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Unread 05-19-2016, 11:16 AM   #1
Scatamooch
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Default My Baby Girl's An Alcoholic

Hey everyone... Please bear with me, as I am new to this group.

About 6 months ago, my daughter quit her job of 9 years, packed her bags and headed all the way across the country to southern California (LA). She and her boyfriend of several years had broken up, and she didn't want to accidentally run into him around town.

Of course, against our recommendations, she made this move without already having a job lined up. She was tired of the life she had been living, crushed by a cheating boyfriend and just wanted out. She's 35 years old.

For the last 6 months she's tried to find a job, with no luck... Running out of money, she decided it was time to head back to Florida and moving back in with the wife and I, at least temporarily. The wife flew out to L.A. to help her drive back. On the second day of their journey home my daughter wanted to stop and get some wine, as she said she had "the shakes"... My wife was driving. So they stopped at a convenience store, got gas and my daughter bought some wine... after taking one sip, she went into convulsions and started having a seizure! The Closest Hospital was 60 miles away in Tuscon, and my wife, scared to death, rushed her to the emergency room.

They spent the better part of the day at the hospital while the doctors ran their tests and re-hydrated my daughter. They gave her a prescription to help with her withdrawals and sent them on their way.

They eventually made it back home, with my wife driving the entire way. That was a couple of weeks ago. Since then, we've learned that she's been buying wine and sneaking it into her bedroom. Apparently all her neighbors, while in L.A. were heavy drinkers, and she felt the need to try and keep up... She even got close to a musician, who she says is very talented, but has a bit of a problem with heroin... His manager keeps calling her late at night to give her constant updates on how he's doing, and telling her that only she could help him stay off of the heroin...

At this point, I'm about ready to explode! She sleeps all day, is up all night, and is constantly on the phone with her former neighbors, her heroin addict boyfriend and his manager... My baby girl is an alcoholic!

She said she needs help, but I don't know if she entirely committed... We decided to try and taper her consumption, day to day, until eventually she reaches zero. Supposedly she's on board with this, but I've known a few alcoholics in my life, so that remains to be seen... Problem is, the wife and I both work, so she is alone from time to time, and I don't know if I can trust her to be true to herself... The tapering just started yesterday, so I really don't have anything to report as of yet... All job hunting is suspended until she's been weaned off of the alcohol. Then it will be up to her to stay that way. She blames it on being depressed because of not finding work and breaking up with her X.

Just like a true alcoholic... There's always a reason... but alcohol only magnifies the depression.

Anyway, thanks for listening, (reading)... I'll let you know how the tapering goes as we move into next week.

Last edited by Scatamooch; 05-19-2016 at 11:21 AM..
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Unread 05-27-2016, 03:01 PM   #2
soapdish
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Posts: 371
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Hello Scatamooch,

Alcohol certainly does magnify the depression. It's a vicious circle wherein you drink to feel better and then you hate yourself more. At least that was my personal experience.

How's she doing?
and how are you?

I've had a bad day and I've come here to read some posts and feel less alone. I'm making a cup of tea and then I'll have a shower. I switched completely to hot drinks when I gave up alcohol. I'm on a slippery slope. I had an alcohol problem in the past and for some absurd reason I chose an alcoholic, drug user for a boyfriend. It's been a manic 4 years. I'm still clinging onto the idea that I can help him and that inside he is a good person but I fear for myself sometimes. I don't ever want to go back to being a drinker and I feel like he is just taking advantage of me and my soft heart.
I send you my best wishes for your daughter.
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Unread 05-30-2016, 09:54 AM   #3
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon Scatamooch. Bright blessings to you.

I am a fellow that lives in dear Ole Blighty. I am 50 and have been an alcoholic all my life. I have read your quite amazing journey with your baby girl and i simply had to share something with you.

I have worked, spoken, facilitated drug and alcohol groups etc for a long old while. I know an awful lot about alcoholics.

Those that become emotionally, psychologically or physically dependent upon alcohol, have my heart and my ears. I have been all 3.

During 3 decades worth of treatment, 2 decades working in the game i can tell you this........

I have NEVER met a useless alcoholic. You know....the ole stereotypical "alchy?".....never seen one.....never.

What i have seen, is 1000's upon 1000's of those where alcohol destroyed them.

Each one i have seen fall had more talent, more ability, more love that you can shake a stick at.

I have never known a "stupid" alcoholic. Never.

Tough love. What does that look like?

Actually it means it is tough for those that love....to give it.

Do NOT give up. Embrace your baby daughters strength......refuse love when she is drunk, hold her when she is sober.

Give her, in your way, back responsibility. It is her issue to deal with, albeit with all your support, yet it can only go so far.

Encourage her brilliance and dismiss out of hand her drinking.

My heart is with you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Scatamooch
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Unread 06-01-2016, 07:22 PM   #4
R. Lee
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soapdish, Welcome to the site. Come back a post. You have a lot to offer.

You already know your sobriety comes 1st. Why do we get in the situations where we take on someone who has a similar problem as we do I will never know but a lot of us do. I think you know what to do but are putting it off for some reason.

Best of luck.
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Unread 07-18-2016, 05:11 PM   #5
soapdish
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Hello

Thanks R.Lee for your reply and kind words.

I am in a really big mess so I just check in and out of these forums now and again when things are bad and it's helping me feel less alone.
I'm not going to ask for advice or explain my situation, as I know perfectly well that I am bringing myself down staying with this man. I worry that I am bringing him down too.
I know what advice I'd give a friend or sister in my situation - leave him and don't look back. But today I don't have the strength to do it. I should have done it years ago, but I didn't and now here we are.
You can sense in my tone that I'm resentful towards him, and what kind of a basis for a relationship is that? He is trying and hasn't drunk for a week but I don't trust him. I don't believe him when he says he's done with drink and drugs.
Resentfulness, mistrust, blame, fear. Can we recover from this?
We'll see.
So I've decided that I'm going to concentrate on my work and myself. My fear that I would drink indeed came true. I made it come true simply by putting two bottles of cheap wine in my supermarket trolley two fridays ago, and even though I blushed at the til, and felt physically sick as I took the shopping home, I drank both those bottles and pandemonium ensued. I am extremely disappointed in myself and I am ashamed of my behaviour. However, I understand that it was more an act of defiance against my partner's drinking rather than because of cravings. Anyway, all I can do now is not relapse again and just keep striving to be a good person.
I've made it clear to my partner that I do not want alcohol in this house and if he wants to live a life that includes drinking, then we can't stay together (of course I've told him that tons of times before). Now I just have to stick to that and be firm, which is the hard part. I know that I have been really gullible and naive and frankly, a total cretin at times, but now I'm so tired of all this and it is making me ill. There aren't any more excuses or ultimatums.
From the forums I've learnt that for some people stopping drinking only came about when they hit rock bottom, perhaps it was when their wife gave them an ultimatum, or getting arrested or injured. My partner fell 10m into a dry canal and broke his pelvis. He was in hospital for months and the rehabilitation took over a year. He still has nerve damage. Did that stop his drinking? nope.
None of those things stopped me either. For me it was illness. I felt ill and sad and angry all the time. I hated myself. It took me a long time of wanting to stop but not stopping, of convincing myself I could just be a social drinker, or just wine, but I just stopped one day and kept it up and became really healthy and well. Never felt better. 4 years ago.
Well I want to say that I think friends and family helped me because their concern for me, even if I ignored it, showed me that I had a problem. In the end I saw that the only way for me to get out of such a dark place was to stop drinking completely and now I plan to do just that, again!

I didn't mean to write such a a long post, I just wanted to say thanks for your reply! In the end I've poured my heart out.

I also wonder about the original post by Scatamooch... how are you doing? How's your daughter?
Thanks and good night
Soapdish
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Unread 07-19-2016, 10:39 AM   #6
R. Lee
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Soapdish. Good idea on working on yourself. Pick yourself up after drinking & continue on working on your sobriety. You know what to do concerning your partner now it is time for action. Easy to say but so hard to do.
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