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Unread 02-09-2010, 06:13 PM   #151
Magda
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Hi,
This is a big step for you, and you should be proud of yourself. Anytime we admit to our loved ones that we are sick, it eases our burden and is beneficial to our emotional health.
I wish you the best during this transition in your life and am glad you utilize the support you find here.
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Unread 02-09-2010, 08:19 PM   #152
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Saint, The way you are accepting this divorce is a credit to you.

Telling your parents the truth about your drinking problem took some courage. There was an easy way out. You chose the other way. Stepping up to the plate & being honest. You will reap the benifts from this. In recovery we can not be a secret. Now you can move forward with your recovery. I wonder what your parents reaction was? Did they have any idea of your drinking problem?

Saint a lot of people in recovery count the days they have been sober. I count the quality of someones sobriety. They are the ones who I can learn from. They are the ones I want to be around. You are one of those people. You help me stay sober.
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Unread 02-10-2010, 09:02 AM   #153
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Magda,

Thank you for the kind words.

I'm still slighly amazed at how relieved, how at peace I feel now that I've told them of the drinking. To me there was no rational reason to tell them, I didn't feel I needed the mental support but it just felt wrong to not tell them. I'm now at ease because I did.

Thank you
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Unread 02-10-2010, 09:34 AM   #154
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Lee,

Thank you. Your words mean much to me. I recall thinking to myself a short time ago how it would be nice to have time sober like you. As rewarding as that will be I also realized I don't want to wish my life away.

Regarding my parents reaction. Well there was the obligatory moments of silence after I dropped that bomb on them..... : ) . I made light of the silence and mentioned now would be a good time for our meals to show up : ). Alcoholism runs on my mothers side of the family and she reminded me out of her concern. She mentioned she had no idea, my Father never said one way or the other. I told them how I felt ashamed of my drinking and admitting it to them and my Father surprised me. He said there's nothing to be ashamed of. "You know they say it's a disease nowadays". I smiled a little inwardly when I heard that. I told them I was talking to a counselor which I believe put them at ease. I was comfortable talking with them about the drinking so I think they realised I'm doing O.K. and getting the assistance I need.


You honor me with your kind words. I'll cherish them.

Regards
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Unread 02-10-2010, 06:53 PM   #155
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Dear Saint,

Wow- it sounds like you have been busy. I am glad that telling your family went as smoothly as it did- and yes, I smiled too by your Dad's remark - it seems sweet maybe he does not want you to torture yourself. They probably see that you are doing all that you can and while this has been a tough week at least things are amicable.

Thanks for updating and I hope that you continue to grow and progress.

Sending good thoughts your way, take care, Carly : )
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Unread 03-10-2010, 09:45 AM   #156
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Hi,

I finished reading the Carrie Fisher book "Wishful Drinking." She recalled someone saying 'most that find heaven first stood at the doorstep of hell'.

It made me recall an accident I was in when I was in my early 20's. It doesn't have anything to do with finding heaven although I almost made it there.

I had just dropped off my girlfriend at her house(my future wife and soon to be exwife), and a couple of miles later crashed my car into a tree. I was of course drunk at the time and not wearing my seatbelt. The laws of physics being what they are(a body in motion tends to stay in motion), I was propelled through the windshield. Because I wasn't going fast enough when I hit the tree only my head pierced the glass. When I rebounded back into the car the glass ripped open 82 stitches worth of neck.
I was within 1/16 of an inch of finding heaven(I like to think that's where I'll go).

The morals of the story:
Seat belt do work- If you wear them.
I had a new appreciation for how fragile life can be. I never drove under the influence again, well at least no more than a handful of times and only when I was much younger.

As alcoholics will do, I continued to drink.


Regards
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Unread 03-14-2010, 07:35 PM   #157
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Hi Saint,
I feel like I have not posted to you in forever! How is everything going? Are things still amicable?
I am glad you posted that quote from Carrie- I LOVE it as it rings so true !

I hope all is going well and cannot wait to read the book. Take care, Carly : )
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Unread 03-15-2010, 08:28 AM   #158
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Carly,

It has been too long....but in some ways that's good news for me. It means I'm not struggling with my disease. Other ways it's bad.... I miss out on your hard earned wisdom and insight, always right on the mark but said in a gentle, caring manner. You have a gift.

Yes the divorce is still amicable and I'm very thankful it is. The decision for my wife to end our marriage was not an easy decision for her to make. I respect her for her honesty and for understanding, and attempting to understand what I've been going through. Painful for both of us, we've each shed tears at times and yet have managed a tender moment or two between us. I'm hopeful that we can remain friendly and I truly wish her the happiness she deserves. I couldn't ask for a better ex wife.

Our daughter continues to be remarkably unphased but there really has not but much upset in her daily routine so far. I'm still living in the house, albeit different bedroom, and will be through June. Her emotional well being is the #1 priority for us so we will both do what it takes to get her through this difficult time. We're paying attention to her grades, behavior,
social activities and so far no changes. I'm cautiously optimistic.

I had some time on my hands recently so I decided to go see a movie. Last minute and such so I go to see 'It's complicated'. Meryll Streep, Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin. Meryll has an affair with her ex husband but it doesn't work out. Funny movie. Don't tell anybody but I laughed in the theatre and cried on my way home!!

I thoroughly enjoyed Carrie Fisher's book. You'll have to let me know if you liked it or not. Well I gotta run...... My best to your better half and child, as well as you!!

Peace
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Unread 03-15-2010, 09:03 PM   #159
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Hi Saint, thank you for the update I have wondered how things were going, but did not want to pry. The feedback you have given others has been so helpful. I am glad you have stayed, to help others.
Your attitude about everything you have been dealing with is inspirational. I have friends who have remained amicable/friendly after a divorce and it has benefited the kids in the long run. IMO - you are both showing through example relationship and life long coping skills. And yes, it is smart to keep an eye on her grades, behavior,she seems like an amazing girl and will get through this.

In case no one has said it lately- Congrats on your continued sobriety!

Ahhh you got to see a movie in a theatre ! I am jealous, we usually wait until the DVD since finding a babysitter takes an act of congress. If you liked It's Complicated you may like Something's Gotta Give with Diane Keaton and Nicholson- funny and sweet. Just saw: The Invention of Lying , hilarious. Michael Moore's Capitalism : A Love Story, was an eye opener.

Anyway, you sound good, you have a lot to be proud of. Sending good thoughts your way and keep up the great work. Take care Saint, Carly : )
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Unread 03-15-2010, 09:33 PM   #160
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Hello Saint,

I know I don't post often but I check in every once in a while to see how you're doing.
I want to say that I am in AWE of you going through divorce, keeping it real with your child and maintaining sobriety all at once. WOW
I went through a hard divorce except I was drunker that drunk.
Sobriety came latter. So I can feel your pain.
Congratulations. You are a very strong man.

Laura
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Unread 03-17-2010, 11:39 AM   #161
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Carly,

Thanks for the kind words. Please don't feel like your prying. I consider you a mentor and a friend. You have helped me immeasurably over the last few months and I will be forever grateful. So thank Carly you for all that you do here.

Regards
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Unread 03-17-2010, 12:36 PM   #162
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Laura,

Thank you.

My wife is a good person, a great mother and she deserves to be happy. She did not arrive at her decision lightly and I will always respect her for her compassion during this difficult time. She has made it easy to be strong if you will, although I do not see myself that way. We all have choices on how we live our lives. We both chose to do what is in the best interest of our daughter and you know what - we have all benefitted from those choices, those decisions.

I too have wondered how YOU have been doing as I'm sure others have wondered. So don't be a stranger!

I trust all is well with you?

Regards
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Unread 03-17-2010, 02:12 PM   #163
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Hi Saint,
Thank you- I learn so much from everyone here.
When I think of you and your tendency not be verbose, I always believed the saying still waters run deep : )

And there is Laura !! I am so happy to see a post from you, I hope all is well with you and your family : )

Happy SAINT Patrick's Day ! Carly
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Unread 05-17-2010, 08:14 PM   #164
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Hi,

It's been a while since I posted on my own thread. I didn't realize how long until I checked the date on my last post!
My divorce was official as of 3/8/10. The last time I posted I recalled wondering when the final divorce decree would arrive. When it did arrive I was taken aback by the finality of it even though I was expecting it to arrive.

Since that time I have helped my ex (not sure I like the word ex) put down a hardwood floor in what was to be our Master bedroom. It is ironic because we had argued numerous times regarding the need to finish that room. I was against, she was for. In the end it seemed the right thing to do for her, and my daughter so I acquiesced. I am now glad I was able to have the opportunity to help her out.

I've since moved out of the house and have just moved into another relatively close by. I am in fact now living amongst my earthly goods which are scattered about the house. I need to get things cleaned up and organized before I start liking the clutter. I can see it easily becoming my new normal... It should be interesting to see if I can live with myself : )
And of course I live with my daughters recently acquired gerbils. Her Mom wanted nothing to do with them so I was her backup by default. As far as I'm concerned they are rodents but I am entrusted with their care. I'll do my best.

Through it all my daughter has remained stable emotionally, not suffered any noticeable setback from the divorce. Hopefully things will continue in this manner as we all adjust to living in separate households. My greatest fear going through this divorce was the well being of my daughter. As it turns out that fear and pain weighed more heavily on me than it needed to. As they say, so far so good.

I continue to check in every day, to stay up to date as it were. My heart goes out to all that continue to struggle with addiction. It is an ugly, terrible disease that wrecks havoc in so many ways. Yet there is light after the darkness. It was so for me and it can be so for you.
For all my friends out there that I've had the pleasure and honor of meeting and to those I am yet to meet and to quote a good man I know; "You help keep me sober", for it is the truth. For that I thank you.

Remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life,
Stay Strong
Saint
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Unread 05-17-2010, 09:51 PM   #165
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Saint, You have shown so much gracefulness through this divorce. I'm so happy for your daughter that she has taken this showing little effect. This is problably do to how her parents handled this difficult situation. I remember her 1 post to us.

Remember to take it 1 day at a time & continue to be the man that I have learned you to be on this site.

Take your time moving in & you will get the job done. Try & love yourself. You deserve it.
Your friend in sobriety. R. Lee
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Unread 05-19-2010, 01:06 AM   #166
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Dear Saint,
Thank you for the update, ditto on what Lee posted. I am glad that things are going well = even better than you had anticipated. Stay vigilante, as I know you are doing and may this next chapter of your life bring you great things.

OH my! I got such a chuckle outta this and find it so sweet of you to do for her :
"""As far as I'm concerned they are rodents but I am entrusted with their care. I'll do my best . """
You are such a good Dad to do this for your daughter and I am sure she appreciates it.
I hope you and your new friends have a great night ; )

Again, thanks for the update, take care Saint ! Carly : )
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Unread 05-20-2010, 10:43 AM   #167
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Lee,

Thanks for the kind words, advice, and hard earned wisdom. I'm thinking learning to love who I am may be the hardest of all. I don't hate myself but I can't honestly say I've embraced who I am either.

Remember to keep the shiny side up on that bike of yours!

Have a good day Lee,
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Unread 05-20-2010, 10:57 AM   #168
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Carly,

It is all about staying vigilante isn't it. I can see how easy it can be to mess up but so far so good. My daughter really does help me to stay grounded, to put everything in perspective, to reflect on what really is important. She's a good kid but they grow up to fast, or is it I that am getting old to quick ; ) .

I hope your back is back to normal. It's hard enough to keep up with the little one when I'm 100%.

Here's to a great day and a better tomorrow,
Regards
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Unread 05-20-2010, 09:24 PM   #169
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Saint, I have a friend that I worked with & have known since 1967. He has been an alcoholic all this time. Tonight he is dieing of cancer of the esophagus. The last time I saw him we were at a party about 10 years ago.when I still drank. He was so drunk he could not stand up. I gave myself a break a few years ago & asked for help to stop my drinking. I haven't looked back. Joe & I are both alcoholics. I'm sober just for today. Joe is dieing.
You have to forgive yourself & move on. I was able to start loving myself by sharing what I had done in the past with another person & my higher power.
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Unread 05-22-2010, 12:19 PM   #170
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saint View Post
Lee,

Thanks for the kind words, advice, and hard earned wisdom. I'm thinking learning to love who I am may be the hardest of all. I don't hate myself but I can't honestly say I've embraced who I am either.

Remember to keep the shiny side up on that bike of yours!

Have a good day Lee,
Saint
Hi Saint,

Sounds like things are going very well considering what you've gone/are going through. The liking yourself thing is not even in the hoizon for me. Things will work out, but just don't drink. I was told that many times, but I couldn't/wouldn't get it. Still can't, but maybe...

Frank
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Unread 05-23-2010, 06:57 AM   #171
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Frank,

You sound good! I think you 'get it' perhaps more than you think..... One thing I've been thinking about lately. Things are only as bad, and conversely, as good as you want them to be. You know that old saying Frank, you can't see the Forest for the trees? Sometimes it's as simple as that. What we are looking for is right there in front of us, we are just to blind to see. I think you have to step outside yourself and view yourself from a different perspective to appreciate onesself.

Just a thought.........

Stay Strong Frank and keep up the good work.
Saint
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Unread 05-23-2010, 12:30 PM   #172
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Hi Saint,

First tell your wife that she is welcome. I haven't even looked at the family portion of this forum until yesterday and, and I looked at a old post from your wife. She was thanking all of us who you speak to on this forum. She seems like a very nice person, and thats possibly one reason why most things are going smoothly for all of you.

The liking yourself thing might come for me if I make some changes like not drinking, and take in some good meetings. I'm still a little worried about taking my wife to mom's this wensday. Just something about comming back by myself, and the thought of getting a 12 pack of see through glass beer (don't know why the see through thing appeals to me now) sounds very good to me. My only defence will be eating a real big gut bomb before hand.

Frank
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Unread 05-23-2010, 04:54 PM   #173
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Frank, Stay in today. Beer sometimes looks attractive to me & I have a choice to ignore the temptation or drink a beer. Today I chose not to drink.
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Unread 05-24-2010, 12:24 AM   #174
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R. Lee View Post
Frank, Stay in today. Beer sometimes looks attractive to me & I have a choice to ignore the temptation or drink a beer. Today I chose not to drink.
Hi Lee,

Funny thing is I didn't see it, it's just in my mind. I usually always get cans that I can crush. It's just nuttyness. I've got a few tools i've learned from you guys I can put into play. Thanks Lee,

Frank
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Unread 05-24-2010, 04:54 PM   #175
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Frank,

I was a beer can crusher also! Still crush cans although different beverage now - diet coke: ). Hang in there Frank.

Saint
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Unread 05-24-2010, 09:48 PM   #176
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Guys no can crusher here. You pay a 10 cent bounty on every beverage can or bottle. So we take our cans back to the store for a refund. This was the state of Michigan's way to help stop roadside litter.
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Unread 06-03-2010, 09:50 PM   #177
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Saint, I hope you are OK.
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Unread 06-03-2010, 09:56 PM   #178
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Atleast you understand that the commercials could be triggers. I feel that if I am aware of these things its easier to make it one more day. Saint, you are doing great and I look forward to reading your posts daily. Keep up the good work. Stay Strong. -Julie
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Unread 06-05-2010, 12:05 PM   #179
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Lee,

Hi - I'm fine and I appreciate your concern. I check in and read every day, have not had much time to post while trying to get settled into the new house. So much to do, but the house is getting there, all in good time.

I still see my counselor every 5 weeks. She's ready to cut me loose and although I don't feel I need her at this time to stay sober I enjoy meeting with her and discussing things that have been going on in my life. To those that have been reluctant to see a therapist; I was one of you at one time. Didn't want to talk about my problems with alcohol with a stranger, didn't want to open up and expose what I considered my personal weakness with another. All I can say now is I am glad I sought professional help. I'm sure you've heard of the saying "The truth will set you free". Well it does set one free and it has for me. When I finally decided to see a therapist I promised myself I would be honest and open. So far I have not been disappointed with that strategy! As Lee says from time to time "One cannot be a secret", and he is of course, correct.

Today I don't struggle with alcohol but I realize how easily my sobriety could slip away. Today I am glad I am sober and I am glad alcohol is no longer a part of my life. Actually I should say alcohol use is no longer a part of my life. I think of the need to be vigilant to stay and remain sober but today I do not miss alcohol and I see no future in it. I'm not perfect, I'm human, and I accept myself for who I am. I will never be perfect nor do I want to be. Life would be too boring!

My daughter's been running track this year and the girls team for her school finished first in the state championship meet this past week. It's a pleasure to watch the kids compete and give it their all and they've been well coached. You can have a talented bunch of kids but they need to be focused, coached on how to perform at their best in order to succeed. Kind of like what you do here Lee. Coaching those attempting to find sobriety and those that have to stay sober. You're a good man Lee, you've done good things here and I value your wisdom and experience. Keep up the good work!

Stay Strong,
Saint
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Unread 06-05-2010, 12:06 PM   #180
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Julie,

Thank you!

Saint
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Unread 06-05-2010, 10:26 PM   #181
R. Lee
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Saint, I'm glad you are doing fine. I'm glad that you sought out counseling as I could not get sober by myself.
I was just concerned about you as you had not posted in a while.
Thanks for the kind words. Helping others helps keep me sober.
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Unread 06-12-2010, 02:58 PM   #182
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Hi Saint ,

I read you hurt your back ? Did I misread that ? Ouch !! Been there done that- hope you are better now .

Saint , you have come so far, honestly, I think you are more self aware then you may realize. Oh and I agree about being perfect, perfection is over rated and yes, it would be borrrring, we would be like Robots lol, Who wants that ?
Progress not perfection- as they say in the rooms.

Congrats on moving into a new house, though I am wondering if it may bring some kind of emotions ?? Are you OK ?

Your Daughter sounds like she is doing well overall, good to hear, and a Big Woo Hoo to your Daughter's Track Team !!

I hope you have a great weekend, thanks for posting and sharing with others. Take care, Carly : )
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Unread 06-12-2010, 07:03 PM   #183
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Carly,

Hi, it's great to hear from you! I trust everthing is well with the family, and yourself?

The back is ok, not wonderful, just ok. After the mini meet between the parents and kids, my hamstring is now the weakest link : ) ! Nothing serious, just lack of proper excercise. I'm on the mend.

Moving into the new house has been emotional at times but having my daughter around has certainly made it easier for me. As for my daughter she is adjusting as well as can be expected. She's been able to talk with me about any worries and concerns she has that the divorce has brought on so I count that as a blessing she has been able to communicate so freely. I can only hope it continues. At times I feel she is handling the divorce better than I and at times have to remind myself to ask her how she's feeling.... She's a great kid, her mother and I love her dearly and she knows that. The hardest part for her has been dealing with the emotional pain she sees in us at times, she feels bad when she sees that.

The girls track team has been phenomenal this year. It's a pleasure to watch them work hard and get rewarded. 1st in the state for their division is awesome. They are a small school and their coach has been instrumental in their development as a team and individually. Yes, one person can make such a huge difference in many peoples lives. Isn't there a lesson to be learned there?

Take care Carly and thanks again for everything you do.

Warmest regards,
Saint
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Unread 06-13-2010, 07:56 PM   #184
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Hi Saint- Your Daughter sounds AMAZING ! I am glad having her near made the move easier, it sounds like even though the divorce was not ideal, you 2 have grown closer in the process.
Parenting is a trip - you do our best , you know. For us, so far, everyone ( family ) tells us that our kid is great- he is compassionate, funny, he is friends with girls and boys, does not see color - and that is saying a lot b/c of where we live. , that is the best we can hope for - Oh and he made Honor Roll ( all A's ) this entire year - it was a lot of work, me constantly on the internet looking up stuff that I had forgotten - who knew 6 year olds study geometry, fractions, names of every ocean, continents etc.. Hopefully he will go into science his favorite subject, methinks there will be a huge demand for it in the future, i.e. environmental issues, just saw a documentary on HBO - Blue Gold- I think.... about water shortages , The Bush family has been buying up 100s of thousand of acres of land in South America near the largest aquifer- that just about made my toenails curl !! Yikes! OK enough of my tangent.

Anyway- I hope each day gets better and easier, you are on the right track, imo.
Take care, Carly : )
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Unread 06-15-2010, 09:52 PM   #185
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Carly,

Hi - yes parenting is a trip, and very rewarding. You know I believe kids don't see color because they are not taught by their parents to see color. That's been my observation so kudo's to you and your husband, family etc. for raising your son that way.

I laugh to this day when I recall my daughter telling me she got every problem wrong that grammy helped her with... It can be a challenge at times!

Well you take care of yourself and stay away from the mops!

Stay Safe! : )
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Unread 07-11-2010, 11:19 AM   #186
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Hi Saint,

How are you ? I read your your post to Humbolt about what your Doctor said, I am still shaking my head over that one. I think it may say more about his relationship with alcohol than anything. I know I have run into to friends, who seem to feel bad that I do not imbibe, especially when they are slurring their words, like it is a fate worse than death. I am like whoa, no believe me , it's fine, carry on. ; )

at least your counselor had some sound advice. I know from experience the minute I start telling myself one of this or that will be ok, I will be back where I started eventually - if not sooner.

hope all is well with you. Take care, Carly : )
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Unread 07-14-2010, 12:44 PM   #187
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Carly,

Hi, It's great to hear from you. I was hoping the reason you hadn't posted was because you were on vacation and not because of a GI infection! Glad your feeling better. Here's to a better second half of the year to you.

Fortunately for me by the time I saw my Doctor I had learned enough from this site and reading on my own that I knew alcohol and I were friends never to be acquainted again. I had no desire to drink at that point and knew his comment was not for me. I wonder at times if I would have had a drink or two and where that would have led if I hadn't had prior knowledge about relapse. Probably would be drinking again at this point.

How am I? Good question! I am well. The jury is still out on whether or not I can live with myself ; ) . My daughter and friend love the sausage & egg mcmuffin's I cook up with love for them so there is hope. As far as my laundry skills, I have a hard time making a distinction between colored and whites. Depending on the size of the pile they may all end up in the wash at the same time. SHHH don't tell anyone. I'm learning to accept myself for who and what I am. The 'good' I hold onto, the 'bad' I work on eliminating. 'Good' and 'Bad' as defined by me not others. That statement not to be construed as being selfish, which would be 'bad', but meaning I am not beholden onto others for my happiness, success in life, or perceived lack thereof. As I've heard you say, "progress not perfection" is my goal.

Take care of yourself Carly and take plenty of pictures of your little one, they grow up too fast. Don't get me wrong, it's great to see them grow and mature, it just seems to happen so darn fast!

Warmest regards,
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Unread 07-23-2010, 02:11 PM   #188
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Hello,

Well I went to my PCP today and talked about getting off the anti depressants I've been on. At this point in time the side effects are outweighing any benefit I seem to be getting from the drug(Citalopram 40 mg). I am hoping once med free the fatigue I've been experiencing for some time will go away. Regardless of how well I sleep I'm ready for a nap after a few hours once awake. Don't get me wrong I'm all for a good nap but it turns into a two hour siesta : ). The Doc's got me on a taper to get off the A.D. and then see how I am physically after 3 weeks med free.

Have a great day!

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Unread 07-24-2010, 10:17 PM   #189
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Saint, My doctor & myself had to twink the meds as I was going back to bed 2 hrs. after getting a good 8 hours. Best of luck. Take care friend.
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Unread 07-25-2010, 06:24 AM   #190
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Lee,

Hi - thanks for the feedback regarding the anti depressants. It's nice to know someone else had similar symptoms as I. I've been dealing with this for a while. All my lab tests came back normal so it's looking like it's the anti-depressant.

Lee, I also look upon you as a friend. It strikes me how one can feel emotionally attached to another via pen and paper. I say pen and paper because that's what I grew up with! But that's a whole new discussion isn't it!!!!! You've been a mentor to me, in every sense of the word. I don't write those words lightly, they are written with emotion.

Thank you sir for all that you do.

Regards,
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Unread 07-25-2010, 06:27 AM   #191
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Dear Saint,

I wrote out a longer post to you, didn't write it in" documents," too much time had passed and I had timed out so I lost the post ! I should know better by now. The gist of it was thanks for asking about me, I do miss keeping in better touch with everyone. I don't know if you remember but our house is on the market - yep the time to be selling is Not ideal but we realized we are not suburbanites, this "town " served us well. but we are ready to move to the city, more to do, more for our son, who is excited beyond words. Downside is that the house has to be ready for a showing 24- 7. everyday. OH . and husb. has commandeered the office for his own work/job and err umm hobbies ( music ) ; )

Anyway, nuff about me, one thing I wanted to remind you- when you face the occasional self doubt, which I think is normal after the big changes in your life. ex. I remember how far you have come, in what a year ??? You were NOT jazzed about the counseling gig but you DID it, you kept an open mind and it seems like it is working ! Think about all that has changed - esp not drinking! and be proud of yourself! I also think that what you do here, giving back to others in need is helpful for you and esp the newcomers!

Also,as you d/c the AD ( not dispensing med. advice ) but imo- be conscious of any side effects, contact your PCP -
be vigilante about any complacency , isolating, compulsions to drink that cannot be resolved with your support system. it comes with the territory of addiction, it can strike out of nowhere, glad you have peer and professional support - in case. Aagin, I do hope you realize what you have accomplished.
I think you ask yourself healthy questions, this is all nchartered territory, yes? Also, so happy for the relationship you have with your daughter. I know it means so much to you !

Better get going now, be well Saint and may good things come your way !!

Take care, Carly
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Unread 07-25-2010, 05:11 PM   #192
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Carly Lewis : ) ,

How many ways can I thank thee! There have certainly been numerous changes in my life this past year and you have been a beacon of light and inspiration for me especially during my early days of sobriety. I can't tell you how many times in one day I used to check in and read posts, respond etc. The knowledge and support I have gained here I believe has helped me stay sober. The experiences share by others here have helped light my path on my journey. I continue to be forever grateful and humbled by the experiences of others. My heart goes out to those struggling with addiction and of course their families. The impact felt by the loved ones of addicts is truly monumental and such a heavy burden to bear. Each addiction I liken to a ripple in the pond cast by a single stone. Such are the lives affected.

You are wise to counsel me stay vigilant for I do at times hear the
siren's call to imbibe. Sometimes it's just a whistful longing, other times it's the small lies that cross your mind, 'just one' will be OK. Of course I realize just one will NOT be OK, been there done that! Other times I think 'I am not an alchoholic'. Those thoughts I have come to believe are the thoughts and rationalizations of an addict for that is what I am, albeit in recovery. I have come to understand that I have what I would call an addictive personality. It is not just alcohol I need to be wary of.

I have never been one to blow my own horn or celebrate what one would call success. I am happy with who I am and where I am in life, at this point in time, for that I am thankful. For me that is enough.

I am no different than any other. I have good days, I have bad days. I have days where I truly laugh, those spontaneous laughs that just happen and bring such joy. Do they happen all the time? No, but I've come to appreciate them for what they are and hold them dear.

Well the daughter is hungry and begging to be fed!!!

I continue to wish you and yours the best and I will always carry your thoughts, wisdom, and caring close to my heart.

With deepest gratitude,
Saint
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Unread 07-26-2010, 10:19 PM   #193
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Quote:
I am no different than any other. I have good days, I have bad days. I have days where I truly laugh, those spontaneous laughs that just happen and bring such joy. Do they happen all the time? No, but I've come to appreciate them for what they are and hold them dear.
I wish that spontaneous laughter from childhood could have lasted throughout our lives- I too am grateful when they occur because I miss them very much. Congrats to you on all you happiness this year!
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Unread 07-26-2010, 10:28 PM   #194
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Saint, Most of us recovering people have the temtations you mentioned. Keep up the great work. We almost have another 24 under our belt.
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Unread 07-27-2010, 10:11 AM   #195
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Magda,

Yes, I couldn't agree more. The spontaneous laughter of children is a joy to behold. It is something I have come to look upon with wonder and delight!!!! For me, when I live in the 'moment', let my guard down, those 'moments' seem to happen. I enjoy them more now than ever when they do occur. They lighten ones heart.....

Yesterday is done, today is our new best day ; )

Magda, thank you for your kind thoughts, I too wish you well!

Regards,
Saint

Last edited by Saint; 07-27-2010 at 10:16 AM.. Reason: felt like it!
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Unread 07-27-2010, 10:27 AM   #196
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Lee,

As always Lee, I thank you for sharing your experiences. It's comforting to know one does not face the same 'choices' alone.
I trust you are one the 'mend' physically and that each day your strength returns.

Enjoy your day,
Saint
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Unread 07-27-2010, 09:53 PM   #197
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I'm feeling great Saint. Lost 20 lbs. Trying not to let family members put stress on me. Thanks for asking friend.
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Unread 08-10-2010, 02:59 PM   #198
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Driving home today I thought of how easy it would be to fall back into old ways. It really can be a fine line at times, that line being sobriety of course. So sad but it is what it is......

And I started jogging! I've been thinking about doing some cardio excercisng for a long time. Finally stepped up to the plate and just did it. I can run a mile now without keeling over. Have a severe 'list'when I'm done but feel rejuvenated once I can breathe again!

Hope the old joints can hold up to it. They've been protesting but are slowly coming around. Isn't it funny how nobody ever seems to smile when they jog! Well off for a quick run!

Regards,
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Unread 08-10-2010, 09:03 PM   #199
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Saint, Falling back into our old ways is easy enough to do. I think your jogging can be nothing but good for you. Start off easy & build up.
The 1st time I started jogging I was 38 & had just quit drinking in 1982. I ran 5 miles the 1st time out in Febuary. I stayed a dry drunk for 7 months. I ran a marathon in that October after resuming drinking. I quit drinking again for 7 months as a dry drunk in 84. I compleated 9 marathons as an active alcoholic for the next 8 or so years.
I considered myself like John Wayne. A hard drinker & bullet proof. Running marathons & drinking like a fish proved to me I was no alcoholic. BUT I Knew I WAS!!
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Unread 08-11-2010, 07:07 AM   #200
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Lee,

I hear you loud and clear....you're preaching to the choir. Thanks for the reminder though.

As far as the running I am taking it slow. I still haven't completely recovered from my pulled hamstring this past spring. I'm trying to listen to my body. All in good time.

Have a great day Lee,
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