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Unread 05-23-2015, 09:13 AM   #1
FreeMeForever
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Default Taper down and stop

Hellol everyone here's my story... I used Heroin daily for over a year then suboxone came out and I switched to taking that. Got them on the street for years then decided to get a doctor to help me ween down.
I was set to end my program this July but when I went for my last appt the doc was upset my levels were low and he wanted me
to continue taking 1/2 a day...At that point I realized I had to stop seeing him and taper down myself. 3 weeks ago I was taking 1/2 a day morning dose and after work, then I dropped to 1/4 and last week I was taking .5mg a day only before work 5:30am. I was honest with everyone at work and have a great support team in place and have all next week off so I can finally take my life back! Today is day 2 no sub!
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Unread 05-23-2015, 02:47 PM   #2
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Hi FreeMeForever,

Welcome to the forum. Congratulations on taking your life back! How are you feeling? If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. It's great that you have good support and that you can be off work this next week. Try to walk each day or do some kind of exercise, as it really helps!

Take good care of yourself and keep us posted.

Best,
Elizabeth
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Unread 05-23-2015, 04:20 PM   #3
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FreeMeForever,

Welcome to the site. Each person needs to do what is best for them, and each taper seems to be highly individualized. Just listen to your body and adjust your taper accordingly. I'm sure you're going to do great!

Thanks,
Morphing
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Unread 05-23-2015, 06:46 PM   #4
FreeMeForever
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Thank you for replies I'm Ryan by the way. My doc didn't seem interested in dropping me below 4mg a day so I stopped seeing him and right away dropped to 2mg and felt horrible for like 5 days then the next week I dropped to .5 a day all one a day doses done before work at 5:30am.

Thursday morning was my last dose and now Saturday almost 6pm here I'm feeling horrible... I've tried to stop before and failed partly because I didn't wan it bad enough and I wasn't ready also was never honest with everyone around me... When I told my boss and guys at work they were stunned and I explained to them if your not abusing Suboxone most people will never kno...telling the 1st person was the hardest my best friend from work I had tears rolling downy face but after I felt better and it gave me strength to tell my boss then everyone else...

Thanks for your support I'm checking this often trying to stay occupied with 10 different things! I did a walk this morning and soon will take my 2nd of the day! Bringing paper towels also cause when the toilet calls I'm running...
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Unread 05-23-2015, 11:24 PM   #5
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Wow! That was a really rapid taper! You seem pretty determined this time. Keep us posted.
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Unread 05-24-2015, 07:46 AM   #6
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Hi Ryan, are you able to eat and stay hydrated? How is your sleep? Staying busy and walking will definitely help - gets your natural endorphins going. B12 might be helpful for energy; melatonin, valerian root, chamomile tea for sleep; potassium, magnesium, Hylands Restful Legs if you get restless legs. Immodium for your stomach issues.

Your positive attitude will also help immensely!

Keep us posted.

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Unread 05-24-2015, 08:45 AM   #7
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Again thanks for replies! Today is day 3 7:40am here. Last night I was thrashing in bed going crazy I took 2 clonodine put my headphones on with a mix of my favorite rock and fell asleep. I'm drinking Gatorade and trying my best to force food down it's not working tho. I'm trying everything to stay occupied PS4, music, wood burning, movies I just can't stay still that's the problem!
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Unread 05-24-2015, 05:07 PM   #8
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Hi Ryan,
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm at the tail end of a lengthy taper and your determination is inspiring for me. I hope the withdrawal symptoms ease up for you soon. I noticed after my last drop that I had more energy during the day if I didn't take anything to fall asleep the night before. It seems like the OTC sleep aids sometimes make me lethargic the next day.
The L-Tyrosine and B-complex vitamins are all helpful too. I've been taking them every day and I notice a difference.
Keep up the good work! You are an inspiration to us.

Erin
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Unread 05-24-2015, 05:12 PM   #9
FreeMeForever
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That's awesome the tail end does that mean you stopped or still tapering?!
4:10pm here went on a long walk this morning getting ready for my next. Also today I wrote my story down on paper from the begining not finished yet but I'm 3 pages in.
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Unread 05-25-2015, 06:23 AM   #10
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Hello!
I'm at about .125 right now and feeling pretty good so I'm going to start skipping days soon I think.
It's awesome that you are writing your story down! I love reading and writing, so during my times of stress, writing is my solace. I think it will be healing for you.
Keep up the good work!
Erin
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Unread 05-25-2015, 10:07 AM   #11
FreeMeForever
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That's awesome whatever works best for you! Like someone said each taper seems to be very different mine was fast and painful I felt ok at work but by the time I was home I felt horrible.
Here I am day 4!!! Feel the same as yesterday pretty intense symptoms and my legs are sore from the walking but I think the walks are helping me more than anything! Sneezing constantly but it feels good cause for some reason when taking sub for 7 years I only sneezed a handful of times it stops my body from doing it...still drinking Gatorade and not having much luck eating but I'm forcing something down everyday...
Happy Memorial Day everyone I'll check back in a bit
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Unread 05-26-2015, 01:53 PM   #12
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Congratulations Freemeforever for making it to day 4. The w/d's symptoms will eventually go and you will be so happy being free from it all. It is a real crappy way to live addicted to a little pill everyday.. There is no freedom in that. .. I to am doing a sub taper, ready to jump soon. I made it off 12 years of morphine, 10 months of suboxone to nothing. I did use a little codeine to help with the sub w/d's as I was coming off 4mg. I used it for only a couple of weeks, and it helped me. I knew the small amount of codeine would not be an issue for me, just a tool to help me through. I think from reading so many other peoples stories I have an irrational fear of w/d.. I don't know if it is living alone, but I get so anxious and fretful.. I figure whatever helps is worth it. .

Keep up the good work.

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Unread 05-26-2015, 05:29 PM   #13
FreeMeForever
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So happy to hear that were all in this together no matter where we are in the world!
Today Day 5 went on a very long bike ride legs are sore but the exercise is helping a lot! Just want the restless legs to go away at night it drives me nuts! I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel step by step I'll get there!
Sober Life
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Unread 05-27-2015, 07:17 AM   #14
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Hi FreeMeForever, have you tried potassium and magnesium at night for the RLS? If you're taking benedryl for allergies or to sleep, you might want to not take it - for some it exacerbates the RLS.

Keep up the fabulous work, especially with the exercise!

Nancy
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Unread 05-27-2015, 12:28 PM   #15
FreeMeForever
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Thanks Nancy and yes I'm taking both not benedryl tho. Today is day 6 and the best I've felt!!! I just got home from a 13 mile bike ride it felt amazing even through the pain! Last night I didn't take any sleep aides only got about 4 hours but it's all good don't wanna get dependent on clonodine so from how I'm feeling today I won't be needing them anymore they did help a lot days 1-4. As long as I can make it down my steps tonight I'll be going to my 1st NA meeting! Thanks everyone for your advice and support I've followed it all!
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Unread 05-27-2015, 08:07 PM   #16
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Hi again, that's so exciting that you feel so good! Hopefully you're not too sore to make it down the steps to your meeting.

I'm very happy for you!

Nancy
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Unread 05-28-2015, 11:25 AM   #17
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Day 7 officially 1 week clean!!! Got about 6 hours sleep last night and so far today I'm feeling very restless n have no energy. Gonna head out on my bike ride soon. Going back to work Monday so I'm praying I can sleep n eat normal by then.
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Unread 05-30-2015, 08:04 AM   #18
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Hello everyone! Day 9 today got 1 more day off then back to work Monday! These last 9 days have been mentally and physically rough to say the least. Everyday it gets a little better night 4 was personally the hardest for me. After being on subs for 7 years this is a big change and my best advice to those out there wanting stop probably feeling trapped like I did is Be Honest with the people around you work, friends, family I never understood what people ment when they said admitting the problem is the 1st step I never had a problem admitting it myself, admitting it to others who had no idea was very hard but helped a lot! When being sick every encouraging message and call or post on this site makes a difference!
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Unread 05-30-2015, 01:50 PM   #19
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Wow, way to go! I think you might find it easier once you get back to work and have your mind occupied with other things. That seems to be a big part of the problem, thinking too much about the process. We're rooting for you!
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Unread 05-31-2015, 08:23 AM   #20
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Hi Ryan, congrats on day 10 now! I think morphing has a point about getting back to work - you'll be too busy to think about how you're feeling. I hope you'll still have time to exercise though!

Erin mentioned L-Tyrosine and B-complex vitamins for energy. Have you tried those yet? They worked for Angie (GirlGettingOffSubs) also when she tapered and after she jumped.

How did you sleep last night?

Nancy
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Unread 05-31-2015, 09:40 PM   #21
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Thanks Nancy and yes here's day 10 coming to a close! I got stocked on vitamins today an amino supplement, Vitamin A/B/C, milk thistle, valarian root and the magnesium and potassium I've been taking! Went to a meeting last night I rode my bike super fast home cause it started to rain so good workout! I'm praying that's how I feel at work I'm always busy i do restoration on classic car parts so I'm getting different stuff dropped on me all the time! I'm sharing this site with friends cause you all have been very supportive and informative I'm grateful for everything! See ya tomorrow! One day at a time 😃
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Unread 06-01-2015, 06:32 AM   #22
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Hey Ryan,
Congrats on day 10! You are doing such a great job and have an amazing attitude. I'm really glad you shared your story. I'm on day 6 today and it's really encouraging for me to read your posts and know someone else is doing it right now too. Keep up the good work

Erin
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Unread 06-01-2015, 08:07 AM   #23
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Hi Ryan, I hope work goes well for you today. I think you'll do fine, especially at day 11. I'm glad you found us and we could be of help and support!

Have a great day at work!!

Nancy
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Unread 06-01-2015, 08:18 AM   #24
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I am so happy for you that you have come this far. Ten days clean and free. It will definitely only get better and better for you.... I think your ability to exercise throughout this is so key in your recovery by keeping your brain active .. You are a real inspiration to me. I made it 6 months off subs and relapsed for 5 weeks . I am happy to say I am now on day 4 off subs, so I will join you on the road to recovery.

Please keep posting and tell us how every day is getting better...

Believe you are free and it will be yours.

have a great day
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Unread 06-01-2015, 11:53 PM   #25
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Day 11 down!!! Work went great I felt crappy till 9:30 break then ate and started feeling much better! So gotta each breakfast or protein shake in AM my appetite is uncontrollable right now lol 😃 see you all tomorrow stay strong one day at a time!
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Unread 06-02-2015, 07:44 AM   #26
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Hi Ryan, don't forget to eat breakfast!! Happy to hear work went great!!

Have a good day!

Nancy
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Unread 06-02-2015, 11:28 AM   #27
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Hi Ryan,

I just wanted to say you are such an inspiration and I am so proud of you! Attitude is so important and yours is absolutely fabulous! Keep up the great work! I noticed when I jumped my appetite increased so much but my sweet tooth pretty much disappeared. Also, the bike rides will keep your natural endorphins up which is great and will increase your healing! Thanks for always posting on here and keep it up!

Angie
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Unread 06-02-2015, 08:34 PM   #28
Want2BFree
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Hey Ryan,

You are my big inspiration ... I am so so happy for you.. I think you are really close to a turning point where those pesky physical symptoms will be gone, and since yourexercising everyday you have a head start on any symptoms of depression.. those had lasted for me about 2 months.. It started with feeling good one day followed by 4 or 5 kinda blah ones, then 2 good to 3 or 4 down ones, then soon I had more good ones than off ones... and then by 6 months it was all good.. so good. I'm hoping since my relapse was only 5 weeks I'll be feeling back to normal very quickly.. I was really amazed at how quickly though everything was coming back to normal when I had been so scared for so long that there would be nothing left of me.. that my brain had been too messed up from the years of morphine and Suboxone.. but it wasn't.. the brain is so so amazing in it's ability to heal.

I can't wait to hear how your day went.. Mine was pretty good.. I was able to get out and cut the grass... shopped... went into my pharmacy to renew my gabapentin prescription..and was so happy to tell them I wouldn't be getting Suboxone anymore.. called the clinic where my new sub dr. was and told them I wouldn't be in, that I had just stopped it..went to the library. Tomorrow I am aiming at going swimming in the a.m. early..

Blessings
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Unread 06-03-2015, 05:48 AM   #29
FreeMeForever
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We all inspire eachother here truly this site is awesome! Day 12 was better than 11 and I hadn't slept well a couple nights in a row so I took my vitamins after lunch instead on after dinner and had no trouble falling asleep last night! Yesterday seemed to be a fatigue day after working 10hrs came home n was sleeping by 7pm lol! Now I'm up at 4:30am an hour early but it's ok got caught up on sleep!

Day 13 today!!! Main symptoms I have left are shakiness, kness ache, and restlessness at random times! We'll see how work goes today I'll check in after I get home! One day at a time 😃
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Unread 06-04-2015, 06:29 PM   #30
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Day 14 coming to a close! I'll be honest I've been looking forward to hitting day 14 thinking I would be feeling awesome but today sucked... I was in my head at work just going nuts talked to a few SOBER friends on my lunch break and that really helped me out! My appetite is still crazy and random restlessness and aches but my kness aren't constantly aching anymore I get small breaks which is progress! Tomorrow's Friday I'm pumped we only work 8 hours Friday so should be a quick day! I'll see you all later 😃
One day at a time!
Ryan
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Unread 06-04-2015, 06:58 PM   #31
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Hey Ryan,

Sorry you had a bad day but believe me it will get better.. You are still early off the subs. Just really enjoy the good days and prepare mentally for the bad. the bad will further apart and the good even better. I found it was the 2 month mark when all my days were good. Sure I had some aches and pains I didn't feel on the morphine or suboxone, but the dependence on those was just worth it.

Now on day 7 of my second go around.. relapse or whatever. I didn't feel as good today as yesterday so I am not pushing myself... I did go out and hunt down L-Tyrosine. I've heard many people rave about it, and Angie here said it helped her a lot. I found it, so started taking it.. I hope it helps because my symptom now is feeling weak, sweats, and not being able to focus.. Are you taking it in your assortment of vitamins?

I hope you have a great short day at work... 8 hrs sounds like a full day to me though, but I haven't worked in a few years ... You are truly remarkable Ryan how well you doing..and yes stick to your Sober friends.. we are just one pill away from addiction.

Be Strong

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Unread 06-04-2015, 11:10 PM   #32
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Congrats to you bravo and way ta' go!

Glad you found the support here helpful. I found it wonderful to have people chime in and support me in my darkest days. I was able to wean off but I did it super slow because I just felt I did not have another full blown opiate withdrawal in me. I kinda felt like one more and I will die. Funny (well funny strange not funny ha-ha) The few hours just before they started the suboxone (I was in a psych center in a clinicial trial run by Columbia Presbyterian) I was in a dreadful state. I remember having the hospital's usual run of tests and at the EKG, my head kept banging into the table. To this day I wonder how in the heck they got any kinda reading. I say this because you mention the restless shaky leg thing we all ID with-I was kicking and jumping off the bed but the head banging was a new one-just felt like sharing that because it came to mind thinking how bad WD can be.
Actually I suppose I have held a resentment that the attendant let me thrash around like that-I worked as a psychiatric aide and if it were me, I'd grab a pillow or towel so the poor chap did not get hurt. He turned out to me a nice guy but still...

Anyway, back to you Lol
Stay with it and soon enough you'll look back at a year behind you. In my case my pain issues became too intense and after trying every known non opiate med, after a year off of suboxone I went slowly back on. I have no regrets and have even noted except for some mild clouded headiness and constipation, I feel little difference from when I was a year off.

I say this only as a matter of fact so as to help one in the same boat who battles severe pain daily. I share this also to be upfront when offering praise and/or advice. I have as they say "been there and done that" even if I am currently back on bupe.

Advice? well I gotta admit it oft times sounds the same but I prefer-suggestions!

God bless

Glen

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Unread 06-05-2015, 07:50 AM   #33
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Hi Ryan, you handled getting out of your head perfectly! Do you have anything planned for the weekend - especially fun things to do to keep yourself a little busy if you start getting those thoughts? 2 weeks is fabulous. Keep doing what you're doing, it's working!

Nancy
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Unread 06-05-2015, 12:24 PM   #34
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Ryan-

Sounds like your coping skills are spot on, which is fantastic. It's easy to get into the circus in our heads (I know mine has a major circus 23 hours a day pretty much). You are doing so great and I like to see how your days go and I read your posts everyday. Just wanted to send over some good support vibes from Pennsylvania!

Take care,
Angie

Keep drinking a lot of water too it helps.
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Unread 06-06-2015, 07:18 AM   #35
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Time for some good news huh!!! Day 15 was by far the best day I've had even in the morning all through the day I felt amazing! Still have some lingering symptoms being Shakey is tough for me with the kinda work I do and I'm not used to it and aches and such are still here n there.
Waking up today it's Day 16 and I feel good again I'm hoping that the super crappy day 14 was a turning point for me. I'll check back in later plans for the weekend I have NA tonight and I'll do bike riding and working out possible meeting Sunday if I can get a ride!
One day at a time! And when I was in the Army I went to church every Sunday since coming home I stopped. Over the past 16 days I've prayed multiple times and no matter what you believe in just having FAITH will help I promise you that!!!
I'm from Pennsylvania also lol Erie northwest corner!

Ryan
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Unread 06-06-2015, 07:52 AM   #36
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Hi Ryan, first of all, thank you for serving our country and protecting our freedom.

That's great to hear how good yesterday was! I know you said your appetite is uncontrollable right now, but are you eating well? Like enough protein versus sugars? Do you drink a lot of coffee or soda? Just wondering out loud in case you need to adjust to less sugar and/or caffeine and more protein.

May today be even better!!!

Nancy
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Unread 06-06-2015, 01:34 PM   #37
FreeMeForever
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Thanks Nancy! And ya food wise wow whatever I see I guess and protein wise I'm probably taking in to much with the added protein shakes at 25g each! It's odd I used to drink 2 cokes a day but since stopping I've only drank 1 like day 7 and it made me feel worse I thought do haven't tried again lol... Besides that it's Gatorade all day and 2 cups of
Coffee one In am one in early evening!
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Unread 06-06-2015, 01:43 PM   #38
morphing
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Hey Ryan,


"I'm from Pennsylvania also lol Erie northwest corner!"

There are several of us on here that have roots in PA. I graduated High School in Gettysburg. GirlGettingOffSubs lives in PA as well.

I have since been transplanted to the South, but still have family in PA.

I hope you've turned the corner and will get better and better every day now!

Thanks,
Morphing

EDIT: Oops, I just scrolled down and saw that Girl told you she was from PA.
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Unread 06-07-2015, 08:30 AM   #39
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Hello everyone! Today day 17 I woke up feeling great the lingering symptoms are still present but I'll take it! Yesterday had plans all week to go to my home group meeting and it was awesome I also got the oppurtunity to ride with a couple of the guys to a HA meeting after then a bonfire meeting last night so 3 meetings couldn't have asked for a better more positive Saturday! I left wearing white tees and by night it was cold hoping u don't get sick!
Today there's a beach meeting I'll be going to mid day! The meetings help more than I would have ever guessed listining and talking with no feelings of being judged it's inspiring and humbling would recommend it to anyone reading this who hasn't ever went. One day at a time everyone 😃

Ryan
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Unread 06-09-2015, 12:18 AM   #40
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Hello everyone! Day 18 coming to a close today was also my birthday! Usually I don't celebrate getting older but today was my 1st truly sober bday in 7 years I turned 28 and even tho I didn't do anything besides work and eat today it was a special day! Hope everyone is well I'm still not 100% but im getting closer everyday! See ya tomorrow, one day at a time!

Ryan
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Unread 06-09-2015, 06:08 AM   #41
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Congratulations Ryan! You have come so far and you are doing an amazing job. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! I hope you had a good day, even if you were at work for most of it.
I'm on day 14 now. Most of my symptoms are gone, but I'm still tired all the time. It's definitely worse on those super long work days.
I think you mentioned something about protein shakes. Which ones do you get? I might want to give it a try.
Hang in there, you are doing great

Erin
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Unread 06-09-2015, 07:19 AM   #42
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Happy belated birthday Ryan! You did do something very special yesterday - we have a lot more people here who read rather than post - I'm sure you've been an inspiration to at least one person that recovery is possible. Fabulous job!

Nancy
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Unread 06-09-2015, 07:28 AM   #43
GirlGettingOffSubs
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Ryan-

Congrats on all your progress that is amazing! I was racking my brain imagining how you are getting to beach meetings in this lovely state and thanks morphing for requoting that he lives in Erie. I remember going to whatever massive amusement park is up there (I am still half asleep) it was so much fun and it went over the beach. Aaaah! Cedar point! Thanks coffee!

Also-I am so glad you get so much out of meetings they meant the world to me for a long time and I moved now and should get started up again. Hey-since you live in Erie (prob a longshot) years ago I lived in pgh and hung around with this kid Marc who is a singer from a band originally from Erie called the code. Just wondering.

Anyhow happy birthday! You aren't old at all my goodness it's all in how you feel. I am 35 but people always assume I am in my 20s probably my behavior haha.

Have a great day!
Angie
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Unread 06-10-2015, 11:14 PM   #44
FreeMeForever
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Day 20!!!!!!! Work went by so slow today all I wanted to do was be
Outside! After getting cleaned up i took a bike ride down to the lake
And watched an amazing sunset it's so peaceful and allows me to clear my mind! Symptoms
Now are random restlessness aches come and go in my legs and back most of it now is
Mental literally getting to kno yourself all over again it's crazy!
A old friend of mine got in touch with me
After seeing on Facebook I told my doc I was done he asked for my address to send me something. I received it on my birthday and it's book called " Every day in his presence " 365 Devotions. It has everyday of the year and a short paragraph! I opened to my
Clean date May 22 and the title read " Absolutly Convinced " the paragraph read about trusting god and having true faith! It's all
Ment to happen no matter what you believe having true faith will help you! Hope everyone is well
One day at a time 😃
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Unread 06-11-2015, 06:34 AM   #45
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You are doing such an amazing job! It's cool that you got a chance to get out and enjoy the weather. It's supposed to be hot and humid near me today- I really wish our pool was open!
Keep up the good work!

Erin
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Unread 06-11-2015, 08:55 AM   #46
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Hi Ryan, congrats on 3 weeks today! What a great devotion on your quit date. What a nice book to send you and arriving on your birthday no less.

Fabulous job!

Nancy
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Unread 06-11-2015, 09:36 AM   #47
GirlGettingOffSubs
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Ryan-
Congrats on 3 weeks! That was a perfect devotion for your birthday. Absolutely perfect. I have a lot of those books but they are still packed somewhere maybe it's time to dig them out. I love listening to spirituality podcasts before bed (and ghost stories haha) it seems to tie the day together well.

Keep up the awesome job!!
Angie
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Unread 06-13-2015, 06:53 AM   #48
FreeMeForever
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Hello everyone! Day 23 today my work week was good still trying to find my patience again but the shakes are almost gone! One thing that's been bothering me is I kno opinions are pretty divided on suboxone I've met multiple people at meetings who don't seem to understand the wild ride subs take you on prolly people who weren't using opiates. Sometimes I just feel like I get " why are you here if coming off
Subs " no one has said that of course but... I always say after using subs for 7 years and being devoted to only subs for the past 2 years they gave me time to adjust mentally to not wanting to use H or strong pain med whenever a trigger popped up. I thought I was sober on subs especially hearing it from your doctor but lemme say I'm sober now and feel soooooo much different than I did while taking subs. It hasn't been easy obviously but I promise it will be worth it!!! Have faith

Ryan
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Unread 06-14-2015, 01:23 PM   #49
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Ryan-

Yes it is a whole new and to be better ballgame off subs. Less muted, more myself, more annoying to my boyfriend bc I can't shut up etc etc. but i love it. Don't worry about what the folks at the meetings think, unless they have been there they don't understand. Me, I do.
Congrats!
Angie
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Unread 06-15-2015, 12:31 AM   #50
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Day 24 coming to a close back to work Mondays are blahhhhh lol...
Angie your awesome thanks and it's funny you said Less Muted because that's exactly what I'm experiencing i used to be so good at keeping my mouth shut but not anymore! Had a good weekend at home group we had game night after the meeting was really fun and I got my NA handbook, step working guide and how and why it works it was 29.00$ for all 3 and well worth the cost! Hope everyone is well!
One Day at a Time

Ryan
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