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Unread 01-19-2017, 02:05 PM   #5051
Millie
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Hugs, Tryn.
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Unread 01-19-2017, 11:53 PM   #5052
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Tryn you amaze me and bring me to tears of joy.
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Unread 01-20-2017, 12:25 PM   #5053
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest sister Alexis, my dearest sister Millie, and my brother and mentor my dearest Saint, it is you that made.... and continue to make me.

It is 4.57pm in my dear ole Blighty and on the BBC we are getting the rendition of "America....America".....how empowering, how America has empowered this sometimes huge, and sometimes tiny global world. A super power......no doubt....a super enabler?....

I think so. On balance.

I know we do not do politics, and it is a good thing, yet sometimes something so enormous, so "global changing" is what....actually.....mankind is all about.

We live in a world were results, (payments by results?)....need to happen yesterday. We live in a world where we consider "change" ....should already have happened. We clutch at straws for that change, just....like....an addict.

Change takes community...takes togetherness.....Re "community"....Re "communication". Change takes time. Keep lines open to do that...the ONLY way forward.

As an English Gentle...man...in my dear ole Blighty.....i hope the **** you know what you have let yourself in for. I hope the **** you know what you are doing. I hope that Donald "tweet" does not only do you proud, yet the world that relys on Americas values and influence will still be there.... and as Churchill once said, "democracy is the worst form of Government.....apart from all the others".

And so it is my dear brothers and sisters.

This....is what democracy looks like.

IF......a big if......you want Tryn to make America a "BRAND"...rather than the citizens of America.....give me a shout.

I know my words will be read by those that will "high five" what i have said, i know there will be those that will feel i firstly have no right to an opinion on a Country i have no influence over, yet happen to adore those that make it what it is, and secondly.....what do i know anyway?

Economy...welfare......oh goodness me, there is no point starting this apathetic journey into "what have you done??"....the "descriptors" behind what drives anything anywhere?

Rolo's paws are crossed, my fingers and toes are crossed. Now we have all "got" this is really happening, the time to join together is now.

Having said that...if you are having a party tonight, forgive me....explain why....if you are not....i know why.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-20-2017, 12:57 PM   #5054
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Tryn i get you. Its happened we now must find a way to live with it.

I hope our Millie is ok, i know it is affecting her a lot

Love you Tryn xx
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Unread 01-20-2017, 01:30 PM   #5055
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It's ok, I am hoping it all works out. We did an election and that's the way the cards flopped. So we will see.
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Unread 01-22-2017, 04:25 AM   #5056
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Hello there from Italy to Bristol,

I'm not going to chip in about UK social services or Trump, as I will just rant and rave.

But I would like to ask...how are YOU today?

I was clearing my wardrobe out and I found an old postcard signed by Nick Parks (creator of Wallace & Gromit). I visited the Aardman studios in Bristol when I was a kid. Who else do I know from Bristol? You! So I thought of you and here I am, writing on your beautiful wall....

What news hath thee?
Hugs to you and chicken treats to Rolo
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Unread 01-22-2017, 08:12 AM   #5057
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How are you today? Your special day. Im thinking of you, Rolo and your great man.

Love you Tryn xx
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Unread 01-23-2017, 05:46 AM   #5058
Tryntryagain
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Alexis, dearest Lost Dog and dearest Soapdish, thank you.

I have had a couple of difficult days, i seem to get 1 infection after another at this time. My dear Big Sis Nancy asking me how i got on with the alkaline practitioner. I have to say im a bit confused with the whole thing, i have been sent recipes and menus and whatnot, yet i am struggling with understand the PH element and diet. My darling Big Sis, i'll get there.

Dear Alexis, the Great Mans day which i am so touched you remember has changed some over the last few months. I think my dear ole Rolo has helped me with that. His pic "here"......yet not on show. I couldn't. I just couldn't. Every now and again, i would pluck up the courage and look at him. Each time i would not be able to handle it.

Such is my experience i knew that a time would come along where i would be able to look at him, and smile. Now i can.

Folk say "ohh....these things take time".........how many of us truly give ourselves the time we need for change? When my brother Saint and R Lee kept suggesting i "kept it simple".....that i took 1 day at a time.......so i have found the time i needed for change in doing so.

I sit here on a freezing dear ole Blighty Monday morning, and yes it is impossible for me not to have regrets. My heart so strong and my body now so weak, and i know why. I am the first person to share that "what ifs"......are not as helpful; as "what now?".....yet we are all human.

at 12/13/14 years old i was already smoking bongs, chillums and smoked spliffs like cigarettes. Now i am nearly 51....my lungs don't work, my arteries as full as a dirty drain putting a great deal of stress on my heart.

From 13 onwards i was injecting drugs into various parts of my body. Now my veins are ****ed with all manner of associated problems.

And of course from 8, drinking. That has seen to most of my internal organs. It meant i did not eat for 35 years, all i did was put drugs into my body.

I can not complain. Most who have had that journey are dead, the ones left alive wishing they were. A zillion interventions fell on deaf ears.......then i found you all.

I feel a.b.s.o.l.u.t.e.l.y dreadful this morning.....yet you know what?.....for those that have gone before me, for those wishing they had never been born, i have right to say that, yet it could not be further from my mind.

Through this familys love i have learnt about acceptance. As my gorgeous Sam will tell you...."it is what it is.....deal with it"......and so i bloody well do. I love my life. I love life. I regret what i have done yet i take full responsibility for my actions. For decades i thought that would make my journey harder. It did not make it easy for sure....yet it made my life possible. If my words mean anything to those who read, for goodness sake, think of Tryn now at 51, full of life, full of learning, so much to give and seriously limited due to my use. It does not get any simpler than that.

So with positivity in mind i have rather wonderful news.

I was unable to make a "health creation" meeting the other week as i was unwell. The chap who is driving this forward met with me at home on Friday to feedback the meeting and to ask for my involvement. The upshot of it is, (which may horrify our dear Alexis!), is that i am to meet the area head of the DWP. Department for Work and Pensions. They are the Government agency that deals with unemployment, sickness and the like. 10's of Billions of pounds a year. There is a HUGE gap between the agency and their claimants. I have already given presentations to the DWP to encourage them to create peer > peer support groups within their structure. I shared with this fellow what that would look like, he nearly fell of his chair, and communicated to me that i "had to meet this woman" as apparently she is all for change and all for service user participation. So health allowing i am going to a "reach" meeting tomorrow afternoon at 1pm. If i can just manage my health, this will be, make no mistake, my pathway back into paid work and more importantly a role inwhich i truly believe i could make a difference.

Physically feeling the way i do today......do you get my regret now?

I am sooo positive. I have so much energy in my spirit, in my soul and in my heart. I do hope this alkaline practitioner can explain a few things to me and that i can benefit the health side of things. The thought of NHS treatment if you read any of our newspapers leaves one in no doubt that being admitted is fully paid up...darn right dangerous. What a mess it is in. (2 quick storys running last week.......someone is taken down to theatre for their scheduled surgery, surgery finishes and their bed has been taken whilst in surgery.....and a women brought in by ambulance died on a trolly after waiting 35 hours for a bed.)......pop yourself down to A+E Tryn...........Errmmm.....not on your nelly!

So well being now for me relys on the nutritional pathway i am learning about and the most important thing for me, and for any of us, is wearing the right head on top of your shoulders. I see my head as a "lighthouse" to aid me on my way. Not a pool of regrets and confusion.

What my eyes will see, is what my heart is looking at.

Dear Alexis wrap up warm, and that may indeed be the case of our Italian sister Soapdish as Europe has gone very cold on very many levels.

Just before i go, i want to share how much Soapdish melted my heart and my dear R Lee's with her beautiful sharing of "choosing Pringles instead!". Think through that first drink reached you just at the right time. Goodness me, if there needs to be a definition of this family.....that is it.

Have a wonderful, wonderful Monday.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-23-2017, 06:50 AM   #5059
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Hi my Little Brother, wow, what an opportunity!! I'm really proud of you for making a statement, and being able to get somewhere with it. Hopefully she will be very receptive and listen carefully and HEAR what you are saying.

Regarding the Alkaline Practitioner, does she know what medications you are taking? Please be careful of that - there are foods/supplements that can interfere with medications. If you have any questions, maybe you can ask the pharmacist if something seems amiss. As for the infections, are you taking any antibiotics or something for those? Not sure how much diet can help an infection.

I can't wait to hear the outcome of the meeting. But more than that, I hope you feel start feeling better - sounds trite but I mean it will all of my heart.

Hugs across the ocean Little Brother.

Your Big Sis
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Unread 01-23-2017, 02:46 PM   #5060
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Hey Andy!

I am SO delighted by your news, your employment dealio.

Yet Tryin'? It is so much more than an "employment deal," right? Damn right it is.

Should it come to pass, and we all know how "those" things work, or don't work, having NOTHING to do with...NOTHING!

Fate can be a cruel master, I suppose. Or a benevolent sweetheart. This life, what a journey!

Any case, should it come to pass, I will feel, as I would always feel, such a keen delight for you. Proud of you, that's also true.

However. More than that, I will also recognize just how fortunate the people in that DWP Program are to share your knowledge. kindness...and art. And that? Just for starters!

What a win-win (is that passé yet? ha!) for everyone.

It will, so I believe, work out the way it's s'posed to work out. Oh Andy, however it does, I hope you are pleased...no, I hope you're happy about it, the results of it.

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Unread 01-23-2017, 05:10 PM   #5061
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Tryn this all sounds great!! Pleased you can and will make a difference!! You inspire me to keep going. Love you xx
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Unread 01-23-2017, 06:48 PM   #5062
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You are amazing!
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Unread 01-23-2017, 10:14 PM   #5063
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Congratulations Tryn. You deserve the best. No one should have had to live your life experiences as a child. You abused your body trying to block out life as it was dealt you.
Me I grew up in a middle class household with parents who did not drink. I could never be the man you are. Life is not fair & never will be. We just deal with it. Today we are just men in recovery & that can not be beat.
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Unread 01-24-2017, 02:41 AM   #5064
soapdish
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Old path strewn with red,
Now fragrant fields filled with green.

You are an inspiration Tryn.
I was moved reading your post. You were a child and you did not deserve what happened to you. If I could travel back in time, I would take you into my arms and cherish, love and protect you.

I am delighted by your news about the DWP...really great, super, fantastic and wonderful!

Forza!

The evening birds join together in return.

Ok enough soppiness and poetry for now.
Made up fer yer mate
Write soon
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Unread 01-24-2017, 12:12 PM   #5065
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How are things today Tryn ? Bloody cold isnt it!! x
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Unread 01-24-2017, 01:21 PM   #5066
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

I made the meeting, it went well and there will be plenty of time to share that journey with you.

However, so touched have i been by your letters, at first i simply did not know what to say.

Nancy, Sam, Alexis, Lost Dog and R Lee, i am an extension of you all.

I joined this family burning white hot with resentment and rage, essentially.."going down in flames". I headed to my doom headlong into this family with everything i do got.

The creation of Nancy and the Mothership means there were lifeboats out there to clamber into.....still not out of danger, yet safe for a while.....something to build on, thoughts to collect, and a heart to find.

I am stunned as i am humbled by R Lee's letter, as it almost invokes my anger that he, and you all simply do not "get"....do not see, together we created me.

I have been trying not to die all my life in one way or another. That's the deal.....that's it...nothing more, hopefully nothing less. Drinking alcohol was a "given". Life?.......don't make me ****ing laugh.

I reckon if the truth be told i tried to pick a fight with just about everyone in the early days. Re "picking a fight"....Tryns record;

Fights 1000
Wins 0
Losses 1000
KO's 1000

......nothing to brag about eh? (I did try though. Just no good at it)

Sope........whist i was going down in flames the narrative wasn't right. I mean for goodness sake i tell Saint and R Lee they are full of shit....sit back...and wait......oh yes.

"Keep it simple. Think through the first drink. You can do this. We have been where you are. We love you".

WTF? Huh?

Something is terribly wrong here i thought.

That thought....that thought alone, was my first step on this journey. It has taken me years of learning now. If i learn 100 things a day, this family provides 99 of them. Always has, always does and always will.

I owe this family....not just addiction survivors, all of you individually, my life, my soul and my heart. When i poured myself through this familys door, i was about to lose my life, and i had already lost the other 2.

My dear brothers and sisters i have wondered what it is Angles actually are supposed to do. I mean they play harps and whatnot and have wings, never see them fly anywhere do you? So i am guessing that when Angels are "at work"...they all have caseloads of souls and hearts to save. Each one of you on my journey has lifted me up. Each of you have gifts the others celebrate. Nowhere on this planet will you find a daily gathering of love, understanding and positive energy than this place here.

Each one of you is an Angel to me. All i am i owe to you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-24-2017, 03:39 PM   #5067
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Tryn, you're lovely. Just lovely. Thanks for everything you bring to this group, and to the world. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have stuck around here. Thanks for your post(s), and for being you.
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Unread 01-24-2017, 07:54 PM   #5068
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I believe in Angels and you are one of them.
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Unread 01-27-2017, 09:08 AM   #5069
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dearest Millie and dearest Lost Dog, what kind things to say and share. Life has ultimately been good to me in that I am here today, sober and calm. The fact I am is because of this family. I know we all perceive things in a different way, and this family will mean different things to different folk. Our combined experiences do not "trickle down", they cascade through us like hope just being born.

For me that is what this family has given me. Hope.

So powerful, so enigmatic is hope, I doubt there is a greater gift to give.

It is therefore so incumbent within me to share my hope. I know I am not the only person to be suffering ill health due to my addictions, yet I never want that to define me....be me. To hold that view is my reward for accepting the consequences of what on earth I have done to myself during my journey.

I have written for a few days as I had to be popped into the hospital for some iv anti-biotics as the infection I had, kinda "ballooned" out of control and I had a bit of a dodgy temperature. Back at home now with my dear ole Rolo, a bit wibbly, yet safe, warm and full of love.

So a gentle weekend ahead. It has been a bitterly cold spell in my dear ole Blighty which inspired me to right to the DWP woman that I am to have meetings with. I told her a metaphorical story about 2 single mums called Ethel and Mildred...with children on Govt benefits, who lived next door to each other. Within the story I incorporated the reality of the biting cold on a low income, yet at the same time communicated the dependence on the state by way of writing a "conversation" these 2 ladys had on their doorstep in the morning.

I was trying to get a message across of "where I was going to be coming from", using a weather event that gave me the opportunity to put it in real time, and the response I got was unexpected.

She me asked me if it was ok to "share this e mail", as "this is what I am trying to communicate to our partners that I struggle to get across."

I put this down to a "good start". That e mail will find its way to many agencys now.

Please.......please.....whatever powers, higher or otherwise that be......please let my health hold to do this.

I've "got this". I am all over it. They know it, and the wheels are in motion....it takes time. (2-3 months) to have a series of meetings...each meeting moving closer and closer to those that can "change the game". "Safer and Stronger Communitys" with a huge budget, along with the DWP....a listening DWP, gosh change will be a given. Asset mapping....a change of attitude, swinging that ole ship around.....not reverse....just a new course. Why wouldn't I want to get up in the morning and be well?

It is a massive fillip. Having something I am so passionate about, (apart from dear ole Rolo!)...drives me forward with each step. Sobriety always with its arm around me.

Talking of the ole fella, we had a really touching moment this morning. Unbeknown to me, during the night the poor ole chap had a dodgy tummy and had an accident. All....over.....the living room. When I woke, the first thing I do is look over to Rolo. He wasn't there. Nowhere in my bedroom.

"Where is he?"....

I got up and hobbled into the living room, there he was....lying prostrate on the sofa.

"Gooooodddddd mooooorrrrnnniiinngggg my bibbly bubbly boy....how are chew?".......

His ears laid back......his head turning away, and then I saw it and went...."Ahhhh Haaa! I see.....Eeeeewww.

The poor ole fella. He didn't want to poo in his home. It was runny poo, funny tum, I felt awful for him. So as the placate his fear, I cleaned up the poo......and he slunk away and "hid" under the computer table. I cleaned it all up, then sat down at his level and called him to me.

Now the ole fella is not the worlds finest "hugger". So he walks head bowed like a condemned person, ever so slowly towards me. All the time I am talking gently and "don't feel so bad about it, get over yourself". When he eventually got to me, he sat...head bowed, and I put my hand under his chin, lifted it up so he was looking at me....and he buried his head in my chest for a HUGE cuddled. We stayed like that for I would say 2 minutes. I just held him and rocked back and forth like "there ,there".

We are so much closer today. The ole fella now on both my feet.

I think me being away in hospital and whatnot, him having to go into Police kennels, (the Police were FANTASTIC), was a bit much for the chap.

All good now.

I have kept up with you all. Dearest Alexis back from London, Sam, how your life effects me, our dear Lost Dog with her new calf, the crazy blowing the shed down wind situation, our dear Millie "gigging her way around the US.....HEY!"......I am always there. Even if I can not write to you all, you are all with me every day and every bit as much as my team mate Rolo.

So my dear brothers and sisters, Tryn missed a trick as in I did not find a way of getting on our Prime Ministers plane that landed in Philly earlier on.

Godddddd......dang!

Next time. (I wonder if my Bermuda shorts would give me away along with the cowboy hat in my right hand. "I am a travel journalist?")

Have a wonderful day. Writing to you all means mine already is.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-27-2017, 01:06 PM   #5070
Sam Bailey
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Hey Andy!

So pleased that you're on the mend again. That fever of yours, must've been a damned high temperature! To warrant going to hospital, I mean. Well, I'm thankful they took good care of you.

Your story about Rolo's "accident," and your reaction to him, well---it's just the best. Measure a man by how "he" treats an animal... I think I'm quoting (mis-quoting?) someone. Don't know, but so what? It's the truth.

Your kindness given to Rolo, your kindness and, more important, your love---tells me, so clearly, what a decent human person you are!

best to you, friend!

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Unread 01-27-2017, 02:06 PM   #5071
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Aww such sweetness with Rolo. My first and beloved dog did that once and I just know it is so hard on a trained animal who adores his owner to have an accident. I'm glad he's better, well he has you....so I know it will work out. Also, you are busy and ill and doing so much. I'm glad you're better too. So happy! Take care please.
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Unread 01-27-2017, 03:03 PM   #5072
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Great story about the love between & Rolo. Poor dog loves you so much. You sound in a great frame of mind Tryn. Without sobriety we have nothing. I never want to go back there so keep sharing so I stay on my toes ever vigilant.
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Unread 01-28-2017, 07:31 AM   #5073
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Hi My Little Brother, how are you feeling today? I'm so glad that you're ok. And that Rolo is there with you. That's really interesting that the police have a place that they were able to take care of him for you. Moreover, I'm glad you both were taken care of.

It's also very fabulous that your email will be passed along by the DWP lady. Wow! I hope it doesn't fall on deaf ears / blind eyes

As always, sending hugs to you and pats to Rolo,

Your Big Sis
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Unread 01-28-2017, 11:09 AM   #5074
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

I have so much to share today, and i quickly want to share before i address the beautiful letters i have had, that my dear brothers and sisters?.....my fingers are now "A ok". This morning on a bright and blustery day in my dear ole Blighty i have spent almost 3 hours playing my piano. Ohhh.....it was so wonderful. It was soooo relaxing. Where i once saw my gift as nothing other than a tool to show off, now it is merely an extension of my heart that i can paint pictures with sound. My faithful ole Joanna is no longer a "piano", she is indeed a therapist for me. This therapist i really can say....anything to. The gift?.....is knowing through playing the piano..... that all the answers i look for, are within me.

My gorgeous Sam, it takes little effort for me to see through your eyes. Your Ruby, your understanding of the link of love between such special, special beings. I owe Rolo so very much, i feel for all his insecurity's... the poor fella being dumped like that. I celebrate his skills in adapting and still so loving all along the way. I feel privileged that i have the honour to share his journey, to be able to keep him safe, well and warm in our own little home, as near to a dream come true as i could ever have had. Thank you for sharing your love around our beautys in the way you do my dear Sam.

My dearest Lost Dog. I have learnt alot about you in the last handful of letters you have written in your place. The new calf, the environment of where you are, where you live. In just a couple of letters i have been able join so many dots as i have always wondered how you became so very special. Knowing your environment is not, helps me understand a little bit more why. How you describe the calf and the herd, and your love around that, reminds me of a certain Mr Sam, such is the love you both instinctively have within you. The gift of knowing you has meant i know that love exists in all you do. If only you took a smidgen of it for yourself. You deserve that.

Oh gosh...my dear, dear R Lee. I can never disguise it. The purity of your heart is only matched by the purity of your intentions. Your actions speak for themselves.

Those actions have folk on the end of them. I am one of very many who have hung onto your words in times of crisis. I am one of many that grudgingly heard them with sweat soaking me. I am one of the very many who therefore came through the crisis of alcoholism to accept it as a part of me.......and yet the love did not stop there. I became sober...then ****ed up...then sober....then ****ed up...on...and on....and on.

Not "each time" my dear R Lee, yet ALL THE TIME....all through that, and my journey, you were there. Solid as a rock. Folk may mistake both my dear brother Saint and yourself of just giving the same message. I disagree on the grounds of experience. At different stages on my journey with you, you have given me different guidance, reinforced with the message we must all get to move on, depending on where i have been at.

I am now sober. I now get it. I now want to be sober as opposed to my confusion previously. Once i knew i did, it made things a whole load easier. At that time, when i was ready for change, you were right there. On my wing. Taking as much fear out of change as you could.

So my dear, dear R Lee, i have referred to you as many things, yet my sober me now sees you as it should in reality. I love you as much as i ever loved my Great Man. For me, i found 2. Thank you.

My dear Big Sis, having read what i just have to some of my brothers and sisters, that you and Mothership have created this love mayhem, never mind how do i feel......how do you feel!?

Surely i speak for all the family in being speechless in thanks for creating this amazing family, this incredible environment of journey and change for so many. For providing a platform for those that find verbal communication hard to come by, yet written words a freedom that belongs to this family.

My dear Nancy, in sport they say "if the referee has not been talked about, he/she has done a good job".

Thank you for keeping this family safe. The role of moderating.....a "whoosh".....over the top of our heads thing.....we just expect to be safe. Thank you.

Re the dear ole fella and the rozzers, they don't have kennels to take in dogs. They obviously have kennels, just not for our pooches. Now the rozzers, (in the new place that is being built around me), have a brand spanking...top of the range... new....£200 million worth's of "Police" station that is frankly enormous. (It is the new headquarters for...blah, blah)....it happens to be very close to me. Apparently a "few factors" came together.

Namely, they "could if it is not for long"...just down the road...otherwise it is down the RSPCA route which will take time and man/women power.....hmmm....what to do? The final factor was that the dear ole fella took to them, and they took to him. I thunk that is wot swung it. I found this all out after the events! The rozzer that dropped him back said he "loved the butterflies all over my walls". Rozzers have hearts to you know!

My Big Sis the DWP stuff IS the way forward. I need to take this perhaps as a last opportunity to make a difference, to give what i know, draw on my experience...and experiences.....and all your little brother's stops are out, my engines are at the fullest power they have at this time, i know where i am going, and with you, and my brothers and sisters in this safe place, this gorgeous family, so i will always have many around me to help me on my way.

You did that.

When i write to you all, it is important for me to qualify why i say the things i do, why i express things in the way i do. Have i lost my mind?...do i still secretly use as i do not ever say how long i have been sober? I "famously" do not count days. I have written often how i do not find that helpful and why.

However my dear brothers and sisters, i am indeed human and i know EXACTLY how long i have been sober. Free of cannabis, and free of smoking.

I therefore feel rather embarrassed to expose my sobriety as i always thought counting days was infact a "countdown" to the next drink. I also banged on about how days, months, years if lucky, and thinking....."so what?"......

So with my hand over my mouth.......and with a cough trying to mask it....(i'm embarrassed for ****s sake!....where's your compassion!), i was infact sober 7 months yesterday.

I am proud as punch. (Don't tell the family).

It is a quite beautiful afternoon now in my dear ole Blighty. The ole fella needs a boot up the backside to get him oorrrfff myyyy sooofffaaa.....and out into the fresh air. The boy needs to keep those ole bones working.

Have a quite splendid day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-28-2017, 12:22 PM   #5075
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Thank you Tryn. Congratulations on 7 months sober. You now show how it can be done.
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Unread 01-28-2017, 01:55 PM   #5076
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Hey Andy,

Dude! As my beautiful son might say. Dude! 7 months is effing terrific! Excellent.

A good, good man---that's what you are, Tryn'. A good and decent and loving and lovable human man!

sam
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Unread 01-28-2017, 09:51 PM   #5077
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Comgrats congratulations and you're terrific!
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Unread 01-29-2017, 06:43 AM   #5078
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Congratulations my little brother!

Awwww, that's very touching that the police took to Rolo and vice versa. Sounds like he was in the best of care, next to you, that is. As for the DWP, you have already made a difference with that email. And you've made a big difference here, just by being you.

Many hugs from your very proud big sis.
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Unread 01-29-2017, 07:47 AM   #5079
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Amazing Tryn, you amaze me every day with your strength and courage xx
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Unread 01-30-2017, 06:12 AM   #5080
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Brilliant re: 7 months. You're doing so well and your letters always inspire me to stay strong and vigilant too. Thank you Tryn and have a lovely week.
Big hugs
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Unread 01-30-2017, 06:26 AM   #5081
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My dear, dear R Lee, my gorgeous Sam, my dearest Lost Dog, my dear Big Sis and my dearest Alexis, how grateful i am to share your journeys and how so terribly grateful i am, that you share mine.

My times have changed with my dear Milan from Tuesdays 8.30-9.30am to Mondays at the same time. It works better for my dear Milan. Consequently i have not long finished my session, and to say i adore the fellow would be an understatement. Our chemistry is such that we can do so much work in short intervals of time. I obviously shared this new journey that will hopefully flourish with the DWP and i shared with him that i wanted to go to my challenges and not wait for them to come to me. I said that how ever uncertain my future, so i can still influence pathways and create roles for myself if need be. To be able to help others to help myself i feel deep inside, is what i am all about.

Dear Milan fed back to me that since my sobriety had bedded in, he felt a vitality and an energy from me that added up to a strength he believes will see me win out in the end. He shared that while i was waffling on trying to describe what everything could look like, justifying my choices and following them through to a perceived conclusion, he never felt a need to stop me and interrupt. He felt all my intentions and efforts plausible, realistic, achievable and well thought out.

There are for sure, like every single one of my amazing brothers and sisters here, challenges infront of me, and all the way to the horizon. Milan praised me in having the emotional agility to step back and assimilate every avenue around me. Hence he has filled me with purpose, confidence, honesty, and reassured me that my chosen pathways will serve me well.

So we finish and i pop online to share with you all.....and my, my....soooo much going on for us all in this family.

Our dearest Millie, unbeknownst to her, held my hand this morning. Her description of where she is in her cabin, the ravens distant echoing through the woods and straight into her soul. Her short story she almost enjoys not having any confidence about! and everything i have that still works is crossed that she may progress to the 2nd round.

Our dearest Alexis whose life seems unrecognisable from that of just a few months ago. Her growth inside, her courage in battling on.........i can tell my dear brothers and sisters in the Big place, there is no fun whatsoever to be had for a single woman to travel on a train to a major city late at night.

As i know her meager income, to invest in herself for a diet, for well being, is huge. I am just so massively proud of her.

My gorgeous Sam.....gosh!.....You know when i just write, "my gorgeous Sam", i physically laugh sitting here in my dear ole Blighty. The swirl of energy's that the fellow possesses is astonishing. A history wrapped up in constant challenge lived by a man wrapped up in love.

Our dearest Lost Dog at times i struggle to find the right words for as if i just told it as it was, it might be misconstrued. Lets put it this way, if the planet was indeed flat, that Tryn was multi-millionaire i would charter a private jet, fly over to the big place, (im rich i don't need visas and whatnot)....and i would simply knock on her door, and give her the biggest hug she ever did have, so i would. That is what our dearest Lost Dog really needs you know....just old fashioned lovin' and sharin'.

I really could just go on and on. Im worried about my dear R Lee for example, (my business, my feelings), my thoughts are often with our dearest Susie. Where is our Secret Tiger?, Rockinsteady.....you see what i mean? I can always hear my brother Saint running, it gives me motivation....my American Mum Nan and the totally unique and beautiful Jenm.......so, so very much going on in this wonderful family.

You know what is "going on?".....Life....that's what.

Then there is our Nancy and the Mothership. How many times do any of us wonder how my Big Sis......actually is?

To view this family holistically is to understand an energy in the big scheme of things so powerful, so enabling, so beautiful that each and every one of us can do little else than be grateful that we are alive.

To be a part of this family is for me.....what "being alive" is all about.

My dear ole Blighty is chucking the weather at us at the moment with no respect whatsoever. Whilst i was out early doors with the dear ole fella i had occasion to shout out loud....."who ****ed off da weather!!" as the rain drove into my face. HOWEVER.....ever wanting to be the chap that thinks outside the box....this weather + Rolo = idea.

Ohhhh yes.

I have been thinking of doing a bit of decorating with the spring approaching. Hmmmm....not in good shape for all that sort of thing. So when Rolo comes back from a soaking wet walk....he shakes his various coats dry all over the living room.

>>>>> See where this is going?

Sope, i am going to buy paints.......put Rolo's collar on and hold it so he can't do nothing, cover him in paint......living room door open and primed......make sure he's really covered in it.......the LEG IT..........Out of the living room slam the door shut.....he will do the "soggy soggy shake".....and HEY PRESTO!!!!!.....1 newly painted living room.

Frankly, my obvious creative talents have surely been wasted so they have. I might do a "painting and decorating" service where all i need is my dog.

Ok....Tryns lost his mind!

How a wonderful, wonderful day.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 01-30-2017, 06:32 AM   #5082
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Good morning my Italian Sister! Dearest Soapdish........

Our letters crossed in cyber space. Your journey from the opther place is one of a few that truly breaks my heart. I see you, (forgive Tryn's imperialistic arrogance!)...as a dynamo. There are folk in this world that gain energy off others, and there are those that create their own energy. Like a little nuclear power station.

Whatever your chosen pathways may be on your journey, always know that because you can create your own energy, so you will do so for all those around you. It is a gift you have that will always underpin everything you are, and do.

I do not know how this forum achieves it to be fair, yet Soapdish?.....it just keeps attracting the brightest hearts and the bestest souls.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest Soapdish
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Unread 01-30-2017, 06:38 AM   #5083
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Hey Tryn, lovely letter, i read it with a hot cup of tea in my hands, warming myself up. Its freeeeezing here and has been raining but the sun is parting the clouds right now.

Thank you for saying you are proud of me. Makes me feel 10 feet tall!

I hope your day is wonderful and full of smiles.

Jackson says hello by the way xx
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Unread 01-30-2017, 06:44 AM   #5084
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My dearest Alexis, bright blessings to you.

Pride belongs to struggle. You know our brothers and sisters in the big place seem to run everywhere?.....the last mile, the last 500 yrds, the last 50 yrds....the last 5 ft. Really, really hurt.

Some stop at any of those points. You never do.

THAT is why not only am i proud "of" you, i am proud "for" you. I believe in you and i am proud to know you.

By the way.....what...dya reckon' dear Alexis for my new painting and decorting busibness?........

"Want to decorate?......Lazy and can't be bothered?...
Just put yer feet up annndddd....
Let Rolo do da Rollin'....."

Oh yeah!

I am going to be rich!

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest Alexis.
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Unread 01-30-2017, 06:51 AM   #5085
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<3

I think the decorating business is a real go'er! Lovely Rolo and his shaking fur. Yes i would like to purchase his services

xx
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Unread 01-31-2017, 04:58 PM   #5086
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That was the best letter and biggest compliment I have ever received in my life, no exaggeration! Thank you so so much Tryn. So beautiful. You're such a beautiful person.
Rolo Pollock ��
Xxxx

Last edited by soapdish; 01-31-2017 at 04:59 PM.. Reason: Added something.
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Unread 01-31-2017, 05:04 PM   #5087
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How are you tonight Tryn? xx
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Unread 01-31-2017, 09:16 PM   #5088
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Quick check in and hope you are doing well today. Another cow I have had a calf today. I haven't see him yet.
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Unread 02-01-2017, 04:36 AM   #5089
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My deart Alexis, dearest Soapdish and my dearest Lost Dog, thank you. Dear Lost Dog.....another one! How quite splendid. I just know how it touches your heart. I think it why you might have had a day of crying to other day. When our hearts are tuoched, sometimes we have little choice.

It is 9am in my dear ole Blighty. The storms are rolling in yet it is noticeably mild which i am grateful for. I have to say my dear brothers and sisters today is not a good day.

You know through my whole journey whatever has been wrong with me i have never, ever taken to my bed. I will always struggle on. Today, for the first time in my life, when i finish sharing with you all i am going back to bed. For a couple of months now i have been fighting a growing fatigue that is hard to define. I went to bed very early doors last night and it felt as if last night last forever such was the downstairs pain. This morning i properly struggled to give the ole fella his morning meander as breathing for some reason is tapering off quickly. I really am struggling for breath in all i do. My exhaustion i simply can not quantify.

So i shall take to my bed today and hope whatever this is passes which i am rather resigned to the fact that it won't inwhich case i might have no other option than to get into hospital. The very thought fills me with dread. Anyhew, we shall see.

Now my lovelinesses, it does not mean my heart is not full to bursting as it is Schmoo's birthday today. My health allowing, she shall be coming over this weekend with little Aaliyah to stay, yet i wanted to share something quite specific. Obviously i rang her early doors this morning on her way to work to sing happy birthday to her. (That was no easy task i can tell ya!) She said, "awww" told me she was on a packed bus so...."later".

All the kids are "proper" East Enders and have the accent to-boot. When they txt they do so in that accent.

Soooo 15 minutes after i sung her happy birthday i get txt, so sweet a txt to make stone melt, and she said.....

"I no u aint my reel dad, but youse ways bin dad to me. Always luv ya"

My dear brothers and sisters, this morning i could have been on my way to the execution chamber and her txt would still have made me smile.

So i feel incredibly lucky to share the journeys of the kids, (she's 34 for goodness sake...i still say..."kids")....i feel really, really angry i am really not in good shape today, and yes, i can't help a feeling of impending doom with this one. I have never....ever....not been able to keep moving. I have crawled at times on my way.....always keep going.

Not today. I just can't. This isn't right. My life has been so healthy lately in how i have been looking after myself. I just can not understand why i am feeling this way. Physically just moving around the house requires sitting down to breathe for a min. It's ridiculous. Downstairs, my abdomen is just like a ball of fire.

Thank goodness i share my home with dear ole Rolo. Tryn sure needs a hug today.

Asi said it is only 9am in my dear ole Blighty so if things improve today i will pop in and drop you all a letter. I am so grateful you are all here. My journey will never be lost in echo's.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 02-01-2017, 04:46 AM   #5090
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oh Tryn im so sorry you are in pain today. No shame in going back to bed for a while either! Enjoy your nap if you can, take Rolo with you, just make sure he doesnt lie on you!

I wish i could make it better for you Tryn. Always thinking about you xx
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Unread 02-01-2017, 06:23 AM   #5091
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Oh my Little Brother, as Alexis said, there's no shame in going back to bed for a while. Maybe it's just one of those days where your body wants more rest and needs to nap. Is the oxygen helping when you have a difficult time breathing? Please rest up and if you can, check in with us later on how you're feeling. Hopefully extra rest will do the trick so Schmoo can visit this weekend.

Sending big hugs to you and Rolo.

Your Big Sis
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Unread 02-01-2017, 10:55 AM   #5092
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Hey Andy!

Oh boy, how I wish you felt better. That "impending doom" feeling, that's especially disconcerting. I have felt that, to lesser or greater degrees, at various points in my life. Most often, I confess, it was dope-related.

But as I get older, and I begin to feel various aches and pains, odd ones that I've never before felt, my own alert system begins to fire. Just a few days past, has it been a week?, I was feeling particularly worn out. Not so recently, for which I am terribly grateful.

Point being, I, like you, I bet, have felt either immortal or disinterested in regards my health when I was a younger man. But these days, I do recognize that I am just NOT immortal. Some days I'm okay with that. It is, I know, the natural order of things. I DON'T understand why the hades "life" was set up that way...yet it was, so---it is what it is.

On that other hand, when I have felt un-well, as you feel so terribly un-well today, it is awfully difficult to...to find any kind of balance. Because hell, I feel so lousy.

Your current predicament, especially with your "downstairs" pain, causes, I'm sure, just that much more turmoil, emotional as well as physical.

Some time ago, I also had some internal issues that would cramp and, holy cripes!, hurt like hell! Not usually for a long period of time, but as it cramped, wow! it hurt---and I couldn't "get to it." I mean, with my knees, for example, I can at least massage them, or even pound on them, anything to re-route my current pain. But with internal issues, well one can't, can one?

All this babbling, Tryn', I know it does you no good. Other than, I hope, to tell you I care about you, about your pain, about your condition, and about whatever issues are causing it.

I so hope that you regain your balance, and soon! With that you will be able (again!) to think clearly.

Best to you, friend. Ruby asked me to send Rolo lots of sloppy kisses!

sam
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Unread 02-01-2017, 04:21 PM   #5093
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Tryn a BIG HUG is there for you with all my love too. I hope that helps. I'm sorry you feel so poor. It is very late in the evening where you live & no word from you. Again more HUGS!!
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Unread 02-01-2017, 04:41 PM   #5094
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Tryn,

I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. Please do check in, and please please go to the hospital if it gets worse. We love you.
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Unread 02-01-2017, 08:51 PM   #5095
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Wishing Tryn to get well. You will get better soon, I just know it. Take care. Please....
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Unread 02-01-2017, 09:06 PM   #5096
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Hello to you and Rolo -I hope you are both sleeping peacefully. I am so sorry, and so worried to hear of how poorly you are feeling. It sounds so horrible-my Tryn is not supposed to be in such pain. Use the oxygen so the breathing can be a bit easier. Stay in bed if that eases the discomfort. Take the pain medication so the pain will lessen. Maybe ask the dog lady to come and walk Rolo. I am sure she would be more than happy to help out that way. You are surrounded by all our love and hugs and cuddles.

Even though there is a big body of water between us I know you can feel it all. Get better, we need our Tryn, I need you Tryn. Sweet dreams to you and your buddy Rolo.

Love and lots of hugs from "mum"
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Unread 02-02-2017, 05:41 AM   #5097
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Good morning everyone. Bright blessings to you all.

My goodness such love and well being being wished on me from all my brothers and sisters, some near, some far.

My dearest Alexis, my dear Big Sister Nancy, my dear gorgeous Sam, my dear, dear R Lee, my dearest Millie, dearest Lost Dog and my American Mum Nan, you know sometimes for all of us our journeys can feel very solitary, very lonely and illness holds both those cards. So for you all to take out of your lives to send love is the biggest part of my life nowadays. This family means everything to me as you all prepared me for sobriety and to learn who i really was.

To have had a really rather violent and brutal journey to grow up with scars both physical and emotional, to be totally unaware of what i was about, expecting always to just keep dodging the blows and those i could not avoid having a tough skin to take what came my way, and look at me now.

If you had known me during my journey and had not seen me for say....15 years, and then "bumped into me"....you would never know you used to know me. You would not recognise me at all. So much change has occurred within me, never on my journey would i have ever believed where i am today. Whether i am right or wrong means little to me, i put my emergence, my growth down to learning and listening to my brothers and sisters when i was ready.

How i love you all, how i owe you so very much.

And so there is the reality of that journey that i now have to be strong with. I have to accept my responsibility for it otherwise it would be unmanageable. I really am really poorly at the moment. The last 48 hours have been the worst i can remember. So to that end...Tryn is next to furious this morning. I shall try to explain.

Such is the mess of our NHS getting a Dr's appointment is by no means a given. If you need to see a Dr in an emergency you have to wait till 8am, ring the Drs number and keep your fingers crossed as 100's are doing exactly the same thing. So i started ringing at 7.59am this morning, i rang and rang and rang....everytime.... engaged. I eventually got through at 8.27am to be told there were no appointments left......"sorry about that".....

"Oh this is ****ing ridiculous. I am ****ing fed up of this. Look...i'm in crisis here. I am in massive amounts of pain and i need to see a Dr today....P.L.E.E.E.Z.Z.Z.E.E!"

"Umm, Mr Tryn?......i am not sure what part of there are no appointments left you do not understand? My suggestion is if you really are that unwell is that you go to A+E."

"You think do ya? As you WILL be aware, A+E...THIS WEEK......are turning people away as they can not cope. If you have not seen your GP first they will not treat you unless you are in an immediate life threatening situation." (Ie being cut out of a car wreck etc)

"And your point Mr Tryn?"....

"My point being you are talking absolute shit, you know it, i know it, you are merely trying to get rid of me. I refuse. If i come up to the surgery and wait all day in the hope of seeing any Dr how does that work for you?"

"It doesn't Mr Tryn. THERE ARE NO APPOINTMENTS!! You will be asked to leave".

"Ok then.....1 last question. I can't get to see my Dr, i can't get to see any Dr, and A+E are likely to turn me away and even if they don't quite what will become of me is anyones guess. So you tell me, what is your advice that i do?"

"Mr Tryn i can make an appointment for you but it will not be until April which i am assuming is too far into the future for you so my only advice is just keep trying from 8am each day for a "on the day emergency appointment". It really is first come first served i am afraid. What i can do is take your number and if we get any cancellations today i shall ring and you can fill that spot. You will have to get here at very short notice though"

"Ok, thank you."

There are gales cracking through my dear ole Blighty this morning, we have had gusts of 80MPH and boy it is hard work for me out there. So it means a taxi. It costs £11 one way to get there and you know what?....i have got £12.50 left to my name. Needs must and all that, so if i get that call, (don't hold your breath) that's what i am going to do with my last 12 quid!

What a ****ing mess.

Do you remember my rich and posh friend with the swimming pool? Out of the clear blue sky recently he sent me a very strange e mail. Now this fellow does not drink or do drugs, never has, (he is 67) and for all y life that e mail was written by someone that was drunk. Now my dear Milan knows this chap quite well having trained with him to become a mediator/negotiator. I say "with him" the chap was actually the tutor. (He also taught me before i qualified.)

I wrote back to him and shared that "something was wrong" and that i was very concerned about him. I passed his e mail onto dear Milan, and on Tuesday morning we spent a bit of time talking about him. It transpires that he was indeed drunk, that pressures and stresses had gotten to him, exhaustion had done its worst.

Oh my goodness i said to Milan, i must go and see him and encourage him to seek help.

"Ummm, Tryn...." said Milan......."he's in hospital"

"DO WHAT!!! How on earth did he swing that?"....(thinking i might learn something)...

"Errr Tryn, he's rich....BUPA my friend"

Of course! Private health insurance.

You get an ingrowing toenail and you are whisked away to a private hospital that is more akin to a 5 star hotel with food menu's....oh....the whole 9 yrds....just 'cos you got money.

Jealous......<<<<moi? You're damn ****ing right i am. Not of the fellow, yet the ridiculous unfairness of it all. You know if i managed to get admitted, from my ward, i would be able to see the private hospital. The sickening consequences of a divided (and divisive) class structured capitalist system we live in means rich = lives....poor = dies. I think the one stat that really thumps the poor is that the very same consultant/surgeon that will operate on a private patient will be the very same consultant that will operate on me in the NHS. If he/she is "not available at the moment to operate on you".......he/she is busy over the road in the private hospital. Honestly you couldn't make this shit up.

Only our dearest Alexis will have experience of what i have shared this morning. I know this letter seems "unbelievable" yet as i said....you just could not make this up.

If you want to know from the big place......just google "queues to see GP's NHS" and A+E shut their doors and turn people away"....you will see i am most definitely in an unenviable position. I do not mind dying, what i object to is dying simply because i am poor. That properly ****s me off, so it does. My epitaph?....here lies Tryn....he was poor. ****ing w*****s.

Anyhew.......as my gorgeous Sam always shares with me, "it is what it is Andy...deal with it". My gorgeous Sam, all i can do at this time is manage this pain. Downstairs now needs almost immediate intervention. It is unbearable minute to minute. As i write to you it is a constant..."uh oh"....off to the bathroom....15 minutes of not much action yet plenty of "moaning type pain".....30 minutes lying on my bed after that in the foetal position hugging my tum, and it is playing havoc with my breathing.

Now to my darling Rolo. He knows. Unfortunately my dear Mum Nan, i can not ask the lovely dog lady to help me out here as it is her business and i simply do not have the money to pay her. She is extremely reasonable, only £8 per hour yet i need to save my £12.50 for a taxi should my luck be in. Nothing will stop me giving the ole fella what he needs, as i said yesterday i will crawl to take him out for his walks if need be. I get probably my Government pay, (which may be my last unless i win an appeal), and i shall put a little bit of this aside for Rolo as i feel next week i will need help more than ever. I simply can not see this latest problem "going away" anytime soon.

Ok....so i have had my rant, i think i am ranting so much because deep down Tryn is proper frightened now.

I know this family loves me, i feel it everyday. This is ultimately a forum for alcoholism and addiction. So please.....for those that read my words, that follow my journey, i know there is alot of you......look at me......****ing LOOK AT ME! Do you want this? If you are reading this and you are trying to give up drinking and drugging, if you are reading this and thinking, "it won't happen to me"....it ****ing will.....right here. Keep going....see what happens to you.

My experience of sobriety has been the most empowering feeling i have had in my life. It is, (life that is) as hard in sobriety as it is in drink. The are 2 BIG differences. The first is that you will have a best friend in your sober self, and secondly it won't ****ing kill ya. So if those 2 reasons are not enough....nothing ever will be.

So as my dearest Lost Dog shared that she knows "i will get well soon".....if it is possible my dearest Lost Dog, i will be. Tryn never gives up, never has, and never will.

If i could i would find a box big enough so i can pop all the love i have for you all and send it to you. My words will have to do.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 02-02-2017, 07:04 AM   #5098
NancyB
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Oh my Little Brother, I just want to give you the biggest hug ever. Hoping against hope that there's a cancellation today.

Your Big Sis
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Unread 02-02-2017, 07:20 AM   #5099
soapdish
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This is awful Tryn. I am so sorry for your pain and suffering.

I can only suggest a couple of alternative routes to get seen:

Walk in urgent care centre - my town near Liverpool has one. It's next to the A&E. It's open 365 days a year and you don't need an appointment. Can you find out if there is one near you?
there is one in Broadmead, if that is near.
http://brisdoc.co.uk/broadmead-medic...990.1486037493

GP out of hours. In all the country there are local out of hours GP. How to contact them should be on the GP surgery answer machine or you can call NHS 111 service.
http://brisdoc.co.uk/gp-out-of-hours...990.1486037493

NHS 111 - the 24 hour national helpline. A non-clinical person answers the phone and yes you have to go through the Spanish inquisition first. They then advise you what to do. Don't let them palm you off with 'go to A&E'. They can authorise a district nurse to be sent, or a home visit GP, and tell you if there is a walk-in clinic to go to. There are health professionals on the telephone you can talk to, if you ask for it! I have been through this service once when I was hemorraging and they eventually put me through to a doctor to speak to. After a few hours, a GP did come to the house to examine me. This was 4 or 5 years ago though.

The final thing is the actual GP again, you can insist on speaking to a healthcare practitioner on the phone. The secretary is obliged by law to let you speak to a nurse or doctor on the phone. The nurses and doctors have the power to decide who needs to be seen and who can wait. So you have to insist on being put through to speak to a healthcare professional, and not let non-clinical staff direct you away to A&E.

The situation here in Italy is even worse, believe me.
As for Bupa, they messed up my brother's eyes doing a routine cataract removal.

For Rolo, try calling the RSPCA and explaining. They can put you in touch with volunteer dog walkers in your area.

Please keep writing to us and letting us know how you are.
Sending you much love and gentle soothing hugs
xxxx
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Unread 02-02-2017, 07:40 AM   #5100
Alexis
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Some great suggestions from SD ! Yes the walk in centre HAVE to see you, you may have to wait a while but they will definitely get round to seeing you Tryn. Could you maybe get to one close to you??

Also yes try 111 - I have decent experience with them, when I was hallucinating badly one time I couldn't get a doctors appointment and I called and they eventually got an ambulance to me to take me to hospital

Again SD, great idea regarding looking for a dog walker. Could you go on 'borrow my doggy' website and register yourself on there. That's how I find dogs to walk, voluntarily...I'm sure you will get lots of people wanting to help out!!

Google around, there are lots of voluntary services you can look for

Regarding the state of the nhs ? Ugh don't even get me started. It took me 2 years to start therapy, I've been shipped to the other side of the country when sectioned because there were no beds in Manchester, I've been left around knives when in hospital for self harm...I've also had some incredible experiences - a nurse sitting with me all night when I wanted to kill myself, a young nurse stitching my cuts up and almost crying with empathy, the best therapist I could ever imagine helpin me in more ways than I can explain....hopefully soon you will be able to tell us YOUR positive experiences.

Lastly Tryn, stay strong. Your strength has got you this far. You are an incredible human being and one I am happy to call my friend, my family. We need you around and we need you to get better!

I love you so much xx
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