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Unread 10-24-2010, 02:01 PM   #1
Andrea
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Default I'm New Here, My Husband is an Alcoholic/Addict

Hi
I'm new to this forum. I was lucky for the past year and a half. My husband was sober (from drugs and alchohol) and attending AA regularly. Things were going great. We were getting along. Then out of the blue yesterday, he smells like marijuana. He admitted to smoking. I'm so upset with him. I have 2 young children and I run a daycare in my house. I cannot have drugs in my home. I told him to leave the house.

I'm so tired of the emotional rollercoaster. Even though he was sober for a year... I feel like it was just yesterday that I was going through this same crap. If he's smoking, I'm sure it won't be long until he's drinking again too. That's where the real problems arise between us.

I want to do what is best for my kids. I don't know if it's better to put up with his addictions, or to leave him. He's great with the kids, but I don't want them to see us fighting all the time.

If anybody had advice, I'd love to hear it.
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Unread 10-24-2010, 10:22 PM   #2
CarlyO
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Default Welcome Andrea !

Dear Andrea,
I am glad you found this forum - the members are very supportive and the site has a lot of educational info. Just click on any of the links to the right of the page. It sounds like you are already somewhat educated having been through this with your husb. before.
Relapses happen, they do not have to.
I am guessing his relapse started long before he smoked.
You said he found support via 12 step /AA , had he been slacking off meetings, becoming complacent, or other possible stressful life event ? I am in no way excusing the relapse, especially since it involves not only you/your family but also your job! IMO you have to do what you need to - to maintain your sanity, safety, and the welfare of your children. As well as your job, especially in this economy !

You are right about the progression, if he is defensive, in denial and unwilling to to seek help, you have some very tough decisions to make.
Do you have a support system to help you with this process? It is suggested if you do make a plan/ultimatum , to be ready to back it up, otherwise they end up being empty threats and you and the children are back on that roller coaster!

I have seen it in the "rooms' when you get a year under your belt and the disease starts talking to you, like maybe a little pot won't be bad, I can control it - but as you posted it can and often leads the person back on that road of self-destruction.
How are your children coping ? Please, if they need support as well do not hesitate to get it for them, it is heart breaking to have a year plus with their Dad and now it must seem like the rug has been pulled out from under them - again.

Read the threads from the members, the links, and I am sure members will be by to offer support and suggestions. We are here for you, know that you are NOT alone and take care, Carly

Link for friends/Family :
http://www.alcoholanswers.org/friends-family/
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 10-24-2010, 11:23 PM   #3
R. Lee
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Andrea, I'm a recovering alcoholic. Welcome to the site.

I must remember every day in my recovery that King Alcohol is just sitting on my shoulder waiting for me to have a weak moment or think I'm cured. I can never try controled drinking. It is not the 50th drink I have it is the 1st one that will get me.

Good luck in how you chose to handle your husband's behavior.
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Unread 10-26-2010, 02:26 PM   #4
Magda
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Hello Andrea-
Welcome to the forum. Recovery is a journey with many twists and turns, sadly the afflicted take their loved ones for the ride. Nobody can tell you what to do about your husband- and there are no guarantees unfortunately. The best thing I can think to say is- get him back in his recovery program ASAP! Relapses happen and are quite normal, what matters is how we handle them.
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 11-17-2010, 01:27 AM   #5
hairbizz
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Welcome, your post was moved here for better visibility:

http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=25509
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