Addiction Survivors

Notices

Reply
Unread 11-26-2010, 03:36 PM   #1
Ricanhavoc
Member
 
Ricanhavoc's Avatar
 
Posts: 76
Lightbulb ...but I already do these things....

Dear Group,
I don't understand something. My treatment team keeps talking about NA (I'm a former hydrocodone user) working the NA steps. Well, when I started on September, I read the steps and I already do these steps, all of them. I attended church regularly and all 12, I do. What if I already do these things/steps? I don't understand.
Thanks so much for any input.

Cynthia
Ricanhavoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-26-2010, 11:08 PM   #2
tlg
Senior Member
 
tlg's Avatar
 
Posts: 455
Default

Cynthia~
What exactly do you "already do?" Have/do you actively do step work, have a sponsor, go to NA meetings, ect? How is your recovery going, are you having some issues, cravings, triggers?

Sorry for all the questions, but wasn't really clear on exactly what you're asking?!

Is the NA/AA route the course of recovery you are wanting to take? Many people have done it without, I have tried it both ways, and have parents who are in the program and been in remission for a long time, but for me it wasn't what I chose to continue on with. If you are working the steps and ok with the way your recovery is currently going, then I don't see why things need to be changed. Sorry I wasn't abl;e to give you a better answer, but if you want to share a little more info about what your not understanding and what ur currently doing treatment wise...I'd be more then happy to give you my opinion!
Trina
__________________
We can't change the past, we can only make the future better!
tlg is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-27-2010, 09:12 AM   #3
toms
Senior Member
 
toms's Avatar
 
Posts: 880
Default

Being in recovery two months is great, but certainly not a time to be making huge decisions. In my past, I skimmed the steps and convinced myself I had "done all that". The thing is, we must learn to incorporate them into our lives each day, and we never "finish" with them. Rather than looking forward at the very beginning and deciding you don't need all this, why not jump in and give it a real try, say for a year or two?

It is SO easy to debate ourselves about what we feel is best for us, but isn't this another form of our control schtick? We all have a finite number of chances to "get it".
__________________
Tom S.
toms is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to toms For This Useful Post:
Thank You (11-30-2010)
Unread 11-27-2010, 02:08 PM   #4
Ricanhavoc
Member
 
Ricanhavoc's Avatar
 
Posts: 76
Default

TLG:

What I mean is that people talk about working the steps, but I read the steps and I have done all the things, and do the things listed in all twelve. Is this for people who have never had a higher power? I go to an outpatient treatment center here near me. Hot Springs Village, it is called Quapaw House. I attend two meetings in the OP program I am required to do this. They say to try to go to two or three step meetings a week. I'm trying to do this. I just don't understand, TLG, about working the steps when I have read them and they are things I have done or already do in my life. I think that the PAWs is really getting to me. I posted on the My Thread section just a minute ago about that.
Help?!
Thanks TLG!
Cynthia
(ricanhavoc)
Ricanhavoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-27-2010, 05:11 PM   #5
tlg
Senior Member
 
tlg's Avatar
 
Posts: 455
Default

Cynthia~
I've gone back and read all your posts on here to get a little better idea of your story. First I want to say I am sorry you're having such a hard time with all of this. Many of us think that once we get off the DOC and out of our active addiction, things are going to be so much better. I know I thought that, and it took me 2 tries in the end to get it right, b/c with the first time I tried, I felt a lot like you do now. I don't want to go too in detail about my story, but I will refer to is some.

When I first decided to get off my DOC, I placed myself in a 30 day in patient treatment center, and in there, they detoxed me with Suboxone. It helped so much with the WD's and cravings like it should, but also with the pain (I have chronic lower back pain, had a fusion done on my L5-S1 and have hardware in there now) I always have had an addiction problem, but once the back issues started and after surgery, it was just so easy to get those pills! Anyway, I was taken off the Sub in treatment once I was detoxed...and then life started getting hard again! I lasted 4-6 weeks out of treatment and in remission from active addiction before I went out and found my DOC again. I had all the tools I had learned (of course the treatment I went to was bassed on AA/NA) but I failed to put all of that to use. You've got those tools you've learned as well. You go to your meetings, you mentioned having a few friends, and you know what you HAVE to do to stay in remission, as I did. It took me going back out there for a few months and getting so far back into my active addiction and so much worse, before I was really ready to do it again! I don't think that's what it's going to take you! You are just having a hard time right now, but the difference is you are working your program, and just right here on Addiction Survivors, you've got SO SO much help. All the "friends" I made in treatment all went back our in their active addiction too, and so I felt alone, and like I couldn't do it. I only wish I would've asked for Sub when I got out and found this place then. But I learned a lot more between that first time outta treatment and the last time!

I only share this with you Cynthia, because now as I look back at that time, I see that I was feeling a lot of what you're feeling now. Although I wasn't on the Sub at the time, I still had all those feelings, and basically the best way I could some it up, was that I felt HOPELESS.

I have learned so much since then, that I wasn't hopeless, but I just had so much more to work on. I thought that after 30 days in treatment I was good to go. I had those tools I needed to go out there and live an addiction free life. I was wrong tho...I had a lot of tools I needed to go out and live that life...this life, but not ALL of them. I attended 1 meeting, and it was nothing like what I was use to. It was small and tho most the people were nice, I felt out of place, and so I didn't go to another. I had my own "program" that I thought was working.

I think that if you went out and tried to meet more people, that would help a lot. People who are in the program that you can get together with for dinner or coffee, or just hang out with or be able to call when you are going thru the hard time. I know I have always had a hard time trusting people, I seem to always get hurt, and I closed up after so long of that. I didn't want to let people in to my life in fear of getting hurt. Do you feel that way too? Or are you just a shy or quiet person who finds it hard to come out of your "shell"? If so, those are some things you will have to overcome as well. You don't have to go out and trust any and everyone, but you need to open up to people you find you could become friends with. Havinf people who've been thru and are going thru the same thing you are is a huge help! Do you have a sponsor? I even have close friends who have never been thru addiction, and have only seen people who've gone thru it, and tho they don't always understand the things I feel, I can still talk with them openly, and especially about things that don't have to do with addiction (family problems, money problems, or just needing someone to spend time with when I am having a hard time) I've always isolated when things get tough, and I've had to learn not to do that. It's the hard times when I really need to reach out to people and surround myself with people I care about! I know you said you live alone, and sometimes that's not always a bad thing, it gives you time to work on you and the things that need to be changed, and then you're able to chose when you want to be around people. I am sure it's hard on you being in a new place, and having to start over.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Have you been diagnosed with depression or anxiety? If so, are you being treated with any kind of medication? I remember some talk with you in chat, but sorry I don't remember details. Do you see a therapist? I know I was for whatever reason always against going th therapy, but the first time I went, it was so amazing to just be able to sit there and talk about everything that'd been bothering me! Those are just a few suggestions, which I am sure you are possibly already doing. Do you attend other meetings besides just the ones for the outpatient program? Do you have a sponsor?

Anyway, I just wanted to get back to you. I know you said you already do these things, but you can always work on it some more! Iit's like an everyday thing, and it's great that you are already doing it, but I believe it's something you have to continue to do for the rest of your life to be able and keep your disease in remission. I am no expert with AA/NA. I did work the program for a couple months, I know what it's about b/c I use to attend meeting with my parents, so I am no stranger to the program, but I am also not an expert. If that is the recovery program you are planning on continuing with then finding a sponsor and having s/he help you to work those steps is your best bet. We can't just read steps 1-12, and say I already do all of this. I found you have to go more into detail about them, sit down and learn what the real meaning of them are (which you will find those answers in the Big Book) and start working them in the way they are said to be worked. Again, I am no expert on the program, and I am sure if you had more in depth questions about working the steps, there are pleanty of qualified people in the program here who'd be more then happy to explain their opinion on on step work for you.

I hope this has helped you in some way Cynthia, otherwise I've just been rambling on for an hour. I like to think that the posts I share help at least someone out there in some way. People can take what they need from them, and leave the rest for someone else. I know many people post on here all the post all the positive things they have experienced while on Suboxone, how it's been a life saver and bettered their lives so much. It does and it has. But a lot of people haven't posted about the hard times they have had in the begining of their treatment. Many people like myself hadn't found this website until they were already well into their treatment program, but you are not alone. Many people have had the feelings you are having right now, and they've just had to find what worked best for them to get thru it! Everyone is different, just like how with the Sub effects them. But know you are not alone, and you can get thru this.

I wish you the best of luck, and as long as you stick with it, you will one day find your happiness and be able to take this hard time you're having now and be able to share it with someone else who is having the same problems and help them find happiness and hope!
Trina
__________________
We can't change the past, we can only make the future better!
tlg is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to tlg For This Useful Post:
Thank You (11-27-2010)
Unread 11-27-2010, 09:10 PM   #6
Ricanhavoc
Member
 
Ricanhavoc's Avatar
 
Posts: 76
Default Trina, thank you so much...

I think I understand what you are saying Trina. I have a therapist and a drug treatment counselor and attend two to three meetings a week. I know that this is all due to PAWs and that if I just make some friends I'll be okay.

Thanks for writing so much, I appreciate you so much.

I'm going to just take one sublingual strip 8mg/2mg I think that it may be making me not right, if you know what I mean. I feel that two strips daily is too much, that would be 8mg/2mg of the sublinguals.

You guys are so good.
Thank you for your posts.
Cynthia
(ricanhavoc)
Ricanhavoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-27-2010, 09:14 PM   #7
Ricanhavoc
Member
 
Ricanhavoc's Avatar
 
Posts: 76
Cool no sponsor

Quote:
Originally Posted by tlg View Post
Cynthia~
I've gone back and read all your posts on here to get a little better idea of your story. First I want to say I am sorry you're having such a hard time with all of this. Many of us think that once we get off the DOC and out of our active addiction, things are going to be so much better. I know I thought that, and it took me 2 tries in the end to get it right, b/c with the first time I tried, I felt a lot like you do now. I don't want to go too in detail about my story, but I will refer to is some.

When I first decided to get off my DOC, I placed myself in a 30 day in patient treatment center, and in there, they detoxed me with Suboxone. It helped so much with the WD's and cravings like it should, but also with the pain (I have chronic lower back pain, had a fusion done on my L5-S1 and have hardware in there now) I always have had an addiction problem, but once the back issues started and after surgery, it was just so easy to get those pills! Anyway, I was taken off the Sub in treatment once I was detoxed...and then life started getting hard again! I lasted 4-6 weeks out of treatment and in remission from active addiction before I went out and found my DOC again. I had all the tools I had learned (of course the treatment I went to was bassed on AA/NA) but I failed to put all of that to use. You've got those tools you've learned as well. You go to your meetings, you mentioned having a few friends, and you know what you HAVE to do to stay in remission, as I did. It took me going back out there for a few months and getting so far back into my active addiction and so much worse, before I was really ready to do it again! I don't think that's what it's going to take you! You are just having a hard time right now, but the difference is you are working your program, and just right here on Addiction Survivors, you've got SO SO much help. All the "friends" I made in treatment all went back our in their active addiction too, and so I felt alone, and like I couldn't do it. I only wish I would've asked for Sub when I got out and found this place then. But I learned a lot more between that first time outta treatment and the last time!

I only share this with you Cynthia, because now as I look back at that time, I see that I was feeling a lot of what you're feeling now. Although I wasn't on the Sub at the time, I still had all those feelings, and basically the best way I could some it up, was that I felt HOPELESS.

I have learned so much since then, that I wasn't hopeless, but I just had so much more to work on. I thought that after 30 days in treatment I was good to go. I had those tools I needed to go out there and live an addiction free life. I was wrong tho...I had a lot of tools I needed to go out and live that life...this life, but not ALL of them. I attended 1 meeting, and it was nothing like what I was use to. It was small and tho most the people were nice, I felt out of place, and so I didn't go to another. I had my own "program" that I thought was working.

I think that if you went out and tried to meet more people, that would help a lot. People who are in the program that you can get together with for dinner or coffee, or just hang out with or be able to call when you are going thru the hard time. I know I have always had a hard time trusting people, I seem to always get hurt, and I closed up after so long of that. I didn't want to let people in to my life in fear of getting hurt. Do you feel that way too? Or are you just a shy or quiet person who finds it hard to come out of your "shell"? If so, those are some things you will have to overcome as well. You don't have to go out and trust any and everyone, but you need to open up to people you find you could become friends with. Havinf people who've been thru and are going thru the same thing you are is a huge help! Do you have a sponsor? I even have close friends who have never been thru addiction, and have only seen people who've gone thru it, and tho they don't always understand the things I feel, I can still talk with them openly, and especially about things that don't have to do with addiction (family problems, money problems, or just needing someone to spend time with when I am having a hard time) I've always isolated when things get tough, and I've had to learn not to do that. It's the hard times when I really need to reach out to people and surround myself with people I care about! I know you said you live alone, and sometimes that's not always a bad thing, it gives you time to work on you and the things that need to be changed, and then you're able to chose when you want to be around people. I am sure it's hard on you being in a new place, and having to start over.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Have you been diagnosed with depression or anxiety? If so, are you being treated with any kind of medication? I remember some talk with you in chat, but sorry I don't remember details. Do you see a therapist? I know I was for whatever reason always against going th therapy, but the first time I went, it was so amazing to just be able to sit there and talk about everything that'd been bothering me! Those are just a few suggestions, which I am sure you are possibly already doing. Do you attend other meetings besides just the ones for the outpatient program? Do you have a sponsor?

Anyway, I just wanted to get back to you. I know you said you already do these things, but you can always work on it some more! Iit's like an everyday thing, and it's great that you are already doing it, but I believe it's something you have to continue to do for the rest of your life to be able and keep your disease in remission. I am no expert with AA/NA. I did work the program for a couple months, I know what it's about b/c I use to attend meeting with my parents, so I am no stranger to the program, but I am also not an expert. If that is the recovery program you are planning on continuing with then finding a sponsor and having s/he help you to work those steps is your best bet. We can't just read steps 1-12, and say I already do all of this. I found you have to go more into detail about them, sit down and learn what the real meaning of them are (which you will find those answers in the Big Book) and start working them in the way they are said to be worked. Again, I am no expert on the program, and I am sure if you had more in depth questions about working the steps, there are pleanty of qualified people in the program here who'd be more then happy to explain their opinion on on step work for you.

I hope this has helped you in some way Cynthia, otherwise I've just been rambling on for an hour. I like to think that the posts I share help at least someone out there in some way. People can take what they need from them, and leave the rest for someone else. I know many people post on here all the post all the positive things they have experienced while on Suboxone, how it's been a life saver and bettered their lives so much. It does and it has. But a lot of people haven't posted about the hard times they have had in the begining of their treatment. Many people like myself hadn't found this website until they were already well into their treatment program, but you are not alone. Many people have had the feelings you are having right now, and they've just had to find what worked best for them to get thru it! Everyone is different, just like how with the Sub effects them. But know you are not alone, and you can get thru this.

I wish you the best of luck, and as long as you stick with it, you will one day find your happiness and be able to take this hard time you're having now and be able to share it with someone else who is having the same problems and help them find happiness and hope!
Trina

I don't have a sponsor but if I keep going to meetings maybe people will start to talk to me and I can get one to go out with for dinner or coffee. you know.

I also take Cymbalta 120 mgs. a day and Buspar 10 mgs. per day but I don't feel like it is doing anything. Not really, if I stopped I guess I would know but .well who knows.

maybe I can find soem more people here in the Hot SPrings area soon.
Thanks again so much.


Cynthia
Ricanhavoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-27-2010, 10:40 PM   #8
toms
Senior Member
 
toms's Avatar
 
Posts: 880
Default

Talk to your doc! If you are on an adequate dose of suboxone, you won't have withdrawals or cravings, and certainly not PAWS.
__________________
Tom S.
toms is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-29-2010, 12:50 PM   #9
MaJaBe
Senior Member
 
MaJaBe's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,206
Default

ricanhavoc- honestly, it does take a while to make friends in the rooms. The reason that has been explained to me is this: the people in there have seen so many people come in and out, that they tend to not really try to get to know you and help you until they see that you're going to stick around.
I'm not saying that this is right, but they're human, just like you and me, and they tend to not want to invest a whole bunch of time and energy on someone that they're not sure really wants to surrender, and try that way of life.
I would suggest going to as many different meetings as possible, NA/AA/CR/SMART, ANYTHING you can find, try it all, and give all of it more than once chance.
I'm glad that you understand the 12 steps, but reading them over and comprehending them is not really "working" them. "Working" them is getting out a huge notebook, and writing and writing and writing, and sharing your answers with a sponsor.
In the beginning of the stepworking guide, it says "The only wrong way to work these steps is ALONE". Which means- get a sponsor, and formally work the steps. The green & gold stepworking guide is a great way to do it. But you do need a sponsor to really get something from the program. If/when you do get a sponsor, you'll really be introduced to alot more people, invited to functions outside the rooms, and to just hang out with other people in recovery. You can't truly work the program of Narcotics Anonymous by just going to meetings. It's not enough.
I hope you give it a chance, it has truly changed my life.
J
MaJaBe is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-29-2010, 03:03 PM   #10
Jamesisdone
Senior Member
 
Posts: 990
Default

What exactly do you mean by "all this is due to PAWS" ??? If you are not experiencing any withdraw symptoms then you do not have PAWS. I'm sorry for the question I'm just not sure I understand why you say you have PAWS. Can you elaborate? so we can help? Thanks


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricanhavoc View Post
Sub zero--------

I am taking 8/2mg. I see every day that the hydrocodone use really altered my brain. I wish I had known it would do this, but we just take what our doctor gives us. I am nervous, that is the worst part. Anxiety and nervousness. Fortunately, no physical withdrawals.

(Ricanhavoc)
Jamesisdone is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-29-2010, 07:41 PM   #11
Ricanhavoc
Member
 
Ricanhavoc's Avatar
 
Posts: 76
Default

Well I am not having withdrawals. The drug treatment people are telling me this. What I apparently am having is NOT PAWS according to what you said about me not having withdrawal symptoms.
This must be just deppression and anxiety.............

I hope this makes sense....Thank you for telling me about PAWs. Unless someone else wants to chime in on your post to me.....

Cynthia
Ricanhavoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 11-30-2010, 08:57 AM   #12
MaJaBe
Senior Member
 
MaJaBe's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,206
Default

Hey Cynthia-
Yeah, PAWS is basically what happens after you stop taking an opiate, and after all the really bad withdrawl symptoms. It tends to be just lingering exhaustion, insomnia, and RLS, from what most people report. Not everyone has PAWS, tho. The more you read on here, the more you'll get to see different people's experiences with that, and how most people that do the things required for recovery and taper correctly don't get them.

I understand about the anxiety and depression. I suffer from the same things. I found out that when I was abusing opiates, it basically just masked my depression and anxiety, and I needed to get more serious about treating those conditions. I'm currently in the process of tapering, and I find that the lower I get, the more my anxiety shows itself. I had a really good appointment with my doctor yesterday and we discussed that. Try to remember that the sub doesn't cause anxiety and depression. Sometimes people think that it's the sub, when it reality these are feelings/conditions that people already had, but when opiate abuse stops, these feelings/conditions appear/reappear, because we're no longer numbing ourselves and self medicating with large amounts of opiates. Maybe talk to your sub doc about these things, or your psychiatrist. I hope you feel better soon.

Best,
J
MaJaBe is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to MaJaBe For This Useful Post:
Thank You (11-30-2010)
Unread 12-11-2010, 09:12 PM   #13
TIPSY
Junior Member
 
Posts: 13
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricanhavoc View Post
TLG:

What I mean is that people talk about working the steps, but I read the steps and I have done all the things, and do the things listed in all twelve. Is this for people who have never had a higher power? I go to an outpatient treatment center here near me. Hot Springs Village, it is called Quapaw House. I attend two meetings in the OP program I am required to do this. They say to try to go to two or three step meetings a week. I'm trying to do this. I just don't understand, TLG, about working the steps when I have read them and they are things I have done or already do in my life. I think that the PAWs is really getting to me. I posted on the My Thread section just a minute ago about that.
Help?!
Thanks TLG!
Cynthia
(ricanhavoc)
Its interesting whenever ive gone to AA or NA meeting i would genuinely be confused and ask members questions such as 'So how exactly does this help?' 'What exactly are the steps?' And they wud give me the answer that is written in the book but (mind me im not making a statement this is just in my opinion) i felt like they had no clue ether, but believed it so much that they wud say a phrase that makes no sense to them and believe it. But where never able to understand.. And soon enough they would avoid me because they had no answer for me,
TIPSY is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 12-11-2010, 09:24 PM   #14
Jamesisdone
Senior Member
 
Posts: 990
Default

Sorry I just got back to you but Majabe said what I was going to say about the PAWS and anxiety and depression. I just want to add that while in active use of our DOC it masks the feelings of depression and anxiety and A LOT of other things like pain and feelings etc... so thats what we have to work on. I also found working on figuring out and eliminating my triggers was a HUGE part of my recovery as well. Good-Luck to you and keep us posted
Jamesisdone is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 12-12-2010, 03:01 PM   #15
Ricanhavoc
Member
 
Ricanhavoc's Avatar
 
Posts: 76
Default

Dear J,
Thanks for your response to my post. I guess it was making a lot of things, the opiates.
This is hard.
Cynthia
Ricanhavoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 12-12-2010, 03:03 PM   #16
Ricanhavoc
Member
 
Ricanhavoc's Avatar
 
Posts: 76
Default

James,

Thanks for your post. I will continue to try. Each day is really hard.
I appreciate you.
Cynthia
Ricanhavoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 12-13-2010, 09:21 AM   #17
MaJaBe
Senior Member
 
MaJaBe's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,206
Default

Cynthia,
Yes, it is hard. But it does get better. I'm struggling with depression right now. There are some things going on in my life, and I'm generally just unhappy. I was very depressed for the last week, and just in the last two days, started to come out of it. Not that anything about my situation has changed, but I got it off my chest. I talked to my network, I talked to my pastor, and basically cried and got it out. And now I know that I'm the only one who can make my life better, and I need to have a plan. So although I don't have anything set in concrete, just knowing what I might want to do, what I need to do, and having information for some counseling, and planning on using it.
All we can do is the best we can, just for today, to be as happy and healthy as we can.
I hope you're feeling better,
J
MaJaBe is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 12-14-2010, 08:24 AM   #18
MaJaBe
Senior Member
 
MaJaBe's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,206
Default

Hey Cynthia,
Just wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing today. I hope your anxiety has subsided, or at least gotten a little better. Are you going to any therapy, and do you still attend NA? Therapy might be a good way to learn to deal with your anxiety, so it doesn't control your day. I know that's a miserable feeling.
Anyway, check in when you can, have a great day, and you CAN do this!
Best,
J
MaJaBe is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 06-05-2012, 01:24 PM   #19
Carlos
Member
 
Posts: 86
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricanhavoc View Post
Dear Group,
I don't understand something. My treatment team keeps talking about NA (I'm a former hydrocodone user) working the NA steps. Well, when I started on September, I read the steps and I already do these steps, all of them. I attended church regularly and all 12, I do. What if I already do these things/steps? I don't understand.
Thanks so much for any input.

Cynthia

That is a typical experience. I had the same sense when I read them. I said I surely do this. If I make a mistake (maybe not promptly) but I do
have a mechanism of correction that works well.
Carlos is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 06-09-2012, 10:39 PM   #20
KatherineW
Junior Member
 
Posts: 19
Default

My name is Katherine and I am an AA, an al-anon and have occassionally found that taking pain meds gave me the benefit of shutting off the situational depression I was going thru. My own experience with the steps was that I did them with first one sponsor and then when I moved with another but I didn't really reach out an make myself vulnerable enough for anyone to get to know me. Today, as I am beginning my "program" over because my addict has made my behaviors so sick mentally and emotionally that I am reacting out of emotions as a knee jerk respose. I have let myself become isolated and angry and resentful and a b.... I have been the one to get up an be the "good girl" who goes to work, I have been the one to turn on Christian radio and go to church and read the Bible (periods of reading then not).... The church has been my refuge but I have struggled with my own feelings of fallng short of perfection. Otherwise, why would my life look like it does - I must not be doing something right or doing somethng wrong. I have apologized, given, served, given to the church, etc. Questioning why don't I have more faith. The "step" that really hits me is the third step where I have to say just for today let me do your will, just for today let me be sober and not engage in the non-sober behavior. Then my emotions (fear, anger, anxiety, lonliness) actually make me react. The ability to share me vulnerably - saying I am hurtig or good or excited, etc. - is the focus of my touching base with others in these programs.

I did have a year in my AA program where I was really happy. I was connected to other people and we had a group that would do pot lucks once a month. We would just sit around as friends and it always seemed like some aspecct of the program in our life would come up as a topic. It was very natural sharing. We did fun things and nobody judged and nobody compared. I remember just before getting involved in that group sitting in a meeting feeling on the outside while others went for coffee. I brought it up and someone suggested that I just pose a question in the meeting and that tons of people would come up afterwards to talk to you.

Currently my husband attends meetings with me - he has been around the rooms as a constant relapser and always avoided doing a proper written 4th step. I listen to him make comments (not always nice) and I understand that the difference between his perspective and mine is that he is looking at the differences and I am seeking the similarities. To his credit, he does much better at home with the principles I think sometimes than I do. An al-anon told me that the addict is addicted to drugs and al-anons are addicted to the addict. Based on that statement I relapse about four times a week. Any way, we are on a journey. I wish you the best in your recovery from the hydrocodene. P.s. I don't know if you have seen the NA book - the language and stories are a little more modern and I think easier to read.

Much love,
KatherineW is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to KatherineW For This Useful Post:
Thank You (06-10-2012)
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:54 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2014 Addiction Survivors