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Unread 07-29-2011, 08:04 AM   #251
CarlyO
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Dear Marilyn,

We know that Mike knows where to go and what to do. Absolutely, sendng thoughts and prayers your way! Take care, Carly
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Unread 07-31-2011, 04:22 PM   #252
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Dear Mom (especially Marilyn),

Thank you for sharing your stories. I can only hope and pray that I will have the grace and strength to deal with my alcoholic son. Your stories give me hope that if he does not get better that I can find a way to live my life with meaning. My son is 20 and just 2 short years ago I sent him off to college. I don't recognize that son anymore. He was a talented, smart young man who had been accepted into one of the top design schools in the country. He had been home since Christmas after being kicked out of the dorms for drug/alcohol use and failing all of his classes. Since then he has been on a downward spiral. My husband and I have tried so hard to help him with doctor's care, professional counseling, AA meetings, but all of his attempts to stop drinking have failed. He wants to join the military and just last week received a waiver that he needed to join. He was so happy, doing well at his part time restaurant job and just yesterday we returned from a fun family vacation. He worked last night and shortly after returning home he disappeared upstairs. I know by now that my usually social son who normally hangs out downstairs with us was up to something. I found him later drinking a bottle of wine that he had stolen from work. So far, he denies stealing it, but he is underage and this exact bottle is on the restaurants wine menu, so we feel sure that he stole it.

Thank you for letting me share. This is my first time on a forum, so if I wasn't sure if I should share on this "son" thread or start a new one.

Marilyn, your son and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you again for sharing. Your story touched me deeply.

Becca
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Unread 07-31-2011, 10:19 PM   #253
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Becca, Welcome to this site. As a recovering alcoholic I believe that your son has to want to get sober to get sober. No one can make him.
If he continues to us drugs they will show up in tests when he attempts to join the military.
Believe me it is very hard to get into any active duty services except the Army.
There are thousands or millions of very talented & educated alcoholics that have died from this disease.
I wish you & son the very best.
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Unread 08-01-2011, 12:05 PM   #254
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Dear Becca, Welcome, you will find as I have found some sense of why me, why my child or spouse or any person afflicted with substance abuse. The answers are never clear, you just hold on to hope that things will change and the brighter days are ahead. This site has helped to keep my sanity for at times I feel the fear that this is the end for my Mike. I read the posts and a light of glimmer comes and I get through the day and night. You will learn from R.Lee and many others both sides of the addict and begin to understand the disease alittle better. I do wish that you and your son will find peace and begin to communicate to each other so you can help him now before he gets to my Mike at 42Yrs. and still drifting with no real direction. Sounds like you and your husband have offered the chance to get an education and that is a great honor. The service was offered to Mike way back in the 80's but he was on his way, the bus stopped he was removed because he had an arrest warrant and no way he would be able to go in the Army. Mike is a hard worker, not just Mom saying so but many others, he just chooses the drinking and irresponsible way of life. Going on three weeks now I haven't heard a word, not sure where he is exactly, maybe Maine? I will add your son to my prayers and thoughts. We are not alone here, vent and just keep looking ahead. I am also under "alcoholic son" so I believe you can have your own thread. I certainly don't mind sharing my thread. Take Care, My best wishes, thoughts and prayers to all of you. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 08-02-2011, 05:18 AM   #255
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R.Lee, thank you for your comments and well wishes. I agree with you on all points! He did choose the Army and has already talked w/ recruiters. He has tested clean for drugs for the last 3 months but then immediately substituted the marijuana use with heavy drinking. He did go on his own to an AA meeting tonight and finally after weeks of going, he asked for a sponsor tonight. I'm hopeful, but I am learning to take this a day at a time. Thanks again for your insight.

Marilyn,

I'm so sorry that you have not heard from Mike. The "not knowing" and waiting to hear are much more difficult for me than dealing with an actual problem, so my heart goes out to you.

Thank you for your comments and especially for the prayers! I do understand you thoughts on trying to solve this at 20 and not letting years go by. I substitute teach 3rd and 4th grade and some days I have to choke back the tears wishing that Bryan was that age again and that I had another chance to try and help him before things reached this point. We are actually very close (maybe too much so) and talk all the time, work out at the gym together most days, etc. Of course I love that we get along so well, but it's that much more heartbreaking when he drinks and spins out of control. I went to my first Al Anon meeting last night and I am trying hard to understand and educate myself about alcoholism.

He has some difficult weeks ahead of him, as all his friends return to college and his younger brother also leaves in 3 weeks to begin his freshman year. He's very depressed and upset with himself.

I'm sorry to hear about Mike's military story. It's hard to not think about all the "would of beens" and "could have beens" and find a way to accept the realities of life. I love your comment about holding on to hope for change and better days! I'm going to carry that thought with me this week and try to hold on. I do hope that you hear from your son soon and I'm sending prayers your way!

Becca
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Unread 08-02-2011, 01:30 PM   #256
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Becca, Maybe this will be a turning point for your son. The military no longer puts up with drunks.
Marilyn, Don't give up on Mike. Don't enable him when he wants to come home. Insanity is described as doing the same things over again & expecting diffrent results.
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Unread 08-17-2011, 05:38 PM   #257
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Hi all, An Update on Mike, I went to the website in Maine for arrests and low and behold Aug. 12th Mike was arrested for Public Drinking. Will it ever end? I was so hopeful the not hearing from him meant he was turning it around and getting things back on track. Why is the summer time the woarst for the alcoholic? Looking back to all my posts each year this time around its the same sequence of events. He spirils down to the bottom. R.Lee I don't give up on him but I try to understand why the demon strikes him and then he finds his way back again to sobriety. My fear remains that I could lose him this time if he doesn't call any family members. I hate this disease with a passion, it destroys so many lives! There I vented my fustrations once again. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 08-17-2011, 08:47 PM   #258
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Marilyn, Maybe Mike has not hit bottom yet. Maybe he has more drinking to do. He may end up dead. He may sober up yet. It is up to Mike.
My best friend that I met in 1961 in high school & joined the Marines together after graduation in 63. We went to Vietnam together. Was put into a VA Hospice center today. He will die shortly.
John is hitting his bottom as I write this. Nothing could keep John sober. His mother enabled him. Giving him a place to live when John could not make it on his own & continued to drink. His mother died a year or so ago. His brother & sister made arrangements just this last winter for John to buy them out so he could buy the house from them. John sat in his (bunker) his garage & drank all day until John asked his son to come over & help him clean up the kitchen. When his son arrived the house was full of flies & maggots.
This is the same son that found his dad last year after John had a serious stroke. Did John change his life style after recovering from the stroke? NO NO, HE DID NOT!!!!!!!
I enabled John by lending him $700.00 in 1994 so he could pay 2 months rent. John never paid the rent nor did he pay me back. John & his son were evicted. John went to his mothers house to live & told his 16 year old son to make it on his own.
His son went to a friends house for a few days & made it back to Denver CO from Ft. Wayne IN. His son had no mother as she had been murdered & found chopped up in a trunk of her boyfriends apartment. His son made it on his own & returned to Ft. Wayne after a couple brushes with the law. This is the son that had to go to the maggot infested house.
John's son bought a house. He invited his dad over many times. John went to his son's house 3 times in 3 years only staying a few minutes.
Johns son tried to keep a check on his father only to find him drunk & living in filth.
No one could help John. John wanted to live as a drunk.
John & I met in 1961 in a private high school. We were not inter city kids. We just made a mess out of our lives.
I got sober in 2004. I have remained a recovering alcoholic.
John chose to drink himself to death.

Last edited by R. Lee; 08-17-2011 at 08:56 PM..
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Unread 08-18-2011, 02:46 AM   #259
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Marilyn,

I am so sorry about this new development with Mike. My heart goes out to you. It must be very challenging not being able to help Mike. You are right! This disease is cunning and destructive. Some people make it while others waste away. Hopefully that won't be the case with Mike. Will keep you in my prayers.

I am dealing with it also. We all have very similar stories. Keep sharing and venting here. It helps.

R. Lee- Thanks for sharing John's story. That message spoke to me loud and clear. I appreciate hearing alcoholics stories. It helps me understand my alcoholic husband much better. I know I MUST keep coming back!

Blessings to all. Hawaii
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Unread 08-18-2011, 09:22 AM   #260
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Thank You R.Lee and Hawaii, Wow the story of John is so real and sad. This is why I say I just don't know why a person who would have all the resources to live a better and more fulfilled life chooses not too! Some families I have met in alanon have completely shut out the substance abuser from their lives. Although my own personal life was different then my son's, when the state removed my sister and I from alcoholic parents and placed us in State Care I always felt that why didn't my parents care enough to call or see us. I promised myself I would always be there for my children no matter what. Trying to sort out whether I am enabling or helping is my biggest challenge! Facing the fact that your loved one may end their life because of an addiction is hard to grasp and believe. My belief in God makes me go on and know that there is a bottom for me also. Trying to focus on my life and happiness is the healthy way I know. May we all find peace in our struggles with addictions in ourselves and others we love. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 08-19-2011, 08:45 AM   #261
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Dear Marilyn,

As well you know ; it is often very difficult the to understand the choices a loved one struggling with alcohol issues makes when the throes of the disease. I just hate it for you and your family. please know that you have done your very best, we all know it's up to Mike and i can imagine it is so very frustrating. Hang in there.
Please take care of yourself and keep us posted , thoughts and prayers , Carly
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Unread 08-22-2011, 02:42 AM   #262
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Marilyn,

You are a loving and supportive mom. I'm sure Mike knows that you will always be there for him. So sorry to hear about his recent arrest. Continue to rely on your faith and family to get you through this difficult time of not knowing how and where Mike is. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
Hugs, Becca
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Unread 08-23-2011, 09:19 AM   #263
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Becca, Thank you for your warm and caring words. How is your son doing? I hope things are getting better for all of you. No word from my Mike as of today. Part of me wishes I had some contact to call to see if he was alright as in the past I was able to connect with a friend or acquaintance of his, the other part is I'm afraid to know. Go figure! it is such a hell to be in, trying to live your own life but constantly wondering if he's alright and safe. God be with us all! Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 08-23-2011, 08:33 PM   #264
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Marilyn, You & Mike are in my prayers.
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Unread 08-27-2011, 11:01 PM   #265
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Marilyn, Hi, I just to let you know that I'm thinking of you and keeping Mike in my prayers that he is somewhere safe as the hurricane moves towards Maine. I'm in NC, but all is good w/ us...just a ripped gutter from an old Oak tree that came down but missed the house. Bryan had another good week, but has gone to see friends tonight at his former college. I will be on pins and needles until he gets home tonight. I'm grateful for every good day, however I still find myself on edge all of the time. Take care and stay safe! Hugs, Becca
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Unread 08-28-2011, 01:14 AM   #266
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Hi Marilyn,
How is Mike? Any news from him lately. How are you feeling? Hang in there!

Blessings.
Hawaii
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Unread 08-30-2011, 08:59 AM   #267
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Hi Hawaii and Becca, No news from Mike, I check the Maine jail every week and so far nothing. No news good news I pray. Becca so happy to hear Bryan has had good weeks, hope your next post will be that things are still good. Take Care, Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 08-31-2011, 02:28 AM   #268
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Marilyn, hang in there. Mike has a Higher Power who is protecting him while he is away from home. I am confident that Mike will eventually hit bottom and find recovery on his own. In the meantime, take good care of yourself. You need to be well for yourself and the rest of your family. God has his hands on Mike. He can only go so far in this disease. We expect the best, always. Take care and talk soon.

Hugs. hawaii
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Unread 08-31-2011, 08:35 AM   #269
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GoodMorning Hawaii, Yes we have to believe in a Higher Power as the insanity of this awful disease will destroy all of us. I did call the rehab/shelter in Maine yesterday, that is where I sent that last pay check of Mikes. They of course couldn't give out any information of who is there, but did take Mike's name and my name and phone number. So we will wait and pray we hear soon, at least his voice. I hope all is well with your family and you are still taking each day at a time. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 09-01-2011, 09:11 AM   #270
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Good Morning to All, Well the call finally came from Mike! he is still in Maine at a detox/rehab once again. His counselor let him make the call. He got the message I had called the shellter. He's getting his head straightened out, getting back on track he says to me. Asking how everyone is, fine I tell him, we all were worried about him and I was so glad he called. That was it! Summer is over! now time to get it together! Need help here maybe R.Lee or Carly, how does a loved one deal with this kind of behavior? Don't get me wrong I am happy he is seeking help, however, when does one realize this is a con trying to pray on loved ones for support and caring when it only lasts through the winter and yes holiday season. Is this a symptom of the alcoholism or something else I really need some sound advise to help him but maintain my own relationships and sanity! Anyway my heart is lighter that I have heard his voice. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 09-01-2011, 10:51 PM   #271
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Marilyn, I'm so happy for you that Mike called.
Are you sure he is at a rehab facility?
I have posted before he is a big boy & it is time for him to make it on his own.
My friend John was enabled & he died of alcoholism..In John's obit. it said John died peasefully. He loved spending time with his family. What a crock! He had nothing to do with his son unless he wanted something from him.
I have a 40 year old son that is an alcoholic & dope smoker. There is no way he would get to live at my house. I can't even go see my granddaughters because of him.
My best to you & Mike. I will pray for him.
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Unread 09-02-2011, 08:32 AM   #272
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Hi R.lee, Thank you for your well wishes and words of wisdom. I really don't know for sure if he is at a rehab facility. I left the message with the detox/shelter in Maine and he called me. Yes I am aware he is cunning and this is the time of year that now he wants us all to help. I really feel bad that you don't see your grand daughters because of your son's substance abuse. Yes at funerals they always say the best about someone and everyone there knows the truth, but I believe it is to just try and bring some dignity to the deceased. As I said I was happy and relieved to hear his voice, however I still am angry that he is where he is now back to the beginning. He won't be living in our home again and I think he knows that. Thank you again for your prompt reply it means alot to me. Happy Labor Day! Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 09-02-2011, 03:21 PM   #273
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Marilyn,

Glad you heard from Mike!

Two thoughts, trust is easily lost and hard to earn back. Mike needs step up to the plate and change his behaviours. I can only imagine how frustrating and maddening it is for you but Mike owns it and in the end only he can change it. However he may need help (not family) to show. teach him how to deal with his triggers. It seems the spring, summer sets him off.

As Lee has mentioned before: " Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results".

Thinking of you and your family,
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Unread 09-03-2011, 03:09 AM   #274
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Hi Marilyn,

Glad to know you've heard from Mike. It must feel good to know he is still around working on himself. I can imagine the anguish you must feel. Not sure if I asked if you are also attending Alanon? There are online meetings and face to face meetings. That also helps me a lot. If you are attending, then that is wonderful. There are many people with similar stories that can uplift your spirit at these meetings.

I would not have made it this far in my marriage hadnot been for Alanon. It is not easy to deal with some else's drinking. This disease robs us from our sanity. It is impossible to live day to day without moral support. I also belong to another online meeting as well as this one here.

I've heard so many sharing about this disease. Yet, many people find peace with their loved ones while others detach completely and leave and divorce. Deep stuff, Marilyn. So, take care of yourself. As mentioned before, Mike has a Higher Power. He will be fine.
I am doing okay. Not much has changed. Taking one day at a time. Continue to pray for Shirley. I've been self-absorbed lately. Have not shared much online. No new development.

Blessings,
Hawaii
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Unread 09-03-2011, 03:25 AM   #275
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Dear Marilyn,

This is another great website for sharing. Try it and see. Just one more resource to help you with your recovery. This is Alanon!


http://alanon.activeboard.com/


Blessings,
Hawaii
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Unread 09-05-2011, 02:10 AM   #276
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Dear marilyn,
agreed ,glad you have heard from Mike, know where he is. Imo be optomistic but cautious at the same time. As always sending thoughts and prayers to your family.

Take Care, Carly
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Unread 09-06-2011, 01:03 PM   #277
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Thank You! Thank You! All for your words of encouragement and caring. I am being real careful not to enable Mike. I have not heard from him again but am hopeful he was truthful about the rehab. I will try the website you have suggested Hawaii. Shirley is still in my prayers. Starting to see that no changes are good, stress level stays stagnant for awhile. R.Lee read on other forum you celebrate 7 years sobriety, congratulations and may you continue. You have certainly given me encouragement and hope that Mike may have a good chance to be a healther and happier person in sobriety if he applies himself to the program. Day by Day, Sending you all big hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 09-06-2011, 09:05 PM   #278
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Thank you Marilyn.
I started this sober life 2 months shy of my 61st birthday. If I can do it anyone can. You just have to want it more than anything.
I stay sober just 1 day at a time. I give back what was so freely given to me.
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Unread 09-07-2011, 02:11 AM   #279
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Glad to hear from you Marilyn. Happy to know that you will check out the website. Yay! I know you will love it. It is a lively group, for real. Yet, this is my little family here too. Both meetings have different flavors to them. This is more personal. Have you noticed how many people actually read our stories but dont share. It is amazing. Still praying for Mike and you.

@ R.Lee: Congratulations! Seven years is a milestone. Wow! Keep it going one day at a time. Hope one day I can celebrate hubby's sobriety. One can dream and hope for the best. The Higher Power has his own plans.

@CarlyO: Thanks for your support on this forum. You and R. Lee have helped me deal my own issues with my Ah and life in general. I appreciate it so much.

@Becca: Hang in there! Bryan will be fine. I know he is working very hard to stay sober. Glad to know he is not keeping company with the wrong people. One day at a time is all we can work this program.

Blessings to all.
Hawaii
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Unread 09-07-2011, 11:23 PM   #280
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Marilyn,

So glad to hear that Mike got in touch with you! I hope that he is in rehab and working hard to get better. R. Lee and the others always have great advice. As much as a mom wants to "fix" this for our sons, R. Lee is so right about they have to do it for themselves and when they are ready to get sober. Hawaii mentioned the online Al Anon and I have also joined one. This site is more personal, but I do like getting emails throughout the day from my Al Anon group with their group shares. Al Anon has given more the perspective that I needed to step back, but still offer love and support.

I will post an update on Bryan on the other thread...things are OK, but not great.

Take care...Becca
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Unread 09-20-2011, 11:17 AM   #281
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Hi Marilyn, wondering how things are going.
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Unread 09-22-2011, 01:43 PM   #282
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Hi Magda, Sorry for the late reply, have been on vacation and back to work this week finding no spare time to write until now! I am hanging in there, heard from Mike, he is supposely working on finding a rehab. is on the waiting list. I want so much to find his way back to sobriety but my disappointment in how he relapsed this past May after 7 months of working and staying sober. He just left the job and went right back to his old self, no regard to all his family that was encouraging him and helping in so many ways. As R.Lee says to me he is not done drinking yet and he remembers himself only thinking of himself, everyone was not important. So Mike will find his way alone this time around, because his family is tired of the cycle of his. He has lost all of our respect and trust. We will all love hime dearly and worry, but Mike needs to find Mike and figure out if he really wants full time sobriety or wants to use his alcoholism as a excuse to burden everyone. Thanks everyone for your kindness and concern. Day by Day! Becca hope Bryan is doing well. Keeping you all in my prayers. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 09-23-2011, 01:09 AM   #283
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Marilyn, as hard as it is for you and your family this approach may be just what he needs to get sober and stay sober! Telling Bryan that he was about to be put out of the house without money or a car finally got his attention. He's doing well, 60+days of not drinking. Of course, I have read enough stories on this site to know that most alcoholics have at least one relapse. Another mom of an alcoholic gave me a book, Love First, and the back of the book has a list of low or no cost rehabs. I hope Mike does find a rehab soon. Glad to hear that you went on a vacation! Still praying for you, Becca
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Unread 09-25-2011, 01:55 PM   #284
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Dear Marilyn: Glad to know that Mike is looking for a rehab. I hope he gets serious about his recovery. It does not matter if he goes to rehab. He has to have the desire to quit drinking or using. My Hubby has been to five rehabs and still doing the craziest things. He still drinks. As R. Lee mentioned before, they are not done drinking yet. They can run but cannot hide. It is a daily struggle for them as well. The disease is powerful. Without strong self will, it is almost impossible. I am praying for you and your family. May God heal in all ways.

Hugs.
Hawaii
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Unread 09-26-2011, 01:36 AM   #285
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Dear Marilyn,

Pullling for Mike as always as well as you /family. It does sound encouraging that he is taking initiative. Take care, Carly
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Unread 09-30-2011, 12:48 AM   #286
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Marilyn,

Thanks for the post on my thread today and I am so happy for you and Mike. Long term rehab sounds like a wonderful option for him. I hope that he will stay as long as he needs to get well. You must be so relieved to know that he is safe and getting help.

Take care and hugs, Becca
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Unread 09-30-2011, 08:29 AM   #287
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Becca,
Yes I am relieved to hear he made this move to go into a long term rehab. I talked with one of the counselors at the facility as Mike this time around has given his release so I can get information of his care. She told me it is only a few days that he has been there, however, it is a intense program and they can figure out if someone is there only because there is no where else to go. After the 30 days we can visit and talk with Mike. Just knowing where he is and he is safe is such a burden that is lifted from my shoulders. Yes I realize we are talking about a 42 yr old adult here but he is still my child. We know Mike can do this but I believe the temptations are out there. Looking forward to the Holidays with peace. Thinking of you and Bryan often, praying that you are finding peace and happiness. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 10-02-2011, 11:34 PM   #288
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Marilyn, I'm pulling for you & Mike.
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Unread 10-03-2011, 12:58 AM   #289
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Here's to hoping it 'sticks' this time. I wish Mike the best.

Regards,
Saint
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Unread 10-03-2011, 01:59 AM   #290
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Marilyn, age is not a factor when it comes to our kids. You love your son regardless of his age. I know that because I am mom, too. My mom lives with me and I see how much she worries about me and what I am going through. I try not to worry her with my problems. Yet, she can read me like a book. Hope you can visit Mike soon. The holidays are coming and it is a good time to reconnect with loved ones. Keep the faith! Mike will turn his life around one day at a time. It has to be on his terms, as you know. Try to enjoy yourself whenever possible.

I went to church with mom and daughter, then to eat, followed by a trip to the beach. It was nice to hang out with the girls today. I told them we will hang out at the malls when the Christmas lights are in and all the decorations are up. Looking forward to the holidays. Love taking pictures and posing. Shirley is excited about that.

Also, looking forward to some activities in November that includes dancing and all. There are plenty of things that bring me joy. Looking for ways to spend quality time with the family as well as taking time for myself as well.

There are miracles all around us. Stay in touch!

Hawaii
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Unread 10-03-2011, 09:23 AM   #291
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Thank all of you for your warm caring words. I will never give up on Mike I know that, it is just trying to believe in him and trusting him. I await today for a call from him about him being able to attend his granmothers funeral. She died this past weekend at 99 years young. Mike was so close to her, the rehab says he could call family and get the information which he did yesterday. I may have to go get him Thursday night and have him stay with us, the funeral is Friday at 11:00A.M.
Mike seems upset because while talking to his Dad, he told Mike there was no need for him to come, everyone else is coming. Mike's cousins from California and Virginia are coming. I know his father is more discouraged about Mike's relapse than myself, but his dad will always disapprove I believe. I told Mike he had to do what he felt was right and go with the rehab rules as to being able to attend. Through all the years we have gone through the ups and downs with Mike his Dad has always been I feel the devil's avocate! So we wait and see what happens. Day by Day!
Hawaii I am so happy for you looking forward to the Holidays and believing in yourself, enjoy your family and believe in them. R.Lee and Saint you always give me the strongest amount of hope that Mike will again enjoy sobriety! Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 10-13-2011, 09:54 AM   #292
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Hi All, I picked Mike up and he spent the night with us. I talked alittle with him on the way home from Maine. He tells me he really needs to focus on why when he begins his binge onto alcohol and pot he doesn't stop until he is completely on the bottom again. Yes the five and half months he went through the five thousand dollars. When we got back to NH he wanted to ride by the local mall to see if his bike was still in the bike rack where he left it five months ago, no way was it there! He is suppose to be having a complete physical and mental evaluation this week, maybe then we will know for sure if he is bi-polar. At his grandmother's funeral he spoke saying that he would miss her and her words of wisdom, he did get emotional speaking, but he did get up and say a few words. His Aunt brought him back to Maine on Friday as the counselor was adament that he not stay away to long from treatment.
We went camping this past weekend to get through knowing a year has now pasted since losing our beloved Lisa to cancer. She will always remain in our thoughts and prayers, missing her sweet voice and positive attitude. The weather was beautiful and the color of fall has finally bloomed in our part of the country. Well thats all my news for now! Happy Fall to All! Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 10-14-2011, 01:35 AM   #293
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Hi Marilyn,

Glad to know you spent some time with Mike. Unfortunately, it was under sad circumstances. Sorry to hear about the death of your loved one. Also, my condolences for Lisa's one year anniversary. This is a very difficult time for your family as well. Yet, you are doing the best you can to comfort and deal with things realistically. You are showing strength in the midst of it all. Give Mike my regards.

Love u.
Hawaii
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Unread 10-14-2011, 02:13 AM   #294
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Marilyn, It was good to see an update from you! I'm glad you had some time with Mike. So hoping this treatment will be successful for him! Condolences on the anniversary of your daughter's death. Take care, Becca
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Unread 10-14-2011, 07:04 PM   #295
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Mendela,
I am from the one of the other sites here. I read your entire story one night and it brought me to tears. I always read your up-dates, and very relieved your son is in treatment. I am praying that this will be the one that sticks, not only for him, but for you as a his Mother. I think as Mom's we can't ever give up.

I send my condolences on the Grandmother, and continue to be amazed at your strength and courage you have shown with your daughters passing. You remind me that as hard as things get, we just have to keep living our life the best that we can.

Thank you,

vhappy
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Unread 10-20-2011, 01:31 PM   #296
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Hi vhappy, Thank you so much for your kind words. To all Mike has left treatment as of Monday, I had that Mother's instinct to call and the counselor said he left. They really wanted to help him but he wasn't going to stick it out. As he said we can't work harder than he wants too! So I 'm bummed out, wishing that he would call so I know he is alright. Why o Why is this disease so controling? He was suppose to have the physical and mental tests today. Give up no, but wonder when will it end. I feel so lost, like did I not read the writing on the wall when I saw him at his grandmothers funeral? Was it wrong for his father and Aunt to give him money? Well I once again put it all in God's hands. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 10-20-2011, 11:17 PM   #297
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Mendela,

I am so sorry that your son left treatment. I feel your pain, as I have a son who is alcoholic and I'm beginning to think mentally ill. No amount of $$ is enough - and the bank is finally closed. My son has been drunk most of the summer/fall. Once in awhile I'll get a sober, normal call but not very often. I am at the end of my rope ... found out today (from my ex and from son who called drunk again) that he got in a wreck and took off. Calls me (drunk) wanting to know what to do ... he won't do the right thing. I am so worn out and have cried all night. I can't even talk to him anymore without screaming at him and hanging up on him. I am literally at the end of my rope and don't want anything to do with him. He had a job and quit after a few days. It's pretty sad when a mother WANTS her son to go to jail/prision. But that might be the only way he stays alive, and the thought of him dying is too much for me to think about, even though it's on my mind every day.

Being a mother is so painful ... and I've read your story and it makes me cry. When I "get busy and turn it over to God" I feel so much better (until I dwell on it and try and come up with solutions). I have been going back to Alanon and it does help along with praying. I hope we can both find peace if even for a bit, along with everyone on this board.

Take care and bless you ...

Denice
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Unread 10-21-2011, 12:55 AM   #298
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Hi Marilyn,

It breaks my heart to hear that Mike left rehab. What is next??? Boy oh boy! I was not expecting this at all. Be encouraged, Marilyn. It is beyond your control. You have done ALL that you can to help Mike. I wish there was something that can be done. Yet, Mike has to actively participate in the process. I know it hurts. The disease of alcoholism creates monsters out of our loved ones. Serious stuff.

I cannot imagine what tomorrow brings. We have to take one day at a time. Each day has its own surprises. Thank God there is place to post and vent. The moral support here is awesome. If you can, reach out to your Alanon friends also. That is what I do. I use all my resources. Hang in there!

Sending you hugs. Hawaii
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Unread 10-21-2011, 12:41 PM   #299
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Denice, Thank you so much for your post. Yes I too cry many times when things are heading to the bottom for Mike. I feel for you with your Son, you haven't mentioned his age, no matter what age they are our children. I never imagined I would be in a slump as many times with Mike's behavoir. Turning the pain and despair over to a higher power is how we all survive. We look toward each day as a beginning, it may be a good day or a bad one. We hope for the best. Thank you again for caring about us. I keep you and your son in my prayers. Hugs, Marilyn

Hawaii, The saga continues, thank you for your kind words. I once again await his call to tell me what is what. Maybe it will be the truth, maybe not! I have gained alot of wisdom about this disease and I am not easily tricked as in the past. So I take a deep breath and pray that he is safe. Hugs, Marilyn
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Unread 10-21-2011, 04:18 PM   #300
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Marilyn, I'm sorry for you that Mike has chosen this path.
As I have said before he has to want it. It is not what we want.
Please try to accept the path that he has chosen. He cares for no one but himself.
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