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Unread 03-26-2015, 10:35 PM   #1
Helen23
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Hi. I'm Helen and I'm a mom of 6 kids, many of whom were adopted and have special needs and issues due to their previous lives in orphan care. Anyway, I love my family and feel very blessed by it, but I have been turning to a glass or 2 or 3 of wine every night to deal with the enormous stress. I find myself going to bed drunk almost every night. I look forward to my wine way more than I should. And as often as I try to stop, I just don't. It's affecting how I feel in the mornings and how I function in my daily life. I'm not sure how to stop. I threw out all my wine this morning, but I have done this before only to replenish my supply when I convince myself I was overreacting. Anyway, I'm not sure what I am asking but wanted to reach out and share where I am in this right now. Many thanks
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Unread 03-27-2015, 06:20 AM   #2
Tryntryagain
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Good morning Helen. Bright blessings to you.

Welcome, welcome to this family/forum! Thank you for sharing with us and personally i feel for the pressures and anxietys that must be a daily challenge to you. I am a recovering alcoholic who used alcohol to deal with my stresses and strains of my world. It just got worse and worse and worse. Eventually "the wheels came off" and i realised that i had a very serious problem with alcohol.

I thought i could sort it out myself, i just couldn't and i felt so very alone with it all and of course it just made me drink even more. And so after many interventions including residential rehabs, i still just couldnt get it. In desperation i did what you have courageously done, i looked for a place where i could reach out.

And here i am!

I have been a part of this family for over 2 years now and for me it is a place where i can share my problems and my thoughts, i can read other peoples journeys and challenges. No one judges me if i am achieving or if i am struggling....and after so very many years feeling totally alone, at last in my life i have the love and support of so many incredible, experienced, talented and loving people from around the world, (i live in dear old Blighty) so it means that never, ever, ever again do you need to feel alone with your challenges.

When you said you weren't quite sure what you were asking.......there is no need to have specific questions, just recognising that alcohol is become a serious hinderance to you and some support and understanding would be a great help.

You have come to the right place!

Welcome once again Helen and i look forward to hearing more about you and supporting you on your way.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Helen.
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Unread 03-27-2015, 09:28 AM   #3
gmasusie
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Helen,

Just recognizing that the alcohol is beginning to interfere with your life is reason enough to be here. That is the first step to taking some kind of action. The action of throwing out the alcohol is, I believe, symbolic of your desire to be rid of the burden. Keep reading and sharing here. This is where I finally found the strength to give it up for good. I have been sober for over 6 months now, thanks to this motley crew!

Welcome. Everyone here has a story and a mantra. One or more may touch you where you need to be touched. Mine is that I wanted to be present for my grandchildren. I was thinking about the wine more than my wish to be supportive of them. When I forgot a promise I made to my granddaughter one night while drinking, I realized it was time to stop. These folks gave me strength.

Stick around!

Susie
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Unread 03-27-2015, 10:36 AM   #4
DianeC
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Susie, your words regarding knowing when alcohol is interfering with our lives... hit home with me. I completely ended drinking alcohol Febbruary 23, so I guess that makes it 32 days for me. With the exception of a couple of temptations when I was out dining with friends, I haven't felt that I gave up much. It is amazing to me that when I finally decided that I didn't want alcohol at all in my life, I was able to give it up completely. For me, it was a matter of coming to the conclusion that I didn't want it anymore... I had been using it for social reasons or for relaxation. I had known for some time that I didn't stop at one drink, so not drinking at all was a good decision. Coming here and sharing with all of you has made it much easier for me to turn alcohol away than if I had done it on my own. So again, I thank each of you for your support and kindness.

Last edited by DianeC; 03-27-2015 at 10:44 AM..
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Unread 03-27-2015, 11:22 AM   #5
R. Lee
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Helen23, Welcome to the site. Plenty of wonderful recovering people here.

I work a simple program of staying in today. I am not worried about staying sober the rest of my life even though I never want to drink again. I wake in the morning make a pledge not to drink today. I then work on that the rest of the day. I encourage you to do as you have already done that is get the alcohol out of the house. Then if you get the urge to drink think that 1st drink through. You have a buffer by not having alcohol at home. You have to get some & that gives you more time to think through that 1st drink

My best to you. Keep coming back to let us know how you are doing.
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Unread 03-27-2015, 11:41 AM   #6
DianeC
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Welcome, Helen. You've come to the right place for nonjudgmental support. My best offering I can give is to take it one day at a time...
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Unread 03-27-2015, 12:07 PM   #7
lostdog
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Hi Helen, welcome. This site will keep you sober. Best wishes to you and holler if you need advice or help.
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Unread 03-27-2015, 03:42 PM   #8
jenm
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Hi Helen, welcome! There is a reason that you came here and posted.

I completely "got" what you were saying. I would throw it away, get it back out, hide it, run from it, run to it, run in circles, and on and on. Trust me, I've been there!

I have got to stay in today. Tomorrow is too much, and it is also not guaranteed. I am very glad you are here, and please share more when you can. Take care! Jenm
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Unread 03-27-2015, 05:30 PM   #9
Saint
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Hi Helen,

I drank for most of my adult life. I managed to hold down a decent job, worked hard, but lived a lie. I hid my drinking from most people but I drank every day save for a few blips in time when I tried stopping. There was always tomorrow. Well that 'tomorrow' did not finally arrive until I was in my late 40's. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired And found my way here after hearing a radio advertisement for Addiction Survivors.

Remember you are not an anomaly. We have been where you are and understand what you are feeling. Be kind to yourself and know you are not a weak. Addiction is a disease, not a character flaw. Take responsibility for yourself and take a chance on yourself. You'll be glad you did!!

Welcome,
Saint
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Unread 03-29-2015, 08:30 AM   #10
Helen23
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Well I drank again last night. And now I feel horrible. It feels so hopeless. I feel like I am going crazy as on part of me wants to stop and another part of me wants to drink. I am Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde. It is horrible to feel as if I cannot trust myself.
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Unread 03-29-2015, 09:06 AM   #11
Alexis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen23 View Post
Well I drank again last night. And now I feel horrible. It feels so hopeless. I feel like I am going crazy as on part of me wants to stop and another part of me wants to drink. I am Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde. It is horrible to feel as if I cannot trust myself.
i understand this, i dont even know if i want to stop. I suppose the saying that it is an old friend. I argue with myself that drinking is even a problem, im over reacting and its fine.

I hope you feel better, drink lots of water and eat good food. Dont punish yourself.

Thinking of you x
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Unread 03-29-2015, 09:07 AM   #12
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon Helen. Bright blessings to you.

Helen...listen to me.......you are NOT jeckle and hyde, you struggle with alcohol. For some folk, like us, alcohol can ruin our lives. We are alcoholics and there are times on our journeys when we simply "can not help oursleves". For you to come here the day after and share your feelings is brave, honest and it means to us all that you want to fight back against this.

Please, please, please do NOT beat yourself up over this.....it has gone. Time to move on Helen. It is ok. You have done nothing that all of us, including me 6 weeks ago unfortunately go through. You have done nothing wrong, you have merely done something you didnt want to do. We ALL understand. ALL of us are here for you now.

Yes, you can trust yourself. What you may mean is you can't trust yourself with alcohol. Neither can i.

The "shall i...shan't i.....can i......can't i....." is the very nature of addiction. We are addicted to alcohol. It makes us feel "awful"...in the end....at best, when i came here whilst still drinking and i "didn't ask"....i begged....."why?, why? why? why do i do this?"......R Lee simply said, "because you are an alcoholic". Never truer words said.

It really is going to be ok Helen. How about this afternoon you give yourself some kindness and compassion? A nice hot bath?...something to eat...a little? A few glasses of water or some nice juice....an utterly terrible film that is good because it is so breathakingly dreadful, a damn good cry.....and then off we all go again?

Sometimes, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day is the way forward.

It is ok Helen....breathe......you can do this.

Be gentle, be kind and be calm today. Hugs, strength and loveness to you Helen.
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Unread 03-29-2015, 10:44 AM   #13
R. Lee
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Helen, Most of us that have some sobriety have quit drinking only to drink again.

When I was drinking I was a Dr. Jeckle & Mr Hyde. No one knew who was going to show up.

To stop drinking you have to want it more than anything else, unless you are there your chance as less than average. That being said doing the same thing over & over & getting the same results is Einstein's theory on insanity.
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Unread 03-29-2015, 12:14 PM   #14
Saint
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Helen,

As Rlee mentioned most who have long lengths of sober time have gone through periods of returning to drink. Some very few can just walk away from alcohol never to return. For myself I had a period of 6 months sober then drank for another year and a half. I'll be 6 years sober this summer. I plan on being sober when that day comes but can't count on it. I will always be an alcoholic and I need to stay vigilant. Others have been sober 10 years, 20 years or longer. Don't wish your life away. Work towards sobriety, as Rlee mentioned make it the most important goal of your life. When we make it the most important goal we keep it forefront in our minds and we will actively seek ways to stay sober. We will read about other alcoholics, research it, and seek out support from others that have been there. You are not alone. Your emotions you experience today we have all experienced. You are not crazy, you are an alcoholic like us. You can feel bad about yourself or you can do as you have. You have sought support and here we are!! People, places and things can be triggers to drink. I would swear off alcohol in the morning only to crave it again in the evening. Every day. Over. And. Over. Again.

You only have to stay sober today. Keep working it and keep posting here.

Regards,
Saint
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Unread 03-29-2015, 12:34 PM   #15
Saint
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Alexis,

Only you can decide if you have a problem with alcohol.

The fact you are here is an indicator you may have a problem. If you can't stop drinking alcohol when you want that also is an indicator. Drinking was the most important thing in my life. All my daily activities were planned around it. I was never without a supply of alcohol on hand and always planned my next purchase.

If you want to stop drinking you need to be committed to sobriety. There can be no doubt in your mind that you need to stop. There is life after alcohol and I am fond of saying my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk.

Peace,
Saint
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Unread 03-29-2015, 01:31 PM   #16
jenm
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Alexis and Helen -

My heart is heavy for you as I know where you are at. Do I have a problem? Do I not? And the mindset of "I am NOT drinking today!" only finding yourself justifying doing that exact thing the very same day. We have been there. We really have!

The guilt, shame, remorse, self-hatred, the list goes on. I promise you that I will never condemn or judge you, I do not have that right.

There is a way out. There really is. When your desire to get sober is there, the actions CAN follow. Just for today, you do not have to take a drink. Or just for this hour. We are here for you. Take care! Jenm
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Unread 03-30-2015, 12:23 AM   #17
gmasusie
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We-re all standing beside Jenm, ready to listen and support. Just keep talking.
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Unread 03-30-2015, 02:16 AM   #18
Perkinstein
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i once become an alcoholic. everyday of my life i drink. after my work im sitting in front of my TV and watching while drinking and even my off days i keep drinking and drinking until I got the sweats and shakes if I couldn't get my drink it almost affect my work and everything i felt miserableness. i told to my self that i don't want this anymore and i become desperate to get rid of my addiction. i admit my self to a Alcohol Addiction recovery rehab and got fully recovered and back on the right track again. i promise to my self to be a sober for life. I'm so thankful to those people who helped me.
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