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Unread 04-04-2010, 01:38 AM   #1
Aaakt
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Unhappy Recovering from a meth addict

I don't know where to begin... A little over six months ago I re-met a person from my childhood. We hit it off right away and I fell fast and hard. He had told me that he had used meth for a couple years but it didn't bother me because he said that he had like 4 or 5 months clean and didn't want to use. Everything started out great he was funny, cute, had personality for days, my friends liked him and he was so good to me. Well about a month and a half to two months into it he started to act really suspicious of me as though I was cheating on him. He could turn anything into code words or he would say I was having someone text the other guy for me and so on... Well I ended up discovering he had fallen off the wagon and done meth and even though he still thought I cheated on him (I didn't by the way) we worked past it and were better than ever. Well after some more time passed he ended up relapsing again and the accusations started right away. He comes up with the most far fetched thoughts of what I do. He has accused me of being with friends, family members (his and mine- not my blood relative), people he deals with for drugs, guys from my past and even accusing me of being on drugs myself. I've only done meth one time, I have avoided it my whole life cause the problems it has caused my family. Well he tricked me into doing because he said I would "open up" and that he might be able to believe me. That was not his intention, he thought I did it anyways and wanted me to do it with him so maybe I'd admit to it. He goes back and forth with accusing me of stuff on drugs and coming to his senses sober. He went to pick up drugs and said he heard the guys inside say that had sex with a girl all night long and that they said my name. I hadnt left my friends house for almost 2 days yet somehow i was there with that guy. He FLIPPED out! I had never been so scared of anyone! and he was convinced I did it and said he just wanted me to admit it so I said yeah out of fear and asked "how much" I got for it I said $100 thinking he was completely nuts and that I would never talk to him again. I have never been involved in these types of things! I was so naive to drugs and that whole lifestyle and now I feel like I'm scarred for life. I have no one to talk to because I don't want people to know what has gone on and hate him for it so nobody knows what I have gone through. We were supposed to move together in a few days (he was sober and normal for a while) But he has relapsed again and now seems to completely believe everything he accused me of. That I have supposedly been on drugs the whole time weve been together and I just have it under control that's why I sleep every night and can eat and function like a normal person (not because I am a normal person). He thinks I have sex for money... As well as my friend... My uncle "if hes really my uncle" is possibly my pimp and that I am just constantly out screwing anyone and everyone around and making him look stupid. So he wants nothing to do with me even though I was staying with him and have nowhere else to go, we already have tickets, I sold and/gave a lot of my possesions for our move. I think a lot of this is a mixture of a personality disorder (undiagnosed ive just been reading about it) as well as the meth which one caused which I don't know? I have stayed with him after each binge because I really do love him an he is (sober) my best friend and I didn't want to abandon him because he has told me before how he has Noone he can count on. Yet everytime he uses i am the only one he focuses on and constantly attacks. This time is just too much for me he really believes I am this whore-able(pun intended) person and that I do all these horrible things. I have never cheated on him once and I am not a user. I am so weak without him but I know that I can't stay with (if he'd even talk to me anyways) someone with such distorted views of me. I am not looking for sympathy, just a place to vent. I can't keep this completely to myself anymore or I am going to lose my mind! Thanks for listening! *
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Unread 04-05-2010, 07:44 AM   #2
NancyB
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Hi Aaakt, you have to get away from him and save yourself. I hope he hasn't physically hurt you yet. But, I'm afraid if you don't leave him, it might escalate into that. Meth can do that - cause violent rage - and you don't know what might set that off.

Where are you staying now? Do you have support for yourself? It seems that 4 or 5 months he had stopped meth when you re-met just wasn't enough time for him to distance himself from the addiction. He needs professional help, and you need to take care of yourself. You deserve better.

Look at all of the turmoil you've gone through in the past 6 months, it doesn't seem as though anything is changing. You have to focus on getting yourself out of that relationship before it gets worse. Don't let him manipulate you into staying if he is not willing to get help. The cycle will just continue - unless you stop it. Perhaps think about telling you'll help him find help, but until he gets help, you have to distance yourself.

Please let us know how you're doing.

Nancy
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Unread 07-16-2010, 03:13 AM   #3
johnthms72
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Meth really messes you up so bad you may never come back to normal unfortunately.Methamphetamine abuse has three patterns: low intensity, binge, and high intensity. It takes months and unfortunately meth has permanent side effetcs.He may never be completely normal.
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Unread 07-16-2010, 03:41 PM   #4
CarlyO
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Default Hi and welcome johnthms72 !

Dear johnths72,
I am sooo glad you found a place a vent ! I have not been over here in a while but saw you post on the alcohol forum so I wanted to welcome you. Nancy gave you solid feedback. I know it is difficult when you love the "sober" person and then they turn into someone completely different, even at times horrific. It is the nature of the beast/disease. Please try NOT to beat yourself up, I dare say we have all done things that we normally would never do, when we love someone. I know I have !

However, as cliche as it sounds- you DO deserve someone who would never, ever put you in harms way. Please read /learn as much as you can about stimulants esp. meth.--- 4 or 5 months is not that long if he had had been doing it for years. Stimulants were never my substance of choice but even by my misusing opiates and alcohol, and yes binging- I learned it can alter your brain and it takes a lot of time and work to recover from the damage it does. He needs be 100% committed to working on himself or else you both with be on a rollercoaster.
I know it must be scary to have made plans with him to move with him, but if there is ANY way possible to find a place to stay do it, this is your life, your well being. Even a domestic abuse shelter or homeless shelter( while may not seem appealing now) , could save your life and help you get back on your feet.
I am sure he has good qualities like you said but it might possibly be like living with with a ticking time bomb, you deserve much much better than that.

You will be surprised how much you can accomplish if you ask for help, believe me I know, I went through my own drama(s) with substances and men. Check into the treatment/help finder located on the alcohol forum- just enter your zip code, start calling, odds are someone will have suggestions.
Anyway, just food for thought, it is your decision, most of all please feel free to vent at any time, the great thing about this forum is that NO ONE judges and most of us have been in similar situations. In the meantime, stay safe, take care of yourself and never lose hope : ) Keep us posted !
Carly
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 07-17-2010, 05:09 PM   #5
CarlyO
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HI johnthms72- How are doing ??
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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Unread 09-28-2010, 10:57 PM   #6
sleepless
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Wow does this sound horribly familiar...for a while I thought I was reading my own post. Get strong, get educated and find some support!
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