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Unread 07-30-2009, 12:06 PM   #1
Frankie
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Default AA never worked for me

Hi Folks,

Just found this forum, and have some questions like: Do people stay sober on line? I've tried AA in the past with little success, like 90 days a few times, but never could spill my guts out in a room full of strangers. Lots of people don't go to AA for that very reason.

I would listen to some people share, and think to myself that I want what that person has. Then after the meeting, I would pic their brain a little, and would find out that a lot of it was bs, but they stayed sober. How can you lie in a meeting and stay sober? They did.

Also, I couldn't get the god thing, and that was not a good way to be in the meetings I went to. Lots of religulous nuts. Lots of 90 day wonders who were more than happy to give you lots of advice when they didn't have a clue themselves except that god would fix everything.

I drank from 8 to 12 beers every night for many years. Then it started beating me up too much, so I cut it down to every other day. That hurt my health, so it was twice per week. Now 8 to 10 beers once per wk. is hurting me. Part of my drinking is to stimulate my appetite, then eat a gut bomb and go to bed.

I can go a few wks. without drinking, but I always go back to it. It's too bad AA is a god thing, and all about sharing in a room full of strangers. Back then I had a business, and I didn't want the word to get out that I was going to meetings, ( my competitors would and did use it against me) and it did get out from the meetings. All the AA's would say that it's no big deal, but most of them didn't have businesses. Thanks for listening.
I live in so. cal.

Frank
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Unread 07-30-2009, 05:34 PM   #2
CarlyO
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Default Hi and Welcome Frankie,

Hi Frankie,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for telling us a bit about what is going on.

This site is dedicated to providing information, resources and support involving alcohol related issues. This is not an AA site - but there are many people who share who happen to have had success with the AA program. but we know that there are many options out there today, so I suggest take what you need and leave what you don't .
I posted a link to several types of programs. And I do think an online forum is an excellent resource to share, vent, find out info. etc... all with annonimity, on your schedule.

About AA, it is not for everyone, I respect that. That is why there is Rational Recovery , Smart Recovery etc.... people can recover in several different ways.
I do have a foundation in AA, along with counseling, treatment : as my life was in shambles, I had lost everything. Each AA group varies, I never got the feeling that God /Religion, was being forced on me,( i would have moved on to a different meeting ! ) it was a God of my understanding. Though, I respect that people can get help through church support, to me it just matters that they survive this disease, I am not going to judge how.

These 90 day wonders you speak of are probably not the people you want advice from, I was always told to seek out people who had substantial time, and a solid program.

Yes, talking to a room a full strangers or people you do bussiness with should be confidential, but we all know people are human and I am sorry that happened to you.

Maybe try this forum, there is also, counseling , medication could be an option but you would need to discuss it with a doctor. You obviously can go long periods of time without alcohol, so that is a good thing, yes? Do you know what your triggers are ?

I hope you will be back, if you have any questions let us know, I hope all is going well today.

Again, Welcome and take care, Carly


Below is a list of the various support groups that are available and how to find one near you. There is now much more than traditional AA, there are many types of support groups out there.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/resour...port-links.cfm

Link to medication assisted treatment options... this can sometimes be a great tool in your efforts to stay stopped.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm
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Unread 07-30-2009, 06:44 PM   #3
theswan
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one does not have to share in an open forum to get sober. Share with select friends and of course a sponsor if that is an issue. AA is a good program that can be screwed up by its members. Try and stick with what works for you.

I do not want to pick on you but folks can fall into a trap of fault finding and thus throw out the baby with the bathwater.

I am in AA twenty plus years and have my own issues with some "stuff" including the holy rollers who upon close exam are not so holy. We do have a common problem and the steps can improve ones outlook. Please try and look for some good folks and use the principles rather then the personalities.

Good luck

Glen
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Unread 07-30-2009, 09:51 PM   #4
Frankie
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Thanks very much for the responce. In my self centered trashing of AA, I didn't stop to think that there might be new commers here thinking about going to their first AA meeting. Duh.

Going to AA meetings kept me sober for 1/3 of the time in a 4 yr. period years ago. If AA works for you, then do it! It's worked for many people for many years, so don't go by me.

As far as triggers, certain people make me nervous. When I was working, a lot of times bidding jobs made me want to drink afterwords. Looking at it now, it seems that I have a people phobia. I think thats why I couldn't share, or even read out loud. Outside of the meetings (after the meetings), I didn't have a whole lot of trouble talking to people one on one, or two. Don't know what to do about that problem.

Before I forget, the links (Carly) you gave me are dead. I did get a r.r. book some time back, but it didn't seem to work for me. Not even sure if I still have it.

If it wasn't for my people problem, I would simply go to AA meetings again, and take the good with the bad, but I just can't see myself going back to showing up 2 min. late so I wouldn't be called on to read, and then sweating to death in fear that I would be called on to share, to the point that I couldn't obsorb all the important sharing, that being the main reason why I went to meetings in the first place. The god thing I could work around somehow. Too bad I can't overhaul my brain. Ha! Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 07-30-2009, 10:46 PM   #5
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Frankie, Welcome to the site. I tried A.A. in 1984 & it did not work for me. I tried to quit several times on my own but always went back to drinking. I tried A.A. in 2004 & have been sober since. When I started to get sober in A.A. I was a hard core atheist. It was suggested in A.A. to believe in a higher power. I realy fought that concept. I stayed around A.A. & learned that all I had to do is be willing to accept the idea of a higher power. One night I looked up into the sky & realized that there is something higher than a human being. What that is I DON'T KNOW & that is fine with me. I can not explain to anyone what my higher power is but I know I'm not the highest rung on the ladder. You don't have to share at a meeting. All you have to say is your 1st name & that you have a desire not to drink today. Put your bull s--t filter on & only take away what you want. Good luck, R. Lee
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Unread 07-31-2009, 10:59 AM   #6
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Hi Frankie,

Sorry about the error response with the links - I will fix that - in the meantime you can click on to any of the links to the right hand side of this page Under Resources.

I also tried AA, then quit several times, but when I enetered a program AA and counseling were mandatory. I think I went several months before speaking, lol I would sweat , worry also about being called on.
It helped that I was with a group of people that I knew- but still was difficult at first. I also went to a lot of speaker meetings, most people do not like them, but I loved them, I always learned something and felt better afterwards ( and I did not have to talk ) .
I was dealing some legal issues and I was scared out of mind, so I started sharing about that and felt better for putting it out there and getting solid feedback from people who had been through similar situations.
But I completely understand about walking into the rooms, I dare say most have felt that way at some point.

Imo keep an open mind with any type of support you are considering. You are taking a big step by coming here and sharing ! Again, sorry about the links and glad you told me, I need to fix that.

Hope you have a great day - take care Carly
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Unread 07-31-2009, 11:35 AM   #7
Frankie
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Thanks R.Lee, Glen, and Carly.

As far as going to meetings again and not sharing, or reading etc., I just don't think I can do that again, because eventually the do gooders will put the reading (forgot what it's called that they read before the meeting) in front of me (will not take no for a answer) and say that I have to particaipate in my own sobriety, then I will have to explain to the whole room why I can't do these things, and then they will share (later on) that it's useless to go to meetings if you don't particaipate. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Nutty as that sounds, it's enough to keep me away. Once on the smoke brake, I shared with the leader of a meeting (outside smoking) that I can't share, read etc., and he said don't worry, we just won't call on you. When the meeting restarted, I was the first person he called on to share.
Just don't know what to do about my dammed people problem. It's not their fault, it's me. Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 07-31-2009, 01:36 PM   #8
theswan
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Wow what a jerk! He said he would not call on you and did? Seems like different meetings are in order.

Not sure where you live but in the Northeast we have meetings all over all the time.

I actually got sober in the car rides we took to go to what we called "outgoing" meetings. Our group took speaking meetings all over the tri-state area. Heck it was a ball traveling with 6-8 carloads of group members all over. We then got together with us younger folk (back then I was young) and started to go out to a movie, bowling etc after the meetings.

Gee I miss the fun we had-the meetings was so pushed into the background and the "fellowshipping" was what got us sober.

Very few AA groups follow this way of getting sober but they are out there. They have drawbacks like having grand-poopas who want to run the show etc. But overall it is a great way to carry the message.

Stick with the one on one heck, come late if you have to just to hang out with a select few after the meetings- whatever it takes! I'd hate to see ya miss out.

Glen
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Unread 07-31-2009, 04:25 PM   #9
Frankie
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Thanks Glen and Carly,

I didn't really think about going to speaker meetings only. Where I live, there aren't a whole lot of speaker meetings, but i'm pretty sure there is at least one or two about an hour away. I haven't been to a meeting of any kind in 12 years, at least, and I have no idea where they are now. The area has grown up so much in 12 yrs., i'm sure there must be lots of them by now. Is there a way to get an up to date meeting schedule in my area? I used to just get them in meetings.

As far as the jerk (Glen spoke about) in one of the last meetings I went to, there are jerks everywhere, especially some of the meetings I went to. I learned not to trust a lot of them. If they were not very nice folks when they were drinking, a lot of them were not any better sober. These meetings were not in bad areas. About 1/2 the people were upscale. I don't think I ever went to a meeting where there wasn't at least one a-hole, and these folks would eventually lead the meeting. I got tired of it and just never came back.

I agree with Glen about going out with the gang after the meeting, and the good that comes of it, but sometimes that was a little clickish, and the a-holes of course came along and would occasionally let me know that it's high time for me to start sharing etc. One guy even (outside of the meeting) told me that he, and other folks in the meeting got (I guess) togeather and desided I should either share, or find another meeting. Poor guy died not too long after that.

It's real hard for me (I know, poor baby, Ha!) to muster up the inthuiasm to go back to meetings. Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 07-31-2009, 10:23 PM   #10
R. Lee
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Frankie, That was 12 years ago. There are A.A. hotlines to give you information on meetings to go to today. Take it 1 day at a time & at least keep coming back to this site. Don't try doing it by yourself. Good luck. R. Lee
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Unread 08-01-2009, 01:09 AM   #11
theswan
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New York has a link to meetings but I suck at sending links so just google AA meeting list and something will pop up

I hope ya find something that fits you.

Glen
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Unread 08-01-2009, 06:05 PM   #12
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HI Frankie,

I am glad you are keeping an open mind ! Every concern you have posted is valid, imo- but as they say look for the similarities not the differences. I know it all sounds hokey, all of those sayings, but they but if getting to an AA meeting or any type of support meeting helps then it is worth a try.

I hope this link works - I tried it and it did, just in case google Alcoholics annonymous. The link takes you right to the AA meeting locator.
There is also a local number listed in most phone books/or online yellow pages, where I live - it is manned 24/7.

Glenn reminded me of how much fun it was in the early days, I learned I had 2 choices, to stay at home and be lonely and miserable or to go to a meeting and feel better. Age, status , all of that stuff did not matter - we all shared the same feelings inside. Ok Ok enough of memory lane !

I know you mentioned you can go long periods without drinking, I just want to make sure you are being safe about alcohol withdrawals. Please, if you need help you will see a professional.
AA website /meeting link ...

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/meeting_fi...fm?origpage=29

Example : I typed in New York - not sure your location, this is one of many contacts that came up .
Intergroup Association
New York, NEW YORK 10001
United States

Site: www.nyintergroup.org
Email: generalinformation@nyintergroup.org

I hope this helps and that you are having a good weekend, keep us posted -
take care, Carly : )
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Last edited by CarlyO; 08-01-2009 at 06:07 PM.. Reason: adding info
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Unread 08-05-2009, 12:50 AM   #13
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Hi Frankie,

Just checking on you - hope all is going well. Carly
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Unread 08-07-2009, 09:07 PM   #14
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Hi- There are so many ways to stay sober.12 step meetings are just one way out of many.There have been amazing advances in the medical research of alcoholism.Many great medications have been developed that could put drinking at bay for good for you.Since you are not a fan of 12 step sobriety, why not look into it? I love discussing alternative means for people to stay sober because I have never been a big 12 step supporter myself.I do respect the format, just like to consider alternatives!
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Unread 08-08-2009, 10:40 AM   #15
thanksbarbara
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I really do not get AA, all I ever get for advice is go to AA,
I cannot understand how AA is the only solution to my miserable life.
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Unread 08-08-2009, 02:09 PM   #16
CarlyO
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Default Hi ThanksBarbara and welcome to the forum

Hi Thanksbarbara,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you will read the links and other info regarding treatment options. Frankie who started this thread asked specific questions about AA so we answer them, but please know there are MANY other options - the important thing to do is find what works for you.
We are not an AA site, but if AA works for a certain member then that is what they share about.

If you could tell us a bit more about yourself then that would help us, help you. What have you tried in the past ?

I will post some links to options for treatment and you can always use the Alcohol Dependence Locator search feature on the right side of page- just enter in your zip code.

Welcome to the forum and will post those links . Take care, Carly
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Unread 08-08-2009, 02:21 PM   #17
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Default Info about treatment options

Hi Again Thanksbarbara,

The link below explains the different options for treatment. To summarize: there is counseling, Medication Assisted treatment, Peer support, In Patient, Intensive Outpatient ....
There are groups such as AA, Rational Recovery, SMART Recovery...
I hope you will read more about them and maybe there is something that would be a good fit for you.


It sounds like you are frustrated and I can understand that. If you have any questions, just need to vent etc.. I hope you will post .

Take care, Carly

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...ns/default.cfm

Frequently asked questions , info ...

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/alcoho...-questions.cfm
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Last edited by CarlyO; 08-08-2009 at 02:22 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Unread 08-08-2009, 04:03 PM   #18
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If there is one thing that one benefits from a relationship with AA philosophy and meetings is connecting. I believe no one would disagree that the addiction lifestyle is patently isolating. The process of recovery is about connection and reestablishing healthy relationships. AA is not the only way. But like any other social environment, you will find difference in style from group to group. The leader that betrayed his promise, I hope you spoke with him. Let him know how dishonest and thoughtless that was. You are not required to speak at a meeting. As many averse and off putting experiences one may encounter were there any positive, favorable encounters?

Well I am not going to defend AA, it speaks for itself. But an honest social support group is crucial to undoing the affects of an addictive relationship.
Just my two cents.
Jerry
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Unread 08-09-2009, 01:06 AM   #19
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I'm new, keep that in mind. I can't stand sharing either, when I go to meetings I get there late and leave early, I try to only go to speaker meetings, it may be selfish but I go because it keeps me from going to a bar. I don't talk and if I get called out I go to a different meeting next time, I also don't raise my hand when they ask who's new. I may catch hell for this but its the only way I can do it, and I do it because it gives me something to do when I want a drink, until they start serving at a meeting I'm safe there, after its over I don't want one anymore, and I've put another sober day in the can, just a newly sober guys 2 cents, for what its worth.
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Unread 08-09-2009, 04:37 PM   #20
Frankie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerryg View Post
If there is one thing that one benefits from a relationship with AA philosophy and meetings is connecting. I believe no one would disagree that the addiction lifestyle is patently isolating. The process of recovery is about connection and reestablishing healthy relationships. AA is not the only way. But like any other social environment, you will find difference in style from group to group. The leader that betrayed his promise, I hope you spoke with him. Let him know how dishonest and thoughtless that was. You are not required to speak at a meeting. As many averse and off putting experiences one may encounter were there any positive, favorable encounters?

Well I am not going to defend AA, it speaks for itself. But an honest social support group is crucial to undoing the affects of an addictive relationship.
Just my two cents.
Jerry
Jerry,

I did have a talk with meeting leader afterwords. He was trying to help me. I did share (that meeting that he called on me) that I couldn't understand how they could share their problems in front of people, let alone in front of folks without drinking problems, and who are only there to check aa out etc. as part of their jobs. It was an open meeting, and i've been to closed meeting that would alow anyone in.

I do agree that being around other people who really have a drinking problem is very helpful. The god thing gave me fits, as it was shared about a lot, but I did get a lot out of the good sharing. Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 08-09-2009, 04:57 PM   #21
Frankie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johndoescat View Post
I'm new, keep that in mind. I can't stand sharing either, when I go to meetings I get there late and leave early, I try to only go to speaker meetings, it may be selfish but I go because it keeps me from going to a bar. I don't talk and if I get called out I go to a different meeting next time, I also don't raise my hand when they ask who's new. I may catch hell for this but its the only way I can do it, and I do it because it gives me something to do when I want a drink, until they start serving at a meeting I'm safe there, after its over I don't want one anymore, and I've put another sober day in the can, just a newly sober guys 2 cents, for what its worth.
Thanks for sharing that John. Everything is (was) about the same for me except I was told by my sponsor to raise my hand if under 30 days, and I did so. I also hung out after the meetings as I was told to, but almost everything else was the same as you. I would go out of town to larger meetings to not get called upon. It's a pitty you can't just go to meetings and listen, and learn without the fear of being called apon. If aa could fix that, a lot more folks would go. A LOT MORE! Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 08-09-2009, 05:13 PM   #22
Frankie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarlyO View Post
Hi Frankie,

Just checking on you - hope all is going well. Carly
Thanks for checking Carly.

Got drunk with my neighbor last fri. night. Still hung over from 9 beers, and it's sunday. Can't seem to get the energy up to go to speaker meetings. They have them here fri., sat, and sun. Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 08-09-2009, 05:23 PM   #23
Frankie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magda View Post
Hi- There are so many ways to stay sober.12 step meetings are just one way out of many.There have been amazing advances in the medical research of alcoholism.Many great medications have been developed that could put drinking at bay for good for you.Since you are not a fan of 12 step sobriety, why not look into it? I love discussing alternative means for people to stay sober because I have never been a big 12 step supporter myself.I do respect the format, just like to consider alternatives!
Hi Magda,

What kind of meds are you talking about? I think the v.a. offers some, but last time I checked, you have to go to their aa meetings to get them, and it's way too far to drive. Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 08-09-2009, 05:32 PM   #24
Frankie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thanksbarbara View Post
I really do not get AA, all I ever get for advice is go to AA,
I cannot understand how AA is the only solution to my miserable life.
Hi Barbra,

I know the feeling. Maybe keep checking back to the forum. Thats about all i'm doing.

Frank
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Unread 08-09-2009, 06:50 PM   #25
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Default HI Frankie

Hi Frankie,

Ok, you drank, it happens, you are doing what feels natural to you. Most of us had many false starts, the desire is there ( based on what I have read from you) but we have yet to find a plan that works. Keep trying, it takes what it takes. I am just glad you are safe and here sharing, asking questions etc...

Medication assisted therapy is explained in the link below, let me know if it is not working, the info can also be found on this site - right hand side of page under : For the alcohol dependent. Education is so important, so keep reading.

Medications could include Vivitrol, Campral to name a few. Your physcician would need to assess you to see if it is something that may help you.

JaneDoe, a member here has had success with Vivitrol, and I am eager to hear about our new member JohnDoe'sCat, experience with Campral. He mentioned it is helping him these past few days so I asked him if he could explain more about the pros and cons for him. JaneDoe has quite a story,maybe check her posts out, and last time she posted she is still doing well with Vivitrol.

I know cost can be an issue with some of these meds, but there are programs , sponsored by the pharma companies to help defray with cost.

Again, medication assisted therapy, can be an effective tool, however there is not a "magic pill" , some use MAT in conjunction with counseling or other form of support. and what may work for one person, may not another. But , IMO - it is worth researching further.

I am very curious to know about the VA mandating that you must attend their AA meetings?
Do you think they may be referring to group therapy ? For example, Sometimes when medications such as these, are rxed, professionals encourage you to meet once a week just to ensure compliance and offer assitance. Or is could be a requirement from the insurance companies, medicare, medicaid etc...

Keep us posted and again, glad you are here sharing, we are here for you !
Take care, Carly : )

Medication assisted treatment :

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm
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Unread 08-09-2009, 08:36 PM   #26
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At an A.A. closed meeting all you have to do is say your name & you have a desire not to drink today. Thats is all. If you don't want to share say your name & I want to pass. Keep it simple.
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Unread 08-10-2009, 01:12 PM   #27
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Frankie,

Here is the link to some options that are available in treatment medications:
http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm

Again, medication is merely a tool of recovery. The process is long with many twists and turns and requires a great deal of effort, but recovery can and does happen.The more open you are to the process, the easier it will become in time.Nobody who has been sober for longer periods of time will tell you it was easy- but breaking down the walls your addiction has put around you is a start. Coming here took a great deal of courage and shows that you want to change.Now, just keep moving forward and if you slip up- just get back to business immediately and figure out what triggered any problems so you know how to handle them the next time they arise!
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Unread 08-10-2009, 03:20 PM   #28
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Frank,
Don't let the god issue throw you. The concept of a higher power is not just about "god" or religion.
The best definition of higher power I have heard is that it's purpose is to remind you of your commitment. So you must always bring it back to your commitment. And your struggle around that commitment. We all struggle when we make commitments to change things in our lives. What are the reminders we encounter as we tack our way to our goal. It's never a straight line. What reminds us to stay the course when we encounter a step in the commitment that is painful or inconvenient? Is the the step we struggle with or our commitment?
Take your time, keep a humble and receptive attitude. Don't beat yourself up if you slip, but be honest with yourself if you do.

All the best,
Jerry
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Unread 08-12-2009, 05:36 PM   #29
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Hi Frankie,

Ok, you drank, it happens, you are doing what feels natural to you. Most of us had many false starts, the desire is there ( based on what I have read from you) but we have yet to find a plan that works. Keep trying, it takes what it takes. I am just glad you are safe and here sharing, asking questions etc...

Medication assisted therapy is explained in the link below, let me know if it is not working, the info can also be found on this site - right hand side of page under : For the alcohol dependent. Education is so important, so keep reading.

Medications could include Vivitrol, Campral to name a few. Your physcician would need to assess you to see if it is something that may help you.

JaneDoe, a member here has had success with Vivitrol, and I am eager to hear about our new member JohnDoe'sCat, experience with Campral. He mentioned it is helping him these past few days so I asked him if he could explain more about the pros and cons for him. JaneDoe has quite a story,maybe check her posts out, and last time she posted she is still doing well with Vivitrol.

I know cost can be an issue with some of these meds, but there are programs , sponsored by the pharma companies to help defray with cost.

Again, medication assisted therapy, can be an effective tool, however there is not a "magic pill" , some use MAT in conjunction with counseling or other form of support. and what may work for one person, may not another. But , IMO - it is worth researching further.

I am very curious to know about the VA mandating that you must attend their AA meetings?
Do you think they may be referring to group therapy ? For example, Sometimes when medications such as these, are rxed, professionals encourage you to meet once a week just to ensure compliance and offer assitance. Or is could be a requirement from the insurance companies, medicare, medicaid etc...

Keep us posted and again, glad you are here sharing, we are here for you !
Take care, Carly : )

Medication assisted treatment :

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm
Thanks Carly,

I was told about the aa thing from the va several years ago. Same with the anti smoking pills, you have to go to their meetings. I don't need pills as much as I need to go to speaker meetings.

Frank
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Unread 08-12-2009, 09:07 PM   #30
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Frank, I think it is great that you are seeking out speaker meetings. It takes what it takes. Good luck in a sober life. R. Lee
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Unread 08-13-2009, 12:32 PM   #31
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It is good that you are thinking about activities that may help you abstain from drinking, but I do want you to realize that the methods you have used thus far have not produced long term sobriety for you.Trying new things is often scary, we tend to find comfort in familiarity. Nobody ever said recovery was going to be easy, but the payout from it is so great.
If you take an honest look deep within yourself- and you feel that attending some AA speaker formatted meetings is enough for you, then by all means continue. If not, take the next leap forward and consider some alternatives.They may surprise you!
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Unread 08-14-2009, 04:53 PM   #32
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Frank,

So much of recovery involves engaging and contributing to a healthy community that supports your sobriety, and even greater your over all well being. AA is just one way, albeit an important one, but there can be many ways. However you choose you to express your recovery.
I'm just saying,
Jerry
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Unread 08-15-2009, 05:51 PM   #33
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HI Frankie,

It has been a few days, just checking on you. Is all going well ?
Please know it is ok if you drank, no one judges here, we just want to support you, help you figure out a plan that works for you.
I cannot even count how many "tries" it took for me to find a path. The important thing is don't give up trying!

If all is going well, then I am happy for you !
Did you talk to anyone at the VA about the medications? I only answered your questions about AA because you asked, but AA is not the only way - esp. if you are not comfortable with it .
There are many options out there these days. As I posted above, ex. SMART Recovery, Rational Recovery, Counseling, I would hope the doctors at the VA would be satisfied that you are involved in a support group/counseling period. Even this forum is a form a of peer support !
It is the end result that matters- your continued recovery!

Hope you are having a good weekend, keep us posted when you can.
Take care, Carly : )
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Unread 08-16-2009, 01:15 PM   #34
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Hello Frankie,

I just had a quick thought on something that helped me out alot in the beginning and still helps me.
When I first decided to stop drinking I went out and bought every book available on alcoholic recovery. Alot of them are AA based but not all. And I read and read. Not only did this give me something to do when I would usually drink but I was educating myself at the same time. The Big Book is hard to understand at first but there are great stories of recovery in the back.
I wish you luck. I hope this helps.

Laura
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Unread 08-17-2009, 12:02 AM   #35
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Thanks to all for the advice etc., and for just taking the time to reply. Am still drinking, and nothing is going to change until I do something about it. I just hate the thought of going back to meetings, and the god talk etc. Life's tuff for us poor lazy babies. Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 08-17-2009, 12:31 AM   #36
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Hi Frank,
Thanks for checking in. Please remember that there are many options for recovery, the links are all over this forum and on your thread.
Just curious, Does the VA only encourage AA ? Is AA what you want or is it being mandated by the VA ?

I ask beacuse maybe counseling with someone more knowledgable about recovery options would be more helpful ? They could help you figure out a plan that will work for you. This is not a one size fits all deal, and it would be a shame to not try something that may work.
When you ready - Don't let the God issue be a deal breaker, in any path you choose, even in AA there are agnostics, atheists etc.... they work around it.

I doubt you are lazy, I wish you could go to a proper detox, it is amazing how differently we feel when the mind clears, ideally you could find something that works for you and get you excited about recovery.
We will be here for you, again, thanks for checking in, please don't give up on yourself, OK? Be safe, Carly : )

link to treatment options....
http://www.alcoholanswers.org/resour...port-links.cfm
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Unread 08-17-2009, 01:46 PM   #37
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Quote:
Am still drinking, and nothing is going to change until I do something about it. I just hate the thought of going back to meetings, and the god talk etc. Life's tuff for us poor lazy babies.
You are wrong Frankie, many things are going to change:
Your brain, you pancreas,your liver, your immune system, your kidneys, your heart, etc will continue to deteriorate the longer you drink! Your relationships will friends and family will continue to suffer, your dreams,goals, ambitions will continue to fade away.
Many things are changing, just not the right ones.You have expressed a number of reasons you do not get much out of AA, and that is fine.I am a firm believer that if you truly want sobriety, you will find it- it does not have to be in a 12 step program. Your issues with people and God are obstacles for you and one day you will have to face them whether you go to AA or not. I learned that my recovery depended on my facing feelings much like yours, I felt let down by people and by God, and over time it became clear to me that I did not do much of anything to improve my relationships with either one, I just complained about them ALLOT!
Nobody is going to convince you to stop drinking except YOU.Yes, it is much easier to be lazy and let life pass by while you crawl into your hole of loneliness, but you have showed a desire for wanting more just by being here.I hope that in time you realize your value in the world, that you are worth the fight, that all things worth having in life require effort, and that you love yourself enough to keep trying.
We are always here to help you find your way to recovery, all you have to do is ask.
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Unread 08-22-2009, 10:14 PM   #38
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Thanks Carly & Magda for the advice. As far as the va mandating aa, no thats not the case at all. They have a program that is aa based. Thats all.

As far as a detox; wouldn't not drinking for 3 mo. or so detox a person? A while back I got tired of my wife bitching me out for drinking, so I stoped for more than 3 mo. with no program.

Wanted to ask if anyone knows about passages malibu.com? They advertize a book on a radio talk show that I listen to, and i'm wondering if the book is only a come on for their expensive program?

Hope everyone is doing fine, or close to it,

Frank
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Unread 08-23-2009, 09:23 PM   #39
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Hi Frank,
Detox means Safely withdrawing from alcohol ideally under medical supervision. We do discuss this a lot on the forum because of the potential dangers of alcohol withdrawals. It is a matter of educating people who are not only posting but the people who read this forum, not yet ready post for whatever reason. It can be so dangerous and even fatal.

You mentioned you stopped for 3 months, that is great, but you started back, yes?
What were you doing thoughout those 3 months that made it possible to stop, were you happy ? There are people who can stop and stay stopped and never look back. I have known a few.

As far as Passages, all I know is that I do not think they adhere to alcoholism as a disease concept, I am sure you can Google it or buy their books, whatever you think may work is certainly worth a try.

Magda posted some valid points about the health issues that result from drinking and the effects it has on relationships.
I truly hope you find what works for you and in the meantime stay safe.
Please keep us posted and take care , Carly
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Unread 08-24-2009, 12:43 AM   #40
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Hi Frank,
Detox means Safely withdrawing from alcohol ideally under medical supervision. We do discuss this a lot on the forum because of the potential dangers of alcohol withdrawals. It is a matter of educating people who are not only posting but the people who read this forum, not yet ready post for whatever reason. It can be so dangerous and even fatal.

You mentioned you stopped for 3 months, that is great, but you started back, yes?
What were you doing thoughout those 3 months that made it possible to stop, were you happy ? There are people who can stop and stay stopped and never look back. I have known a few.

As far as Passages, all I know is that I do not think they adhere to alcoholism as a disease concept, I am sure you can Google it or buy their books, whatever you think may work is certainly worth a try.

Magda posted some valid points about the health issues that result from drinking and the effects it has on relationships.
I truly hope you find what works for you and in the meantime stay safe.
Please keep us posted and take care , Carly
Thanks for checking in on me Carly,

As far as stoping for 3 mo., it was easier than hearing my wife bitch at me. I guess you could say that I was happier then. When I started back, I hurled after 5 beers. Ha! That should have told me something, and it did. I never forgot it.

As far as detoxing, other folks can't go by me. I count the number of beers I drink, and I know that if I drink over my limit, I will pay extra the next several days. Funny how hangovers just hang on much longer when you get older. If things were ok, I wouldn't be on this forum. Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 08-24-2009, 11:13 AM   #41
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Hi Frank,

When you said the hangovers are getting to you - that is the progression of this disease, probably why your wife is worried about your liver, your general health.
I hate to be one to repeat the same things over and over, You have been exposed to various types of recovery, you seem to know a lot, so I will leave it at that.

I truly wish I knew what the answer was for you, we can give you info, listen, support you, maybe that is all you need or want for now?
Please let us know how we can help you and we will do our best to do so. We do genuninely care, I hope you know this : ) Be well Frank, thanks for keeping us posted, Carly
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Unread 08-24-2009, 07:03 PM   #42
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Stopping your drinking at home and on your own could produce some dangerous issues.The main one being seizures.Medical detox and treatment provide a entire new world of possibilities for you, your wife, and your family.The medications that are available today to treat alcohol issues are beating the odds for many people, you most certainly could be one of them.It is obvious the drink is taking it's toll on you physically.Emotionally, you could be experiencing things that cause you to continue to drink and not even realize it.When you stop drinking for brief periods, you are possibly experiencing the dry drunk.Have you heard the term? It relates to physically stopping the action of drinking, but doing nothing else to help break the stagnant mental cycle that accompanies alcoholism.
Indecisiveness is part of the disease.Picking apart every aspect of getting sober is something that leads you nowhere. Just do it.There is no better time than now, no better reason than just because.You can procrastinate forever, but something will constantly be the monkey on your back. You know what must be done, let yourself live again.Learn to have faith in yourself.
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Unread 08-25-2009, 01:02 PM   #43
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Beautiful Magda.

If I may...
Recovery is reestablishing faith in one's presence (self).
Seeing what is in front of you, seeing it as yours, and seeing it as within your capacity to address. Addiction masks pain that seeks to be expressed and eventually resolved (healed). What seems painful at the outset leads to a lighter load as you progress. Take your time but be gentle and consistent in seeking a way to recovery.

All the best.
Jerry
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Unread 08-28-2009, 07:08 PM   #44
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Hi Frank,

When you said the hangovers are getting to you - that is the progression of this disease, probably why your wife is worried about your liver, your general health.
I hate to be one to repeat the same things over and over, You have been exposed to various types of recovery, you seem to know a lot, so I will leave it at that.

I truly wish I knew what the answer was for you, we can give you info, listen, support you, maybe that is all you need or want for now?
Please let us know how we can help you and we will do our best to do so. We do genuninely care, I hope you know this : ) Be well Frank, thanks for keeping us posted, Carly
Thanks for the kind words Carly, and for not preaching. I still know some aa's (don't talk to them much anymore) who didn't preach, and they are the very folks that never went back out. On the other hand, the people who who were quick to give their brand of advice complete with buzz words they learned in meetings were sometimes not so lucky. Thanks,

Frank
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Unread 08-28-2009, 07:15 PM   #45
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Beautiful Magda.

If I may...
Recovery is reestablishing faith in one's presence (self).
Seeing what is in front of you, seeing it as yours, and seeing it as within your capacity to address. Addiction masks pain that seeks to be expressed and eventually resolved (healed). What seems painful at the outset leads to a lighter load as you progress. Take your time but be gentle and consistent in seeking a way to recovery.

All the best.
Jerry
Jerry,

Thanks also for the kind words and gentle (non preaching) good advice as Carly did.

Frank
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Unread 08-28-2009, 07:43 PM   #46
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Quote:
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Stopping your drinking at home and on your own could produce some dangerous issues.The main one being seizures.Medical detox and treatment provide a entire new world of possibilities for you, your wife, and your family.The medications that are available today to treat alcohol issues are beating the odds for many people, you most certainly could be one of them.It is obvious the drink is taking it's toll on you physically.Emotionally, you could be experiencing things that cause you to continue to drink and not even realize it.When you stop drinking for brief periods, you are possibly experiencing the dry drunk.Have you heard the term? It relates to physically stopping the action of drinking, but doing nothing else to help break the stagnant mental cycle that accompanies alcoholism.
Indecisiveness is part of the disease.Picking apart every aspect of getting sober is something that leads you nowhere. Just do it.There is no better time than now, no better reason than just because.You can procrastinate forever, but something will constantly be the monkey on your back. You know what must be done, let yourself live again.Learn to have faith in yourself.
Hi Magda,

I didn't know that I was picking apart every aspect of getting sober. You must be one of those experts I used to see in the meetings years ago. Thanks for setting me straight on that, as all experts should. I didn't even know that I have seizures after drinking 8 beers once per wk., but you straightened me out on that too. Thanks again,

Frank
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Unread 08-30-2009, 11:57 AM   #47
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HI Frank,

Just checking in with you. I hope all is going well with you.

I know we talk about alcohol withdrawals a lot because it can be dangerous. There are many who just come here to read and learn.

I can only speak for myself , but I honestly do not think anyone intended to preach to you or come off in any negative way.
The one downside of internet forums is that you do not have the benefit of speaking to another face to face.

If I am wrong on this - correct me, - from your posts, you have been around recovery for years, you know what to do , where to get help, you are practicing controlled drinking for the moment , but even drinking once a week, at times has resulted in unhealthy physical side effects.
Right now you just want a place to vent ?? It helps us when we know what you need or even want from the forum.

Frank, please remember we have a responsibility to get the facts out there, especially when it pertains to one's health and safety. Yes, we are here to share and listen, but also to educate, it is not meant to be preaching at all.
I hope you will post an update, when you have time. Your journey is just as important as anyone else's, it helps everyone, I hope you will allow us to be a part of it.

Take care, Carly : )
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Unread 09-01-2009, 03:13 PM   #48
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Hello , Frank ? You out there ? Just checking in with you, hope you are ok.
Carly : )
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Unread 09-04-2009, 12:20 AM   #49
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HI Frank,

Just checking in with you. I hope all is going well with you.

I know we talk about alcohol withdrawals a lot because it can be dangerous. There are many who just come here to read and learn.

I can only speak for myself , but I honestly do not think anyone intended to preach to you or come off in any negative way.
The one downside of internet forums is that you do not have the benefit of speaking to another face to face.

If I am wrong on this - correct me, - from your posts, you have been around recovery for years, you know what to do , where to get help, you are practicing controlled drinking for the moment , but even drinking once a week, at times has resulted in unhealthy physical side effects.
Right now you just want a place to vent ?? It helps us when we know what you need or even want from the forum.

Frank, please remember we have a responsibility to get the facts out there, especially when it pertains to one's health and safety. Yes, we are here to share and listen, but also to educate, it is not meant to be preaching at all.
I hope you will post an update, when you have time. Your journey is just as important as anyone else's, it helps everyone, I hope you will allow us to be a part of it.

Take care, Carly : )
Hi Carly,

The only negative jab I got was being told that I bashed ALL forms of getting sober, which I didn't.

As far as what I want from this forum is I don't know. Just hanging out. If I didn't have a problem with alcohol I wouldn't be here. Just waiting for something to click.

The "alcohol effects on the body" in "alcohol answers" is quite an eye opener. Very nice link. Thanks to whoever put it up. Thanks for checking in on me Carly,

Frank
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Unread 09-04-2009, 10:02 PM   #50
CarlyO
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Hi Frank,

Glad you posted, I understand what you are saying and maybe something will click. It takes what it takes sometimes. If there is anything you need - please let us know.

I hope you have a great Holiday weekend, take care, Carly : )
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