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Unread 10-21-2008, 09:46 PM   #1
angie21
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Today is 1 month of sobriety for me, after relapsing a month ago. I arranged to have flowers sent to both my grandma and my mother with a special message in the card--the flower arrangements included pussy willows, hydrangeas, and gladiolus. I did some research online before I ordered these bouquets; I found that pussy willows mean illness recovery, gladiolus mean strength of character, and hydrangeas mean thank you for understanding. Well the arrangements turned out beautiful and i was so excited to see my grandma and mom's faces when they got them. they are so proud of me.
Well anyways, to get to the point of why im writing on here, i worked today at my first job from 8-5, then i went to my 2nd job (only to close) until my A.A. meeting at 6. well the meeting was really good and i really love the tuesday night meetings here. when i got home, supper was all ready and i was about to dish up my plate when my mother told me that my medications came in the mail today ***i have bipolar disorder***. And to that my brother, who knows about my addiction and relapse and recovery, says: "i took some medications today--tylenol with codeine with two shots of whiskey"
i couldn't believe he said that to me, i mean im his little sister dealing with not only my mental disorder but also this addiction that i have been struggling with for a couple years now. i mean what nerve?! what stupidity would make him think that was funny?! i have so many problems with him as it is that i just bite my tongue and try to let it go, but this time it just went to far and i broke-down. i left my food on the counter, got extremely angry, which i hate feeling like that, and came downstairs and just started crying. it's like im trying to become a better person and he treats it like a joke! i just don't understand how someone can be so inconsiderate, especially when it's their own family?! Well my mother then decided she should come downstairs, and of course i was still hysterical and said things i shouldn't have about my brother and things he does that aren't my business, but she started to yell at me then, and it's like I just wanted to scream LEAVE ME ALONE!!! finally i actually did and i proceeded to cry more, then finally i forced myself to get the phone list and call one of the other AA members, which i have never done before out of fear...the first person i called wasn't home, which could have discouraged me from trying someone else, but i did anyways and she answered. just talking to someone who understands made me feel a little better, i am still upset which is why i came to this site, but instead of feeling alone like i always did before because i refused to reach out for help, i find myself going to any length to make sure i have a constant contact with people like me, because i know that i can't do it on my own and im just so happy that there are people and places that i can vent to and not be judged.
thank you to anyone who reads this, i know it's just alot of ranting and probably doesn't make much sense, but just getting it out there helps and keeps me sober for one more day.
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Unread 10-22-2008, 11:50 AM   #2
JaneDoe
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angie21, that sucks that your brother was an inconsiderate idiot. Is he perfect? Doubt it. Don't let him get to you. You are doing the right thing with one month sober. So what that you need medicine?

That's good that you reached out to people at your AA group. That's what they're there for. You can't keep that stuff brewing inside. I did that too many times and the results weren't pretty. You do what you need to do to not drink. That's the object recovery.

I'm glad you're here.

JaneDoe
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Unread 10-22-2008, 12:45 PM   #3
CarlyO
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Ditto On what Jane Says .... : )

Good for you that you picked up the phone instead of a alcohol or a chemical. You are in your first month, I will bet your emotions are shaky - like a roller coaster ride.
Your brother may have No Clue as to how difficult this whole process is, was he inconsiderate ? Yes, but do not let him or anyone get to you. Maybe try to explain in a mature manner what your recovery means to you and how it is vital for your life, your happiness. He may not apologize, but at least you have done what you need to do for you.
Maybe it will take him time to realize that you are serious about recovery - ( I do not know what hapened in the past) as sometimes when we get into recovery, it takes friends and family time to see that we are serious. I hate to use the word proving, but if you were anything like me, I did enough to warrant their mistrust, but in time respect and trsut will come.

Again, so glad you used your tools and did not pick up over this. Hang in there and keep working on your recovery, take care, Carly
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Unread 10-23-2008, 07:04 PM   #4
angie21
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Thank you both for taking the time to read my little outburst, it's so great to have my feelings validated for once. I ended up writing my brother an e-mail explaining to him how important my sobriety is to me this time and that I'm not healthy enough to pretend we have a relationship, good or bad, and certainly not ready to form one because I found that I need to have a good relationship with myself before I could even think to bring someone else into my world. Since that e-mail, which I have no idea if he read it or not, he hasn't spoken to me, but it's been very awkward in my house. I feel like an outsider all the time and that I'm not welcome...I realize I am a very sensitive person, but still, it's hard to live somewhere when you feel just unwelcome. But I have my jobs, my animals, and my meetings to keep me going and take my mind off of things. Also, now even when I have to be here in my house now I have this site where I can just write out all my thoughts and feel at least a little free, so thank you for that. Hope to hear from anyone soon!
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Unread 10-23-2008, 07:23 PM   #5
CarlyO
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HI angie,

It sounds like you are keeping yourself busy with postive things that will help you through this. Maybe your family simply does not know what to think yet. As you have more time in recovery - your actions will speak volumes and they will see this.

Imo- with your brother, you did what you could do - the whole keeping your side of the street clean, as they say. Hopefully you can all live together with respect for each other. Try not to focus on what he may or may not think, it messes with your serenity.
Anyway, stay postive, keep moving forward with your recovery, take care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 10-23-2008, 07:45 PM   #6
angie21
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Thanks for the kind words and support CarlyO, it's greatly appreciated. I feel like this whole thing has been about me so I just wanted to ask you how you are doing?; What's your story for being here? if you don't mind sharing...
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Unread 10-23-2008, 08:00 PM   #7
CarlyO
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HI Angie-
I shared a bit about my story on your other thread : )
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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