Addiction Survivors


Unread 04-28-2015, 10:45 PM   #1
Junior Member
Posts: 1
Unhappy Not sure what to do.....

Hello everyone! I'm very new to all of this so bare with me. My husband is 34yrs old and I'm pretty sure he's an alcoholic. I want to start this off by saying he is the most amazing human I've ever met. I truly think he's my soul mate. He's a stellar father to our 2 kids, handles all of the finances perfectly, is a hard worker at his job, spoils the children and me with everything our hearts could desire. He doesn't drink often, but when he does, he doesn't know when to stop. It varies from super obnoxious, not dangerous, but pretty sloppy, to can't hold his head up, falling asleep in cars and on the porch in a chair. The issue is he runs a club and has full access to all the alcohol he could ever want. He has a problem with driving when he gets this intoxicated and it's infuriating because he's endangering so many lives, as well as his own. His dad is normal and that's who he was raised by, but his mother is currently a relapsing alcoholic and recovering drug addict. He would never drink in front of the kids, alone, during the day time, etc. so how do I know if he's an actual alcoholic or just an a**hole that gets over the line sometimes. It's affecting our marriage because he comes home too late when he goes out and drives and has clouded judgement and I have no clue if I'm over reacting, which he sometimes leads me to believe. He has never been aggressive or out of control with me or anyone around him, he just parties way too hard and it scares the crap out of me. I love him so much and don't want him to end up in jail or worse. He's admitted he has a problem and refuses to go to AA but he said today (after an incident last night - the first one in like 2 1/2 months) that he's sorry and he's done.. No more drinking, at all. I'm just having a hard time believing him and knowing what to do to help him.

I apologize in advance because I know there are people on here with issues way worse than mine and I don't want to seem disrespectful because I know my problem isn't horrible. I just don't know where to go from here.
Aprsmomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-29-2015, 06:56 AM   #2
Posts: 25,466

Hi Aprsmomma, welcome. Please don't feel you need to apologize! You're going through a difficult time and it's affecting you and your family. It sounds like your husband is a binge drinker and should not drink at all if he can't stop once he starts. Like you said, he's not only putting himself in danger, but way too many innocent people when he drives impaired or if there is an emergency at home and he is in no condition to act on it properly.

He's admitted he has a problem, which is huge. But doesn't mean too much if he doesn't want to get help for it.

When you can, take a look at this site:
There's a lot of information for the family/friends. Do you think he would think about seeking medication to help? There's naltrexone, which doesn't stop anyone from drinking, but reduces the amount by inhibiting the effect/pleasure from drinking. There's also antabuse which will make someone sick if they drink while taking it. Bot of these medications can be taken on the days he will be going to the club.

Another thing you could do is write him a letter explaining how you feel, how his drinking is effecting you, your kids and relationship. Not in a threatening manner, but state the facts and what you are feeling. Leave it where he can read it alone. Sometimes that is very helpful for the person to actually read instead of listening (and perhaps not 'hearing').

You must also take care of yourself and your kids.

I hope this is somewhat helpful. Let us know.

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NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-30-2015, 10:05 AM   #3
R. Lee
Senior Member
Posts: 4,984

Aprsmomma, Welcome to the site. I am a recovering alcoholic. As Nancy said it is good that your husband has admitted he has a drinking problem. Looks as if he has a problem with alcohol. He is the one who has to do something about it.

There are groups that support the family of alcoholics such as Al Anon you can go to if you need support.

I wish you the best & hope he wants to get help. I could not get sober on my own.
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Unread 05-20-2015, 07:00 PM   #4
Senior Member
Posts: 427

I'm not sure if he is an "alcoholic" or has a problem with alcohol... But either way - he is not in the category of "not having an issue at all with alcohol."

Based on your note - it is of my opininion if his drinking is impacting your marriage - it's an issue. He sounds like a decent guy. I can't imagine he would be okay with his kids waking up one day to no daddy and a mommy left being sued by a family with loved ones killed in a drunk driving accident.

Please keep coming here. This site was the reason I was able to keep my head on straight. Dealing with a person who has alcohol issues gets very confusing. Keep posting. We are here to support you.
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