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Unread 11-02-2015, 03:33 PM   #1
gobluesgo
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Default How to help someone quit when you are freshly sober?

Hello everyone,
So my cousin lives with me now and will be starting his taper then quitting. I'm recently sober and not sure if I can be around it but at same time I want to help him. I don't know what to do because I feel like being around someone else who is using will make me want to cave in. We were supposed to have quit together and come to find out he slipped up but just never told me out of guilt. What would you recommend? How can you be there for someone that wants to quit when you are still freshly sober yourself? I just don't know what to do, I know how bad it is and I know that I can help since I can relate.
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Unread 11-03-2015, 06:16 AM   #2
NancyB
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Hi gobluesgo, welcome. If I may ask, what is your cousin tapering from? If it's from bupe, is he really ready to quit - especially since he just slipped up?

In any event, think about putting together an agreement with boundaries that have consequences that you can go through with. Like he has to go to X meetings a week; no drugs in the house or he has to leave; things like that. It's great that you want to help him, but your sobriety should come before everything else. By the way, congratulations to you!

Nancy
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Unread 04-05-2016, 04:22 AM   #3
brianbreaz
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Its really hard to help someone when you are freshly sober especially if the other person isn't 100% ready to quit. I'd keep your distance because its not worth pulling yourself back into your addiction. With that being said you can still help from a distance. Offer to attend meetings together or maybe even find someone like a mentor that is more comfortable being around addicts to try and help him. Even just calling him a couple times a week and checking in on him helps.

And since he is living with you... I just want to say don't let your guard down and prepare for the worst. You need to have every possible situation broken down in your head with procedure on how to handle it. For instance, he borrows a pair of shorts and when you get them back you find drugs in the pocket. If you have the slightest doubt he is using you should be able to ask without any kind of argument. If you don't feel 100% comfortable about the situation, he needs to go.

I kind of went through a similar situation a while back. I know when you are clean you feel like you can help but it really only comes down to how serious they are about getting clean. Another thing is I would make sure he understands that this is his last chance for him to receive your help and if he messes up you have to let him figure it out on his own. A 2nd chance turns into a 3rd chance and it will never end.
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Unread 04-06-2016, 08:33 AM   #4
Dan458
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Put him in touch with someone who is sober a lot longer than yourself..GL.
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