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Unread 09-05-2016, 10:16 AM   #1
This Time Imperfect
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Question Checking in...

Hello everyone,

I have missed this place dearly and while I cannot go over every single detail of my life that has lead to this thread, I will do my best. Alright so here's kind of the situation I'm feeling right now and am extremely confused. First a brief history, I was first put on bupe in 2008 and seemed like not too long ago I quit in end of 2015 as I was put in hospital and needed pain meds. When I got out I was put on oxy and fent, I know extreme right? So I just picked up my meds after being released from hospital and was out maybe 6 days later? I was on 30mg oxy and I don't quite remember fent dosage. That scared me into thinking I needed to either get back on the bupe or quit altogether. Not sure if true but I had read it was easier to quit the other drugs over bupe so I did it, not very easily at all. Mind you I was in constant contact with the bupe clinic and spoke with doc regularly while doing this, they seemed to support my choice. Here I am about a year later and I'll admit I have taken some pills for pain but in no way do I consider it to be addiction as I can and do live without them for weeks and weeks at a time as I get only a very small supply, I still don't trust myself but who would?

As of about two months ago I started to seriously consider what was I doing, I mean while I could manage the few pills I did take when absolutely necessary, I was honest enough with myself to know that I thought about the pills when I didn't need them.

I never, I repeat never took them in such situation and I can't expect anyone to believe this as I probably wouldn't but I did know well enough I better find some help somewhere and here I am. The interesting conundrum I have is wondering...did I quit bupe too soon despite being on it for so long, it really helped my pain. The conundrum lies in I'm technically not in active addiction enough to be inducted on bupe and am unsure if it's even ethical for anyone to suggest I purposely become an addict again to get back on bupe. So my question for anyone who can offer any kind of advice as I would deeply appreciate it, is well what should I do from here? If you read all this, I deeply from the bottom of my heart thank you and it is very nice to be back. I'm only sorry it has to be under such conditions.

A brief note about meds I take: .5mg Ativan for seizures/anxiety, lamotrigine for seizures, 10mg loratadine for allergies, and 40mg Celexa for depression. Daily doses.

We live our lives to expect the worst but once it happens what is left
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Unread 09-05-2016, 11:00 AM   #2
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Hi Chris,

Please take my comments with a grain of salt because I'm not a professional, I'm an addict.

My personal opinion would be to drop them all together unless absolutely needed to control pain, for me any new pills or subs would continue the cycle of addiction. Just remember the pain of withdraw everytime you get the urge to take a pill, for me that's enough to run the other way.

I'm so sorry your having issues, I'd gladly take your pain and add it to mine if I could being I've realized I just can't continue with that lifestyle. I raced motorcycles most my life and have had more broken bones and extended hospital stays than I can count. My point is; I live in pain. These days I use the pain as motivation because pain is better than being numb to life. I wasted so many years in a fog, it makes my sad for my children.

Much love brother,

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Unread 09-06-2016, 07:58 AM   #3
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Hi Chris, welcome back. Really be proud of yourself for not taking the pills when you thought about them in a non-pain way. That is fabulous progress.

I agree with what Alex has said. Does anything over the counter help for you pain when it flares up - like Aleve or something like that or a combination? Have you talked with your doctors about finding some non-opiate alternative? There are some anti-depressants that also help with pain. Do you think the Celexa you're taking helps at all -for some it does.

Here's a link I found with some alternatives:

Please let us know if this helps. And sorry for all the questions.

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