Addiction Survivors

Notices

Reply
Unread 04-11-2016, 12:15 PM   #1
jaycin1204
Junior Member
 
Posts: 5
Angry New here, but not to Sub treatment

I am new here,but not new to addiction, but I can tel you I am in a 2 week Hell right about now. I have been on Subutex treatment for 3 years after battling the good ole' Opiate addiction. First it started with a C-section when I was 35, then after that is was whatever I could get my hands on, and I did not mention I was a RN, so it was like I was in a candy store, it only took that operation in April 27, 2010 until June 16, 2010 to ruin my life. I lost my license because I could not stand to leave my newborn, plus I had a 1 year old at home. I finally went into treatment but after 30 days clean, I took my a$$ to the Sub clinic...worst mistake. These Drs. just want cash, and they love patients like me that passes all the drug test and take it as prescribed....until last month this new Dr. lowered my doseage to 4mg a day, which I was not ready for....mentally, and I told him that. The other Drs. worked with me and instructed me to take it slow. Well I bucked this new Dr and made it worse on myself because I have ran out 2 weeks early and I am in full withdrawals.

I work full time, and have a 6 and 7 year old, and I can't be dealing with this withdrawal process now, but I have no choice. I did it to myself! My DH knows whats going on, I told him, cause know I can't hide this until the 25th! I feel helpless right now, depressed, no motivation, its hard just doing normal activities like getting dressed, and I did taper the last 2 weeks so its not as bad as could be. Why can't I just take the damn things as prescribed because it is all in my head when I "need" another one...I can use 2 mg and be fine, but the addict in me wants more!!

If I can make it through until the 25th, I am giving the meds to my Mother and try this taper like the new Doc wants. He should know what he is doing, but I had to just take one more, then one more, then I run out early. Why do I do this to myself, I am hurting my kids more than ever, they don't deserve to be yelled at because I am a dumbass. They deserve a Mom who can take them to their ball games and have fun on the weekends, not laying around focused on how I can get my script filled early.

I am sorry about the rant, I hope things get better for you. Who knew I could get addicted in 3 months and loose everything when before I had so much drugs pass through my hands and never once thought about using it, and then addiction appears and it will ruin you and steal your soul, cause I am definitely not the person I was 6 years ago.
jaycin1204 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-11-2016, 01:11 PM   #2
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Hi jaycin1204, welcome. If you get a chance, please read this thread by runner who tapered off. She has a lot of good - especially in post #6 where she lists some supplements that might be helpful to you.
http://addictionsurvivors.org/vbulle...ad.php?t=29803

When did you run out and how much had you been taking when you did? Did you go to any counseling to address the addictive behavior of not being able to take them as prescribed? Sorry for all the questions.

Nancy
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-11-2016)
Unread 04-11-2016, 03:30 PM   #3
jaycin1204
Junior Member
 
Posts: 5
Default

I will check that out!! No, I did not go, YET, but that is my next step, the NA here is a joke, its a very small town and really, people are there just to get a paper signed. Anybody could get just about anything they wanted out there!!

I was supposed to be on 8mq qd, but for the past 2 weeks, I was on 2mg or less, then the last 5 days, just pieces of a 4mg, so maybe .5-1mg a day for the last 5 days and my last was this past Saturday.

I know as of right now, it is not as bad when I tried to jump at 4mg, but it is enough to interfere with my emotions, motivation, and sleep, not to mention the Oh so aggravating restless-legs!!

But I am so tired of not doing it right and worrying when I can get my next script filled, that's why this time it is going straight to my Mother's hands!
jaycin1204 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-11-2016, 04:23 PM   #4
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Hi again, some people prefer AA to NA, even if they don't have a problem with alcohol. Not sure if that would be the same as NA in your town though.

This link might be helpful. It's helped others here over the years. It's a free self-help program for CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) which could help you learn how to change your thought process. It's used quite a bit for addiction counseling.
https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

The good thing is that by the 25th, you may have powered through everything and not even need to get another prescription. If that's not the case, the other good thing will be that you can probably go back to .5 and then take it slowly down from there. If you could work on the behavior modification during that, it could make it easier too - then you'd be able to push any thoughts of taking more, etc. out of your head.

Hope that helps!

Nancy
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.

Last edited by NancyB; 04-11-2016 at 04:23 PM.. Reason: Forgot website. DOH! :)
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-11-2016, 04:46 PM   #5
jaycin1204
Junior Member
 
Posts: 5
Default

Basically the AA and NA members are the same in my town...I hope I can push on, like I said, I have wen through WD's from Subutex before and I did not do a any taper and I can tell this is much milder than before, maybe because I tapered a week, or maybe it hasn't hit me full blown yet!!

That was my thought exactly about pushing through and not needing them, but since I was a RN, if I don't follow Dr. instructions, they will say I am non-compliant and I will never get my license back! I am hoping to stick it out and start back with .5 mg...I don't have any access to any pain pills, I don't buy off the street...If I could just think clear, and get out of this fog, and not deal with these WD's, but that would be to easy, I have to suffer to learn the consequences!! I just hope I have enough energy to cope with these boys' ball games' and one's birthday party coming up the weekend after next!! They don't deserve having a Mother like this!
jaycin1204 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-12-2016, 05:20 PM   #6
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Hi jaycin1204, how are you feeling today?

Ah, ok. I totally understand about what you have to do. Especially to get your license back! As counter-intuitive as it may seem, if you can do any amount of exercise, do it. It will get your natural endorphins going and help out a lot.

Please keep us posted!

Nancy
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-14-2016, 10:59 AM   #7
jaycin1204
Junior Member
 
Posts: 5
Default

Thanks for checking on me!

After calling my doctor and going in to see him, he gave me enough to get to the 25th. Its a group of Dr.'s and the one I seen today was the one I usually see, not the one I seen on my last visit.I don't know if he felt sorry for me after seeing me, and the fact this was my first "mess up" in 3 years, (that is actually documented), I know he is usually very strict, but he said he would rather help me, than see me go out and blow it all.

I started back at 2mg and I feel fine, my Mom has my medication, and that is where it will be until I can learn to trust myself!

I can tell you I am sick and tired of doing this to myself, to my family, they suffer to when this happens. If I can just take as prescribed and work this taper, maybe this will be a thing of the past! Wishful thinking right?!! I am not going to do a quick taper, but I am not going to drag this thing out any longer, this is my plan anyway.

I found a group at a local church, its not NA or AA but its for women going through addictions, I went last night and felt good about it, and I also started me a journal, so I don't keep my feelings bottled up! I am going to try and stay active on this board because this helps too! I feel bad cause I couldn't wait 2 weeks, but the depression was so bad and it just consumes your mind.
jaycin1204 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-15-2016, 06:40 AM   #8
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Hi jaycin1204, now that's a doctor who understands and seems to want to help. That's great that you gave the meds to your mom so you won't be tempted to take them unnecessarily. Did you take a look at the CBT site? That could be a big help in changing your behavior and get through not only pushing thoughts of taking more bupe, but changing your thought process when you taper off as a relapse-prevention type therapy.

Also sounds like you found a nice group and are really working hard with that and starting a journal! You should be proud of these changes you've made! Fabulous work!

Nancy
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:13 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2014 Addiction Survivors