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Unread 02-23-2015, 01:21 PM   #201
Eliza12
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Hi OTB,

Hey, not so fast! You made a mistake, which we all do at times, it was unintentional and you've apologized for it. Be sure to read Sam's note to you on Deanna's thread. We all need support, and you are as entitled to be here as any of us.

How are you feeling, being back at work? It sounds like you have a pretty grueling day, what with the long commute and finance work. You have done so well, but are still early in recovery. So it can be important to have a connection to people who have gone through similar things.

Anyway, we appreciate you and your contributions. Don't let one mistake drive you away!

Best,
Elizabeth
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Unread 02-23-2015, 02:01 PM   #202
NancyB
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Hi Oxytarginbup#1, ditto what Elizabeth said. There is no need to leave - we all make mistakes. As you said it was unintentional - I can't see you as ever doing anything like that intentionally. You explained, apologized and most of all nothing was meant to harm anyone else.

Happy belated birthday to your son! Sounds like quite the party.
I think you joining a band will be good for you - a nice departure from your cut throat work environment. It will probably bring a nice balance between work to just being able to have some fun in the band.

I'll just say, I wish you'd reconsider and not leave. But I will respect your decision whatever it may be.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 03-20-2015, 12:58 PM   #203
Oxytarginbup#1
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Hello y'all! Just an update, work was a super struggle at first, and I suffered hot flashes for almost 2 months post Oxy, here is the good news!

I feel close to "normal" now, yup, I still have moments where I feel discouraged by everything, but now I play guitar with an accomplished group and they dig what I play, and they are shocked to hear I feel little about it and that I'm going through the motions, so they actually try and find riffs and grooves to inspire me.

I'm super lucky to be able to be surrounded by creative people that challenge me to get emotional about a tactile ability, and it has worked!

I walked past a bar the other day and saw a guitar just resting stage left and a band member gave me the eyes, meaning he motioned with his eyes to get on stage and play, I did, and I didn't leave until my fingers were literally bleeding.

No kidding, I would have kept playing by using crazy glue on the cut but I had none.

Also, all of a sudden I'm not just getting job offers, I'm getting partnership offers, meaning being a co owner of an enterprise.

3 months ago I couldn't leave the house for fear of WD, now I'm a reasonably hot commodity in my profession, but most importantly, the instant my son wakes up I can hear him excitedly chanting "daddy" because I'm apparently much more fun to play with in the early morning than I used to be.

All in all, I still disagree that the brain can't make a full chemical recovery from opiates, I think it's the opposite, I think the drug brings you to a fake bliss, and if you are focused, when you quit you can develop insight to what bliss is and work your ass off to find it naturally, ultimately the journey to find bliss is more rewarding that the fake bliss the pill gives.

Nancy, Elizabeth, thank you again for the support, I haven't checked on the status of my last post because I needed to see how I would do without support, it's been fine but I miss you guys so I'm back to update. I would NEVER have gotten here without you guys, it's a very true reality! You guys rock!

Keep on truckin' y'all, it gets so much better after 2 months!
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Unread 03-20-2015, 05:28 PM   #204
Eliza12
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Hey OTB,

Good to hear from you! We missed you. It's great to hear how much better your life us, both in business and your personal life. I'll bet your son does think you are much more fun! Playing music gives you a creative outlet that is good for your endorphins.

"All in all, I still disagree that the brain can't make a full chemical recovery from opiates, I think it's the opposite, I think the drug brings you to a fake bliss, and if you are focused, when you quit you can develop insight to what bliss is and work your ass off to find it naturally, ultimately the journey to find bliss is more rewarding that the fake bliss the pill gives."

I like what you said, I too believe that the brain heals itself. Doesn't mean we can let our guard down as far as drugs go, but I think we can be even better than before. Having gone through addiction can make you really grateful for recovery.

Keep enjoying every day and congratulations on continuing to improve your life.

Keep in touch!

Best,
Elizabeth
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Unread 03-20-2015, 09:37 PM   #205
NancyB
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Hi Oxytarginbup#1, how great to hear from you! I think you feel more normal than you may realize. I think that we all have moments of discouragement or 'what's the point' type thoughts, especially when overwhelmed or even just tired.

It sounds like life is treating you good - and you are treating you good. It's crazy how much it has changed in such a short amount of time. Playing in band, getting not job offers, but partnership offers. You are certainly in demand! But the best being in demand is from your son and his 'daddy' chant! That has to just melt your heart with joy.

Like Elizabeth, I agree with your thoughts about a full chemical recovery. Granted, I believe that there may be some for whom their brain chemistry may have suffered some damage, but I think there's way more people who have and will make a full recovery and find that real bliss.

Any time you have time, I'd love to hear how things are going. Miss 'seeing' you around!

I think it's you who rocks! Now both literally and figuratively since you're in a band.

Nancy
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Unread 03-22-2015, 08:30 AM   #206
deanna
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Hey Oxy....Im glad you are back. Im not sure if you read my post to you in my thread, but please scroll back and find it.
Congratulations on doing such a great job, its great to see someone happy and thriving.
take care. Deanna
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Unread 03-24-2015, 11:13 AM   #207
Oxytarginbup#1
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Thank you Nancy, Elizabeth, and Deanna, I am having what seems like 30 hour days packed into 24 hours, I did mean to come back to the site earlier, but I sort of promised myself to not do it with a mobile in traffic, too restrictive to participate properly.

To Deanna, you might take strength from Stevie Ray Vaugan's, life story, he was a famous modern era blues musician that kicked a bad alcohol habit, lived to sing about it in his music (life by the drop) reconcile with family and friend, and then have a tragic helicopter accident getting shuttled to his next gig. So tragic! His brother said the tragedy only makes the memory of his accomplishments resonate more so, and he wasn't talking about his music, he was talking about getting off the bottle and reconciling with his family, that's the accomplishment his brother remembers best and holds close to his heart.

I find the best thing we can do to honour the memory of our loved ones is to be kind and loving towards others, and of course ourselves.

Peace be with all of you, and again I owe most of my new found success to the amazing infrastructure of support this site has provided.
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Unread 03-29-2015, 08:58 AM   #208
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Unread 01-01-2016, 08:13 PM   #209
Oxytarginbup#1
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Thought I would come back just to punctuate the overall experience after a year. I noticed last year when I tapered/quit, the more helpful parts of this site post kick was the status update and/or progress people would submit. Absolutely pivotal for my success in quiting were the other success stories. Usually people would just disappear and it was hard to tell if they were successful, or relapsed.

Well, it's been basically a years since I started my taper, and 11 months since I quit. I have not had a single opiate or benzo relapse. Some notables. It took about 6 solid months before I realized opiates were no longer a daily or weekly thought. The talk that maybe you never really get over it, well, I would say I'm back to normal but im sure I will never be able to use opiates even medically again.

Another point of interest was when I thought I was through the woods, I would go out to have drinks socially. There is no such thing it seems and was a bad idea for me as I would drink to point of inebriation. This happened a few times but the hangovers were insufferable, I tried marijuana a few times but found one puff was too much and undesirably, so it's seems back to "normal" is a subjective viewpoint. For all the fascination I had for DMT, I never did actually seek out the use of a hallucinogen. It still bares a fascination with me but only as a medical curiosity ie how some governments are now researching/using it and MDMA for PTSD.

I don't have PTSD so I can't really advocate with good conscience. Last thing of note is for anybody that is kicking opiates, but are also taking benzos. Re reading some posts I realized that the withdrawal from the benzos was a factor but really hard to distinguish from the shorter physical wd of the opiates. The depression lasted months. If I had to do it all over again I would have tapered the benzos first over a month even though I was only on 10-20 mg's a day. It was a negative factor.

This was my first holiday season in 3 years that I didn't drink or do any pharma drugs. What filled the void? Several vintage guitars, instead of getting high, I play and record. A passion, hobby, or fascination makes all the difference.
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Unread 01-02-2016, 08:07 AM   #210
NancyB
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Hi Oxytarginbup#1, congratulations on 11 months and your first holiday season! Vintage guitars? Do tell.

It seems like the whole process was definitely a learning experience for you. It's especially good that you quickly learned that you don't really have an 'off' switch once you have one drink. That's huge, as you're avoiding a new set of problems by abstaining.

I was so glad to see you check back! More than that, happy to know you are doing well!

I hope 2016 is a fabulous year for you!

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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