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 08-25-2015, 05:57 AM #151 Alexis Senior Member   Posts: 3,724 Thanks JD <3 Im glad you have some time off, hopefully you can relax a bit, and prepare for court. We have your back xx
 08-25-2015, 08:06 AM #152 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 Mornin folks, Done with work for 5 days, but my mind is getting on edge again. I have court tomorrow morning at 8:30. I did have some things I wanted to do this morning, but blew them off to try to get my schedule flipped. Hopefully That wasn't a mistake. Hopefully I get to get those things done after court tomorrow. I really should try to stay awake for a bit so I can sleep right, but I am on a caffein crash at the moment and I think I might try to ride that to bed and deal with sleep tonight after I wake up from a snooze. I worry if I try to stay up the thinker (I'm taking that LD) will get me in trouble, but today of all days I need to be focused. I might check in later on tonight, but don't count on it. I am going to stay as far away from thinkin about drinkin as I can today. Hopefully I can check in after i get home tomorrow. I hope you all have strong days. I'm not gonna drink today.
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 08-25-2015, 08:46 AM #153 jenm Senior Member   Posts: 976 Hi JD! Good for you. Get some rest, and check in with us when you can. I am praying for you! Let us know how court goes when you can, and I'm also not gonna drink today. Take care! Jenm
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 08-25-2015, 10:05 AM #154 Alexis Senior Member   Posts: 3,724 I will be thinking of you all day and tomorrow, sending lots of loving thoughts and peace. I hope you can think of us, and it will help. How far back are you from the UK? I will make sure to keep checking here to see you post. Try to relax tonight, get some comfort food, and a funny film to watch. Peace JD xxx
 08-25-2015, 11:12 AM #155 R. Lee Senior Member   Posts: 4,984 JD, Good luck in court. Think through that 1st. drink. Have a nice day.
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 08-26-2015, 02:48 PM #158 Millie Senior Member   Posts: 2,442 Sounds like a welcome bit of serendipity. Have a great night.
 08-26-2015, 03:26 PM #159 R. Lee Senior Member   Posts: 4,984 On the shores of Lake Michigan. That puts you in either Indiana, Illinois,Wisconsin, or Michigan. I live in Northern Michigan 1/2 mile inland from Lake Huron on inland Cedar Lake. Nothing behind my house & Lake Huron but a 1/2 mile swamp & a lake front house. Sturgeon Pint light house is 7 miles north of me. Have a great day JD.
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 08-26-2015, 11:32 PM #160 jenm Senior Member   Posts: 976 Hey JD - I just got off work and am checking in before bed. So glad you made it through court today, and I knew you would!! I will be the exact same way in exactly 2 weeks. And it will continue on until I get through this. Which I will. So will you. I'm wondering what I should use for my court shoes? I feel inspired now. I'm amazed how some people show up to court. Jeans hanging halfway down their legs, boxers showing, ladies in yoga pants. I wouldn't dare! Not that I'm the fashion queen of America, as I'm usually in my cut offs and work shirt, or fitness clothes, but still, I will dress professionally for court. Now I can think about court shoes. I'm really proud of you for all that you are doing and that you are sober today, despite all the crap hanging over your head. I also listened to that song - cool! I've never seen a lighthouse in real life. We don't have many of them in Iowa. Or probably any. I do live in a little suburb though, and there is a giant field of corn less than half a block from my house. Take care! Jenm
 08-27-2015, 03:06 AM #161 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 Jenm...you guys have water in Iowa??? I kid. I have only been in your state for a very short time, but in that time I et some of the nicest people I have ever come across. I think it was Davenport. I'm not real sure, as I was 19...and LOST! Didn't mean to get to Iowa, but I did:P As far as court attire goes...I don't wear a suit. I remember from a case almost 15 years ago (no details, but I was the defendant and it was justified, and I was judged exonerated) that my lawyer told me that blue was the most unthreatening color, and that I should dress respectfully, but not show up in a tuxedo. As a blue collar guy, today I wore a pair of grey Dickies, a button up shirt (short sleeve) and a pair of Vans. My tattoos are me, and the fact that it's either shorts and a Tshirt or a suit basically left me with wearing my "winter gear"...pants, and a nice enough patterned button up shirt that I would also wear on any given day. So that was the cue I have been taking. Blue, and not too dressed up but respectful. As far as picking something out, if anything feels lucky, I'd say use it, being superstitious. Otherwise, just be yourself, respectful, humble and most importantly honest. Leave the yoga pants at home:P R.Lee. I thought you were retried Copper! I'll do the detective work for you. I live in Racine Wisconsin, and the lighthouse I wrote about is in Wind Point, which is in Caledonia, which is in Racine County. It's just south of Milwaukee. If you look at a map of Wisconsin, you will see a land "bump" into the lake just before going too south into Illinois. If you stick a pin into that bump, it would most likely land on my house. I have read your bio about norther Michigan and wondered if it was Real Michigan, or Wisconsin's 11th toe Michigan:P Jen and R.Lee, folks in this country have no idea what it is like to live here. I've talked to people that call Midwest states "flyover states" because there is nothing to see or do here, but I have to argue that the Midwest is the most beautiful part of the country. If you like flat, pretty and green, we have that. If you like breathtaking shorelines, we have that too. Skylines...Milwaukee and Chicago is where it's at. And if you are looking for the best people on Earth, hey, come visit us, we are here! http://lighthouse-news.com/wp-conten.../07/windpt.jpg It's pretty cool to know there are folks in the midwest on this forum. I hope you guys, and all the folks spread over the globe are having strong days.
 08-27-2015, 08:31 AM #162 jenm Senior Member   Posts: 976 Hi JD! Oh - I guess I will put my shiny red prom dress away then, with my sparkly red high heels. It was either that or my wedding dress, now I have to figure something out and I have less than 2 weeks! There is absolutely no water in Iowa. We have some fake lakes. That's about it. There is sand at some of these lakes and people will even call them 'beaches'. Ha! Good to know about blue for court. I'm not superstitious at all, but I'm willing to take anything at this point. The good news is that we are sober today and what an amazing gift that is. Have a great day! Jenm
 08-27-2015, 10:21 AM #163 R. Lee Senior Member   Posts: 4,984 JD. We are in L.P. Michigan was given the U.P. when we were at odds with Ohio each wanting Toledo. The U.P. was a much better deal. Have a great day.
 08-28-2015, 01:56 AM #164 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 Just checking in...a lot later than I thought I was gonna. It was just a dead day. Lazy. Shoulda checked in earlier, shoulda mowed the lawn. Shoulda done a bunch of stuff today, but I just didn't feel like it. Hope everyone had/has a strong one.
 08-28-2015, 06:57 AM #165 Alexis Senior Member   Posts: 3,724 JD i am so proud of you. Sounds like it went better than you were thinking. And im so glad you have lucky shoes haaha. We are with you, as always xx
 08-28-2015, 08:53 AM #166 R. Lee Senior Member   Posts: 4,984 JD have a great day.
 08-28-2015, 11:21 PM #167 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 Not even sure what day it is. This is the biggest problem with my schedule. I ended yesterday with the start of either a rockin chest cold, or the good ole upper respiratory infection that hits me right about this time every year (Thanks Marlboro!) I also woke up with back spasms that I have been dealing with since I was 16-17 or so. Other than that I am doing ok. Just checking in. I might be absent over the next few days as sitting up sucks. I have some stretching/back rehab shit to do and it is never pleasant, especially without booze to loosen me up. Hope all is good.
 08-29-2015, 03:39 AM #168 Saint Senior Member     Posts: 2,364 Feel better soon JD! Saint
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 08-29-2015, 05:05 AM #169 gmasusie Senior Member   Posts: 1,943 Went to drug court graduation Tuesday. They have a really neat rehab program with pro bation officers and counselors working together. 5% recidivism rate. Why don't we have this program all over the country? We don't have to reinvent the wheel. No, it wasn't my graduation. My niece's husband is a metro judge, and invited me to come and see because he knows I work with kids from juvenile drug court. This was adults. I asked him if I could bring my kids to watch when I get back to YDI. Congrats, JDI, for getting through it. Onward and upward!! Susie
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 08-29-2015, 07:24 PM #170 R. Lee Senior Member   Posts: 4,984 JD, Hope it is just a chest cold not lung cancer. (Thanks Marlboro) I hope you have quit smoking.
 08-30-2015, 05:49 AM #171 Alexis Senior Member   Posts: 3,724 How you feeling JD? missed chatting, sorry i have been awol. Hope your chest & back are feeling less sore? xx
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 08-30-2015, 10:59 AM #172 R. Lee Senior Member   Posts: 4,984 Think through that next urge to drink JD. Have a great day.
 08-30-2015, 01:59 PM #173 jenm Senior Member   Posts: 976 Hey JD - I hope your back is feeling better. I completely understand back problems. 10 years ago I blew a disc - ruined it. L5/S1. Not good news for someone as active as I am, teaches fitness, loves dancing and movement, playing softball, I could not be a desk job person. After a bunch of unsuccessful attempts at removing the damaged part of the disc and about everything else, I had spinal fusion surgery in 2007. After being prescribed tons of medication for a few years, I found myself on suboxone, and that's ultimately what lead me to this site! I was back in the gym in under 3 months after that surgery and I haven't stopped. Oh how I know what that pain is like......I hope you are doing ok! I'm glad court went ok - are they doing a PSI and then sentencing? Is that what you're waiting for? I hope you're having a good weekend and that we hear from you soon! Jenm
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 08-30-2015, 03:32 PM #174 lostdog Senior Member   Posts: 2,942 feel better soon!
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 08-30-2015, 07:19 PM #175 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 Hey folks, What an incredibly boring last few days it's been. Most of it was spent completely horizontal with the exception of today, when everything finally decided to loosen up so I could work the decompression stuff. I have been fortunate in the exgirlfriend department I think...3 of them have been massage therapists, all of whom taught me ways to "fix" myself when I get beaten up. (they find me folks, I don't go lookin:P) Jen, my back issues came from playing football in high school. My freshman year at the preseason physical, the doctor gave me the OK to go nuts on weights, as compared to the rest of my family, I was "done" growing. Well, everything went fine that year, but between freshman and sophomore year, in a matter of three months, I grew 6 inches. Joint problems began to pop up, but then sophomore year I pinched the sciatic on one side, junior year I pinched the other...and it's been a fight since then. Not a whole lot doctors can do other than put me on pain killers and muscle relaxers long enough to send me to physical therapy, which I have been through enough to know the routine. I rarely even go to the doctor for it anymore unless I get the numbness in my legs...which tells me I need real help then. For the most part, it is manageable, and the folks that need to know at work know that if show up hurting, I will let them know ASAP and they will schedule me work around it (super light duty stuff) or hand pick a partner for me that knows whats up and will carry the weight. I'm lucky that way. As far as court goes, I'm not sure what PSI means, but I think you are getting at what is going on. November 4th I will enter a plea, then sentencing will come later. Alexis, I haven't gone back in reading too far just yet, but it looks like you've been coming back around a little bit more. I hope you keep that up! We missed you around here. As for this week, I go back to work tomorrow. 4 8 hour days only. They may as well pay us to stay home on this week cause my day is basically done at about 11AM. I usually backshift myself on this week, but I decided to give myself a night shift break for a little while as my brain schedule is WAY out of whack. It'll also give me some good daylight hours to get some of the other things I need to get done for court rolling. Then I have another 6 days off starting friday. Anyway, thanks for all the well wishes, R.Lee...It's not a tumah! I hope everyone is doing well. Lets all have a strong week!
 08-30-2015, 09:57 PM #176 R. Lee Senior Member   Posts: 4,984 JD, Glad you are feeling better. Think through that next urge to drink. Have a great tomorrow.
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 08-31-2015, 01:01 AM #177 Saint Senior Member     Posts: 2,364 Jd, Got a chuckle out of your " they find me, I don't go lookin comment". Humor is a sign of better health. Glad your feeling better. RLee's suggestion to think through that first drink is priceless. I'm hard headed, took me a while to process that but once it sunk in it stuck. And it works. I do it a lot without even thinking about. It helps keep me sober. I'll swear to it! Regards, Saint
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 08-31-2015, 04:04 AM #178 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 Ugh, I think this coffee is broken. I think all the horizontal time messed with sleeping last night. I've been up since a little after midnight, though I did catch a few hours. Thats bad news, but the good news is my back feels pretty ok. I shot a quick game of pool about a half an hour ago and had no pain, so that should be good to go. Other good news is that 8 hour days absolutely fly by when you are used to 12's. Lunch is supposed to be over at a gentleman's 12:30, but we all know how that goes, next thing you know it's 1pm, and its paperwork and shower time:P I get a kick out of telling whoever I'm working with "don't expect to see me after lunch":P We all do it. This week is actually called "Relief Week". Though it is set up for us to "relieve" the back shift due to vacation's if there are any, most of us see it as a blow off week. No big jobs for us. Anyway, this effectively killed 10 minutes. I'm not gonna drink today, hope the day is strong for everyone.
 08-31-2015, 10:06 AM #179 R. Lee Senior Member   Posts: 4,984 Have a great day JD.
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 08-31-2015, 02:24 PM #180 Millie Senior Member   Posts: 2,442 Sounds like you're doing well, JD. I know all about back pain - and have drunk through it many times. Which... well, it's no cure! So good on you for staying sober through it. Rock on!
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 08-31-2015, 02:35 PM #181 Alexis Senior Member   Posts: 3,724 Good news about your back JD, hope it continues to get better. How is your bike? Your cool new shoes? Mine are falling apart, literally the back of the trainer has caved in. Not sure when ill be able to get new ones so i will just have to be a scruffy artist for now Hope you have had a good day at work xx
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 08-31-2015, 04:53 PM #183 Millie Senior Member   Posts: 2,442 Thank you for recognizing that you aren't scheduled to have a dog right now. My dear little dog (Millie!) is left home 8 hours most days and she's really good about it, but even that I feel guilty about. That said, I still turn to mush when I see other people's dogs too. They really are just magical stress-relievers, and all-around amazing creatures.
 08-31-2015, 09:44 PM #184 jenm Senior Member   Posts: 976 Oh what a neat story JD! I LOVE dogs. I might be the crazy cat lady right now, but that is because it wouldn't be fair to a dog to live here, either. Our yard isn't fenced in and the boys are all over the place with schedules and I have 4 jobs. I also respect that you recognize not playing with or petting service dogs, I'm amazed at the number of people who do not get that. I've seen parents in stores let their kids run up to these dogs while the dogs are 'working' and it's just not cool. The dogs are supposed to be wearing their vests though - one of my friends from the gym used to train these service dogs for veterans for various reasons, including PTSD. Some lady came into my work (my restaurant job) and had this little scruffy tiny dog in her purse. In. Her. Purse. Clearly not a service dog, clearly just some sort of tiny purse dog, it wasn't my table, but the server got the manager and I don't know what happened. That would be like me putting a harness on my 30lb Joleen cat and taking her to Wal-Mart as my service cat. Perhaps I would then make the 'people of Wal-Mart' page?!?! None of this is really relevant, I'm rambling and have had a tough day. Anyway also good for you for reaching out and talking to someone. You never know when your talk, smile, or what you say might make the difference in someone's day. I love people and I talk to people everywhere all the time. All of my jobs involve me socializing others, and teaching them fitness. I had 30+ people in my weightlifting class this am and I spazzed out and got excited, yelled, sang (I can't sing), and we got through the tough lifts together. It is fun. I love it! Today is a good day to be sober. I think I'll try it again tomorrow. Jenm
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 09-01-2015, 04:16 AM #185 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 So last night while dinner was cooking, I sent my pal Tony a text. I did see him at work yesterday, but being a short day for me, getting pulled a hundred different directions, and the fact that there were too many ears around, we didn't get to talk. I didn't see his reply until this morning as I fell asleep very early last night. Me: Got an Email from ***** today, That !@#$%&!@#$ Jon must have squealed to ***** that I wasn't calling for an appointment. The Email just had three new names and an address. Didn't get a chance to talk to you today, but that's that. Tony: Geez, you give that old dick bag a lot of credit. I may have asked ***** for good reference in Racine that actually does his job. Sorry if I stepped on your toes but if this clown can't do his job he should retire. We will find some time to talk tomorrow between the panic and the stupid. Alright, so Jon sat silent, it all makes sense now. Hopefully Tony didn't take my silence last night that I was mad...I was just asleep. Actually I'm pretty touched that he didn't like my statement of "I'm gonna get through the legal shit and then find someone better", and just took one of the steps for me. Yip, I'll call. Anyway, Went to bed early, so I woke up super early. I think I'm gonna throw some weights around and game plan for the day. I think I know what job I'm getting today, I did one just like it last year but can't for the life of me remember how I did it. I just remember taking a 12 hour job and getting it done in 3 with my partner, who I asked for this time as well. I'm not gonna drink today. It smells like a strong day, lets take a whiff
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 09-01-2015, 07:38 AM #186 Alexis Senior Member   Posts: 3,724 Thinking of you JD, struggling a lot today, so will be around here. Wish i had my dogs with me right now xx
 09-01-2015, 03:53 PM #187 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 Hang in there Alexis, how far away is bed time for you?
09-01-2015, 04:21 PM   #188
Alexis
Senior Member

Posts: 3,724

Quote:
 Originally Posted by jditoday Hang in there Alexis, how far away is bed time for you?
its just past 9pm, so another 3 hours or so. Going to watch another Lynch film though soon with Steve. x

 09-01-2015, 04:39 PM #189 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 I just deleted a very long rant about my day. Then I sat staring at this computer long enough for the screensaver to come on three times to figure out what to write. Have I had worse days? Oh, for sure. I am pretty impressed with myself at the moment for how "together" I am after today. Been thinking about the first drink all day, and the second, and the third, but then I made it home and came here. Babies. I work with fully grown babies all day (or night). As a steward I can NOT win. The bosses are babies, my fellow mechanics are babies, and F'n A don't even get me started on the operators. Heard of the terrible 2's? On a daily basis I have to deal with the Terrible Two-wenty Six to Sixty Three year olds. These fussy little bitches don't like the candy they are given, they don't like being on time out, and they sure don't like it when well...you're honest with them. Currently I am waiting for the next 25 minutes to pass for Tony to call me on his way home we can have the proper trash session that we were dying for all day (but the babies might here us and we don't want them to get upset because we H-A-T-E T-H-E-M) See what I did there? I spelled it out so they wouldn't know what I was talking about much like most parents do with Ice Cream. Oh, this worked, writing that last paragraph actually broke my face into a grin for the first time today. I think I'm gonna go sit in the garage and sweat some of this frustration out. I'm good I'm good. I'm not gonna break a good run because I got pushed too far by a group of pant shitting mouth breathing babies:P Hope all are strong. I apologize for the colorful post.
09-01-2015, 04:43 PM   #190
jditoday
Member

Posts: 114

Quote:
 Originally Posted by Alexis its just past 9pm, so another 3 hours or so. Going to watch another Lynch film though soon with Steve. x
Staying up till midnight, wish I could. I wont make it past 7. Again. Are you staying tough today? I am pretty relieved that you aren't alone at least. I did read about your day and it sounded a lot like the one I had the last time I broke. You want help, but no one seems to want to help you. That is a hard one to take on the chin.

I have no idea if this quote thing will work, but here goes nothing.

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 09-02-2015, 05:18 AM #191 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 Running late. Not gonna drink today. Be strong today folks.
 09-02-2015, 10:35 AM #192 Saint Senior Member     Posts: 2,364 JD, We often set ourselves up for that first drink long before we take it. Remember H.A.L.T. : Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. They can be triggers to drink. Anger was always a good excuse for me to drink. Have a good day, Saint
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09-02-2015, 04:10 PM   #193
jditoday
Member

Posts: 114

Quote:
 Originally Posted by Saint JD, We often set ourselves up for that first drink long before we take it. Remember H.A.L.T. : Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. They can be triggers to drink. Anger was always a good excuse for me to drink. Have a good day, Saint
Saint, I am gonna say I was being set up...but I didn't bite. Not even today when I showed up to more of the same. I want to, but I'm not gonna. For today at least. We'll reevaluate in the morning.

 09-02-2015, 04:14 PM #194 Millie Senior Member   Posts: 2,442 Good going, JD!
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 09-02-2015, 05:39 PM #195 R. Lee Senior Member   Posts: 4,984 JD, Way to think through that 1st. drink. Have a great day.
 09-02-2015, 05:39 PM #196 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 I'm not much up for writing tonight, as I used as many words in one day as I normally do in a month at work. It was a rough one, with two victories to the dismay of the opponents. I am still Reading Dark Days by D. Randall Blythe. The current chapter I am on he is talking about...well, I am not gonna go there, but the paragraph ended on something I thought I would share before ditching the computer for the night. I honestly didn't think I was gonna spend a ton of time here tonight as I just need a mental break after the last few days. I just want to eat and watch something stupid on TV until my eyes get heavy. "I had learned over many years of alcoholism and a bit of bad luck here and there how to endure pain. I had not always done so in the smartest manner. Like the old saying goes, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. I do not enjoy suffering, so I decided I would keep my head down, dig in hard, and focus only on the present as much as possible."
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 09-03-2015, 07:41 AM #197 Alexis Senior Member   Posts: 3,724 Thats great JD, thanks for sharing. Stay strong my friend xx
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 09-03-2015, 08:49 AM #198 Tryntryagain Senior Member   Posts: 3,249 Good afternoon JD. Bright blessings to you. Your last paragraph that recognises you have learnt over many years of alcoholism is absolutely spot on. When at that stage i urge you to be gentle and kind to yourself. When in the past finding sobriety, a few days without a drink and i "would be at my own throat". Luck has dictated that i am still here and know, inner forgiveness, and outer forgiveness is a good way of having a new start and a clean slate. How does one become kind to oneself?....Hmmm.....insight i think. Time to trust oneself. After all....if i listen really, really carefully, i can actually hear what i really say to myself. Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you JD
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 09-03-2015, 07:50 PM #199 jditoday Member   Posts: 114 Yo, Sorry I forgot to check in this morning. I woke up in a bad mood because I had a dream about work, which immediately got me thinking about what was in front of me today, which was no fun. I tried throwing some weights around for a bit but my mind wouldn't get off of work and the arguments with management that I had to look forward to. Either way, after work, I had a meeting with the lawyer. It was good and bad. He called the HOC and let me ask all the questions I needed, which put me at ease as it sounds like the turn around from going in to getting out on electronic monitoring is actually pretty quick unless the judge says no to it, which...well, it may or may not happen. I think the fact that the only two things I have ever been in trouble for are two DUI's and no other criminal offenses will make me a good candidate in an over crowded penal system. That put me at ease, but he did bring up one thing that I somehow have looked over this whole time. 45 day revocation after being found guilty. How the !@#\$ am I gonna get to work??? I can get around driving for everything else, but man...that is a big one. If everything works out, the sentencing won't happen until January, which will afford me a new batch of vacation time, which I will use as much as I can, but I might also have to confide in another coworker who lives *kinda* close to me to give me a lift as we will be on the same schedule around that time. *gotta slow down JD...* I'm gonna go watch a couple innings then take a shower, maybe do a few other things but I gotta go find something that will rip my brain from today. Hope all is well.
 09-04-2015, 05:15 AM #200 Alexis Senior Member   Posts: 3,724 watch some David Lynch! Thats been the thing keeping me distracted...or good old The Simpsons Hope today is better for you, hope work eases up. I think confiding in the colleague is a good idea if you trust them, maybe as soon as you feel comfortable. I think having a plan in place will do wonders for your stress. Have a good day JD! you rock! xx
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