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Unread 06-19-2014, 04:36 PM   #301
michaelc232
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Thanks everyone. Since being off of the tramadol I have felt pretty good. It's just really strange. I am so wired! I feel like I have an IV filled with espresso attached to me all day long. Is this normal?
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Unread 06-19-2014, 04:50 PM   #302
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Michael,

Glad you are feeling well today and thanks for posting!!

I don't know if what you are feeling is normal after tapering. Hopefully Nancy will have some insight. You could also pose your question on the Opiate forum. They would perhaps have some constructive feedback for you. Glad you made it through Michael although there is much work to do yes??? Re evaluate what led you to picking up again. To me it matters not if it is alcohol or some other substance. The bottom line is we use it to escape.....

You are back on track Michael.
  • Think through that first urge
  • People, places, and things
  • H.A.L.T. - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
All or any of the above can be triggers. Stay vigilant.

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Unread 06-19-2014, 06:42 PM   #303
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Hi Michael, glad you're off and feeling good. Even though tramadol is not an opiate, it acts on the mu (opiate) receptors like opiates. And it's a CNS depressant. So while you were taking tramadol, it may have had a sedating effect on you.

Could it also be that you're now free of the chains of tramadol and you just feel a lot better all around?

Great job! And, once again, ditto what Saint said.

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Unread 06-19-2014, 07:45 PM   #304
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Michael, Good advice from Nancy & Saint. Good luck. You are worth it.
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Unread 06-21-2014, 08:58 AM   #305
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Michael you can do this! You CAN! I am praying for you. Take just a moment at a time if you need to. You can and will get through this little bit of time, keep busy and use that energy to take a walk, get a workout in, or help someone somewhere - put a smile on your face and theirs. Have a wonderful day! Take care, Jenm
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Unread 06-23-2014, 08:40 PM   #306
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Michael,

Hope you are well and still feeling energetic. I've had a long day and am wiped!!
Let us know how things are Michael. we're all here for you.

Peace,
Saint
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Unread 06-24-2014, 04:24 PM   #307
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Thanks saint. I'm doing ok. Been working out alot and have actually hit a new weight loss goal. Feeling pretty good.
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Unread 06-25-2014, 05:58 AM   #308
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Hi Michael, that's good to hear! Congrats on your new weight loss goal!

Nancy
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Unread 06-25-2014, 09:15 AM   #309
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Michael, Good news on weight loss. Think through that next urge to drink or use drugs.
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Unread 06-26-2014, 11:51 PM   #310
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After 10 years of fighting my sexuality and playing the hush hush game of telling only certain people, I came out to everyone in my life today through social media. I received so much love and support that I was nearly in tears. That was, until I went to my dads page and discovered that he had deleted me and pretty much let me know that he was disowning me. That really hurt. Although I must say that it is worth it to be out in the open and no longer have to fear or hide. Blessings,
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Unread 06-27-2014, 04:16 AM   #311
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Hi Michael,

I'm so sorry. What a loss. For your Dad, I mean. Well, you too I suppose. Except that your act of courage is such a brave and commendable thing, while your Dad's blindness will lead only to further despair for him. Likely, I mean. I can't know this, of course.

Your Dad is losing his son, how sad. God willing he will come back to you, Michael. Once he's more used to the idea. Change is really hard on some folks.

Sorry. I seem to be talking (writing) in platitudes.

Anyway.

I admire your strength...and I believe such a brave display will only help you in breaking this damn addiction cycle you've been in---though I am hoping that you're currently free of the Tramadol business.

As I've shared, my own drug addiction very nearly destroyed both me and my wonderful family. At the center of that addiction was a darkness. That darkness was made of secrets.

So good that you're ridding yourself of those shadowy things.

best,

sam
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Unread 06-27-2014, 09:24 AM   #312
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Michael, Stay strong. Think through that 1st drink or drug. You father may change as times go on.
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Unread 06-27-2014, 11:39 AM   #313
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Michael,

I'm sorry to hear of your Father's reaction. I can't help to think that some time in the future your Father will change his view. With that said I can't imagine the courage it took for you to come out. Surely it will bring you some peace of mind and allow you to live your life as you are meant to. I am also reminded of something R Lee said, "We must not be a secret."

Move forward with your life, don't let others hold you back is my advice to you.

People, places and things Michael. Stay Strong.

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Unread 07-01-2014, 03:22 PM   #314
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Hi Michael, just checking in to see how you're doing. As the others have said, maybe your father will change with time.

Do your best to not let his ignorance affect you having a wonderful, happy life.

Nancy
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Unread 07-04-2014, 03:27 PM   #315
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Michael,

How are you? We haven't heard from you in a bit since your last post. Let us know how you are.

Regards,
Saint
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Unread 07-04-2014, 03:48 PM   #316
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I'm doing ok.
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Unread 07-04-2014, 05:24 PM   #317
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Michael, A long time ago you mentioned that it was quite obvious that you were gay. Your father probably knew for some time with out you coming out.

Ok can be taken in different ways. Are you sober is what counts.
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Unread 07-05-2014, 12:29 AM   #318
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Michael,

Thank you for posting. You obviously have a lot going on, emotions you are dealing with. We are here to listen, to let you vent, to offer advice or suggestions. I just want to say don't ever give up hope. Always believe in yourself and be true to yourself. Do not compromise your beliefs for others. Give time for the dust to settle. Things are never truly as bad as they seem to be at first light. Focus on the positive things in your life. I hope you soon turn 'OK' into 'doing great'. Life throws us curveball and life doesn't ever go the way I expect. Stay sober and focused on the important things in your life.

Forgive me for blathering. I feel a small part of your pain and am just trying to help.

Regards,
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Unread 07-06-2014, 03:21 AM   #319
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Ok, I know that I have not really posted in a while on how I am doing. I have been drinking here and there, but I am quitting that. Alcohol is not my biggest issue right now. I am completely addicted to buying lottery tickets. I am beyond embarrased to admit it but I know that I can't move forward until I get this out in the open. I have won 150 dollars over the last 2 days, but am now completely broke because I put it all back in, in one big buying binge. I have my bills taken care of but no money to buy any other necessities because of my spending. I will have to go and donate plasma just to have enough money to get what I need. I am quitting drinking, and I know I can do that. I just dont know how do deal with this compulsive behaviour.
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Unread 07-06-2014, 04:03 AM   #320
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Michael,

Thanks for posting and letting us know what's going on. I can understand you feeling embarrassed about the lottery tickets but please don't. Please do forgive me as I am just going to throw this out for you to think about. It would seem there is something you are trying to relieve, some burden you are trying to get out from under and you have been using alcohol, then pills, and now gambling to relieve that pressure. I'm not judging you, just an observation. I would recommend finding someone
professional to talk with and determine the root cause. Have you thought of keeping a diary and jot down your thoughts and feelings throughout the course of a day. After a period of time you may find a pattern to your thoughts that precipitates your behavior. Just a thought.

In the mean time keep posting Michael. You don't have to go through this alone. Hang in there. We're with you.

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Unread 07-06-2014, 06:54 AM   #321
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Hi Michael, I'm glad you told us. Please don't be embarrassed, things happen and we're here to support each other through whatever is going on. I agree with Saint in that it might be time to seek the help of a professional - you could start with an addiction counselor because it seems you're switching addictions. The definition of addiction is 'uncontrollable, compulsive behavior despite negative consequences'. It doesn't have to be a substance at all - it's the behavior and the loss of control - as with the lottery tickets.

This link has lists of low-cost/no-cost clinics, some of which have counseling services.
http://www.needymeds.org/free_clinics.taf

Another place to try would be calling 211 - it's a referral service in most states usually run by the United Way. They could help you find some help.
http://www.unitedwayillinois.org/211/211.php

Also, on the IL state lottery site, they list places you can get help:
http://www.illinoislottery.com/en-us...le_Gaming.html
From professional to peer support groups like Gamblers Anonymous.

As Saint said, you don't have to go through alone. We're here for you.

Nancy
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Unread 07-06-2014, 07:24 AM   #322
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HI Michael. You have been given GREAT suggestions by Saint and Nancy. I agree that there is something deep down you are "running" from. Anxiety, depression, lonliness, trauma, etc., can cause us to do compulsive behaviors such as shopping, eating, using drugs/alcohol, gambling, even sex. Please consider getting help by speaking with someone. You will be surprised how much it may help you. God bless. Julie
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Unread 07-06-2014, 02:37 PM   #323
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Thanks everyone. I told my roomate about it today. She is going to help keep me accountable. She is also setting me up with an appointment with her friend who is also a drug counselor.
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Unread 07-06-2014, 02:38 PM   #324
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Michael, Some many of us alcoholics have obsessive compulsive behavior with other things besides using alcohol. We have to address these issues too.

When I got the gift of sobriety I then found out I had many other character defects to address or I would go back to drinking. This is why I break my sobriety into 24 your segments. Now I can manage alcoholism & former behavior one day at a time. I have to keep my program as simple as I can. I have to think through that first urge to drink & also not act like I did concerning my former behavior.

Thanks for being honest about your drinking.
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Unread 07-07-2014, 06:52 AM   #325
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Hi Michael, so good to hear you opened up to your roommate and she's going to help. Keep us posted as to when your appointment is and how you are doing.

Nancy
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Unread 07-07-2014, 11:13 AM   #326
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Hey Michael,

Yes sir, I agree with your other AS friends, double-good that you told your roommate.

In the support program I use to help with my Recovery, there are lots (and lots 'n lots! ha!) of aphorisms, maxims, adages...heck, sayings of all kinds. Most of them, IMO, ring true not only regarding addiction but in nearly every aspect of life.

The "saying" that, for me, rings MOST true is this one: "you're only as sick as the secrets you keep."

Truth is, you've probably heard this already, and likely heard it plenty of times. Nonetheless, it's worth repeating. Worth repeating cause it's so damn true!

When our secrets are stuffed down inside us, when we repress them into the darkness of our aching hearts, they DON'T, uh, disappear--they actually remain active and, worse, they remain toxic. Like a wound left unattended, secrets fester...and will, sooner than later, turn into poison, until, sooner than later, our secrets will destroy us.

Yet they, our secrets, can be rendered harmless. Simple too. How? Show them the LIGHT. By revealing our secrets, by unmasking them, by simply showing them to the entire damn world, secrets lose their power to hurt us.

It is our COURAGE that allows us to do this thing. It is our COURAGE that makes us well. You ARE a courageous person, Michael---whether or not you're yet willing to embrace this truth.

Anyway.

Sorry. Again, too long-winded to say something so simple. Yeah, simple...yet, incredibly profound---in its power to heal, I mean.

NO SECRETS.

And anyone who doesn't like it? Screw 'em! Ha! Just kidding.

Actually, nah---not kidding. Reveal yourself, Mister Man. All of yourself. You are, as are all of us, a work of art. Sometimes, yeah it's true, with a few chips in the marble...the paint maybe a touch faded. Oh but man, pretty cool stuff---US.

Ok, Ok---I'll stop. Ha!

best,

sam
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Unread 07-08-2014, 09:37 AM   #327
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Michael,

I'm glad your friend is helping you be accountable. Remember, she is helping you. I think I would stretch the limits of friendship if I was in your shoes. In the end it is always our responsibility to be accountable for our behaviors.

I love what Sam wrote to you " You are only as sick as the secrets you keep". So true in my opinion. Hats off to you for getting it out. It does take a lot of courage to do so. Don't beat yourself up over this, you'll get through this. You're taking the right step going to see a drug counselor Michael. Let us know how you're doing today. You're worth it buddy!

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Unread 07-08-2014, 01:13 PM   #328
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Michael, I am glad the you let your roomate know about your drinking. She was in charge of getting you off the drug you were on by tapering you off it.

If you have been drinking I can not understand why she did not notice that you were drinking.

You & only you have to be accountable for not picking up that 1st drink. If you are not accountable for taking that 1st drink they you are probably going to go back to drinking or drug use.

There is no easier softer way to get sober. You either work at sobriety as the most important thing in your life or you will drink & use again.

I have to work on my sobriety every day. I break it down to 24 hours segments. No one is watching over me but my higher power & my face in the mirror.
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Unread 07-09-2014, 02:02 AM   #329
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No, she is not keeping me accountable for the drinking, but for the lottery tickets. And I have 2 roomates. One helped me with the tramadol but she is moving out of state soon, so with this issue I chose to confide in the other roomate. Both my roomates drink on occasion. I realize that at the end of the day only I can be responsible for doing, or not doing, a drug of choice. But for me, accountability helps, and talking with someone face to face frees me to move forward.
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Unread 07-09-2014, 09:22 AM   #330
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Michael, I can not stay sober on my own. That is why I use a support group of recovering alcoholics.

Good luck with your plan.
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Unread 07-13-2014, 01:26 AM   #331
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So I spike with my roomate tonight about my drinking, as it has escalated causing anger, mood swings, depression, etc. There is no controlling it, and I know that. Once her cousin and our other roomate leave for out of state on Tuesday she will be keeping all alcohol in her room as a favor to me. I am getting back on track with everything and it feels good. No matter how tough quitting can be, nothing beats the stability of sobriety, and having control of my emotions.
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Unread 07-13-2014, 08:28 AM   #332
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Michael,

Thank you for the update and for your honesty. Being honest about your drinking allows you to move forward.

So true about the effects of using. When we are sick and tired of being sick and tired we can begin the process of sobriety. We have to work at it, and keep working at it. Remember those moments, the mood swings, the anger, the lack of control over your emotions. That is what "Think through that first drink" means to me.

When is your appt. With the drug counselor? ?

Think sobriety Michael. We move towards and become that which we think about.

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Unread 07-13-2014, 07:22 PM   #333
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Michael, Hiding the alcohol will not stop you from drinking unless you make sobriety the most important thing in your life.

Good luck on your choices. Have phone numbers of recovering people to call when the urge is too great.

Think through that next urge to drink.
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Unread 07-13-2014, 08:34 PM   #334
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No, but its better than having it right in front of my face. It's a step I'm taking towards my sobriety.
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Unread 07-13-2014, 09:09 PM   #335
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Hi Michael, I have been following your thread and I am sorry for the hard time you have been going through and I commend you for trying to be proactive in abstaining, but R.Lee is right, you must make sobriety a number one priority. It is fine that the alcohol is being hidden, but if you decide you want to drink, hiding the alcohol is of no use, where there is a will there is a way.......now if you feel the alcohol being out of sight for you in your home is a step in helping you abstain, then so be it.

Please continue to talk to people, seek help and you are right, there is no controlling this disease, unless we fight and take back our lives, IT controls us. God bless and I will keep you in my thoughts. Julie
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Unread 07-14-2014, 07:42 AM   #336
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Hi Michael, did you make an appointment with the counselor? In my opinion, that could help you alot - especially in these early stages. Will knowing that there is alcohol in her room be a trigger? If it is, then think about asking her to not have any alcohol in the house in the house might be a good thing to do.

Keep taking those steps!

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Unread 07-14-2014, 11:51 AM   #337
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Michael,

How are you today? I mean really, How are you? What's going on inside you? I do hope you have someone you can confide in, to talk with, to vent.
The struggle for sobriety can seem so overwhelming at times or life events can seem so momentous that we just plain give up. I know I have. It's one of the many reasons I hope that you make that appointment with a counselor. We here all know the struggles of addiction and pass along our experiences with the hope of helping others so they don't have to suffer as we did. We care about you and what happens to you. We are here to listen, not judge.

Saint
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Unread 07-14-2014, 02:38 PM   #338
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Hey Saint. I'm doing pretty good. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Wednesday to discuss possible treatments for adult ADHD. I will most likely discuss my addictions with him as well. I'm kinda nervous about the whole thing. I have ADHD and was diagnosed as a child, but so many times doctors won't give medicine to patients because so many people who do not have this disease abuse it. For me, the medication would calm me down, and even me out. For someone without this disease it would give them the effect of being on speed. Idk, I'm just nervous is all. Hoping everything goes well.
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Unread 07-14-2014, 09:58 PM   #339
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Michael,
Hey, great news about the psychiatrist appt. I understand your nervousness, wondering how the meeting will go, all those unknowns but believe me when I tell you reality is not as bad as the scenes we can make up in our minds : )

I would encourage you talk about your addiction issues. Being upfront with everything you've gone through will allow you to receive the best care possible. Remember the psychiatrist is there to help YOU!

Hang in there Michael. You're worth it!!!!

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Unread 07-15-2014, 12:53 PM   #340
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Hello Michael,

The psychiatrist appointment is an excellent idea. In fact, I hope you'll consider setting up an on-going psycho-therapy sessions/program. As one who has been in both terrific therapy...and pretty lousy therapy...lemme tell you that a good, honest, supportive therapist can extract some amazing truths from our addict-selves, truths, both light and dark, that we really could not otherwise access.

However, as other folks have suggested, you ought to be honest with your shrink. No, not "ought" to, Michael. Really, you MUST be honest...and completely forthcoming.

When we tell a therapist/psychiatrist only half of the truth about our lives, we can expect only half success.

Imagine any analogy that works for you, a computer motherboard, a car engine, the plans to building a new home: if you leave out any of the necessary components, the "thing" cannot possibly work.

Your shrink needs to know ALL of you before s/he can help you. When we leave out some things, we really do screw ourselves. I know, we often leave darker things out, things that embarrass us, things that make us look weak. Things, in our cases, that make us look like an...addict.

Michael, tell the truth about who you are. By doing this, by telling another person, especially a therapist, about oneself, an amazing thing sometimes happens. We actually come to KNOW ourselves, finally. We see ourselves for who we really are...and that can never be a bad thing.

IMO.

best,

sam
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Unread 07-16-2014, 04:28 PM   #341
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I went to the Psychiatrist today. He pretty much had me give him the summary of my life until now. He looked quite shocked by the end of the meeting. Lol! Due to my history with alcohol abuse he wants to get to know me better and establish a relationship before he prescribes any medication. That's understandable. I have another appointment in 2 weeks.
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Unread 07-16-2014, 05:38 PM   #342
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Hey Michael,

Good news about the Shrink. That he wants to KNOW you before scripting meds is a First Rate idea. Good medicine.

sam
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Unread 07-16-2014, 09:18 PM   #343
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Michael, A responsible Psychiatrist & patient. You told the truth. This doctor can help you.
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Unread 07-17-2014, 02:44 AM   #344
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Michael,
I don't know about you but I am relieved you told your life story to the Doc. There is something powerful that happens when we tell one person about all of ourselves.

Good for you!!!

Keep us posted.
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Unread 07-17-2014, 06:33 AM   #345
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Hi Michael, I'm proud of you Michael! And as everyone else has said, it looks like you found a good psychiatrist who is more interested in you than just prescribing medication.

Nancy
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Unread 07-18-2014, 01:59 AM   #346
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So I have not been able to stop thinking about my last appointment since I left the psychiatrist office. I was not completely honest with him, and it is really bothering me. I did not tell him about my issues with tramadol, as I was scared that he would never want to prescribe me anything for fear of me abusing it. I also, for whatever reason, told him that I had been sober a month from alcohol when he asked about that. I have only been sober 4 days. I know that this whole psychiatry thing will not work if I keep things from him, so I am going to come clean on my next visit. I honestly could care less about getting medication at this point, I just want to work through the issues that I have, and get rid of all of this baggage that I carry around.
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Unread 07-18-2014, 08:18 PM   #347
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Hi Michael, that's good that you're going to be totally open with him about everything. But don't stress yourself out about it. I'm sure there are many people who aren't comfortable talking about everything on their first appointment.

I'm glad to hear your commitment to yourself to work these issues out.

Nancy
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Unread 07-18-2014, 10:38 PM   #348
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Michael, You have a good psychiatrist. Be nothing but honest with him if you want help.
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Unread 07-23-2014, 12:17 AM   #349
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Michael,

Hey, how have you been? Just checking in.

Regards,
Saint
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Unread 07-23-2014, 08:10 AM   #350
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Hey Michael, how's it going?? I think that being honest with the doc is wise. Remember everything in the dark comes to the light.

My psychiatrist (yes even being a Master's student of Mental Health counseling I have one!) knows about my addiction history, that I am on suboxone, etc. They don't withhold proper treatment because they "fear" you'll abuse it. First off it is hard to abuse anti-depressants and second I have terrible anxiety and I am prescribed Ativan. My point is, your psych doc will monitor you, and you will not get "early" refills. Be honest, start clean, and you will feel better and he/she will appreciate you honesty and desire to get help. Also, psych docs don't prescribed opiates so you being honest about the tramadol is of no consequence. Psych docs if certified can prescribe subooxone.

Please stay strong and remember everything falls into place, but we all need someone we can talk to and confide in. I think you are smart going for help. God bless. Julie
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