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Unread 05-24-2013, 09:02 PM   #501
jenm
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Good to hear from you Tryn! All of our paths are different. Sometimes we need to take a bunch of paths, trip over things, fall on our face, then find the path that doesn't cause us to trip anymore. That has been my experience at least.

I am praying for you. Take care, Jenm
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Unread 05-25-2013, 02:02 PM   #502
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Hello everyone. I just wanted to pop in again and say thank you to R Lee, Saint and Jenm yet again for your love and support.

I have not much i can say other than today has been a beautiful day. I felt the sun, i walked in the park and i felt hope again in my heart. I did so because i wanted to. The platitudes that occured to me on my walk, the luck and gratitude filtered into me, it really did reach a usually blurred soul. What a lovely, humbling feeling it was. It really is as akin to "waking up" and opening your eyes after a very long time. This time i have opened my eyes to no devastation, everything has been "kept on top of", quite how i have no idea. It would not have lasted another day longer. I think i can say i "got away with it". Dont think i do not realise how lucky i have just been.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 05-25-2013, 05:50 PM   #503
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Good to hear, Tryn!

What a powerful statement ... "humbling feeling it was". My inability (or prideful refusal) to humble myself is what kept me sick for a long time. I am not sober today because of anything that "I" did or didn't do. I am sober today because I gave up trying to run my own life, I obviously was not very good at it. I am glad that you are posting. Keep doing it. I am still praying for you. Take care, Jenm
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Unread 05-25-2013, 09:58 PM   #504
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Tryn, You sound so upbeat just enjoying the normal things in life. To be greatful just to be alive & enjoy nature.
You are a good man that has a disease called alcoholism. We are not bad people.
You can do it by getting out of the way & like Jenn says not trying to run your life.
Think through that next urge. Take it one moment at a time.
We all care for you & are pulling for you.
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Unread 05-26-2013, 12:37 PM   #505
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Hello everyone, jenm, there is something that you have said that has blown me away. "Prideful refusal", i have just found a something, i have seen something, thank you so much jenm. R Lee, you're reading of me is sublime. Thank you. I cherish those words from you. They will grow inside me. I am in a place to let them grow.

I have spent a Sunday, keeping safe. I have just got back from the park with my children and grandchildren, they are watching the box, and i am no longer, for a segment of time, no longer needed. It is now, as i write with my disease, that i am festooned with love, a place we all wish to be.

I need you all right now, because my smiles and my love betray the effort it entails. They do not know, thank God, but i do. I have cut down to 1 litre of cider a day. That was 6 litres a day last week. I will look to this new week, by the end of it, to be back to trying to stay sober. I know R Lee, I know.

Be peaceful., be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 05-26-2013, 08:47 PM   #506
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Tryn, You sound good. keep tryn.
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Unread 05-27-2013, 12:08 AM   #507
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Tryn,

You know what you need to do. Follow through. We're here for you.

Stay safe,
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Unread 05-27-2013, 12:40 PM   #508
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Hi Tryn!

Keep posting, keep checking in, and don't give up. Don't give up! We will be here. I am praying for you! Take care, Jenm
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Unread 05-27-2013, 04:48 PM   #509
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Hi tryn,

Maybe try posting every day drinking or not, and maybe just the simple commitment will help. Just a thought....

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Unread 05-29-2013, 04:56 PM   #510
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Hello everyone and thank you. Yes Frankie, i shall try.

I seem to have come to a "doldrums" in my life. Not that i am feeling self pitiful, but like there is no "wind" driving my sails. I am much better than i have been of late, but my "usual" feelings of getting away with yet again, is pulsated with energy. Awash with motivation and "new plans", and i am in a fallow field right now, where nothing much seems to grow or looks like doing so unless i move to another one. The peace from chaos in my new little home is somewhat of a relief, until you realise that it goes on in your head, and it is that i struggle with. It is not "why" i drink, it is a part of it. I have acheived a nice place, alone, if every there was a "fork in life" this is it.

Even in my weakness, i pray your recoverys are helping you get stronger every day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 05-29-2013, 08:42 PM   #511
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Tryn,

Thanks for posting. It's always nice to hear from you!

A phrase I've heard here in the past comes to mind, "Fake it 'till you make it".
For me I think that basically means don't loose sight of the reason you came here in the first place, as a means to get sober. I think as long as we keep sobriety front and center in our minds, things will eventually click and fall into place, put you in a frame of mind and attitude where you will do what it takes to get sober. Some times it takes doing it over and over again until we finally 'make it'. Hang in there Tryn, don't give up, keep at it.

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Unread 05-29-2013, 09:01 PM   #512
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Thank you Saint. Much loveness to you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 05-29-2013, 10:17 PM   #513
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Tryn, May you find your way. Never stop tryn to get sober. It can be done.
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Unread 05-30-2013, 04:19 PM   #514
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Hello everyone. Thank you R Lee.

I have done a drink diary, not comforting reading. Tomorrow morning i am taking it to my therapist. It was surprisingly hard not to make up one excuse or another to prevent me taking it, but sharing the stark reality in that environment i am hoping will "inspire me" as much as writing the diary. I do feel weary with this, tired of it all.

The weatherman says it will be sunny tomorrow. I shall endeavour to make sure i make use of every ray.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 05-30-2013, 05:45 PM   #515
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No hiding the truth when it's staring you in the face. Never reads good in black and white. Hope it's what you need Tryn. Happy to hear you're seeing a therapist!

Take care,
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Unread 05-31-2013, 11:17 AM   #516
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Tryn, Getting real with yourself will help. No sence giving false information to your therapist. You are on the right track.
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Unread 05-31-2013, 12:16 PM   #517
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Hello everyone.

Yup, no two ways about it, honesty is the best policy. I have seen my therapist, new and HONEST ways forward have been constructed. I have built them. Its about faith and trust in myself. Its about accepting that failure has become harder than acheivement, and that death is also more likely than life following current trends. I have come home. I made a conscious decision to do it without alcohol.

Whatever the future, staying alive has got to be a good starting point. I'll start from there.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 05-31-2013, 02:04 PM   #518
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Keep working it Try! "The truth shall set you free". It is humbling but I imagine a weight being lifted from your shoulders. Good work Tryn!!

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Unread 05-31-2013, 03:25 PM   #519
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Oh, tryn, so glad to hear of your progress and determination! So happy that you are keeping us posted, it helps you to do that I really believe. I am always here to cheer you on, and lend support whenever needed. I am proud of you!

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Unread 05-31-2013, 04:46 PM   #520
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Hello everyone,

Saint and Nan, thank you so very much.

I have a thought. You know when something is "on the end of your tongue" but you can't quitew find the words. Well up until today, everything has been at my fingertips, but i couldn't feel my fingers. I hope that makes some sense to some.

Tomorrow i will wake up at home without alcohol in my house. My 9am "hit" won't be there. I wonder what will happen. Reckon it's time to find out.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all
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Unread 05-31-2013, 04:50 PM   #521
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Tryn, Good luck on your journey to sobriety. Work at it with 100% effort. I had to do it staying in today. Just for today I'm committed to staying sober. I work at that 100% today. Making that my goal for the rest of my life is just to big of a mountain to climb.

Think through that next urge to drink. Take it 1 moment at a time if you have to.
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Unread 05-31-2013, 05:57 PM   #522
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Tryn,
Have a good dinner and rest/sleep as much as you can. You can do this!

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Unread 06-01-2013, 02:47 PM   #523
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Hello everyone. Thank you Saint and R Lee.

I am writing after a sober day. It is 7.45pm, and surprisingly, it has been a relatively relaxing day. I have seen off my "fidget moments", (thinking through the first drink), and here i am am after eating as well. I have the biggest bag of sweets you ever did see. I made it for today and i am keeping quiet about it. Small delights, hopefully mean lasting pleasures.

Thank you everyone.

Shall post tomorrow.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all
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Unread 06-01-2013, 08:27 PM   #524
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Tryn, Great job. Try doing the same thing tomorrow. Good luck . You can do it.
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Unread 06-01-2013, 09:26 PM   #525
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Tryn,

Good for you Tryn!!!! I will say the longer one is sober it is a lot easier for me to think through that first drink. Keep working it, keep thinking about sobriety. Even if it's sitting in your chair staring at the wall and just thinking..... I'm a firm believer in "where the mind goes so goes the body".

I hope you sleep well and keep up your strength!

I'll be looking forward to your post tomorrow Tryn. So glad you haven't given up on yourself!!!!

Regards,
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Unread 06-01-2013, 09:53 PM   #526
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Really good to hear, Tryn! I have also had a sober day today. Isn't that awesome? I like this sobriety thing. I think I'll do it again tomorrow - with you! Please know that it DOES get easier as you continue to do this, one day at a time. My body/brain/mind was just not happy that I didn't give it the alcohol that it was used to at first, but after a little bit of time, it adjusted. You haven't given up yet, and that tells me really good things about you. Take care and keep checking in! Jenm
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Unread 06-02-2013, 05:14 AM   #527
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Good Morning everyone.

Well, what a strange sleep that was! I have awoken to a beautiful sunny summers morning. The sun is pouring in through my windows. I am sober this morning, boy it seems like such a long, long time. Anyway sober it is. In my desire to "get well", as you know i have lost my licence, this old fool has bought himself a brand new bicycle. (My thinking being that if drink wasn't going to kill me i had to have an alternative). I do believe i am going to go for a bike ride. (Goodness me).

I saw my therapist on Friday with my drink diary. We had a long discussion around my need to "do it on my own". Frankly she questioned my motives behind that decision, and to be honest?, it was probably the alcoholic not wanting to change. That being said i have actively sought out support, and 1 friend in particular, is being so incredibly supportive. Phone calls when i need to talk through the first drink and they sent me a game. It is a Labyrinth. For "taking your mind off things" it is marvelous.

I have no intention of "working my fingers to the bone", but it so very important for me to keep my mind occupied at this time. As things get easier i will look at finding ways of relaxing, but for now, finding things to "potter about with" seems to be doing the trick.

I have now found rooms to visit, and now once a week i have an hour with a therapist to focus on my drinking, my triggers, my support structure and gentle ways forwards.

My friends, i am on my way again. No cartwheels, no song and dance, just a quite satisfaction that i feel as if i am on the right path.

Thank you everyone. Jenm?, yup, i shall enjoy a sober day with you today.

Gosh........it's a beautiful day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 06-02-2013, 09:50 AM   #528
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TRYN!!!!!!

So glad you have sought out the support of others. I can't tell you how positive that sounds for you while I sit here... WooooHoooo! Love the idea of the bicycle and yes by all means keep yourself occupied as needed as you go about your day. I think there are untold benefits to telling another living being about the things we keep locked up inside for whatever reason. I believe it takes the 'power' away that it has held over us. Enjoy your day Tryn. Glad to see you on the path again!!

Peace,
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Unread 06-02-2013, 05:16 PM   #529
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Tryn, Good for you. Keep busy with a positive outlook. You can do it.
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Unread 06-03-2013, 06:02 AM   #530
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Good morning everyone, and bright blessings to you all!

Thank you Saint, and thank you R Lee.

Another glorious morning and i feel rather lucky that even nature is on my side and trying to help me out. There is nothing quite like awaking with issues on your mind, only to be confronted by the brilliance of sunlight, and the aroma of fresh smells on a friendly breeze. I know this because i woke up sober again.

I am on my third day and shall be going to a meeting today as a part of my journey. I am still feeling positive, although last night i wish i could explain to you. Infact this is probably the only place where i do not need to explain. It wasn't so much i "wanted a drink", it was a 30 minute period, where out of the blue, (and it surge through me like elctricity), i felt as if i was losing my mind. All of a sudden i could not sit still. I was unaware that i was pulling at hair until my fingers ached. I was quite literally pacing around the living room. I started hyper ventillating, and luckily my age recognised what was happening and i instantly started some breathing excercises. Once i had calmed down, and i am not sure i would recommend this to anyone else, but i went to the bathroom, put my head down, and put on the shower, freezing cold. It worked in that it instantly "changed my feelings and sensations."

It passed and last night i ha another "wierd" dream. I have these before in rehab. Although unpleasant i know they will soon pass.

I shall want you to all know that i am still extremely positive and still very quiet and calm about ym journey.

I shall post later. I really hope everyone out there on a path similar to mine is finding the strength with inside themselves that enable them. Keep trying everyone, it really, really, is worth it.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 06-03-2013, 10:31 AM   #531
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Hi Tryn!

I am so happy that you had another sober day!!! I did too!! Let's do it again today! I can really relate to your short period of "freaking out". I have had anxiety issues since my young 20's, and I was able to get a handle on them then. However, when I was getting sober, they would attack me out of the blue. They go away though, just like all those other icky physical feelings we have in the very first part of getting sober. I'm SO proud of you! Keep it simple. You can do this, and we are all on your side! Take care! Jenm
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Unread 06-03-2013, 03:46 PM   #532
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Tryn good going. You did not pick up a drink douring that panic attack. Using the shower cleared your head. You want to be sober & are now doing the right things to get ther. Remeber we only have to stay sober for today.

There will be rainy days so be prepaired for them. Have phone numbers to call when you feel that urge to drink coming on.

The longer you are sober the easier it will get.
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Unread 06-03-2013, 04:55 PM   #533
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Good evening everyone, thank you for your kind and compassionate messages.

What a long day. My drinking days seemed long, fraught with conundrums, awash with feelings, not drinking shows me for sure, i never knew the half of it. What a difficult day. I am dry. Sadness surrounds me, for others, i have met who struggle so. Like a child wandering amoungst the wounded of war, it is both a bright light to me, and a heavy cloud that hangs over the reality of life. The endless fights we fight within ourselves. Finding our way out of valleys, struggling to the brows of hills, peering over and chosing to walk into the future, or to tumble back into the familiar valley always to look up and wonder. This is what it is about for me. I have no reference points. Re drinking, i have known nothing else. Can you imagine therefore that not only sobriety challanging, it has so, so many rewards for me. Imagine seeing for the first time The door being ajar, seeing that ray of life light up the whole of my life, with only the merest of glimpses, that is the power of life. We know the power of alcohol, but for those of you, there with me now, trying so hard to stay yourselfs, let that tiny glimmer grow and glow. That is the life you, i, we all want. You know if i lose my battle, i will always believe that i was wrong to do so. I will blame no one.

When i stop, my first few days i just seem to be swallowed up by a great big black hole. I even feel the swirling of being sucked away, almost as if my identity belonged to alcohol, and now it is gone, i fell myself being "dragged under by me". It is so, so hard to describe, maybe this is losing your mind? (I would rather lose it sober)

If the devil turns up tonight with a candle, a black rose, a ready laid table and all the lobster i could eat, i will not sit at his table tonight.

I am pleading, and i know it is only posible to plead to myself. I know i will wake up sober tomorrow, it is nearly 10pm here, bedtime for bonzo soon, i am frightened for tomorrow. I am........i was wondering what to say after that....but actually, ......i am. Thank God. I will not be frightened, i will try to refuse to be.

My friends,

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all
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Unread 06-03-2013, 08:45 PM   #534
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Tryn, By staying in today you don't have to be frightened by tomorrow.

That big black hole you feel when you stop drinking could be you mourning the loss of you best friend alcohol. I know I did & I hear it often at meetings. Just like the death of someone time heals. It will get better.

Take it easy think through that 1st drink & stay in today.
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Unread 06-03-2013, 09:26 PM   #535
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Tryn,

Congrats on another sober day!!! I think Lee hit it right on the head, re mourning the loss of a close friend, alcohol. It is so true. The longer we drink alcohol it becomes so ingrained in the fabric of our lives.... when it is no longer there we are left with ourselves. Sometimes that is the very thing we are running from!

It is always safest to stay in our comfort zones, our valleys as you say. Recovery and some of the greatest joys in life are about overcoming that which holds us back, usually myself, lol. Tryn I recall so many of the feelings you are feeling now. Since I got sober every loss I hear due to addiction touches me, I know it, I've been there.... the sense of loss is magnified because I know some of their pain.

You're doing great Tryn. Hang in there and follow Lee's great advice!!

Thank you for your post and your time,
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Unread 06-04-2013, 05:01 AM   #536
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Good morning Tryn,

Hope you had a restful sleep. Looks to be another great day on this side of the pond! The promise of sun, 70's and no humidity. Thinking of you as I start my day. Hang in there!

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Unread 06-04-2013, 01:10 PM   #537
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Hello friends. Bright blessings to you all.

Saint.......R Lee.......THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH. I made it through this time. Day 4, sober. If i am looking for a new living after this i have decided to be a "bouncing ball", as i have adequately "passed" the interveiw process in that i am proficient now at bouncing off walls!. God, another sober day gone. I am so grateful to me, this forum and my friends.

Saint, i know you knowwhat is happeniong to me. Do you remember the exhaustion of this palpable nonsense? Actually, as a proud man, (i know it doesn't make sense, but i like to see myself that way), it is actually difficult to accept that i struggle so with this devil.

I feel like s...t, BUT, for the first time in my life, i WILL NOT BACK DOWN this time. I am pretty sure not backing down will not kill me.

I have something to say about the game i told you my friend had bought me. It has taught me something. It is a labyrinth. I have to get a ball through 60 "holes" waiting to catch me. Well, i looked at this thing, got 2 seconds into it and thought, "thereis no way of doing this". I thought that because i saw "0 - 60". What i have done is break it down into managable segments. I learn each one, and i then move on to the next. See where i am going with this? I am learning my friends. I have done all the rehabs, all wrapped up in cotton wool, after 6 of them, some lasting 8 months, i never went 24 hous on release before i was drinking again. What is the difference this time?

I haven't been told to do this. I am not in any "trouble". All that know me love me, there is no need for change.

Oh yes there is. Why? Because this is not me. Everyday i was drinking i was living a lie. Intrinsicly i am an honest man with good intentions. Alcohol has made me.........not what i want me to be. Not who i am. So i think i am where i am today on my journey this time, because it is me this time that is asking myself for change.

I am accessing my support, as i said i feel like......, but somehow 4 days in, i feel more resolute than i have before. I really do believe, (and boy have i been tested over these days) that if everything i am went wrong, i would still refuse to drink.

Gosh, I love life.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 06-04-2013, 01:58 PM   #538
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Yay Tryn! Day 4! You are amazing. Keep it simple. Don't drink. Reach out for your support and your help. Physically, you will feel better soon. I pray for you everyday. Keep posting and checking in! Take care, Jenm
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Unread 06-04-2013, 02:02 PM   #539
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Glad to see you posting every day tryn. Actually at times It's kind of boring around here when you don't, and it helps us all (new and not so new) when you do.

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Unread 06-04-2013, 04:23 PM   #540
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Tryn, That is great 4 day sober. Keep it simple. Think throught that 1st drink. Stay into today & use phone numbers of recovering people.
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Unread 06-04-2013, 09:39 PM   #541
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Tryn,

I'm glad you want sobriety this time Tryn because that's what it takes, you have to want it more than anything else.

The whole control issue over alcohol was something I experienced also and it is what led me to feel like a liar, hypocrite, and destroyed my self esteem. Once I wrapped my head around the idea that I have no control over alcohol and accepted that fact it lost a lot of it's power over me. Ironic but true. I no longer fear alcohol because I know it will destroy me, same way as pointing a gun at myself and pulling the trigger, well not quite as fast but hopefully you get the idea. I respect alcohol and treat it accordingly... I have found a measure of peacefulness by accepting my alcoholism. Today I don't fight to stay sober, I am at peace.... crazy stuff!

Tryn you are doing awesome and you are being honest with yourself and I believe your words to be true. One thing I want you to think of. Separate 'you' from your disease. Love yourself, love the alcoholic part of yourself but fight the disease. i.e. don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

Congrats on day four and waiting to hear about day five!

(((Huggs))),
Saint
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Unread 06-06-2013, 05:51 AM   #542
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Good morning everyone and bright blessings to you all.

Saint that was an extremely powerful post, and R Lee, your consistency and wisdom a rock for me in these times. Yesterday was a very difficult day, but today i write to you brimming with pride. I would have liked to stay in yesterday but circumstance dictated that yesterday was going to be a busy day. And so it was. Infact in total yesterday i had the need to take 9 buses and that was after a bike ride!

I felt like a regular guy yesterday. There were a couple of occasions where i felt the power of alcohol. Or rather the power of keeping myself safe. To the annoyance of other passengers i kept myself on the phone to others who are very aware of my predicament. If only i could express to those friends how powerful their intervention and support mean to me. I suppose that by remaining sober is all the thanks they need.

I did not get home until late and since i have stopped i feel a "different kind" of tiredness. I am o very tired much of the time but yesterday i set about the day with positivity, and above all else i was prepared, and did, do everything possible to keep me safe, and it worked. There is a meeting later today and that involves extensive travelling. After yesterday i favour staying in. I have my therapist tomorrow morning, so i am going to spend the day preparing for that, looking at ways i can consolidate where i am now, and have a 7 day plan to keep it that way.

I feel tired, positive, proud, (goodness me one would have thought i had run a marathon, it's only the 6th day!!) and i still truly, truly believe i am on the right path.

I still can't quite believe i have actually stopped drinking. The world seems so much bigger. The sun is brighter, the wind more sweet. Evergy is slowly trickling back into my veins, and i can feel my head holding itself up. I am surely beginning to feel what it is like to be human.

I am looking forward to another poison free day. Today i shall be sober. Today i chose not to drink. Saint, i hear you so loud and clear. I am truly beginning to understand the dynamics for me around alcohol. Me and alcohol do not get on at all. Please have faith in me in that i will learn what you already know. I will do so, because i chose to know.

Thank you everyone.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 06-06-2013, 09:20 AM   #543
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Tryn,
You can let your friends know how much their support meant to you. By all means tell them or write them a simple note of thanks. It may mean more to them than you know!!!

Great job yesterday Tryn!! You're making good choices and have a plan in place. I would wish you luck but sobriety isn't t about luck, it's about putting the work in. Congrats on a full cat's-eye work. Get as much rest as you can. There is a lot of mental and physical energy expended working on early sobriety. I remember the exhaustion welll. A good night sleep if possible and good eating habits will go a long way towards reducing some of the physical and mental stress one may feel I.m.o.

Thinking of you,
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Unread 06-06-2013, 10:16 AM   #544
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Tryn, Great job. Keep it simple one day at a time. Think throught that 1st drink & where it will take you.
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Unread 06-06-2013, 01:39 PM   #545
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Hello everyone, and bright blessings to all. Thank you so much for all your words, encouragement, and positivity. I was thinking about you all, i thought of jenm and how she enjoys a sober day, and when she asked me the other day to share that sobriety with her, it meant alot. Saint your words mirror so much of where i am. You seem to understand so well my current physical and mental, well, asuffering to be frank. lthough there are wide openings in the day or clarity. There are increasingly more hours in the day that i simply just enjoy being myself, free from poison. It's 6.30pm in my neck of the woods, and i have sat out on my porch and had my supper in the evening sunshine. The warmth now not only touches my skin, i can feel its warmth, deep inside.

I have done some work around my therapy tomorrow so i can make good use of the time i have, rather than wasting time fumbling around trying to get out what i want to say. I do feel for my therapist in that tomorrow i am going in with a veritable shopping list! We shall see where we get to. A nice long shower, get all my bits and bobs ready for the morning so there is no panic, (kinda partial to a bit of manic panic am i!), some piano and a bit of telly. I have taken to doing the crossword in bed before lights out. My humungous bags of sweets are never far away. I had to laugh when i found a packet of fruit pastels on my bathroom sink.

This is truly difficult. I do not want to rattle on about the wierd and pwerful things that go on, sometimes from minute to minute, sometimes hour by hour, but i imagine sometimes that someone is sitting in another room, watching me and controlling me. As often the thoughts that are now going through my head seem totally alien to me. It is almost impossible to describe. The "devious thoughts", that creep in without being asked, and never has "nipping it in the bud" felt more appropriate. It's a darn sight easier said than done.

I spoke to a friend earlier who is involved in treatment services in his neck of the woods. It was a delightfully relaxing and kind conversation. Sure about the battle, but moreover about the reasurance and confidence that sobriety brings. To talk "naturally" is not something i am used to. To talk from my heart rather than my head, a relief.

One last thing. There is one simple thing i do in the mornings. I think i was told about it in a rehab. It is working for me. When i brush my teeth and set myself for the day, i look into the mirror, and deep into my eyes, and i hold that stare, (it's really difficult), i compose myself so that i am concentrating, and i say out loud to my reflection, "today i chose not to drink". When i say it, actually looking at myself, i can feel strength by the way my eyes react. At this time, they open wide, and embrace the day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 06-06-2013, 09:05 PM   #546
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As usual glad to see you post tryn. Maybe by not drinking no matter what, that voice in the other room might just take a hike. How late does the sun stay up in your area at this time of the year? Take care.

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Unread 06-06-2013, 09:13 PM   #547
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Tryn, You sound great. You are reaping the rewards of sobriety.

That is great looking into your eyes in the mirror. Keep it simple.

Someone once told me we have to love you until you can start loving yourself & recomended that I put a note on the mirror say I love you!!

Stay in today.

Think throught that 1st urge.

Unless I get to a computer for the next week I will off the site. taking my grandsons to South Dakota.
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Unread 06-08-2013, 08:37 AM   #548
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Tryn,

Hope you are doing well today. Therapy can take a lot out of us mentally but that is how the healing begins... and you will be stronger as a result. Today is a gloomy rainy day here in the states. If not for the rain we would not appreciate as much the warmth of the sun.

Be well,
Saint
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Unread 06-08-2013, 09:12 AM   #549
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Hello everyone, bright blessings to you all.

Frankie, we are getting the sun at the moment until, ooo, about 7pm. Of late nature has been on my side and i am greatful for her being so. Thank you R Lee. Today, for no reason whatsoever, i am finding compassion for myself hard to come by. It is a difficult thing to describe. I suppose by saying it is like getting up in the morning and something in my head says, "i am going to punish you today". In doing so, my gentleness for myself leaves me and all of a sudden i become a harsh critic of myself. I give myself no quarter, and i berate myself for being me. I have some good news though. I KNOW THIS. I know "this happens". R Lee, i am going nowhere today. I shall sit on my porch for fresh air, i have decided in the mirror this morning today, (a week) i have chosen to be sober, and if my house falls down, my "plan of action", is to get out of the way, NOT get a drink, i now feel far stronger after these few days to do what Frankie suggests, and tell it "to take a hike". At this time i am strong enough to keep myself safe, just for today.

Saint, i hear your heart today. I felt the gloom, but bless you, i also heard therefore knowing the sun, greater. It is a privilage for me to be able to understand your sentiments. I learn from every single post that is afforded me, but some reason Saint, i could go on a long walk with you and walk back with you with a fresh perspective. It is just a feeling. It is so hard because i want to hug and thank you all. I am sober. It is 2pm. I will remain sober this day. I will think of jenm, and how she enjoys her sobriety, i will hear R Lee when the craving comes to me, and will look ahead with Saint, and learn and hang off the words of everyone that choses to support me on this journey. All of you are beautiful, compassionate people. I am so lucky to have met you all.

The sun beckons, my guitar is nudging me. Maybe a strumming on the porch so that the trees and the birds and me can come together for a moment. It is these moments i stay sober for.

Thank you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 06-08-2013, 10:38 AM   #550
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Hello everyone. All is well.

I am just popping in. R Lee i meant to wish you a wonderful trip with the boys. I know the little ones inspire and take us to the roots of our souls. Enjoy my friend.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to R Lee and his Grandsons, loveness to all.
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