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Unread 04-13-2015, 02:27 PM   #101
Tryntryagain
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Good evening dear Jen. Bright blessings to you.

Nope i just can't do it.....it just doesn't sound right to call you that........

Hi dear Jenm, there we go.

Just wishing and wanting solace and relief to your friend, and loveness to your dudes.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Jen
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Unread 04-13-2015, 03:33 PM   #102
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Hi Jenm, just wanted to say it's nice to see you around more.
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Unread 04-13-2015, 04:38 PM   #103
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Dear Jenm,

I hope your life is more stable now. We all wish we could take a little of your burden from your shoulders!

Love, Susie
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Unread 04-13-2015, 08:30 PM   #104
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Jenm,

I am also grateful you are posting more because I am hoping that also means you are coming to grips with what you have been struggling with. You are such a bright light to all of us here. My best wishes to you and your family. Three boys, yikes!!

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Unread 04-14-2015, 04:54 PM   #105
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Oh thank you Saint and Millie and Alexis and Susie and of course my Tryn!

Things are better. Not perfect, but better. And I am so ok with that! I know that there are storms in life and that there is the other side of them - but, sometimes it is hard to see the other side when you are in the middle of them.

So what did I do? I reached out for help. I know that I cannot do anything alone. I'm so so so thankful for the Lord's saving grace and His mercy - when I have trouble forgiving myself, I know that in Him I AM FORGIVEN. Wow! So cool. And of course all of you. I have been around this site for about 8 years or so, and I can honestly say (with no disrespect to anyone else of course) that this strong group of WINNERS is a huge help to me. And that is an understatement! I cannot begin to explain how reading everyone's stories, struggles, and successes gives me hope and inspiration.

Seriously, you are all family. And I'm lucky enough even to have a real family member around here, my wonderful mom Nan.

Quick funny story - I am volunteering at the animal rescue league with the cats. I love them all. I just pop in and help when and where I can. About a month ago, I fell in absolute love with this morbidly obese cat named Joleen. She is 6. Poor baby, she was (I think) dumped outside somewhere in the city and was found as a stray, and she has all 4 paws declawed! First of all, poor thing doesn't want to run with her extra weight, and she cannot defend herself! I found myself thinking about her and talking about her all the time. So last week, in between working 4 part-time jobs and my 3 boys and their activities, I had one hour to go see Joleen. So I went there and adopted her and now she lives with me, the boys, and her three boy cat brothers. My sons say that I'm in "crazy cat lady" training. So be it. After hiss fest 2015, Joleen is settling in nicely and I plan to put her on one of my fitness plans soon. As soon as she learns how to eat standing up instead of laying down by her food dish. Poor Joleen. Love you all! Jenm
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Unread 04-14-2015, 05:18 PM   #106
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Your story made me cry. You are absolutely wonderful for taking her in. <3

I am so so so glad things are going better for you. I'm still learning that lesson about reaching out for help. It can be so hard, but it always seems to be the best thing.
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Unread 04-15-2015, 11:32 AM   #107
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thanks for sharing your post about your cats, take care and have a nice day today. Also, we have a lot in common with fitness activities.
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Unread 04-16-2015, 12:24 AM   #108
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The old cat lady, eh? I brought home kids!!!!! 12 of them total over the years. All younger versions of Tryn. Social Services Dept. was delighted because they were teens that nobody wanted and they had no placement for. So, cats don't sound too crazy to me! I want to hear more about Jolene. If you are successful with her, I may let you put me on a diet, exercise regimen, etc..... Actually, I have lost 30 pounds since I quit drinking!

Getting old is discouraging to me. I just have to remind myself that according to genetics, I may live another 30 years, so I'd better start looking at it as RLee says, one day at a time!
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Unread 04-16-2015, 07:56 AM   #109
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Wow Susie! This is a testament to the kind and caring heart you have, for sure! Poor Joleen. She sleeps with my 14 year old son and night and I don't let her out in the morning until the 3 boy cats have had their little soft food treat. Joleen is not allowed to have soft food due to her weight. I will admit that I slip her a few cat treats from time to time because I just have to.

You are not getting old unless you think you're getting old. I am grateful today that I have the ability to teach all these fitness classes and really run around like crazy for all my jobs, but I know that always won't be the case. So I'll enjoy it for now, and figure something else out when I have to. Jenm
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Unread 04-16-2015, 10:30 AM   #110
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Jenm,

I love you. You make me feel young.
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Unread 04-22-2015, 10:12 AM   #111
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This thread has been one of my thorough reads of today. Firstly, Jen, love and strength to you and I'm so glad that your posts are sounding more positive towards the latter part of the thread. Secondly, wow at the outpouring of love and support from everyone here! Jen, everybody adores you and they are all such lovely people! I'm so glad to have found my way here, too!

And last but not least, I'm a crazy cat lady, but I'm also a crazy fish lady (hence the name!) I have three cats (four until last month when one sadly passed away), about 40 fish and also a dog. But I thought Catfish was a better name than Catfishdog.

I truly hope that things are going well in your life. Lots of love. Xxx
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Unread 04-22-2015, 01:02 PM   #112
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Jenm, how are you doing?
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Unread 04-23-2015, 08:30 AM   #113
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Hi Millie, Catfish!

Thank you for such a nice post. I am doing well - really busy, but well!

I'm coming to know a peace - one that I have not had in awhile. It has been slow coming, mostly because of my own stubborn thoughts and behavior. I am grateful that I am meeting weekly with the biblical counselor at my church.

It is absolutely my privilege and pleasure to be a positive light to those around here, and in my daily life with those I meet in person! Despite my struggles, I know that the Lord has a plan for me, and once I was saved, He will not let me go. What an amazing gift. Take care! Jenm
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Unread 04-23-2015, 11:41 AM   #114
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Jenm,

I am glad that you are finding some serenity. You deserve it. You are a light for all of us here.

Love, Susie
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Unread 04-23-2015, 12:22 PM   #115
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That's really wonderful, Jen. Long may that peace continue to grow and flourish. I'm so glad you're doing so well.
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Unread 04-23-2015, 03:26 PM   #116
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Jennm,

Glad to hear things are improving for you. You are indeed a guiding light for everyone here.

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Unread 05-09-2015, 09:59 AM   #117
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Good afternoon Dear Jenm. Bright blessings to you.

I simply have to come by as you let slip it is your birthday tomorrow. Now being in dear old Blighty and you on the other side of the world i never know what time it is.

Thus i want to get in early!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST JEN.

I hope you enjoy a sober, joyful and well deserved breakfast in bed day. (Ok, you can dream!)

So 21....yet again eh?

On your birthday my present to you is my gratitude, my love, my "thank yous" all wrapped up in a box. When you open it Tryns hope, positivity, his growing real confidence and his much needed maturity will "pop out".

"What's this?".......

"That dear Jen is what your influence, your wisdom and experience, your encouragement to share honesty and what is in your heart, has meant to me, empowered me and even when you tell me off i learn!!"

Happy Birthday. A great big hug from across the Ocean.

Be peaceful, be healthy and today very happy, be as proud as of you as we are all of you, be strong.

Loveness to you Dear Jen.
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Unread 05-09-2015, 02:51 PM   #118
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Happy Birthday JenM...have a great one..
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Unread 05-09-2015, 05:38 PM   #119
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Happy Bday, Jen! We are thinking of you! I send my best wishes.
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Unread 05-09-2015, 06:22 PM   #120
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Birthday?

Happy Birthday Jen!!
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Unread 05-09-2015, 08:17 PM   #121
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Hi Jen!

Just saw this. Birthday? You? Great. I sure hope it's a good one. I'm betting it is. I mean, you have health and lots of family-love. Even when your boys don't show it, even when they're pains in the rear-end, they love you with their entire being.

Maybe they recognize this; maybe they don't. No matter. It's there, inside them and in every cell of YOUR being--the bond of Mom 'n Child. Children, in some cases...as in, YOU.

Anyway. I know that you, like all folks, have concerns and worries and all manner of struggles. The thing is, what you also have, as I see it anyway, is something that NOT everyone has---and that is decency. Really Jen, it's pretty easy to see: you are a decent and kind person.

You deserve a good and happy birthday!

best,

sam
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Unread 05-10-2015, 06:30 AM   #122
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Hi Jen! Happy 29th birthday and Happy Mother's Day! I hope it's as special as you are.

(((hugs)))

Nancy
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Unread 05-10-2015, 10:51 AM   #123
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Jenm. Happy Birthday & Mothers Day.
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Unread 05-10-2015, 11:30 AM   #124
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Happy Birthday Jen! Xxx
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Unread 05-11-2015, 08:07 AM   #125
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Thank you everyone! The day was wonderful. I am so very blessed. The boys and I went to Sesame Street Live - even my teenage boys went! We had a great time.

Thank you for thinking of me on my birthday. I'm so grateful for all of you! Love, Jenm
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Unread 05-11-2015, 08:49 AM   #126
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Happy Belated Birthday and mother's day, glad you had a great one!
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Unread 05-11-2015, 04:42 PM   #127
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I'm sorry I missed your birthday! Glad it was nice.
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Unread 05-11-2015, 09:17 PM   #128
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I'm glad it was a good day with your boys.
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Unread 06-07-2015, 06:13 PM   #129
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hello Jen, how are things going? How are your boys?

Hope you are all happy and well xx
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Unread 06-11-2015, 09:35 AM   #130
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I hope everything is good with you.
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Unread 07-17-2015, 06:23 AM   #131
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How are you Jen? Missing you being around, please let us know how you are if you get chance xxx
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Unread 07-26-2015, 09:25 AM   #132
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Hey, Jenm.

Hope everything is good for you.

Love, susie
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Unread 08-03-2015, 11:44 AM   #133
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Hi!

Things have been busy with the boys and all the jobs, but I have also been drinking. For those of you who can stay sober another day, do it. It does NOT get any better out there!

Today is a new day, and a day that I can choose not to take a drink. Thank the Lord for the wonderful help of my family and the support I have from my family at church, and also all of you. I know that you love without judging. Thank you for that, I'm doing a good enough job of beating on myself right now! Take care, Jenm
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Unread 08-03-2015, 12:33 PM   #134
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So glad to hear from you, be gentle on yourself, You are loved!
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Unread 08-03-2015, 02:15 PM   #135
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Thank you for checking in, Jenm.

Today is indeed a bright new day. Make it a good one.
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Unread 08-03-2015, 04:44 PM   #136
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Good job jenm. Have a great day.
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Unread 08-03-2015, 07:09 PM   #137
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Hey Jen!

While it's totally true that we are, and must remain, responsible for our choices and behaviors, it is always a bad, bad, really bad idea to beat hades out of ourselves for even the worst decisions we make.

Once recognized and owned, a poor choice is never made better by shame.

But then, you already know this, a good thing that you do.

I am sorry though for whatever part of life that got in the way of you being good to---you. Dude! as my son still often says, sometimes life is just damned hard.

Sometimes we make mistakes; and sometimes we don't. Sometimes we make the perfect decisions.

Jen? Based on all I've read in your posts on this forum, you have made, especially recently, a LOT of good and positive decisions and choices. In a difficult world kid, you are to be admired and, in the proper context, cherished for the strength and decency you exhibit, time after time.

You are though, an addict, booze and whatever. Me too. Our negative choices, despite the roar of whatever chaos is torturing us, can take us out. You know this too, of course. And good that you do.

Whatever noise in your head 'n heart that's disturbing you now, Jen---shake it off, best you can. Stand up, dust off those britches and go forward.

To hell with shame and any disgusting self torture, reclaim your life!

Sounds like you may be doing this even now. I hope so. For your boys, yes. But for you, too, Jen. You are entitled to a good life.

Same as everyone else.

No matter our condition or affliction, we can recover. We can move forward. You? No doubt, you sure as heck can!

best,

sam
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Unread 08-03-2015, 08:53 PM   #138
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Dearest Jenm,

Listen to Sam. He speaks truth! So does RLee and the rest. We love you so because you love us so.

There is no more difficult job in the world than rearing teenagers. You will have more misteps along the way, maybe not with alcohol, but we are all human! That is the other thing we here have in common besides alcohol.

You are always compassionate with us when we deal with our crazy lives: now you must be compassionate with yourself. There is no shame in being human.

As Sam said, pick yourself up and dust yourself off! Tell us what's going on, if you're ready. Know that we love you and are here to support you, not to judge you. I am glad you have support of family and church.

Stay in touch with us. Love, Susie
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Unread 08-03-2015, 10:07 PM   #139
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Jenm,

Welcome back! !!

Everyone has given you such great advice and perspective so let me just repeat this: We love you, we need you, and we are here for you.

Oh one more thing...no more beating up yourself. What's done is done. Time to address the issue and move forward.

Think through that first drink.

Welcome back!!!
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Unread 08-04-2015, 10:12 PM   #140
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Thank you so very much R Lee, Susie, Sam, Lostdog, Millie, Saint, everyone.

Absolutely true - it does no good for me to beat up on myself. But darn it I'm so good at it! Definitely a work in progress, and I'm working it!

Day 3 and I know that physically I'll just start to feel better and better. Doesn't help that the eating disorder showed back up too. Darn thing. I'm gonna have to beat the crap out of that as well.

Love you all, I'll check in again soon. Grateful I have many hours at work through the week and weekend as that helps me keep my mind off things. I suck at unstructured time. Jenm
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Unread 08-05-2015, 06:46 AM   #141
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Sometimes when we are busy those thoughts are building against ourselves. I know from experience for sure. So, every morning wake up and tell yourself you are capable and extremely compentent. It begins to form a mold on believing in yourself. I believe in you and you can too.
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Unread 08-05-2015, 07:14 AM   #142
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Hi Jen, congrats on day 4! Keep trying to stay in the present and not look back. Be as strong and gentle on yourself as you always are for others.

Now go beat the crap out of the eating disorder and alcohol!!

Nancy
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Unread 08-05-2015, 08:15 AM   #143
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L.D. Have a great day. Think through that 1st drink.
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Unread 08-05-2015, 12:21 PM   #144
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Good morning, Jenm. You sound so positive. You can do this.

I suck at unstructured time too. I like that you put it that way. Perfect. Have a great today!
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Unread 08-05-2015, 07:25 PM   #145
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Jenm,

We're all rooting for you!! Let us know how you are getting on. Love, Susie
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Unread 08-05-2015, 09:47 PM   #146
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Yay welcome back Jen, I missed you. You sound positive & capable. I believe in you check in again soon.

Love always xx
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Unread 08-05-2015, 10:47 PM   #147
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Jenm,
We are alcoholics and we are human.....shit will happen.

What's important is where you go from here. Drinking is what we do best. When you put the drink aside you can work on the why,

Congrats on putting that drink aside!

You know we are here for you.

(((HUGGGSS)))
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Unread 08-06-2015, 10:09 AM   #148
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Hi!

Day 5 and I'm alive. (nice rhyme) I was so nervous about going to work last night, but I had a great night! I am having my 16 year old son give me rides to and from work, I told him it helped me feel safer about having that plan. It really isn't drinking at work that bothers me (I work in a restaurant that serves alcohol) it is picking up something on the way home. He says he is willing to give me rides to and from work for the rest of this weekend. I'm grateful!

It really is a day at a time. Obviously, my anti-depressant medication could not do it's 'thing' when I was drinking, so Lord willing it will start doing it's job now. Each day will get better, I know it, so I just try to keep doing the next right thing that is in front of me to do.

Another night at work tonight, and tomorrow morning I get to teach my weight lifting class. I'm grateful for my fitness jobs - it really helps to sweat! I'm so blessed by all of you and your caring, non-judgmental, loving posts. It really helps. Jenm
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Unread 08-06-2015, 12:47 PM   #149
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All good stuff, Jenm! Have a wonderful day.
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Unread 08-06-2015, 03:07 PM   #150
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Hang in there Jennm. Great idea having your son drive you!
Thinking of you!!
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