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Unread 08-25-2015, 05:57 AM   #151
Alexis
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Thanks JD <3

Im glad you have some time off, hopefully you can relax a bit, and prepare for court. We have your back xx
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Unread 08-25-2015, 08:06 AM   #152
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Mornin folks,

Done with work for 5 days, but my mind is getting on edge again. I have court tomorrow morning at 8:30. I did have some things I wanted to do this morning, but blew them off to try to get my schedule flipped. Hopefully That wasn't a mistake. Hopefully I get to get those things done after court tomorrow. I really should try to stay awake for a bit so I can sleep right, but I am on a caffein crash at the moment and I think I might try to ride that to bed and deal with sleep tonight after I wake up from a snooze. I worry if I try to stay up the thinker (I'm taking that LD) will get me in trouble, but today of all days I need to be focused. I might check in later on tonight, but don't count on it. I am going to stay as far away from thinkin about drinkin as I can today. Hopefully I can check in after i get home tomorrow.

I hope you all have strong days. I'm not gonna drink today.
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Unread 08-25-2015, 08:46 AM   #153
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Hi JD!

Good for you. Get some rest, and check in with us when you can. I am praying for you! Let us know how court goes when you can, and I'm also not gonna drink today. Take care! Jenm
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Unread 08-25-2015, 10:05 AM   #154
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I will be thinking of you all day and tomorrow, sending lots of loving thoughts and peace. I hope you can think of us, and it will help. How far back are you from the UK? I will make sure to keep checking here to see you post.

Try to relax tonight, get some comfort food, and a funny film to watch.

Peace JD xxx
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Unread 08-25-2015, 11:12 AM   #155
R. Lee
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JD, Good luck in court.

Think through that 1st. drink.

Have a nice day.
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Unread 08-26-2015, 12:37 PM   #156
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I'm not gonna drink today. Now with that out of the way...

I've been up since about 9pm last night (turn around/nerves) and I don't plan on correcting typos. I am completely exhausted.

On the way to court, I stopped by Tony's house to pick up a character reference letter. Doing that had me running a touch behind as traffic was in bad shape up until then. I was met by his wife Mia as he was at work for the day, she handed the letter off and wished me luck. I was a bundle of nerves, and probably came off like a ungrateful dick for being short, I'll have to make it up to her somehow. She was trying her best to chill me out, but I just wasn't having it. (BRB, I should text her quick)

So, I got to the courthouse, and after acting as a legal consultant/therapist for my new best friend (this dude just came up to me and started asking all kinds of questions and telling me his life story...I got the heeby jeebies from this guy as he did not blink once and I could tell he was under the influence of something) the bonehead lawyer and I had a good little chat where I basically threatened to fire him and sue the firm if he didn't step his game up. He answered that he agreed that communication needed to be improved, and then let me in on some of the work he has been doing that he should have kept me up to date on. Anyway, as court came to order, the judge announced that she was being transferred (which mean that she didn't really care what went on today). November 4th was the date set for the plea agreement, which will give me 2 months to do some more of what the state is going to order me to do at sentencing before hand which will hopefully soften the blow. I got a glimpse of what I was looking at for a penalty as per state mandate, and with the (I forgot the real word) preliminary offer, I am currently on the harsher end of the spectrum as far as jail time, suspension time, and blow and go time goes. With the character references that I plan on submitting, and the allocution statement I plan on giving, pre sentencing, I think it will help me out a little. Not tons, but any time off I can manage will be huge. The fines and the rest...I can deal with. There will always be more money to make, and having the blow and go won't be an issue as I never plan on driving drunk again, let alone drinking. Yip, just got ahead of myself there. I am not drinking today. That is good enough for now. However, I will say with certainty that I will never drive after consuming alcohol again. That one I am sure of.

It feels like I am breathing for the first time today, I feel the stress dumping out of me which means 1 of 2 things. Either, I need to get busy and maybe do some yard work while it is still cloudy and cool out, or I should just go to bed and worry about getting my turn around flipped tomorrow. I'm not sure which way I am leaning just yet, but I do know that this will be my one post today. I might come back to do some reading, but that should be it if anything.

I thank you all for the support. I hope strong days are being had all around, and I will stop in to recommit myself tomorrow morning. I have no idea what day I am on, nor do I care, but I am doing surprisingly ok today.

Note to Alexis and Jen...I wore one of the new pairs of shoes to court today. Not really a special occasion, but they went well with the shirt and today went better than expected, so the blue suede/canvas with gum sole treated Vans Old Schools have no become my "court shoes". I got a chuckle about that on the way home because I am foolishly superstitious.
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Unread 08-26-2015, 01:51 PM   #157
jditoday
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So, I was about to go to bed, but I wanted to check the online stuff one more time. I got an email. I am going to leave names (and band names out of this post, as the link will lead you to it, I don't want any search engines coming here) but this email, I had kind of forgotten about it's origin. I asked the singer of this band, who had been all over Instagram showing off what he has been doing lately, to paint me something. We emailed back and forth looking for ideas, when he asked me for something that represented where I came from, my city, as landscapes/buildingscapes we his deal. A "light" hit me.

My lil city has a pretty rocking lighthouse being on the shore of Lake Michigan. Growing up, my Grandpa used to take me on drives all the time, and the best part would be when we drove by the lighthouse. When I was older, early 20's, I moved to an apartment close to it, though still on the outskirts of a bad neighborhood. I used to go for drives, with my girlfriend at the time, around the neighborhoods, just to the north of where I was living, always saying that I would love to live in one of them one day. So close to the lake that you can hear it, and in a neighborhood, that if you didnt belong in it, you shouldnt be there. All those times, that drive would end by driving by the lighthouse. in 2012, I bought this house. I can hear the lake, I can be at the lighthouse in two minutes. I can see the beacon from my deck in the back yard.

So flash forward 6-7 years. My tattooer was painting a picture I took of this lighthouse for my uncle as a birthday present. My uncle also has a love for that building...go figure. That was the night that I decided ta\hat I could probably paint as well, and plans were set forth for me to learn. My first lesson came when my Mom wanted the same painting. Jeremy worked on that, while I painted my very first landscape painting (no drawing involved). The lighthouse went to my mom, as well as my first painting ever. Since then, with two given away, I had painted my own and sold it. I still to this day do not have a painting that I did, hanging on my walls. They have all been given away or sold.

So back to it, when asked about my lil city, this lighthouse came to mind. Music as the beacon I thought, as he is a bit abstract. Lighthouse, it's time for me to have one. He sent an email of him signing the final product. I am the proud owner of a *abstract city* lighthouse painting from the singer of one of my favorite bands who you will learn of when you click the link. The link is the song I wake up to every morning.

https://youtu.be/U6HH0tRgeD0

It was a cloudy night,
or so it looked to me,
I felt so lost,
I couldn't say why.
I needed strength to change my mind
but those ghosts stick to me like glue, hating life,
believing I was no good

It was a darkness all my own
a song played on the radio,
but it went straight to my heart
I carried it with me
until the darkness was gone...

It was a cloudy night,
or so it looked to me,
I felt so lost,
I couldn't say why
I built this cloud to live in,
It was a bunch of lies in my mind.
the world wants me to believe it
so I had to change my mind.

It was a darkness all my own
a song played on the radio,
but it went straight to my heart
I carried it with me
until the darkness was gone...

I built this cloud I can break it
The world cant change how I feel
Because I know its a lie
My heart is real

Gone...


I just had to share this as it made my day nine million and a half times better. I wish I could share the pictures, maybe one day I will be brave enough to share my instagram where all this is.

Have a good night, I'll see you fools tomorrow
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Unread 08-26-2015, 02:48 PM   #158
Millie
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Sounds like a welcome bit of serendipity.

Have a great night.
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Unread 08-26-2015, 03:26 PM   #159
R. Lee
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On the shores of Lake Michigan. That puts you in either Indiana, Illinois,Wisconsin, or Michigan. I live in Northern Michigan 1/2 mile inland from Lake Huron on inland Cedar Lake. Nothing behind my house & Lake Huron but a 1/2 mile swamp & a lake front house. Sturgeon Pint light house is 7 miles north of me.

Have a great day JD.
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Unread 08-26-2015, 11:32 PM   #160
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Hey JD -

I just got off work and am checking in before bed. So glad you made it through court today, and I knew you would!! I will be the exact same way in exactly 2 weeks. And it will continue on until I get through this. Which I will. So will you. I'm wondering what I should use for my court shoes? I feel inspired now. I'm amazed how some people show up to court. Jeans hanging halfway down their legs, boxers showing, ladies in yoga pants. I wouldn't dare! Not that I'm the fashion queen of America, as I'm usually in my cut offs and work shirt, or fitness clothes, but still, I will dress professionally for court. Now I can think about court shoes.

I'm really proud of you for all that you are doing and that you are sober today, despite all the crap hanging over your head. I also listened to that song - cool! I've never seen a lighthouse in real life. We don't have many of them in Iowa. Or probably any. I do live in a little suburb though, and there is a giant field of corn less than half a block from my house. Take care! Jenm
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Unread 08-27-2015, 03:06 AM   #161
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Jenm...you guys have water in Iowa??? I kid. I have only been in your state for a very short time, but in that time I et some of the nicest people I have ever come across. I think it was Davenport. I'm not real sure, as I was 19...and LOST! Didn't mean to get to Iowa, but I did:P As far as court attire goes...I don't wear a suit. I remember from a case almost 15 years ago (no details, but I was the defendant and it was justified, and I was judged exonerated) that my lawyer told me that blue was the most unthreatening color, and that I should dress respectfully, but not show up in a tuxedo. As a blue collar guy, today I wore a pair of grey Dickies, a button up shirt (short sleeve) and a pair of Vans. My tattoos are me, and the fact that it's either shorts and a Tshirt or a suit basically left me with wearing my "winter gear"...pants, and a nice enough patterned button up shirt that I would also wear on any given day. So that was the cue I have been taking. Blue, and not too dressed up but respectful. As far as picking something out, if anything feels lucky, I'd say use it, being superstitious. Otherwise, just be yourself, respectful, humble and most importantly honest. Leave the yoga pants at home:P

R.Lee. I thought you were retried Copper! I'll do the detective work for you. I live in Racine Wisconsin, and the lighthouse I wrote about is in Wind Point, which is in Caledonia, which is in Racine County. It's just south of Milwaukee. If you look at a map of Wisconsin, you will see a land "bump" into the lake just before going too south into Illinois. If you stick a pin into that bump, it would most likely land on my house. I have read your bio about norther Michigan and wondered if it was Real Michigan, or Wisconsin's 11th toe Michigan:P

Jen and R.Lee, folks in this country have no idea what it is like to live here. I've talked to people that call Midwest states "flyover states" because there is nothing to see or do here, but I have to argue that the Midwest is the most beautiful part of the country. If you like flat, pretty and green, we have that. If you like breathtaking shorelines, we have that too. Skylines...Milwaukee and Chicago is where it's at. And if you are looking for the best people on Earth, hey, come visit us, we are here!

http://lighthouse-news.com/wp-conten.../07/windpt.jpg

It's pretty cool to know there are folks in the midwest on this forum. I hope you guys, and all the folks spread over the globe are having strong days.
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Unread 08-27-2015, 08:31 AM   #162
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Hi JD! Oh - I guess I will put my shiny red prom dress away then, with my sparkly red high heels. It was either that or my wedding dress, now I have to figure something out and I have less than 2 weeks!

There is absolutely no water in Iowa. We have some fake lakes. That's about it. There is sand at some of these lakes and people will even call them 'beaches'. Ha!

Good to know about blue for court. I'm not superstitious at all, but I'm willing to take anything at this point. The good news is that we are sober today and what an amazing gift that is. Have a great day! Jenm
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Unread 08-27-2015, 10:21 AM   #163
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JD. We are in L.P. Michigan was given the U.P. when we were at odds with Ohio each wanting Toledo. The U.P. was a much better deal.

Have a great day.
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Unread 08-28-2015, 01:56 AM   #164
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Just checking in...a lot later than I thought I was gonna. It was just a dead day. Lazy. Shoulda checked in earlier, shoulda mowed the lawn. Shoulda done a bunch of stuff today, but I just didn't feel like it. Hope everyone had/has a strong one.
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Unread 08-28-2015, 06:57 AM   #165
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JD i am so proud of you. Sounds like it went better than you were thinking. And im so glad you have lucky shoes haaha.

We are with you, as always xx
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Unread 08-28-2015, 08:53 AM   #166
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JD have a great day.
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Unread 08-28-2015, 11:21 PM   #167
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Not even sure what day it is. This is the biggest problem with my schedule. I ended yesterday with the start of either a rockin chest cold, or the good ole upper respiratory infection that hits me right about this time every year (Thanks Marlboro!) I also woke up with back spasms that I have been dealing with since I was 16-17 or so.

Other than that I am doing ok. Just checking in. I might be absent over the next few days as sitting up sucks. I have some stretching/back rehab shit to do and it is never pleasant, especially without booze to loosen me up.

Hope all is good.
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Unread 08-29-2015, 03:39 AM   #168
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Feel better soon JD!

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Unread 08-29-2015, 05:05 AM   #169
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Went to drug court graduation Tuesday. They have a really neat rehab program with pro
bation officers and counselors working together. 5% recidivism rate. Why don't we have this program all over the country? We don't have to reinvent the wheel.

No, it wasn't my graduation. My niece's husband is a metro judge, and invited me to come and see because he knows I work with kids from juvenile drug court. This was adults. I asked him if I could bring my kids to watch when I get back to YDI.

Congrats, JDI, for getting through it. Onward and upward!!

Susie
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Unread 08-29-2015, 07:24 PM   #170
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JD, Hope it is just a chest cold not lung cancer. (Thanks Marlboro) I hope you have quit smoking.
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Unread 08-30-2015, 05:49 AM   #171
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How you feeling JD? missed chatting, sorry i have been awol.

Hope your chest & back are feeling less sore?

xx
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Unread 08-30-2015, 10:59 AM   #172
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Think through that next urge to drink JD.

Have a great day.
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Unread 08-30-2015, 01:59 PM   #173
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Hey JD -

I hope your back is feeling better. I completely understand back problems. 10 years ago I blew a disc - ruined it. L5/S1. Not good news for someone as active as I am, teaches fitness, loves dancing and movement, playing softball, I could not be a desk job person. After a bunch of unsuccessful attempts at removing the damaged part of the disc and about everything else, I had spinal fusion surgery in 2007. After being prescribed tons of medication for a few years, I found myself on suboxone, and that's ultimately what lead me to this site! I was back in the gym in under 3 months after that surgery and I haven't stopped. Oh how I know what that pain is like......I hope you are doing ok!

I'm glad court went ok - are they doing a PSI and then sentencing? Is that what you're waiting for? I hope you're having a good weekend and that we hear from you soon! Jenm
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Unread 08-30-2015, 03:32 PM   #174
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feel better soon!
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Unread 08-30-2015, 07:19 PM   #175
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Hey folks,

What an incredibly boring last few days it's been. Most of it was spent completely horizontal with the exception of today, when everything finally decided to loosen up so I could work the decompression stuff. I have been fortunate in the exgirlfriend department I think...3 of them have been massage therapists, all of whom taught me ways to "fix" myself when I get beaten up. (they find me folks, I don't go lookin:P)

Jen, my back issues came from playing football in high school. My freshman year at the preseason physical, the doctor gave me the OK to go nuts on weights, as compared to the rest of my family, I was "done" growing. Well, everything went fine that year, but between freshman and sophomore year, in a matter of three months, I grew 6 inches. Joint problems began to pop up, but then sophomore year I pinched the sciatic on one side, junior year I pinched the other...and it's been a fight since then. Not a whole lot doctors can do other than put me on pain killers and muscle relaxers long enough to send me to physical therapy, which I have been through enough to know the routine. I rarely even go to the doctor for it anymore unless I get the numbness in my legs...which tells me I need real help then. For the most part, it is manageable, and the folks that need to know at work know that if show up hurting, I will let them know ASAP and they will schedule me work around it (super light duty stuff) or hand pick a partner for me that knows whats up and will carry the weight. I'm lucky that way.

As far as court goes, I'm not sure what PSI means, but I think you are getting at what is going on. November 4th I will enter a plea, then sentencing will come later.

Alexis, I haven't gone back in reading too far just yet, but it looks like you've been coming back around a little bit more. I hope you keep that up! We missed you around here.

As for this week, I go back to work tomorrow. 4 8 hour days only. They may as well pay us to stay home on this week cause my day is basically done at about 11AM. I usually backshift myself on this week, but I decided to give myself a night shift break for a little while as my brain schedule is WAY out of whack. It'll also give me some good daylight hours to get some of the other things I need to get done for court rolling. Then I have another 6 days off starting friday.

Anyway, thanks for all the well wishes, R.Lee...It's not a tumah!

I hope everyone is doing well. Lets all have a strong week!
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Unread 08-30-2015, 09:57 PM   #176
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JD, Glad you are feeling better.

Think through that next urge to drink.

Have a great tomorrow.
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Unread 08-31-2015, 01:01 AM   #177
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Jd,
Got a chuckle out of your " they find me, I don't go lookin comment". Humor is a sign of better health. Glad your feeling better.
RLee's suggestion to think through that first drink is priceless. I'm hard headed, took me a while to process that but once it sunk in it stuck. And it works. I do it a lot without even thinking about. It helps keep me sober. I'll swear to it!

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Unread 08-31-2015, 04:04 AM   #178
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Ugh, I think this coffee is broken.

I think all the horizontal time messed with sleeping last night. I've been up since a little after midnight, though I did catch a few hours. Thats bad news, but the good news is my back feels pretty ok. I shot a quick game of pool about a half an hour ago and had no pain, so that should be good to go. Other good news is that 8 hour days absolutely fly by when you are used to 12's. Lunch is supposed to be over at a gentleman's 12:30, but we all know how that goes, next thing you know it's 1pm, and its paperwork and shower time:P I get a kick out of telling whoever I'm working with "don't expect to see me after lunch":P We all do it. This week is actually called "Relief Week". Though it is set up for us to "relieve" the back shift due to vacation's if there are any, most of us see it as a blow off week. No big jobs for us.

Anyway, this effectively killed 10 minutes.

I'm not gonna drink today, hope the day is strong for everyone.
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Unread 08-31-2015, 10:06 AM   #179
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Have a great day JD.
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Unread 08-31-2015, 02:24 PM   #180
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Sounds like you're doing well, JD. I know all about back pain - and have drunk through it many times. Which... well, it's no cure! So good on you for staying sober through it. Rock on!
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Unread 08-31-2015, 02:35 PM   #181
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Good news about your back JD, hope it continues to get better. How is your bike? Your cool new shoes?

Mine are falling apart, literally the back of the trainer has caved in. Not sure when ill be able to get new ones so i will just have to be a scruffy artist for now

Hope you have had a good day at work xx
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Unread 08-31-2015, 04:45 PM   #182
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Millie, I'll admit I would drink to get me rolling into the rehab business just to loosen myself up, but drinking is never good for physical pain, I have always known this and have usually been pretty good about killing water until I was better. Water is a wonder fluid for physical pain. I could not tell you the sickening amout of water I took down over the last few days.

Alexis, nothing wrong with some beat down shoes, they have character And the bike hasn't moved with the back stuff going on, but summer is making one last push this week, so I plan on getting it out for a ride over the next few days.

So...I got to work this morning and checked my work email like always, and there was one from the EAP director at work with the subject "Keep On Track". I think Jon ratted me out for not getting back to him for another appointment. Anyway, the email only contained an address and three other doctor's (Psychs) names. I replied with a short message saying that I was gonna call him about this sooner or later anyway and thanked him. We went back and forth for a bit, then wound up going on a rant about Jon. As the boring minutes clicked along today I just thought more about why I got that email, and the fact that Jon reached out to the EAP guy like I was messing up really bugged me. Hey, I'm not the dude that left someone hanging TWICE! The FIRST time (the hardest to make myself go to) and the last, which was the final straw. I didn't hear back from him as I sent it towards the end of the shift, but I plan on calling him after he gets out of work (different plant, different hours).

Walked out of work, it was hot, the sun was out, and I shook the day off even before I got to my truck. It was a boring day, but a frustrating was as the place tried blowing itself up again, right before outage. I just had one quick stop to make to grab some groceries before I got home, where I would relax and do some grilling before an early bed time.

As I grabbed the last bit of what I needed, I came around an aisle, and that is where I met the service dog, who's name I did not get. I absolutely love dogs. Maybe not the tiny ones, but the big ones especially turn me into mush.

Back story: A couple years ago I was (not that it matters to the story but...) at a bar on the south side that had outdoor pet friendly seating, it was a nice night, so we were out there. Up walks this guy with a gorgeous german shepherd, no vest, no tags or anything, and it walked up to me and put it's head on my knee, and I went into Mush mode "Oh who's the pretty puppy?"...I began to pet it (don't know if it was a fella or a lady doggie) and baby talk it like always seems to happen and the guy (attempted) to tear into me. "This is a service animal who is not to be petted by strangers or baby talked keep your hands off..." I replied, and it did not go so well for this guy. Anyway, even though this guy went about it the wrong way, I took a lesson from it, even though this doggie didn't have and credentials on him, I shouldn't play with service animals. I went back and forth with this guy for a good half an hour before I got up, went inside and asked for a bowl of water, took it to the dog (which it guzzled) and said a not so polite "so long" to the guy.

Back to today. I tried to ignore it, but this dog was so beautiful, and different looking I guess from other usual service dogs, that I had to talk to the owner, which is WAY outside of my comfort zone. I never bother anyone, especially sober. Buzzed up in the past, I'd talk to anyone, but I haven't been doing much of that lately. The guy was at the coffee creamer, making a hard decision, long enough for the dog to lay down, so I walk up slow hoping he would turn around so I wouldn't startle him. I point at the pooch doing all it takes to not get down on the ground with him and start playing and ask what kind of dog he is. I couldn't tell you what kind he is now as it seems he had just about every breed in him by description. The dog sat up, and I nearly bent down to pet him but I backed off. He assured me it was cool, but I said nah, if I pet him for a sec, he might be going home with me, plus, I know service dogs are on the clock (forgot to mention the lil guy had a vest on with the proper leash). The guy then openly, without prompt told me all about what his dog did for him. He is a combat veteran (the owner) who "got blown up over seas, has a useless leg and severe back injuries" He said the dog was trained to pick up on symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, blood pressure, and if he ever fell he could help him get back to his feet. I looked at this dog in awe, again having to restrain myself from petting him for being such a good boy. I can't even imagine all the untold this dog does for this guy, aside from the amazing things he was trained for, how much it must help this guy to have the never ending loyalty and unconditional love that only a dog can give.

I told the dude to have himself a great day, and to give to boy an extra treat for me when he punches out for the day, and I was on my way.

LMAO, as I was walking to the check out line, for some reason I was noticing people noticing me, which I never do, because they are never good looks, and I couldn't imagine what this guy might have though at first when I walked up to him. I'm a presence, heavily tattood, and while not that bad of a looking guy, I don't have the friendliest face, I never have. Maybe the dog brought something out.

Now, before anyone says anything, (MOM!) I can't get myself a dog. With my schedule it would just be too cruel to leave one alone for 13 hours a day. I couldn't do it.

That is all. I know it didn't exactly fit the forum's guidelines for a post, but I just wanted to share that.

I hope everyone is good and strong. I am.
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Unread 08-31-2015, 04:53 PM   #183
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Thank you for recognizing that you aren't scheduled to have a dog right now. My dear little dog (Millie!) is left home 8 hours most days and she's really good about it, but even that I feel guilty about. That said, I still turn to mush when I see other people's dogs too. They really are just magical stress-relievers, and all-around amazing creatures.
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Unread 08-31-2015, 09:44 PM   #184
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Oh what a neat story JD! I LOVE dogs. I might be the crazy cat lady right now, but that is because it wouldn't be fair to a dog to live here, either. Our yard isn't fenced in and the boys are all over the place with schedules and I have 4 jobs. I also respect that you recognize not playing with or petting service dogs, I'm amazed at the number of people who do not get that. I've seen parents in stores let their kids run up to these dogs while the dogs are 'working' and it's just not cool. The dogs are supposed to be wearing their vests though - one of my friends from the gym used to train these service dogs for veterans for various reasons, including PTSD. Some lady came into my work (my restaurant job) and had this little scruffy tiny dog in her purse. In. Her. Purse. Clearly not a service dog, clearly just some sort of tiny purse dog, it wasn't my table, but the server got the manager and I don't know what happened. That would be like me putting a harness on my 30lb Joleen cat and taking her to Wal-Mart as my service cat. Perhaps I would then make the 'people of Wal-Mart' page?!?! None of this is really relevant, I'm rambling and have had a tough day.

Anyway also good for you for reaching out and talking to someone. You never know when your talk, smile, or what you say might make the difference in someone's day. I love people and I talk to people everywhere all the time. All of my jobs involve me socializing others, and teaching them fitness. I had 30+ people in my weightlifting class this am and I spazzed out and got excited, yelled, sang (I can't sing), and we got through the tough lifts together. It is fun. I love it!

Today is a good day to be sober. I think I'll try it again tomorrow. Jenm
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Unread 09-01-2015, 04:16 AM   #185
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So last night while dinner was cooking, I sent my pal Tony a text. I did see him at work yesterday, but being a short day for me, getting pulled a hundred different directions, and the fact that there were too many ears around, we didn't get to talk. I didn't see his reply until this morning as I fell asleep very early last night.

Me: Got an Email from ***** today, That !@#$%&!@#$ Jon must have squealed to ***** that I wasn't calling for an appointment. The Email just had three new names and an address. Didn't get a chance to talk to you today, but that's that.

Tony: Geez, you give that old dick bag a lot of credit. I may have asked ***** for good reference in Racine that actually does his job. Sorry if I stepped on your toes but if this clown can't do his job he should retire. We will find some time to talk tomorrow between the panic and the stupid.

Alright, so Jon sat silent, it all makes sense now. Hopefully Tony didn't take my silence last night that I was mad...I was just asleep. Actually I'm pretty touched that he didn't like my statement of "I'm gonna get through the legal shit and then find someone better", and just took one of the steps for me. Yip, I'll call.

Anyway, Went to bed early, so I woke up super early. I think I'm gonna throw some weights around and game plan for the day. I think I know what job I'm getting today, I did one just like it last year but can't for the life of me remember how I did it. I just remember taking a 12 hour job and getting it done in 3 with my partner, who I asked for this time as well.

I'm not gonna drink today. It smells like a strong day, lets take a whiff
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Unread 09-01-2015, 07:38 AM   #186
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Thinking of you JD, struggling a lot today, so will be around here.

Wish i had my dogs with me right now xx
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Unread 09-01-2015, 03:53 PM   #187
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Hang in there Alexis, how far away is bed time for you?
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Unread 09-01-2015, 04:21 PM   #188
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Hang in there Alexis, how far away is bed time for you?
its just past 9pm, so another 3 hours or so. Going to watch another Lynch film though soon with Steve. x
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Unread 09-01-2015, 04:39 PM   #189
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I just deleted a very long rant about my day. Then I sat staring at this computer long enough for the screensaver to come on three times to figure out what to write. Have I had worse days? Oh, for sure.

I am pretty impressed with myself at the moment for how "together" I am after today. Been thinking about the first drink all day, and the second, and the third, but then I made it home and came here.

Babies. I work with fully grown babies all day (or night). As a steward I can NOT win. The bosses are babies, my fellow mechanics are babies, and F'n A don't even get me started on the operators. Heard of the terrible 2's? On a daily basis I have to deal with the Terrible Two-wenty Six to Sixty Three year olds. These fussy little bitches don't like the candy they are given, they don't like being on time out, and they sure don't like it when well...you're honest with them.

Currently I am waiting for the next 25 minutes to pass for Tony to call me on his way home we can have the proper trash session that we were dying for all day (but the babies might here us and we don't want them to get upset because we H-A-T-E T-H-E-M) See what I did there? I spelled it out so they wouldn't know what I was talking about much like most parents do with Ice Cream.

Oh, this worked, writing that last paragraph actually broke my face into a grin for the first time today.

I think I'm gonna go sit in the garage and sweat some of this frustration out. I'm good I'm good. I'm not gonna break a good run because I got pushed too far by a group of pant shitting mouth breathing babies:P

Hope all are strong. I apologize for the colorful post.
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Unread 09-01-2015, 04:43 PM   #190
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Quote:
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its just past 9pm, so another 3 hours or so. Going to watch another Lynch film though soon with Steve. x
Staying up till midnight, wish I could. I wont make it past 7. Again. Are you staying tough today? I am pretty relieved that you aren't alone at least. I did read about your day and it sounded a lot like the one I had the last time I broke. You want help, but no one seems to want to help you. That is a hard one to take on the chin.

I have no idea if this quote thing will work, but here goes nothing.
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Unread 09-02-2015, 05:18 AM   #191
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Running late. Not gonna drink today.

Be strong today folks.
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Unread 09-02-2015, 10:35 AM   #192
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JD,

We often set ourselves up for that first drink long before we take it.

Remember H.A.L.T. : Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. They can be triggers to drink. Anger was always a good excuse for me to drink.

Have a good day,
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Unread 09-02-2015, 04:10 PM   #193
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JD,

We often set ourselves up for that first drink long before we take it.

Remember H.A.L.T. : Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. They can be triggers to drink. Anger was always a good excuse for me to drink.

Have a good day,
Saint
Saint, I am gonna say I was being set up...but I didn't bite. Not even today when I showed up to more of the same. I want to, but I'm not gonna. For today at least. We'll reevaluate in the morning.
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Unread 09-02-2015, 04:14 PM   #194
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Good going, JD!
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Unread 09-02-2015, 05:39 PM   #195
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JD, Way to think through that 1st. drink.

Have a great day.
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Unread 09-02-2015, 05:39 PM   #196
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I'm not much up for writing tonight, as I used as many words in one day as I normally do in a month at work. It was a rough one, with two victories to the dismay of the opponents.

I am still Reading Dark Days by D. Randall Blythe. The current chapter I am on he is talking about...well, I am not gonna go there, but the paragraph ended on something I thought I would share before ditching the computer for the night. I honestly didn't think I was gonna spend a ton of time here tonight as I just need a mental break after the last few days. I just want to eat and watch something stupid on TV until my eyes get heavy.

"I had learned over many years of alcoholism and a bit of bad luck here and there how to endure pain. I had not always done so in the smartest manner. Like the old saying goes, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. I do not enjoy suffering, so I decided I would keep my head down, dig in hard, and focus only on the present as much as possible."
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Unread 09-03-2015, 07:41 AM   #197
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Thats great JD, thanks for sharing. Stay strong my friend xx
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Unread 09-03-2015, 08:49 AM   #198
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Good afternoon JD. Bright blessings to you.

Your last paragraph that recognises you have learnt over many years of alcoholism is absolutely spot on.

When at that stage i urge you to be gentle and kind to yourself. When in the past finding sobriety, a few days without a drink and i "would be at my own throat". Luck has dictated that i am still here and know, inner forgiveness, and outer forgiveness is a good way of having a new start and a clean slate.

How does one become kind to oneself?....Hmmm.....insight i think. Time to trust oneself. After all....if i listen really, really carefully, i can actually hear what i really say to myself.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you JD
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Unread 09-03-2015, 07:50 PM   #199
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Yo,

Sorry I forgot to check in this morning. I woke up in a bad mood because I had a dream about work, which immediately got me thinking about what was in front of me today, which was no fun. I tried throwing some weights around for a bit but my mind wouldn't get off of work and the arguments with management that I had to look forward to.

Either way, after work, I had a meeting with the lawyer. It was good and bad. He called the HOC and let me ask all the questions I needed, which put me at ease as it sounds like the turn around from going in to getting out on electronic monitoring is actually pretty quick unless the judge says no to it, which...well, it may or may not happen. I think the fact that the only two things I have ever been in trouble for are two DUI's and no other criminal offenses will make me a good candidate in an over crowded penal system. That put me at ease, but he did bring up one thing that I somehow have looked over this whole time. 45 day revocation after being found guilty. How the !@#$ am I gonna get to work??? I can get around driving for everything else, but man...that is a big one. If everything works out, the sentencing won't happen until January, which will afford me a new batch of vacation time, which I will use as much as I can, but I might also have to confide in another coworker who lives *kinda* close to me to give me a lift as we will be on the same schedule around that time.

*gotta slow down JD...*

I'm gonna go watch a couple innings then take a shower, maybe do a few other things but I gotta go find something that will rip my brain from today.

Hope all is well.
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Unread 09-04-2015, 05:15 AM   #200
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watch some David Lynch! Thats been the thing keeping me distracted...or good old The Simpsons

Hope today is better for you, hope work eases up.

I think confiding in the colleague is a good idea if you trust them, maybe as soon as you feel comfortable. I think having a plan in place will do wonders for your stress.

Have a good day JD! you rock! xx
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