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Unread 09-04-2015, 09:29 AM   #201
jenm
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Hey JD!

Whenever I want to argue with someone at work, I will just be overly nice to them and then quietly say things in my head (that I think are really funny) to get through it. I like pretty much everyone I work with, but there are 2 people whose arrogance and holier than thou attitude makes me nuts. Usually I try to avoid them but sometimes I can't. Or just play the weather channel music in your head, that helps too.

I think that 45 day thing is the "hard suspension" that we have where you cannot drive at all - no blow thing or anything, just no driving right? I may have 30 days of that as well. At the moment I have an appeal in with the DOT so I can drive until the hearing/DOT judge's ruling. Everyone knows what I'm going through though, if I haven't told them then they have surely seen the lovely ankle bracelet I'm wearing. I did get the first 2 week report and........(drum roll) there were no alcohol events and no tampering events. Which I could have told them, but, hey Judge, here's proof.

Try not to worry about not driving in the future. You can get through this, and so can I. And the great news is that we can do it sober. I hope your day is good! Jenm
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Unread 09-04-2015, 02:03 PM   #202
jditoday
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After waking up and feeling like garbage, I had an orgasmic cup of coffee, read a little, and am currently trying to gear myself up to go outside to do some overdue yard work. I read these posts while still in bed with sleepy eyes, and felt the need to reply, even though I kinda didn't want to come here today.

Jen, the 45 day thing...I think where you are at is the "administrative suspension" which is a DOT thing. The DOT will suspend you for the PAC ticket, which you can appeal and delay, but most of the time, you just get suspended with the immediate allowance for an occupational license. That is where I am at, with an occupational after the suspension. Now, I can only speak for Wisconsin here, but, once you are found guilty, your license is revoked for 45 days. Not suspended, but revoked. No driving, no nothing. In this time, you still have to get your blow and go set up, and this even has to happen before any jail/huber time (not sure if work release is called huber law in Iowa either) After that 45 days, you will be eligible to get an occupational license, while being suspended for whichever amount of time the state hands out. In my case it will be 12 to 18 months. Now, the revocation is a big deal. While on an occupational, if you get pulled over outside your designated driving time, at ost it is a ticket. In my recent experience of being pulled over after leaving work at 2am, not my driving time, I was stopped by a very understanding officer that was able to put 2 and 2 together and see that I was halfway between work and home, and sent me on my way ticket free. If you get pulled over while revoked, in Sconnie at least, any work release is also revoked, your full sentence will be served in prison with the additional charge of driving while revoked, which up here carries a 1 year term.

Arguing at work has a different definition for me as a union steward. They pay me to fix the place but the majority of my day is spent trying to fix the corporate brains in the office who have no idea what we do, and spend their days pinching pennies. We are in outage at the moment, it was supposed to be a planned 8 week outage, but it wound up being forced 2 weeks early as a major problem was discovered, and the safety of the plant/workers were in jeopardy so they had to pull the pin. An outage is when the unit comes out for repairs that can't be done while it is online. This happens once a year for each unit (we have 2) in the spring and fall when energy demands are the lowest. When a unit is out, not exaggerating, it costs the company millions of dollars per day. Being that we are currently in the middle of a late heat wave, it is costing millions per hour at certain points of the day. To put things is perspective, in Iowa, I am sure you see the big wind turbines all over the place. Well, those put out 2 megawatts per hour, which is enough to provide electricity to a small community, which is why you always see tons of them grouped together in windy areas. My plant...puts out 1350 megawatts per hour, which is not only enough for the entire state, but is also enough to sell to the entire midwest "grid".

So, my plant, is still a baby, only 5 years old. Needless to say there are still major problems from it being built by the lowest bidder. It was built for just over 2 billion with the cheapest shit available. When we talk about pressures over 4000 psi and temperatures just over 2000 degrees, the structural stability of the place is a pretty big deal. The builder didn't think so. This means that we have more outages a year than the plant that I came from, which is coming up on 85 years old this year. We are still doing our best to "finish the build" as I like to put it in the meetings that I am burdened with to "argue" about what we fix and don't fix. A lot of this arguing is about whether we (the 38 mechanics we have at out plant, plus a number of dispatched mechanics from the surrounding plants) get to fix, and what gets contracted out. You might think this is a wash, but it is always a struggle for us to keep work, as the company is in the contractors pocket, and makes money giving our work away, while we (the union) are in a constant struggle to maintain work, build our numbers and do things the right way.

Whats the difference between keeping work in house and contracting it you ask?

We take ownership over our plants. At my plant, as a Boiler Steam Fitter Mechanic...those boilers and everything that supports them are MINE. The turbines, the pulverizers, the ridiculous pumps, are the plant mechanics. The welders...weld, and put their names on every single weld they do, literally. The shop mechanics are the most precise machinists you will ever meet. The riggers can floss the statue of liberty's teeth with nothing more than a crane and a wire rope. We do not $#@! around. We own our plants and we do everything to ensure that everything is done right, on time, on budget, and in a manner that we won't have to worry about it for a very long time.

Contractors, are exactly that. They come in, do some work and leave before the unit comes back. Before any catastrophic errors are found. They don't care because they have another place to be. This casual thinking puts myself and the 300 other folks I work with at risk on a daily basis. We also have operators, chem techs (chemmies) CIT's (twigets) electricians (sparkies) to worry about.

So, when an outage comes up, there is months of prep that goes into it. It is my job to keep every second of work that we can. Victories come from stealing work away from contractors and keeping work that we had previously done. The arguments come when someone in the office wants a pay day from the contractor. We willingly give up the shit work. They can have it, as long as we get to keep the cool shit. The slamming shit, the blood and guts of what makes the place work. So when the dopes upstairs want to give a cool job away, that we have the manpower to do, it's arguing time. Slam time. (I use the term slam time when it is time to put your nose down and get after it. It's tattood on me). I have the obligation of going into the thunderdome and beating the "man" down to keep/steal/maintain as much work for our guys as possible. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, but in the end...we teach the man a lesson. Sad thing is, the "smart" folks are the ones so eager to run up the company ladder that they are shocked to find out that the only thing left is to jump off the top, which is why it is a constant struggle. Because we are always dealing with assholes with new ideas on how to fix electricity.

That last sentence made me pause and think. Electricity has been around for many many years. Edison harnessed it and Tesla perfected it (that genious is also tattood on me, the entire knee down of my left leg)...and some dipshit straight out of school is trying to change it??? Am I right??? For F!@#$ sake, we turn water into electricity. Which means that we have to heat water to the point that it becomes a F!@#$%^& GAS! Not vapor, Not steam but a F*&%$#@! GAS!

And some schmuck thinks he can come up with something better after reading a book called "How To Make More Money With A Power Plant". Really??? We are mechanics with a unique set of skills. We will find the problem, and then we will kill it, and we will not stop until our paychecks are signed. And after they are signed? We will keep it up because if our work fails...well, people will get hurt, or killed. I've only been with the company for 7 years. I was a contractor in the plants before then for 10 years. In that time, 7 people have died because of poor craftsmanship. I will NOT let that happen on my watch now as an employee, a union steward, and a member of the safety committee.

"Hey Mark, what does this have to do with alcoholism recovery?"

If you asked that...then you didn't take the ride with me. Everything written above is what I NEED the off switch for. I have amazed myself at the fact that I have been able to shut it down after a day (really I can fit all above into like 15 minutes at work) without booze.

Tryn! I (you can't capitalize I anymore than that but if I Could I would) III am the kindest person to myself at all time. IIIIIIII am human and I !@#$ up. I come back from it. I do not beat myself up over any mistakes. I never will. IIIIIII love myself and can only do what I can do. IIIIIII am human and I love it, and that is why I can openly accept anyone else's faults/misgivings/mistakes/missteps/hangups/problems. We are all human and are very capable of error. Every single one of us can F!@# up any any given time.

I am ok with that, as long as we try to learn from it.

All that being said, I have a work free friday to fill. I have plenty to do. The clouds finally broke, and the temp is on the rise so I think it will be a yardwork day. I am not gonna drink today, even after everything that I just wrote condones it.

I have signed up for a pretty good stetch at work, no days off for quite a bit aside from the 24 hour turn arounds, so I might....nope, I won't be posting as often. I'm gonna get lost in work. I'll still be reading here, but I might be quiet.

Alexis...your last couple of posts I could hear a deep breath and relaxation. Lets keep that up, as need to learn how to do that regularly as well. You're a driving force that keeps me coming back here, and I want us both to be cool. Know what I mean? Lets do this.

Day bla bla bla...I'm not gonna drink today.
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Unread 09-04-2015, 03:53 PM   #203
R. Lee
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Your in a good place JD.

Think through that 1st. urge to drink.

Love yourself & have a great day.
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Unread 09-04-2015, 08:47 PM   #204
Alexis
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i like it when you/me/we all post about our work/life/relationships etc. It means we understand each other better, we get to know when & why we fall & we can taylor our advice.

Im proud of you JD, im a little (selfishly) sad you may not post as often haha but hey, keep busy, just dont burn out!!!

Peace xx
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Unread 09-05-2015, 09:29 PM   #205
jditoday
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Just had a tough trip to the ole grocery store. It's been a test today. My neighbors have had some of the loudest folks over all day, on a day that I wanted to spend outside doing more yard stuff, which I didn't do out of respect. I made the decision to head to the store to pick up a nice shoulder to make some pulled pork for tomorrow, and to pick up a ton of other things that I just ran out of...forgetting that it is a holiday weekend, and the place would be packed. I do NOT do good in these situations. I hate crowds, I hate assholes that don't look where they are walking with their carts...I usually always got boozed up before heading to the store. 10 minutes in I was sweating my bag off just hoping to get out of there as soon as possible without abandoning anything in the process.

It couldn't have looked good as I didn't look and speed walked by the liquor department the many times I had to pass it as I was really unsure of what all I was buying. I really could have broken but I didn't. Whatever I would have bought would have been opened as soon as I got to my truck.


And a bee sting yesterday...why do bees still have to mess with us when we are nowhere close to their home and just minding our own business mowing the lawn??? I hope it was worth it to that bee, because after I got done with the lawn...I have to say it, I slaughtered it's whole family. Payback is a BEE-itch!

Alexis, I will make it a point to post something every day even though it might be short and crabby. And one thing is given, I WILL burn out. I'm not looking forward to it, but believe it or not I thrive in these situations where the only thing to focus on is work. It basically leaves me no time left in the day to worry about anything else as I will be getting home exhausted every day. I sleep better, and in the past, drinking always slowed way way down...so I have that going for me. Work sleep work sleep work sleep is a good pattern for me. Sucks for my social life, but that has been suffering since june anyway.

Hope they day was strong for everyone. I'm gonna go play with my pork:P
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Unread 09-05-2015, 11:31 PM   #206
R. Lee
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JD, Way to work through that urge. You are a winner.

Have a great tomorrow.
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Unread 09-06-2015, 06:22 AM   #207
Alexis
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Awesome JD - proud of you!

Yep I totally get that you prefer to be crazy busy with work, great distraction. Been trying to just concentrate on that myself the past week.

Sleep not good though even though I'm exhausted

Have a great day!! I don't really eat pork but kinda miss bacon hahah x
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Unread 09-06-2015, 02:37 PM   #208
jditoday
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My house smells absolutely ridiculous! I got the bones out and did the pork pulling, then the fun part began. I have had a few fork fulls to make sure it is fit for human consumption, which is is, but now comes the few hours to let all the special little things I put in there go to work. My mom and grandma are gonna be stopping by today for dinner. I was hoping to have some deck time to catch up with them today but it is very hot out there...too hot for either of them I should say.

Either way I'd like to get that over with so I can undo everything that they do:P Maybe it's payback, but every time they leave I have to walk around and turn all the lights back off that they leave on for no reason and shut all the doors:P I've bitched about this at work, and all the guys around my age say the same thing...they do this on purpose because you did it to them for 18 years:P

I'm not gonna drink today...just taking time to heal everything up the best I can as I go into the next 3 months of reckless slamming at work.

Hope the day is strong for everyone.
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Unread 09-06-2015, 10:27 PM   #209
jditoday
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Oh. I guess connections are taboo. Pick a side addiction survivors. Alexis...we will get together somehow.
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Unread 09-06-2015, 10:34 PM   #210
jditoday
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I might be done here. I will smuggle my email to those that want it.
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Unread 09-06-2015, 10:38 PM   #211
jditoday
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I mean for f:& sake I might connect with someone. It's gotta be a ****ing crime.
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Unread 09-07-2015, 05:56 PM   #212
R. Lee
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We are here to support each other in getting sober. Please support this group by staying anonymous. If you do not want to stay anonymous then leave & try sobriety another way.
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Unread 09-10-2015, 04:45 AM   #213
Saint
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JD,

I stopped by to see how you've been. Sorry to hear you upset but anonymity has been the policy as long as I can recall and it does have it's benefits. Their house their rules after all. Sometimes the world doesn't revolve around us and what we want, when we want it. Sometimes you have to trust that others may have found a better way.

Be well,
Saint
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Unread 09-10-2015, 06:42 AM   #214
Alexis
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Jd don't leave here please. I need you around
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Unread 09-10-2015, 09:04 AM   #215
jenm
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Hi JD - Hope you are doing ok with your busy work schedule and that you are staying sober! Take care, Jenm
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Unread 09-12-2015, 10:36 AM   #216
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon JD. Bright blessings to you.

I have have had the fortune to find this place. Full of wonderous, challenging, eclectic, experienced and loving people.

If i get angry, if i give up, there is nothing my sisters and brothers can do.

In a the relatively little time i have been here i have told everyone of my brothers and sisters they were talking shit.

Have you any idea what it is like to grow up.........that feeling inside that is a great big..."OOOOPPPPPssss".......welcome.

You are not going to leave here. We are all in this together. All of us.....right?

Lets get something straight.

I have asked for a "Conference" so we call all meet. I wanted so much the love and hugs i was getting to be "real". If i could not feel them, they did not feel real.

Then i got sober. Then it really hurt.

Suddenly i recognised that the love, understanding and guidance, was a reality that was unfamiliar to me, but so, so, so very real.

It takes time. I had to become more of a lunatic........it gets worse before it gets better.

Better, it truly does.

Dear Saint, i love the guy so much, when i do not listen to him, he threatens to come over and i really do not want that.

If you do listen to me, and all of us, i am coming to gettcha.

As Susie says to me, "Come on".....get real.

Group hug?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you JD
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Unread 09-30-2015, 07:26 PM   #217
lostdog
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How are you?
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Unread 10-02-2015, 09:16 AM   #218
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon JD. Bright blessings to you.

I'm on Lost Dog's coat tails, how are you?

Come and touch base with us.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you JD
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Unread 10-03-2015, 10:43 PM   #219
R. Lee
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As alcoholics we always wanted to be in charge in control. We did not like rules. We must change to find recovery. Give it up JD & come back.
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