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Unread 05-31-2015, 09:45 PM   #501
gmasusie
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Alexis,

It is natural for us to feel hopeless sometimes. I have had moments in the last few weeks. We just have to remind ourselves that the feeling is normal but not permanent. It WILL go away, just like every other emotion we experience. We are here for you.

Love, Susie
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Unread 06-01-2015, 07:49 AM   #502
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Hi Alexis,

I hope you're felling well. I looked at your to-do list and it reminded me of my own - abandoned - lists. What works for me is just doing one thing at a time and taking small steps. When I gave myself too much to do I got overwhelmed and ended up giving up and hating myself for it. I always felt like a quitter. Ironic, really, considering quitting drinking is so hard to do.

I hope you have a great day.
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Unread 06-01-2015, 11:18 AM   #503
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hello all,

Only 4pm and very busy day. Was up at 8.30am as i had a removal van coming to help me take my huge desk to my new studio.

It is in the city centre and its my own room, off a corridor. 30 studio rooms overall. With kitchen area also.

On the way we picked up a free armchair, and free office chair (found on gumtree)

So i should be very happy! I now have a studio, an armchair to relax in on breaks, a lovely office chair...lots of room to work.

Well first thing went wrong...there is no internet. Which i didnt know...so im pissed off. It will mean paying more money per month for that as i need it.

Also means i cant start working right away, in fact i left to go home after being there an hour.

Second thing is that my stupid laptop is now old and rubbish. It has been temperamental for the past 6 months but this week it is getting to the point where i cant use it. It is very very slow or it just completely crashes.

i cant afford a new laptop, but i NEED a computer to work. So i have no idea what to do. its getting me down.

Third thing is my best friend is angry at me, saying i cant afford to rent this studio and it will cause more bad than good. I can just about afford it, and i know i need a place away from home to work. Its vital i start to have a routine and a place to go and work from. it will also hopefully mean i start MAKING work.

All this, added to not feeling very well generally, not going to the gym in the past 4 days and feeling like a failure and a fraud.

I just want to get drunk because at least then i get a break from thinking and stressing out.

I just for once want to be able to come here and be positive
x
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Unread 06-01-2015, 11:35 AM   #504
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if you get drunk, then when you reemerge into the world, your anxiety will increase and you will be upset with yourself. Think through the drink, all the way to the miserable end and then you will do something positive for yourself.
a chat with coffee with a friend, a walk with the birds,etc.
Sometimes I just think animals never drink and are content with their lives. It makes me more grounded to think in simple terms of life.
Much luv and support to you, Alexis.
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Unread 06-01-2015, 01:33 PM   #505
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Gmasusie is right -- this is temporary. The situation, the feeling, all of it. Things will get better.

Even though it might be hard financially, it sounds like getting a studio space is a great positive step. Having somewhere to go every day to give your life some structure might do you some real good.

Do you have time to go to the gym? That might make you feel better. Good chemicals and all...
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Unread 06-01-2015, 05:15 PM   #506
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X, You sound like you are in panic mode. Slow down you are moving too fast. No matter what don't drink. If you drink you just add to your problems.
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Unread 06-01-2015, 07:19 PM   #507
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Can you just use the internet at home or in a cafe to get what you need to do done? You can set up internet at the office later. That's what I do.

Why not look for a cheaper second hand laptop or even a desktop you can use at your studio? I use an iPad instead of a laptop - lighter and cheaper.

Do you enjoy going to the gym? If you do, stick at it. If not, do something you enjoy more. I love walking, running and cycling - all basically free! You could also use the money and time for something else.

Panicking rarely helps and getting drunk never does. Try to be calm and get things sorted out one by one.
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Unread 06-02-2015, 09:47 PM   #508
gmasusie
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Listen to your supporters here. They have experience. Listen to RLee. He recognizes when we need help. Slow down; breathe. Take it one small step at a time. Keep talking to these folks. Consider their advice. They have helped me through panic, anxiety, drinking, etc. They will help you.

Love, Susie
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Unread 06-03-2015, 09:33 AM   #509
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hello all,

Millie, if i think about it yes of course i have time to go to the gym, or more likely i should make time to go to the gym. Its important...

R Lee, yes i feel im constantly in panic mode

Secret Tiger, im looking into getting a wifi dongle, until the studio floor sorts it out properly. Untill then i will just have to plan properly what work i do at home and what im able to do at the studio.

And once i get into a habit of going the gym, yes i enjoy it, i enjoy getting stronger and fitter. Its just pushing myself to go when ive had a break from it, i struggle so much with the voices telling me it is pointless.

Been a busy, crappy, stressful few days.

I think ive fixed my laptop though after a full system restore. I just need to redownload photoshop and itunes and some other programmes. I will do that this afternoon.

Today i have seen a doctor who has prescribed me with stronger medication for my depression and anxiety. Im hoping this will help me a lot. it will take around 3 weeks to be in my system i think.

I will also write a list of things i NEED to do this week. I have about 12 things that needs to be done by the weekend so im under a bit of pressure.

I will try to keep calm, and organised. x
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Unread 06-03-2015, 09:43 AM   #510
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Alexis...Have a plan in place for all the activities, make sure you have constant cash flow and have budget in place, Not sure about your business model but make sure you have right people to collaborate to grow. If you don't have above think about how you can get that support. Most importantly, take time to just plan, it will reduce your stress...

good luck.
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Unread 06-03-2015, 11:36 AM   #511
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I have lost all of my work, every photo, word document, my ideas, everything for my organisation.

I feel ****ing sick.
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Unread 06-03-2015, 12:14 PM   #512
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Hi Alexis, can you call a place that repairs computers to see if there's any way to retrieve what you lost? Or do you know anyone who's a computer guru?

Maybe it's there and if you don't do anything yet, it won't be written over. I'm no computer expert, but I've recovered stuff that I thought was lost before.

Fingers crossed.

Nancy
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Unread 06-03-2015, 12:19 PM   #513
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Nancy's right, depending on how it disappeared, it may be hiding somewhere. Worth talking to a repair person!
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Unread 06-03-2015, 12:42 PM   #514
Alexis
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hey guys, it wont be anywhere becaause i had to restore the computer to its factory settings.

The files were meant to be on dropbox but obviously didnt upload correctly.
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Unread 06-03-2015, 01:08 PM   #515
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I feel like an idiot because in the grand scheme of things it's not absolutely horrific. People are going through much worse.

But I can't explain how lost I am with this. Every single file, photo, idea, proposal. ALL my work is gone.

I feel numb. I'm lying in bed, and I'm numb. I feel im being tested, every day something's gets a little worse, I get a lifeline then it rockets to a darker place. If I am being tested then I give up anyway.

I feel like I want and need to get drunk so I'm not thinking about how the f*ck im supposed to work now.

I don't even care about being a fat mess on holiday because I doubt I will be alive in August anyway.
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Unread 06-03-2015, 01:41 PM   #516
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Hi Alexis, don't feel like an idiot! This has happened to you and I can only imagine how horrible it would be if it happened to me. I found this:
http://smallbusiness.chron.com/resto...ory-61161.html

"While, for all intents and purposes, the memory is deleted, the old information may still be accessed by skilled professionals."

It may still be worth a try calling a professional. Keep looking to see if there is a solution.

I can't ignore the last line in your post without giving you contact information for suicide hotlines:

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/inte...-hotlines.html

Samaritans UK & ROI
National
Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter: - E-mail:
Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate)
Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI - local rate)
Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
Website: samaritans.org
E-mail Helpline: jo@samaritans.org


http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide...ting-help.aspx

Alexis, please call one of those numbers. Or reach out to your housemate or a close friend. You don't have to go through this alone.

Nancy
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Unread 06-03-2015, 03:17 PM   #517
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Please, please talk to a computer expert to make sure.

And do call one of those hotlines if you're feeling low.

This IS temporary.
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Unread 06-03-2015, 03:20 PM   #518
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X, Please do what Nancy said. Hang in there. Hugs!!
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Unread 06-03-2015, 07:05 PM   #519
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Alexis, I hear the call in your writings for help and your turmoil. You are not an idiot, you are extremely talented. I lost my whole spreadsheet once that I worked on for years, it was restored by the xerox people miraculously. I was the only one who lost her stuff and it happened twice. If you can't get the things back, just report that it was lost and go slowly to rebuild. You are your own person and need to tend to things on your pace, not others. You really do a lot each day, far more than I could, so you are hardest on yourself. Please call and talk with someone for reassurance when you get extremely down, it will help you.
BIG HUGS!
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Unread 06-04-2015, 06:10 PM   #520
Alexis
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spoken to an expert and nothing i can do, all lost

Not done much apart from lie in bed, cry, sleep. Try not to overdose or drink.
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Unread 06-04-2015, 09:10 PM   #521
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Alexis - Please call your mom and dad and talk to them, you know they may not be able to fix the laptop but they know you and will definitely help you.

Btw - I would take this as positive, one thing i had decided in my new years resolution was "let go" , when I think of that i feel so much lighter in my head. Trust me there is better way for every way, and there is beginning for that way. Take this as an opportunity to show how you can be different and get a good head start on new things. I wouldn't sweat on the laptop, I know you had lot of good stuff in it, but there are so many worse things that happen to people. one, be glad you are brave to open up and discuss here, there are many who silently suffer and never seek help, you are way better off than those. two, you have yourself and your mind to move on.

Put on a new persona and give a new beginning, we are with you Alexis. Rest well and think well. Begin a great day friend.
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Unread 06-04-2015, 11:03 PM   #522
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Alexis,

You are intelligent and you are strong. You can get through this. Talk to yourself. "We SHALL overcome....." My husband says, "How do you barbeque an elephant? One steak at a time."

I love elephants, so I hate the analogy. However, the sentiment is worth holding on to. Pick a place to start and rebuild one small piece at a time. We are with you!!

Love, Susie
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Unread 06-05-2015, 07:28 AM   #523
Alexis
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Hello all. I THINK im past the 3 days of debilitating depression...i hope.

Woken up this morning, allowed myself to put snooze on twice. Got a cup of tea, back into bed and went through 100's of emails which had attachments. I knew i sent some important stuff to people on there and sure enough i have managed to retrieve some of the most important documents and re download them to my computer.

Im about to make eggs as ive not really eaten in 3 days. I will watch an episode of The Simpsons then go to my studio. I am going to try and make it a habit to go 5 days a week, even if i just go and watch an art documentary, i think its important i get used to being there. Hopefully things will start to happen.

I am also taking your advice by trying to think of this as a fresh start with work, and try to feel excited by it. Slowly i hope to build a new, bigger, better body of work. So today will consist of writing a list for the wall, of ideas...

Thanks for sticking with me. Love to you all x
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Unread 06-05-2015, 08:54 AM   #524
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X, Great attitude! You are worth it.
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Unread 06-05-2015, 11:38 AM   #525
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I'm so glad to hear this Alexis. Hang in there. And going to the studio 5 days a week is a great idea!
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Unread 06-05-2015, 02:42 PM   #526
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unfortunately life gives us grief a lot and hardships, but it's the way we handle it.... Hey I'm still trying to do this as we all know, but you took it up a notch, and are dealing with your troubles. I'm so glad things are better for you . You got in your position of work, because you are smart, so remember that. HUGS!
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Unread 06-05-2015, 04:24 PM   #527
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Thank you all, you mean the world to me. Funny how close you can get to people you talk too through a computer screen. I cant remember who said it (sorry!) but i agree that it feels we are all huddled around a roaring fire, hot chocolate, tea and coffee, maybe marshmallows on sticks (do you Americans call them smores!??)

Ive just got home, it is 9.30pm, the afternoon went very fast as i was busy working in my studio - it felt good, to have an office, a place to work.

i feel much more focused i think.

I have read back some of my posts and noticed i didnt mention that i drank so im really sorry to tell you. On Wednesday night, i had maybe 5 beers. Still nowhere near the amount i used to drink when trying to forget or numb myself. So thats a positive i suppose, but im still disappointed in myself.

Like you have mentioned to me before though, i have to begin a new day and try not to drink, ive done that.

I now need to reschedule the gym into my days. Not long till i go on holiday, im running out of time to look better. If i give myself a good solid 4/5 weeks, i will treat myself with some new holiday clothes.

Please help me keep on track with encouragement!

Right, time for a nice hot bath, with candles and music.

Peace, love and happiness to you all xxx
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Unread 06-05-2015, 05:47 PM   #528
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X, It was Tryn who mentioned the warmth of the wood stove fire. You sound good. Work on that positive thinking.
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Unread 06-06-2015, 09:11 AM   #529
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I went to the doctor for the 5th bladder infection this year. She said that walking every day will increase the endorphins and increase my ability to deal with stress. I knew that but had forgotten. I think the gym sounds like a good idea! Wish we could go together.
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Unread 06-06-2015, 10:19 AM   #530
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Get well soon Susie.
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Unread 06-06-2015, 11:18 AM   #531
gmasusie
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Thanks, RLee
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Unread 06-07-2015, 07:52 AM   #532
Alexis
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good afternoon, This morning has been a little bit rubbish in terms of my mood. I am on new medication and it makes me so tired, so when i take at night, i struggle to get up in the morning so i feel guilty!

Anyway, i then made eggs for breakfast and its just made me feel really sick. Sat in bed now and waves of nausea rushing over me.

I didnt go to the studio yesterday so i will be leaving soon to work there. I have a list to get through, i feel exhausted but want to just get there and hopefully perk up. maybe a couple of coffees will help.

Last night was the Champions League final, Barcelona won, but i wanted Juventus to win...

Anyway watching the players at the end, lifting the cup, achieving great things, being the best. It made me jealous, that ill probably never be at the top of my profession.

I know people may say, to be happy with what i have, do my best etc, but i want to leave my mark on this world. I want to be great.

I have so many ideas for work, a big list in my studio of things to pursue...i worry im missing something.

Does it sound silly to say i really believe i have genius inside me?? I feel like i have something important to offer the world. And i get frustrated and anxious that it seems to be buried deep. I suppose hard work and perseverance will get it out.

I dont want to just exist.

I was reading last night about how some theorists believe the moon can affect us psychologically. It makes sense, if the moon can affect the sea, why not us, when we are 90% water...ive ordered a new book to learn more and might explore it in some work.

Anyway, hoping my sickness disappears a bit so i can get stuff done today.

Peace and love to all xx
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Unread 06-07-2015, 08:11 AM   #533
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Good afternoon Alexis. Bright blessings to you.

Indeed the final was a splendid spectacle. Ah, "being the best". Hmmmm, what actually is being the best?

A long way back now, i got to know someone whom a truly respected. The qualities this person made me feel, "one day....i want to be like that". I was young and terribly damaged at the time, and so i should imagine it became all too obvious that i had somewhat of an "overblown" perception of this fellow.

I hung on every word and i would embellish any achievement i perceived to have made to impress. Some years passed by, i began to learn, grow and mature, and we ended up being friends.....still.....i had an unrealistic marvel of said person.

Years later i invited him and his wife for dinner. We nattered and chatted and they noticed my piano and asked me why i had never said i played. They asked me to play a tune which i did, and this fellow whom i saw like a God, said to me with intent....."i would give anything, all i am, to be able to do that".

How can that be?...This dear fellow whom i thought was the bestest at absolutely everything, surely he can do everything......can't he?

What i learnt from it was not that i didn't feel any different about him, but i felt different about myself. From then on, as he is a very well known figure and he is spoken about in glowing terms, i now say.....(which he is amusingly aware of)......"ah yes, but he can't play the piano!"

Being the best at what you do simply means doing your best at what you do. If you can do that....you....by default....become the best!

All you are, all you will become means that whoever is deemed a genius is nothing compared to the fact that we are all miracles.

I hope you feel better soon dear Alexis.

Be Peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Alexis
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Unread 06-07-2015, 12:08 PM   #534
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I think i just want to be able to share things with the world, for my work to matter, to be important.

I have images of people i respect and admire on my studio wall; Jackson Pollock, Franz Kafka, Yayoi Kusama, Charles Bukowski, Kurt Cobain, Jack Kerouac, Michel Foucault....many more.

I suppose i look at them and think i want to be able to share my 'gift' the same way they do...

Its hard to explain because i dont mean be famous, i hate that and i hate how in this society we call people like Kim Kardashian famous.

I want to be able to reach a large number of people. I want to have something worthwhile to share.

Like i said, maybe hard work and dedication is just needed.


Its 5pm here, still in my studio, just having a tea break, its quiet, i think im the only person in! I have Blondie on and im sitting back and thinking.

I feel very inspired today, i have so many ideas, so much to read and learn, it can be overwhelming. I get overwhelmed quite easy with all the inspiration bubbling away inside of me. So much happening, so much work. Its like a drug i think (to me anyway) with my mental health issues i need to be careful not to let it lead to manic episodes. Which is actually difficult because i have created my best work while manic!!

So many polarised thoughts, pulling and tugging and biting and spitting....

x
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Unread 06-07-2015, 02:02 PM   #535
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Alexis,

I heard someone say once, "If you don't shoot for the stars, how will you every reach the moon?" I agree.

I also know sometimes we temper that sentiment with words from DESIDERATA: "You are a child of the universe. No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here, and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

Also, from the Bible I believe, "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me."

Whether you believe in God or not, we all have our place in the universe. There is nothing wrong with having ambitions. Just remember that the joy is in the journey, not in the end product or the recognition.

Yes, you have much to share with the world. This is a great place to start! Remember, "The breath of a butterfly can change the world." It is a ripple effect. It starts with one communication with one other soul. Here we are.

Love, Susie
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Unread 06-07-2015, 06:07 PM   #536
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Lovely post Susie thank you!!!

A few things i pick up on...

1) I have always loved the butterfly ripple effect, that the flapping of wings can cause a hurricane. Chaos Theory i think they call it. I have written down to research it more. I did so a long time ago and i think its time to go back to it

2) Im not religious, i dont think i believe in god. I have become more spiritual recently, reading about Buddhism. But i find it hard to imagine there is a god up there. However i really love the sparrow sentence you shared. it reminded me of a friends illustration, it was about depression and there was an image of a raven with the sentence "Today a Raven looked me right in the eye and spoke "Everything is going to be ok." But i didnt hear him, i had my music on." It makes me think i should listen out, look more, maybe it is all alright?

3) Lastly, and my favourite part is your first quote you shared. Not sure ive mentioned this before but Eminem is the artist i admire the most, if i could take one thing with me to a desert island it would be a never dying ipod with every Eminem song on it. I can listen to anything in the world, but i will always come back to him. Maybe it sounds silly, but i can be very honest when i say his music has saved my life, more than once.

Anyway, in a song called Not Afraid...he sings this line, the last line of the song...

I'd shoot for the moon, but i'm too busy gazing at the stars, and i feel amazing. Im not afraid.



Thank you Susie for making me remember these points. I have a glass of milk and im about to put The Simpsons on before i have a peaceful sleep. Today has been good, i coped with my anxieties about my art, i am getting excited about what im thinking about and creating, and im looking forward to tomorrow. Surely thats what its all about !?

I will wake up sober and without a hangover, added bonus!

Im thinking of you and your family Susie, and the rest of you here of course.

Love and peace to you all, good night xx
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Unread 06-07-2015, 06:13 PM   #537
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Sleep well, Alexis.
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Unread 06-07-2015, 07:05 PM   #538
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I agree Alexis studies writing skills are wisdom. Thinking of you Alexis as I draw some with pastels and wishing you continued peace tomorrow.
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Unread 06-08-2015, 02:05 PM   #539
Millie
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How great it is to be inspired! For the past three or four years I've signed up for National Novel Writing Month in November - with the goal being to complete a novel, no matter how bad, during the month of November.

Every year I jot down something, and maybe get a couple thousand words in, and decide that what I have isn't good enough, or I just can't come up with a plot.

Last November, while I still didn't have a plot, I did have a story, and that was more than I'd had in any previous attempts. That got me to about 8000 words, a new record for me, but still no complete novel. But I liked the idea enough that I've been chewing on it since then, and I think I have enough of an outline now to actually start writing again.

I think the reason I'm telling you all this is because people keep telling me to just start writing and the rest will come. But that's not true. If I start writing, I want it to be good. I want it to be publishable. I want it to be something someone will want to read. I want people to laugh and cry. And while any of that could happen, it shouldn't be the goal. Getting this down on paper should be the goal. Completing it should be the goal. So many shoulds. And honestly? If I ever *did* (do?) complete it? The accomplishment will be so huge I don't even know how it could possibly get better. So just yesterday, when I finally figured out a mechanism to thread the story together, I decided that completion would be my goal, and it was like a giant weight had been lifted.

When I was knee-deep in studying music and was very competitive to the point of anxiety, a wise person told me, "There will always be someone better than you." After the initial shock to my ego, again, a burden was lifted. There is no best. There will always be someone prettier, more talented, just better. And there's someone better than that person too!

My long-winded (sorry) point is that you DO have something great to offer the world. But it's not necessary to cause yourself stress by wanting to be the best, or to be perfect, or even to try too hard to leave a mark right away. And I've even found that the marks we leave, the differences we make in others' lives, are often the ones we weren't trying for.

Hope you slept well.
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Unread 06-08-2015, 03:02 PM   #540
gmasusie
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Well said, Millie.
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Unread 06-08-2015, 03:11 PM   #541
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Thank you Millie, was good to read your post, and i can tell you are a writer, you are articulate

im glad the weight has been lifted, and i hope you can finish your novel, in fact i dont hope, i know you will!! It may be good to share your ideas, id love to know what it is about!

You are right that this need shouldnt cause me stress, i often flit from wanting to be the best in my field, to just wanting to be the best person i can be.

I dont think i know how to get there, unfortunately within the arts nowadays, its not what you know, it is who you know.

I dont let that put me off though, and like Susie said, the journey can be just as good, maybe even more so, than the destination.

I had another pretty good day in the studio...although i didnt get through as much as i wanted/needed. Tomorrow will be a busy one. My London event is in 10 day and still so much to sort out.


Im also conscious of the fact i havent been to the gym in over a week. I will make sure i go tomorrow. I need to get back in that routine, i need to give myself a chance of looking better for my holiday, and if i want to be the best person i can be, then i think being fit and healthy is a big step.

I will take my gym bag, and aim to go after work.


Just heating up some veggie chilli at the moment, and guess what, i have an episode of the Simpsons on pause...! hahaa

Peace to all xx
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Unread 06-08-2015, 03:58 PM   #542
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Aw, thanks. That's kind of you to say. My story is a prequel to the James Thurber story "The Evening's At Seven," a brilliant three-page short story that is the opposite of most of his other writing.

When I did let go of being the best (at anything, really), having been an overachiever my whole life, I had to think a lot about it. Whether I'd regret it. And I think, on my deathbed, of the two things you say you flit between, I will be happy I was competitive, but will never regret not being the best in my field - that's such a moving target, with new blood constantly being infused. But if I wasn't the best person I could be, or hadn't tried, that would hurt deep down. Just a thought...

And boy do I relate to the "it's who you know" thing. I'm a bit envious that you have the opportunity to learn all of this so young. ;-)

And remember - even if you don't get instant results at the gym physically, it gives you endorphins that can help with the rest of life!
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Unread 06-08-2015, 04:31 PM   #543
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Millie, i dont know that story, i will look out for it though!

I agree that I will probably regret not being the best person i can be more...

Taking in the Eminem quote i posted to Susie the other day, "I'd shoot for the moon, but im too busy gazing at the stars and i feel amazing."

4 minutes of lying on my bed, listening to those words, being excited by my ideas, my research, by learning and using it all within my work.

And doing all that without the pressure of 'making it.'

I will try hard to hold onto this thought process. I need to bottle it up so i can breathe it in next time im drowning in self criticism!

And yes Millie, the thing is i KNOW the gym helps me mentally. I never leave the gym thinking, "well now i feel worse!" i always feel better...even if i sucked at my workout!

x
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Unread 06-08-2015, 04:44 PM   #544
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You can suck at a workout?! I'm in trouble!

If you bottle it, please send some across the pond. Sure can be hard to remember sometimes.
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Unread 06-08-2015, 05:48 PM   #545
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Alexis...good to know of your continued sobriety...btw if you cannot go to gym..bring gym home...pick some basic things/exercise you can do at home when you miss gym. I have workbench infront of TV...it helps when i am lazy...but one day at a time...hope your office is going well...
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Unread 06-08-2015, 11:20 PM   #546
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Alexis,

You sound so good: healthy and strong. Just keep the dialogue going. We all learn from it: so much wisdom from the words of youth!!!
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Unread 06-09-2015, 10:18 AM   #547
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gmasusie View Post
Alexis,

You sound so good: healthy and strong. Just keep the dialogue going. We all learn from it: so much wisdom from the words of youth!!!
wow thank you Susie, i sometimes feel all im doing is taking from this family, i often feel as the young one, i dont have any advice to give. You are all so rich with kindness, experience and love.

Your words mean a lot to me x
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Unread 06-09-2015, 12:41 PM   #548
Millie
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Alexis, inspiration doesn't necessarily come in the form of advice. You have a lot to offer here.
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Unread 06-09-2015, 01:24 PM   #549
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Well the past two hours have been a little crazy.

I blacked out and had to go to A&E.

Ive been having terrible withdrawals from my old medication, which was stopped as i went onto another kind of tablet.

ive been experiencing dizziness, feeling faint, hallucinating much worse than usual, getting 'brain zaps' which feel like electric shocks in the brain and through my body, muscle spasms and fatigue.

Ive felt like this for around 4 days.

The doctors cant believe the medication was just stopped and I wasnt weaned off them. They said it is very dangerous to just stop them.

They wanted me to be sectioned to keep an eye on me, but i wanted to go home. SO im back now, i have some other medication which will hopefully help with the symptoms im experiencing.

Just lying on my bed, taking it easy. Feel really delicate and poorly.

Hope everyone is having a nice day xx
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Unread 06-09-2015, 01:32 PM   #550
Millie
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Oh no!! I've heard about the "brain zaps" from abruptly ending meds. Hope you feel more balanced soon. That sounds horrible.
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