Addiction Survivors

Notices

Reply
Unread 08-04-2013, 01:17 AM   #1
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default Here again

Yep, the alcohol once again reared its ugly head. I'm beside myself with grief, anger, sorrow and resentment. I am so sorry not to have posted for so long, it was terribly selfish.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-04-2013, 01:33 AM   #2
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

My husband is beyond drunk. And he is angry with me because of it. I drank tonight too. It was after a 65 mile bike ride, but he was already drunk when I got home with our two children, ages 4 and 6. He picked a fight about alcohol when he was so far gone that there was no reasoning. Hopefully he is passed out in bed right now, as he probably thinks I am doing something devious behind his back. Like he usually believes.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-04-2013, 11:50 AM   #3
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

I'm glad you found your way back here. Alcohol is always waiting for us all. When you feel up to it perhaps you would tell us more of what has been going on for you. It has been a while since we have heard from you prior to today. Again glad you are back. Don't be a stranger.


Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (08-05-2013)
Unread 08-05-2013, 01:57 AM   #4
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

Saint,
Thank you as always for your support. I didn't realize how much I missed my friends here until now. My husband and I just celebrated our 8 year anniversary. We took a year off alcohol, off and on after that. My gym workouts (and diet) took a turn for the better and am now proud to report a 30+ pound weight loss. One of the trainers at my gym recognized my interest in bicycling and has been kind enough to take me under her wing, introducing me to road bicycling. It has been one of the best experiences of my life. One that I never want to give up. Exercise has always been my anti-drink. But now there seems to be a conflict.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-05-2013, 02:21 AM   #5
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

Last night was rough. He drank excessively and got very angry with me. I got very scared he might do something unpredictable. Although I drank too-not nearly as much as him-it scared me to see such rage in an otherwise calm man. It stuck with me all day today; I find myself making excuses not to be near or touch him. Honestly, the thought makes my skin crawl.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-05-2013, 06:25 AM   #6
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

Hi, You and your husband were sober for a year so you know what you need to do to get back there. You, your children, and your husband do not need to live like this. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It only gets worse over time. The safety of you and your children comes first. Call the authorities or leave should you feel threatened.....

I could never control my drinking. It just got worse over time. Take care of yourself and your family and think through that first drink.

Take care Sully,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-05-2013, 04:10 PM   #7
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Sully, King alcohol is just waiting for alcoholic to feel they can have just a few drinks.

Think through that next urge to drink.

Call the authorities if he threatens you. You do not have to live like this.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (08-05-2013)
Unread 08-08-2013, 09:12 PM   #8
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

Just wanted to say Hi.... hope things are well. Remember, you don't have to live like this. NOT judging, just saying.

Regards,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-16-2013, 02:23 AM   #9
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

Thanks, Saint and Lee. Indeed the disease is a progressive one-no surprises there-and progress it has. It's hard to watch my husband like tonight, passed out drunk on the couch. I woke him up to get him to bed and he only got irritated and poured another drink, just to chug it down and pass out again. Repeat one more time, then I finally got him to go to bed. It was apparent he was angry by the slamming of doors and drawers.

I'm no innocent though, I also had about 3 drinks over the course of the night, which for me is pretty much equivalent to a soda, sadly enough. I had a nice bicycle ride with a friend of mine, which helped keep me away from alcohol most of the night.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-16-2013, 08:57 AM   #10
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

I've been wondering how you've been. So glad you posted. I can't imagine what it's like to see a loved one in the grips of addiction.... and ironically I lived that life not so long ago.... I feel a small part of your pain.

You don't need to live like this. You have choices, options. Post here, vent, think about sobriety, take the steps needed to deal with your drinking and move forward. Addiction is a family disease, it affects all who surround the addict in more ways than I know. I always think of it as a ripples in a calm body of water after a stone is thrown in. Spreading out from the epicenter....

All is not lost Sully. You found the tools to acquire sobriety in the past and you can do it again today. Why? Because you matter.

Regards,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (08-16-2013)
Unread 08-16-2013, 01:11 PM   #11
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Sullivan, If you are an alcoholic it is the 1st drink that will get you either now or farther down the road besides controlled drinking sucks. Your husband is proof of that.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (08-16-2013)
Unread 08-16-2013, 09:35 PM   #12
RIX
Member
 
Posts: 95
Default

Hello Sullivan,
I am new to posting here and I don't know your story beyond what you have posted in this thread so far... I am sorry to hear of the struggles and pain in the past week or 2.

I like many others here have my own destructive past with alcohol and feel like I have been on the rollercoaster of living that life style... by God's grace I am 3 years sober. If you feel up to it maybe you could share more of the journey to this point for you and your husband? I don't mean to pry or try to drag info and details out of you... it is your choice of what and when to post... but I am curious of how you did stop for a year? Did you follow AA or some other recovery system? Did you just stop?

Like many have posted here before, the use of alcohol in an unhealthy manner is a symptom not a cause. It is a symptom of deeper problems, pain, insecurities etc... I maybe just stating or restating the obvious but maybe its at least worth recounting that we turn to addictive behaviors and chemicals to dull and mask the real issues in our lives. We encounter "urges" to "use" and they are a cry, a signal, an alarm telling us... we need help, care, support in some aspect of our being. This is why the support options AA, SMART Recovery etc... are helpful and why "working a program" is so vital. Just shutting off the stream of alcohol (or whatever we are using to cope) won't really fix anything, but is a vital first step. But without the next steps... we will find ourselves either right back in the vicious cycle of using, feeling shame and guilt, resolving to try harder and on and on... or turning in one addiction for another.

As the others have said you obviously know what it takes to stay sober for a year at least... no easy task. I hope you can employ those same plans again as well as whatever necessary to stay that way for the long term.

Forgive me if my post is too prying, I simply offer it as my point of view and what I have come to learn on my own journey so far. Keep what helps and toss the rest

Praying the very best for you and your husband!

rix
RIX is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to RIX For This Useful Post:
Thank You (08-16-2013), Thank You (08-17-2013)
Unread 08-19-2013, 01:34 AM   #13
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

Saint, Lee and RIX,
Thank you for your support. Your wisdom hit hard, in a good way. It always does. We both drank tonight so I'll make my comments short. He expressed an interest in alcohol counseling for the first time, which is a huge step in the right direction.
Thank you for not giving up on me. I will post again when sober.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-19-2013, 07:56 AM   #14
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

Great news indeed! It is a huge step and hopefully he feels the same as morning rolls around. Thank you for the update!

Regards,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-19-2013, 10:35 PM   #15
RIX
Member
 
Posts: 95
Default

Hello Sullivan,

Great news!!

Many of us (myself included) understand the pain and process that you/your husband are going through to some degree at least. Although all of our journey's are unique, they also tend to have many of the same theme's. I used to feel really isolated, and like I was the only person who had these problems controlling my consumption, everyone else seemed so fine, so normal when it came to having a drink... not for me, and it made me feel like an outsider... which in turn drove me to further isolate in my addiction. It became a convenient excuse for me to drink more... which is really what I wanted, that way I don't have to face myself, find myself, embrace my pain.

Please know that there are hundreds of thousands of people who feel similar. The good news is we don't have to re-invent the wheel so to speak in order to find our way to sobriety and healthy lives. We do have to reconcile within ourselves what are willing to give up, and how honest and "real" are we willing to become in order to make the changes necessary for healthy sobriety.

You/husband can do what needs to be done, you are not alone, not the first or last to experience what you are... you are a gift to your family, to this site and to the world. I pray you and your husband do believe that, and his admitting the need for help continues. Thanks for your honesty!

Best Regards,

rix
RIX is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-27-2013, 10:25 AM   #16
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Hi Sully,

How are you? Just checking in to see what's been going on. You and your husband have been on my mind. Have you had any more conversations about getting help for the drinking? Give us an update when you have a moment.

Thanks,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-02-2013, 10:43 AM   #17
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

How are you? Checking in to see how you're doing, to hear what's been going on in your life if you want to share. We're thinking of you and are here for you.

Take care and have a safe Holiday!

Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-02-2013, 11:57 PM   #18
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

Saint and RIX,
Thank you, as always, for your support--as well as everyone else here. The last couple times I tried to post long replies it didn't work out, but will try again.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-03-2013, 12:31 AM   #19
RIX
Member
 
Posts: 95
Default

Looking forward to hearing from you more Sullivan.

I understand about the long post thing... there seems to be some time limit from when you start the post to when you hit "post reply" - if its too long the post disappears. I find myself to be kind of long winded... so if I know its a longer post I'll write it in "word" or some other document then copy and past it here to post. That has worked for me in the past anyway.

Hope all is well!

rix
RIX is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-03-2013, 12:39 AM   #20
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

Saint and RIX, thank you for not giving up on me. It's been rough lately. My husband tries to set limitations for himself regarding alcohol, and therefore on me. It makes me feel angry and rebellious as any teenager. I'm a grown woman with a spouse and family--how petty!!!
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-03-2013, 12:49 AM   #21
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

My point, as I explained to him, is that I have to to this on my own time and my own terms. Is that wrong?
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-03-2013, 01:28 AM   #22
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

What I know is that controlled drinking never worked for me. The thought of it makes me uncomfortable. There is no better time than now to work on sobriety. Both for you and your husband. You have to want sobriety to get sobriety for the most part so in that sense you need to do it on your timetable. I will caution you not to loose sight of your ultimate goal, that being sobriety, because after seemingly infinite times of telling myself I will stop tomorrow those tomorrows turned into a few years shy of three decades!!! Yikes!!!

Sully alcoholism is a progressive disease....it will only get worse over time. And at what cost to you and your family?

It's great to hear from you. Hope to hear from you more often!

Regards,
Saint

P.s. Before hitting submit on a long reply I will 'copy' the post and if lost just 'paste' and resubmit. It is very frustrating to me when I lose a long post. The words never seem to come out the same way twice!
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-03-2013, 01:36 AM   #23
RIX
Member
 
Posts: 95
Default

Hey Sullivan,

I don't think that is wrong... there is no doubt that you have to quit for yourself. Any other way is, in my opinion a temporary adjustment to life style that can become co-dependent or people pleasing. Not really helpful.

I can understand your frustration in being pressured or manipulated to change your behavior... none of us like that no matter what the situation. On the other hand I assume your husband is doing this out of caring for both yours and his well being. How that comes across can certainly get cloudy and lost in translation.

At the end of the day, if you want to be done you will pursue that, and if you don't you won't no matter what anyone says or does. I know this all too well, we can't change anyone.

Maybe the question is: what do you want to do as it relates to your alcohol consumption? What he does, or how he does it is up to him... but as for you, what is it you really want?

I hope I'm not being too direct... and that my input and questions are in someway helpful not hurtful.

Thanks for checking in, you are in a good place to simply be posting, reading and looking for feedback Sullivan... keep coming back.

rix
RIX is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to RIX For This Useful Post:
Thank You (09-03-2013), Thank You (09-03-2013)
Unread 09-13-2013, 01:53 AM   #24
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

Thank you so much for your wisdom. I need to hear it, no matter how many times.
We both drank tonight. After watching a particularly touching television program on alcoholism, we decided to call it a night. He took the liberty of pouring out my drink, then going to bed. All the while I was researching alcohol counseling in our area.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-13-2013, 01:57 AM   #25
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

I feel so angry that he would pour out my drink, especially knowing if I did the same to him, that he would fly into a rage.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-13-2013, 12:56 PM   #26
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

Good to hear from you.

There's a lot of underlying dynamics when both partners drink. Hope you found some counseling in your area for you and your husband. Things will just get worse over time, something you probably know already. Get the help you need Sully. You've done it before you can do it again!

Regards,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (09-15-2013)
Unread 09-13-2013, 03:23 PM   #27
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

When I drank we considered pouring out a drink as alcohol abuse.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-13-2013, 03:16 AM   #28
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

Lee,
I felt so childish after my last post, even after pushing the "send" button. You have a way of getting straight to the point, which I really appreciate. I incidentally poured out my husband's glass, since he was passed out on the couch--only to have him wake up and get upset. Anyhow, you get the idea...
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-13-2013, 04:29 AM   #29
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

Lee,
He spoke of counseling "in the heat of the moment" while he was intoxicated. It will never happen. However, we do not have the money in savings to sustain our addiction. I don't want to give up staying home with the kids. It is time to move beyond alcohol.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-13-2013, 08:08 AM   #30
RIX
Member
 
Posts: 95
Default

Hey Sully,

You said the consoling "will never happen". My thought is- it will when he is ready and when you are ready. That maybe at 2 different times. Going into recovery together would be great, doing the stuff required to be sober along side each other could be really good thing... but it is not required. If you are done, I say be done! If he is not ready, that is his decision.

Blessings~ rix
RIX is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-13-2013, 05:17 PM   #31
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Sully, I needed a support group to get sober. I chose a group that cost nothing other than having the desire not to drink that day.

Not drinking for that day must be the most important thing in your life.

I can't afford to sugar coat the things I say here. If I do that I put my sobriety in danger. It is my thinking that will lead me back to that 1st drink.

Good luck in your choices.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (10-13-2013), Thank You (10-13-2013)
Unread 10-14-2013, 04:01 PM   #32
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

Glad to see you posting! We move towards that which we think about. Continue to think about sobriety.

Regards,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-16-2013, 12:04 AM   #33
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default I

He has joined his own addiction forum. Posting here helps me, but if I don't check in more often then perhaps I need to find some local AA meetings. Of course, they meet in early mornings typically. And I'm us usually hung over...
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-16-2013, 12:48 AM   #34
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

When you really want to work sobriety you'll make that the reason to get up, hungover or not. Think sobriety Sully. We move towards that which we think about. Glad to 'see' you back.

Regards,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (10-16-2013)
Unread 10-16-2013, 08:34 AM   #35
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sullivan View Post
He has joined his own addiction forum. Posting here helps me, but if I don't check in more often then perhaps I need to find some local AA meetings. Of course, they meet in early mornings typically. And I'm us usually hung over...
Sully, I live in a rural area. We have day time & evening meetings. The larger towns have meetings all the time.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-16-2013, 09:22 AM   #36
jenm
Senior Member
 
Posts: 976
Default

Hi Sullivan!

My heart breaks for you - I know the feeling of "wanting" to get sober but not really doing anything about it. For me it was an awful place to be. Go to one meeting and see how it feels. If you can get your body to that meeting, I bet you will feel a relief that you cannot imagine. Take care! Jenm
jenm is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to jenm For This Useful Post:
Thank You (10-17-2013)
Unread 10-18-2013, 03:11 AM   #37
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

I want a normal life. But I don't want to give up my drink either.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-18-2013, 10:10 AM   #38
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Sully,

You want what every alcoholic active in their disease wants.

You don't have to live like this Sully.

Keep coming back!

Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (10-20-2013)
Unread 10-18-2013, 12:52 PM   #39
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Hello Sully,

Bright blessings to you. I have read all your posts.

I myself struggle with "shall i?...shan't i?" Can i just suggest that you put that aside for now, and whatever struggles that alcohol is of no help to, it does not matter for now. Use this amazing family as a diary if you like, find some time to express in this safe place. Try and enable what has taken me AGGGEEESSSS to do, be in a place that sometimes asks you a question back. The answers you find yourself are amazing!!

Keep posting.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Sully.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (10-18-2013), Thank You (10-18-2013)
Unread 10-18-2013, 02:22 PM   #40
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Sullivan, You have to want to stop drinking. Until then you will get the same results that brought you to this site.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (10-20-2013)
Unread 10-19-2013, 09:32 PM   #41
RIX
Member
 
Posts: 95
Default

Hello Sullivan,

I agree with Lee and Saint and others (as I always do)...

I do think that we see other people living a "normal" life and desire that. Progression to sobriety requires a deep desire to quit drinking as these guys said... I would suggest that by looking at your life and how alcohol affects it in the proper and honest perspective... you can get to the point of wanting to stop drinking.

In my alcoholic mind booze was good... but "I" was bad... as I progressed I learned that "I" was not bad... booze and I together was bad. That helped me to not hate myself, to learn that I was not made to live a life full of booze and hang overs and destruction in my relationships, finances etc... but because I consistently choose booze, my life sucked! Common denominator... booze! So I was finally able to associate the bad stuff in my life with alcohol... not just to blaming myself, in finally seeing and believing this I wanted to stop drinking.

I don't know if that makes sense... but that's part of how my journey went.

Keep coming back Sully!

rix
RIX is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to RIX For This Useful Post:
Thank You (10-19-2013), Thank You (10-20-2013)
Unread 10-21-2013, 05:16 PM   #42
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Thinking of You Sully, tell us how you are doing. Good, bad or indifferent, it makes no difference. Be nice to hear from you.

Loveness.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (10-22-2013)
Unread 11-22-2013, 02:06 AM   #43
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

None of you ever give up on me. Thank you so much. I have aboided checking in lately for lack of being sober. I seem to be in an ugly rut that's hard to break out of. Some serious personal issues between my husband and I only makes me want to hide behind the bottle even more. It's very lonely either way. You all make me want to work harder to make you proud.

Thanks for the kind ear, best thoughts to all,

Sully
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-22-2013, 11:09 AM   #44
julie48
Senior Member
 
julie48's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,275
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sullivan View Post
I want a normal life. But I don't want to give up my drink either.
HI, unfortunately we can't have both. Bottom line. A normal happy life trumps the bottle. You have the power of choice. Bless you. Julie
julie48 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-22-2013, 01:14 PM   #45
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Sullivan, Keep coming back even if you drink. We understand & will encourage you that you do not have to live this way. We know that you have to want to stop drinking for yourself. You show us it is not getting better out there for the active alcoholic. I do not look down on you.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (11-24-2013)
Unread 11-22-2013, 03:24 PM   #46
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Hello Sullivan.

I am lucky enough to be sober at this time, and i spent over a year coming here whilst i was drinking for help. We are here to help you, not the you you think is worthy. You are!!!

Look forward to hearing from you.

Be peaceful. Loveness to you.
Tryn
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (11-24-2013)
Unread 11-22-2013, 08:48 PM   #47
RIX
Member
 
Posts: 95
Default

Sullivan- Great to hear from you!! Thank you for the courage to post. As the others said... yes please keep posting even if you are not ready to stop... we all really do understand and have been in a similar situation. I too wanted to stop for a couple years... but didn't want to change my life... I hoped/thought I could have my life be mostly the same but without the booze... I realized that I had created a life that revolved around booze and my masks to the world were completely tied to it. Once I could disconnect the 2 and start the process of quitting drinking everything slowly, but eventually became way, way better, from relationships, to finances, to work and personal fulfillment... it all turned 180 degrees.

You are in our thoughts Sullivan!!

rix
RIX is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to RIX For This Useful Post:
Thank You (11-24-2013)
Unread 11-23-2013, 02:23 AM   #48
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

I get into a groove of drinking, a vicious cycle. At home in the late afternoons. There is no desire, only compultion. I can go out in public and barely be able to choke down one drink to be polite in social situations in fear of losing control--such a horrifying thought. So how come I'm so horrified to lose control on front of casual acquaintances and not my own family, whom means the world?

Just thinking out loud...
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-23-2013, 04:55 AM   #49
RIX
Member
 
Posts: 95
Default

Hello Sullivan,

It is interesting the compulsive cycles we get into with our addictions. I know for myself, my image was really important when I was drinking... I had created a world, a false reality that I let the public see and behaving certain ways was how I kept up that illusion that I'm fine, all is well here! In reality, in my room alone at night I was a mess. I felt I could let my guard down around those closest to me (family)... and unfortunately it was they who got the worst of me... the causal acquaintances saw the happy, out going, fun guy... family saw the depressed, drunk, angry real me. I don't pretend to understand it all, and certainly we are all different but that's how my story went.
RIX is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to RIX For This Useful Post:
Thank You (11-24-2013)
Unread 12-18-2013, 01:37 AM   #50
Sullivan
Senior Member
 
Posts: 104
Default

RIX, I'm too out of it to reply intelligently but will try anyhow.

You hit it right on about the false reality. I'm an active volunteer in my daughters first grade classroom on a regular basis. Nobody there knows. Worst of all, her teacher (the most beloved there) praises me on how well I do with the children. She strongly recommends I consider a career in education. I was in elementary ed in college before kids came along.
Now I'm a total wreck, everything all children shouldn't grow up to be. I try to be all the best I can but know it's never good enough as long as alcohol is around.

Thanks always. For your support.

You all give me hope in an otherwise hopeless feeling. Thank you.
Sullivan is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:13 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2014 Addiction Survivors