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Unread 04-24-2017, 08:19 PM   #4451
lostdog
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those gifts are priceless and my favorite, that's so nice you always think of others first. Have a nice meal and good evening.
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Unread 04-25-2017, 06:27 AM   #4452
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Alexis,
How are you? It's been too long since I've stopped by. Tell me please, how have you been?
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Unread 04-25-2017, 06:31 AM   #4453
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Just make the decisions day to day for now. Carry on doing art and going to the gym and eat well most days. Take it easy. Be ok with grey boring days.
Gift sounds lovely. Homemade gifts are the best.
Enjoy your day
Xxxxx
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Unread 04-25-2017, 06:36 AM   #4454
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Thanks LD thats lovely of you to say.

SAINT!! What a pleasure to see you online! Im ok, up and down really, worrying about money a lot, seems to be at the forefront of everything i do. I wake up and panic, and i think about it before i go to sleep.

Still drinking now and again, frustrated and confused about how i feel about alcohol. But so much better than i used to be. If you remember how much i was drinking when i first stopped by here, almost 2 years ago.

Apart from that? Well im painting again, which has been calming and fun. I set up my paints and put a record on and just get lost in the process. Its not FOR anything, i wont be exhibiting the work, mainly its for presents for family and friends. Or just for me....

I got an acceptance email for an exhibition in Middlesborough, in May, last night. Which is good as ill get paid, not a lot, £100. Which is good enough for me when im struggling so much.

So i need to prep and prepare for that this week.

Oh and im also going to the gym quite a bit!! Starting on a couch to 5k training. Plus some strength training. Enjoying it but its hard. Its meant to be i suppose haha.

Enough about me though, how are you?? xx
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Unread 04-25-2017, 11:45 AM   #4455
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Afternoon all, its 3.45pm, the weather is horrendous today, black clouds, windy, rainy, then a bit of sun and calm, then hail, then black clouds haha its raining at the moment and the cats are in and out, in and out.

Im a little worried about Socks, he seems to be breathing funny he has the vets on Thursday anyway so ill ask them to check it out.

Ive finished my painting for my mum, its pretty good actually, a million times better than the other one i started, which is awful hahaha. Im pleased with it and hope she likes it.

I also cycled a couple of miles to the shops and back. Picked up some milk, eggs and bananas.

Its rest day from the gym, my body aches and im looking forward to a bath later on.

Tuna salad for dinner. Football at 8. In between some Simpsons and work.

x
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Unread 04-25-2017, 10:19 PM   #4456
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Have a good rest of the day Alexis.
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Unread 04-26-2017, 04:38 PM   #4457
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Oh man, 8.30pm just back from the gym, my lower back was in a lot of pain so no the best workout in the world but got it done at least.

Now eating greek yogurt with banana and plum, with a big pint of water...

Ive got an app which lets you log what you eat in the day and gives you calories and how much protein/carbs/fat you have. Its pretty good to be able to plan and make sure what i have is within a certain number.

Not that i'm obsessing over it....

Got an email today with my flights details for Germany. Very nervous, so trying not to think about it.

Apart from that, not much has happened today really. On my way back from the gym i did think i fancied some beers but passed the booze section of the shop with not a great deal of trouble.

Heating on now, candles lit, football on, fruit tea about to be brewed xx
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Unread 04-26-2017, 04:47 PM   #4458
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That all sounds very satisfying Alexis. Nice one!

Yes the app sounds like it can be a useful guide but don't go crazy with calorie counting. So many factors are involved that an app can't account for.

Enjoy your tea and football. I'm tempted to put the heating on too brrrrrrrr

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Unread 04-26-2017, 05:21 PM   #4459
Alexis
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Thanks SD!!

Yes i wont go crazy with it, i apparently dont eat enough...but its hard for me to eat more. Oh well i will figure it out.

The footballs ok, nothing special. But my tea is lovely. Im tired and looking forward to a nice sleep *fingers crossed*

xx
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Unread 04-26-2017, 07:40 PM   #4460
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all my original ancestors are from Germany and came over before the stuff happened there. Have a fun beautiful time. I want to go on this river cruise there the Rhine river and the Danube too. Your doing well with your exercise too, I got on the scale and back on the no sweets again. It is working kinda good, taking the L-glutamine amino acid if it's a placebo, let it be it is working, no sweets in 3 days and I feel 50% better. Well enough about me. take care sweetie!
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Unread 04-27-2017, 09:45 AM   #4461
soapdish
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Enjoy your day.

Don't stress about Germany. It's going to be a wonderful trip and the fruit of your hard work.

Xxxxx
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Unread 04-27-2017, 09:48 AM   #4462
Alexis
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Thanks LD, hope you are well.

Its 1.30pm, freezing cold today, grey sky, pretty miserable out! Had an ok morning, its rest day from the gym, so just had time to reply to emails and sort out some stuff for my next exhibition.

Its not long to go and so much to sort so im feeling a little stressed but trying to regulate it.

Also feeling VERY VERY anxious about the Germany trip. More info came today, the hotels, which are 5* and look pretty posh....i will feel out of place. I already feel like a fraud. Plus im worrying that i wont check in right, im on my own and stressing.

But, ive been to Paris on my own before and managed to get through check in at the airports etc ok so should be alright.

Plus im worrying about the other 7 people on the trip, what if i dont get on with them?! aaaaghhh nightmare anxiety haha

Anyway, i have to take socks to the vets in about an hour, again! then will make dinner. Big Manchester derby tonight in the football so im looking forward to that. Was asked by a friend if i wanted to go out to watch it but ill stay home as not wanting to drink....

Well i do want to drink but im conscious of it...

Man im tired. Slept well again though, just exhausted all the time.

Ok rambling.

Peace xx
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Unread 04-27-2017, 09:49 AM   #4463
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hahah SD we wrote at the same time!

And you told me not to worry yet all ive written about is worry!!!! x
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Unread 04-27-2017, 01:03 PM   #4464
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oh man. Sat for 2 hours at the vets! I didnt do anything but feel exhausted! Socks is ok, had to have bloods taken, kidney levels are a bit high but could just be down to age. He has had some more tests done with results next week.

He is outside now exploring so all is well.

two dogs got put to sleep, was HORRIBLE to see the owners come out crying. Really awful to see. i love animals so much.

Anyway home now, just prepped dinner, well its leftovers from yesterday, salmon, veggies and brown rice.

Got fruit and yogurt for desert.

All i really want to do is drink beers at the pub later, whilst the footy is on. I could quite easily do it as well, my friends are all going and ive been invited. But then do i really want to do that? I dont know. Again confused/frustrated...

Missing people around here, seems quiet....miss Millie, Sam, Susie, ST. Was great to see Saint around the other day though.

Ok bye. xx
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Unread 04-27-2017, 03:05 PM   #4465
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Hey Alexis. Glad to hear that Socks is mostly okay.

You worry too much about the future! Baby steps. Make lists, allow mistakes, things will work out fine.
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Unread 04-27-2017, 03:12 PM   #4466
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Thanks Millie, lovely to see you around.

HAHA yes i do worry about the future too much! I always have i think, even when i was younger.

Make lists and allow mistakes....great advice! I already make lists, lots of them, but i dont allow mistakes, which is something i will rectify xx
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Unread 04-27-2017, 03:29 PM   #4467
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I see what's going on because I used to be so GOOD at worrying about the future. I still am known as the "worst-case scenarist" in my circles. It's a gift. BUT it can be managed.

Just last night I was on my way home from rehearsal and I knew my husband had been making pasta. I called him at the usual time on my way home, and he didn't answer. So I left a voice mail, called again in a few minutes. Called a third, fourth, fifth time, as he always answers my calls, and then concluded that he was probably at the emergency vet, having tripped over the dog with a pot of boiling water, and she was in horrible pain, and... and... and...

then I tried a sixth time and he picked right up. He had been doing laundry in the basement and there was no reception in the laundry room.

I have to talk myself DAILY out of worrying about a house sitter watching my precious animals while we're in Scotland. To the extent that we're having a weekend-long dry run a couple weeks before. (Sometimes there are solutions that can help so you (which is to say, I) don't cry all the way to the airport -- AGAIN.) Anyway. You may never lose the tendency, but like anything else habitual, it can be managed so that it doesn't take over or require self-medication.

Worry is interest paid on a debt you may never owe...
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Unread 04-27-2017, 04:55 PM   #4468
Alexis
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you make sense Millie and i know its stupid and pointless to worry. Need to practice my meditation more. When im in that quick sand though, i find it tough to do things to help myself!

Nice little quote at the end there too. Thank you.

xx
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Unread 04-27-2017, 07:31 PM   #4469
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think for 5 minutes on it, drop it and live in the present. I know it sounds easy to do, but not. It will go well, just the invitation is wonderful....
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Unread 04-28-2017, 04:32 AM   #4470
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Hi Alexis,

Have a nice day today.

Relax about the trip. Everything will be fine. I've been to some scary airports and I've been a lost/confused traveller loads of times but I always got to my destination! There are always people to help if you need it, like the flight attendants and other passengers. Don't worry.
Who are you flying with?

And a 5 star hotel. Wow! You mustn't feel out of your depth. It'll be a treat. Go with the flow and enjoy it! Think of the people watching you can do in the lobby! Fun

All the best
X

Lots of love
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Unread 04-28-2017, 07:14 AM   #4471
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Hey SD.

You are right, it will be fine. Just need to breathe. Flying with Easyjet, to Dortmund, then i guess a train/bus to destination. Im awaiting itinerary.

Yes haha people watching would be fun!

Thanks SD, you have calmed me down a little.

Well its 11am, im exhausted didnt sleep very well, worrying and stuff. Meditated which helped a bit.

Meant to be going to the gym today yet im not sure ill be able to move my body im that tired! Plus i have a headache. Will try perk myself up, eat some eggs and stuff.

Glad its Friday! xx
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Unread 04-28-2017, 08:34 AM   #4472
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Good afternoon my dearest, gifted Alexis. Bright blessings to you.

This is all quite wonderful. Off on another adventure in what we all call life. How exciting. A chance for your soul to breathe and grow, your talents to speak for themselves.

If i was able to put my head on your shoulders for this trip i would ONLY so that you will be aware at ALL times the dangers alcohol has for you.

I know you are unsure yourself how you feel around alcohol, so the best thing a can say is make sure at the least, you err on the side of caution.

I hope you start to feel a bit better during the day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you my dearest, gifted Alexis
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Unread 04-28-2017, 10:55 AM   #4473
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Thank you Tryn and a lovely way to look at this, as an adventure... I never thought of that. I will try to be positive because not many people get opportunities like this so I should be grateful and recognise my own achievements.

Just on the bus on the way back from the gym yay! I worked really hard today and feel good. Although my calf muscles are absolutely killing. Millie/Sam, anything to help them when and after I run??

Home soon, lots of water, a banana, a protein shake. I'm kind of enjoying this new lifestyle, I sleep better (generally) I feel stronger, I get a nice buzz afterwards, the staff are lovely and one in particular man I quite fancy so I like seeing him hahaha

Again, thanks to Sam for pushing me.

I'm off to the football on Sunday which I'm excited for. My dad is picking me up early and we will go for lunch. Can't wait to see him!

Then on Monday I am meeting a lady and her cat (!) I joined a site where you get paid for feeding cats or dog sitting (thanks to SD for pushing me to do that!) and I've been successful with this one. Only need to pop in twice a day for 2 days but will get £40 for doing it. And she goes away quite a lot so if it goes well hopefully I can do it often for her.

Almost home. Legs in pain, looking forward to a hot soak in the bath later

Peace xx
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Unread 04-28-2017, 04:11 PM   #4474
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Hi Alexis,

Your positivity today is an inspiration! It's wonderful reading that you enjoy going to the gym and that you feel the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. I need to take a leaf out of your book.

When I used to go running, I found that properly warming down afterwards was essential. I'd lean into a wall and stretch my calf muscles, do lunges. I'm sure your trainer gets you doing those kind of exercises, better ones probably, but maybe on the bus home you could continue gently putting your feet up and down to tiptoe and flat, tiptoe and flat. Actually I also do that when I'm flying. Anyway, the expert runners here will know better tips, that's just my tuppence worth!
Oh and Olbas oil. Massage it into the muscles. It's only one pound fifty at the Coop! (I can't find the pound sign on my crazy keyboard) You can put a couple of drops in a vegetable oil or body cream and rub it in. I use almond oil, which makes the skin really soft and smooths stretchmarks. Sorry! Is this too much detail? Am I stating the obvious? When I was 28 I didn't give a toss about almond or Olbas oil!
Most people only know Olbas oil for colds and catarrh but it relieves muscle pain too. Try it!

Great about the cat-sitting! These things always grow by word of mouth too. She'll tell her cat owner friends and they'll tell theirs. It could be just the flexible extra job you were looking for, but the merit's all yours. YOU'RE the one who joined the site. So well done YOU!


Enjoy the football with your dad, and stay well.

Big hugs
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Unread 04-28-2017, 07:44 PM   #4475
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that is so good you can help cats now, I'm excited for you!
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Unread 04-28-2017, 09:26 PM   #4476
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I'm so glad you're enjoying it! You'll see on my thread that I am too.

As far as calves, you might be doing too much too soon. Are you following the 5k plan, or doing more to push yourself? I know how tempting it can be to do more, but we need to be aware of our bodies' limitations if we want to *keep* doing it. I'd cut back on running maybe for a few days and let them heal. The key is that soreness is fine, pain is not. Knowing the difference can keep you from getting injured. So maybe a stationary bike or an elliptical machine might be a good thing for a couple of days. In terms of immediate pain though, ice and massaging (I'd say to use a foam roller but I'm guessing you may not have one?). And stretch them! There are lots of good calf stretches for runners if you google it.

You really do sound positive, and I want you to somehow bookmark that post to look at when you're feeling down and don't want to exercise. It really can make all the difference.
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Unread 04-29-2017, 03:20 AM   #4477
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Morning all,

SD, thanks a lot...i dont have a trainer, i cant afford one but i will do more stretches afterwards. The pain lessoned a lot once i was home.

Haha you made me laugh about the oil!! I do need to make my skin smoother and lovely so might buy some

Thanks about the cat sitting!!

LD THANK YOU <3

Millie!! SO happy YOU are enjoying it again too! I am following the 5k plan but pushing myself a little more maybe....I will wait a couple days before running again yes. I will look back at the post when feeling down about gym work.

Well its 7am here in grey misery Manchester. I have a cup of tea and im pretty tired.

Last night was a disaster.

At around 8pm socks started walking funny (like he was drunk) and then fell onto his side and just lay there. I called the vets and was put through to an emergency clinic. I got a taxi there right away and he was rushed off to see the vet. I was so worried Steve and his girlfriend came too (as Socks is Steves cat!)

After maybe an hour waiting we were called through and there was Socks thank god. Turns out he has a heart murmur. And kidney problems and thyroid problems and all three must have effected him to collapse.

The vet doesnt think he has long left really but while he is still going out and generally happy, he can stay home. I just have to keep an eye out for signs that he is unhappy.

Its made me really sad because i cant imagine things without him here but he is 22 years old and has lived longer than anyone expected!

Anyway, didnt get home till past 11pm. Went straight to bed pretty much.

Was worrying about him, and so got up early. He seems ok, a little lost perhaps. But im hoping thats just from being in the vets, must be traumatic.

xx
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Unread 04-29-2017, 09:19 AM   #4478
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gentle hugs for you and your sweet cat.
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Unread 04-29-2017, 01:21 PM   #4479
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Thank you LD, he seems quite lost today slow and old. (which he is, i just never noticed it really)

Today has been ok; i napped, watched the football, had pizza, phoned my sister and did some meditation.

Feeling a little overwhelmed with work stuff but im using this weekend to chill out and try not to worry. Like Millie says, its interest on a debt i dont owe. No point worrying.

Its 5.15pm, maybe i will have a bath early, meditate again and get ready to watch the boxing later haha.

Cant wait for the game tomorrow, even though we will probably lose, i just love hanging out with my dad at the match

x
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Unread 04-29-2017, 04:33 PM   #4480
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22 is a grand old age... What an incredible cat! Cuddles to both of you, and Jackson too.

He he, a personal trainer at the gym. A little misunderstanding, I just thought there were trainers at the gym showing everybody which exercises to do, like as part of the gym membership. I have never been to a gym so I have absolutely no clue what happens! ha. Anyway, yes warming down and stretching exercises are super important. Be careful of sudden temperature changes too because that can tense up the muscles or give you a chill. Like from warm gym-to cold bus stop-to warm bus-cold walk home from bus stop. Maybe take a warm tracksuit or extra layer to put on, even if you feel hot from exercising.

Indeed worrying never makes things better. I like your attitude

Enjoy the match tomorrow! Who's playing?

Love to you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Unread 04-29-2017, 04:46 PM   #4481
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Hey SD, hahah no, you have to pay for personal trainers but you can ask them questions for free obviously so i could get some tips.

Although you and Millie have given me a lot of advice.

Everton play Chelsea tomorrow so i dont think we will win!! They are top of the league!

Im just listening to music and waiting for the main fight in the boxing. Having a nice night, also chatting to my sister through facebook.

Feeling fine xx
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Unread 04-29-2017, 07:25 PM   #4482
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what a fight, AJ champ!!

I want to get into boxing, not proffessionally of course HAHAHA but as a fitness builder...my sister does too. I used to do kick boxing and loved it.

Maybe ill inquire about sessions ? x
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Unread 04-29-2017, 09:21 PM   #4483
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I did kickboxing for about a year and then switched to yoga and HIT. Kickboxing is good and gets your frustrations out too.
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Unread 04-30-2017, 12:01 PM   #4484
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Alexis I have 2 cats 11 & 20 years old. The older cat is a Tuxedo cat. I also have 2 dogs Cubby & Buddy.
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Unread 04-30-2017, 12:20 PM   #4485
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I had to look up Tuxedo cat...gorgeous.
Cubby and Buddy are super cool names.

My cats ages are aged 9, 7, 2 and 8 months. 3 are females, all grey/brown tiger tabby and 1 male, all black with yellow eyes nicknamed Slinky Malinki
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Unread 04-30-2017, 12:28 PM   #4486
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Sorry for butting in there Alexis, R.Lee; I just love pets!

How's your day going Alexis?

Hugs
Xxxxx
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Unread 04-30-2017, 02:03 PM   #4487
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Cool R Lee i love their names.

Hey SD, just got home from the match, we got beat 3-0 but i had a good time, lovely to see my dad and hang out with him and his mates.

Im exhausted now, lots of walking to and from the ground, then stood up for the whole game.

Eaten terribly today, had a chippy for dinner. Yesterday was crappy eating too! Need to get back to the healthy food tomorrow. Which i will...

Cant wait to have a bath and get into bed hahah its only 6pm!!

Busy week this week coming up, lots to do. I prefer it to be quieter really but it is what it is. Need to make sure i get the gym sessions in also. Feeling a bit overwhelmed but will try to be ok. xx
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Unread 05-01-2017, 02:37 AM   #4488
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Morning. Its 6.30am, i couldnt sleep last night as i had pains in my lower legs. Prob from standing/walking for a long time yesterday at the game. My feet hurt, my trainers are falling apart and so my feet hurt when i wear them all day (generally im in my slippers at home!) bit worried as meant to be going the gym today and dont want my feet to be sore.

The sun is peeking up over the houses and looking at the weather, it seems that it may be a good week for seeing the sun. This makes me feel 10% better about things. It is still very cold though, god i cant wait till its hot outside!

It feels like its been a really long winter, longer than usual.

I have a cup of tea and just chilling out this morning. Im pretty tired from not sleeping, i maybe got 4 hours thats all. Probably due to crappy food choices and no real exercise over the weekend.

Bank holiday Monday today here, i need to go to the shops for some milk and im also going to see the lady with the cat, which im pretty nervous about doing. But should be ok i hope. I just get anxious meeting new people.

I hope to get to the gym as well today. Even if my feet are sore. Im thinking of all the ways i can get out of going to be honest, i dont fancy it today but that could be due to feeling so tired and it being so early in the morning. Maybe ill feel better a little later on...

Anyway, i will stop complaining. *breathe*

x
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Unread 05-01-2017, 03:10 AM   #4489
soapdish
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Yes it's only 7.00 now. Don't think about the gym until later. If your feet are sore do some drawing or sitting down activity instead, then you might feel like going later. You could just work on your arms and torso today if your legs and feet are tender.

Xxxxxxxxx
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Unread 05-01-2017, 03:16 AM   #4490
Alexis
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Yes thats a good idea SD, i can just do weight training if i need to rest my feet.

I feel slightly sad today, prob due to lack of sleep. But determined to feel better and shake this horrible depression.

Perhaps eggs and The Simpsons is in order... xx
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Unread 05-01-2017, 06:59 AM   #4491
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Pahaha well my morning took quite the turn...i ended up at the gym at 8.30am!! Quite how i dragged myself there ill never know but i got there and pushed myself pretty hard.

After inspecting my feet, i decided to listen to my body and not do cardio, instead i did weight training. Man are my arms and legs sore now! I could barely get up the stairs on the bus home!! ha.

I feel so much better for going and just getting it done. Its helped my mood enormously as it always does.

Its 11am....and i now have the whole day to myself. Bank holiday Monday so perhaps i will just relax today.

Still a little anxious about meeting the cat lady this afternoon but im sure it will be fine.

xx
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Unread 05-01-2017, 07:57 AM   #4492
soapdish
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Hi,

Don't worry about meeting the cat lady. She chose you on the website, right? It'll be fine. Don't worry. I'm sure she's not Cruella De Ville! Is it just one cat you'll be looking after?

Brilliant about the gym! Way to go!

Yes it's bank holiday because 1st May is labour day. Here there are some events, demonstrations and debates about worker's rights and it's a holiday too. Ironically, I'm working this afternoon!

Much love
Xxxxxxxx
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Unread 05-01-2017, 12:51 PM   #4493
Alexis
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Hey all,

SD, just the one cat yes. Im back now, went fine of course, the lady was welcoming and the cat was beautiful. A ginger Norwegian Forest cat....huge!

I will go twice a day on friday and saturday and just pop in on sunday morning. Easy peasy.

Went to the shop after to get some milk, ended up coming out with bananas, veggies and salmon !!

I was wearing my Iron Maiden t shirt and a homeless guy was asking me about the band, about if i had seen them live (i have, twice) he was a cool nice guy and i gave him a banana.

Cycling home i could smell the flowers from the gardens and the sun was shining down, i felt good. I could feel my legs burning from this mornings gym session and the fact i need to pump my bike tyres up (!) so its harder to cycle.

Im home now, sat in my armchair, patio doors open, i can smell smoke from a wood burning fire, it reminds me of my parents (they have two woodburner stoves in the house)

I feel mighty fine!!

Dinner tonight is the usual, roasted veggies, kale, salmon and brown rice. Boring perhaps but i enjoy it and its getting in my nutrients. Ive got an app called 'lose it' i think i mentioned it before, anyway i track my macros and they are back on point today, after an indulgent weekend.

Hope everyone is well xx
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Unread 05-01-2017, 01:27 PM   #4494
soapdish
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That's great! I am so pleased.

xxxxxxxxxxxx
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Unread 05-01-2017, 04:51 PM   #4495
Alexis
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Spent the past hour painting, but if i'm honest i'm starting to feel a little down i worry about how it comes from nowhere, like the "The Nothing" the darkness that destroys everything it touches in The Never Ending Story. It feels like im constantly running from 'it' and if i relax or take my eye off it just for a second, it smothers me.

I can't cry, i haven't for a while now, but i feel like i need to. I just can't

Its only 9pm so i cant even go to bed to get away from this feeling.
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Unread 05-02-2017, 06:06 AM   #4496
Tryntryagain
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Good morning my dearest, gifted Alexis. Bright blessings to you.

You have found your answer unwittingly.

"It".........ended up being not even being able to go to bed because of "this feeling".

It is a feeling. Feelings are generated from all manner of places. The fact that it comes from nowhere will have an awful lot of your brothers and sisters nodding their heads, as i am sure many of us understand that feeling.

I consider myself still in the eraly days of sobriety coming up a year. The first 2 months, such was the feeling you describe so strong, i could sometimes feel as if i had just been assaulted with a sledgehammer.

As you know Tryn has had a history where fear, anxiety...worry were "all the rage" considering my circumstances.

NEVER ONCE felt that worry...until it was over.

My first 2 months......think about it.....at last my own home, it can be mine forever, for sure i had lost Larry yet could console myself in that i did all i could, AND i was so lucky to have loved him, i was beginning to work with dear Milan......no Rolo yet.....then Rolo......life was unbelievably lucky to me. Not for others.....yet for me.

THEN.......when there was no reason for it whatsoever.......i got all these sledgehammers flying at me from every direction from within me. Cry myself to sleep? Good grief they became uncontrollable at times.....

.....i had no idea where it came from.

For the first time in my life i am "safe". At times now, i feel more unsafe than i have ever been. Go figure eh?

I loathe the word "depression". It means **** all to anyone.

Struggling from day to day with oneself, ones feelings and ones self portrait......struggling against a tide you have no desire or wish for, and not knowing why, i can work with.

It is a tide.....let it wash over you.

That HAS to be in tandem with a natter with your Dr, it really has. Our dear, dear R Lee gives out the poignant messages, and one of them....probably the most profound, "we can not do it alone".

You need to deal with this my dear Alexis. Have a plan of action. It threatens you stability and consistency. I am lucky to have Milan, yet i think at this time a chat with your Dr and maybe some medication which i abhor, (there is a time and place for everything), i just so desperately want you to get help with "it"....your feelings, to get someone to bring you closer to them without fear, as you have the world at your feet, so i need you to be able to use those feet positively.

You are a diamond hidden deep underground. You will find away of coming out and sparkling bright.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you my dearest, gifted Alexis.
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Unread 05-02-2017, 06:47 AM   #4497
Alexis
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Morning Tryn, thank you for your letter.

I am on medication, im on anti psychotics, anti depressants and anxiety pills...maybe they need increasing again?

I will make an appointment with the doctor asap.

Love you Tryn.
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Unread 05-02-2017, 09:13 AM   #4498
soapdish
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Hope today is calm and peaceful.
Hugs and tea
Love you
Xxxxx
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Unread 05-02-2017, 10:43 AM   #4499
Alexis
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So ive just been to the vets, socks has very high levels of his thyroid which is creating the heart murmur as it makes his heart beat fast, plus metabolism is high which is why he is always hungry but not putting on weight.

He has pills to take once a day (i have to wear gloves to give it to him!!) and other tablets once every two days ! *phew* i need to get my head around this tablet giving.

Thing is his kidney levels are high also (though not as high) And the tablets for his thyroid issue may effect his kidneys....aaaghhhh.

Im stressing out a bit. What if i forget to give him a pill, its important he has them every evening.

Im stressing that while im away Steve wont give him the tablets. Socks isnt even my bloody cat so i dont deserve to have this extra pressure on me.

Anyway, im back home with a cup of tea, Socks has gone out side as the sun is out. Its almost 3pm, i need to do work, im hungry, tired, irritable and stressed out.

*breeeaaaathe*
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Unread 05-02-2017, 01:42 PM   #4500
R. Lee
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Keep it simple Alexis.
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