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Unread 09-16-2014, 12:01 PM   #501
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon Michael. Bright blessings to you.

I simply could not agree more in what has been said. I just want to share my thoughts about this.

Often, i wonder "what is out there". Do you know what, anything you want there to be. Your life, your struggles, the luck that comes your way, where does that come from?

You know how you have friends, those that mean the world to you? How did you come to meet them? What makes paths cross, love to be shared, strangers to come to others aid as this family has done to me?

I have no idea, i do know it had jack shit to do with me, i was just "there". How was i there? Was i put infront of them, were they put infront of me? All i know is that we were put together for a reason. I do not know what that reason is, however, i am so grateful for it.

I do not know how this great big world was put together. It doesnt really bother me. It used to. Now i have a "sense", a sense of belonging and being that does not belong to me, i sort of celebrate Tryn being about, being lucky to be alive.

It's quite something when those of us, and i wager every single person who reads this has said at sometime in their life...."well.....that's a miracle!!!".....havent you? Why did you? Because something out of nowhere, happened.

I do not know who is behind that, but i now know it has never been me.

I have a friend who is ever so poorly. I pray he will recover and have extended life. Who to? I again, have no idea, but i know there is something, someone bigger than me, (that is hard for Tryn to say because i am such an arrogant..........!), but there is.

It is not important for me to call this anything or anyone. It is only important to recognise i am humbled in the prescence of life itself. Wherever that comes from, i get to my knees to thank.

I used to be so negative about all this stuff. When through my journey with this family my heart was approached in ways i had never experienced, i began to realise that life is so, so, so very much bigger than i ever imagined. We are fed all the awfulness and brutality of this world, please, please, please never forget that goodness and love will always beat evil.

That simple fact for me enables and empowers me to see that whatever you call it/him/her, human beings could not be here without something quite, quite special.

That'll do for me.

Loveness Michael.
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Unread 09-17-2014, 02:08 PM   #502
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Hi Michael!

It is SO wonderful to hear that you haven't taken a drink in 2 months! You are doing this one day at a time, and you are actively searching out the help and support that work for YOU. That is wonderful! Keep up the good work! Take care, Jenm
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Unread 09-18-2014, 07:05 PM   #503
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Thank you all so much. Life has gotten much better for me over the past 2 weeks. I have been working out, and eating right. I have lost weight and have had a huge boost in confidence. The depression is still bothersome at times, but its effects have been greatly minimized. I'm feeling happy and content, and excited to be moving forward with things that I love, like fitness and my work. Love you all.

Michael
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Unread 09-18-2014, 07:52 PM   #504
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Michael!

I am so happy to hear from you: such good news. We keep you in our hearts.
Keep it up!

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I seem to recall that depression was a problem with me before alcohol. I've begun to think that alcohol was misguided self-medication.

That's just my own self observation. I'll say that the more often I go to meetings and the more often I communicate here, the better my mental health seems to be.

Good work, Michael. Love, Susie
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Unread 09-19-2014, 12:00 PM   #505
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Michael, You are in a great frame of mind.
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Unread 09-19-2014, 07:02 PM   #506
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So happy to hear you're doing well Michael! Good job!

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Unread 09-19-2014, 10:40 PM   #507
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Hi Michael, Keep doing what you have been-a positive mindset creates positivity around you. I am going to second what NancyB mentioned, the Unitarian Church just might be a very good fit for you. Hope your work schedule remains somewhat consistent so you can get your proper sleep and plan other activities. Keep it up!

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Unread 09-23-2014, 01:59 PM   #508
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Hello everyone, and thank you for the encouragement! I am feeling and doing well. I've been able to establish a routine lately with my workouts, eating right, etc, and it has had a huge positive impact on my well being. I am truly happy again, something that I have not been for some time now. I am treasuring the happy moments, and working through the tough ones.
On another note, my previous psychiatrist refused to send my medical records over to the other doctor because I have a small balance with them, I don't owe them much but I won't be able to pay it before my next appointment, so I had to cancel. Just confirmation that the psych didn't really have my best interest in mind. But that is ok. I have decided that I don't want treatment for my OCD anyways. The symptoms were exemplified because of my poor eating habits and depression, now that has subsided and my symptoms are very mild again. I don't want to be medicated if it is avoidable, and I feel that it is. Just going to stay in today, and enjoy it.

Michael
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Unread 09-23-2014, 09:45 PM   #509
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Michael,

We are all here with you and for you.

You sound positive. Keep the faith!

Love, Susie
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Unread 09-24-2014, 06:52 AM   #510
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Hi Michael, so happy to hear you've got some balance in your life with a routine. As Susie said, you sound positive and happy.

Be mindful of your OCD - maybe even mention it to your roommate - and if you or she notices something, then it might be a wise move to get treatment for it.

Keep doing what you're doing!

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Unread 09-24-2014, 09:27 AM   #511
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nice job Michael, good work!
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Unread 09-24-2014, 08:15 PM   #512
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Michael, Great job. Think through that next urge to drink or use.
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Unread 09-27-2014, 12:44 PM   #513
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Good afternoon Micheal. Bright blessings to you.

Wow...since i last wrote to you, you have done so well. I hope you can feel my high 5?

Honestly i can not remember which member of this family that said it to me, (probably all of them!), what ever you are doing, keep doing it.

I want to go with Nancy here, enjoy, be aware. Balance, yours, mine, all of our balances are different. It is what is right for you.

I am so proud of you. I get such a feeling of humbleness when i hug. Considered yourself huggled!

Keep being strong. Loveness to you Micheal.
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Unread 09-27-2014, 02:13 PM   #514
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Michael,

In all fairness to your psychiatrist he may not actually do all the billing. It may be a policy of the office manager, etc. One never truly knows until you ask. It is never safe to make assumptions.

With that said you are doing awesome Michael. I'm glad you have some normalcy back in your life1 Keep up the good work Michael!!

Regards,
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Unread 09-27-2014, 06:19 PM   #515
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Thank you everyone! Saint, I would have thought the same thing, except the receptionist told me that she took the transfer request to the doctor, and he made the call. But it is ok, I'm doing well and still sober.

Michael
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Unread 09-27-2014, 09:17 PM   #516
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Michael you are in a good frame of mind. Attitude is everything!! Keep doing what you're doing and stay vigilant.

Peace,
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Unread 09-29-2014, 03:37 AM   #517
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Good morning Micheal. Bright blessings to you.

I just wanted to pop in and send you my love and support. I have been re-reading your journey, and if you go back it is amazing how far you have come. As your post grow, so do you. I can feel a gentle confidence beginning to emerge. You been through much soulful confusion and i think you have coped and managed difficult times with dignity and determination. As Saint says, it's all about attitude. Yours is fantastic!! Keep focused and looking ahead my Brother.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Michael.
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Unread 09-29-2014, 08:51 AM   #518
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a blessing as you continue your journey, much success.
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Unread 09-30-2014, 07:52 AM   #519
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I am praying for you, Michael! You got this. Jenm
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Unread 10-02-2014, 01:02 PM   #520
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Michael,
Hope you continue to do well. You've come a long way! Stay vigilant!

Saint
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Unread 10-02-2014, 07:24 PM   #521
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Michael, Check in no matter what. You can do it.
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Unread 10-02-2014, 08:50 PM   #522
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Michael,

It's been over a week since we heard from you. We care about you, no matter what is happening with you. Please let us know.

Love, Susie
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Unread 10-02-2014, 11:44 PM   #523
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Hey everyone, I am so sorry that I haven't checked in in so long. I didn't even realize that much time had passed. I have been extremely busy, as well as coming down with a head cold the last 2 days. I also have my doctor running some tests right now for some odd symptoms I have been having the last 2 weeks. I should know something by tomorrow. But other than all of that I have been well. My area supervisor came in today and we had a chance to speak, and she is considering me for an assistant manager position at another location. I'm really excited about that. I'm going to get some rest now and try and get over this junk.

Michael
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Unread 10-03-2014, 09:02 AM   #524
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Michael,

It's SO good to hear from you. Glad you are busy; sorry you don't feel well. Let us know the results of Dr.'s tests.

I hope the promotion comes through! That would be great.

Remember, everything is easier to deal with when you are sober. We love you.

Susie
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Unread 10-03-2014, 09:26 AM   #525
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Michael, glad to hear your well, enjoy your postings, and take care.
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Unread 10-03-2014, 10:03 AM   #526
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Hi Michael, what good news about the possibility of the assistant manager gig! Fingers crossed!

I hope everything comes out ok with your tests. Get a lot of rest and feel better!

Nancy
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Unread 10-03-2014, 10:47 AM   #527
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Michael, Good things are starting in your life because you are sober. Great job.
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Unread 10-03-2014, 11:27 AM   #528
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Thank you all! I got my results back this morning and I am just fine. Also feeling much better today.

Michael
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Unread 10-03-2014, 01:25 PM   #529
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Great news all around Michael. Sobriety is its own reward! !

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Unread 10-05-2014, 08:27 AM   #530
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Good afternoon Michael....and special bright blessings to you!!

Absolutely wonderful news. It is a well earned wave of positivity. Enjoy the ride!!!!

Hugzs and loveness to you Michael.
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Unread 10-05-2014, 03:21 PM   #531
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Thanks Saint and Tryn. Life is truly turning around for the better. As I approach 90 days of sobriety I am taking a look over my shoulder at where I have come from. I have left behind a dark and bitter season and am stepping into some bright and unexplored territory. I am excited, ambitious, and determined. Life has meaning and purpose once again, and I'll be damned if I am going to let anyone, or anything, take that from me. I hope that everyone is having a great Sunday!

Michael
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Unread 10-05-2014, 03:36 PM   #532
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JUST MASSIVE HUGZ. So proud of how you have found the tools and strength to get here.

Unexplored territory is this best!

Loveness and Strength
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Unread 10-05-2014, 09:14 PM   #533
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I'm proud of you Michael. You have indeed come a long way!!

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Unread 10-06-2014, 09:31 AM   #534
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Again, you are an inspiration to me.

Love, Susie
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Unread 10-06-2014, 07:29 PM   #535
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Michael, I am very happy for you. The promises do come true!!
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Unread 10-07-2014, 11:33 AM   #536
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Hi Michael!

I'm so happy that you are feeling better and your outlook is so positive. It is clear to me that you are taking the necessary steps to maintain your sobriety - that is great! And so true what R Lee said .... "The promises do come true...." They really do! Take care! Jenm
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Unread 10-07-2014, 01:23 PM   #537
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Thank you all so much! Your words mean so much to me. As I begin to step out of the withdrawal symptoms of this addiction it is clear to me that I need to deal with another one. As most of you know, I smoke cigarettes. I absolutely must quit. It is no longer just about my overall health, or the money I am spending, but it is really beginning to effect my workouts. I'm coughing up mucus and getting side aches from my body not getting enough oxygen just 10 minutes into my routines. I'm shooting for my quit date to be a week from today, which will also be my 90 days sober date. Gonna try and start tapering off between now and then. I'm not excited about this whatsoever, but I know it needs to be done.

Michael
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Unread 10-07-2014, 04:00 PM   #538
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Michael,

I quit 3 packs a day 16 years ago, so it can be done. I'll be thinking of you.

Love, Susie
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Unread 10-09-2014, 05:15 PM   #539
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Hello Michael, Good luck with the smoking thing. Have you looked into those electronic ones? I use them sometimes and am hopeful that I will use them more often. Guess one of the important parts when you quit smoking is to not be around people who are still smoking-hopefully your roommate is a non-smoker. I wish you well and let us know how it is going.

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Unread 10-09-2014, 05:47 PM   #540
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Michael,

I used to remember the smell of my dad's brass ashtray when I wanted a cigarette. It was so gross that it helped me "think through" the urge. Good luck

Love, Susie
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Unread 10-09-2014, 05:51 PM   #541
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Good luck on quitting smoking. Baby steps as sobriety is #1. Be kind to yourself.
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Unread 10-10-2014, 12:47 PM   #542
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I'm glad your giving up the smokes!! Just remember not to put to much pressure on yourself to quit and jeopardize your sobriety. There is also nicotine gum that can be used to help you quit! I also smoked Michael and it really is a nasty habit.

One step at a time, that's how we climb mountains! !

Peace,
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Unread 10-13-2014, 01:21 AM   #543
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Hello all, I am not doing very well tonight. I'm so glad for the anonymity of this site so that I can come and talk about things like this when they happen. As most of you know I work at a convenience store. Tonight I accidentally sold alcohol to a 20 year old. He is a regular customer and I thought I had sold to him before and carded him. I didn't find out until the end of the night when my friend came up and told me. Apparently one of the cooks who is related to him handed him the beer as she was stocking it because he wanted to see if he could get by with it. Only a couple of people know what happened, but if word gets out, I could be terminated immediately. I am paranoid about losing my job, and I am hurt that my supposed friend would hand him the alcohol, putting my job in jeopardy. But nonetheless, tonight I sit here sober. I could have bought pills from one of my many connections, but I didn't. I could have picked up a bottle on the way home, but I didn't. I'm going to handle and deal with this sober. I will sleep on it, and take my day off tomorrow to think it through and seek counsel from family and trusted friends. I did not drink tonight, and that is what matters most in this moment.

Michael
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Unread 10-13-2014, 10:21 AM   #544
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things happen, you can handle this being sober. much support to you and hoping things work out for you. Your posting and your sober, excellent work.
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Unread 10-13-2014, 01:32 PM   #545
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Michael, At least it was not a sting operation by the police & you were cited for selling to a minor. Do not run your head on it. If they confront you on it tell the truth.
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Unread 10-14-2014, 11:16 AM   #546
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It was a mistake. Learn from it and move on. Try not to beat yourself up over this. You are to deal with life sober. That my friend is a big deal. As RLee mentioned things can always be worse.

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Unread 10-14-2014, 11:49 AM   #547
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Michael,

We are not perfect, and sometimes events are beyond our control. These are the times that I find the Serenity Prayer helpful: "Grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot Change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

RLee and Saint have great experience in the real world. Listen to them.

Thanks to Lostdog for the support.

We all know how hard you work to live a good life. Don't let this one incident destroy your hard-fought sobriety and self-esteem.

Stay sober, so you can use your good judgment to deal with the situations life throws at you.

Listen to me!!??!!?? You would think I have a wealth of sobriety: does 30+ days count? I'm not sure anyone should trust my judgment yet, but do trust that I care about you.

Love, Susie
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Unread 10-14-2014, 03:04 PM   #548
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Celebrating 90 days today.

Michael
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Unread 10-14-2014, 03:39 PM   #549
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Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I celebrated 30 days; I can't imagine how I'll feel at 90!

Hope you're feeling better.

Love, Susie
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Unread 10-14-2014, 07:12 PM   #550
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Congratulations Michael! You're doing great!

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