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Unread 01-28-2014, 04:06 PM   #1
Buddygirl
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Default Unsure what I feel anymore,guilty

So I finally kicked him out last week after realising he won't stop drinking ,I'm fed up of watching wondering if he's had a drink or if he out drinking,will my children hear us arguing?when he's drunk he says things that are hurtful.after a small time in prison I thought he was clear and wanted to be with us.he came to see kids and sat here crying ,then he sent me messages which has made me feel so guilty.i don't know what I feel anymore just wanna cry.the last thing I wanna do is hurt anyone .i don't want my children ending up like this too .i feel he's just pushed me too far
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Unread 01-29-2014, 12:17 PM   #2
R. Lee
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Buddygirl, Sadness is normal in a situation. I would imagine you are questioning your decision. This is normal.
Don't let him make you feel sad. This is all on him. You are letting him head towards his bottom.
Prison was not his bottom. He has so many yet's yet.
Try & hook up with a support group for family's of alcoholics so you are not going through this by your own. You are always welcome here.
Stay strong & don't back down.
Your children & yourself are most important now.
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Unread 01-29-2014, 01:51 PM   #3
Buddygirl
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He's not making this easy ,he mopes when he comes round like he's so hard done by ivetold him he can't come back here to live while he's drinking and he can't take the kids out if I suspect he's had a drink .im trying to be fair .i don't want my children to end up like him if I can help it,he ended up like his dad.when he got arrested it was for domestic violence ,even though he didn't hit me it was the things he said.hes still doing it ,making me feel worthless and cry a lot.hes saying now that if I loved him I would live with the drinking so I should find my perfect man.and if I let him drink at home and keep beer in fridge he wouldn't binge drink.he thinks it's all a big joke yet refers to other that drink as idiots and p..... Heads .he was such a good loving man ,I miss him that way
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Unread 01-29-2014, 10:52 PM   #4
R. Lee
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Buddygirl, Stay strong & keep him away if this is how he behaves. All he is doing is bringing you down & playing with your sympathy.
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Unread 01-30-2014, 07:31 AM   #5
NancyB
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddygirl View Post
He's not making this easy ,he mopes when he comes round like he's so hard done by ivetold him he can't come back here to live while he's drinking and he can't take the kids out if I suspect he's had a drink .im trying to be fair .i don't want my children to end up like him if I can help it,he ended up like his dad.when he got arrested it was for domestic violence ,even though he didn't hit me it was the things he said.hes still doing it ,making me feel worthless and cry a lot.hes saying now that if I loved him I would live with the drinking so I should find my perfect man.and if I let him drink at home and keep beer in fridge he wouldn't binge drink.he thinks it's all a big joke yet refers to other that drink as idiots and p..... Heads .he was such a good loving man ,I miss him that way
Hi Buddygirl, I think you have to keep remembering what you said:


Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddygirl View Post
he was such a good loving man ,I miss him that way
You are not dealing with that man any longer. You are dealing with his addiction. In reality, his addiction is trying to manipulate you into thinking that you are in the wrong; when it should be if he loved you and your kids, he would NOT want to be around them while drinking.

Have you written him a letter? Sometimes that can be a catharsis. Write your feelings down. Then put it away for a day, re-read it and see if you want to give it to him and let him read it when he is not around you.

Or you could print out the first post from this thread and leave it for him. It's called "A Letter from your Addiction".
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=26236

R. Lee said it all: "Stay strong & keep him away if this is how he behaves. All he is doing is bringing you down & playing with your sympathy."

You are doing the right thing for you and your children.

I hope this is helpful.

Nancy
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Unread 01-30-2014, 11:05 AM   #6
jenm
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Buddygirl -

My heart goes out to you. R Lee and Nancy gave some good advice. The important thing right now is taking care of yourself and your children. Alcoholics will do anything to keep the addiction going. "If only I could drink at home, then I wouldn't ______" - fill in the blank. In my family situation the alcoholic thinks the same way, but in different words. "If only I had _______ as a girlfriend, things would be ok" or "If only I could get this 'perfect' job, then I won't be like this anymore."

The reality is, these are all just excuses and manipulations. I am praying for you. Please continue to share with us, most of us have been through this and know exactly how you are feeling. Take care! Jenm
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Unread 03-01-2014, 09:25 PM   #7
aveca
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddygirl View Post
He's not making this easy ,he mopes when he comes round like he's so hard done by ivetold him he can't come back here to live while he's drinking and he can't take the kids out if I suspect he's had a drink .im trying to be fair .i don't want my children to end up like him if I can help it,he ended up like his dad.when he got arrested it was for domestic violence ,even though he didn't hit me it was the things he said.hes still doing it ,making me feel worthless and cry a lot.hes saying now that if I loved him I would live with the drinking so I should find my perfect man.and if I let him drink at home and keep beer in fridge he wouldn't binge drink.he thinks it's all a big joke yet refers to other that drink as idiots and p..... Heads .he was such a good loving man ,I miss him that way
buddygirl? i feel your pain. you and i are going through the exact same thing. it leaves you empty and hollow. i miss the wonderful man i married. he is a compkete stranger now. i now have to think of him like he died. he has drunken a case a day for over 2 decades.i moved out 6 months ago.he went into a terrible rage.ive never seen anything like it. hes on spending spree. has a girlfriend is young enough to be his daughter. its hidious.
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Unread 03-10-2014, 03:59 PM   #8
stuck here
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Default Sorry

I wish I could get my husband to leave did you get restraining order against him .I have asked mine to leave but he says I have to go .Last time he fell down stairs the paramedic really upset me she asked him if I drank how insulting he is enough as if im that mad to be like him. My neighbor said I should go to police station and get advice isn't it child abuse to swear at me in front of my children.? Can I get him removed he is verbally abusive not physically .I have days cant handle him hate waiting for his next fall down stairs I close my door at night so not to hear him. You are so brave I am scared.
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