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Unread 05-30-2010, 11:41 AM   #1
blackthorn
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Default Trying to get my husbandto listen

ok so i am on suboxone i started one month 3 days ago. I have beed an addicted to something in one way or another my whole life. but thats a whole other thread. ok so hre i go I have been married to my husband for 8 yrs. I have been using perk 10's fr 12 yrs it took me alot to amitt i had a problem. So the night before my appointment. I hide my use for yr from him. Everytime I try to talk to him about what I am going through he always tells me that if i go back to using "u have a lot to use" or "you wont have to worry about me Because i will be gone" I don't understand i need to talk isn't he suppose to be part of my support network? I have no real support network. My doctors office is there for me more then anyone else. I have all of these feelings and all of these things to say. I am going through all of these changes and i am not sure how to handle it.
As far as some of threads they have helped and i thank all of you for the help. I just need some ideas on how to get him involved. anyone have any ideas? I feel like i am alone unless i am on this web site or here to help. And yes i knowi have to start counseling i am working on trying to find a group in my area i live in upstate ny. Any Ideas?
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Unread 05-30-2010, 03:45 PM   #2
TIM
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Hi Blackthorn,
I just mentioned this in another thread, but I think it applies here too. See if you can get him to watch the HBO special "Addiction" http://www.hbo.com/addiction/thefilm...html?current=5 It really It is a great documentary and explains addiction is scientific terms you can watch it on the computer for free or buy it here http://www.amazon.com/Addiction-Cour...5244475&sr=8-1 Your husband might think "tough love" is helping but that's because he doesn't know that it is brain alterations that influence addictive behavior not because you aren't aware of the consequences or need to be threatened with them.
Tim
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. Voluntary Disclosure: Timothy L. is the President of The National Alliance of Advocates for Buprenorphine treatment. (NAABT.org) The views and opinions of Timothy L., or any poster, are not necessarily the views of AddictionSurvivors.org. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider Any information you read here should only serve to inspire you to investigate further with credible, verifiable referenced sources or your doctor.
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Unread 05-31-2010, 06:02 PM   #3
blackthorn
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Thank you Tim I am going to send him the link after i watch it myself. I watched most of it. Its perfect THANK YOU SO MUCH i am going to talk to him when he comes back in the room

Last edited by blackthorn; 05-31-2010 at 06:19 PM..
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Unread 06-03-2010, 10:51 PM   #4
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Hey Blackthorn,
Welcome to the site. I am new also.... Am entering into my 12th week of subs.... I have a similar story -- 10 years addicted to percs/vics/ -- 10 to 15 a day (or more...) and my husband didn't know. He doesn't want to know and won't talk about it. He hates that I am "chatting" online. He thinks its wierd..... We have 2 kids and have been married for 15 years.

I have gotten used to NOT having him involved and was heartbroken when he said he didn't want to be involved. But someone pointed out that he (my husband) is angry and feels betrayed and I guess I really never thought about it like that! Two sides to every story.

So try to think about this from his perspective... and find your support elsewhere for the time being. I was able to do just that and now I think my husband and I are closer. He is so much kinder to me now than he was before I stopped using.... It is all very interesting -- really.

I know it is hard though and you need support. Come here. I try to log in every night and check in. OR go to a group meeting. Though I have a hard time with groups.... LOL Oh well. Just some ideas. Give your husband some time. He may/may not come around -- just stop expecting his support. That was huge for me! It was hard, but I got over it.

I am so much happier now! Keep writing! FAD
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Unread 06-03-2010, 11:00 PM   #5
OhioMike
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Have him watch my story, the link is below, as it has my wife in it and maybe her comments can help him.

Mike
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Unread 06-04-2010, 08:39 AM   #6
blackthorn
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Default A` new Begining with Hubby

Good Morning FAD I did what Tim suggested i sent him the link to HBO Additction and he has been a lot beeter i can even somw whhat talk to him. I know he feels hurt because i have over the past few trs told him i quit but justkept going. When i told him i was starting Suboxone I told him the night before my appointment to start. Then when we where talking loadly about it ( My drug use) the other day before mY thread started i said to him that he may have not said anything but he knew in the back of his head he knew all along he walked out of the house he had a Firehouse meeting he txted me about 30 min later and said he did kinda know but was using the don't ask don't tell. Any time you wanna talk let me know i am not as good as the older members but after he started with the HBO special tim sent he has been diffrent even asking how i am doing.

ohiomike there is no link please send it
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Unread 06-04-2010, 09:45 AM   #7
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Hey Blackthorn,
That is so cool that your husband openned up the link! That is huge. I am going to try the same, though I don't think my husband will go along. Meanwhile, I did have a bit of a breakthrough with my husband..... This morning on our way to work (we carpool together) I asked him a question -- I said, "are you upset about my drug use because you think that I did this because I am missing something in our marriage?" and he said, "no, I am upset that you did this because you have been a raging lunatic for the past 10 years and the lying and deception are more than I can take." WOW is all I can say to that one. I don't think I have been a "raging lunatic" I mean, our kids are great..... I have held down my job and am doing really well...... So I can't believe he said that. I asked him if he really thought I was actually a raging lunatic and he said yep..... AGH...... I mean honestly I don't think that can possibly be true! How can one raise 2 fantastic kids, hold down a fairly decent job as a Coorindator for a large institution and be the President of the PTSA and be a raging lunatic???? Okay this is way off topic...... But seriously! LOL I better get going......

I am so very happy for you. Now I need to work on my husband! Have a great day.
FAD
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Unread 06-28-2010, 08:39 AM   #8
blackthorn
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Good Morning FAD
So hubby did read the additction series howevery And Yes it didi help but he is not that understanding all the times. Now that i have been in the sub program for 2 months and 2 days and Yes i keep tract the here to help websit does it ok back to the topic on hand. Its what my doctor calls it the realy me is coming out ands acoording to my husband "I don't know what the hell is wrong with you the last few months" DUH this is me sober so listen as Nancy would say and if i am wrong please put me in my place Its ur time to be selfish, its time for us to care of us!" Did I get it right Nancy? in closing FAD there are somany changes going on don't make any rash decitions Just yet we also have to regain there trust. I do not know yor storie but i have been lying to my husband for 12yrs.
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Unread 06-28-2010, 08:55 AM   #9
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Hi blackthorn, yes, absolutely right. It's time for you to be selfish and work on you and take care of you. It's your goal to get healthy so that you can help and/or take care of your loved ones when you're strong enough. And it's also your time to get to know yourself after numbing your emotions for so long with your former drug of choice.

Be gentle on and good to yourself.

Nancy
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Unread 06-28-2010, 09:08 AM   #10
blackthorn
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Thank you Nancy !! You Have been a life saver!!!!
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Unread 07-26-2010, 02:09 PM   #11
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blackthorn,

Please get off the suboxone as soon as possible. I'm telling you right now that the stuff is poison, far more physically and mentally addictive than any other opiate or opioid (for me and for thousands of other documented sub users). Please read my post I wrote to Chellie.

There are other sites to let you know the real truth about buprenorphine, if you PM me I will let you know. Do not let yourself go any longer, start tapering NOW. Your sanity and life depends on it.

Just to let you know, there is 1 buprenorphine advocacy board, and 2 anti-buprenorphine message boards. There is a reason for that, and you will find out why within a few years if you stay on the sub. Then it will be too late.

God bless, I'm praying for you.

P.S. They will probably not let me PM you the names of the anti sub boards. Just know that there are 2 of them. If you find one, you will be able to find the other. One of them has 72,000 posts of people suffering from the crushing effects of long term sub use.

Last edited by JamesContin; 07-26-2010 at 02:12 PM..
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Unread 07-26-2010, 02:19 PM   #12
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I apologize, I am Opi who posted above. I couldn't find my password for this account and thought that it was listed under an email address I no longer have access to. My apologies, I will use this account from now on.
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Unread 07-26-2010, 02:44 PM   #13
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blackthorn,
Just ignore this guy. He’s posted here before, check his history, and has no clue about addiction or buprenorphine. He’s right about one thing, there are other sites with others who are equally as uninformed as he is. We’ve tried to explain things to him, but he doesn’t appear to read or retain any of it.
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Unread 07-26-2010, 04:24 PM   #14
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The "real truth about buprenorphine"....great info is sure to follow!
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Unread 07-26-2010, 04:32 PM   #15
MissSurvivor
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That guy's a trip!!!!!!!!!!
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Unread 07-27-2010, 12:21 AM   #16
JDK613
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I don't know what this guys problem is....maybe he doesn't remember how 'crushing' withdrawals are from our d.o.c. Please, Please, PLEASE people don't listen to him...sub saved my life & many others.
Isn't this the same guy who misused his sub by crushing it up & snorting it?? No wonder why he's in the postion he's in.....
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Unread 07-28-2014, 04:29 PM   #17
DebbieRdmn0810
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James Contin, you are so right about Subs. Highly addictive and horrible withdrawals and the longer one is on them, other things will occur. It changes the physiology of your body. Please everyone, this is a short term, weeks, not months and months or years solution.
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Unread 08-15-2014, 10:44 AM   #18
Carey
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Hi everyone!
I'm new to this site, only been on subs for a few months, & I just had to reply
Suboxone is literally saving my life!!!
I have crohns disease, a debilitating & extremely painful auto immune disease
Because of the pain I have on a daily basis, I have been on percocet every day for the last 5 year's, I have tried to quit, I've used everything short of illegal drugs to get off perks, but I'm sure everyone else on here, like me, couldn't get past the 3rd day, by that time, I would be in utter torment! Severe dehydration, restless leg syndrome, insomnia, every bone & muscle in your body screaming for relief, extreme body cramps, skin so tingly even your clothes hurt, weakness so severe you can't walk! Maybe that other guy can preach against subs while sitting on his high horse of self righteousness, but for me, I thank God for subs! I can detox while living a semi normal life, I thank God I no longer have to hospital hop because I ran out of pills early, and I thank God I don't have to feel ashamed anymore, I can finally live my life

I'll get off my soap box
Sorry but I just had to express myself!!
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