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Unread 08-07-2010, 12:39 PM   #51
Salgoud
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J Potts,

I got sober on June 24, 2010. So I guess I have 44 days clean. Maybe we can figure this out together, the AA deal.

I also am scared to death to ask someone to be my sponsor. But I am going to work the steps. It can't hurt, and I'll have someone to look after my wellbeing (the sponsor). Someone I can call when I'm depressed, mad, exhausted etc. etc.

It has worked for millions of people, there has to be something about it that works. AA has to work for me!

Good Karma on a beautiful Saturday morning
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Unread 08-07-2010, 12:47 PM   #52
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I hate to say it, but my sister-in-law not only doesn't like that I am succeeding, but she actually hates me. She said it while we were riding to the small group AA we go to on Friday.

I shared twice, got another 30 day chip and she was just steaming. When she shared I got up to get a cup of coffee.

I told everybody, that this room is just where we meet. The real work happens when we get out and meet with our sponsor and work the steps. To me the steps is just a way to confess to another my wrongs, and the amends reminds me of confession to the one I had done the wrongs to.

Hell, I don't need her to accuse me of fall accusations. I stayed up till 4:30 AM working on a rug shampooer I got out of hock, from a junkie. He got $50 for it, I paid $62. It worked good for 20 minutes and then just crapped on me. Then I made two trips to the laundry mat to do laundry. Of course I'm tired, I'm exhausted and my eyes may look tired. I tell you, some people just don't give anyone the benefit of the doubt. I'm going to the noon meeting to discuss it today without her ofcourse.

I think a singles thread would be fastastic for this Newfie boy. I can scan and send pictures, wow I'm really learning this computer crap.

As far as Linda, my sister-in-law, I follow "Be thine true to yourself." (Something like that). It's my Dead Mom's birthday today, so I'm going to the cemetary to put some roses on her gave. Man, I hate being alone. I'm just crying right now, from lack of sleep, from arrogant assholes like Linda, my mom's birthday and she isn't here. I'm so sad right now. But I will snap out of it and succeed, with AA, counseling, my deep deep desire, and my will to be good to others no matter who they are.

Good Karma, and have a good Saturday.

P.S.- Deb, work on that singles thread, it would be a good addition to this Web site
Sal
If you read my other post about your sister in law, did I not tell you? She is jealous of your success!!!! And you know the saying kill em with kindness!!!! It's just sad that people get so overwhelmed with jealousy because of some others success. I have one family member that will not speak to me, I am not welcome in her house, she ignores my grandsons, but every time I see her I ask her how she feels. Smile and say goodbye when she leaves this house. I dunno, I don't understand, and more than that I'm beginning not to care if she is jealous or not. I'm feeling good, almost a year on sub and still hate ikea. (spend to much in that place)
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Unread 08-07-2010, 04:17 PM   #53
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Hello everyone,

Today has been pretty good so far, I woke up felt really good and went to few tag sales, got my Dunkin Donuts coffee, and then took the kids to do some school shopping. I just can't tell you how good it makes me feel to take my kids to the mall and say pick out anything you want and buy more and get this too... Last year at this time I probably only bought each kid 1 or 2 outfits and the rest I left up to family or the goodwill. Next weekend I am going away to Hampton Beach, its been years since I would even think about leaving town unless I had a very good supply with me which was rarely cause if I had them I took them. Now I can just leave town and not think twice!

I am gonna go to a speaker Jam meeting thats all days today 1-9 I really think it's gonna be great. I am a little scared to go alone but really feel like I need to go. I started writing my steps about 1 week ago, its alot of work. I really have trouble writing about myself but I really think it will be good for me. I only did about the 1st 5 questions and thought wow. I started getting really upset about all the things I put on paper, but after I got it out I thought wow what relief that I don't need to live that way anymore. I am really looking forward to moving on!

Anyway sorry for writing a book, but once I get started I can stop. I hope you all are having a great day!!

Also, I agree with Darkeyes I think your sister is jealous or maybe just scared of seeing you fail. You may have already said this but is your sister taking subs? or does she know you are? Maybe that has something to do with it? Anyway just know that you are doing the best thing for yourself and thats all that matters! You earned your seat there just as much as she did!! Good luck!

Last edited by jpotts; 08-07-2010 at 04:21 PM..
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Unread 08-08-2010, 12:46 AM   #54
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Again Jpotts,

I am proud that you are taking this AA business seriously. Sounds like you are already on your 4th STEP, where we write down all of your character defects and ask God to remove them. That is great.

No my Sister-in-Law is not on Suboxone. She was sober for 14 years off alcohol, then Rick (my brother) killed himself and then she relapsed. Now she's been sober for 4 years, but her DOC is alcohol. Keep it up, I'm on STEP 3, then after that comes the work. The meeting is just that, a meeting. The work comes after the meeting like you said, when it's just you and your sponsor working the steps. The work of AA comes after the meetings.

DARKEYES,

I think you hit the nail on the head. Linda is jealous. When she sees me at a meeting, she wishes it was Rick, because I'm not about to start a relationship with that hateful b*tch.

Well, I posted three times already, and I had a glitch everytime, so I'm gonna see if this posts, plus my back is killing me. I was working on a Hoover Carpet Cleaner till 4:30 AM last night and got up at 8 AM. Yea I looked stoned, but it is exhaustion not drugs. I have to give a UA in a week, why would I jeapordize my Suboxone treatment. She's way way out there!

Good Karma, and did you know the Hindu's worship a different god everyday of the week. Crazy, man!
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Unread 08-08-2010, 07:05 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by Salgoud View Post
Again Jpotts,


DARKEYES,

I think you hit the nail on the head. Linda is jealous. When she sees me at a meeting, she wishes it was Rick, because I'm not about to start a relationship with that hateful b*tch.

Well, I posted three times already, and I had a glitch every time, so I'm gonna see if this posts, plus my back is killing me. I was working on a Hoover Carpet Cleaner till 4:30 AM last night and got up at 8 AM. Yea I looked stoned, but it is exhaustion not drugs. I have to give a UA in a week, why would I jeapordize my Suboxone treatment. She's way way out there!

Good Karma, and did you know the Hindu's worship a different god everyday of the week. Crazy, man!
Sal,
Please stop thinking you look stoned, OK? Your stressed, have a few family problems, and your working your butt off. Would you be doing these things if you were still on your DOC? Remember what you have been through the past couple of months. And I take St Johns Wort and Milk Thistle EVERY DAY. Yea, I get depressed sometimes but that's when I either listen to some old jazz or play the piano, or pray or.........whatever. And you are most certainly not CRAZY!!! I found this quote if anyone who reads this know who said it please let me know.

Quote:
A QUESTION THAT SOMETIMES MAKES ME HAZY: AM I OR THE OTHERS CRAZY
I'm not sure but I think it was Einstein?
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Unread 08-08-2010, 06:41 PM   #56
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Smile Monday Morning Singles Thread

Hey Guys, Salgoud, Darkeyes, jpotts,

I had a busy weekend, and just came on.line now...Man so much happens when you miss a day....A big congrats for all. Darkeyes I read your posts, haven't really gotten to know you, but I'd like to....JPotts so glad you are going to meetings, and pushing past your fears, and taking the kids out, and going on vacation....ya how cool is that going away without having to worry about your pills, hiding them, loosing them, or having to cut a vacation short. The suboxone feels like a whole different thing.

And Salgoud I know you are working it...Doing everything possible to stay the road to recovery. You can make it I just know deep down inside you will because you deserve it. I know this may sound nuts, but to release the anger you feel towards your sister-inlaw is to bless her, pray for her, and do what you tell everyone here to do all the time...good karma. I love that. It is so harmful to you for you to have that anger, inside you. It is especially harmful because she probably brings back memories of your brother back to you, as you probably do to her...

You don't have to see her, and I would if I were you, IMO, I hate soundy bossy, I would stay away from her for an extended period. By praying for good for her, will change how you react. it works that way. The most important thing you can do now is look after yourself, and saturate your whole being with good things...I know your life has been painful, and I wouldn't even get into too much of that...do it in pieces...so as to not overwhelm your emotions. That is so dangerous for us addicts...when our emotions get so out of whack we can make stupid decisons.

My life has been a little difficult. Man I get the worst side effect, the sweats...I sweat exactly 10 mins after I take the sub and it last 5 mins..I take it in 2mg x 4's /day. so that is 4 episodes. It's at night, I lay down and as soon as my head hits the pillow I start to sweat and don't really stop, start to feel cool until 3-4 a.m. It's making me crazy. Plus I"m feeling more pain...my meetings have to be with my water aerobic group...I have to stay consistent. I had a back injury 20 years ago, low back, surgery, and now I guess I have some arthritis in there, so I have to keep moving it..if not sciatic pain...I had sciatic pain the right leg yesterday and left leg today...so sitting at the computer I'm in a small room not much leg room so I cross them...not good. OKay square my shoulders, put my feet flat on teh floor and type...lol..I'm doing it.

From the sweating my skin is breaking out...what could possibly be the reason fo rthe side effect to stay so long...I'm starting week 10...my doctor says it's withdrawal...could it be?

I will start that single thread tomorrow morning. I"m the first one up, Atlantic time, so it will be there for when you get up.....I do think us single people do have our own set of challenges...I know for me when I her the other women speak of how supportive there husbands are,and vice versa with men....I kinda feel sorry for myself and look at my cats and think do you care....do you know what mama is going through....meow meow feed me.....lol. I don't have any family close, and I have no meetings, that is why I pretend when I go to my water aerobics and am splashing around, I deep breath, and I always ahve a huge smile across my face and try and treat everyone as well as I can, because before when I went on the morphine, I just was alone...I had a hard time connecting or liking people, because i felt shame, and scared. and different, like I was an alien...I felt better with my few Christian friends because they knew I was taking morphine, but they were not too worried..because I seemed so stsrong...So I know I have different needs.

I have a couple of men friends, just friends, they are Christian, and they know about teh morphine and me getting off it and onto suboxone. My one dear friend Leo is a very diginified gentleman who lost his wife to cancer two years ago...He is the one who came over to be with me while I switched to the sub. He had no idea what it would be like and I was sick...we ahve a very funny relationship...he is 75, went to Cuba a few months ago, and was seduced by a 55 year old cuban woman who wanted to marry him...gee Ihad to save him from that one. HE wants a wife, and I told him it would take years for her to get here, and he doesn't have years....we laugh.. I guess I s hould save this for our single thread...off topic...

This place is my meeting...as i said earlier there is just one AA on Sunday nights and a town of 150 people I'm not going..people already talk about me because I'm a woman who lives alone in the country..I choose my friends..

A few times I have had a craving..I just didn't want to feel anything...sometimes I cry when I get off Skype with my 2 year old grandson who feeds me through the computer screen and kisses me...I bawl because I looked after him, his primary caregiver from the time he was 3 mnths until almost a year...I lived with my daughter in ONt so she could get her teachers degree...so I miss him so much and of course he doesn't remember that. I saw him last summer for 2 weeks and then last Christmas for 3 weeks.....I know for me, because with the morphine I didn't get the rush, just the deep feeling of peace and nothing hurt, if my body hurts, and my emotions hurt that is a trigger, and time for me to sit down, put my feet up and say it's okay that my body hurts a bit...I take a bit more sub, advil, and have a good cup of coffee and watch tv or read..

I want the freedom back I once had...I want to feel again, and relearn to be just me...

Okay that is my rant for the night...I miss all you guys when I havent' talked for a few days...would love to see pictures...how do you do that? We'll figure it out over in the Singles Thread....Promise tomorrow morning with my coffee, it will be the wee hours for you...except Jpotts are you in Maine? if so we are neighbours....lol

have a great night, and good karma to all ....blessings abound and angels surround.

Debra
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Unread 08-08-2010, 09:08 PM   #57
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Hello Debra, Salgod, and Darkeyes,

I just got back from a meeting for a few celebrants and one of them happened to be my daughters uncle which I had no idea that he even went to meetings. So he celebrated 16 years and the whole family was there. We don't really speak at all, my daughter goes to see them weekly but we don't speak unless we have to. Anyway very uncomfortable and I can only imagine what they are thinking now, I am so scared this is going to all fall back on me hard. I didn't talk to them there and left right after the meeting but I am feeling really bad about the whole thing. Maybe I should have stayed and explained myself, but why should I have to, these people have really done nothing for me.

Debra- I like the idea of a singles thread! I have been single pretty much my whole life, ya I have to kids but there fathers have never been part of there lives. I live in Mass not Maine, but we are still close. I also sweat alot, I didn't in the begining at all but the past 3 weeks its been crazy. I have never been a sweaty person and lately I sweat all the time!

Salgod- Yeah I started writing my steps but only on the 2nd part of step one and finding it very hard! I hope things are a little better with your sister, maybe you could tell her how your feeling? Maybe she doesn't no whats she's doing? I don't know I would just hate to see you not attend meeting because of the tension between the two of you! I don't really get along with my sister either, but I only have 1 sister and I try to keep our relationship going the best that it can, family is family were stuck with them!

Well I hope you all have a great night sleep well!!!
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Unread 08-09-2010, 12:38 AM   #58
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Debra,

That sweating side effect you are having got me researching what it could be. First of all, I think the doctor saying it's withdrawals after 10 weeks and detoxing on a short acting opiate (morphine) is kind of out of line. Again are you taking Suboxone and some people are allergic to the 2% of Naloxone that gets in the system.

Ask yourself, 1) Where am I sweating 2) I'm I breaking out in the same place where I sweat 3) What additives are they putting in the pool I do my water aerobics in 4) Since you sweat till 3 or 4 AM, is it hot or a cold sweat.

Personally, I don't think it's from w/d's. Morphine just doesn't have that long of a half-life. These are things it could be from the WEB MD site:

1. Anxiety, emotional sweating. 2. The cats, maybe they got into something you're allergic to. (I had three cats: Forbes, Gates and Sarah)
3. The naloxone? Rule that out by not taking the Suboxone at night before bed, take it 3 hours before bed. The water in the pool at water aerobics may be full of chemical and bacteria. You would be surprised what is in our drinking water, get a Brita system if you can.

Excessive sweating is called Hyperhidrosis and many things can cause it. Breaking out where you sweat is a normal thing, many people break out where they sweat. There is a tea called "Hushed Sea" that helps with the sweating. It is in the low 90's in Colorado, but the humidity is off the meter. It's raining like cats and dogs right now, thundering, etc. Tomorrow, the sun will come out, it will get hot and I will sweat all day, but I'm not breaking out. I like to sweat, gets the toxins out.

Pain can cause sweating especially with increased activity. I have arthritis everywhere. My left wrist, my right knee, my subtalar joints, my back in fact yesteday the doctor said I am going to need a total knee replacement. Crap. So I would do this:

1. To rule out the Suboxone, take it several hours before you go to sleep. Naloxone effects last 45 minutes. Very short acting. That's why if you OD on methadone they continue shots every hour. Naloxone is very short acting.

2. When I grew up in Newfoundland, they didn't put flouride in the water, thus the dentist can tell from my teeth I had a lack of flouride when I was young. So they probably, in 2010 compared to 1958 load the water up with chemicals, maybe the cause of the breaking out.

3. The cats. Make sure you groom them well, and wash them well at least once week. If you haven't, they'll get use to it, just don't use the blow dryer to dry them, it freaks them out.

4. At night is when we think of our lives, thus we may get more anxious at bed time. Anxiety cause a person to sweat and when you sweat you break out in that area.

5. Hushed Sea tea, helps with Hyperhidrosis (personally I've never heard about it.) Have you changed detergent lately, chemicals in detergent can have allergic reactions?

6. Is it hot and humid while sleeping? Get a fan and point it at you while you sleep.

I can't swallow the notion you are still detoxing, but you could be allergic to the Naloxone. Just take it 3 hours before beddie bye time.

The Water Aerobics could be causing the pain, and I would exercise and deal with the pain than stay idle.

This will probably get moved to the Side Effect forum. But you said this forum is your AA, so why move it.

As far as my sister-in-law, my dad hasn't even received an e-mail from her in three days, so maybe her brother-in-law is getting really sick in the ICU. I'll pray for her tonight. I will send her some Good Karma.

Good Karma, and let the sweats and breaking out leave your body.




jpotts,

You are doing the work of AA. And you are reaping the rewards. I wish I had kids, that is something God made sure I didn't have for some reason.

Hell, I might have been very, very successful if I had kids. Kids are the key to life. Life is about continuiing it. To continue life, we had to have children to carry on the family. Good job Potts.

Good Karma




DARKEYES,

When Linda said I looked stoned, and wasn't gonna take me to the meeting, I had a fit. I humbled myself, and went anyway. I'm only human, but for the most part I like to see people happy. In one nooner meeting, everyone looked so sad, so I told everybody: "It's OK to smile, we have a lot to smile about."

I am a giving, caring person who loves life, other humans, cats, dogs, raccoons, not to crazy about skunks around here, and all other forms of life. Life is the key to our existence. To continue life is to have a purpose to live.

I love Jazz, the Violin, Classical, Suzanne Vega, Lou Reed, old Rock, even some head banger music. I even like Rap. My ringtone is Snoop Doggy Dog (Gin and Juice). I gotta get to sleep tonight. It's 11AM MST, so after one more post, Nighty Night.

Tomorrow the Nooner Meeting, today laundry and rain and looking for a 12 amp Hoover Carpet Cleaning machine electric motor. I didn't make it to a meeting, but the laundry mat was like one, and I called some friends and told them how beneficial it would be for them to get off the methadone clinic and get on Suboxone. So I did some work today.

Good Karma




To send picture in the singles thread, you have to have a printer like an ESP 3250 Kodak printer ($69 at Wal-Mart) that prints documents and scans.

You simply scan the picture and after scanning is complete, the Kodak site asks some questions, one of them being if you want to e-mail what just scanned on USB. It sends the e-mail with the picture as an attachment. You can do it for documents also.

Anyway, it will feel more like an AA meeting when we know what each of us looks like. I think it would be fun. If they have Private Messaging on this site, you can be discreet about who knows your e-mail, so only the ones you want to know will know.

Good Karma
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Unread 08-09-2010, 07:17 AM   #59
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Hi all, just a reminder. Please protect your anonymity. That's why we ask that no emails be posted: http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=20262

Private information:

Protect your anonymity. If you identify yourself it may influence what you share and prevent you from being honest and forthcoming on the forum, reducing the benefit you receive. We have also received complaints about forum members receiving unsolicited emails. Please be very careful about divulging personal information to. This is an anonymous forum and you are not obligated to identify yourself in any way to anyone, including the admins. Please do not post your email address.


This is a public, anonymous forum, posting pictures of yourself could compromise your anonymity, that's one reason we only have 'stock' avatars. A thread to talk about the challenges of being single/alone is a good idea, but it should be kept with as much anonymity as possible - no pictures.

Remember that anonymity and privacy is extremely important here, especially with such a sensitive issue as addiction and recovery.

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Unread 08-09-2010, 07:38 PM   #60
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OK Nancy I get your drift. If I want someone to know my e-mail, I won't do it on this site. There is only one or two I could think of that I would like to just b*llshit with on the internet. I know that drugs are often what ruins connecting with people on this site. People offer to send drugs and a person is in w/d's, you know there address and voila, illegal activity going on this site. I thought a few years ago, that was happening. The only drugs I have is Metformin and Glyberzide for diabetes.

Good Karma
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Unread 08-26-2010, 04:51 AM   #61
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He screwed everything up taking methadone. He got into his own supply his mom was holding for him, shot them all up (I tell you for him is all about the rush) and you rush on methadone.

It's ridiculous and embarrassing he can even let him mom dole out 25mg a day. He had little or no tolerance, it's all in his head.

Maybe he will snap out of it one of these days.

Good Karma
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Unread 01-16-2011, 01:21 PM   #62
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You need some coffee?
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