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Unread 11-24-2007, 07:14 PM   #1
mac
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Default emotional rollercoaster

Does anyone else ever feel as if they're on a rollercoaster? When I first meet my husband he only had a few beers at night. He never did anything to complain about. It started with just staying out late or not coming home. When I complained then he didn't go out as much - he would just stay home and drink. It seemed like they were more good times then bad and it was easy to ignore the drinking. I think I really believed him - he didn't have a drinking problem. He could go days with out it couldn't he? He never missed work and no longer got pulled over. It was already bad by the time I "woke" up. Now I wonder if I can even expect him to change when I've excepted it for so long? Now the good times are getting less and less. I too cringe at the sound of beer opening. Then there will be a few good days and once again I trap myself into the whole it'll get better idea. Of course it hasn't. Now I don't even enjoy the good times as much. I know to well its just a matter of time for a bad day. Its already been great to see others that are and have gone though this. I hope I can find the help and strength I need to change here. I think I need to change my thinking about it being fixable and my fault before I can find the strength I need to stand up to him.
Thanks all for "listening"
If nothing else its just nice to dump everything here. Even if its just for alittle while of peace.
-m-
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Unread 11-24-2007, 07:37 PM   #2
SLynn
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mac

I think if you've read any amount on this forum, you've seen that almost all the people here are on a rollercoaster. It's nice to have people to identify with but so very sad when you realize just how many families live with this life.

As for you, I feel you need to find an outlet to talk with someone. Perhaps one on one therapy or a group. If you are like most here, this is a secret part of your life and it becomes such a weight. Talking about it is helpful. This site is a great place to start but perhaps you need someone of your own. I don't suggest this in hopes that you will learn to live with him this way. I only suggest it as a means for you to understand what is going on with him and yourself so you can deal with it with some better tools.

You can't fix him. He will do what he wants. If he is an alcoholic, then the alcohol is making the decisions for him. It's a miserable life for the drinker and the one's who love them.

I know you are tired, disappointed and tired of being disappointed, but there is hope if he wants help. There is help for you if you want it, too. Do you have children?

Stacey
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Unread 11-24-2007, 08:37 PM   #3
Sarah24
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hi mac...just to let you know i feel like i'm on a roller coaster and i don't even like amusement parks! I hope that this site helps you...I'm new here...just started reading and writing a little bit this week and i've found it to be helpful. I haven't talked to anyone in my life about this stuff and its nice just to hear other people agree with you or give their opinions or thoughts how ways to better a situation. I hope this place helps you.
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Unread 11-25-2007, 01:44 AM   #4
Jillian
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Hi Mac,
I must be on the car right behind you in the roller coaster! I asked my husband to leave over 5 years ago. We are only separated not divorced. Over the years I have gotten my hopes up thinking that we could get back together, then the reality of his drinking would rear its ugly head again and I would say that it is over. Several months he started going to a therapist and has made a lot of progress. I felt that since he was actually seeking help I needed to be supportive and encouraging. He is so nice and charming during the day when he is not drinking. But then at night if I talk to him he is a different person. Tonight I called to discuss arrangements to move our son back in state after college graduation. He was argumentative, speech was slurred and he would ramble on and on and not make any sense. I hung up the phone and cried. I have read and read about alcoholism, but I cannot understand how someone can give up their family for a bottle. As long as I continue to hope for him to get better I will continue to ride "the rollercoaster". The day I finally get the strength to say my final good bye, the ride will be over.
Your husband's drinking is NOT your fault and you will not be able to "fix" him. Good luck and be strong!
Jill
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Unread 11-25-2007, 02:01 AM   #5
babs0129
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MAC, It really is a roller coaster ride! Only not the kind you get a thrill from, just the kind you can't wait get off of. It does feel better to know that you're not alone, and then the reality hits you, that it is so sad so many people are living this same life. I guess if they weren't good guys sober, then none of us would be on this ride. We would pull the emergency exit and get the heck off. Hopefully by having this forum to express our thoughts, we can begin a healing process that gives us the knowledge and courage to make things a little less "up and down."
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Unread 11-25-2007, 11:33 AM   #6
SLynn
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Looks like the ride is full!

I'm not making light of anyones situation, but it's funny that an analogy can just fit so well.

It makes me happy to see that so many are finding help amongst each other.

Stacey
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Unread 11-27-2007, 01:14 AM   #7
mac
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It's nice to get on here and feel like you atleast have something in common with someone else. There's been so many times that I have felt alienated because theres no one to talk to. Or worse - your embarassed to tell anyone. My husband seems to be tring right now. He's only had 1 or 2 beers a night and none tonight. I feel alittle guilty because I no longer get my hopes up. I feel like I'm waiting for the only shoe to drop. Why do we suffer so much when we're not the ones with the alcohol problem? Why do I feel guilty and embarrassed when generally he doesn't even seem bothered. As long as he has his beer the worlds great to him. I wish there was easy answers to all this rambling. Anyway - just needed to get this off my chest.
-m-
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