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Unread 10-05-2016, 01:00 PM   #251
Millie
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I'm sorry, Sam. Certainly sounds like you have valid reasons for being a bit down (not that there are INvalid reasons -- I hope you know what I'm saying).

So damn hard.
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Unread 10-05-2016, 01:07 PM   #252
Alexis
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How are you Sam? xx
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Unread 10-05-2016, 02:41 PM   #253
Sam Bailey
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Hi Millie, Alexis---All Folks,

There is a difference, I think. A different shade of blue. Not the more ordinary sadness-blue I sometimes feel, regarding these most recent developments, but a different ache.

Maybe it's a universal kind of sad, the fact that (forgive my cliché) we're all going to die. We're all mortal; we're all vulnerable.

I mean, my friend/partner John was SUCH a hard-charging person, and now he's nearly an invalid. What must HE think about this change in his life?

We all have plans (in life), right? Sure we do, one way or another. And while those plans sometimes come to fruition, most often they do not---at least not in the precise way we planned them. Sure, sometimes it's a better outcome.

And sometimes we get sick.

Time now to get my Zen thing working! Right? Ha!

Truly, when I regain my balance, as I pretty much have now, I realize the absurdity of life. I realize that, for real, It Is What It Is.

Life, I mean.

No matter what it is.

But still, I feel most sad for all those friends, family, loved ones of any stripe, who feel the loss of their loved one. That's the worst part, I think. The worst place to be in. Not the dying person, nor the dead person. They have the easy part to play.

It's the person left behind that suffers most. The person who loves.

Anyway. Again, friends---thanks much!

sam
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Unread 10-05-2016, 05:27 PM   #254
Alexis
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you sound a bit lost Sam, that makes me sad. Life is strange isnt it. At yoga tonight, i couldnt shift the image in my head of my yoga teacher crying. She is so nice and happy and helpful, and in my mind i was thinking of the time she had her heart broken.

Maybe im messed up??

But i often look at strangers and wonder about the times they cried, laughed, made love, screamed in anger...everyone has their life, so different, but the same emotions. It creeps me out at times.

Love you, keep talking to us xxx
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Unread 10-06-2016, 02:35 PM   #255
Tryntryagain
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Good evening dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

My friend and brother.....i'm soooo tired, so how's about...

"love you loads"....or do i have to pop "howdy" in somewhere?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dear Sam
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Unread 10-09-2016, 09:30 PM   #256
lostdog
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How are you doing Sam? Hope you are feeling better today.
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Unread 10-10-2016, 11:31 AM   #257
Alexis
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How are you Sam? Hope you are feeling a little better xx
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Unread 10-13-2016, 09:09 PM   #258
lostdog
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How are you Sam, I hope things are better for you. Sometimes, it is just very hard and I hope I can lift your spirits today. take care and I will think of you and wish and pray for you the best.
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Unread 10-14-2016, 05:39 AM   #259
Tryntryagain
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Good morning dear, dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

How goes it my brother? Here in my dear ole Blighty the rain is gentle pouring, the wind unforgiving, and dear ole Rolo loving every minute of it.

I often think of all my brothers and sisters in my head when i am out on our walks. I always smile when your name pulses in my heart, although i do get a tad worried when i haven't heard...from you....how you are getting along.

I have an overwhelming feeling you are a human bod who has learnt too well to keep "himself to himself"....and empowers others he loves in giving the rest of all you are. A thimble full of you is enough to inspire, and you know that. It still leaves my brother perhaps feeling lonely inside himself.

This brother wants to wrap my arms around you brother.

Speak soon eh?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to Mrs Sam, Loveness to you dear, dear Sam.
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Unread 10-20-2016, 05:54 AM   #260
Alexis
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Sam, thank you so much for your support, it means the world to me xx
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Unread 10-30-2016, 01:25 PM   #261
Alexis
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Sam, not heard from you in a few days, how you doing? Miss speaking to you x
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Unread 10-30-2016, 04:23 PM   #262
lostdog
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Yes Sam how r u? I'm sorry your daughter moved, but you can visit the pretty area. Please take care and be gentle with yourself.
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Unread 11-05-2016, 12:42 PM   #263
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon dear, dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

Why is it when i write your name my heart smiles so widely? Freedom....that's what it is.

When i read your letters to me, and to our brothers and sisters, i mean....all of us share all we are with each other, we are all so different, that beautiful mosaic of listening and learning folk, and the message i am left with each time i listen to you is...freedom.

What's that dear Sam?.....WTF am i talking about?....Ahh....

What i mean is that when another who has had a journey that contained challenges not many if any could overcome, to offer love, understanding and humour as an out to others as a consequence, is offering that person freedom.

Now, imagine being me feeling what i have wrote. So each day i come home to this family, and there is a letter from Sam. I know immediately i am going to listen and laugh. I will be given a message, an important message from the heart, wrapped up in a way that leaves me with laughter for sure, and loving to think on with.

Again, if you were me, you wouldn't half like to know how the geezer was getting along!?

How are you dear Sam?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dear Sam
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Unread 11-09-2016, 10:14 AM   #264
Alexis
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Hope youre ok Sam? Trump? wow .... unbelievable SO sad. xx
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Unread 11-10-2016, 08:42 AM   #265
lostdog
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How are you Sam in sunny California. My short trip there was so nice. I saw the good and bad. Take care and know that this burden should never be taken alone. We are all together.
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Unread 11-10-2016, 11:53 AM   #266
Sam Bailey
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Hi Folks!

Thank you all for your kind words. I'm well. Reasonably so, to be honest. Some days better than others, like most of us...right?

You might also notice that I spend most of my time here commenting on other folk's threads, thereby revealing my great wisdom. Or absolute ignorance. Ha!

Mostly, life here, with the Sam Clan, is moving forward, favorably, I'm thankful to report. My son is terrific, with 2+ years clean and sober. I couldn't BE more thankful.

My daughter (and 5, count 'em!, 5 grandkids) are living their sweet lives in Oregon, on the coast just down from the bucolic resort town of Astoria. Not ALL resort town, other industries too, but it's "look" draws lots of tourism.

Just this morning I spoke with Mrs. Sam about a quick few days visiting those precious people. Likely will do so just after Thanksgiving.

Our tenants? Ha! Finally got them out of our house, though not without us losing thousands of dollars. But okay, it is what it is. Right? Zen place and all that... I mean, it's only money... Those bastards! HaHa!

My knees? Don't ask. Ha! Still, I run on them. Ain't s'posed to, yet I do. But not if they hurt too, too much. Mostly I run barefoot on the local soccer pitch, fast but short---a mix of 200s, 300s, 600s and some mile intervals. What can I say in my defense? Any defense? It's what I do, who I am.

I do need to get back to my writing. Not the stuff I do for work, but my own writings. As I've noted, I've produced (wrote and directed) hundreds, if not thousands, of hours of television programs, mostly documentaries. And I'm totally comfortable with all aspects of that kind of dealio.

But writing anything for ME, short story, novel---hell, hardest thing I've ever done. Terrifying, too. Ha! Still, I do it. Not always to my satisfaction. Uh, rarely so, if I'm honest. Yet I do it.

I posted this quote the other day, "Writer's write." No matter what, one must take out one's pen and paper and, if one is honest...write. These days, yeah, yeah, yeah---no pen, no paper.....get out the ol laptop.

Anyway. That's that. For now, at least.

Think I'll be off to run now.

best,

sam
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Unread 11-12-2016, 02:43 PM   #267
Tryntryagain
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Good evening dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

How i love you so.

"Writers write".....no matter what, one must take out one's pen and paper and, if one is honest....write.

Indeedy.

2 things my gorgeous brother....

1....you just have....

2....the pen is the thought, the paper the heart.

Re knees....

If i told you what i have to do with mine, you would ask me how much my extension cost.

My arms have got the hump. They can't reach you.

Oh hold on....my heart can.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you and Mrs Sam.
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Unread 11-14-2016, 09:57 AM   #268
Alexis
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Miss you Sam x
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Unread 11-26-2016, 08:52 AM   #269
Alexis
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I wont stop telling you i miss you Sam haha how are you? xx
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Unread 12-04-2016, 11:34 AM   #270
lostdog
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Write us and tell us about your sweet soul and what's been up.
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Unread 12-05-2016, 04:44 PM   #271
Alexis
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Hey sam hope everything is great and youre looking forward to christmas? will you see your kids? xx
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Unread 12-05-2016, 07:24 PM   #272
Sam Bailey
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Hi All!

Many thanks for checking in on me. Though I don't often post on this Thread, I am certain to prattle on in all of YOUR Threads---so you all pretty much know, I think, what's happening in my life. I am certainly not loath to reveal anything.

Not loath, but saddened to reveal this, however. My most beautiful and wonderful (oldest) grandson has been busted for pot. At school. And now he's facing expulsion. Most disconcerting though is that he's smoking it...well, nearly everyday, we think. Now I have nothing against smoking pot...except if you're 15 years old. And at 15, I am horrified that he's doing this. The effect on a kid's brain can be...CAN be...catastrophic. Arrested development and all that messed up brain stuff.

In addition, he's giving his Mom (my daughter) a terrible time and might go live with his a-hole father in Portland. Such a mistake, I can't tell you!

Anyway. I am terribly distressed over this entire thing. I want to shake him awake...and I want to hug him out of this critical error. He and I have a bond that is unbreakable. The boy is more of a son than "just" a grandson. I tell him, "I love you with all my heart...and all my brain." And his wandering in this dark place saddens me terribly.

There's more. But enough for now. Suffice it to say, it's a freaking mess.

Anyway.

There you go.

sam
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Unread 12-05-2016, 09:43 PM   #273
lostdog
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I'm sorry. Hopefully he will quit it's a good thing he has you.
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Unread 12-06-2016, 01:35 AM   #274
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Hi Sam, Sure sorry to hear about your grandson's issues. Family can bring such joy, and then they can also cause our hearts to really hurt. I work with "troubled teens" and many of them have no family support-your grandson is surrounded by family who love him and will work to get him the help and direction he needs. It will not be an easy path, but keep the lines of communication open. sounds like he just might just listen to his ole grandpa. imagine there will be counseling and other interventions offered. Maybe even he could come down and spend some time with you? Sending supportive wishes to both you and your precious grandson.

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Unread 12-06-2016, 04:49 AM   #275
Tryntryagain
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Good morning my dear, dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

Oh my friend, what to do...what to do. As I am not in the habit of handing folk eggs to suck, very little unfortunately is the answer.

It's only pot!! they shout......oh yeah?

15?? ****ing 15? You're having a laugh?

From what you have shared this is not a spliff behind the bike sheds with 80 of them, yet a use that is now a need. He needs you. Is there a way you can get him away from his Father without causing world war 3?

Like my Mum says, keeping those channels of communication open vital. Having had a handful of my own kids, sometimes that is all you got. Seemingly not enough, trust me, keeping those lines open means eventually, you will "get that call".....HELP!

As my dear brother I feel so very passionate for you. After my little lot, remember when I said all my girls came down from London a few months ago and they were completely smashed and took coke in my bathroom?......I will never forget that night for the sound of the shattering of my heart. I wanted to knock them all out and hug them all at the same time.

Then you know what happened the next time they came? Alcohol free, drug free, they had got it.

There is always hope, yet watching someone you love in a race....that you know what the outcome will be, makes you want to jump in the road during the race from the crowd, to stop your loved one as he is going to wrong way.

Keep being there. Keep being there. Keep being there.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you my dear, dear Sam
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Unread 12-06-2016, 06:07 AM   #276
Alexis
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Really sorry to hear this Sam, my cousin is 20 and smoking an awful amount of pot. Granted he is older but i see how it affects his mum.

Hoping you can help out and he can see he doesnt need it.

Love you xx
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Unread 12-06-2016, 10:35 AM   #277
R. Lee
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Sam, I hope that your grandson learns from this. You & yours are in my thoughts.
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Unread 12-06-2016, 04:47 PM   #278
Millie
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Ugh, that's so tough. I'm so sorry, Sam.

I was very close with my grandmother, and knowing she would disapprove kept me from doing so many things. Even now, though she's been gone for 15 years, when I feel like doing something harmful (to myself), I often conjure, "What would Grandma think?"

Have you talked to him? Does he know your history? Preaching likely wouldn't help, but knowing you're disappointed -- and why -- might have an effect.

Anyway. Just thinking out loud. I really hope he can get his head on straight. This reminds me of an episode of Better Things in which the oldest daughter, who smokes a ton of pot, realizes she's wasting her life and has essentially a mid-life crisis at 16.

I'm so sorry about all of it.
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Unread 12-12-2016, 02:33 PM   #279
Alexis
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How you doing Sam? Hows the family? x
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Unread 12-21-2016, 05:52 PM   #280
Alexis
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Sam, my friend, how are you doing? Are you excited for christmas? x
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Unread 12-21-2016, 09:21 PM   #281
lostdog
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Hi Sweet Sam, it was too good to pass up saying that. I hope that you are in a festive mood for yourself and things to make you happy. You help all of us so much.
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Unread 12-22-2016, 12:58 PM   #282
Millie
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Sam! Sam! Sam!

Did you get any of that rain I heard about?
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Unread 12-22-2016, 01:05 PM   #283
Sam Bailey
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Hey Alexis, Hi LostDog!

Thanks for checking in on me. All is well in Southern California. Finally we have.....rain! Not enough to end the drought, but a pretty good (at times) downpour.

As I've noted in the past, Mrs. Sam, Noah and I are like kids when the wet stuff threatens. Then when it comes? We dance in our backyard. Not dance, but oh so close. Ha!

On Tuesday, the 27th, I'm flying into Portland, then driving to the Oregon Coast to see my daughter and grandkids. Will stay about a week. And while I'm totally stoked to see them, I wish the visit could be more inclusive. As in, all of us flying in, not just me.

Why just me? Complicated...and maddening. I've never hated anyone, but I am "this-close" with my ex son-in-law. Even as I realize that nothing is right about those feelings, I can't help but to, okay, maybe not hate, but I do despise him. His behaviors, his actions---the effect he has on my grandkids, and still (even) my daughter.

That aside, it'll be a good trip, I'm certain.

I may not have regular (or any?) Internet access while I'm there. We shall see. However, I'll post, I'm sure, before Tuesday comes.

best,

sam
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Unread 12-22-2016, 01:11 PM   #284
Alexis
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Haha it is so strange to me, that you never have rain! What with it being so frequent here. Im glad you got some and dancing in the rain sounds pretty perfect.

Although you have these bad feelings towards your ex son in law, i hope and know you will have a good trip seeing your daughter and grandkids. Please be safe with the driving.

Love and cherish you xx
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Unread 12-22-2016, 01:13 PM   #285
Millie
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That sounds so stressful. I'm sorry.

Please wave northward when you get there, and I'll wave back.
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Unread 12-25-2016, 05:22 PM   #286
Alexis
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How was christmas Sam? Hope it was wonderful for you and the family. xx
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Unread 01-02-2017, 10:16 PM   #287
R. Lee
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Sam, Hope you are OK & had a wonderful Holiday season.
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Unread 01-02-2017, 10:42 PM   #288
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Hi sweet Sam, Happy New Year, may you have a terrific year ahead.
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Unread 01-03-2017, 01:29 PM   #289
Sam Bailey
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Hi All!

I'm back from Oregon, despite risking my life in LAX (LA's main airport). Boy, is it a zoo there. Yet, it did return me safely to home-sweet-home, so enough complaining, right? Ha!

Returned last night, home about 7pm.

I had a wonderful time with my beautiful daughter and mega-sweet grandchildren. Ok, mostly sweet. But precious to me. Even the in-trouble 16 year old is coming out of the trouble. Still a ways to go, but still...

Anyway.

I hope everyone's Holiday time was terrific. I hope you are all safe and happy.

Be well. It really is an Inside Job!

best,

sam
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Unread 01-03-2017, 01:54 PM   #290
Alexis
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awww Sam how wonderful to hear from you always makes me smile to see your name pop up here.

Glad your daughter and grandchildren are well and that you are safely home!

Love you very much xx
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Unread 01-11-2017, 06:13 AM   #291
Tryntryagain
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Good morning dear, dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

How are you doing my very, very special brother? I have been thinking alot about you recently and that has a lot to do with Rolo. I have no idea why, yet when we are out and about on our meanders, watching him trotting around doing his stuff always brings you to mind. A freedom, an independence, a spirit joining in with the swirling wind, always makes me think of you.

My thoughts are with you today my friend.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you my dear, dear Sam
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Unread 01-12-2017, 08:10 PM   #292
Sam Bailey
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Hi Andy!

Well, thank you. It's always comforting to read (hear) such wonderful comments about oneself, especially when one is, as I am, so deserving of such compliments. Ha!

But please, you must not ask Mrs. Sam!

Seriously Tryn', thanks for your kind and thoughtful note. Tho in truth, as I'm certain you know, I have days, many and sometimes far too often, when I don't deserve a smidgen of praise, when darkness obscures that, as you imply, good "spirit" that swirls around me.

Actually, you didn't say this at all, did you? Ha!

It is, however, the message I took from your note, a message that I need to hear at this moment---whether or not it's warranted.

On this Blue Day, one of those Dark Times, I suppose, your generous visit with me is as welcome as it is necessary. IDK. Maybe "necessary" is an overstatement. Whatever it is, it is kind, your note to me. Above all else, it is kind.

Thanks, Andy.

Oh, re sweet Rolo and those thoughts of me that accompany your meanderings? It is, most likely, quite simple. Just as you love your newest Family Member, Rolo, I love Ruby. Simple, right? Truth is, she is no less a Sam Clan Family Member than...well, anyone. I adore her, as I know you adore Rolo.

You and I? Bonded, deeply and forever, with our Canine Son, Daughter, Brother, Sister---chose whatever relationship one wants, call it what you wish to call it.

To us, Rolo and Ruby, are inseparable, from us.

That is, Andy, just ONE of the connections we share.

So I believe, anyway.

best,

sam
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Unread 01-13-2017, 10:06 AM   #293
Alexis
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Sam i am sorry you are feeling blue, you deserve love and praise even when the darkness swirls in though, maybe you deserve it more when that happens??

I love you very much and hope you feel less of a burden soon. xx
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Unread 01-22-2017, 06:45 PM   #294
Sam Bailey
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Hey All!

It's really a good thing to see all the kindness and support each of you give to the others---and, almost always, get back in return. Soapdish? I'm delighted to see how well, and how quickly, you've fit into this small, but kind and gentle group.

It's a warmth on this (finally!) rainy, windy and, for LA, cold Sunday afternoon. As I've rattled on 'n on 'n on about for Lord knows how long, good old Los Angeles has been mired in a terrible drought. Last coupla days though, Holy Moly!, it's been raining...and today, pouring down!

Monsoon alert!

And I love it! Concerned, of course, for all those poor souls with property in the local hills and mountains. When it rains this hard, mudslides are nearly inevitable---and when the mud slides, too often so does the house on that hill.

We're not affected by this, but for those people who are, please send your best thoughts and prayers.

I'm writing this note for a specific reason, beyond a simple duty to report in. I will, however, make my reason a shorter story than usual. For one thing, I suspect I'm seeing the second part of my "reason" way over the top. IF I'm not, though, you'll know that...well, something may have happened.

First, Lord knows why, but my knees, BOTH my knees, are in the worst shape of my life. Extremely stiff, achy and, since two days past, really painful. Based on whatever is happening, I have made the decision to pull the trigger and get that damn knee replacement surgery...in both knees. I'm a runner, have been a runner, define myself as a runner (et al) since I was a teenager. Most folks here know that I competed, years back, at a pretty intense level.

Now I may never run again, not even a shadow of my bad self. Poor me, right? Ha!

The second reason for this note is almost certainly a 60-something year old guy shouting wolf. I hope so.

However, I haven't been feeling well recently. Edema everywhere, headaches, weakness, not as good-looking as I've previously been. And THAT sucks, right? Ha! Just feel really crappy!

Bottom line, something is off balance with me. Likely nothing beyond my knees, the pain attached and the resulting lack of sleep...conspiring to make me feel so un-well.

Yet, as some of you may recall from my more recent posts, there's been a lot of men and women my age who've recently crossed over. Friends of mine. Old colleagues. Teammates. Makes me...at least, concerned.

And real bottom line? While I am a strong person, and have been fit my entire life, oh man, have I tortured my body (and mind) with drugs and addiction. How much damage have I done? I don't know.

So, I am being a total wuss, I'm sure. Although I am, almost certainly, going to get those new knees, I am also almost certainly going to survive this recent physically dark time.

You're all wonderful people. I like you all very much. However, should I come up missing, well---you'll know why. And that's what I wanted to say.

Little Boy and the Wolf though, right? Almost certainly.

best,

sam
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Unread 01-22-2017, 10:26 PM   #295
R. Lee
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Sam, My best to you & you will be in my thoughts. I completed 9 marathons from the age of 38 to 47 when I blew out a knee. My times were about 3 hrs. 35 min. & I loved to run but my injury ended my marathons. I wish you the best with your surgery. As for feeling punky don't worry until you have it diagnosed. I am 73. I crashed my motorcycle this past May after hitting a deer at 60 mph. I still ride. I have fallen twice this winter on the ice breaking some more ribs. Getting up there in age is sometimes tough to think about but at least we are still around to think about it. I hear it suggested to stay in today. Don't get ahead of yourself friend. I love & care for you Sam so stay around & do here what you do. You are needed. R. Lee
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Unread 01-23-2017, 03:43 AM   #296
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Hey Sam, whats all this about?! You might not be around? Why!? I understand you feeling poorly but please, stay around. We need you here, and i suspect you enjoy our company too?

Dont scare me. R Lee is right, please dont get ahead of yourself. Staying strong is needed in times like these.

Hope i just misread your letter. But im a little worried.


Love you dearly xx
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Unread 01-23-2017, 06:38 AM   #297
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Hi Sam, make an appointment with your GP today. Try to get in today if you can. You need to find out what the edema/weakness/headaches and crappy feeling is about before even talking with an ortho surgeon.

As R.Lee said and Alexis echoed, don't get ahead of yourself, be proactive and call this morning; and then let us know when your appointment is.

Nancy
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Unread 01-24-2017, 12:11 PM   #298
Alexis
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How you feeling today Sam? xx
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Unread 01-24-2017, 02:09 PM   #299
Sam Bailey
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Hi Alexis,

I'm feeling better, kid. Thanks. Talked to several docs, have appointments set. Right now, no reason to send the ambulances to the rescue. Ha! I have some appointments scheduled and, I'm certain, will get things sorted out. Also, changing my primary care physician. That causes some time issues. But no worries. As noted, I am feeling better.

Knees? Not so much. Although they have (also) improved, the die is cast on that one, I think. I've run from getting knee replacement surgery for so many years, even as I was actually still running, which is, so I'm told, quite mad. In any case, there're not many options now---as in NO options, other than surgery.

When? Here again, due to my insurance policy, that's uncertain. Probably Spring. So, just a month or two...or three.

So---it is a done deal, apparently. Under the knife (the dullest in the hospital) I will go.

Thanks again, Alexis. Should anything dramatic happen, I will find my keyboard.

You remain a kind, lovely young woman, Alexis. You should be half as kind to yourself!

sam
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Unread 01-24-2017, 02:13 PM   #300
Alexis
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Thank you for letting us know Sam, it means a lot. Im glad, so glad you are feeling a little better as well. Thats make me smile

Let us know how the appointments go and ill be thinking of you regarding your knees.

Love you very much and wish you all the happiness in the world xx
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