Addiction Survivors

Notices

Reply
Unread 02-14-2017, 03:07 PM   #5151
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

you are more than welcome Tryn. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and excited to hear how it all goes. Im so happy i could help in some way and i am proud of you always.

Love you very much xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-15-2017)
Unread 02-14-2017, 04:00 PM   #5152
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

Poor Rolo... he must be so confused.

Break a leg tomorrow. Figuratively only!
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Millie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-15-2017)
Unread 02-14-2017, 06:49 PM   #5153
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Good luck tomorrow my Little Brother. I just know you're going to do very well.

I hope Rolo has been able to settle in; and you're both sleeping soundly.

Big hugs from your Big Sis
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-15-2017)
Unread 02-15-2017, 03:43 AM   #5154
soapdish
Senior Member
 
Posts: 371
Default

Best of luck
Xxxxx
soapdish is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to soapdish For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-15-2017)
Unread 02-15-2017, 04:20 AM   #5155
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Good luck today Tryn!! Let us know as soon as you can xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-15-2017)
Unread 02-15-2017, 10:11 AM   #5156
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

OHHH my goodness!.....Now how can a bag of bones called me feel anything other than super confident with such love and support to see me on my way? The strength you all give me is phenomenal. I do not have words for my gratitude, and i also would not be able to express my love for you all adequately. It never stops me trying though.

Thank you all for your messages of support and for wishing me luck as i pottered off to the meeting with a snow-flurry of feelings, with anxiety swirling around with no beginning or end.

When we share with each other we give each other strength......what does that actually look like?...what does it mean? I have not the slightest doubt it will mean different things to each and every glorious one of you, yet for me, it gives me that "little bit more i need" so i can rise above the feelings i have just described. It means i can focus on what....why....and how, i am going to do...what i am trying to do.

And so it was. A rip roaring success. I did my "thang", and when i engaged with what my dearest Alexis suggested pathway, it seemed to seamlessly "flow" within the presentation. I turned it into being something almost done by design.

Incidentally, it being a "presentation" is only what they call it. What may be in your mind from seeing presentations in the past is not what i do. I am introduced as someone who may have some useful ideas, and i am given an uninterrupted platform to communicate them, painting a picture of what it looks like in the real, real life, according to the roles of those attending. In order to inspire, a short "bio" is always required to qualify where the ideas came from in he first place. When i give my talks, when i do the work beforehand as to what...and more importantly how i am going to communicate, (in what dialogue?...and what should that dialogue contain for the best possible outcome?) i work "backwards".

I start with a "clean sheet of paper", i imagine i have already communicated what i wanted to, and then i think to myself....."what questions do i think those that heard all this from new....would ask?". Hence, my talks are a series of "answers".

They are passionate, steeped in personal history and experience, and some of the harshest pathways and recollections to make understanding completely transparent, i do with a smile.

Sope, obviously the point of presentations is Q n A afterwards. I finished, and rolled out the assumed ditty....."thank you for listening ...and if you have any questions......blah, blah, blah"......nothing. Others looking at each other, seemingly waiting for someone else to say something, and so awkward was the pause, it fell on the shoulders of the most "senior" role in the room who simply said, "Well, i honestly don't know what to say. Anyone else?"

It transpired that it was felt that i had communicated sooo much information it felt overwhelming. At this point i thought i had blown it. Off i went into apology mode and was abruptly stopped and told not to think anything of the sort. That only more time would have been needed and that more time was going to be created. So the 2nd hour instead of Q n A, was all about logistics of when, and with whom i should speak to next.

BINGO.

Alexis?......Thank you very, very much indeed.

I needed to "do this today" and i knew "just getting through it" would have been pointless to all. I had to be "up for it", firing on all cylinders, (well the ones i got left), and by listening to you, and ALL my wonderful brothers and sisters, i was "up for it". And what is more Alexis, you completely placated and gave me an "out" with the bumps and bruises i came by the other night.

So you see what i mean?......that is what giving me strength looks like.

It is 3pm in my dear ole Blighty, i have cast off my suit and i would be able to go to bed right now. I am shattered and the old bag of bones are rattling for sure. I play a piece of music on the ole Joanna called "All of me". Today took every tiny little bit of a tiny little Tryn, so it did.

For myself i feel i have achieved something. Not in being able to communicate what i needed to in the meeting, yet by being in a bad place, and still being able to do it. That is my achievement today. Without your love and support, it would not have been possible. Not only have i achieved something today....so have all of you for empowering me.

My attention now fairly and squarely with the ole fella. That shit really freaked him out. He is just not himself. I shall be taking him out for a slow, close and loving stroll when i finish this letter.

If only i could explain to him what happened.

I can, yet because he's an old, old dog, he will not ever have experienced something like that, i create the love and the space for him to come to me. He needs space, always knowing i am there.

Bless his cotton paws.

So my wonderful family, it has been a week thus far so it has, i write to you today from a position of strength.

Thank you all......so much.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-15-2017, 10:37 AM   #5157
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Tryn i am so so proud of you. Wow, what an achievement. I hope you are proud of yourself? You are breaking barriers down and that is so important, i cant even begin to explain why.

After your walk with Rolo, get a cup of tea and relax, and think back about your achievements this week. TODAY. just brilliant.

Thank you for being you, for being here and for being the best man you can be. I love you very much xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-16-2017)
Unread 02-15-2017, 03:18 PM   #5158
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

Tryn, that is so great. I knew you'd go over like gangbusters.

I'm glad you're going to pay some special attention to Rolo. If anything like that ever happens again, maybe he'll remind you to call the police instead...

Hugs, and I hope it doesn't sound condescending (because that's not the intention) to say I'm proud of you. You inspire me every day.
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Millie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-16-2017)
Unread 02-15-2017, 04:39 PM   #5159
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Oh, my Little Brother, what a day you had! Like Alexis and Millie, I am so proud of you and so happy for you. Sounds like this is just the beginning of something really big and beneficial to so many. I love this part of what you wrote "...i write to you today from a position of strength."

Hope Rolo enjoyed his walk and is getting back to his old self.

Big hugs across the ocean from your Big Sis.
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-16-2017)
Unread 02-15-2017, 07:35 PM   #5160
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

So proud of you! One day lightening came and hit very near our house - a large tree and it shattered. All the tv's appliances were fried and my sweet dog was outside, it scared her and I couldn't find her for over 3 hours. Well, she got ok but was timid frequently. Hold Rolo, hold him and reassure him with loud noises and commotion constantly. Tell him it's ok and he will know you are there for him. Lots of cuddles and always let him sleep with you in your bed.
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-16-2017)
Unread 02-15-2017, 09:05 PM   #5161
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Hope your walk went well for you & Rolo. Be careful what would we all do including Rolo without you friend.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-16-2017)
Unread 02-16-2017, 04:33 AM   #5162
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Morning Tryn, any plans today or just relaxing with Rolo? xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-16-2017)
Unread 02-16-2017, 03:56 PM   #5163
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Alexis, My dearest Millie, My dear R Lee, My dearest Lost Dog and My wonderful Big Sis Nancy, so love keeps triumphing. No one is "ever there".....made it....done it. For sure we all like to find a box to fit in to say we have done it, yet it grows as surely as the magnolias. There is no control. Thank you.

I have had a "duvet day". For Tryn is does not actually include a duvet, it just means i see how long i can go without opening my mouth, or writing something. For me "duvet day" means needing one to shove in my mouth to shut me up.

When i shut up, (the point of the exercise) i can hear, and feel myself. Oh dear. Oh dearie me. It is a practical experience. I say to myself, "right now, lets see what this can do". Lets pretend i am a Dr what happens if i push there?.......OOOWWWW....there?.....don't even think about it.....and that's me!......

I properly felt the thumping i got t'other night...today.

When i went to bed last night, my dear Lost Dogs words in my head, so Rolo and i snuggled up and fell fast asleep. I have been so very calm, (exhausted), relaxed, (can't ****ing move), and the ole fella?.....how he has come to my side now. He is precious, coming to the end of his longest run, a character so unique to make beauty blush, and a soul that wishes nothing other than to love. In a way, we seem to be closer together now. The dynamic of our wondrous relationship dictates that if you want to know how and why, you'll have to ask him. So much does he give me.

I have not even read my stacking up e mails, however i know from whence they have come. They will be positive. I AM positive, i just do not have the strength to feel it right now. I feel so strong inside, my body....whoa.

Talking of which i have had a letter through my letterbox from my next door neighbour. It is a hand delivered, (Rolo told me that when he did!)...the letterbox went "snap".

I picked up the letter and it will remain unopened until my body stops talking back to me. There is a part of me that is so very cross with him. I am going back to the fracture clinic on Monday at 2.15pm as a consequence of this, nothing serious, yet the arm really hurts again, and the ribs can't take anymore. I have a fair ole bump on my cheek bone yet the swelling has gone down alot, then it really hurts.

The rozzers, bless'em did offer me the option that night to go to hospital, yet we know the score, it was best to ride it out. I am doing really well because the ole fella is so, so, so close to being back to himself.

I have read so much of my brothers and sisters today, however last night Sam wrote something that was one of the most powerful energy and influence i think to hit me in my life. I quoted him to dear Milan, so blown off my feet was it. Holding a resentment, what it does to a person, gorgeous Sam.......see what happens when you take those roller skates orff? You start making sense brother!

This afternoon out of the blue, i wanted a ciggy, a drink, a spliff, all and every class A drug know to man, ohhhhh..... a can of coke and an umbrella.

It lasted...ummm?......Hmmmm.....20-25 minutes.

So what have i ended up with tonight in my dear ole Blighty? I shall tell you.

A bag of "fizzers".....5 sour lollipops, a bag of "tootie fruities".....Vienna ice cream...a crunchie....and for pudding?.....a Mars Bar.

With a good ole Blighty cuppa.

What?

Better lose your teeth than your life. I see it as "recycling yourself", yup. Think of it, when i die, get cremated and whatnot, i won't be ashes, just sugar. I am going to be reincarnated either as a bis-quit..or a cuppa rosy lea.

Anyhew my lovelys, i wanted to drop in to share that if any are reading my words and want to stop using either alcohol, drugs or both.....rob a sweet shop.

Night night.

Be peaceful be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
3 Users Say Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-17-2017), Thank You (02-16-2017), Thank You (02-16-2017)
Unread 02-16-2017, 06:55 PM   #5164
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Hi my Little Brother. Good job distracting yourself from those thoughts! What are 'fizzers', not sure I know. But yes, better you ate those sweets than anything else.

Happy to hear that and you Rolo both had a good sleep and he's back to his old self. Really like that you took your duvet day. That's really such a fabulous idea to just sit back, take everything in without distraction, except for candy and dear Rolo.

I hope you and Rolo have another good night.

Big hugs from Big Sis
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-19-2017)
Unread 02-17-2017, 08:09 AM   #5165
soapdish
Senior Member
 
Posts: 371
Default

Hi Tryn,

What you wrote on LD's thread brought me to tears. So true and so beautifully articulated.

I am so sorry for what happened with your neighbour. I admire you so much for your magnificient attitude, resilience and sense of humour in the face of adversity.

I am so happy for your success at the presentation.

Hugs and Love
Xxxx
soapdish is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to soapdish For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-19-2017)
Unread 02-17-2017, 08:38 AM   #5166
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

fizzers yummm! I havent had sweets for so long, i dont really crave them but when someone talks about eating them....wow i wish i had some with me now!!

You deserve a duvet day, they are the best arent they

Keep moving forward Tryn, you are amazing. I love you xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-19-2017)
Unread 02-17-2017, 04:08 PM   #5167
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

How is the magnificent Tryn and Rolo this evening? Sweets are a feel good for me too. I lift weights and have some good desserts. You are sweet so don't worry about eating them. Your metabolism uses the calories quickly. Your letters are like sweets to me too.
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-19-2017)
Unread 02-17-2017, 05:13 PM   #5168
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

a. I love the idea of a duvet day and I'm going to be using that as often as possible.
b. I must try to find these "fizzers" when I'm in Scotland.
c. I am so sorry you're sore, but glad Rolo seems better. I hope you're having a better day today, and still coasting on your great presentation.
d. Great job letting that feeling pass and getting sweets instead. You rock!
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Millie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-19-2017)
Unread 02-19-2017, 07:38 AM   #5169
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

How are you Today Tryn, wow another special day!! How quickly the weeks are passing these days xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-19-2017)
Unread 02-19-2017, 03:15 PM   #5170
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Oh it never stops being so lovely to hear your voices, to feel your huggles, to learn from where that all comes from each and everyone of you. When i read your journeys, for sure i want to go hammer and tongs at them all....yet that is just my way. The very special dynamics of this family, our family, means that each word, is never left unattended. At least not in my heart. I am so very grateful.

My dearest Soapdish, i have been the most guilty for letting my tears drown me. When you are fighting for breath in your own tears, for sure, the banks you wash up on, must therefore be yourself?

Gggrrrrrr.....now i found myself all washed up on the beach that is me, .....what am i going to do now?

I know.....i will ask my family.

I've never had one of those yet i imagine i would get tons of answers to sift through eh what?

Oh hello?......my family has given me lots, and lots to think about! I was right....love always conquers the day. I am so........hold on....if i say i am "grateful"...it means something you have done has now finished/ ~ #....@"the floors done luv?...you 'appy?" ....

Errmm....my wonky thinking therefore suggests that i am not grateful in the slightest, infact i have never been more ungrateful in the slightest bit of my ungrateful life. Hopefully that means i get more and more of your wisdom.

The ole fella i have been somewhat worried about. The weeks events still waiting for tomorrow to call a new week, and he knows i'm off to hospital tomorrow. He has been so sweet. I am only going for X rays and a chat about those....so what has he done?.......knowing i have to go into a hospital for this very lucky chat, he has brought me my light saver, my beam me up scottie phone, (at least he's on the end of that phone now), a worried look and a rather large raised paw that says, "high five buddy. "Been nice knowing you"

For ****s sake Rolo....i'm having an X ray......your supper is safe.....

woofin'........he walks away.......

"What's that you are muttering under your breath Rolo?"....

"That's what your last owners said?"

Can't argue with that ole fella.

Still, i have to sort my own doorstep so i can sort his. I really need this chat tomorrow.

It means he will be proper glad to see me tomorrow when i get back. I surely hurt folks. In lots of ways. Don't we all.

HOWEVER....this bouncing ball is going to flip flop into a nice hot bath that has to be fair been beckoning me as it has been run, and won't be teased anymore. Rolo's ears are as flat as they can be because the bath salts are permeating through our little space.......i open my big eyes to his big eyes and say.........."bath"........if Rolo was a wealthy dog, just not giving him a bath would facilitate great riches for me.

Thang is...no money???......still having a bath. Ohhh the indignation!

I need one too.

Oh goodness me, here comes tomorrow.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-19-2017, 03:20 PM   #5171
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Ive just had a bath too Tryn

Good luck tomorrow, let us know how it goes. xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-21-2017)
Unread 02-19-2017, 03:21 PM   #5172
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Good luck tomorrow my dear Little Brother. Let us know what happens when you can.

Have you in my thoughts and heart.

Big hugs from your Big Sis
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-21-2017)
Unread 02-19-2017, 05:31 PM   #5173
soapdish
Senior Member
 
Posts: 371
Default

Best of luck
Xxxxx
soapdish is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to soapdish For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-21-2017)
Unread 02-20-2017, 05:33 PM   #5174
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

much luck and luv and best wishes!
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-21-2017)
Unread 02-21-2017, 05:39 AM   #5175
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Alexis, dearest Soapdish, my wonderful Big Sis Nancy and my dearest Lost Dog, thank you for your wishes, love and support.

Why is Tryns life so topsy turvy? All i try to do these days is play fair, nothing seems to change much though.

I went to hospital yesterday, a clinic, i saw a consultant, we looked through the x rays and whatnot, more healing time needed as there is a thin break down my fema. Nothing to worry about. Not in the big scheme of things.

Since i wrote last something quite extraordinary, something in a million years i could never have see coming. Our dear Alexis will know what i mean by saying i have a "compliance interview" on March 1st.

Essentially a "compliance officer" is the fraud arm of the DWP. So i read the letter, (a very threatening letter at that), my little brain beginning to realise the enormity of this. I let the letter drift out of my fingers and by the time it had gently glided to the floor i was on the phone. I will do my very best to explain how this has happened to my family in the big place. It must hard for you all to understand as it is our social security system and whatnot, yet i think you will understand.

As Tryn has some fairly substantial bits and bobs wrong with me both physical issues and mental health issues i receive "benefits" from my Government. I receive something called ESA, ~(Employment and Support Allowance) and DLA, (Disability living allowance), both are commonly called, "sickness benefits".

In order to qualify i have to prove and provide evidence of my conditions. I have to supply the names and contact details of all my consultants, support workers etc, including dear Milan. My GP and all of these people will receive a letter from DWP asking them their experience of me, and the impact they feel my conditions have on my day to day life. All this evidence is collected and collated, (it takes months)....THEN i am assessed by the DWP's own health care professionals, and then, and only then does all that information go to a decision maker who then decides what benefit you are entitled to, and at what rate.

It is a dreadful experience for those that are trying claim as each jumped hoop only provides 2 more. However the theory is, if you have the conditions you say you have, if you can prove it, you will get the money that you need to live on with your disability's.

So how come Tryn is getting pulled up for fraud?

I have found out. It is breathtaking.

As you know i have declined a certain treatment from the NHS. I have done so for my own reasons, the NHS writing to my Dr to suggest i may not know the "full facts" and they urged me to accept the treatment they were offering. So that is the state of play with the NHS.

Now the DWP have said...."oh....you're refusing treatment? (no i am not refusing treatment i am declining a certain treatment) You have done so for roughly 8 months? Well Mr Tryn, that means your claim is null and void my friend. It also means you were not entitled to the last 8 months worth of money."

"Whooooaaaaa!!!! hold on a god damn minute! You have all the relevant correspondence PROVING i have the conditions, and that particular one, i say i have. So you want to start justifying the shit you've just come out with?"

"Mr Tryn, we are not suggesting for 1 minute that when we received those letters that was not your condition at that time. How do we know what your condition is as we speak now?"

"Well.......errrmmm...well....because....well..... ..it's not ****ing going anywhere is it?"

".....and we know that because?....Look if your conditions are not being monitored, we can never be sure you are getting the benefits you are entitled to, or indeed getting benefits you are not entitled to"

"Ok....so you are saying to me.....no treatment = no support. You are also saying to me that infact that has been the case for the last 8 months and i have committed fraud? A criminal offence?"

"To the letter of the law...yes Mr Tryn, although we are not considering any criminal proceedings against you"

"WTF!! Is this some kind of sick joke? I am not and have not lied to anybody or ripped anyone off.....put that in your pipe and smoke it and i look forward to seeing you in court. Lets see what THEY say"

"Mr Tryn, this can be resolved without anything like that action needing to be taken."

..."What?....you mean action that does not work for you? Listen pal, you'll have to get up a lot ****ing earlier in morning to pull this shit on me"

The upshot is i am going for an interview under caution to "sort this out for you Mr Tryn"....oookkkaaayyy.

How's this then for size.

On March 3rd i have what is called a WCA, (work capability assessment) where i am questioned and physically examined by a DWP health professional. It comprehensive and covers all aspect of my health. It is a time where i can prove my worth or lack of it. It does not get more intensive than that. So if the DWP have "concerns" as to my eligibility of my benefit status, this is what they would need to satisfy their suspicious. I also have another physical examination lined up for yet another benefit (PIP) which is even more thorough.

So when is my "compliance interview?"...March 1st

So that week...1st fraud interview, 2nd my birthday, 3rd physical assessment by DWP, 4th PIP application has to be submitted. If the 1st goes badly, i will not be able to apply for PIP, that would be me totally, utterly and completely financially ****ed.

It is mahousively painfully ironic that during my days at the moment i am trying to find pathways forward for the DWP to empower their "customers".

Do you know what it does to me?....It makes me even more determined to create a better and more effective way forward with them. It makes me hell bent in being a vehicle of change for them. This is not going to be easy. The system is designed to repel and attack perceived threats.

I am no threat. That's just what the computer says.

I have been fluctuating between very extreme emotions through this. A threat to my sobriety?....Not a day at a time...no. Infact quite the opposite. I think there is a lot to be said for having some "sober time under your belt". I won't let them do that to me.

And anyways, Tryn likes to fight for others, i do believe i am learning how to fight for myself. It has surprised me. I also thought it would be the case that fighting for others would be far, far more challenging than fighting for yourself. Having never done so, i wouldn't really have known, that infact fighting not just for yourself, yet by yourself, is properly difficult so it is.

What will be will be. I have many strings to my bow. It means that ultimately, after my journey to have a little home, a family in you all, an increasingly old and weary ole fella dear ole Rolo, means i have "made it".......any...and all day long.

Sobriety to me is no longer an old man with a stick waiting to beat me if i step out of line.....nope....sobriety is a friend of mine now. Sobriety likes me too.

Gosh....doesn't life suck sometimes? Thank goodness i know it.

I am strong, i am so very tired. I feel good, yet lots of things hurt. I feel positive, yet so many clouds gathering on the horizon, i feel so tall, yet so very small.

I feel human......i feel me.

Have a grand day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-21-2017, 06:13 AM   #5176
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Oh Tryn, sorry you have to go through this. The system sucks. As you know i had to re apply for PIP and mine was rejected ever since my financial burdens have been increased and i struggle month by month.

I hope that week in March can be positive and things can be sorted out for you. You dont deserve to go through this shit.

Im thinking of you every day Tryn, you give me strength xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-22-2017)
Unread 02-21-2017, 06:18 AM   #5177
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

My dear Little Brother. That's unbelievable. Wow. It's funny, as I was reading what was going on, I could almost feel you becoming empowered to do this for yourself, which, in turn, will help you empower others. Can you get paper copies of all of your records, put them in a wheelbarrow and bring that to your meeting? But seriously, I can't imagine that anyone after seeing your records, hearing your stories of the inexcusably bad treatment you've received by the NHS could saying you're defrauding anyone.

I know you can do this.

I really like what you said here:
"Sobriety to me is no longer an old man with a stick waiting to beat me if i step out of line.....nope....sobriety is a friend of mine now. Sobriety likes me too."

Giant hugs to you and many skritches behind the ears to dear Rolo.

Your Big Sis
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-22-2017)
Unread 02-21-2017, 01:29 PM   #5178
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

Wow, Tryn. Just wow. There are no words.

You are the strongest person I know.
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Millie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-22-2017)
Unread 02-21-2017, 09:52 PM   #5179
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

You said: I am strong, i am so very tired. I feel good, yet lots of things hurt. I feel positive, yet so many clouds gathering on the horizon, i feel so tall, yet so very small.

You are strong and very tall, your feeling the pull of gravity of life's problems very strong with all you have happening. Don't let it overwhelm you, stay with us and we will help you. I am sending lots of well wishes, hugs, and a little stroking for Rolo. Well, a lot....
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-22-2017)
Unread 02-22-2017, 05:50 AM   #5180
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

Ohhh my dearest Alexis.......what a mess this is eh? ****ing DWP. It is galling to know that in the next 2 years the WCA will be no more. The tactics the DWP are using, the dialogue that has changed on the forms, subtle, yet shift the control enitirly into DWP's favour which simply means if they need to save the money and you are in the firing line, there is little you can do anymore. The right of appeal has been taken away for at least the first 6 months as they now "automatically" appeal it for you. That frankly means another decision maker makes sure they can get away with it in law, then, if you're still alive, if you still have the strength left to fight you MAY appeal, i stress MAY, as it is no longer a right of yours. The current rate of appeals is that 69% of them are upheld. In select committee in our parliament the questions are still be asked why it is that so many vulnerable, sick and disabled people are winning their appeals citing there must be thus something wrong with the initial assessments. I mean lets face it, they are quite ridiculous aren't they? I mean on my form i counted that i have 14 separate conditions. All diagnosed, all have fancy pants names, and then i have my own mental health issues...my anger/temper etc, i now take 23 pills a day and that is not counting pain killers and whatnot, i have oxygen tanks, how do i provide and prove them all, how do THEY prove to themselves, someone i have never met before in (up to) 45 minutes a lifetime of how i have come to be so poorly? I shall tell you how.

Each segment of the assessment has question. Each question is scored between 0-15. 0 being A ok, 15 being ****ed.

You need to score 15 on ONE of the questions to qualify for the benefit. So the person before me could score 14 on every question and not qualify for benefit, i score 15 on ONE, and 0 on every other one, i qualify. Bats in the belfry or what eh?

Anyhew my dearest Alexis, your good self and i could talk about this until the cows came home, it gets so complicated and i will lose our brothers and sisters in the big place with the "ins and outs", suffice to say it takes my breath away to think that you have not been awarded PIP knowing you the way i do. For example, i pay my dear Milan £100 per month. That comes out of my DLA. No DLA, no psychotherapy. My income from £817 per month to £280.40 a month in 2 weeks......whoooaaa.........

.....which leads me nicely on to my wonderful Big Nancy's letter. Dear Big Sis, what i have just written to our dear Alexis is worst case scenario. I have to be prepared for that.

Suppose the worst case scenario happens? Ok, i am younger than i look and i am far more tired in life than i should be......HOWEVER........(i have ALWAYS,......ALWAYS.....ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THIS!!!!!!!).....Do you know who i am?? >>>>>>>BOOOMM!

I am Tryn for Gods sake. Over the coming weeks the family will be hearing the ups and the downs of this. I will be passionate, hurt, angry yet focused. With the familys help i will keep everything within reason...and a reason for any of my actions. I will be able to experience the real benefit of my sobriety as i navigate myself through these proper tricky waters, so actually the positive in this means my sobriety becomes an even closer friend to me. I'm not daft, i know these times contain all my triggers, yet i am a different animal now. I have strengths and experiences to call upon. It was only 3-4 days ago i shared i wanted to drink the world dry and solve the global drug epidemic by taking them all myself....20-25 minutes that lasted.....as powerful as ever......yet i have 3 bodyguards with me at all times now. Self belief, honesty and acceptance. Alcohol and drugs have to get through that lot first and i now fight for all 3, with my life.

So Big Sis?....i wake up tomorrow morning, it is all over and has not gone my way. What do i do next? Welp, i open my "swag bag".....have a rummage around.....and i bet your bottom dollar.....i will pull out a big top hat. I will then dip my hand into my top hat of miracles.......and trust me, i will pull something out of the hat so i will.

Hey?.....life is bigger than us. Life is bigger than our problems. Life is a problem that we solve everyday. On our journey of finding our solutions so life twinkles, shines and smiles at us on our ways. My dearest Nancy, there is a bloody good reason you decided to call us "survivors". There is no other word for us all. Victims need just others, survivors need others...AND themselves. It is why survivors spend their journeys in 1 way or t'other, empowering others. It is the job of a survivor. Whatever the outcome of this wretched mess and period of time, let it be.....bring it on. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that can happen to me that i will not cope with, manage, and turn around. Oh for sure, the family will get it in the neck on this little journey, yet it is me letting off steam, anger and disbelief. It will be the sound of a family helping a brother out in ways perhaps they do not fully recognise. What a lucky man i am.

My dearest Millie, just a brief correction if i may. I am the weakest person trying to be a stronger person you will ever know. By sharing with you, and all my brothers and sisters, i just feel weights coming off my shoulders. Just like my book about dogs, i know what they look like, sound like. I have formed my optical vision of them through their characters, through their struggles and the way they cope. Knowing this family allows me, as an artist, to paint pictures of purity, honesty and so very much togetherness, like an army, a force, a strength of empowerment......and love.

My dearest Lost Dog. How so gentle, tender and kind you are. I loved the way you summed it up,....... "your feeling the pull of gravity of life's problems very strong...... " yes, yes i am. Yet i feel the pull of this family, the tug of courage, so my orbit creates its dark nights and its own sunny days. It is important as we all go through the seasons of ourselves, we adapt to the weather inside of us.

Dear Lost Dog.....<<<<<<i am lucky so i am!...Oh Yes!......i happen to know a few cowboys and a few cowgirls that have crept slowly through their dark canyons, the sound of the horses hooves echoing seemingly to other lands and only increasing the sense of foreboding, the sense of danger. So now on my journey, i see a deep dark canyon infront of me, i am scared. My horse stops as she feels my fear to. Dear Rolo sitting still, looking for my instruction. I look inside myself, and once where i never had a clue what was going to become of me if i attempted the move forward, so now, even with my fear, i have all of you. You will have been already gone through the canyon that i fear so. If my family, my brothers and sisters can do it....so can i. The power of love.

It is hammering down with rain in my dear ole Blighty, the ole fella, well......he loves it....loves, loves, loves it! It was sooooo nice to see a spring in the ole fella this morning. When we got home, he did not go to his toy basket and bring me a toy....ohhhh noooosiirreeeee....he dived right in...so he did. It was gorgeous to see the child in him as i now get, he really is an ole fella.

I have plenty of forms to do, Drs tomorrow, write to dear Milan....yet enough already. I will also play the joanna, share playtime and lovetime with the ole fella, look after myself and not get "consumed" or "over focused". I do it by setting out my stall early doors...."If i have achieved x/y/z today, the rest of the day is mine and Rolo's." I then set about managing that. It is 10.39am in dear ole Blighty, 3 down, 2 to go.

By the way, i am coping well with my health stuff at the moment. I have been eating a new diet.

Ohhhh enough already.....hey?.....tell you 1 thing, they may take everything away from me........can never take my waffle eh what!?

Have a wonderful, wonderful day. (Alexis wrap up warm)

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-22-2017)
Unread 02-22-2017, 08:09 AM   #5181
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

thank you Tryn for all the positive uplifting messages you bring. A new diet, I'm curious and I'm glad it is working for you. Two of our cows got out last night and we rounded them up. the fence is broken, but we can contain the problem.....
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-26-2017)
Unread 02-22-2017, 09:52 AM   #5182
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Yes its horrible Tryn. I cry and cry over losing my appeal then you start doubting whether you are poorly at all, well i do anyway!

OOOh whats this new diet? Glad its working for you!!

You are strong and brave and amazing.

Love to you and Rolo xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-26-2017)
Unread 02-23-2017, 07:29 AM   #5183
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

Hope you have a nice day today Tryn.
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-26-2017)
Unread 02-23-2017, 02:39 PM   #5184
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Hope youre ok Tryn and storm Doris hasnt knocked you over. Love you very much xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-26-2017)
Unread 02-24-2017, 02:18 AM   #5185
Millie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,442
Default

Thinking of you, Tryn. Hope you're okay.
Millie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Millie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-26-2017)
Unread 02-25-2017, 01:39 PM   #5186
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

How are you Tryn? i get worried when we dont hear from you xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-26-2017)
Unread 02-26-2017, 02:47 PM   #5187
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Hello Tryn, Thinking of you and Rolo! Sending hugs and prayers that you are being taken care of and getting better. Sure miss hearing from you; know you will write us when you are able. The sun is shining at my house today so am sending some beams your way.

Miss you lots! Love, huggles, scritches for Rolo, take care of yourself and remember your family is here waiting.

"mum" nan
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to nan For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-26-2017), Thank You (02-26-2017)
Unread 02-26-2017, 04:47 PM   #5188
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good evening everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

How dreadfully sweet you all are.

My dearest Lost Dog, dearest Alexis, dearest Millie, and Mum! howdey doodey? Thank you all so much.

I have been in a place of total focus. The week that is just about to start, is the most stressful i anticipate since the Great Man popped his clogs.

They want evidence.....my goodness i save/scan everything that i get.....(it is the only way i can remember anything)....sope all it took was....2 clear days of printing it all out. Then another 2 days to fill in the form......bobs yer uncle.

EVERYTHING Tryn does, he does backwards so filled in the form first....time is fast approaching.........if i do not get it back to them by March the 2nd, i will suddenly not exist......27th tomorrow.....nearly done..........

Print >>>>>>>

Errrrr......print??? >>>>>>>>

****king PRINT!!!!

Shhhh cook.....shhhh cook....shhhh cook......

****king PRINT!!! PERLEEEZZEEE.....

Nope.

OMG. Now i have no evidence whatsoever to send. I will have to go back to the old days...and actually put pen to paper and write it all!!....That will take for ever.

Clever boy Tryn, so what i did is got up the covering letter i had written in a "queue" of stuff waiting to be printed from my files, (the printer kept saying "no paper" when it had plenty) and here i sat, and spent over 2 hours writing the whole thing out, copying what i had written from the comp. My goodness my little pinkys got tired so they did. I thought, welp....this covering letter explains why i can not provide the evidence i wanted to.

Yeah right....a bit like "my dog ate my homework"......it is true though.

Resigned to the fact, and after a lot of writing i lean back in my chair and bibbled my lips....whoooaaaa that was hard work. Dear ole Rolo, knowing i was in "chill mode" came flipping and flapping towards me. His basil brush tail doing its thang, and he does knock into things so he does.

He flipped, and he flapped, his bottom wiggled and waggled and hit the printer next to the computer....and the printer went.....

Shhhhh cook....shhhh cook....shhhhh cook..............and printed the whole ****ing lot out.

Wonders never cease.

I have dear Milan early doors tomorrow, my goodness what perfect timing. Just sharing with him enlightens me. His expressions hold many answers right there. Often permission to be oneself has to come from others.

It is quite, quite bizarre that this week is about proving i have the issues i have, and in order to do so i will have to find a way of banishing them for a week. Everything will be just fine so long as no one pisses me off. Hmmmm.....that's what i thought as well.

Hay hoe, there is only one way to deal with a challenge and that is head long...straight into it. It's is what i always say, you go into a shop for a pint of milk and come out with a loaf of bread. You come out with something though.

I have thought about jacking the State in, and going it alone. I just can't. Not yet.

I have 2 massive positives........this week also contains my birthday, and on the 6th i am sitting down again with change makers for another chat.

Life is suuuuccchhhhh a pain in the arse. It is soooooo unfair. It sucks.....soooooo much.....that it makes it so much fun living it. So long as you can keep your chin up, it is really rather funny it is so silly.

Life makes fun of me......i try to make life fun.

Big sigh....here we go.......time to walk the walk.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-26-2017)
Unread 02-26-2017, 04:55 PM   #5189
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Glad you got it printed out Tryn!! Finally haha

Ill be with you this week, by your side as you get things done. Say hello to Milan from me tomorrow morning!

Love to you and Rolo xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-27-2017)
Unread 02-26-2017, 06:24 PM   #5190
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

oh, and it's going to be a great birthday too, have a good week. I'm sorry your so busy with writing what they need, but if anyone can do it, it is you. You are the writer of writers...
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-27-2017)
Unread 02-26-2017, 07:49 PM   #5191
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Happy birthday week my dear Little Brother!

And look Rolo the tech dog! Fixing up your printer in no time!
I hope you have a great week and I hope a lot gets accomplished with all of that paperwork.

Big hugs and skritches from your Big Sis
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-27-2017)
Unread 02-27-2017, 04:29 AM   #5192
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Hope you are having a lovely chat with Milan right now xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-27-2017)
Unread 02-27-2017, 11:03 AM   #5193
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Alexis, (gosh you are growing into an amazing person), my dearest Lost Dog and my wonderful Big Sis Nancy.....let me tell you something......JUST incase you did not know......."it's all in your head". What i mean by that is how you take things on board. How you "see" things, life, ohhhh the whole shebang.

This morning at 8.05 the DWP rang me to tell me "not to forget to bring evidence with me to my WCA"....Ummmm......i just sent it all off to PIP. I was told "that will not be helpful".....i held my tongue.

At 8.35 dear Milan txt me to say his skype was playing up. We try the phone, yet agreed the dynamics just were not right.

Being with dear ole Rolo, watching him potter about on the waste ground centers me so it does.

Not a cracking start to the week so i thought that is where we should go, him letting off steam from his schnozle, me from my mind.

In an instant we were engulfed in torrential rain, sleet and snow. Funnily enough, "totally out of the blue".

I couldn't ****ing believe it. No...no...no....no!!!! I turned in this hailstorm to put the ole fella on his lead to take him out of there...and his whole coat was white from the hail. Little beads of glistening beauty on him. He lept like a spring lamb rolling around on his back when he landed.......the wind howled....and boy was it eventually torrential.....these 2 boys walking back in....drenched and it is still only 9am.

It was FANTASTIC. I stood back in total submission to my dear ole Blightys weather, and watched my dear ole Rolo, being dear ole Rolo.

Thank you hail, thank you wind, thank you torrential rain.

I pop the computer on to read up on my e mails, pathways forward i am trying to create, to have an e mail from the Council from the adult education people asking if i would like to pop in to see them for a natter about my ideas.

It is wholly bizarre. Would i be wrong......in all my brothers and sisters experiences of their own journeys....to expect anything else?

I want to share something about loneliness.

When i am frightened, when anyone is frightened they retreat into themselves. At those times, the fear could be just about anything.

It is not hard to see how any of us would not be frightened, knowing you all in the way i do. Fear ~ loneliness.

As you all know you are reading the words of the luckiest man alive. I am 51 this week.

I have felt so very lonely in my life. For sure i brought alot of that loneliness on myself, still lonely though. It was a vicious cycle of using.

I am right up to my neck in stuff right now, and i am frightened. I am NO longer lonely. Not with you all.

Sobriety is giving me a brother in myself, and allowing me to be a brother to all those i meet too.

It's hard though. This week will take....all i have got.

Bollocks.

This week will be what i make it. There is so much of this week i can not control, what i can control is me. That is my only task. Do that, and i will be happy.

Anyhew, i have the most powerful lady in dear my ole Blighty, a powerful lady in al Italia.....and the whole of the big place behind me. Only i can go wrong.

I'm not going to.

When the Great Man died i did not know as it was happening how much you all did for me. Now i do. You are all helping me in the here and now. Right now.

The compliance interview Wednesday 12pm. Tomorrow i am going to cook a cake for my birthday.

When life troubles you......never sit still. Do something. My cakes will mean that i will be able to put it on the wall, and throw candles at it like a dart board.

Never give in.....give out.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 02-27-2017, 07:40 PM   #5194
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

My dear Little Brother, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this:

"This week will be what i make it. There is so much of this week i can not control, what i can control is me. That is my only task. Do that, and i will be happy."

And we will be happy right along with you.

Biggest hugs and skritches.

You Big Sis
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-28-2017)
Unread 02-28-2017, 05:31 AM   #5195
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My wonderful Big Sis Nancy, thank you. Yup......it is always in my control how i walk through my days whatever they may hold. The human spirit is the most powerful energy in the universe so it is. It so easy to get wrapped up in our lives.....the walls closing in......our worlds become smaller and smaller. When troubles come my way rather than hiding behind the sofa, i chose to fling the curtains open....all doors flung wide open and drown my soul in light and energy. The only thing to fear...really is fear itself.

And so i am jumping from cloud to cloud on the way up to cloud 9. I had a flurry of e mail exchanges with the Council yesterday that has filled me with positivity and my shoes pointing firmly in the direction of the future.

I was written to after being "linked up" by the adult education lady, and to be fair i was not quite sure why. Apparently my ideas had been discussed at a meeting and somehow the education lot saw a pathway for them with it.

I wrote back to explain where i was coming from and "what things could look like" hit send and got a reply within the hour. When ANY Council Official starts their e mail with "WOOWWWW"....you know you're onto a winner eh what?

So i have been invited to "lunch with the Council!" next week, and in that same week i am meeting with the regional manager of the DWP to have more or less the same conversation. It's really rather bizarre to be fighting the DWP on 1 hand, an being right behind them on the other! As my gorgeous Sam will tell me, "it is what it is, make something from it".

My health i am managing although breathing has been a bit of problem of late yet i put that down to the stress and anxiety i have been feeling. I have been going back to basics and just sitting at times during the day in silence. Just for 10 minutes. Often we can be stressed without really knowing it.

Compliance interview tomorrow. It is no longer something i am stressing over too much. I've done nothing wrong, i can state my case and fight my corner if need be. For me it is entirely about having the right frame of mind. Easier said than done yet i achieve it having changed the way i navigate my problems. I used to sit and over analyse to a compulsive degree. Now i know that is what i will do so counteract it by stepping back and looking at things in the round. It was what i did when i ran into debt and sorted out a debt management plan. I stood back so it would not overwhelm me. When i did i could see the pathway out of those woods, clearly.

I am in the woods at the moment for sure, yet deep inside i know i can find my way out.

Whatever your day holds, enjoy what you can and manage what you can't.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (02-28-2017)
Unread 02-28-2017, 05:38 AM   #5196
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

Tryn, good luck with the meeting tomorrow, i know you will do fine and things will be sorted.

Its amazing the work you are doing these days. I hope you get paid for the work soon enough as well!

When do you next speak to Milan?

Love you xx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Alexis For This Useful Post:
Thank You (03-02-2017)
Unread 03-01-2017, 05:56 AM   #5197
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Good luck today my Little Brother. Let us know how it goes when you can.

And, oh, happy birthday eve!

Hugs and skritches from your Big Sis.
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (03-02-2017)
Unread 03-01-2017, 07:41 PM   #5198
lostdog
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,942
Default

good luck, you will do well, You are so smart it is amazing.
lostdog is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to lostdog For This Useful Post:
Thank You (03-02-2017)
Unread 03-02-2017, 04:52 AM   #5199
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Alexis, my wonderful Big Sis Nancy and my dearest Lost Dog, thank you.

I am not sure "success" is the right word however yesterday was a great success. Moi <<<< nervous?......i was trembling like a leaf. Arriving way to early, (45 minutes) and then the interview 15 minutes late was a terribly long hour.

The compliance officer was an avuncular fellow with a very bright waistcoat jacket, purple rimmed glasses, orange shoes and hair like a University Professor. He was obviously extremely experienced in trying to make people feel less anxious bearing in mind he is fraud. The fact he was sooo good at it, made me feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. I knew he was playing "good cop" at the moment, and i did not want to play games, and frankly wanted to get on with it. I stopped him, which he tried not to allow, and i simply said,

"look mate. I am too old and too tired for this nonsense. Tell me what you got, ask your questions, and i will answer them. Ok?"

There was a brief, hmmmm, i would say 2-3 seconds when i just looked straight into his eyes. He knew what this was about and i didn't. Time to sort it out.

He sat down and the whole atmosphere changed. He turned his computer screen so we could both see it, and seriously was looking for what i was actually here for. There were 2 issues. I have done voluntary work for a lot of my life. I have worked for organisations, some of them great big ones. They register you as a "bank employee". That means when they want you they call you. I had a title. I was an Independent Consultant. Had i been paid i would have attracted a wapping salary. (£57.000 per year), so the Inland Revenue, (the tax people) had me down as an Independent Consultant for a huge organisation, (actually a Government organisation) employee from 2013-2015.....so where's the dosh?

The blood drained out of me......and i sort of started kicking off a little bit. I was remonstrating that i didn't ever receive a penny. I even had to buy my own ****king lunch. When i get going i speak very quickly indeed and all the while this "snazzy fellow" had his hand waiting for me to finish. I recognised it was nonthreatening so i stopped to hear what he was going to say next.

"Weee knnnoowwww!"

"What? What the **** are you talking about?"

"Well........the tax people think you've earnt lots of money, they have passed you over to us because even if you have earnt just a little money, you would not have been entitled to the benefits for those 2 years at least".....

"WHAT??? Look...take my ****ing phone.....RING THEM!"

"Errrrr....Mr Tryn.......we have"

"Oh right.....AND??"

"Well if you will let me get a word in edge-ways, i can show you."

He clicked something on the computer and up came a letter from this billion pound organisation, their accounts department which stated, "we paid him no monies at all".

"We believe you Mr Tryn!"

Well.....i didn't know what to say. I mean if you knew this shit, why put me through all this?

"You said there were 2 issues. What's the 2nd?"

He smiled, not arrogantly, not patronisingly, almost as if he was looking forward to it.

He turned the computer round, switched it off and simply said,

"I would to talk about your health".

"Shoot".

"Where would you say you were at the moment with your health?"

What a ****ing question.

I thought because we had just been talking about the work i used to do for this organisation, it was directly linked to my illnesses as to why i did it. I told him what i was trying to achieve at the moment with the DWP, the community and whatnot, DESPITE my conditions.....a HUGMONGOUS risk to share with a fraud officer when i am not supposed to be "fit for work". So i gave him a 30 minute bio. Her never said a word.

I could have been hanging myself.

I finished only by recognising i must have been talking for a long time and he was not responding. I stopped myself and only then really saw his demeanor. A brief pause, he seemed to be collecting his thoughts, and he simply shook his head.

Ohhhhh shit i thought, he looked at me, reached out his hand to shake mine, and when i shook it, he placed his other on top and said he didn't know what to say. He sat back down, and said...

"Right. I am more than happy with this interview and we are satisfied from our perspective that you are getting the benefits you are entitled to and i just need a signature here, here....and here."

"Is that it?"

"Yes Mr Tryn, that's it. Only to say i wish you good luck with your assessment on Friday. I also wish you luck with the work you are doing in the community"

THAT.....was amazing for him to say that.

My dear brothers and sisters.....result.

1 down...2 to go.

If i may just explain why i chose not to be paid.

I was seen as an example. My history ridiculous and proven. I could be believed. I represented what could be achieved with abstinence and many more things besides.

I was not abstinent, far from it. I struggled alone. It did not matter to me. I only needed a platform to change it for others.

I did not lie perse. No one ever asked me if i was using, because i was a master at hiding it and controlling it for when i needed to. When it did eventually happen, the first time i was asked, i did not deny it.

The thing is in my heart i felt a liar. My conscience allowed me to "keep on being a liar" to change the lives of others, i could not benefit from it though. I would not have taken money unless i was abstinent myself. That's why.

Now it is different. Now i can really look to start earning money. This family has shown what honesty looks like. In the end you know, it came down to being honest with myself.

I do not regret not earning all that money. I was learning, i was growing, how to find my goal of abstinence. A day at a time now i feel it is my life now. Where once "not drinking for a day" was totally out of the norm, now a drink, a ciggy would be totally off the wall.

Now, not only do i believe i can do good, yet i am good. I'm a good boy these days.

I feel real. I have many health hurdles, yet i'm here ain't i? My life is only going to get better, whatever happens with assessments and whatnot. Watch.

So this morning my children have come out of the woodwork to wish the ole fella a happy birthday. I heard from Schnoorr, (Nora), THAT was proper lovely. I have booked dear ole Rolo into for an MOT next week at the vets and groomers......(he won't be talking with me for a while!).....and the thing that has made my birthday?.....

Our dearest Lost Dog being in that old peoples home yesterday and shaking that old mans hand.

Made my day.

Assessment tomorrow....WOOOOO HOOOO!!

Have a quite splendid day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-02-2017, 04:59 AM   #5200
Alexis
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,724
Default

wow Tryn, you got a good man there, thank fully! And i am so pleased it is sorted out.

Good luck tomorrow at the assessment. It will be fine, you know your stuff, you arent 'faking'... etc

oh and of course, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! Wish i could pop round with tea and cake! Have a wonderful happy day.

I love you millions xxx
Alexis is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:29 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2014 Addiction Survivors