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Unread 04-27-2015, 12:26 PM   #351
lostdog
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I woke up for several hours with worries about this new accounting and then put it aside and decided I just had to get up and then task it. So, up to it now.
The positive comments are wonderful and that helps me so much, thanks!
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Unread 04-27-2015, 12:27 PM   #352
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Lostdog,
My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk. Why? When drunk we are not facing life, facing our problems, we are running from them. We may feel like drinking because that is what is normal, easy for us at the moment. Learn to feel normal in your own skin. Well you are learning how aren't you. Congrats on taking those steps. It is hard now but worth the struggle!

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Unread 04-27-2015, 01:29 PM   #353
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Wonderful words, Saint. I hope LD finds as much comfort and encouragement in them as I do. Thank you. Xxxx
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Unread 04-27-2015, 02:01 PM   #354
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Saint you do have wisdom, you know what you are talking about for sure. It is terribly hard, but I am really trying to get a grip on life and get it together. I'm using my resources too. Catfish- they are good words and I'm so glad you saw them too. Hugs for the support.
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Unread 04-27-2015, 11:16 PM   #355
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I am here to feel goodness and light for you. The human connection is powerful.
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Unread 04-28-2015, 10:33 AM   #356
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lostdog, We must take care of our responsibilities. Stay strong.
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Unread 04-28-2015, 11:55 AM   #357
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LD, I know you have responsibilities, but be kind to yourself. You and your sobriety come first. We are not always taught that, but it is true.
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Unread 04-28-2015, 02:12 PM   #358
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Susie is absolutely right, LD. Be kind to yourself. Sending positivity to you. xxxx
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Unread 04-28-2015, 02:27 PM   #359
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Lostdog, I'm the last person to be preachy, but this quote has been helping me:

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."

We can change ourselves, and that's why we're all here. We all know that you're strong. I really believe that every one of this great group is strong, and that's why we keep coming here and supporting each other.

Believe me, I've felt like giving up completely recently. I won't give up, and the wonderful support you've given me is one of the reasons why, so of course I'm here to support you in the small way I can. Take care!
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Unread 04-29-2015, 01:03 AM   #360
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Secret Tiger,

I am so glad to have you back with us! We all need your support.
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Unread 04-29-2015, 01:04 AM   #361
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Lost Dog,

Sleep well and soundly. Tomorrow is a new day. One day at a time.
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Unread 04-29-2015, 09:34 AM   #362
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Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

"I am really trying to get a grip on life and get it together"..........you are too hard on yourself.

Forgive me for outrageous assumptions, although having known you for a while now, having had the benefit of your love, understanding, support and strength you have given me and others.....oh hold on a moment.....YOU have given me YOUR love, understanding, support and strength. All of those beautiful qualities came, and come, from you. You possess and are the owner of everything you need.

However when you have been made to feel utterly worthless on your journey, having survived that dreadfully disheartening journey, now the goodness and strength in you can "sit tight" no longer.

I know that to be true simply because you have shared your wisdom and experience with me on my way, and all of us here.

There is so much commanality amongst all of us here, even from different parts of the world. I really do know what it is like to dislike oneself, feel as if i do not deserve to feel "full up", somehow my instincts guide me away from what i know i am, my struggle is fighting back against those instincts......they were never mine......they were imposed on me before i knew better.

I have heard it from my brothers and sisters a couple of times, and it was said to me about 10 years ago in a rehab. Frankly Lost Dog, when i was asked to do it, my answer intitally was...."are you having a laugh?"....i said it quite threateningly...because what he asked me to do felt "threatening"...i was simply asked to look into the mirror and say...."i love you".

Do you know i couldn't do it?

Now, with the support of the family here, i visit the mirror when i feel self destruction and self harm next to me.

You are worth a goldmine Lost Dog....you really can enjoy your treasure.

Be Peaceful, be gentle with yourself, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Lost Dog
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Unread 04-29-2015, 12:12 PM   #363
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lostdog have a good day friend....
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Unread 04-29-2015, 01:30 PM   #364
gmasusie
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Lostdog,

You are not lost; you are finding yourself. Max Ehrmann said it better than I ever could in "Desiderata:"

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy."


It hangs on the wall of the Old Church in Boston.
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Unread 04-29-2015, 02:21 PM   #365
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Gmasusie thank you for sharing that passage from Max Ehrmann. I find his words to be timeless and full of wisdom.

Lostdog please be kind to yourself and don't suffer alone. We are here for you and make suggestions based on what we feel works for us. Take what works for you and throw away the rest.

No pressure here. We are all miracles of one. You will find your way, of that I am sure. At times when I am lost I look at the stars at night and marvel at the beauty, grandeur, and mystery of life. I am always inspired!!

(((BBig Hugggg)))

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Unread 04-29-2015, 03:20 PM   #366
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I thank you too, gmasusie, for sharing that. I have it hanging in my hallway and find a different spot in it every time I pass by it.

Lostdog, I also need to echo Saint. Please don't suffer alone. We care so much.
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Unread 04-29-2015, 05:53 PM   #367
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I feel very blessed to have all of ya'll to help me. I am not alone, I felt it the other day, but I'm doing pretty well today, thank you for the support. I need an accountant at home to do all this paperwork, but other than that I am grateful.
Yesterday, we went to an annual dinner event and we sat by several elderly couples, this sweet man who sat next to me and told me all these stories of kids and teaching agricultural, discipline,etc. Before he left he gave me a necklace with a beautiful cross on it. I was very touched and looked at the postive side of that evening and felt very lucky that evening to have met that special old gentleman.
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Unread 04-29-2015, 08:07 PM   #368
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lostdog, Stay strong you are worth it.
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Unread 04-29-2015, 08:08 PM   #369
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I'm always glad to have you find the positive in life. I know you feel overwhelmed and anxious sometimes, but you lift up so many of us. I am glad that people like us and the old gentleman are here to give you an occasional lift.
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Unread 04-30-2015, 07:12 AM   #370
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He sounds delightful, Lostdog. I'm so glad you had such a positive experience.
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Unread 05-08-2015, 04:11 PM   #371
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Good evening Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

What a lovely, lovely post.

It is so because it expresses you every bit as it expresses that old gentle, gentleman.

I care little if i overstep some sort of line, but you are truly a gentle and generous soul. Do not presume it is timidity, it is not. Thankfully for us you share a quiet and peaceful wisdom that also belong to the R Lee's, Saints etc, not the Tryns that "shout their wisdom" in the hope they may belief themselves.

Soooooo......i would like to invite to new classes that i will be running in your neck of the woods that may be of benefit to you.

The background is i saw a "gap in the market" for those who give so much to others and thus.....kinda lovely......but don,t feel that way.

After much consultation with ...errr....me and a friends dog, (a very important dog at the time).....we decided calling the support group....."Are you having a laugh?"

It is a simple process whereby, those that do not think they amount to much say what they have done, thought and shared, how they have read, felt and fed back such compassion and understanding, in say, ooooo, 48 hours?.....then they say, i just don't feel as if im giving enough...and bingo!!! we all have a jolly good laugh!

Nancy told me to look at myself in the mirror today and say "i love you".....if you are not ready yet.....WE love you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness from an old gentleman!
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Unread 05-09-2015, 03:57 PM   #372
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Hi Lostdog...hope things are going well...have a great day friend...
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Unread 05-10-2015, 09:03 AM   #373
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Happy Mothers day to all the mothers! May you have a peaceful lovely day. I'm finishing a tennis camp I wanted to go to and it is fun with the tennis part, I'm finding myself socially awkward, but on a positive note, I met some girls yesterday. The only problem with this event is they promote nightly drinking. I am the only one not drinking, now really? That is some pressure, but I didn't. I'll write more later.
Tryn I guess you saw some reflections in writing in my soul as I've always longed for kindness and root for the underdog in life. Never feel your invading my privacy. It was nice to see your posts for me Susie, iamtrying, Catfish, And R.Lee. I'm also been out some because , I got down again and now I'm going to go one day a week for CBT for anxiety. I got to where I couldn't do much because,my thoughts about myself were very dark and self debilitating. I signed up for this camp and it was very short, and I made it, so that has helped me. Ill write as I can on your threads, wishing everyone the best there is.
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Unread 05-10-2015, 11:16 AM   #374
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Lost dog we do tend to notice how much and how many people drink when we don't. People, places and things can all be triggers to drink. If you feel the urge, just leave the situation and think that first drink through.

Kudo's on dealing with your anxiety issue. I've heard good things about CBT therapy. You are doing what you should, dealing with the issue at hand in lieu of self medication with alcohol! Nice job!!!!

My daughter started playing tennis this year and loves it!!

Peace,
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Unread 05-10-2015, 11:48 AM   #375
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lostdog, Happy Mothers Day. Stay in today & enjoy.
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Unread 05-10-2015, 12:54 PM   #376
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LD,

I have been where you are and still have medication as safety net for anxiety, although I rarely need it now. Depression and anxiety cause us to be tempted to withdraw into ourselves and to drink. These are the worst things we can do. YOU are your own best advocate by going for help and putting yourself in situations that build your confidence.

Love, Susie
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Unread 05-11-2015, 03:46 PM   #377
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Oh I'm thinking that first drink through or I would have been drinking along. I would not have gone if I knew it would have been like this, but I did and had some social anxiety issues, but they passed. I made two new friends and actually had some fun. The girl I came with said a few Kurt things, but I attributed it to her bluntness and made a face at her and she stopped with her crap. After the weekend, I know that things can pass and be better soon. I'll let ya know how the CBT is.
R. Lee, I;m having trouble when you say stay in today, I think you mean that We are sober and survi ing life. I have to think ahead some and know that when I'm in a predicament with severe anxiety it will pass. I can't dwell on the present then, it is uncomfortable.
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Unread 05-11-2015, 03:58 PM   #378
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lostdog, Glad you thought through that 1st drink.
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Unread 05-11-2015, 05:35 PM   #379
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I'm so glad it got better for you, lostdog.

And I loved your story about meeting the old gentleman. Things like that can really make the heart smile.
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Unread 05-11-2015, 08:22 PM   #380
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Hi lostdog, just wanted to leave this link in case you or anyone was interested in it. It's to a free interactive CBT 'class'. It has helped a lot of people over the years in the opiate forum. Might be worth taking a peek at.

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

What is MoodGYM?
MoodGYM is a free, fun, interactive program consisting of five modules, which help you to explore:

-Why you feel the way you do
-Changing the way you think
-Knowing what makes you upset
-Assertiveness and interpersonal skills training

MoodGYM aims to:
-Help you identify and overcome problem emotions
-Show you how to develop good coping skills for the future so that you can enjoy good mental health

What will I get from MoodGYM?
We would like to think that by the time you finish MoodGYM you will have:
-An understanding of how emotions arise, and how they might be modified
-Learned how to modify your thinking so that you are less prone to get upset
-Picked up a few hints on managing stress
-Learned a few things about what influences self-esteem
-Developed a better understanding of relationships and how they might be handled
-Developed some practical ways to help you cope with difficult events


Keep up the great work!

Nancy
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Unread 05-11-2015, 10:13 PM   #381
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LD,

I think I understand your comment about the present and the future. I think RLee's suggestion is not to dwell on and be sad about things that happened in the past (cannot be changed) and not to let things that have not yet happened contribute to our anxiety. RLee, correct me if I'm wrong.
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Unread 05-13-2015, 12:49 PM   #382
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Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I have read through yours, and my other brothers and sisters posts, and i wanted to waffle on to you for hours. I would have arrived at the same place though. I just want to give you a great big hug from across the ocean.

Thank you for giving me strength on my journey.

Be peaceful, be gentle and kind to you, be strong. Loveness to you Lost Dog
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Unread 05-13-2015, 01:13 PM   #383
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thanks Nancy B. for the info. it is invaluable to me, and so helpful! Hope you are doing well also. thanks, Susie, Millie,Saint, iamtrying, Catfish, Tryn, and R.Lee for al the support through this dark time, too. big hugs to ya'll. Tryn I'm glad you stopped by to waffle with me for hours, and a big hug to you. I just luv your expressions. I met a guy from liverpool at my camp. Sometimes when he talked, I could hear some ladies, say "translation please" it was cute and he was very nice.
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Unread 05-25-2015, 01:15 PM   #384
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Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

As we say in dear old Blighty "how's yer luck?"

If i may?....(going to do it anyway....but thank you x), your support, comprehensive instincts and love to our other brothers and sisters here, is immense.

On my journey your insight and calm gentleness has tempered a really rather ferocious fire at times. That is a gift i am so very grateful to be on the end of.

I read others journeys, and see Lost Dog, wise and gentle throughout it all, when i look at her thread, i wonder how "she is".

You always so lovingly, after imparting your love say, "have a nice day".

Have a nice day Lost Dog.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Lost Dog
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Unread 05-25-2015, 11:50 PM   #385
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LD,

I don't like to call you Lost Dog because I believe you are finding yourself. You have a depth of sensitivity and peace and serenity that inspire me. I hope I can find that.

Thank you. Love, Susie
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Unread 05-26-2015, 02:31 PM   #386
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Hi lostdog. Hope you're well.
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Unread 05-26-2015, 05:21 PM   #387
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Hi going to CBT this evening. I never got that job a while back btw, just thought of that. It is very peaceful after the bad storms. Grateful to have y'all.
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Unread 05-26-2015, 08:12 PM   #388
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L.D. Glad you are here for us.
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Unread 05-26-2015, 10:28 PM   #389
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Susie, I go by LostDog because I'm always wanting someone to rescue me. Just to tell me it's ok, I just long for that. When you are an adult, it just isn't going to happen and I have to do it for myself. The CBT was an introduction with other people and it was a good start. I will do some public speaking, which I think I am the quietest in the room, but they will help me and are so nice.
Me luck is good now, Tryn, and here in Texas the water is receding. I'm a wee bit tired from the long workday and therapy session, but it is rewarding for me lad. Thanks for asking about the Irish lady.
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Unread 05-26-2015, 10:39 PM   #390
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Oh you are welcome R.Lee, you are awesome too.
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Unread 05-27-2015, 11:55 AM   #391
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Hi Lostdog...how are things over there..did u have any floods etc...

hope you are doing well...

I remember your first post to me and will never forget, that was very supportive...I was lost dog and you told be it was Ok ...thank you!
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Unread 05-27-2015, 12:50 PM   #392
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that's good Iamtrying. You only deserve the best in your life. You are doing so well and have the best attitude. I am starting some CBT training, it is scary. Lots of flooding, but not at my home. I have lived through several hurricanes and never buy where it could flood, hopefully. I am also celebrating my birthday this week and had a nice get together at work and my son is taking me to eat soon. It's scary when I get a lot of attention on that day, but I have to work through it. It sounds crazy, but that's how I roll. Have a nice day!
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Unread 05-27-2015, 01:11 PM   #393
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Happy birthday, lostdog!

Remember that the attention is because people love you.
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Unread 05-27-2015, 02:19 PM   #394
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L.D. Happy Birthday.
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Unread 05-28-2015, 12:17 PM   #395
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Thank you, it's a bday week, little things here and there.
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Unread 05-28-2015, 11:22 PM   #396
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Happy Birthday, LD! I am glad your son does something special with you. I think of you often and hope you find peace. Love, Susie
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Unread 05-29-2015, 08:42 AM   #397
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Happy Birthday Lost Dog!

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Unread 05-29-2015, 10:29 AM   #398
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Happy Birthday Lostdog...have a great one
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Unread 05-29-2015, 01:17 PM   #399
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errrmmm.......HELLO?...

Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

What what? A birthday? Lost Dogs birthday?

Well thank you very much my brothers and sisters for flagging up a sisters birthday!

Lost Dog i can only apologise for the family's oversight, (personally everything is down to R Lee, if he is out, than it is Saints fault)

If i may.....i don't know whether this is a consistent theme amongst human folk, but about a month before my birthday i tend to hint that...well...."i'm alive and was "born once"....(fast approaching), i do not like to "label the point", although it is nice to hear those under threat say back to me what date my birthday is. Makes all special that way. It means that when my "friends" give me pressies, they "rustle" whilst the giver quakes"........what?

There is absolutely no earthly reason why you should not ask the giver why they bothered to wrap up your pressie.
(Oh....give them some nonsense about the climate and whatnot_)

I have got a birthday present for you, and i aint wrapped it up.

There is a beautiful film about an Italian boy whose Father has gone to fight in the 2nd world war. The destination of world war felt across all nations, none so more in the Italian hills and mountains.

His Mother a desperately terrified woman. She missed her husband so. He never returned.

Alfredo, (the little boy) struck up a friendship with the man that ran the "ciinema". (Those who know cinema paradiso"...well), ....i see that man as R Lee.

The man took the boy in, and the mother was not happy at all, seeing "cinama" and film a dreadfully disrespectful thing in her Catholic community.

So the night came, and they showed a "film" on the side of one of the villagers houses. All were amazed.

Now this little boy was amazed by the film and sat in the "projection room" to change the reels as a helper.

Well now, those were the days before censorship, and a kiss was absolutely out of order. So the cinema man would "block" the kissing scenes"....cut them out, and then run the film with the cuttings/love on the floor.

There was a dreadful fire, and the little boy saved the cinema mans life....but not his sight. They worked, growing together.

1 day, the little Italian boy now a successful and grown up man gets a call in his plush New York apartment to say, the cinema man was dead, and had left him a film in a shoebox.

He collects the box, and plays a really old fashioned reel, and on it were all the cuttings of the kisses and cuddles that were left on the cutting room floor.

Collect wonderful Lost Dog, as you walk amongst the flowers of your life, picking the most beautiful ones for us, can i give you my most beautiful one and say happy birthday Lost Dog.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Thank you. Loveness to you Lost Dog.
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Unread 05-29-2015, 07:59 PM   #400
lostdog
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oh the story is good, I like to slip by the bday quickly, but treasured this one with my youngest son. It was a nice event. thank you! for the kind remarks
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