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Unread 11-30-2012, 08:30 AM   #1
confused1959
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Good Morning...Well my husband was laid off from his job..and since the house we live in is available only if he works for the boss we now have to move. We have to be out by Dec 26. No warning went into work one morning & was laid off. no preparation to save up any money to move or rent another place. That means there will be no Christmas gifts from us to anyone. lovely. I have applied for all "help" I can & looking for a place. I know we will figure something out & be ok but I just get so tired of losing all the time. going to have a huge garage sale to downsize. liquidate some stuff. Just having a rough time right now. My A seems relieved to be getting away from this job. I think I am going to get him to have his knees replaced. later...
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Unread 11-30-2012, 10:22 AM   #2
CarlyO
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Dear Confused,
I am so sorry to read this, no warning and the boss is making the family move the day after Christmas, sounds like Scrooge to me. Does husb qualify for benefits? Is there family nearby you could stay with at least while you search.
When you apply for services get the letter from the boss that says you have to be out, apply as an emergency case, which it is. I hope you find a worker who will go the extra mile for you, they are swamped esp this time of year. there are also programs especially for the kids. It has been a while since I worked at an agency but I posted the services I could think of now. Will post more if I think of more. Just keep calling around. Husb must feel defeated but you mentioned husb is relieved to be away from job, make sure he does does his part, also you will need his paperwork to apply for services.
I hope you find a place soon, ideally to be settled so the kids can enjoy their holiday. Keep us posted and take care, Carly

Family and Children Services : Apply for emergency services , including health care
Section 8, Housing Authority- emergency housing
Local agencies, Churches
211 should be able to connect you to programs, especially for the holidays :
http://www.211us.org/about.htm

Churches helped many clients I worked with and you never know there could be a kind soul who has a rental property that is willing to help you out.
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Unread 11-30-2012, 11:37 AM   #3
1418
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Out the day after Xmas? That just seems so heartless. I wonder, if you told the boss everything you are trying to do to get out by 12/26, if he would let you stay through 12/31... It may be worth a try.

I am so sorry. I wish I could help you. Keep pushing. You can do this!
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Unread 11-30-2012, 12:43 PM   #4
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I don't know about the laws there, but here you are required to give a 30 day notice, the letter has to be dated and signed, I'm sure he has tried to take some short cuts, so I would use that to your advantage and that means you have atleast till the 29th.

What a bastard..... I'm so sorry for you and your family, I know
things will get better and if I could help in anyway I would in a heartbeat.

Gl
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Unread 11-30-2012, 01:28 PM   #5
R. Lee
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confused, Try & keep positive. There must be unemployment benifits available.
It is a bad time of year for this to happen. Sit back let it soak in & look at your options.
Could your husban's drinking & attitude contributed to his being laid off?
I feel for you & your family.

Last edited by R. Lee; 11-30-2012 at 01:36 PM..
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Unread 12-01-2012, 07:53 PM   #6
confused1959
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Well guys we have applied for unemployment, food stamps, and section 8 housing. My husb talked with his boss & we are not going to "have to " be out by 12/26. we will look for jobs & new home but will not be rushed to do so. Thank goodness. I so appeciate all your input & help. Just having another rough time right now. My A is passed out & I have a little peace right now. another blessing? I will try & be positive & do my best it is all anyone can do...once again..Thank-You
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Unread 12-01-2012, 09:21 PM   #7
CarlyO
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Dear Confused,
Thank Goodness you do not have to be rushed out the day after the holidays, you are taking positive action though I hope he is helping with all that needs to be done. I was wondering also if his alcohol misuse was a factor.Just because he needs a letter of recommendation, it helps understand where he is in his disease.
Either way, he may feel defeated, down, his alcohol intake may increase as loss of a job affects our psyche, it can be so emotional for many so intake can increase in order to cope. I pray he can pull himself together, has the desire to seek help for his disease, then start fresh with a new job.
For now, take care of you and the kids, try not to become overwhelmed, it is scary no doubt, I remember when the recession first hit, husb lost job and going to the dark place of what ifs, I was so fearful, but things eventually got better. Take each day at a time and do what you can, seek services, I do believe there are many helpful people out there, imo- no shame in asking for a helping hand because most of us have been there at some point
Hang in there and keep us posted, take care, Carly
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Unread 12-01-2012, 09:46 PM   #8
R. Lee
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confused, I'm glad that you don't have to be out of the house right after Christmas. My best to you & your family.
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Unread 12-06-2012, 07:00 AM   #9
confused1959
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Morning All..Well, I have been working steady this week. My husb has been hanging out at the house. drunk by noon & napping till 5 pm.Guess it is time to pull myself together & take care of us all. I am trying to secure a good job that will have benefits. I told him I was going to wheel him into the local charity hosp & have him get his knees replaced. that will take care of his 1 st excuse for drinking. LOL Then when I have him in there I am gona pull the Dr. to the side & let them know he is an A. Fix him! It is worth a try! If he gets angry well he will have to get over it. Ya know I have been so mad about the fact that NEVER have my needs been met. I am looked upon as a hinderance. If he only knew I am prob the only reason why he is not in jail or dead. He cant see the forest for the trees. I am not happy with him cause I feel like he did something to get laid off. He swears he dont drink while at work but at this point who knows. So I am just taking one day at a time & doing my best. It is all I can do.
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Unread 12-06-2012, 10:40 AM   #10
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I am so glad you are taking steps and looking into assistance for you and your kids. I hope that makes you feel empowered. Taking the steps required to secure a better life is a HUGE accomplishment in my opinion.

I don't think your hubby is going to appreciate you until he decides to get sober. At least, that is what I found in my case. My ex husband recently told me (texted me) that our son is lucky to have me for a mom. We have been divorced for 3+ years.

Please don't look to your hubby for validation or for appreciation. I am very confident he will disappoint you each and every time. Instead, please look at what YOU are doing. You are amazing! Working, looking for a job with benefits, applying for housing assistance, etc. You are making things happen. I hope you are proud of yourself. That takes a great deal of strength.

You are amazing. Just keep repeating that to yourself please. I hope you consider using that as your mantra. You are strong, responsible, and amazing.
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Unread 12-06-2012, 02:28 PM   #11
R. Lee
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confused, Yes you are holding down the fort. Everything is on your plate.

(Hint) A doctor can't fix him.
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Unread 12-07-2012, 07:49 AM   #12
confused1959
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Good Morning..Thank you all for your support! It means so much. Last night he got mad at me cause I was upset that he was home all day & did not accomplish anything. ie..dishes. I worked all day & thought he should have done them. So there goes his excuse to drink & he did..Then he started on me about trying to take over & over ride the "Man" of the house. Said I was trying to lead when I should be taking orders from him..Said I was going against God when I try to lead the family. LOL!! Somebody has got to. Right? He is so sad at times. I told him that God made woman out of Adam's side,,to walk beside & help Not from his head to lead & not from his butt to follow.. The conversation was over. LOL I do feel empowered but it just gets so tiring at times. I have been the glue for so long. Soon we will be married for 31 years. a lifetime of drunkeness. what a waste... I guess I can take heart in the fact that I have upheld my part of the bargan.fufilled my obligations. till later take care & Thank you again...
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Unread 12-07-2012, 02:37 PM   #13
R. Lee
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confused, You have choices.
Your drunk husband will contine to act like this until he wants to get sober for himaself.
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Unread 12-07-2012, 04:33 PM   #14
CarlyO
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Dear Confused,
Good points from the feedback, imo. I do not know of any surgeon who will do a surgery on someone until they are completely sober due to complications (I am no medical doctor but no-MD would take that risk).
Do you think you have choices - as in what is HE contributing? I understand the emotional ties are strong, but if you are doing all the work to take care of you and family , is there any point you will say enough? If you are at work, can you leave him with kids? Are you trying to make it through the holidays?
If you come across a worker that you feel comfortable with, you can ask them for help, guidance, or a referral.
Hang in there, I believe you are much stronger than you may realize, my hat is off to you! Hang in there,
Take care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 12-08-2012, 07:07 AM   #15
confused1959
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Good Morning..I appreciate all your encouragements. It means I am not alone in this struggle. I understand that I do have choices. But I feel like I can not abandon him. I am strong and I have options. But I feel it would be more tramatic for our grown kids to have their Dad just wallowing around "out there" alone. At least when he is with me he has some semblench of a life. And that is a sacrafice I am willing to make. I feel like he does not have long to be with us as he is showing signs of stomach, mind, & other health complications from this alcoholism. I know it sounds crazy. He is dissassociated with his entire family now. Father, brother, etc. It is a hard reality for us all. But one that is enevitable. IMO And there is where I get confused. The battle between what is best for the family & what is best in my own interests. I think that one day I willl be able to achieve personal satisfaction. And I will know that I did everything humanly possible to help my husband. And that he refused the help.. I have a very strong sense of commitment. And that is what confines me.
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Unread 12-08-2012, 09:13 PM   #16
R. Lee
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confussed, I support you 100%. May he find his way.
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Unread 12-08-2012, 11:52 PM   #17
CarlyO
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Dear Confused,
You are doing your best, I hope and pray that you can be at peace with whatever choices you make, sometimes that is the best we can ask for. Please always remember if it gets too much to seek out support/professional help for yourself and children. Through all of this take time for you, be well, take care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 12-09-2012, 04:59 PM   #18
confused1959
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Thank-You Carlyo..I am going to check into a christian counseling center. they base the fee on your income. I think if I had a face to face with a professional about everything I could hash it all out & be more goal oriented. I got up the other day & realised I have no dreams, hopes, or goals. That was devasting to me as a person. I have always been adhd & ideas & plans just zinged thru my head . Now it is just kinda numb. So I guess it is time to sort out a few things to get back to who I am. take care..
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Unread 12-13-2012, 10:04 PM   #19
CarlyO
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Dear Confused,
Just wanted to check on you and yes, what you posted it sounds like you lost yourself and that can happen while one is busy dealing with a loved one's disease. Work on you and find your way back to You! Good luck and we're here for you, take good care, Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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