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Unread 11-22-2015, 01:35 PM   #1
Holly5678
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Default Forbidden to attend Al-Anon and Al-Ateen

Why would the alcoholic who attends AA forbid his family from attending Al-Anon and Al-Ateen?
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Unread 11-22-2015, 05:23 PM   #2
Sam Bailey
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Hey Holly,

You ask,
Quote:
Why would the alcoholic who attends AA forbid his family from attending Al-Anon and Al-Ateen?
As I suspect you already know, any person who makes such a demand is hiding something. Some other reason? Sure, maybe---though I can't imagine what such a reason might be.

That this person is allowed to "forbid" anything indicates that the family's dynamics are way out of whack. If he is an actual alcoholic, then his life is unmanageable, yet he is making these kinds of decisions? It's clear that he hasn't "surrendered" a darn thing.

We alcohols/addicts have lost the ability to control our own lives, much less the lives of those who care for us. This person is STILL running things...and THAT, Holly, is a gigantic mistake.

If this alcoholic wants to get well, he must give up this control--cause it's pretty damned clear that HIS way of doing things hasn't worked out so well.

He still has secrets...is still trying to hide something from somebody, is still trying to hide somebody from something.

Bottom line: he's full of junk. He's not invested in the program, full throttle. And likely does not really believe that AA will work for him...or perhaps doesn't actually WANT it to work.

Yet he (apparently) goes to meetings, right? If so, he is not going for himself. He's going for reasons other than that. Probably he's going for his family, so he doesn't LOSE his family. And in his addled mind, he thinks he can pull off yet one more scam.

Alcpholics/addicts, when they're in their active addiction, are liars, cons and manipulators. Lord knows I was.

And this person? He's telling some kind of lie. He's pulling something, trying to still manipulate and con. Still "working" whatever he has to so he can continue to drink.

My opinion, Holly. Doesn't mean I'm right. I share this with you with a heavy heart. But for 20+ years I was this guy. And his behavior was my experience, more or less.

Please stick around. Ask more questions. Then, most important, listen with a wide open heart.

best,

sam b
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Unread 11-24-2015, 10:29 AM   #3
Holly5678
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Thank you, Sam Bailey.
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