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Unread 03-22-2008, 03:50 PM   #1
lissupat1
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Default Bewildered

My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for 2 years. We have separated several times due to his drinking and the last time we got back together, 2 years ago, he was sober. He was sober the entire last 2 years and life was good. We moved from Texas to Florida a few months ago. He is involved in a new company. Things really went downhill again and he is drinking morning, noon and night. He has become emotionally and verbally abusive. He has told lies to his and my family members saying that I have a drinking problem, which I do not, and even went so far as calling my oldest son and telling him that I was causing him problems. I went into a rage and he called the police. The biggest problem is that he has changed toward me. He used to be this affectionate, kind, supportive and patient man. Now we are constantly yelling at each other and can't have a calm conversation about everyday things that involve running a home. He repeats old stories and brings up my past, which has never been very happy. He is sullen, angry and feels that I don't appreciate him. Once we moved, I found a job and that has truly been my salvation. He "works" from home. A great deal of the time, he is actually drinking and sleeping. He will not talk to me about work. The most recent problem happened last week. I helped him with some correspondence for work all day and part of the evening. He kept thanking me for helping. When we went to bed, he passed out. He was snoring and I shook him gently to see if he would turn over. He awakened and screamed at me that I was not a decent wife and had never helped him. I was devastated. Let me also point out that for the 2 years we lived in Texas, I was the sole support of our family. I can't tell you how disappointed and troubled I am at the way things have turned out. We don't talk, I watch t.v. in the evenings in a separate room and totally avoid him because he drinks evvery night. He says he can quit anytime. In speaking with his family in Finland, I recently found out that he had been in treatment for something else....tried to get help for him..is what his sister told me. So, I really don't know what this was about. When we lived in Colorado, things were so bad due to his drinking and the job he had there, I was suicidal and was admitted to the hospital. I am fully recovered, take my anti-depressant every day and will never allow him to do that to me again. Ijust want some peace in my/our life. I don't know how handle this because I am so confused about the way he is now. I really want my old husband, the kind, etc. one back. I am too old to be going through this again (jus turned 63 and should have known better than to get back with him) Can someone send me some information on how to live with him and how to carry on my life at home when I am not at work?
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Unread 03-22-2008, 08:20 PM   #2
kmocnik
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You can't put an age on your happiness. If you have tried and you have obviously been through a lot with this man you know if it is time to let go. Age should not be a factor in your happiness. It seems to me that you are already alone. Do what makes you happy. At least try.
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Unread 03-22-2008, 11:09 PM   #3
lissupat1
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Thank you for responding to my message. I appreciate your comments.
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Unread 03-23-2008, 02:48 AM   #4
Dottsie
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Hi-My heart goes out to you. I wish I had some words of encouragement for you but I don't. I also am on anti-depressants. I have a loved one that battles alcoholism. I am here if you would like to chat
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Unread 03-23-2008, 03:06 AM   #5
lissupat1
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Dottsie

Hi-My heart goes out to you. I wish I had some words of encouragement for you but I don't. I also am on anti-depressants. I have a loved one that battles alcoholism. I am here if you would like to chat
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Unread 03-23-2008, 03:13 AM   #6
lissupat1
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HI and thanks for responding. This is just so difficult and if I did not take my antidepressant every day, I don't know what might happen. I did make a decision when things got really tough that I would not allow him to push me over the edge again. There is really nobody to talk to. My children would be so upset if they knew what was going on, again. The last time we separated, they were very understanding, but when we got back together it was hell. After two years things were better with the kids and they accepted the fact that we were back together, so I cannot talk to them. I had a conversation with my husband tonight and told him that I was going to Al-Anon next week. I very quietly told him how destructive his behavior had been and that I did not know how to deal with the situation and needed some support for myself. I also told him that when I worked in Texas, I really hated all the overtime that was necessary for me to do because I really missed spending time with him, now, I told him that my new job is my salvation and that work was the only place I felt comfortable. He listened very quietly, but I don't think he really understands. Hopefully, this forum and the meetings will give me some insight. I also told him that I could not make him stop drinking and that I could not control what he does. Maybe he will have taken it in. Thanks for your words.
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Unread 03-23-2008, 10:42 PM   #7
lissupat1
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by kmocnik

You can't put an age on your happiness. If you have tried and you have obviously been through a lot with this man you know if it is time to let go. Age should not be a factor in your happiness. It seems to me that you are already alone. Do what makes you happy. At least try.
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Unread 03-23-2008, 10:50 PM   #8
lissupat1
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HI . I have thought a lot about your response to my topic. You are absolutely right. I want to let it all go, but am not sure how to do that. I am going to an Al-Anon meeting on Tuesday night after work. Does letting it go mean moving out? At this point, I can't move out. I am not financially able for the next few months to do that. I am trying to figure out a way to start the process. I would like to open my own checking account, but I know what a furor this will raise. This has happened in the past between us. I guess I just need the courage and support to start breaking away from him. I lived on my own for several years when we split before and loved it. Maybe it is admitting another failure that scares me. Today, Easter Sunday, I thought that we would be going to church. My husband said, when he got out of bed at noon, that we had just "talked about it". I escaped by going to work for an hour and when Ireturned home, he had been drinking (no surprise) while trying to help do some housework. I just buried myself in doing some household chores to try and avoid any conversation with him. I also buried myself by watching a couple of movies during this very wet and rainy Florida day. He took himself upstairs at 5p.m. and went to sleep. I had made dinner and ended up eating alone. Thanks for listening.
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