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Unread 09-30-2010, 10:38 AM   #1
climber
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Default Feeling betrayed

He recently ended our four year relationship due to complications of his disease. He lied to me, stole money from me, and concealed his disease. I'm not sure if there is a book that you would recommend to help me come to terms with this loss...
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Unread 09-30-2010, 11:00 AM   #2
CarlyO
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Default Welome to the Forum Climber !

Dear Climber,

I am sorry that he ended the relationship, as you will read here, and the nature of the disease- alcohol will always come first. I know that is little consolation for a broken heart because I am guessing in spite of the chaos that his alcohol misuse brought into the relationship, you are hurt and confused. You did invest 4 years of your life with him and there is good person under the alcoholic. We are all good people when our disease is not controlling life/relationships etc...

Did he ever seek help? Would he be willing to ?

As far as books, I read Magda another Mod, recommended
"Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie.

I am sure some of the other members will by to welcome you and offer support. Please feel free to vent/ask questions. Hang in there and take care, Carly
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Unread 09-30-2010, 11:33 AM   #3
1418
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Hi Climber,

I am sooo sorry! A broken heart REALLY stinks under normal circumstances, but with an alcoholic involved, I think it is very confusing. My guess is that you stayed wit him for 4 years becuase you saw glimpses of the preson that he was when you fell in love with him, and you always saw that person hiding in there.... but unfortunately there isn't anything you can do to push away the alcoholic personality and bring out the person you fell in love with. It sounds like you believed in him more than he believes in himself. I don't fault you for that - believing in people is a good trait. Right now though - I think you need to focus on belieivng in yourself. As well as having a broken heart, you are probably questioning your judgement (the betrayl of trust is a tough one - especially if he was concelining the disease)....

Personally - I would read up on the stages of grief - so you kind of have an idea of what is coming. I would also read the book CoDependent No More. I would also find ways to "treat" yourself. Maybe a bath at night? Getting a $15 manicure? Taking a walk and photographing the trees with the incredible color changes?

Also - please exercise. Your mind and heart will NOT want to, but physically/chemically - it is more difficult to be sad and have a broekn heart after exercising. Your body will produce the "feel good" hormones after exercising. It probably won't be enough to overcome your sadness right now - but the comibnation of time, treating yourself, giving yourself permission to grieve, and then exercising - sooner or later your body chermistry will take over and you will begin to heal.

Please keep writing - it is a great way to process emotions.

Take care,
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Unread 09-30-2010, 01:33 PM   #4
bax1234
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Climber-

I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I understand. You see, I was here not even 2 weeks ago writing with the same thing and I too am broken hearted. I know it is hard, but you will find some peace of mind here, I know I did. These people have great words of encouragement. Just know that it wasn't you and you can't help someone that doesn't want help. The advise you already received is great. Keep yourself occupied and try not to dwell on it because it only makes it harder. Work on you!!! Because only you determine your happiness. I believe in you! And one last thing, when you feel alone...come here and read and write!
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Unread 10-02-2010, 09:54 AM   #5
CarlyO
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Dear Bax,

Thank you for sharing, May you all find peace and yes you are not alone !! Take care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 10-04-2010, 12:30 PM   #6
Magda
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climber-
I am sorry for your loss, alcoholism is so unpredictable and hard to cope with. Any books on co-dependency would be helpful, but Melodie Beattie has been a pioneer in the field. Her website is posted below. Please come back and share with others what you are experiencing, it helps allot.

http://www.melodybeattie.com/
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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