Day 1 (for about the 20th time)

[Tryntryagain]

Good morning Catish. Bright blessings to you.

Ahhhhh, Norf Landan.....my journey took me to Liverpool Rd just off Holloway and Cally Rd, although having legged it from my childhood home the West and East ends is where i "grew up", i much preferred squatting in leafy Norf Landan. I can not express how much i know what you are talking abut Re ghettoisation, it is why i moved all the children down the rd to Bristol, it was no place to bring up 6 kids,....oh education, housing, health, crime and the like so i upped sticks and moved them all virtually overnight. They miss their home, born and bred within in the mile of Bow Bells so proper East Enders and they miss the quick pace of life, yet at the same time they do love it here too. (And anyway they are in London every weekend costing their Dad a fortune!)

I can wholly understand you wishing to move out and although not knowing your circumstances hope that you are aware of the many ways there are in order to achieve that. If you are not sure i can always signpost you to relevant ways forward. (I'm not being patronising it is just i know so many others wishing to move and simply not knowing what options they have, and because of our housing crisis.....thanks thatcher.....that information is not always forthcoming from those agencies and councils as it should be)

On the front of the Independent yesterday was a leaked report how social cleansing was happening in London with 50,000, i'll say that again, 50,000 of the poorest families simply uprooted and sent as far away as Leeds, Manchester, Plymouth and Cardiff. All of course hugely illegal, such is the housing crisis we all face. Folk bang on about this way forward, that way forward, for goodness sake, .......not enough houses......build more houses!!!!!!!

Anyway Tryns off on one.......what i meant to say was....

CONGRATS ON DAY 11!!!!!!!!

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Catfish + Dog

[lostdog]

Catfish, how's your day? Hope it is great, also I don't know where Sam B.'s thread is but he is smart and has excellent advice. Nice day and support to hugs to you!

[R. Lee]

Lostdog, If you want to find someones threat find a post by them & click on there name. It will take you to their profile & you can find all their posts.

[Catfish]

LD, yes, I have read quite a bit of what Sam B has said. I think that everyone here is very smart.

Tryn, I could never find you patronising because you are delightful and I know anything you say comes from love and concern. Actually I'm very fortunate, as I first bought a house when I was only 20, and just before the recession hit I was able to buy this house, in London, on a self-cert mortgage in 2007 (basically I signed something saying I promised I could pay it!). My mortgage is eye-watering (over £350,000 interest only) but this house is now worth double that. It means I will more or less be able to buy a place by the sea pretty much cash.

You and I share the same political views. Although I'm one of the very lucky ones, even if I wanted to stay in London there's no way I could afford to. I cannot imagine any first time buyers being able to afford anything but a bedsit in London, and the rents are astronomical. If I hadn't got such a great mortgage deal there is no way we would have been able to stay here as long as we have. What will happen to the key workers? What will the rich investors do when all the teachers, ambulance drivers, care workers and nurses have all had to move to Birmingham? It is deeply scary and I will be glad to get out now while I still can.

Did you see the recent article about the fact that there are something like 40 properties in London that are affordable to FTBs? Scary times.

And I diddled myself out of a day somewhere along the way. Today is day 13!

[Tryntryagain]

Good afternoon Catfish + Dog. Bright blessings to you.

The FTB debate is almost not fit for purpose as so many of our young have simply given up on the Blighty dream of owning their own homes. Infact outside of London house prices in Bristol are rising faster than anywhere else in the Country.

In Brixton South London once infamous for riots, (i woke up on the morning on the Broadwater farm riots with the shop next door in flames!!) and much has changed since "electric avenue" was just that. Now the local traders are being pushed out of Brixton and i read a quote that said by one (3rd generation trader)...."when they have kicked us out what will replace us? Costa Coffee and Mcdonalds?...It is simply cruel"...indeed the capitalist way is if you happen to be the wrong side of the fence. Those who are on the wrong side of that particular fence are growing in numbers, hand over fist.

Re "poor families shipped out of London", one reprehensible quote (from a Tory source)......"It is extravagant to subsidise poor people to live in expensive areas"......what happens if the "poor" people were there first?....Hmmmmm.

Last night in Milan there were serious disturbances as swathes of those opposed to continued austerity "blew their top". Anarchists to some, fighting for social justice to another.

So there i am this morning with my paper, (The Independent), page after page of how folk are financially struggling....there is no money in our country and we have to save, cut, slash and burn community services, and one thinks.....well....if there is no money.........turn over the page and there is a story of De Gea, Manchester Uniteds goalkeeper who is "considering" an offer of £200,000 per week to stay for another 9 months......my heart goes out to the poor fellow.....decisions...decisions....decisions eh?

There is more than enough money in our country we are just not terribly good yet at distributing it fairly. There is always another day after this one, and the next.

I think it was Susie i encouraged, Catfish + Dog perhaps you would like to back me up?.....you know how our brothers and sisters in the big place tend to have these rather delicious "mobile homes"?....well....i suggested that they travel over to dear old Blighty on a sort of "road trip" with said delicious mobile homes.....and ANYWHERE in Central London they stop for more than 40 seconds.....they will be wheel clamped....then simply take all the wheels off and you have about £2 million quids worth of property right there!!! (You can even charge for the bricks you put the thing on when you take the wheels off!)

Anyway, Tryn is indulging in the wonderment of waffle, the magic of mishmash and the narcissism of never minds! When it comes to "polo..tics"......those that might not be able to spell that well, or speak that well, still need their voice heard.

There are those that are the font of all knowledge, those that have a cracking knowledge of fonts!.....utopia is inbetween!.

Crikey....nearly 2 weeks. You are doing so very well Catfish. What differences are you noticing? For me i think the single most thing that i really, really noticed is how i feel in the mornings. Maybe not a "new man"......but most definitely a brighter, sharper and more willing man.

To experience that, the joys of sobriety......and yet relapse is too common, and that tells me there is clear proof that alcoholism is an illness, a condition, call it what you like but in any other walk of life where another behaves in a way that puts them at risk it is considered to be something that needs intervention and support. Somehow us lot are made to feel it is our choice to have this problem. It is our responsibility to try to overcome and manage, but it is not our fault we found ourselves struggling with alcohol.

That being the way i see it, i celebrate with you each and every sober day. You give me strength in my early weeks of this times round sobriety, i only wish for us all to share our journeys, our joys, our worries, but most of all, the strength each and everyone of us has.

(Apology's for my "aside, political rant"....couldn't help it!!)

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Wrap up warm today, it's chilly out there. Loveness to you Catfish + Dog

[Tryntryagain]

(oh......we also have a new Royal Baby....it's a girl. Surely a "spare to the Heir?)

Loveness Catfish + Dog

[Catfish]

I read the very same thing about Brixton, Tryn. Isn't it a crying shame? I've noticed that around here, too. I live quite near an area called Muswell Hill (you probably know it) and it's always been rather exclusive and pricey, but in recent times almost all of the quirky or independent shops and restaurants have been replaced by (high end) chains. I very rarely go there any more, as there is simply nothing to do apart from get your hair cut or buy overpriced coffee! The main problem I've noticed with London lately is the public drinking, though. Many of the hard working labourers and decorators can't afford to go to the pub (despite our generous chancellor knocking a PENNY off beer - how many pints to save a tenner? Hmm!), and they live in horrible bedsits because it's all they can afford, so after a hard day's work they congregate on public greens and in parks drinking cheap beer. It is heartbreaking to see.

The differences I'm noticing in sobriety. Gosh, let me count the ways! Well, without sounding immodest I look absolutely radiant. I am also feeling a lot more positive and am a lot less likely to have a panic attack over silly things like a pile of washing. The nasty frown line on my forehead has softened. My wine blubber is starting to slowly subside. I'm more motivated to actually get dressed. I've been walking again. I've been polishing my bathroom tap!

I keep remembering how wonderful I felt when I did ten months of sobriety a couple of years back, and then I keep remembering how utterly awful the last few months have been, how utterly despondent I was, how utterly unwell and broken I LOOKED, how unlikely I was to smile unless merry. It seems like another person's life that I'm remembering, but I'm constantly reminding myself that yes, that was me. Hungover every day, miserable until drunk, unmotivated to do anything at all. Having slipped off the wagon so easily and with such confidence on previous occasions, I do NOT want that to happen again!

[R. Lee]

Great job Catfish. Keep it up.

[Tryntryagain]

Good afternoon again Catfish + Dog. Bright blessings to you.

Ahhh, Muswell hill. I have to tell you this......i came down muswell hill.....straight onto Holloway road....the whole length on Christmas day......(way back in the day) as a cab driver working out of Whitechapel, nothing on the road and in a car that could not be traced back to me......i made a concerted effort to set off every single flash speed camera on my way. From the top of Muswell hill to end of Hollaway Rd i sent off eight. I went past Caledonian Rd tube station at 100mph....not many get that opportunity in Londinium!

(Do not try this at home, you will not be covered).

I was also unfortunate to be in Muswell hill as a boy when Denis Neilsen was doing the rounds. I was one of the lucky ones.

I hear you loudly with the changes sobriety brings.

Isn't it so lovely when the most important smile is our hearts and souls, rather than the face just being a symptom eh?

When R Lee says, "great job".....you're doing well. (He hates me saying things like this, but it's true), i really get this has been a been a struggle for you for such a long time, with all of us together we can all overcome this and get the quality not so much we deserve, but what we all have to give. I am sure i hear that is what makes folk here happy.

For those reading that do not know Tryn, i would like to assure you that i no longer drive!

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Catfish + Dog

[gmasusie]

Dear Catfish,

Wow! What a difference 13 days can make! I remember how astounded I was at that point that I had actually made it that far. You have such a great attitude. Remembering the misery will help you resist the urge, at least it did for me. Congratulations!

Susie

[Saint]

I am proud of you Catfish. Keep working it!

Saint

[Catfish]

Good morning my lovely friends. R. Lee, Tryn, Susie, Saint - thank you! I feel, dare I say it, actually worthy of praise and congratulations, and your encouragement is so helpful.

Tryn, that Christmas sounds extremely fun. I can almost imagine you racing from Muswell Hill to central London! Did you get there in seven minutes?

Day 14. At the end of today it will be two weeks since I took back control of my life. I almost can't believe it.

I wish you all a restful and positive Sunday! xxxx

[jenm]

Catfish!

That is so awesome. This is how we do this, one day at a time. I'm so grateful for you!

I think it would be cool to travel to your country someday. This will be after I win the lottery and/or marry rich. For now I will stay in the midwest - with the kids and the cats. Jenm

[gmasusie]

Catfish,

Two weeks is a monumental achievement! The worst is behind you. Keep up the good attitude.

Jenm, I grew up in the Midwest (Kansas City, MO). Tough weather, great people! Of course, you are from the Midwest! Enjoy your kids and your cats. You will have them for far too short a time. I know. You will have plenty of time to travel over the pond!

Love you both.

[Saint]

Congrats Catfish! It only gets better.


Saint

[R. Lee]

Two weeks that is tremendous Catfish.

[lostdog]

Awesome, glad for you, congrats on two weeks!

[Catfish]

Thank you LostDog, R. Lee, Saint and Susie.

Jen, I have cats and kids here and you are very welcome to come and stay with me any time you like.

Day 15! I've dropped 7lb of wine blubber in the last week and feel fab. I'm even in hot pants (short shorts?) today to celebrate! Xxx

[iamtrying]

Wow!...Day 15 awesome catfish...and 7lbs down...what a day!...

I am very happy for you...the key is to keep it that way...regardless of whatever that comes your way!..

Congrats! friend...I think this was your front foot straight six ! way to go!!

[jenm]

Oh thank you Catfish! I am trying to plan a vacation to Montana in June to visit my sister and so the boys can see their cousins. Despite being 1,100 miles away for 20 years, my sister and I are very close. The cousins are all very close too. Between her and I, we have kids that are 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, and 6. (Poor Collin, the baby!) I just have to finish teaching vacation bible school at church, coordinate with my middle son's football coach, and figure out a way to be off work from my 4 jobs. no big deal. Someday I will get there....thanks for the invite!

I am really, really proud of you for staying sober for 2 weeks. Just for today, we will not drink! That is how this thing gets done, a day at a time. Love, Jenm

[Alexis]

wow you have done amazing Catfish, so proud of you!! Keep it up

xx

[Catfish]

Thanks IAT, Jen. Alexis. Day 16!

Jen, I'm always in awe when I read about your work. You must be super woman.

[gmasusie]

Good going, Catfish. One day at a time.

[Catfish]

Absolutely, Susie. One day at a time is what we all must do. I saw my little sister today whose baby is ten months old, and she is newly pregnant again! Nobody else apart from her husband and our Mum knows. I'm so excited for her but also got a bit maudlin about where the time has gone with my two. But I'm not going to dwell on that. Funny how great news can sometimes get you feeling all sorry for yourself!

[Saint]

Catfish,

I am happy to hear you having a good day.

Make sobriety the most important thing in your life. We stay sober learning to live life on life's terms.

Peace,
Saint

[R. Lee]

Catfish, Keep up the great work in your continued sobriety. You inspire me & others.

[Catfish]

Thank you Saint and R. Lee. Day 17.

I wish you all a positive day! Xxxx

[gmasusie]

Go get them, Catfish!

[Tryntryagain]

Good afternoon Catfish = Dog. Bright blessings to you.

How wonderful having such a special secret! Oh my, the joys yet to unfold.

Catfish it is quite lovely to feel and hear your energy. You are a fantastic advert to those of us taking a day at a time and the "new things" we seem to see.

As all are saying, i wish to join them, an inspiration to be sure. Congrats on 16 days.....not far away from my lucky number.

Question, why do folk have a "lucky number?"

No luck involved, hard work and focus. I am proud of you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Catfish + Dog

[Tryntryagain]

Good afternoon Catfish + Dog. Bright blessings to you.

How wonderful to have such a special secret!! So much wonderment to come. I wish to send you my joy and good health for Mum/little Sister.

Ah....life passing one by. Do you remember being a kid....and drawing "stick men" on a pad of white paper, and each page would be slightly different.....when finished you would "flick through" and the stick men "moved?"

Life can feel a bit like that. 1 minute you are on one page, and the next so many seem to have flicked by.

The trick for me is 2 fold. Firstly to really look forward to the rest of the "book/life", and make sure i don't flick to the last page to see what happens!

Congrats on 16 days, awesome. (You are approaching my lucky number. Why do people have lucky numbers? Hmmmm)

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Catfish + Dog

[Catfish]

Thanks Susie.

Ah, Tryn, I remember those notepads so well. Do you know that my children have an 'app' on their 'tablets' that makes stickman cartoons? I'm often quite envious of the wonderful technology they have nowadays when I remember our internetless childhoods, but I have to remember that these are different times. Why, when I was a girl Tryn we would be out all hours on our own. I'd say climbing trees but I was a city girl even then, but nowadays the kids don't even go to the newsagents on their own! With good reason of course - I watch mine like a hawk - but for all that we missed, they are missing things in their own way.

Day 18! I've had a day of womanly woe and feeling quite irritable, but even though yesterday I had intrusive thoughts about wine which I summarily chased out of my brain (you know when it just creeps in without you realising it, almost by habit?) I haven't thought of alcohol today in any real way. I like the challenging days when you manage to get through without a craving. It's reaffirming and gives you extra strength for the days when you do crave, because you can look back and remember that you managed a bad day without even missing it.

[gmasusie]

Good thinking!

[lostdog]

Hi Catfish, have a nice peaceful weekend, I'll be out of town on an event and am a little nervous, but it should be fun. take care.

[gmasusie]

Catfish,

As time goes on, those urges become weaker and less often. You sound like you are dealing with it well. Just knowing it is normal helps us get through that urge.

[R. Lee]

Way to ward off that thought of wine. You thought through the urge. It is normal for those thoughts. You are doing great. Keep it simple & keep it up.

[iamtrying]

Congrats on day 18 Catfish...you inspire me to stay sober...good going friend...

[Alexis]

you are doing amazing Catfish xx

[Catfish]

Thanks so much everyone, and I hope you are all having a positive weekend. I had a REAL challenge yesterday when visiting with drinking family who I hadn't seen in quite some time. There were bottles of bubbly. On the table. In front of me. They were having lots of fun. I was hormonal. I watched every sip they took.

But you know what? I DIDN'T TAKE EVEN A SIP!

And you know what else? It's largely in part because of all of you, my lovely friends. You keep me strong, you help me so much. Thank you.

Hey! It's day 21!

[gmasusie]

Catfish,

What a wonderful confidence builder! You know what a phoenomenal accomplishment you have achieved. We certainly do!

Congratulations! Love, Susie

[Catfish]

It was very scary though, Susie. I can't tell you how easy it would have been for me to pick up that drink yesterday. I guess having done this so many damn times before my resolve is a lot better, but I did feel incredibly vulnerable!

It's such a perilous journey at times, but my dreadful stubborn streak is helping loads.

Stay vigilant, Catfish. Don't get complacent. Repeat!

Xxx

[Saint]

Awesome Catfish! Good job thinking it through. If we wish to remain sober we must make it the most important thing in our lives. Yes it is very easy to pick up a drink. I did. Day after day after day......

Great job and yes stay vigilant!!

Remember - Sobriety is a lifestyle

Peace,
Saint

[iamtrying]

Congrats!! Catfish...21 days ...Awesome! you are doing this well...Like somebody mentioned, quitting alcohol is easy, maintaining sober is hard..You are doing this so well...You help me stay sober...thank you...

Have a great day/night friend...

[lostdog]

way to go Catfish, you did well. I had the same experience, where when you got a nightly award for tennis you had to take a shot of liquor. I didn't know this when I went to this event, for sure. I didn't win thank goodness, but boy I would have upset their applecart with a shocking whisper of why I couldn't drink. The only problem I have with drinkers is the remarks they say, like "oh but you don't drink", and "we could take shots of Pickle Juice" next time we come. The girl that said it was very nice and said they do that at marathons for electrolytes. But it is all in my head and when you get at peace with that, you learn to interact or next time stay for me do not attend these events.

[Tryntryagain]

Good gorgeous Blighty evening to you Catfish + Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I want to refer back to your post of the stick men, and how jolly right you are. I was an originally country boy, "diluted" by the city's shall i say. We are, and will always be those children at heart. Those goodnesses if you like, but that is our hearts.

That wonderful post said, "you have a bad day without missing it"....sounded so much like Saint sharing that his worst day sober is better than his best day drunk. You are living it and sharing it.

Thank you so much.

Congrats on 21 days.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Catfish + Dog.

[R. Lee]

Catfish, Our daughter relayed through her husband that they no longer want to have anything to do with us. We were told to stay away in no uncertain terms. I accept their decision & will stay out of their lives until we hear different.

My insane thinking wants me to get on the pity pot & possibly drink over this. I am thinking through this urge to drink. What good would a drink do?? NOT

[gmasusie]

RLee, I think the toughest lesson growing older is that we have no control over our children!!!! I am so sorry. But you are right, drinking will not make it any better.

[Saint]

Rlee,
I'm sorry to hear of your daughter's decision and can only imagine how it hurts. Knowing you for who you are today I can think only that she is making a mistake.

((HUGGG))

Saint

[Millie]

RLee, I am so very, very sorry. I had a rough relationship with my dad (who I didn't actually meet until I was in my 20s). He was an alcoholic, and was a lot like me - stubborn and demanding and rebellious. I very much limited his contact with me, and later regretted it. Later, my own decision broke my heart.

We can never really know another's mind or heart. And of course the right thing to do is to respect it and give it time. I hope she can come around eventually and see the wonderful person you are.

Much love to you, and good for you for thinking through it.

[Alexis]

Catfish how are you doing? Hoping you are having a lovely Friday morning, its cold here in Manchester, but sunny. x

[Catfish]

R. Lee, I am so very sorry to hear that. I do hope she gets back in contact soon. It is a heavy burden when we are split as families. When one of my sisters and I fell out for around 18 months a few years back I could think of little else. And you're right, what good would the drink do? None at all.

Alexis, my Friday is a little fraught, but I will survive it.

Blessings and positivity to each and every one of you. Xxx