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Unread 01-30-2014, 11:33 AM   #101
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Keep it up, Michael! Jenm
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Unread 02-06-2014, 04:27 PM   #102
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Hello all! So it's been awhile since I have posted in my own thread, so I thought I would stop in to drop a line.
First off, I started smoking again...... ugh! I really didn't want to, but I remember R.Lee telling me that if it came down to smoking or drinking, pick smoking. I have actually been smoking for about a month and a half now, but only at work. I leave them there, and don't crave them when I am at home. I guess I just enjoy my little cigarette break in the middle of the day too much to give it up....
On another note, I recently downloaded the last season of the show "Intervention". I have always loved that show, and used to always watch it while I was drinking (I guess it made me feel better about myself, since the people on there had usually hit rock bottom pretty hard and I wasn't there yet). Well, anyways, the first episode was about a young lady addicted to alcohol. She would shake and sweat within five or six hours of not having it. Even though it was such a sad thing to watch, it still made me crave a drink! And I'm not talking about a little "oh I wish I could have a shot" craving. I'm talking that punch in the gut, I want a drink NOW craving. I ended up deleting the rest of the season off my computer. I really wanted to watch it because now that I am sober, I love watching the endings when they turn their lives around, but it's not worth the risk. People, Places, and Things I guess...... Blessings.

Michael
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Unread 02-07-2014, 04:06 AM   #103
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Michael,

Great!!!!! I am very happy for you. WTG

One day at a time...

Ashwin
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Unread 02-07-2014, 05:32 PM   #104
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Michael,

I had one of those cravings you described around the time you are now sober. For me it was the last really strong one.......... so far. Hope that also proves true for you.

Stay vigilant Michael. Keep posting here and keep supporting the fellow alcoholic. Not only do you help them, you also help yourself. You get back part of what you so freely give.

Proud of you Michael. You've come a long way. Oh and don't worry about the cigarettes. There will be a time to get rid of them if you so choose.

Peace,
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Unread 02-08-2014, 07:24 PM   #105
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Michael, You did the right thing, you thought through that 1st drink. You are correct to share about this.

Remember one day at a time.
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Unread 02-16-2014, 02:20 AM   #106
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Default Congratulations.

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I am 90 days sober today, and figured I would start a new thread. I am so excited that I have made it this far. To all of you on here who have helped me along my journey, thank you! Blessings.

Michael
Hi Michael, I am just starting the 10th day, going to have to play catch up with you veterans
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Unread 02-16-2014, 10:17 AM   #107
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Endoftether... It's not a race we need to be happy that we have everyone here to support us and show it can be done! I am such a competitive person. . Taking this advice myself has been fun to let go of that 'nature' and just 'nurture' the process! Congratulations on your success! !!!!!
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Unread 02-16-2014, 03:20 PM   #108
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I can recall feeling much the same when R Lee announced his 5 years of sobriety. It can seem overwhelming if we think to far ahead of ourselves. Keep your eye on the prize and work it one day at a time. Before you know it you'll have caught up.

Congrats on your sober time!

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Unread 02-17-2014, 03:07 PM   #109
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Thank you endoftether! However, you and I are in the same boat, just trying to make it through today without drinking. You can do this, just keep reaching out!

OK group, I am in need of some support. More than anything I just need to vent everything on here to get it out of my head and into the open, but yall's advice is always much appreciated.
I am leaving Illinois soon. So many ridiculous things have gone on in this church over the past 2 years, and I have been ignoring them all because I am comfortable here. The church has gone into foreclosure, and we are having services in the house due to poor financial stewardship. The Pastors have taken to acting self righteous, and because of this our attendance is down to about 10 adults. There is honestly too much for me to list here so I am just going to stop.....
The point is, I know that I am called to ministry, and I can't minister in a place that is filled with people who think they are better than everyone else. Every time a new person comes in the door, they are turned off immediately by the "better than" attitudes that are exhibited by the Pastors and part of the leadership team. I am DONE! DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!!
Since I live with the Pastors, if I leave the church, I am going to need to move out as well. So, with that being said, I have a few options. My friend, who is also getting ready to leave the church for the same reasons, has offered for me to stay with her. Or, I can move back to Texas and live with my dad until I can get my own place. I will be happy there because I can get involved with my old church again, and the Pastors there are fabulous. They also have a large church due to living an exemplary life, with Godly attitudes. The only negative is that with living in my dad's house, I have to watch him get plastered day after day after day, which would definitely be a trigger for me.
IDK what I am going to do, but all of the stress of the situation, and the decision making, has me craving a drink HARD! I just want something to get me out of reality, I honestly don't even care what it is at this point.
However, I know that is not an option. I don't want to go back to who I was. I am nearly 6 months sober, and I have come soooo far! I simply will not succumb to throwing everything away for a moment of relief. I just got to keep my head on straight, think through this situation, and think through that first drink. One day at a time right?...... Blessings.

Michael
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Unread 02-17-2014, 04:06 PM   #110
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Hi Michael. .. vent away!!

I would like to support you by sharing events of my life a year and a half ago. A little history: I was raised catholic, not much positive. . And have always kept my faith, but do not attend church regularly at all. Event: I always referred to my father as 'my rock'. When he passed and I spent my first evening cleaning out his room, I grabbed the bible from his room and swapped it with the one in one in mine. That night, as I led in the bed.. confused, hurt, lost... i decided to open the bible with my eyes closed and point my finger to a spot on the page, then open my eyes and read. My body shook as I read the line my finger was on, I still find it hard to believe - Samuel 22.3 - "the God of my rock; in him will I trust..." so... i then believed that I must attend a church mass.. it was a sign. So, I attended a church mass at the community church I 'attach' myself to here. The sermon was on this topic: being a 'good' Christian. And the pastor spoke of the fact that it was not being there that made us a 'good' Christian. . But what we did on the days, hours and minutes in between. Well then, I thought, I guess I'm not so wrong.. i smiled up towards the sky, and said 'Thank you'.

It sounds to me your 'people' may need to hear that sermon, too. And to you, hear the words of Samuel 22.3. At least maybe the way I did. I look up and ask for strength and guidance.. then I follow the path of my mind and where it leads me. That is how I got here, to this forum, that is how I have been living since my father's passing... just ask, and you shall receive! I believe your path will be laid out in front of you, if you choose to see it

From my heart... -Hockeygirl
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Unread 02-17-2014, 07:25 PM   #111
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People, places and things Michael. Stress can also be a huge trigger, as you know. Try not to get caught up in all the drama. Things happen but remember, we get to choose how we react to them. A good workout can get rid of most of the stress, albeit temporarily,but may allow you to think clearly. Talk a walk, breathe, let go of the stress. Focus on the good things in your life. When your mind is clear you will make the right decision.

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Unread 02-17-2014, 09:57 PM   #112
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Michael -

It is no secret that I am a Christian. I am sad to hear of the state of your church. Pray about your situation. Pray often. The answer will be clear to you at some point. Like Saint said, when your mind is clear. And for goodness sake do not even think about drinking over it. You don't have to drink over anything, big or small. Isn't that wonderful news? In the past, you may have just began to drink over something like this. This time, you came here. Awesome! Take care and keep us posted! Jenm
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Unread 02-17-2014, 11:11 PM   #113
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Michael, It was suggested to me no big moves for the 1st year of sobriety. I understand your situation & you have to move.

THINK THROUGH THAT URGE!! TAKE IT ONE MOMENT AT A TIME. YOU ARE WORTH BEING SOBER!!
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Unread 02-18-2014, 12:31 AM   #114
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M,
Don't let your fear of or dependence on a particular concept of God or god let you down or let you falter. God is in all of us. He is the best of all of us. Read some quantum physics ( I'll send titles later). Those who USE him to foster their own agendas will always lose their way. Your concept of God helps to remind me that he (she) is the personification of the best of all of us. The church is only a house of God and of men. It can contain the best of us and the worst of us, as any other place on earth can do. Walk outside the "church" into God's created world: smell the roses, watch the animals, rejoice in the fresh air, whether it is 65* F or below freezing. DO NOT let your loss of faith in people destroy your faith in the goodness of the world.
You have given me so much hope, even when you were in despair.
Remember that the church and churchmen are NOT GOD. God is the best in all of us and the best in the world outside of us.
Gee whiz, I am the one who says I can't depend on the higher power and now I am defending her (him).
You have given me hope in the past 6 months. Let us now be the wind beneath your wings. Do not let people diminish your hope and faith. Listen to those who encourage your hope and faith, in yourself and your God.
I love you and I thank you.
Susie
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Unread 02-18-2014, 12:33 AM   #115
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Think you everyone for your support. I did not drink today. My mind is still not "clear" enough to make a decision though. My head is swimming with so many emotions. Anger, Fear, Passion, just to name a few. I guess I should be grateful that I am feeling at all......
I am still waiting to hear back from my Pastor's wife from back in Texas. I sent her a message a few days ago regarding my situation, just to get some good sound advice. She told me to give her a few days to pray about it, and she will get back with me. I won't make any decisions until I hear from her. In the meantime, I am going to focus on staying strong, keeping my head up, and not allowing myself to use this situation as an excuse to give up in any area of my life. I love you all, and am beyond grateful for your support. Blessings!

Michael
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Unread 02-18-2014, 06:55 AM   #116
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michaelc232 View Post
I am still waiting to hear back from my Pastor's wife from back in Texas. I sent her a message a few days ago regarding my situation, just to get some good sound advice. She told me to give her a few days to pray about it, and she will get back with me.
Hi Michael, if you decide to go back to Texas, do you think the Pastor's wife could help you find somewhere to live instead of moving back with your father? Maybe someone from the church has an extra room in their home where you could stay for a bit while you get yourself situated? Just a thought I wanted to add to everyone's great advice.

Stay strong. You ARE worth it.

Nancy
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Unread 02-18-2014, 11:13 AM   #117
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Nancy, that is a great idea. And if I do move back to Texas, I will definitely inquire about that. Thank you!
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Unread 02-18-2014, 01:39 PM   #118
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Michael,

I love Nancy's suggestion. I also worry about your sobriety should you move back in your Father. Do what you need to do, but don't endanger your sobriety. As Lee says, think through that first drink. Bad days happen, we need to learn to live through them sober. Every day is not a parade!

Hang in there Michael. We all love and care for you!!!

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Unread 02-18-2014, 02:46 PM   #119
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Thank you Saint. I completely agree, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that moving in with him is really not an option. It's a guaranteed relapse.
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Unread 02-18-2014, 05:07 PM   #120
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Michael, I thought your father had offered you alcohol when you just saw him but was not sure so I did not mention living with him.

Your father could care less about your sobriety so living with him is not a option if you want to stay sober.
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Unread 02-23-2014, 11:22 AM   #121
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How's it going, Micheal?? I hope things are good and your mind is not overwhelming you...

Have Amazing Thoughts Today!

-Hockeygirl
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Unread 02-25-2014, 12:20 PM   #122
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Thanks for checking on me Hockeygirl. I really appreciate it!

I am doing ok. I have been through alot of stress this last week. I finally talked with my Pastors and told them that I am leaving. I felt that the meeting went well, and we all understood each other. But now, my Pastor is standoffish with me, and is acting upset. But, this is honestly what I expected. He has been acting like a victim about everything lately, which is why the church is dying.
So, my friend (the one who is also leaving the church) and I will be moving in together at the end of April. This will permit me to stay up here, and I won't have to live with my dad and be tempted with alcohol everyday. I'm really glad for this!
So, I just have to suck it up for the next 2 months, and deal with the whiny attitudes, and I will be able to move on.
BTW, I am 6 months alcohol free today! Super excited about that! Blessings!

Michael
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Unread 02-25-2014, 07:56 PM   #123
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Congrats on the 6 months Michael!!!!! Stay vigilant.

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Unread 02-25-2014, 09:23 PM   #124
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Michael, From the abyss to 6 months sober. Congratulation Michael, you help me stay sober for another day.
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Unread 02-26-2014, 05:56 AM   #125
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Congratulations Michael! Great job!!! So proud of you!


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Unread 02-27-2014, 06:45 AM   #126
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Hello Micheal. Bright blessings to you.

I just wanted to say that i know how much strength it takes to stay on the path we have chosen. To be 6 months sober is a truly, truly magnificent achievement for an alcoholic that was once so lost. I am so proud to know you.

(Just a quick aside, a TOTALLY agree, personal i do not think moving in with your Father makes a great deal of sense. You have worked so darn hard to get where you are, i wouldn't put any danger or triggers into the mix at this stage)

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Huge pride and Loveness to you Michael.
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Unread 02-27-2014, 10:36 AM   #127
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Michael. Congratulations on 6 months of sobriety. I am sooo proud of you. Follow your heart my friend and keep doing the right things for yourself, one day at a time and you never have to go back to that misery you were in. Woo hoo for you!!!! You are doing FANTASTICALLY!!!
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Unread 03-03-2014, 05:11 PM   #128
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Michael,
Hope you are well and making the best of a situation not to your liking. Trying times can also be a time for personal growth, to acknowledge things about ourselves that we are happy with and acknowledge things we want to improve. Take care and stay vigilant.

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Unread 03-04-2014, 09:04 PM   #129
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Thanks for checking up on me Saint. I am doing ok. I am still very uncomfortable with this change, even though I know that it is for the best. I've had some extra stress thrown on me lately. I'm having to save money back to get a vehicle ASAP, and the impending "move date" is fast approaching. Just trying to take it one day at a time.

Michael
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Unread 03-05-2014, 12:46 PM   #130
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Glad to hear you're doing Ok Michael. Stress can be a huge trigger to drink. All the emotions swirling around, pent up anxiety, worries of the future, phew, it can be a burden. Hang in there and don't keep it all inside. We are here for you. Take care Michael. Thinking of you.

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Unread 03-05-2014, 03:57 PM   #131
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Michael, Do not get overwhelmed. Things will work out how our higher power has it planned. This is the time we need a support group to call someone in recovery to help us through this. If you have no none to call post here & get it off your chest. We can not do this alone.
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Unread 03-06-2014, 12:09 AM   #132
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Congrats!! 6 months... and with this thing called 'life' going on too!! Awesome, and the future is getting brighter by the day!
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Unread 03-10-2014, 10:35 PM   #133
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Well, I weighed in on Sunday, and it is official, I have lost over 30 pounds! I have been trying to get over this hump for a month now, and I finally did it! I did it by switching from my regular workout routine, to the new Jillian Michael's "30 day shred." It is really tough, but it works. Just thought I would share my little victory with everyone. Blessings!

Michael
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Unread 03-10-2014, 11:09 PM   #134
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Woohooo! !!
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Unread 03-11-2014, 11:34 AM   #135
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Michael, Good going!!
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Unread 03-12-2014, 09:28 AM   #136
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That is awesome,Michael! Great job! Jenm
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Unread 03-12-2014, 07:48 PM   #137
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Hello Michael. So many bright blessings to you.

I don't really know what 30 pounds means my friend. I know whatever it is you are doing, you are working darn hard at it. I can tell you that if you want to lose another £30, you can drop it in England anywhere. It's ok, my radar will find it.

Loveness Michael
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Unread 03-12-2014, 09:45 PM   #138
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Tryn, LOL that is so funny! I'm not sure which type of measurement system you are used to in England, but 30 pounds would equate to 13.6 kilograms, or 2.14 stones.
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Unread 03-19-2014, 12:50 PM   #139
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Michael,

How's everything going? 30 lb. weight loss is awesome not to mention you must feel a whole lot better after working out. I've had days I've struggled to get out the door for a run but feel so much better mentally and physically after. It is always worth it.

Keep up the good work Michael. Give us a shout out when you have a moment.

Regards,
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Unread 03-20-2014, 06:03 PM   #140
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This is the hardest post I have ever had to make. I am almost 7 months alcohol free. But over the last month, I have become addicted to Tramadol, a synthetic opiate analgesic. I take from 100-200 mg a day, and when I do not have them I am irritable, angry, and over-emotional. I know what staying on this path will lead to. I am seeking help soon. Just trying to find some good online support groups to start with, and work my way from there. I'm so incredibly disappointed in myself. Blessings.

Michael
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Unread 03-20-2014, 06:42 PM   #141
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Hi Michael, I'm sorry to hear about the tramadol, but glad you opened up about it. How long can you go without taking any? Are you self-medicating with them - i.e. for depression / anxiety or the like?

We have the opiate forum here: http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...splay.php?f=45
Most people there are or have taken Suboxone - but there are some who didn't and just needed some anonymous support.

At this point, in my opinion, you don't need Suboxone for the tramadol. You would have to taper off of that and since you have only been taking it for a month and at around what they say are therapeutic doses for pain patients. In my opinion, if you could just surround yourself with support and work on the triggers and cravings, you will do fine.

One thing that might help is CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). This is a link to a free CBT site that a bunch of people on the opiate forum have found useful in dealing with cravings. https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/
Maybe you could add that tool and hopefully it will be helpful.

Take the disappointment you have and turn it into resolve to put this behind you.
You can do it Michael. I have faith in you!

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Unread 03-20-2014, 07:36 PM   #142
michaelc232
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Nancy. Thank you for your quick response.

I began taking them on rare occasions at my friends house (she is prescribed them). I would take them on days that I was angry, or just unhappy about life in general. Then, one day, I went off the deep end and got really upset about something. Can't even remember what it was. Next thing I knew, I was buying them 5 at a time, 10 at a time, and now 20 at a time. I also recently purchased some Hydrocodone and take those on occasion as well. I have around 20 pills altogether right now. I am taking about 3-4 50mg pills a day. What is the best way to taper off?
Also, I will definitely be checking out the CBT site. Thanks again for your support, I am already feeling like I have hope again. I should have came here the second that I realized things were getting bad, this forum is such a jewel. Blessings!

Michael
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Unread 03-20-2014, 08:08 PM   #143
nan
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Hi Michael, I was on hydrocodone for many months while I was suffering with some serious pain issues. It was no problem for me to just decrease the amount of daily medication over a period of a week or so. But then, I was not misusing the medication due to stress, anxiety, etc so my brain wasn't expecting any of that. I found this interesting piece,

...Although it is always best to taper off hydrocodone under the guidance of a doctor, if you are completely unwilling or unable to see a doctor you can gradually reduce your dose on your own. Reducing your dose approximately 25 percent every other day may prevent withdrawal effects, according to the National Pain Foundation...

So I don't think you will have a physical problem tapering the medication, you will have to work on the reason why you were taking them-the mental aspect. NancyB's suggestion of the CBT site is a good one, that is for sure. Also, writing on here to work through the tough times could be of help also.

It is great that you came here to talk about this. Get it out in the open and deal with it. Good for you! Best wishes!

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Unread 03-20-2014, 08:31 PM   #144
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Michael,
I am so glad you posted and you got this out in the open. For me my drug of choice was alcohol but I have been tempted at times to take opiate pain meds when they were available. The ex wife had surgery and was prescribed some form of opiate for the pain. I was sober for a few months and can recall staring at the bottle. I knew what those pills represented. An opportunity to get high. Michael we're here for you, to support you. I am thankful you didn't keep this locked up inside you any longer. Get the help you need to get off this drug and then work on why you picked up.... Progress not perfection.
Michael.

Take care and keep posting.
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Unread 03-21-2014, 05:27 AM   #145
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Hi Michael, nan has some good advice on tapering. If you don't think you can do this alone, can you ask a friend to help you? Maybe give him/her what you have and only take enough to safely taper off. You could start with taking 2 or 3 today and in a couple of days take 1 or 2 and then soon enough be done with them. But I think since you have 20 pills, it might be good to give them to someone so you're not tempted to take more.

Your biggest challenge may be psychological rather than physical since you were taking them to self medicate. Are you unhappy about life as suffering from depression? Or is it more situational because of the changes you're in the midst of with the church and moving, etc.? There are some natural things to take for depression - if you think that you might need some help during this transition you're going through. This link has some stuff I posted for someone in the other forum:

http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...1&postcount=41

There's also L-Tyrosine that others have found helpful. Here's a post with information on that:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...postcount=4524

It would be best if you could speak with a doctor if you are suffering from depression, but if it's a choice between taking opiates or some L-Tyrosine or 5-HTP, in my opinion, the latter would be the better choice.

Keep us posted Michael - even if it's to vent, ok?

Nancy
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Unread 03-21-2014, 12:35 PM   #146
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Michael, As stated by others watch how you taper of this drug.

It was your choice to take this drug that was not prescribed to you. Now you have the choice what to do about it.

Taking a drug not prescribed to you is not living a sober life.

Thanks for being honest. That is your 1st step to sobriety.
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Unread 03-21-2014, 10:51 PM   #147
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R. Lee, I am more than aware that this was my decision, and that in turn I am no longer living a sober life until I give up the drug....

Thank you Nancy, Saint and Nan for your helpful responses. I appreciate it more than you know. I have already logged onto the CBT site and started my therapy, and giving the pills to somebody else to help me taper off is a fantastic idea! I just need to figure out the right person for the job. I am definitely going to check out those natural remedies for depression as well. Thank you all so much! Blessings!

Michael
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Unread 03-22-2014, 04:38 AM   #148
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Michael,

Bottom line....resolve the issues why we resort to using whatever our drug of choice is and it makes staying sober doable, in my humble opinion. Support from others
also helps. That's why posting here, visiting here is important to my sobriety. We move towards that which we think about.

You've been sober for six months so you know what works for you. Figure out what's not working for you and resolve to change that part of your life, how you think, how you react to situations....how you react to life. Progress Michael... Keep moving forward. The drugs just hold us back from being who we want to be, who we were meant to be.

Thinking of you,
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Unread 03-22-2014, 06:03 PM   #149
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Hello Michael, bright blessings to you.

This concerns me. Tramadol has eclectic effects, and i am sure this is why you have found comfort in them.

The concept of "substituting" one addiction for another, in my opinion wrong.

When we all fell and succumbed to alcohol, we were all looking for a blanket of "blank out", because our lives had led us there. Substituting the "drug", is only finding another way of doing the same thing.

But you know that.

You have not "relapsed", you are not failing yourself, you are sharing with a family that always has something to share back.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

Only useful if you can talk to yourself. Will you tell the things you will tell others, to yourself?

When i am asked how therapy works, i encourage that it is a process of spiritual awakening, and personal silence. When what all our heads are telling us to do this that and the other, an addict in recovery, i believe is able to refrain from throwing the bus driver off the bus, ............and breathe........

Never forget to smile.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Massive strength and loveness to you Michael.
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Unread 03-23-2014, 04:26 PM   #150
michaelc232
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Hello everyone. Thank you so much Saint, and Tryn, for your input. It has been overwhelmingly helpful. The main subject of both of your posts was pretty much "Figure out why you are doing what you are doing, then start fixing it." (correct me if I am wrong.)
So I have been doing alot of thinking over the last couple of days as to why I am substituting Tramadol for Alcohol. Stress is a major factor, but I honestly thing that it is a symptom, and not the problem. I am going to share something with you guys that I don't talk about very much. But I trust all of you, so here goes.....
I live a double life. As most of you know, from previous posts, I am a homosexual. But at the same time, I am involved in a ministry that believes that homosexuality is a sin. As far as the ministers know, I am just "struggling" with my sexuality, and I don't actually give into it, or live that way. But when I am at work, or with friends, I am just Michael. No hiding my sexuality, no holding back feelings, just me. I feel that living in these 2 worlds has torn me in half, and I am in need of some serious mending. So I have decided that I am done living like this. Since I am leaving this ministry in a couple of months anyway, there is no better time than now to move on with my life, and just be Michael, full time. I have fought myself for so long because I was raised in church, and I was taught that homosexuality is a sin, and will of course take you to hell. But after fighting for 10 years now to try and change, I must assume that the creator of the universe made me this way for a reason, and loves me just the way that I am. I truly feel that this is my biggest problem, and is the main tree from which stems most of my other emotional issues that I am drowning with substances.
Any thoughts, ideas, or comments are welcome. Thank you all for being such great people that I feel I can trust with the deepest darkest parts of me. Blessings.

Michael
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