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Unread 08-06-2015, 04:33 PM   #151
R. Lee
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jenm, Our meds for depression says do not drink alcohol taking this. I still drank taking it. Any plan that you can come up with to keep from drinking use it.

Have a great day.
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Unread 08-06-2015, 11:45 PM   #152
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R Lee is right, we shouldn't drink on our anti depressant meds, I do though and it has a bad impact on me..

I hope you can do better Jen you deserve it! I hope you have fun with your son x
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Unread 08-07-2015, 06:59 PM   #153
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I hope your weekend goes well, have fun with your son. I wish I could go to your fitness class.
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Unread 08-07-2015, 09:59 PM   #154
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Jenm, Hang in there. You know what you need to do. You know we are with you. Keep talking to us.
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Unread 08-10-2015, 11:26 AM   #155
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I will, thanks so much for all of the support! Love you all, Jenm
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Unread 08-10-2015, 04:29 PM   #156
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Have a great day jenm.
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Unread 08-10-2015, 06:51 PM   #157
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Good evening dear Jenm. Bright blessings to you.

I am catching up slowly, forgive me.

I am hearing "hanging in there's".

I can only say say at this time thank you for giving me strength.

(It means you got it.....Duh!!!)

Loveness to you dear Jenm
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Unread 08-10-2015, 09:03 PM   #158
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Great going Jenm ... you inspire me...have a good day
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Unread 08-12-2015, 01:05 PM   #159
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How are you today, Jenm?
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Unread 08-13-2015, 11:00 PM   #160
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How are you Jennm??

Thinking of you.

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Unread 08-14-2015, 10:33 AM   #161
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Jenm, How are you doing?

have a great day.
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Unread 08-14-2015, 12:02 PM   #162
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Jenm, Let us hear from you! You know we care.
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Unread 08-14-2015, 07:02 PM   #163
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Hi! I am working on day 2. This insidious disease.

Today I thought through the first drink - and played the tape all the way through. Many thanks and hugs to all of you for not giving up on me. And to my Mom, Nan, for not giving up on me. She is a rock.

I have (for the first time) opened up completely with the biblical counselor at church and with my small group Bible study brothers/sisters in Christ. I have covered everything up to this point, fearing judgment. As far as I know, there is only one judge, and only one God, and it isn't me. Time for me to get out of the driver's seat, clearly I cannot do this on my own and 'pretending'. Thanks, love you all, Jenm
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Unread 08-14-2015, 07:10 PM   #164
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Sounds like a great idea Jenm.

Dont let them put you down.

One day at a time.

Think through that next drink.
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Unread 08-14-2015, 08:17 PM   #165
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How did opening up to them work out Jen? I hope they were understanding.

We love you x
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Unread 08-15-2015, 10:02 AM   #166
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I glad you opened up to them Jenm. I can't imagine them not understanding but then again one nevers knows how others will react. The important thing is we are accountable to ourselves. Hang in there and keep working it. We are here for you!!

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Unread 08-15-2015, 10:20 AM   #167
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Thanks Saint, Alexis, R Lee -

You're right. I am accountable to myself. At the same time, I have to be honest and if they judge, they judge. I can't control them.

Day 3 and I have a really long day at work. My son is taking me and picking me up. I'm trusting the Lord that I will be provided with all I need for today, and am staying in today! Love, Jenm
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Unread 08-15-2015, 10:29 AM   #168
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Jenm, You've done this before; you can do it again. We will be here!
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Unread 08-15-2015, 01:01 PM   #169
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Hi Jenm. You are absolutely right that you can't control them. But I'm proud of you for telling them. I hope they'll be a source of support.

In any case, I believe in you. And we will be here for you no matter what. And you know there's no judgment here. I've been surprised to relearn that over and over.

Hugs! You can do this!
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Unread 08-15-2015, 04:51 PM   #170
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Day 3 is a good day. I know you can do this.
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Unread 08-15-2015, 08:41 PM   #171
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Congratulations Jenm on 3 days sober.

Think through that next urge to drink & you will be fine.

Have a great evening.
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Unread 08-16-2015, 04:42 PM   #172
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How are you today Jenm?

Thinking of you.
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Unread 08-17-2015, 04:16 AM   #173
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Hope you are doing well Jen, thanks for your support xx
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Unread 08-17-2015, 08:29 AM   #174
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Hi!

I worked almost 12 hours on Sat and another 7 last night. I went to church yesterday am and the support was AMAZING. Like I said, I opened up (finally after a year) to my small group and others about my alcoholism. Whether or not they judge, I cannot be a secret. Obviously, from my own experience, that keeps me sick. As easy at it is to beat up on ourselves, the selfishness and pride that we experience in doing just that can keep us from accepting the most loving support.

I'm very grateful to have worked through the weekend and am sober this morning, by the grace of God, for day 5. Thank you all, so very much, for your love and support! Jenm
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Unread 08-17-2015, 08:46 AM   #175
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thanks for sharing and I'm so happy for you, bless you!
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Unread 08-17-2015, 10:30 AM   #176
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Great job Jenm.

Have a great day.
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Unread 08-17-2015, 07:30 PM   #177
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Hi Jen,

Good job, friend. Awesome!!

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Unread 08-17-2015, 09:35 PM   #178
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Good work Jennm!!
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Unread 08-18-2015, 01:40 AM   #179
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Well done!!
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Unread 08-18-2015, 07:00 AM   #180
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Good morning dear Jenm. Bright blessings to you.

I am so relieved for you that you found an opening in your heart that empowered you to share. Never forget that when any of us share, we are also enabling others on their way.

My love and strength to you.

By peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dear Jenm
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Unread 08-18-2015, 09:44 AM   #181
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Congratulations on 6 days sober.

Think through that 1st. drink.

Have a great day.
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Unread 08-18-2015, 12:09 PM   #182
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Jenm, you're the bomb! (Is that slang passe now?)
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Unread 08-19-2015, 05:18 AM   #183
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oh Jen this is amazing news so happy for you and so so pleased your group were open and accepting. That is all we can wish from our human race!

Love to you xxx
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Unread 08-19-2015, 11:28 AM   #184
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Gma Susie you crack me up! I think it might be "you are the bomb dot com"??!!?? Let me ask my teenage sons, they will tell me how cool I am. At least my little dude still wants to hang out with me.

Day 7 - my sleep is crap. But I know it will get better. I am seeing the Biblical Counselor at church today and then I work tonight. I have many hours at work from now through the weekend (including another 12 hour serving shift on Saturday) but that's ok. I'm grateful to have a job. Jobs. My body is so sore right now as I taught 3 fitness classes in the past couple of days - I have been getting a lot of subs lately until now - and my muscles are SCREAMING at me. I love it.

I have terrible anxiety and fear about upcoming court dates and such, but I MUST stay in God's word and give it to Him. I find myself pouring over legal cases and trying to "guess" what is going to happen and it just drives me more nuts. Instead of doing that, I need to stay in the Word, close to you all, close to my amazing support from my sisters/brothers in Christ, hang out with my boys, anything. Even my gigantic, morbidly obese cat Joleen can be a distraction. Poor Joleen.

Anyway, as always, thank you all for being here for me. And everyone. We can do this, one day/hour/minute/second at a time. I'm grateful! Love, Jenm
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Unread 08-20-2015, 10:16 AM   #185
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It will be ok, as I wake up each night for 3 hours, I will say a special prayer for you too. You have an endearing, warm spirit that is so enlightening! You can stay sober, big hug!
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Unread 08-20-2015, 11:55 AM   #186
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Good afternoon dear Jenm. Bright blessings to you.

(May i suggest that if you move Joleen, the brightness of my blessings might be just a little bit brighter. How many times do you think there is an eclipse only to find out Joleen is sitting on the window sill?)

I really want to say that, (you remember back in the day, and i see you all as brothers and sisters now?), you were the first time i recognised i had sisters and brothers here.

Ergo, you gave me a huge gift. From that, years ago now, i can hug a sister and give her the strength she gave me.

I don't want to appear arrogant?......(surely not??....Tryn arrogant?).....and i know how Important having God in your life is.....i hesitate....(i wouldn't want to overstep my station!), but i have it on good authority...(hush hush), that when he is not about, we, and i, are always here.

Gratitude, peacefulness and strength. Loveness to you dear Jenm.
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Unread 08-20-2015, 08:29 PM   #187
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Great job on 7 days, Jenm! You are so right that it's better to stay in the present. In so many ways...
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Unread 08-20-2015, 10:18 PM   #188
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Jenm,
Prepare for the worst but move forward with strength and purpose. Be your own best advocate, do the work to stay sober. That we can control.

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Unread 08-21-2015, 12:19 AM   #189
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Jenm, Congratulations on 7 days.

Take time & read what I posted to jditody about worrying about pending court.

Turn it over to god.
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Unread 08-21-2015, 08:54 AM   #190
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Hi Everyone!

Thanks so much, as always, for your support. Tryn - you made me laugh! All eclipses of everything, everywhere, are because Joleen is sitting in the window. She can't sit in the cats' favorite window though because she doesn't fit.

Yep - right on, R Lee. I have given it to God, and I have to repeatedly do it over and over again. I am humble, and I am prepared to deal with whatever I am handed. Most importantly, I am sober today (9 days) and I have stopped running from a God who has never ever left me anyway. I made my bed, and now I have to (and will) follow through with whatever I have to. I'm sober today! Praise the Lord for that.

Love you all, Jenm
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Unread 08-21-2015, 09:28 AM   #191
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jenm, Congratulations on 9 day sober.

Have a great day.
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Unread 08-21-2015, 11:28 AM   #192
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Great attitude Jennm. I read your post to JD and want to say you are doing all you can to put yourself in the best position possible when you go before the judge.

Congrats on your sobriety.

Hang in there, Chin up, shoulders back. You got this.

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Unread 08-21-2015, 07:14 PM   #193
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I too read your note on JD's thread and think it's amazing that you're doing what you have to.

You rock.
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Unread 08-21-2015, 09:20 PM   #194
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Biggest Hug, you are brave, beautiful, and strong. Wishing you the best outcome, Jenm.
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Unread 08-22-2015, 10:13 AM   #195
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Good afternoon dear Jenm. Bright blessings to you.

I have been reading your recent journey more on others journeys with the love you have been giving. I want to send my love to you sister.

You have a tag on your ankle that can detect through your perspiration any alcohol in your system. Top choice. You have a court date coming up, and you are being positive and humble. You are giving, sharing with others at a time you could chose many other options. That is inspiration.

Never mind all that.

I am your brother, with all my other and brothers and sister here, i know we are standing right next to you, on your shoulder.

Loveness and strength dear Jenm
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Unread 08-22-2015, 10:25 AM   #196
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Thanks so much, Tryn! And Millie, Saint, R Lee, Susie, Alexis, EVERYONE!

Yep I have this thing on my ankle. It is the latest in fall fashion. If only I could bedazzle it. I think that would be considered "tampering" though so I won't go there.

I slept for 10 hours last night. WOW! In the past couple of days, I've had 2 long shifts at work, taught a weightlifting class, took my little guy to the state fair, and had a meeting at school for my oldest. I was a tired girl.

Today I just feel very grateful. Court is 9/9 - and I will be there and I will be (I am) humble and honest. I'm grateful for my boys, who have forgiven me and continue to love me despite all my screw ups, my family who has never left my side, for all of you, my wonderful support I have from my small group and everyone at church - my health, my cats, my dirty and unfolded clean laundry, I could just go on and on. Even the servers and bartenders at work, many of whom deal with alcohol problems as well, are supportive. Perhaps I can be a help to them, a living example of living sober and living in today.

I believe God has me just where He wants me today. I spent the past year trying to cover my rear end. At this point I am staying close to the one who has saved my soul. Take care, and thanks for being here for me - always! Love, Jenm
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Unread 08-22-2015, 03:52 PM   #197
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That sounds like the scram bracelet am I right? Nothing says commitment to a judge like a tattle tale on your ankle. I had thoughts of doing this as well, but as I am trying to keep the lid on everything at work and with my mom and grandma, I am trying to put off any ankle wear until it's pants season.

I hope all is well with you, stay strong.
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Unread 08-22-2015, 05:43 PM   #198
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jenm, You are in a great place.

Have a great day.
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Unread 08-23-2015, 09:12 AM   #199
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You do sound great Jen. I am glad you have found a place of peace and strength despite all that is going on in your life. You remind me of the important things in life and how to stay sober, how to live on life's terms.

Peace,
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Unread 08-23-2015, 09:57 AM   #200
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Thanks JD, R Lee, Saint - as always.

I worked 12 hours yesterday and took no break. As a server, I think I hit a wall about hour 10. It's ok though, I'm grateful to have a job. I work in a very popular place and we always have a long wait for dinner, especially on weekends. My customers were for the most part nice, tipped well, and I just love people so it's all good.

Yes JD it is the Scram. I'm pretty used to it now, and I can wear shorts or pants to work. I've been wearing shorts, as my cut offs are much more comfortable and I have pockets. So of course I got kinds of comments from my coworkers, but they were mostly very supportive. One of the girls asked me why I just didn't wear pants to hide it. My response was, "Why? I don't have anything to hide, and also I don't care" (I really don't, I'm very social and outgoing and not a lot bothers me). They know I'm dealing with this stuff, I cannot be a secret. As I have learned (repeatedly) that if I am not an open book about myself, that opens the door for me to hide more things, and eventually will lead me back to the drink. Just my situation, but it is what I have to do and am willing to do.

Again, thanks for all the support. We are going to church this am and - oh! - I have to work again tonight. Just a 4-10ish shift though, and tomorrow I'm off with the exception of teaching 2 fitness classes at 2 gyms. And tomorrow is the first day of school for the boys! How exciting. 2 in high school, one in 1st grade. I'm so blessed. Have a great day!!! Jenm
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