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Unread 02-09-2017, 03:49 PM   #1
benn11
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Posts: 118
Default Looking for any help/advice

Hi,
I had been on suboxone for almost 3 years, before which I was on methadone for 2 years, and Suboxone for approx 2 years prior to that. Recently I made some horrible choices I am extremely ashamed about, and I am now facing legal issues along with many other things. Long story short, I took a blank prescription off of my most current suboxone doctors prescription pad, wrote a fraudulent prescription for a headache medication called Fioricet. I am aware how stupid and terrible these actions were, and I hate myself for doing it. I don't know what is wrong with me, I had a concussion back in October (and for years I have struggled with chronic migraines and tension headaches) and I have not been able to find any relief from them. I drink plenty of water, do yoga, stretches, have been working on my diet, ibuprofen, tylenol, excedrin, and after urgent care, the ER, and a follow up appointment, the only prescription treatment I received was Voltaren Gel (Diclofenac). I have had Fioricet before and it helped better than anything else or any narcotic I'd ever taken. I am currently on propranolol daily, and have tried topomax, depakote, imitrex, sumatriptan, and a few others I can't remember. I am not able to take sumatriptan or anything like it due to the anti depressants I am on, since every time I have had symptoms that point to serotonin syndrome. I know that Fioricet contains butalbital which is a barbiturate, so I understand the reasoning of no doctor wanting to prescribe it to an addict. However, I am truly worried something is wrong with me because they seem to get worse and worse, and every doctor I saw I was honest and upfront with and begged for ANY treatment ideas they had. I know this in no way whatsoever justifies what I did.
Anyways, I wrote a letter to my doctor admitting everything to him and asked what he would like me to do from there, as I wanted to go about things as respectively as I could. We had a good relationship, and he was one of my favorite doctors Ive ever seen, which makes me cringe even more to think of how I took advantage of his trust. When I went in to see him he was kind and forgiving, but informed me that the company that owns the clinic he works for had wanted me to be immediately terminated from any services provided, though he was able to work some things out leaving me with one option. I am no longer allowed to be treated with Suboxone there, but he said I could get on their methadone program. I am not sure what is going to happen with me, and although I have put my name on some waiting lists for both suboxone providers that accept medicaid, and inpatient treatment centers hoping for the best, I know that jail time is a very likely scenario. I apologize if this is scattered, under the wrong section, or just plain inappropriate-and if it is please let me know-but I have never been so lost, scared, and depressed in all my life.
So recently I stopped taking Suboxone (although I have 4 left if needed), and ended up deciding to accept the methadone treatment. However I have made a very strict plan and made it clear to my doctor that I do not want to go over 40mg, and that I want to have tapered off within 1 month or less. I have been doing a lot of research regarding dosage, timelines, schedules for methadone detoxification as opposed to maintenance. So I am on my third day of methadone and wonder whether or not I made the right choice. I cannot drive, and all of the suboxone doctors that accept medicaid near me are full, although I am on waiting lists. I have been searching for inpatient treatment centers, bu
t even if I find one that is covered under medicaid or somehow free, it has to be ok'd by the courts and my probation officer, and from what my probation officer has told me they are very picky. I thought I would never go back on methadone, but 4-5 days into suboxone withdrawal I took some percocet I had found out of desperation. Not only had it been over 2 years since Id taken an opiate (other than suboxone), but I am also on court ordered drug testing, and obviously cannot afford to have any dirty drug screens. I went about 5 more days before I finally caved and signed up for the methadone program. I thought at least this way I will be able to function ok and make it to everything required by the court, give me somewhat of a safety net even if its just short term, and to be able to detox through a methadone taper, as opposed to jail or on my own with no support. If anyone has any advice, input, ideas, or resources etc. I would really appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I apologize for such a long post.
-Ben
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Unread 02-09-2017, 05:33 PM   #2
NancyB
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Hi Ben, I'm so sorry to hear everything that you're going through. It sounds like you did the right thing by apologizing to your doctor and that he was kind and forgiving. Can you ask your probation officer for a list of in-patient rehabs that the courts would approve? That might help you in your search instead of having to go through all the searching and not even know if you can go. Have you called medicaid to see if they can help you find something that they cover?

Do you know when you'll find out if you do have to go to jail? That also could help shape your treatment plan.

Sorry I'm not much help. Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 02-09-2017, 06:55 PM   #3
Sam Bailey
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Hello Benn,

It might just be me, but I don't totally understand how it happened that the police got involved. Not that it matters now, I guess. You are in the thick of things at this point.

But! All is not lost. One option: follow all instructions to the "T." And take your methadone, not more than (as you noted) 40mgs. As you know, methadone is one devil of a hard drug to break from. Other words, do as you're told and it won't be THAT long until you'll be free from the legal system.

Another option. Now THIS option may not be possible IF, that is, it is in any way against what your legal folks insist on.

But if it's not against your current agreement, I would STOP with the methadone. It's a real monster, it is---I speak from 4.5 years of personal experience. Stop with the methadone...but not until you find another Sub dispensing physician.

Find a good, honest doc and then, stop being so honest. Stop talking so much! WITHHOLD telling him your entire life story. No law requires you to provide your entire lifelong biography. Simply OMIT the part with all that nasty stuff, all those shenanigans you pulled.

There're lots of Sub docs. Find one and use that (Sub) instead of the methadone. In every way, it'll be best for you. Now and when you begin an actual taper.

Now, I repeat, if my suggestion in any way flies in the face of your legal obligations, then, well---a big nix on that. Ok? Ok.

Remember though, Benn:

No matter what you do, or which way you go, there IS a light shining for you, Benn. Your life is not over, nor is it even way, way flucked up. Sure, it is a bit of a mess, but it's a mess you WILL exit from.

Just do the right thing. The right thing and your life will, once again, begin. It will begin anew and, God willing, with hard work, your life will flourish!

Oh, and get your bad self into a Group Support Program, even if you don't like 'em. Surround yourself with real flesh and blood folks, people just like you...people who have experienced what you are experiencing.

best to you!

sam
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Unread 02-21-2017, 04:28 PM   #4
benn11
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Posts: 118
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Hi,
Thank you for your support and input. I ended up starting a methadone detox at the clinic and titrated up to 45mg, then went in one day to dose and was brought back to be told I was being immediately discharged. The counselor said the doctor 'went to bat' for me, but their attorneys said I shouldn't be treated there. I thought they would do an administrative detox but they cut me off right then and there. They gave me the number for another clinic in a nearby town, but it is owned by the same company, so they said I could try my luck there. I am very grateful to have had the doctor I did, even after all of my terrible actions he was willing to treat me and still treated me with respect. The day I went in to see him I assumed the staff was aware so I told my counselor, but it turned out my doctor hadn't told the staff yet, and later got a message on my phone from him saying to not say anything to staff members and that he hadn't told anyone. So it turns out he was going to try and protect me, which I had mixed feelings about but appreciated the intent. Though part of me wonders what would have happened if I wouldn't have informed the staff, I felt it was only fair that I be open instead of more hiding and lying. Regardless, it is done, and I have also called two suboxone doctors and am on the waiting list for both, though I don't have any idea when they will have openings. I am not sure when I will find out if I will be facing jail time or not, but probably within the next month or two. I am trying to look into treatment programs as well, but until then I need to get stable whether that be through suboxone or methadone. Thank you for the support, I really appreciate it.
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Unread 02-21-2017, 07:53 PM   #5
NancyB
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Hi Ben, wow, that's really impressive about your doctor wanting to help you like that. Will you try the other clinic? It might be worth a try, even though it's the same company, maybe they just didn't want you at the same place your doctor was? How long have you been without methadone at this point? Also, please think about checking in every few days with the two doctors you're on waiting lists at. Sometimes just showing the initiative in calling shows a lot about how serious you are in getting an appointment.

Check back when you time please so we know how you're doing.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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