Addiction Survivors


Unread 08-30-2014, 11:23 PM   #1
Junior Member
Posts: 3
Default I am new to this site

Hi - I stumbled upon this site, and it has already been very helpful to me! My husband and I had a seemingly great marriage, but after about 15 years, he started feeling disconnected. After 20 years of marriage, he started drinking more frequently and also had a short affair with an old classmate. After understanding the reasons for the affair, I was willing to forgive him and work on our marriage. Unfortunately, he was still medicating with the alcohol.

We legally separated 2 years ago, but we would still go on dates and we would still parent our teens together. However, in 2014, he has had five incidents of drinking too much and then driving. This has scared me, and I told him how uncomfortable his drinking has made me. He doesn't believe he has a problem and says that it is unreasonable to ask him to stop drinking completely. He seees himself as a "social" drinker, not an alcoholic.

After that conversation, I filed for divorce. I didn't want to lose my house because he had hurt or killed someone! It is difficult because he doesn't drink very often…… fact….. he hasn't had a drunk driving incident since last June…. But I just don't know when the next incident will happen!?!
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Unread 08-30-2014, 11:30 PM   #2
Junior Member
Posts: 3
Default 2nd part of my post…..

So basically, I go back and forth about if I am doing the right thing by divorcing him. This has been VERY DIFFICULT for me - and our 25th wedding anniversary is on Tuesday. :-(

Reading other people's posts has been helpful to me. Thank you.
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Unread 08-31-2014, 06:29 PM   #3
R. Lee
Senior Member
Posts: 4,984

Eucharisteo, Welcome to this site.

I am a recovering alcoholic who drank for 42 years. I was never arrested for drunk driving. I was divorced 3 times. Fired from my job only to get it back through arbitration. My 1st 3 children were raised out in CA while I lived in MI. My idea of being a good father was never miss a child support payment. My life was all about me. Get out of my way & let me live how I want or leave. So they left.

The only way I got sober was to stop drinking for myself. I had to want to stop.

Until your husband wants to quit for himself, not for you or to save his marriage he will continue to go back to his best friend alcohol.

I can not tell you what to do about your marriage. I can suggest that you know what you need to do. You do not have to live like this. You have a choice to get on with your life or stay around waiting for that phone call that he has killed someone or himself. It does not matter how much he drinks or how often. It is what alcohol does to him when he drinks.

There are support groups such as Al Anon that is a 12 step program for familys of alcoholics, so you do not have to go through this by yourself.

My best to you. Others will come in & give you support.
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