Addiction Survivors


Unread 03-04-2014, 12:18 AM   #1
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Default New and had a bad week plus

First off thanks for sharing all your stories. They are a tremendous help with just understanding a little more of the alcoholic psyche. You guys are some strong people . I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I found out a little late in the game he is a alcoholic as I had already fallen in love. I should have quit the first time I broke up with him but like many thought or hoped I could make a difference.
He is a binge drinker. He can go many months without drinking at all then boom he drinks himself comatose for several days. Usually when his body can't take anymore he dries out usually after a trip to the emergency room where they know him well. This last one was the worst started drinking Thursday before last. Got him to go to a counselor with me on tues. Said he was going to wean himself off when therapist suggested detox.
Came home from work on Thursday to him being completely wasted which turned me into a shrew. He called detox on Friday and they said they could not take him until Sunday night. It was like they gave him a license to go all out. It was so terrible . He ended up in emergency on Thursday night tried again on sat to go but sat there for 6 hours before he gave up. Went to take him to detox last night and got there and it was admittedly in a scary neighborhood and a bit ummmm bottom rung. Scared him to death and he would not stay.
Came home and started in on the begging for another drink even though he could barely walk slurring words, ect. I was so fed up discouraged and just done I could not take any more. After he pestered me to the point I first went and hid in my truck. He fell down the stairs and hurt his wrist then all I heard was take me to the hospital which I refused as I needed to go to bed and sleep for work today. To get away from him I went and slept with my daughter with a locked door and left my phone in my bedroom where I would not have to listen to it.
Got up to go to work to find that he had called an ambulance and they did admit him. I went to work anyway. I still love him but I don't know what to do. He has said he won't do this again and will get help but I'm not sure that he is ready for that. The last week plus was so hard and I feel so conflicted numb and to be frank I don't know what to feel. He has nowhere to go, no job and says he is suicidal if I leave him but all that really makes me feel is manipulated. I've done a ton of reading and I know now I can't save him only he can just don't know if he is a strong enough person to do it.
I can't understand any of this as I've never been addicted to anything and don't drink at all. I know it's a disease and many can't help the self but I know I can't live with it it in my life. He is not abusive and other than being the ultimate child like old master manipulator pest that bugs bugs bugs you until you give in he is innocuous other than to himself. I just hate to see him like that. I want to support him if he truly wants to end this but I have my doubts which makes me reserved and standoffish which drives him batty. Never ending circle. Sorry for the long post just so confused right now.
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Unread 03-04-2014, 08:00 AM   #2
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im so sorry you are going through this. I hope he does get help. life is short and he is going to miss it under the cloak of alcohol..our prayers are with you.

i have lived with alcoholic for 26 years. when i first met him. he had just come out of rehab. in my case, husband had an underlying issue like manic depression and was self medicating. things took at turn for the worse this last 2 years. i left last fall when he went into a giant rage. thought he was going to hurt me. he attacked his brother over a weedeater. attacked somone at lowes, and got arrested for attacking another man. there were probably drugs involved as well. so alcoholism is a road to poor health and a trap.they often humiliate themselves and family. do things they wouldnt normally say or do. the entire american culture is beer, football and fun. some people should learn to have fun without the alcohol. the minute they start to feel better, they start right back drinking. my husband never quit. he has been drinking a case a day for 2 decades. not good math. helpthere is nothing i can do for him. i used to try and steer him away from bars and booze. tried to get him into hobbies. sadly it was his destiny to drink himself to oblivion. hes in denial or everything..
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Unread 03-04-2014, 07:42 PM   #3
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Supporting him doesn't mean you need to take care of him. You already have one child to care for - you shouldn't have to take care of an adult version.

He doesn't sound all that determined to me to seek help. He could be going to AA instead of getting stinking drunk while waiting to go to detox... If he really wants to get better - he will find the help and he will find a way.

If he lost his license and called you and asked if you could take him to an AA meeting, that would be one thing.... Being in your home, manipulative, hurtful, never ending circle of crap...... YOU DESERVE BETTER.
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Unread 03-05-2014, 07:30 PM   #4
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+1 to everything 1418 posted.

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Unread 03-10-2014, 03:47 PM   #5
stuck here
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So sorry I have been married to an Alcoholic for 20 yrs .I so wish I had gotten out before 3 kids. I am married to much older man who most people think is my father I am ashamed to tell people hes not as I have had many people say why did I marry him? so old.I lost my dad and he was there like a father for awhile until Alcohol took over. I so wish I wasn't married but financially im better off no job skills and my kids still in school. When he is normal hes bearable but like today hes awful I have never loved him but he was a nice person guess it was easy he worked in good job and ive had it easy financially .I have no pension he gets a good one but it ends when he dies but I don't know what to do. If you have no children take care of yourself financially my mistake relying on a man easy way out. have seen so much My kids have seen him fall down stairs ambulance comes thank god we have insurance. I have started going out hope one day find a new love been living separate many years and he knows how I feel I have met some nice friends to go out with but its scary out there im so lonely. I am working on paying down all my credit cards as last year I got depressed at spent myself in to debt .I feel for my kids as they don't have a real father we don't do much together as he spoils it by drinking. Most holidays hes found away to get drink I booked a holiday in June but I don't want him to go because he will spoil it. Sorry I took over but think carefully I was I had.
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Unread 03-11-2014, 11:45 AM   #6
R. Lee
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stuck here, Prepare for a life without him.
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