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Unread 09-04-2016, 10:55 AM   #1
meowcat
Junior Member
 
Posts: 1
Default Past Tramas Resurfacing

Hello,

My dad was an alcoholic during my teenage years and has been sober for years now. He was verbally abusive and almost physically abusive at times, and this lasted for about 5 years. My relationship with him is ok now, but I found a new issue beginning to surface.

I have a boyfriend who occasionally smokes weed and drinks. He's not "addicted", he doesn't do it daily, and only does it when he goes out to socialize with others. He goes many weeks and months sober. By societies standards, it would be ok.

However, whenever I see him intoxicated, I am extremely triggered. The other day we went to a club and he was only slightly drunk. It didn't bother me to much until he came home. He fell asleep at home and snored deeply because of the alcohol, and it reminded me of my dad. He also wouldn't wake up when I tired to wake him, because the alcohol really knocked him out.

I found myself panicking and returning to back when I was a little girl, remembering the times I couldn't communicate with my dad due to his drunken state. I had a very visceral response of panic and started crying. When he woke up I explained how I was triggered, he felt bad about it and promised not to do any drugs around me.

Because of everything I have experienced in the past, I just really hate drugs of any kind. I thought it was something I was getting over, but this last experience showed me that i'm still not over it at all. Is it impossible for me to change my mind? Will I have to only accept 100% sober people my whole life?

Having that trigger just brought up a lot of confusion for me. I've never had therapy or AA or anything to deal with my past trauma, so I don't know how to deal with these things.
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Unread 09-06-2016, 06:40 AM   #2
NancyB
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Posts: 25,466
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Hi meowcat, welcome. First, I'm sorry for what you went through with your father for all those years. Have you thought about going to a therapist to help you find ways to deal with that period of your life? I can only imagine it being very traumatic and perhaps a professional will be able to help.

It is good that your boyfriend is understanding and promised not to do drugs around you; hopefully it means that he won't come home intoxicated so that you won't have to go through those reactions again.

Going to Alanon may help you by talking with people who have gone through what you have. But I do hope you will really think about therapy. Or a combination of both so you can decide what will work better for you.

Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Nancy
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