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Unread 01-10-2006, 08:25 AM   #1
Jaywalker
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Default I'm Back -- Induction Experience

Hello everyone!!

Yes I'm home as of last night. The whole hospital/induction experience was very eye-opening.

I checked in last Monday (as per my last post) and was in withdrawal when I got there. The doctor immediately gave me 4 mg of Suboxone, followed by 2 mg every 4 hours for about 2-1/2 days. WD was tolerable, but still not pleasant. Starting on Friday I was given 24 mg every morning along with my normal muscle relaxant medications (which I wasn't sure they would give me, but apparently they are OK to use). As of yesterday (Monday, 1-9) I felt very good (better than I have for some time) and was discharged home yesterday afternoon with a maintenance dose of 24 mg every morning.

I was initially very worried and concerned about my pain threshold, and I do have a little more pain than I did with the morphine, but it is really not that bad, and I'm able to handle it without to much distress. The Suboxone does help. I have a follow-up appointment with the pain clinic at Dartmouth-Hitchcock (great hospital) and follow-ups with a new psychiatrist/prescriber on a weekly basis to follow not only my Suboxone, but also to follow my post-traumatic stress disorder and pain issues.

I am amazed at how well this went and am just overwhelmed with gratitude about finding this treatment. I actually feel better (even depression wise) than I have for ages.

Also...many thanks to all of you here who have given me so much hope and support throughout this process. I don't think I could've done it without being able to have followed your progress and notes on this site, and surely not without all the background information here that gave me the ability to talk with the medical staff with some degree of knowledge. THANK YOU....

It was a long week....but maybe the best week I have spent in some time. I can't say enough about this medication/program and what it has already done for me ...and I have just started.

Again....Many thanks to all of you here.
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Unread 01-10-2006, 09:24 AM   #2
Robyn
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Jaywalker,
Nice to hear from you on the the "other side."
Amazing, isn't it?
Yes, it does get better........
There are concerns and issues while taking Sub....
But nothing that doesn't make it worthwhile...
Keep us posted on your progress...
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Unread 01-10-2006, 11:25 AM   #3
purple
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Hi Jaywalker
Welcome back,so glad things are going good for you,you had so much concern and worrie[with good reason]in your posts before you went in to the hosp.
You J have helped some of us here to
Your courage is a inspiration
Thank you
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Unread 01-10-2006, 11:57 AM   #4
dodo
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Hi Jaywalker! So happy for you that everything worked out! Remember it only gets better from here.
Doris
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Unread 01-10-2006, 12:05 PM   #5
Mary
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Jay, I'm so glad it worked out for you! Hopefully they can work with something else to help with your remaining pain. Sounds like you've got a good plan in place with pain clinic and the psychiatrist too! I'm so happy for you. -Mary
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Unread 01-10-2006, 01:15 PM   #6
Phoenix
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Oh Welcome Back Jay!!!
I'm so glad the induction went well and the w/d wasn't horrendous. Well, one more success story! I'm so glad and I hope you can manage your pain successfully. I imagine your addiction stemmed from pain (whether mental or physical) and not just the sheer enjoyment of being high, although, I have been wrong before.

In any case, congratulations and all of my best wishes and positive thoughts going out to you.
Judy
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Unread 01-10-2006, 01:40 PM   #7
Jaywalker
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Hi Judy, (et al)...

Thanks for the wecome back...It is now about 10:30 in the morning and I feel great. The pain is manageable, and my mood is great, and I'm just amazed....

I had been on morphine since 1993 when I was wounded in action in Somalia. I had reached the point where I just figured I would be taking it for the rest of my life, and needed more every year or so the more tolerant and dependent I became. There were times off and on (more "on" the last year) when I would take a couple more than prescribed to get over that threshold I had, and I knew that it was getting to be more of a problem than a curative. That's when my doctor suggested buprenorphine...and that's when I started researching and found this site. Something just felt right about it after I read all the posts and began to get feedback from all you wonderful and couragous people.

I feel as though I have some control back, as well as my self-respect. Going into this last Monday, I was not totally convinced that it was going to work, but after just a few days at my maintenance dose I am just blown away by the way I feel and the freedom I all of a sudden have over the "pills" as well as my pain issues. Yeah, in a way I have a little more pain than before, but less rebound pain, and what I do have is tolerable. I have an appointment at the pain clinic at Dartmouth-Hitchcock and we are looking into an intrathecal pump, which means no pills and freedom from the danger of taking a "few extra doses" to get through the day.

I see from the posts that Tony is doing great and that makes me all the more confident and comfortable that this was in fact the right thing to do.

I'll be here frequently for the support and to offer what I can of my experience. I owe all of you a great deal of gratitude and thanks for being there for me through this process.

Many thanks to all of you...and thank you Judy for your belief in not just me, but the way you've been there with Tony -- that really hit me and made me take notice.

Thanks again....and I'm always here for anyone....I owe that to you all.

Be well my friends, and I'll be "talking" to you all(you probably won't be able to shut me up...lol).

Jay
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Unread 01-10-2006, 01:50 PM   #8
leeglegle
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Jay:

Congratulations on beginning your return to normalcy. It only gets better from here.

I continue to note how almost all succesful inductions mention the effect on their depression which was previously unmanageable. You're no longer organizing your life around addiction and you're not being held back by depression. Great things await you!.

I salute your service and sacrifice while in the military. You deserve a good life.

Robert
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Unread 01-10-2006, 01:54 PM   #9
dodo
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Jay,
FANTASTIC FOR YOU!!! If your pain gets a little too much, you can always try advil. Don't laugh, wait till you see how well they work now. I couldn't believe it, I hadn't taken an advil or tylenol in years. Since being on the sub, if I do get pain that I cannot tolerate, which is hardly ever, I take two liquid gel advils and I feel fine. Enjoy your new start and day!
Doris
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Unread 01-10-2006, 01:57 PM   #10
dodo
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Robert,
You know, you do have a point about how everyone seems to mention their depression has lifted. This site definitely proves that suboxone works for depression. I certaintly have left mine behind and hope to never get it back!
Have a Great Day!
Doris
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Unread 01-10-2006, 06:11 PM   #11
Phoenix
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I have to say, I'm moved to tears. I am so happy for you. As for Tony doing great, he's doing better. Great will come in time. I am hopeful, I am also suspicious. LOL It's going to take time for me to trust that when he's not in my presence, he's not doing dope. But as of yesterday, he said he's feeling good, positive, and really, really happy that when he woke up and the baby was sick he was able to stay home with her and take care of her instead of having to take her to daycare so he can go score dope. He also said he is so relieved that all of the money he is earning is actual earnings and not being wasted on dope. That make me hopeful. The more positives he sees out of his change, the better for all of us it will be. And, I'm continuting on with therapy so I can get over the trust issue. All is okay right now.
I have to say, Jay, I'm really proud of you. You don't need my praise or acceptance, or anything from me, but I look at your life experience and give you a lot of credit for trying and making an effort. You've been through a lot, a lot for me, for my freedoms, and if I can give you any support through this time, you've got it.
Judy
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Unread 01-10-2006, 06:36 PM   #12
Jaywalker
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Wow Judy....I am humbled....

I have never seen any of my past (in the military) as being anything special to be honest with you. I wanted to be a career soldier and a good one, and I only hope that I was. I certainly do not deserve any special recognition or praise. There are so many more who gave much more than I have, and are no longer with us here, including many, many of my friends and cohorts. Over the last few years I have struggled with PTSD and especially survivor guilt, and have felt that because of my problems with the narcotics I have done a disservice to those I served with. At least now I feel I am doing the right thing and will be able to hold my head up and honor them best by doing the right things now.

The people I have met here, including you and Tony, are among the most couragous people I have ever met. There are many different forms of courage, and you all have shown me that your/our/my personal struggles are at very least on par with any courage I have ever seen in battle, if not more so, as it is a personal struggle within oneself where losing means a fate often worse than being wounded or killed, and there are those innocent victims of our actions who have no choice. I admire all the people here who have struggled or are struggling with this addiction/dependency over which there is never a "cease fire."

I digress and rant, however. What I should just say is "Thank You" and let you know that I will continue to be here and share with you my experiences in the same battle that you are waging. I promise you I will do my best. Thank you again, and be well my friend.
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Unread 01-10-2006, 07:32 PM   #13
JOHND
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I am glad everything is going well for you! It sure is nice not feeling guilty anymore. I hope all continues to go well with you. This is a very exciting time for us!!

John
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Unread 01-10-2006, 08:21 PM   #14
Phoenix
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Jay,
Please understand that you are special because you made a decision to be a soldier and fight for average folk like me (who don't have that same courage), and I hail that. We can go back and forth and praise each other, but in the end, you are right, we each have courage in our own right. The only difference is, you were willing to die as a result of your decision. That goes a long way with me, and I'm sure countless others. You becoming addicted is not a factor in the amount of courage you have or don't have, and becoming addicted to a highly addictive substance certainly isn't a measure when discussing your worthiness compared to others who also made that same decision to support our Country. Addiction is a crazy disease that picks and chooses certain individuals, that I truly believe, and it's not a measure of a man (or woman). Let's just continue to lend support and help each other feel worthy of the praise being dished out all over the place on these threads.
Judy
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Unread 01-11-2006, 12:23 AM   #15
Jaywalker
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You are so right Judy...

I just want to be here not onlyl for the support I get from all you wonderful people, but hopefully to be able to offer support based on my recent experiences. I guess I just feel unqualified to offer much in the way of advice (I really am just taking this as it comes). It is a new, wonderful experience for me and I cherish every moment of it. It seems as though my life has changed so much, for the better, in such a relatively short period of time. It sure is a wonderful feeling.

Finding this board was just some kind of divine fate...and I am grateful. And I am also eternally grateful for all of you who have been here for me.

Love and best wishes to all....
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Unread 01-11-2006, 01:48 AM   #16
Phoenix
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Oh can you feel the love... LOL. This board saved my sanity when nothing else could. It rocks!!!
Judy
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Unread 01-11-2006, 09:02 AM   #17
estaban
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Jay, first of all welcome home! and thanks for your sevice to your country and all of us.I am a veteran(3rd Marines) from a different war.I too was wounded but not as bad.I will say a prayer for you.We are all in this together

Estaban
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Unread 01-11-2006, 10:03 AM   #18
Jaywalker
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Thanks Judy and Esteban...and Esteban - thanks for your service.

What a morning. I got up at 0400 with my girlfriend to make coffee for her and see her off to work (haven't done that for awhile...). "Melted" my medicine. Jotted down my "to do" list for the day (get the car inspected, chores, etc.) and sat down to write for awhile. The words flow easily.

No more getting up and limping out to my medicine cabinet to get that first tab of morphine and sitting there impatiently waiting for it to kick in. No more counting out the pills and figuring out when I was going to have to call my doctor for another prescription. No more planning my day around the morphine and the "rebound" pain and flares. A hell of a lot less anxiety about getting out and about and doing the things that needed to be done -- goodbye agorophobia!!

Maybe I'm in a "grace period." If that is so, then I pray that it continues indefinitely....

It seems odd that just a little over a week ago I was in a semi-panic state as I flushed the remainder of the morphine down the toilet and watched it swirl away as I prepared to go to the hospital for my induction. It doesn't even occur to me to dig through my pockets or cabinet looking for the pill bottle these days.

I think I'll surprise my partner and love of my life, Susan, with a nice dinner tonight when she gets home. Shopping and cooking don't seem like such a chore right now -- in fact I'm looking forward to it.

Yep...still need the heating pad at times, and ice at others, but my pain isn't the entire focus of my day today.

Well folks...thanks for being here, and thanks for being you. You all have helped me find a new way of living, and so you'll just have to bear the burden of having me share it with you.

And another thing...anything I can do, anytime, for any of you, just say the word. I am forever in your debt.

Be well my friends...and I'll "talk" to you all later.
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Unread 01-11-2006, 10:48 AM   #19
Mary
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Hi Jay. The grace period statement. Get used to it!! It's a new way of life. It's funny, the beginning, for me, having to 'adjust' to not wondering where, when, how, how much. It just is. It's nice. And I love it that the sub doesn't mess with my creativity as the meth did (foggy head feeling). I finally just feel like me. Welcome, my friend. It's just the beginning.

So, what's for supper!! - Mary
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