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Unread 11-24-2007, 02:57 AM   #1
Shikara
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Default Advice needed

Hey there I am a new member here and am hoping I can get some advice. I have learned that my boyfriend is a binge drinker. When we first met he said he hasnt drank in a few years. well i learned differently.

I was supposed to drive him to work and he called me and told me his brother was going to drive him in. He said he would call me when he was getting off work for me to pick him up. I never heard from him around the time he was supposed to be off work so I thought he was taking the bus. But something didnt feel right. I knew something was up I just didnt know what it was. Well at about 1:30 am tuesday morning I get a call from him telling me he needs me with him right away and when i get there not to judge him because he is drunk. Well I went to him. He was passed out in the bed asleep when I got there and that was that for the next few hours. I never saw him like this and i was like wow, he looks soooo different. well a few hours later when he was starting to sober up slightly he started running his mouth because he thought I dumped out the rest of his alcohol. I told him that i was going to call the cops, He kept running his mouth so i called them. they found him about 20 minutes later walking down the major highway in front of the hotel. His sister and I went back to the hotel room looking for him and then called the police department and found out they brought him to the hospital. We went there to check on him and they were discharging him when we got there. But he was still drunk. We brought him home and he wanted to get food so him and i went to eat. At a red light he jumped out of my car and we found him a little while later at the bar. I brought him back home and got him into bed nad he started his crap again, fell down the steps and started running his mouth. His mother called the cops and he went back to the same hospital he was released from about 2 hours before. They released him again like 4 hours later without checking his alcohol level or anything and he was released still drunk. We went to the diner to finally get food and he started drinking at the diner so I went to the car and made him think i left. He came outside looking for me and then went back inside the diner. When he didnt come back out i went in to make sure everything was ok and he was passed out on the floor. I found out he had like 11 shots of vodka in a 40 minute period. He was brought to a different hospital this time because I wasnt going to let him go to where he was released twice earlier that day. When they brought him in he was combative and very aggitated so I just gave the hospital the info and then left. They kept him over night and then sent him back to the same hospital that released him the day before. I was like what the hell. Well he was released again and even though they knew I was waiting for him they let him go without calling me to come get him. He called me yet again drunk saying he was ready to come home and not drink anymore. Well I brought him to a hotel where i stayed with him to sober up and once again he got out of control. The cops were called and he was arrested on a warrant. I bailed him out and we continued on with sobering him up for thanksgiving.the next morning He said he wanted to go to a hospital that has detox so I said ok. I drove him to another hospital about 40 minutes away and as soon as I left he took off. He once again called me and i went to get him. He was picked up by an ambulance before I could even get there. I went to the hospital and spent all day thanksgiving with him there sitting by his bedside because he didnt want me to leave. That was until he started sobering up and was running his mouth again. So i left. about 5 minutes later his mom calls saying they called and they are releasing him. I turned around to go get him. as soon as he was out of the hospital he wanted to drink again. I stopped at a light and he got out and said I will be right back. I told him i was leaving if he gets out of the car. There was a liquor store rright on the corner that he walked into and I left. We got a phone call that he was on a bus to come home. he wanted me to drive and get him from the bus station and this time i refused. About 2 hours later we get a call from a local hospital saying he was brought in there by the ambulance and he was ok just drunk. Well he spent last night there and this morning was released at about 930am. He called about 2 hours later and sounded completely sober asking to come home. We thought he was serious this time and I went to get him. when i walked into where i was meeting his he was passed out drunk again on a table. I called 911 to come back and get him. I spent all day with him once again in the hospital. They are keeping him at least until tomorrow morning when i will have to go pick him up because they wont release him without me or a family member present.

I hope this is it. I dont know how much longer I can do tthis. I am sooo tired and worried about him. I have bearely eaten all week, barley slept all week. I dont know what to do with him anymore. PLease any advice ont his would be awesome.
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Unread 11-24-2007, 10:59 AM   #2
Leenie
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Shikara,

You are only his girlfriend. He is not your responsibility. Let his family take care of him. He will not stop drinking and he may eventually hurt you. Tell his family they need to get him some help. Let them be the ones to be called when he needs to be picked up.

Because of him your Thanksgiving was ruined. Where was his family during all this?????????

He needs to see that you will not be there everytime he does this. Break off this relationship now before you really are stuck in this HE!!.

It will be extremely hard to do but you must put yourself before his needs. If you stick with him your life will be miserable from here on out. You surely do not want to have a family with him in the future if he continues this way.

He will try to make you beleive you are the cause of his drinking. NO you are not. That is a classic alcoholic ploy. If you live with him go to a family member or friends house and stay. Figure out what you want to do. You can still be supportive but you must put yourself 1st.

Go to counseling and get help. There are people out there who will support you. This is one group that is there for you. Keep posting and read everone's story. You will be amazed what can happen to someone when alcohol takes over their life.

Good Luck
Leenie
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Unread 11-24-2007, 07:25 PM   #3
Shikara
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thank you sooo much. I picked him up this morning and he bolted from the car again and then called me about an hour later. I am refusing form now on to pick him up anywhere. I am sick and tired of this bull sh*t.
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Unread 11-24-2007, 08:03 PM   #4
Sarah24
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WOW Shikara...That sounds like a week full of surprise and turmoil. Has anything like this ever happened before? Or was this completely out of the blue? I can really relate to having a boyfriend with a drinking problem...its hard and it can be a little weird because you aren't married you aren't his immediate family, but you still really care about him and its hard to see someone that care and love hurting. You must be really upset, especially if he suddenly did this out of the blue. hang in there...i hope things get better for you.
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Unread 11-24-2007, 08:22 PM   #5
SLynn
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Shikara

The hardest lesson to learn is that you can't fix him. No matter what. You can't love him enough to make him stop and he won't love you more than he does the alcohol. He needs to want it for himself. He can say he wants it, but until he walks the walk (and for some time) you need to save yourself.

I know you love him and feel like you are abandoning him, but he has already abandoned you, in my opinion. He is on a path of destruction and don't go along for the ride if you don't have to. Let him know that you will be there for him on the other side, but this is something he has to do on his own.

How long have you been together?

Stacey
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Unread 11-24-2007, 09:18 PM   #6
supershonna
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Hi Shikara - You are not alone in this. I had a boyfriend years ago who sounds exactly like your boyfriend. I think they must have been twins. It is very difficult. I remember him not having a driver's license because of DWI issues and always at the bar. They really feel that you OWE them and that you need to be there for them no matter what. I remember waiting for my boyfriend after he got done with an out of town roofing job. He was supposed to be there Friday night - I was sick with worry all weekend and he finally called Sunday night. I had sat in my room all weekend and the one time I left, that is when he called. He told me that I shouldn't have left so I could have picked up his call. What a self-centered loser. Seems like the same guy you have. You need to walk away now. It's hard but you feel like a weight has lifted from your body. You continue to worry about him but you need to go on with your life. He chose his path - now you need to choose yours. You seem to be a very strong person so use that inner strength and show yourself that you are worth it.
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Unread 11-25-2007, 03:49 PM   #7
Sarah24
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Hi Shikara...i just wanted to drop you a line and say hi and see how things are going for you.

-Sarah-
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