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Unread 02-29-2008, 10:54 AM   #1
Soldier
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Default I don't know what to do

I don't know what to do. I talked to her and she is not sure that she wants to work things out. She doesn't want a divorce (maybe because she wouldn't get as much money). I don't know what to do. I want this to work. I really don't know. I asked her to try one more time. She ha agreed to that but I don't know if she is really going to put the effort. Can someone please tell me what to do. I am lost ....again. I just having my heart ripped out all the time.
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Unread 02-29-2008, 11:22 AM   #2
SLynn
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Soldier

Only time will tell. If she says she is going to try and you believe her, then that's what you have to look towards.

If you don't believe her, then why would you ask her to commit when it just sets you both up for failure and pain? Maybe you make yourself too available? Why does she have all the control? Is your heart breaking because of the driking or because the person you loved is already gone? These are the questions that run through my head when I read your story.

Remember, I'm just on the outside looking in. I don't live this like you do and you have to do what's right for you today. Tomorrow may be different. Every minute that goes by is a minute that you survived in the life that you have now. Take it minute by minute, day by day.........

See what the day brings you.

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Unread 02-29-2008, 01:00 PM   #3
rkjmtc
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I am so sorry. I have the same questions as SLynn, for you and me. You were doing good until she acted as though it was over and then panic sets in. I know I just experienced the same thing last night. The person that we fell in love with wouldn't hurt us this way. We both know that. So the thought that you will never find that person again hurts. You told me to stop giving him the control, you need to stop giving her the control. Which I know you already know. And I know first hand just how bad you are hurting. Love doesn't do that. I look at my kids and I know if they were hurting I would die to stop their pain. I can't help but wonder if I want to be with any one who doesn't feel the same way about me. We both deserve that. Try to be strong. I hope and pray that she comes to her senses this time. And I am here for you.

Kim
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Unread 02-29-2008, 01:44 PM   #4
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Thanks kim I just hate feeling this way. You are right on all counts. My brother said something similiar to that. I am glad you are there. It is funny how we all have the same things happening. I just look at this and say what the fluff. I just hate this. I feel that I am just letting her run everything. I thought that I was in control then wham. Right between the eyes. Never saw it coming. You are right that panic sets in. Why do we feel this way? I want to go on with my life. I would like her with me. we been married 16 years. We have been thru everything and I mean everything. Now that she is sober she is seeing things different? I think that she talks to the women in AA and they are so use to dealing with a**holes that she is convinced that I am one also. I don't know. I am getting my son for the weekend I hope that goes well. I thank both of you for caring about me. I feel a little better knowing that people care about me. Sometimes we think we are all alone.... Today started out being all alone. But then I came here and you listen to my crying. I don't know to many people who would listen to me. I am glad this is here so that I can talk to people and hear them and they hear me. I love you all.
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Unread 02-29-2008, 03:22 PM   #5
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I know your hurting and that you really love her. If you are having trouble deciding what to do, think about this. If you gave it a chance, you and her may work it out and be ok. But, if you gave your relationship another chance and it didn't work out at least you will be able to say at the end you tried and you done what you could to try and make it work. At least you wouldn't have no regrets on your part. I've learned this from family members and friends. Trying on your part is something you do know to do and it's the right thing. Even if it doesn't work, then she will have to deal with the problems herself cause she didn't do her part.
The only thing is, YOU have to be sure your own heart is set on trying and weather or not your love for her is strong enough to want to try with her. I know you don't know what she really wants, that will be another decision to weather you want to try to work on the relationship even though you don't know her truly feelings. Who knows? She may end up breaking down and showing her true feelings to you, OR she may not. Life can throw some terrible situations at you that cause you to have to make a hard and strenuous decisions.
Just get your own mind set first on weather you can work on this or weather you think you need to move on yourself.
My husband and I split for a week and it just almost ended completely. That last day of that week though, we decided to work on it even though we both had issues with each other. We have been married for 9 yrs. now, going on 10. We are happy.
Could this be you and her OR do you see it has this not happening.
I hope I've been some help to you!
I'll be checking back with you. GOOD LUCK!
Worrygirl
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Unread 02-29-2008, 04:40 PM   #6
nove23
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Soldier
It's been a while since I've posted --but I can across yours. Well Iam going thru the same thing. I finally filed for divorce and I really don't want this. He talks to me and I think that's the old husband I had. But I don't want to fall in to hurt again because he may not really be wanting to really change. This man has moved on with another woman and thinks nothing of the family he has left behind. I don't know what to think any more . Iam like you my heart has been pulled out of my chest and stomped on. WHY!!!!!!! tina
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Unread 02-29-2008, 04:41 PM   #7
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Thanks for the advice. It will be a help. I need to make sure that what I am doing is right and that being together is right. Right now I don't know. But we will always try. Thanks again. I love this site. People are always great. Thanks. Tina I know how much it hurts. I feel the pain every day. All we can do is what we always do is pick up the pieces of our shattered life.
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Unread 02-29-2008, 04:46 PM   #8
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It's hard for us to think our loved ones would ever hurt us but they do. Can we trust them again? Think from your brain not your heart. That sucks does'nt it? Hang in there and maybe it will work out for you --but also it could tear you up more if she walks out again. Tina
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Unread 03-03-2008, 10:45 AM   #9
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Tough weekend. I have tried to work things out. I am going to give a proposal for the divorce. I am going to write up something with what I want and the let her put what she wants. May be this is the best thing. I am not sure but I can't stand living in limbo. Maybe this will make her either come to her senses or make the break clean and advantagous for all. She fights over stupid things. I can not live like this anymore. I don't want to figt. I love her but this fighting is not worth it. I can not be me and I can not do what she wants me to do. She doesn't want to get back together. She showed me that this weekend by fighting over 2 stupid things. I can not go on living this way. If I break maybe I can go on with my life. I can't understand how someone you love can heart you so badly.
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Unread 03-03-2008, 01:08 PM   #10
rkjmtc
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sorry your weekend was rough....Was your son ok? She sounds like she is still drinking or my mom uses the term dry drunk. My mom said her mom would quit drinking and after awhile the behavior would still be there. Which is a scary thought for me. I wnat to believe it is the alcohol and not the people we love doing this to us. I guess in a way it is. Stupid disease, so selfish and hurtful. With countless victims. Think of all the families that had suffer this weekend and it makes me sick. I am a compassionate person but, this is crap.
If you are truly ready to make the break then you should make your proposal. If there is any part of you that hopes she will change because of it, please know she will hurt you. Not because she doesn't want you, but because there is no way she can possibly think she is worthy. And as long as she doesn't know there is wonderful life out there for the taking and she can do it she will always fail.
I am not an alcoholic, but I spent so many years thinking i got what i deserve. I wasn't good enough, so i created situations that validated what i felt about myself. Self sabotage is what i hear your wife doing. I think she knows what she has done, i don't think she can forgive herself.

All that rambling aside. You have to take care of you. Some people die with out forgiving themselves. Old lonely people still thinking they are victims. Are you willing to wait?

Don't do anything until you are sure you are ok no matter the result. Either way you know I am here.

Kim
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Unread 03-03-2008, 11:44 PM   #11
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Hey Soldier,

Sorry about your weekend. I had one of those myself. It is hard to let go. Even when you know that it might or will be good for you. The biggest thing for me is all the rejection. Why am I always being rejected by him. Why does he turn to others when he lives in this house with me. He must not want this. I have been searching for attorneys to contact. Nothing I do seems to shake him and well I don't want to anymore. If I am not worth the fight than I need to get out. That is okay. It is so hard becuase we are always second and always continue to be second. We just wish we could get a different response from them. Well over here it does not work for me. I really think it is time to start living our lives. If they so desire they can always find the way back like we find the way to hang on. I think inch by inch anything can happen. I think you are making the right choices. At this point you need to protect yourself and your son. I believe you have a son. Just my two cents. I had an awful weekend also.

Take care
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Unread 03-04-2008, 01:28 AM   #12
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Watch her actions and not her words.Her actions will tell you where her heart is.Also remember that nothing good comes with force. If the actions tell you what is goig on with her ,then you will have to accept the answer what ever it may be.
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Unread 03-04-2008, 10:57 AM   #13
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You guys are right. I don't like it. But I have no choice. She doesn't want to work things out. I am tired of fighting over stupid things. She got angry with me because I did not bring her coffee and that I didn't take the girls out for breakfast. Silly things. She seems to only want to fight when I talk to her. I don't want to fight. I want things to be good between us. I don't think it will ever be good. So we will see by the end of the week what is going to happen. I will go forward. I am lonely. Maybe that is why I want to get back. I know that is not a good reason. but that is not a good reason either. I love her but I can not deal with her either. The kids don't want us back if all we are going to do is fight
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Unread 03-05-2008, 03:00 PM   #14
rkjmtc
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You ok today?

I am doing ok. Kind of sad cuz I have a hard time even remembering why I wanted to share my life with him. If I am honest with myself, it wasn't that good, That makes me sad. Can't lie to myself anymore.....

Anyway I just wanted to check on you.

Kim
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Unread 03-05-2008, 04:52 PM   #15
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Yeah I am kinda of ok. Told her that I want to meet to discus the divorce. I want to put a propasal of what I want. ie. child support, bills etc. She seemed kind of shocked and angry. At first she thought I was talking something else, then when I told her no the divorce and want to meet friday after work. She started saying somethings I told her I don't care. I do care but I can not let her know that I care. It sucks when you love someone and they kick you like a dog. You know if you kick a dog long enough it bites back. I am now biting back. Deep in my heart I wish we could be back, but I can't go on wishing. It hurts to much. I hate living in limbo. Still lonely. Kids don't call me. Well one does but not the other 3. I feel that she says things to the kids and to her friends telling them how bad I am. So I am sitting here being kinda sad. Sorry. don't mean to dump. Angel I hope that things go better for you. Remember things all ways will get better. Be good my Angel. You always seem to come on when I need you. Your the Angel on my shoulder.
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Unread 03-05-2008, 10:41 PM   #16
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I really am proud to hear you sticking up for you. I know how much this hurts. You are not the bad one. Hang on. You can do this. I give this advice and I never take it. I am really proud of your actions to help yourself. That takes a very special person. I hope you are okay today. You can do this if this is what you want.
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Unread 03-06-2008, 03:23 AM   #17
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Soldier

You have been on such a roller coaster ride and feel that taking the control away from her is a really good step. It may not feel good but it will bring good things. Even if you don't see them right away.

SLynn
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Unread 03-06-2008, 10:49 AM   #18
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I hope so. I never have felt so alone as now. I am taking control and she doesn't like it. Instead of working to a solution she keeps trying to throw things in my face (my family has been good to you, I stood by you, etc). but that has nothing to do with us. I don't know what she is thinging or trying to prove. I am still open for reconciliation but not holding my breath.
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Unread 03-07-2008, 11:39 AM   #19
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sorry i couldn't check in yesterday. i am glad you are makiing a stand, I have gotten to that point as well. It is just to painful to keep hope. My son (16) is having such a hard time... that is a different topic. But it makes me think of your kids. I realize you are not the one with the problem so I don't want this to appear that way. That in mind..... You need to call your kids. If you have to get a prepaid cell or some other option so you can reach them directly if she interferes. I dont tell my kids anything other than their father loves them just not me. And he is convinced I must be telling them not to make contact with him. They are children. Children going thru a very bad pain seeing their parents this way. I remember when it happened to me. I waited for my dad to call. When he would finally get around to it I wouldnt know how to react and he would think I didnt care. I was achild, I felt my worls crashing down. I needed him to be the adult and love me in spite of how I may have acted. My dad stopped calling when I was 8. my mother always reminded me that he loved me the only way he knew how. And I learned that as long as there is love you take what ever they give you. His inability to get passed his own life left me abandon and taught me to accept that kind of love to this day. PLEASE! call your babies. they need even if they dont think it. I am 36 and still wonder why my father didn't get passed himself to get to me. Maybe I wouldn't be here (seperated/cheated on) if he had made me worth any pain he might have to endure to be there.

I hope I am not off. I know you are a great person. I just see my kids struggling cuz there is no communication. I remember my own life as well. We have to be the adults and call even if they don't want us too. It matters.

Kim
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Unread 03-07-2008, 01:46 PM   #20
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I try to call them. My 18 year says she is too busy. My other ones I call when i can sometimes it feels that they hate me or angry at me. I do call them. My youngest sometimes calls back but he is 15 and he gets girl crazy. But that is what 15 year old boys do. I do get the one of the boys every other weekend. But she says that I don't seem them enough. Then she tells me that she needs a break. and that I should take them all more often. The two oldest have cars and they can call me and we can get together but that never happens. one has a boyfriend and is in college and doesn't have time for dad. so I do get lonely. But I needd time for me to. She doesn't understand that. I work over 70 hours aweek. I need to do some time for me. I don't know. when i do time for myself I feel guilty. but I really need the time to keep my sanity. Angel I am glad you came on. I know that you understand and you have helped me thru a lot a crap.
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Unread 03-08-2008, 11:32 AM   #21
rkjmtc
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My oldest is headed to colleg this August. It is just an age. She is very verbal and says she loves us, but she she is so busy living she doesn't have to worry about us. So i understand what you mean.

Just keep reaching out to them.

And of course you need to take time for yourself. You won't be any good for yourself or your children if you don't take care of you.

Hope your weekend is better than the last.

Kim
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Unread 03-10-2008, 10:57 AM   #22
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It was a tought weekend. I told her what I wanted for the divorce, she went nuts. She calling me all kinds of names. The children are angry with me or so she says. I try to talk to my daughter who is not happy and she wont even talk to me. I don't know what else is going to happen. Then she calls me about 8 times. Then she calls me the last time and says that she is not ready for a divorce. What the hell does that mean? I don't know. She calls all my money except for the little I take for my self. She knows that when we are divorced she is only going to get child support and money for the bills we have together. She is saying I am being selfish and I am hurting the kids.
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Unread 03-10-2008, 11:20 AM   #23
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Hey Soldier,

Stick to you what you are doing. We tend to make life easy for them. Try to remember you are helping and not hurting. Set your grounds and live by them. If she wants this she knows what needs to happen. I am proud of you. Keep doing what you are doing. Don't let her tell you the children are angry. Ask them for yourself. Don't leave them out explain yourself and how you feel to them. Listen and deal together what you guys are feeling. Have a good day.
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Unread 03-10-2008, 12:57 PM   #24
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I have tried to talk to the kids. I can talk to all of them, but one is not talking to me. Ok the situation is this, I have 3 children from a previous marriage and they did live with me and her. She had one child out of wedlock, I have been the only father she has ever known. I adopted her when she was about 5. Then we had one together. The one that is giving a hard time is the one I adopted. I never treated anyone differently. I am all of thems father. Alicia is 18 and she feels hurt, I tried to talk to her but she gives me the bums rush. I tried talking to her boyfriend about this. It is just hard. Alicia is my favorite. I know we don't suppose to have favorites but she is. I treat them all the same though. But she is my little princess. I am hurt that she will not talk to me. I have not done anything wrong that I can see.
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Unread 03-10-2008, 08:06 PM   #25
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I guess time heals all wounds. Continue being who you are to them and hopefully they will come around. You can't be good for them if you are not stable yourself. You have no idea what is said when you are not there. I have that problem here. I talk to my children and tell them what is going on but sometimes they get mad at me. Well most of the time they get mad at me. I have been told that that is a good thing becuase they are able to show their true emotions around me. This is the ripple effect. You have to hang on and deal with all the ripples that are going to come your way. You can do this and the children will come around. When my parents were divorced I hated my dad. My mom told me he didn't want to see me. That was all untrue. I had no relationship with my father for almost a year. I was only ten. The older I got the more I realized that my mom had issues also. I am 37 and still confronting her and working through family issues. You hang in there and believe in what you are doing. When they want or need you go to them. Keep putting yourself out there even if it does hurt. They will realize.
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Unread 03-10-2008, 11:24 PM   #26
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Soldier, I definitely agree you need to be strong for your kids. They will come around eventually. Of course it will be hard for them. It's hard for you, isn't it? My best advice I can give is just NOT to say bad things about your wife to your children. Just tell your kids that you loved her, you will always love her, but it's time for you to love yourself. And definitely always tell the kids you love them. They will see the light one of these days, maybe not even for years, but then they will appreciate you for it. She might bad mouth you to the kids, and they might believe it for awhile, but they too will see the light and come to resent her for it. Just keep telling them you love them. No matter what. They might even say hurtful things to you. Just keep telling them you love them. Tell them you will always be there for them, no matter what. Tell them they will always be your number one priority. Even if they get mad at you, tell them you love them. If they get too busy to call 'ol dad, just call and leave a message, say "hi, just wanted to see how things were going with you, I love you" I know it sounds kind of mushy and cheesy, but believe me it works, and one of these days they will appreciate it when they have kids of their own. Believe me. I know it always makes me feel better when my parents call.
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Unread 03-11-2008, 06:06 AM   #27
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Soldier, tonight is first time i found this site looking for answers or advice. Perhaps a lending ear. I only want to say that i will say a prayer to ease your pain. I don't think i have ever endured so much pain, that something like alcoholism could have so much of a hold over someone to totally alienate their children and spouse. I am 39 and have been married 23 years to my high school sweetheart(together 25years), we have five children and it has gotten so bad. I only wish i would have not waited so long to make decisions for the good of myself and kids. Half of my life has been wasted on this man ruining our lives. And yes, I still love him but i can't take it anymore. So to you, i hope you don't make the same mistake as me and i pray for you to have strength and to ease your pain.
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Unread 03-11-2008, 11:03 AM   #28
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Thank you all, yesterday was tough. She flipped. She says I need anger management. You was yelling and crying and banging my car and trying to beak the windows. then she is on the phone for half hour telling me what a piece of s*** I am. She wants to stay seperate but not divorced. She is crazy. She went on a drinking binge and it is my fault. I don't know what to do. I feel so hurt and sad. This is the woman I stuck with for over 17years. When she was sick I stood by her. I made a mistake. I had an affair about 8 years ago. I told her and we got back together. I know I was wrong. But a the time we were talking divorce then. I broke off the affair and stuck with her as she tried to commit suicide and stayed with her. I know I was a piece of crap, but I tried to make things right. Still after all this time she never lets me forget what I did. The affair started with a friend who was listening to me. She made me feel like I mattered. I know it was wrong and I prayed to God for fogiveness and asked her to forgive me. I guess she never did. I am not a saint. I am a man with my own faults. I have tried to make things right. I never deserted my family. I made a mistake.... I live with that guilt now and probaly for ever. I did not want to hurt any one. But this, this is insanity. I tried, God knows I tried. Please don't think that I am a bad person. Some of you I have talked to Please don't judge me for one mistake. I know I did wrong and it eats me every day. I have lived with the guilt for a long time. I do not hide from it or ran away from it. I live it.
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Unread 03-11-2008, 07:47 PM   #29
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I understand. I don't judge you. Things happen and we make mistakes. I have made plenty of mistakes. You can only take so much. It seems as if you acknowledge your mistakes and have tried to move on. She is only trying to blame you. I get the same thing over here. I have been getting closer to one of my friends and it has been nothing but hell over here for me. I tell him I know I have done wrong. I understand how he feels because he has done this to me. There comes a time when there is to much hurt and you need to let go. If it was meant to be it will be. Don't let her beat you up. Last night he was drinking and I could hear him talking to himself about me. Calling me names and other things. I don't deserve that. I walked away and said to myself if that is what he thinks so be it. Keep strong. They usually want to blame you for everything. She doesn't want a divorce but she seems unwilling to do anything different. I think the fear of loosing what you do for her is priority.
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Unread 03-12-2008, 10:59 AM   #30
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I don't know, thanks for making feel better. I know that I did something wrong. She has did things also. I don't hold a grudge. I just wish that she would not talk to people. They just fill her head with crap. She says that she doesn't but I have seen her emails. It doesn't matter. I want to go on. I can't stay married if I am the whipping boy. I do everything I can for the family. Now that I want time for Bob she says I am selfish. I know I should not feel guilty but they have a way of turning things around. I told her and used her line "Don't rent space in my head". She likes things as they are because she has the best of both worlds. I am not going to make it easy for her. I am going to make it easy for me. The kids need to understand. I tried to talk to a couple of my kids. I know they are hurting I am trying that is the best I can do.
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Unread 03-12-2008, 12:33 PM   #31
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Sorry I haven't been on. You have been going thru alot. Your 18 yr old will come around. She is probably hearing things as your wife is not doing the greatest right now. I could be wrong, but it seems like she not only is missing her dad but her mom right now too. And if mom blames everything on a mistake that you made your daughter will sense that. You still have to try, especially because she has no relation w her biological dad. Your wife is being classic right now. Everything I have been reading they have to find aome one to blame...God forbid it be on their sholders that they picked up a drink. Everyone makes mistakes, forgive yourself. You are not the reason that she drinks. I am not the reason that Rick drinks....If I was that important in his life, I would have been the reason he quit. No, This is all about them. I really don't think we figure into it that much. Thye want to drink and they are going to even if it means using us an excuse.

You need to take care of you.

Kim
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Unread 03-12-2008, 02:39 PM   #32
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Your are right. they love the booze or drugs more than the love us. Then when they do find sobrity they are "born again". (Please I am not putting down born again christians) But to me they seem to be the same person just changing one compulsion for another. It this case it is the program. I don't see that she is really doing the program when she acts this way. I think that we (the family of the alcoholic) have to live with the hurt every day. My father was an alcoholic but I am not. I choose not to be. I can take or leave drinking. In a way my dad helped me be a better person. I love my dad and always will. I thank God for showing me the way early. But because of these problems I have a harder time dealing with other things. Sometimes it handicaps me. Sometimes we are just as bad as the addict or drunk. We know what needs to be done and we don't do it. Just like they are powerless so are we. We get ourselves into bad situations and don't realize that we have the power (a higher power) to do what is right. It just comes down to seeing. Sometimes I wonder why... Sometimes we all cry. I hang my head up high praise God. I love the friends I have made on this site. You have been my inspiration, my eye openers, my conscience, my shoulder to cry on, my mentors. I think that the burden gets lighter when you share it with someone else. Thanks for making my burden lighter.
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Unread 03-12-2008, 11:05 PM   #33
SLynn
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As the child of alcoholic and divorced parents, let me say this.

I had feelings of anger towards BOTH of my parents. Whichever one was in front of me or on the phone with me was the one who took the heat. I had so much built up inside of me and felt like I had no safe outlet to let go of my feelings. My friends didn't understand the whole thing (or maybe they did and I didn't know it)and I was ashamed of the alcoholic dysfunction. Granted, I was only nine and ten years old but a mature nine or ten.

I knew my parents loved me but I was angry. It took time to get past that and in the end, I could see through the drama they put us through.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that THEY KNOW. Deep down, they know. Just be there for them and it'll all work out in the end.

SLynn
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Unread 03-13-2008, 12:56 PM   #34
Soldier
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I think you are right. The only thing is that it is the mother with the problem. I think that in reality that they want things back the way they were with out the fighting. I think that they are hurt and worried about the future because they don't know what is going on. So they are scared. I hope that some day that they can forgive me. I know I am not the one that started this. I know that it is partially my fault. I have to live with that. I love them with all my heart. It is just really painful that they can not confide in me or talk to me. I am not the bad guy here. It is there mother. But I know that by me bad mouthing their mother is not the right thing. I am trying not to fight when they are around.
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Unread 03-14-2008, 06:45 AM   #35
hollyrockartist
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hey! you are VERY right in not bad mouthing her in front of the children. if you feel a sudden urge, go outside or to another room. trust me when i tell you that they WILL figure out who is the problem. it may take them longer than you'd like, but they will see it for themselves.

you're an awesome individual!! just a bump in the road, remember?
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Unread 03-14-2008, 11:02 AM   #36
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I am trying today I am tired. I am getting one of the boys for the weekend. I am afraid what to expect went I go there today.
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Unread 03-14-2008, 01:33 PM   #37
rkjmtc
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you will be ok. I know it.

You are strong and can do this.

I am thinking of you, and though I am not much support right now (having a rough time here to) i want to know youaren't alone. And that I have faith in you.

Kim
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Unread 03-14-2008, 03:44 PM   #38
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I know, but just seeing you reply always makes me happy, Believe it. I know I worried about you. Remember we are all here for each other. Or we wouldn't be here. I am glad I had the courage to reply to some of these topics. We are great and strong and warm. I appreciate hearing from you. We need each other to lean on. Somedays I help you and somedays you help me. And other days like today we need each other. So lean on me because I sure as hell always lean on you..
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Unread 03-15-2008, 03:27 AM   #39
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Thank you. I hope your weekend goes great...
I will check in thid weekend.

Kim
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Unread 03-16-2008, 11:01 AM   #40
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I am hoping your weekend is going well. As best as it can. Just wanted to let you know that I went to the Al Anon meeting. I sat the entire time and cried. I could not believe that all these individuals had the same thing in common. It was as if all these other people feel the same way and live the same way. Sometimes you feel like you are so alone. I suggest going. I will go back. I never said a word the hour I was there but it is nice to have that support. I think it is important to surround ourselves with people that share what we experience. This site has been helpful for me and it has been really hard to keep reaching out but trust me when you do it feels good. I don't have a lot of time for all this but I am realizing that I am saving my life and my children's life and that is most important.

I hope things are okay for you. I just wanted to share this experience with you and all our friends that read this.
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Unread 03-17-2008, 11:19 AM   #41
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I known I need a meeting, really bad. This weekend went well. But she was playing games. She was flirting with me. She was trying to manipulate me thru sex, not that we did anything. But she was trying to manipulate my feelings again. Almost fell for it. Well kind of did fall for it. I don't know what she wants. They try to manipulate you any way they can. She knew manipulating thru the kids was not working so she is tryintg another route. But overall was good. Just tired. Sometimes the stress gets to you. Today it is.
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Unread 03-17-2008, 07:59 PM   #42
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I totally get the manipulating. I am starting another circle cycle here. He called me all sorts of names then tried to be nice for a couple of days. I did not bite. He continues to drink and who knows what today will bring for this holiday. Sometimes I feel so abused and used when they do that flirting and all that. It is so hard not to give in. You have been waiting for that love but it is not real. It is usually because they are wanting or needing something. The stress of it is stinky. I am glad to hear your weekend was okay. Remember what is best for you.

You should try a meeting. Have you ever gone? That was the first one. I cried was uncomfortable but later in the day as I reflected on it I was glad I went.
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Unread 03-18-2008, 02:02 AM   #43
rkjmtc
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I understand. At least it was overall good. that is something. This might cheer you up.... I got a phone call today from the other woman. She asked ME out. If I was half way mean I would call my ex and tell him I could steal his girlfriend. It was really bizarre.

I dont miss him anymore. I am ok without him. I amjust lonely and that causes me stress. (not lonely enough to put up w him though)

Tommorrow is a new day. You are going to be fine. And it is actually comforting to me that you still feel for her. Restores my faith that men can love. So I am growing from your insight. Makes this weekend almost positive.

I hope you are doing better. I will check in tommorrow.

Kim
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Unread 03-18-2008, 10:59 AM   #44
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Thanks Kim. I do love her don't know if I could live with her. That is the problem. I glad that you are ok. I worry about all of us. That is wierd that the other woman called. Not sure what that is all about.it could be that she is trying to get info about him, which may be that she is trying to see what the crap was going on with him. I know that it can be lonely. I think that is the reason that we sometimes get into a crappy relationship. We project what we want into a new relationship and do not see the ugliness buried. I hope that you find someone who could care and love you. That is what you deserve. I am always hopeful that we will get back but I am not holding my breath. I am not rushing into anything either. I go out have fun with my friends. I don't think I could ever love again.
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Unread 03-21-2008, 10:47 AM   #45
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just checking in, wondering hoe you are. I hope you have a good weekend.

Kim
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Unread 03-21-2008, 10:55 AM   #46
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I am going over the house for easter. We will see how that goes. I haven't been with them as a family for awhile. We will see how it goes. I will let every one know. But how are you doing? I hope things are going well with you. It is hard isn't it. It is sad that they are so immature. I wish that they would grow up. I hate being the grown up. I hear from her mother how she does everything. But any way I am hoping to have a good weekend. I get my youngest for the weekend and will see the rest of the family on sunday.
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Unread 03-25-2008, 12:22 PM   #47
rkjmtc
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hope your weekend went well. Ours was uneventful. We had a good Easter. I keep getting texts from him, the latest was a simple I'm sorry. It is just too late for that. Other than that, things have sttled down with my son. And life is good here. Let me know how your Easter went.

Kim
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Unread 03-25-2008, 12:50 PM   #48
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I am glad you and your son are doing better. It is tough being a boy in man's body. He feels the pressure of trying to be a man and being afraid. Easter was a bomb. I had dinner with the kids and other one. I tried to ingore her. Then she gets angry because I didn't pay attention. What is wrong with her. She calls me up saying how much she loves me and that I never loved her, etc. I don't know what she is thinking. I told her I don't care. I told her that she is the reason we are in the situation that we are in. I will not take the blame on this one. I refuse. I don't want to fall in the trap. This is what happens she says she is sorry that she loves me, plays me like a fiddle and I like an idiot will run back praying things get better and then pow I get hit in the head. Last night she calls me constantly I am a little depressed and sad. I love her. It hurts so much. But I don't want to go back to the old game. I am to tired. I am too old. I feel my age today. Usually I have been very happy. But I am back to grinding my teeth when I sleep. I haven't done that since she threw me out. I haven't felt this way for a long time. I hate this damn roller coaster. Sorry I am rambling again. But you guys are the only ones that I have to talk about this. Losing my mind.
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Unread 03-31-2008, 10:59 AM   #49
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A little lonely this weekend. But she called my today telling about how bad her family is treating her. I like a nice guy listen. Then at the end she tells me how she is admitting the things that she did wrong and then she turns it all on me and says that I am not accepting the things that I did wrong. You know "wrong". I have done things but this situation is all on her not me. I am so frustrated. I am now not taking her phone calls today. She says that I need to grow up. Funny.
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