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Unread 10-30-2012, 01:29 PM   #451
R. Lee
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Marilyn, I'm glad that you & your husband relationship is better. I hope that Mike continues to stay sober.
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Unread 10-30-2012, 04:25 PM   #452
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Dear Marilyn,
Glad to see an update and that Mike is on a positive path. Take time out for yourself and husband, he loves you, I think it must be difficult for him to watch what you have been through. I saw it with my MIL and her husband, daughter's addiction. She is still doing well. In fact, They just returned from a long vacation, the first in many years! For now, re-charge your batteries, Mike knows what to do and I pray he will follow through. Be good to yourself, Carly
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Unread 11-05-2012, 03:44 AM   #453
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Hi Marilyn,

Glad to hear the news about Mike. He will eventually come through this cycle. It is a matter of time. Hope is powerful! Just keep believing. I am in the same predicament with hubby. He is in rehab. It is a day at a tme recovery for us all. Be blessed & take care.

Love you.
Hawaii
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Unread 12-30-2012, 03:03 PM   #454
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Dear Marilyn, Been thinking of you as it has been a while since an update. I hope and pray Mike is still working his program. Most of all, hope you and your family had a peaceful holiday- happy new year - take care Carly
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Unread 01-04-2013, 08:36 AM   #455
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Hi Everyone! Happy New Year! It has been a while since I have posted. Things are really going well. Mike has come a long way since his release from jail. He has been sober going on four months. He visited both his father and us for the Holidays, bought useful gifts for everyone using the money he got from ringing the bell for the Salvation Army. He had been staying at the shelter but as of last week he found a room that is reasonably priced, I haven't seen it yet he says it is comfortable and he is using his christmas money to pay for it right now. He finally got a lawyer for his claim for disability, waiting on a hearing. I have asked Mike about AA meetings but he seems to feel talking about alcoholism keeps it in his life, he knows what he has to do and not taking the first drink is his goal. As I have been told leave it to him to make his decisions. We have all been clear with him that we are done with helping financially or emotionally if he chooses to go back to his lifestyle. All other family members are doing great for now anyway. I fell a month ago at work on ice and did a number on my back, nothing broken just awful sore, finished PT yesterday. So I welcome 2013 with high hopes and fun times with family and friends. I thank everyone and especially Carly for always reaching out to everyone with caring thoughts and concerns. God Bless, Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 01-04-2013, 11:37 AM   #456
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Marilyn,

Thank you for the update. Happy to hear that Mike is doing well. Hopefully he can keep it together. It's been a long tough road for Mike. I hope he reaches out the next time he's on the edge. Does Mike have a plan or goals going forward??

Sorry to hear about your back but glad it's getting better. A friend slipped on some ice going into work and broke her ankle. She still has a few more weeks of rehab before she's back to work.
Yes Carly is a special person! So giving of her time and support of others.

I think of you and Mike often. Again very happy for you and hopeful Mike stays on the right path. I wish you all the happiness and peace of mind you so deserve Marilyn.

Warm regards,
Saint
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Unread 01-04-2013, 04:17 PM   #457
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Marilyn, Good news on Mike.
As long as he knows it is that 1st drink that will get him & he is willing to think that drink through he should be in good shape.
I did not have the power to stay sober on my own. Some alcoholics can.
Too bad about the slip & fall. I hope you are on the mend.
I think of you often
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Unread 01-06-2013, 12:16 PM   #458
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Dear Marilyn,
Glad your back is better - Ouch ! And good to see the update, I am guessing you are cautiously optimistic? I do not want to damper Mike's accomplishments. Just something to consider with Mike imo- it is concerning that he is not involved in some type of support, a group, something... and possibly being approved for Disability, even though process may take quite a while. Just something I have seen that having money in hand for an alcoholic can be treading on thin ice. I saw it at the ( sober ) shelter where I worked, some men got their money and would be back within months.
If there is any way possible to appeal to the disability board if approved or his case manager may have an opinion anyway ( the disability board usually asks if he in need of a payee, the payee is a person, a non family member - who will give him his check and monitor that his funds go to living expenses, at least until he can show he can handle it.
Again, I in no way want to put a damper on your wonderful holiday together, Mike's efforts, I just really want Mike to make it, I truly do.
Take Care and I pray this will a New and Great Year for Mike as well as the family!
Carly
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Unread 01-07-2013, 01:57 AM   #459
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Hello and Happy New Year to Marilyn and everyone. I am glad to hear that Mike is sober at the moment. I know you are happy about that. You finally connected and spend quality time together. That is wonderful!!!

Sorry to hear about your fall & hope you are on your way to recovery. I've missed hearing from you. God bless you and take care.

Hawaii
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Unread 01-08-2013, 08:48 AM   #460
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GooD Morning Saint, R.Lee, Carly, Hawaiilover, Thank you all for responding to my post. I visited Mike yesterday in Maine, it was a wonderful visit. He used a gift card to get some slippers and water proof spray for his boots and groceries. We walked the beach. The place he is staying isn't the fanciest but it is clean, comfortable and homey. I met the owner and he seems nice. There are two younger guys that Mike says they all get along with each other. When we talked Mike says he takes each day, is going to a pyscologist weekly he is on medication for the anxiety and depression. He says the rental will go until June then the summer rates go into effect which are steep so he thinks maybe camp at a campground. His attitude is really different this time more giving and concern for others. He paid his rent for the last four weeks with Christmas money, before it seemed he wanted us to pay as he felt he needed spending money. Yes, Carly I know what your saying about the settlement disability, Mike tells me how when at the shelter he would see the first of the month checks go to hotels to party until the money was gone and back to the shelter they would come. He is in contact with the attorney and he claims he is doing what he should and to keep in touch. Hawaii I think of you and your family and hope the New Year is looking positive for you as it is for me. I have been through so many disapointments with Mike so I do take each day that he is sober and in touch with his family as a accomplishment and keep my guard up that we have a long way to go. Thanks for all your love and concerns for me and my family. Went snowmobiling (before we lose the snow) and had a great time, short trip but back did well. Got clearence from Occupational Health that I didn't need therapy anymore. Yea! Still very careful out there. Thanks again my cyber family! Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 01-08-2013, 12:39 PM   #461
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Marilyn, Maybe this is a turning point for Mike. Glad that you have something positive to post here about Mike.
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Unread 01-08-2013, 06:14 PM   #462
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Marilyn,

That is great news about Mike! I realize he has had many starts and stops but I'm glad you see a change in his attitude. That could be the crack in the glass that let's the light in!! Glad you enjoyed some good time with Mike.

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Unread 02-26-2013, 09:29 AM   #463
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Marilyn,
Hope things are continuing to go well for Mike and your family. I think of you often. Have a great day!

Regards,
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Unread 03-14-2013, 11:34 PM   #464
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Hi Marilyn,

How are things with you and Mike? Stay connected and stay in touched.

Much love
Hawaii
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Unread 03-18-2013, 03:34 PM   #465
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Hi Everyone, I think of everyone often and I am sorry I have not written sooner. I have been busy at work interviewing for my job as I have given my retirement date as of July 3rd. We finally hired someone and I will be training in the next few months. Mike is doing terrific so far, his father and I have continued to pay his room rent for now. His lawyer is still working on the disability. He goes to the psychiatrist every other week. He has gone to a free dental clinic to get his teeth worked on and cleaned. He calls or texts me daily and also to other family members. Mike has gotten more positive in his plans for the future. After May he will have to leave the room at the beach as the summer rentals begin which is so much more than the $80.00 a week. He says he can camp out at a campground in the area, I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there. Thank you Saint and Hawaiilover for your thoughts of us. I did get a new computer at work so I wasn't connected to this site, couldn't remember password. I hope I can send this now! I send you all best wishes and hopeful your lives are as peaceful as mine are at this moment. Lots of Hugs and much Love to all, Marilyn
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Unread 03-18-2013, 04:03 PM   #466
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Marilyn,

Congrats on your retirement!!! I know that is such a huge decision for many but I never hear of anyone regretting it : )

Very happy to hear the news of Mike. It seems very positive that he is meeting with a psychiatrist every other week. I'm glad he's doing well!!

Thanks for the update. Retirement will be upon you before you realize.

Take care,
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Unread 03-18-2013, 05:20 PM   #467
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Marilyn, Great news from you!

Mike is working on & staying sober & you are going to retire. It can't get much better than that after what you have been through.

You guys will be in my thoughts because we have gone through so much in Mike's journey. It is breath of fresh air.



My beat to you & Mike.
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Unread 01-27-2014, 06:48 PM   #468
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Well I tried to give my mind a rest from thinking about Mike being an alcoholic. It was a big mistake. I learned that that you can't let down your guard. Made it to December 2nd from October 2012 staying sober. The con was Mike got social Security disability and has gone back to his old ways drinking calling us in anger because we didn't' let him come for Christmas. He had come for Thanksgiving brought Xmas gifts. Never saw it coming he told us for the past year he knew he couldn't take that first drink. Disappointed more than anything! I had lost this web site and have finally connected again. So many of you still reach out to so many of us lost souls it brings tears to my eyes seeing your sincere responses. I am alright retired but do go in once in awhile to help out. Sending everyone many hugs Marilyn
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Unread 01-27-2014, 09:27 PM   #469
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Marilyn,

So good to hear from you!!

Very sorry to hear about Mike. I can only imagine the disappointment.... He knows what he needs to do. Hopefully he can turn things around again, this time for good.

Enjoy your retirement Marilyn, even though it's only part time : ).

Take care and don't be a stranger.

(((HUGGG))))

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Unread 01-28-2014, 08:43 AM   #470
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Hi Saint, Hope 2014 is treating you good. Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate them. Hugs, marilyn
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Unread 02-01-2014, 12:02 AM   #471
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Marilyn,
I'm glad you found your way back here. I hope you can find some semblance of peace and strength in spite of Mike's drinking. He is fortunate to have you for a Mother. My heart goes out to you and Mike. Many good thoughts and a great big HUG heading your way!!!

Peace,
Saint

PS I am well. Thank you for asking!!
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Unread 02-02-2014, 08:12 AM   #472
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Saint, Thank you for your words of encouragement. I read the New posts and feel so much the pain that each of them are enduring. When they question themselves as to whether they are enabling or helping their loved one, I think of my situation over a year Mike's whole family reached out to him emotionally and financially only for him to pick up where he left off back on the streets. Difference he now gets a SSDisabilith check. Haven't heard from him in over a month now Don't know if he is still in Maine, call and text phone with no return call. I try to keep the hope that things will change. This site has always given me strength. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 02-02-2014, 03:47 PM   #473
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Marilyn Sorry that Mike has chosen to go back out & drink.
You are a loving mother who did all she could do to support his sobriety.
My best to you.
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Unread 02-03-2014, 09:00 AM   #474
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Thank you R.Lee. Was just listening to GMA talking about the death of Philip Seymore Hoffman. He had been in sobriety for 23 years but his addiction was more important to begin again then his three beautiful children. As you have said many times on this forum your sobriety is a every day struggle and you alone need to want it. I really Don't know if alcohol is all Mike is using, as you may have heard heroin is really prevalent in the northeast. I keep my prayers and faith going strong. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 02-03-2014, 02:46 PM   #475
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You are welcome Marilyn!!
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Unread 03-26-2014, 08:23 PM   #476
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Marilyn,

Hi, I haven't been here for a long time. I think of you often and am sorry to hear that Mike continues to struggle. After a long time of not drinking, Bryan started to drink "socially" again. Although last week he told me that he hasn't been drinking at all for the last month. He's still trying to finish school and he got married in December to a very nice girl. I'm hopeful about his future, but also realistic. Enjoy your retirement and stay strong. Prayers and hugs! (If Hawaii and R. Lee read this, hope you guys are doing well and thanks again for all the support during some very dark days)
Becca
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Unread 03-27-2014, 07:19 PM   #477
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Becca, Thanks for checking in. I am blessed to be sober today thank you.

Sorry to hear that Bryan has started to lie & drink again. One feeds on the other.

It has been a while since Hawaii has been in to say what is going on.

I hope you are doing OK. We can not keep Bryan sober he has to want it.
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Unread 04-08-2014, 06:43 PM   #478
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Hi to all, Thank you Becca was so happy to hear from you. I am not on the site as often but I pray for all of us that struggle with ourselves or loved ones. Happy to hear Bryan is married to a nice girl. Mike is still the same TRIED to live with a older woman he's known for a number of years lasted two weeks. He is back with staying with friends he tells me. He is drinking but he tries to hide it when he calls. I just listen and tell him I hope and pray he will find his way back to sobriety. Honestly I Don't believe he wants to change, just exists and hang with the same people. As Saint and R. Lee have said so many times they have to want to change we can't change the behavior. May you all find peace. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 04-08-2014, 09:36 PM   #479
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Marilyn, Sorry to hear your update. Stay strong.
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Unread 04-08-2014, 11:00 PM   #480
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Marilyn,
It saddens me to hear of Mike. I'm sad for you and Mike. It has been such a roller coaster ride for you over the years....I always hope Mike will get sober, stay sober but yes he has to want it. Sobriety is a lifestyle change for most I believe. It's just that much harder when we surround ourselves with the same people, places and things. The change needs to start on the inside and work it's way out. If we can't see what we want to be how can we get there? We have to have hope when we feel hopeless....

Thank you for posting Marilyn. I always like to hear from you and hear how Mike is doing. You and Mike will always be in my thoughts, my hope that Mike can find sobriety once again and you can have your son back.

(((((Hug))))),
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Unread 04-09-2014, 05:37 PM   #481
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R.Lee and Saint thank you for your reply. You have always given me hope that Mike would find sobriety. I worry so that his path will end as my father's death at the young age of 47. My father did serve in the Army 4years but continued to drink after never having much in his life. He had lung cancer and they said his liver was destroyed. I do keep my prayers going and listen when he calls but when its 7:30 AM and he sounds intoxicated it is heart wrenching. Keep the faith, thank you for your caring and thoughtfulness. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 04-09-2014, 07:29 PM   #482
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Marilyn, You are welcome. Keep the faith & maybe Mike will come here or somewhere else when he has had enough. Most of us alcoholics end up in prison or dead. One day at a time for me & reaching out to the alcoholic who wants help.
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Unread 04-09-2014, 09:27 PM   #483
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Marilyn,

When you say your father never had much in life I assume you mean earthly possessions. He had you and to me you're a jewel.

I believe in God but we don't speak often.... I will pray for you and Mike.

Regards,
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Unread 04-17-2014, 07:43 PM   #484
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Thank you Saint for your prayers. Mike called he has checked into detox then going to another place to get counseling and back on meds for depression and anxiety. Also they are working on housing. So we begin the recovery again, I am glad he reached out for help but fear that once he is sober for a time he begins again to feel like he can handle his life. We take one day at a time right? Hugs Marilyn
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Unread 04-18-2014, 10:21 AM   #485
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Marilyn, That is good news. Maybe he is on the road to recovery. Yes 1 day at a time.
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Unread 04-22-2014, 12:07 PM   #486
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Marilyn,

I'm glad to hear Mike sought out help on his own. I can understand your fear Marilyn. When I felt like I was on top of the world I had no qualms about drinking. When I gave up on myself I had no qualms about drinking. I hope Mike can work through it this time and break the cycle of addiction.

I wish I could do more Marilyn.....


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Unread 04-23-2014, 07:30 PM   #487
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Hi Saint, Thank you for your input. I am so uncertain as to what is the best for Mike. He is now in a place where they will get him on medication, he will have to leave by Friday. We are going to see him and he has decided to move in with the woman he was with over a month ago. He claims he left her on his own. So we will see how it goes. R.Lee thank you also for your thoughts. It really helps me to understand what is really happening with the addiction of alcohol. I really appreciate your sincere words of wisdom. Will let you know how Friday goes. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 04-23-2014, 07:34 PM   #488
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You are welcome Marilyn. Good luck.
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Unread 04-24-2014, 01:46 PM   #489
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Marilyn,

That sounds like good news for Mike. No need to reply but I was curios what medication Mike was being placed on and why. I hope Mike can find new friends that live a sober life and can help him when the need arises. I think that is one of the big challenges of sobriety is finding a different life, a sober life. We can all get stuck in ruts in life, repeating the same behaviors day in and day out. We have to change if we want something different. Addiction is no different. You and Mike are in my thoughts.

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Unread 07-07-2014, 08:25 PM   #490
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Well here we are again waiting for phone calls. Saw that Mike has been arrested for assault and obstructing walkway. Family members are angered cause he is calling middle of night swearing and telling them to go to he'll, I even got the same message. Called the last number he gave me the person who answered said Mike was asked to leave because he was drinking. Said he has a bad drinking problem. He has lost the cell phone for the 3rd time. My husband says if he calls he isn't going to listen to me. I need to know if a alcoholic ever listens and cares what their loved one tries to say to them. I fear each day that Mike is not caring about his life anymore. His anger I know is because he knows he is going down again. I keep the prayers going and hope. Thanks for reading and all your support.Hugs Marilyn
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Unread 07-07-2014, 10:08 PM   #491
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Marilyn,
Sorry to hear Mike is active in his disease. I would agree he is most likely angry with himself and taking it out on others in a misplaced attempt to deflect responsibility for his actions.

Yes the addict will listen but will most likely respond with anger. That was my typical reaction. We know we have a problem and our angry with ourselves when it is pointed out. When he is sick and tired of being sick and tired he will seek help. My opinion based on my limited knowledge of addiction. Surround yourself with support Marilyn when you need it. Thank you for posting.

Saint (((((HUGGS)))))
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Unread 07-08-2014, 12:50 PM   #492
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Thank you Saint for your sincere words. I know he is angry but why can't he realize that his actions will only bring him to destruction. I find it seems to be a joke in society that "They are the drunks of the town" Maybe I am too close to the disease and too emotional. God willing we find our way. Thanks again! Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 07-08-2014, 01:26 PM   #493
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Marilyn, Mike drinks because he is a alcoholic & he chooses to pick up that 1st drink.
You have said that you are afraid he is going to die like your father did at 47 by drinking himself to death. He may just end up that way. It happens every day.

The anger he is showing is typical of the alcoholic. Do not look at yourself, blame everyone else for you actions.

My suggestion is cut off the tie with Mike. Change your phone number do not let him in your house if he shows up. Call the police if he refuses to leave.

You can not enable him in any way. If you do you are helping kill him.

Marilyn this has been going on for years. I feel for you. You have a life to live. So does the rest of your family.

Mike has been in plenty of bad places & still continues to drink. He has used everyone in his life & still drinks. He has to hit his bottom to seek recovery & be willing to make it his number priority.

Last edited by R. Lee; 07-08-2014 at 01:29 PM..
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Unread 07-08-2014, 07:07 PM   #494
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Thank you R Lee for responding to My post. Shutting Mike out completely you believe will make him change the behaviors? I have ignored his calls when he is drunk hung up many times. What I find confusing is alcoholism is a disease that can be treated as long as the abuser wants help if they Don't we are to ignore them and let the chips fall where they may. I really appreciate this forum because I do gain knowledge and direction from so many wonderful caring people. R Lee Yes I have been through many years of up and downs with Mike's alcoholism. I will always love him and remain hopeful that he will become the son I know he can be. I will give your suggestion much thought I thank you for caring about me. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 07-08-2014, 08:37 PM   #495
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Marilyn, No shutting Mike out completely will make Mike change his behaviors. Anything you do will not make Mike do anything he does not want to do.

Yes we also have a son who does not want help with his alcoholism. He does not call me in the middle of the night cursing. If he did we would put a stop to it. We call each other probably every other week. He lives in FL & we live in MI. If he is intoxicated we cut the call short. I can not get my son sober. I do not preach to him about his drinking. It breaks our heart but it is what it is. We also love our son. We would do anything to support his sobriety if he wanted to get sober for himself. As far as we know he is not ready to do anything about his drinking. We pray that will change. Our son has many wonderful virtues & we are thankful for that. He is not a bad son he is a alcoholic who is able to function that way raising three daughters. He has a wonderful wife who is a C.P.A. She is willing to live with him under these conditions.

Marilyn we go back a long way with Mike & his ups & downs. I am sorry if I touched a raw nerve with my post. That was not my intention. Please take what you want from my response to your post & leave the rest. I will always respond to your posts unless you tell me not to.

I am a recovering alcoholic who stays in today. I hope that I wake up tomorrow & that I ask my higher power for guidance to stay a sober man for that day, but tomorrow has not got her yet. I do not take my sobriety lightly. I know that I have to make it the most important objective in my life. If I do not I am no use to anyone.

Take care Marilyn & yes hugs.

Last edited by R. Lee; 07-08-2014 at 08:44 PM..
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Unread 07-09-2014, 05:51 PM   #496
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R Lee I really appreciate your posts, I do take a lot of your experiences of your own sobriety and the sadness you feel about your son who won't embrace sobriety. Well I just received a call from a Social Worker in Maine. Mike was brought to the medical hospital and is n o w in the psychiatric hospital. She wanted some History of Mike, I filled her in about all the years of his alcoholism and the help offered to him. She wants to try to put him somewhere to get help however it is a waiting game for an opening. She says family support is important and I told her how much we have all helped emotionally and financially to come to the same place each time with helping Mike. I then spoke with Mike he says how tired he is can't talk about anything. I told him this social worker wants to help with a place for him and he says at 600.00 month and he has very little after from his S.S disability. I said which I believe made no sense to him "we all have to pay our way". Anyway the conversation ended with me telling him to call if he wanted to talk. So we will see what happens. He doesn't have to stay there just five days is the minimum. Thanks For reading. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 07-09-2014, 08:16 PM   #497
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Marilyn, Mike is now in a safe place. Lets hope he gets the treatment he needs & he can move on to a sober life & your family can find some serenity.

Hugs, R. Lee
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Unread 07-09-2014, 09:03 PM   #498
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So very true he is in a safe place. I feel some peace! Thanks R Lee You are inspirational to me. Hugs, Marilyn
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