Addiction Survivors

Notices

Reply
Unread 03-30-2013, 07:08 PM   #401
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

Thank you for posting. I was wondering what was going on, worried for you.

I second what Lee said. You need to make sobriety your first priority above all else. All your goals will be for naught if you continue to drink. It seems there is a part of you that still does not want sobriety. It is easy to continue to drink...... It is hard to change. Reach out to your supports. Have you been attending meetings???? I don't want to seem like I'm preaching to you but you need to make changes to your life, your outlook on sobriety if you want to succeed.

We care. We have been where you are. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Think through that next drink Tryn.

Take care, stay safe, and stay in touch.
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (03-30-2013)
Unread 03-31-2013, 07:16 AM   #402
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Tryn, You dropped out of "sight" for 5 days, now you are making all kinds of excuses as to why you cannot stop drinking...If I were there I would take those bottles of hard cider and throw them against the wall. Yes, even in your brand new flat! I would actually throw an old fashioned temper fit about it all. Sure you could go right back out and get more but I would hope that you would think a little harder about it all and that you would understand that your life depends on you getting sober and staying there. You are isolating and that is the wrong choice if you want to get better. You even shut us out for 5 days. Me thinks you do not have too many more "bottoms" to hit, please think about all of this. Alone you cannot achieve what you need to. Please seek out help. You are worth it. Please keep in touch. We all care.

nan
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-31-2013, 07:29 PM   #403
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Hi Tryntryagain, I've been keeping up with your thread here and wanted to throw this out there. Have you you thought about getting a prescription for naltrexone? Although it won't make you stop drinking, it may help in lessening the amount that you drink while you are still drinking.

http://www.alcoholanswers.org/treatm...-treatment.cfm

About Oral Naltrexone (ReVia®, Depade®)
Naltrexone is an opioid antagonist, which means that it occupies the opioid receptors in the brain without activating them; and blocks opioids from attaching to the receptors. In the treatment of alcohol dependence, it is not completely understood how the mechanism works, but preclinical data suggests that the opioid receptors are involved with alcohol dependence. Thus, the blocking action of naltrexone to the opioid receptor is thought to reduce the pleasurable effect of alcohol, and, in turn, reduce alcohol consumed in one sitting and reduce heavy alcohol consumption days.

Naltrexone does not stop patients from consuming alcohol, nor does it precipitate any physical symptoms when alcohol is consumed while the patient takes naltrexone.

ReVia and Depade are the oral formulations. The average dose is 50mg once taken daily.


I did see that it's available in the UK:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Alcohol...Treatment.aspx

Just wanted to throw that out there as an option for you.

Please be careful and take good care.

Nancy
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to NancyB For This Useful Post:
Thank You (03-31-2013)
Unread 04-01-2013, 03:25 PM   #404
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Hello everyone, and thank you Nan, Saint and Nancy.

I feel suitably chastised and i know it is all well meant. Nan i do not need a reason to drink, and was not putting up reasons as to why i am. I was simply trying to put a context round where i am. But i take what you say on board. I am actually inbtween Dr's at the moment and i hope that will be resolved in the next few days.

Nothing is getting easier, and my efforts of description as to what is going on for me ever changing and my spirit is low, my motivation ebbing after each crisis slowly away. The next few days are taken in that i have to go out and ctually try to keep this new roof over my head, as financially the govermnment has stopped my income. I don;t know why, but i will find out all about it tomorrow and then i will know what it is i have to do to save it. Anyway, i do not wish to go on, it is apparent through feedback that once people want to start throwing things around me, it's time to back off. My intentions was to try and find ways though my issues. To navigate a safe passage to the future. There have been times i truly felt as if i was making moves and things were changing, but here i am. I look forward to experiencing those feelings and times again. I told you what i was drinking because i wanted to be honest, and with that in mind will try to address the amount i am drinking over the course of this week.

I would like to extend my thoughts to anyone reading this who are struggling. There is a way out, there must be. Hnag on in there.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-01-2013, 04:27 PM   #405
NancyB
Administrator
 
Posts: 25,466
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tryntryagain View Post
...Anyway, i do not wish to go on, it is apparent through feedback that once people want to start throwing things around me, it's time to back off....
Hi Tryntryagain, I hope you didn't take offense to the phraseology I used when I said 'throw this out there'. It's a common phrase here in the US which means to offer an idea that maybe hasn't been thought of yet. I absolutely meant no harm; I only wanted to present an idea that I hadn't seen offered yet that may be useful.

Please don't back off posting - I didn't see you as 'going on' about anything. I know everyone cares about you and your wellbeing.

Again, I hope I didn't offend you in any way. If I did, I'm truly sorry.

Good luck tomorrow with finding out about your income. Fingers crossed it's a simple thing to remedy.

Nancy
__________________
Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
NancyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-01-2013, 05:50 PM   #406
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

Thank you for posting! Alcoholics drink. That's what we do when active in our disease.

Tryn I didn't see anyone chastising you. We were being honest in our response as you were being honest with us. None of us have a magic wand to 'cure' our disease. Simply not drinking is not the answer but that is where it must begin. Once sober we need to work on the reasons why we drink. That is the hard part, was the hard part for me. It's easy to escape into an alcoholic stupor, I did it, I lived it. To address the reasons we drink means we must face ourselves. Some things I didn't like about myself, still don't, but I work on them. Progress not perfection. I'm human, I will make mistakes. forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. Learn to love yourself for who you are.... You can't control the outcome in life but you can control how you react. That's how we stay sober. Some people can walk away from alcohol. Some need support groups, AA being an example. Some need intensive therapy, rehab, etc. The message being, do what works for YOU.

You say you are back where you started. I disagree. You've learned a few things along the way. You learned what didn't work. Some things did work. You were sober for a time... Find what worked for you and move on.

Sobriety needs to be your priority. Put that as number one in your bubble of things to do. Every day, every minute of every day if you need to. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. You know that. And I know I am only one drink away from being where you are today. I have no control over that, for that is a fact.

Alcohol is poison to me. 'Fatal if swallowed'. 'Seek immediate medical help if ingested'.



Stay safe,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-01-2013, 06:27 PM   #407
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Hello tryn, good to hear from you! I surely hope you get your income straightened around. I know that has to be stressful. Put it in its place and focus on getting better. Nothing else matters if you are not well.

I am over my temper tantrum. It was only because I care so much and hated to see you almost giving up again. Saint is sure right, you are not back where you started. You have made lots of progress-you are keeping in touch with us, and being honest. No one is claiming this climb of yours is going to be an easy one-but it is doable-and I know you can do it. That is why I am pushing-just trying to help.

I hope you are eating and hydrating-very important to keep that up. Good luck in finding the right dr. NancyB gave you some good info about the medication. Hopefully you can look into that and ask the dr about it if you think that might be helpful for you.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. When we don't hear, that is when we worry. Take good care of yourself-priority.

nan
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-01-2013, 07:34 PM   #408
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Tryn, Good to see you back. When people no longer show up here my mind takes me to where I don't want it to go concerning you.
You are aware of your problem & want help. You chose to drink rather than reach out for help before you pick up.
I have been here with you since you 1st posted. You are worth being a sober happy man. Hugs
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-01-2013)
Unread 04-02-2013, 11:29 AM   #409
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

You're not alone.

We're right here with you.

And we're not going away.


Stay safe,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-03-2013, 10:34 AM   #410
jenm
Senior Member
 
Posts: 976
Default

Tryn!

Please post and let us know how you are doing. No matter what, we care for you and want the best. No one is here to judge you. In my life, there is only one judge. No one wants to throw things around or throw them at you. I am Nan's daughter and she has thrown plenty of tantrums about my addiction! Trust me, I have lived through them and know that she loves me and wants the best for me. She is one of the most caring and considerate people I have ever known, and no I don't say that just because she's my mom! She is an amazing support and only wants to help us.

No matter what is going on, please let us know how you are doing. We are truly all in this together. We really are. And we care! Please take care, Jenm
jenm is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-03-2013, 01:26 PM   #411
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Hello everyone. These messages of support are quite overwhelming. Thank you all so much. So much.

I have managed to navigate my way through practical issues, and i am now in a much better position because of it. It has been an almighty struggle. I get stressed at the drop of a hat, it is a huge problem for me. I seem to live between dealing with my anxiety, and not. I do make mountains out of molehills, i do not know why, but i can't help it. It drives a destructive energy within me, it is this i struggle so much with.

I still believe very much i will be dry. I know on the tips on all your tongues is likely to be, "you're not trying hard enough", that may well be the case, but i am trying.

Thank you once again, actually it is more than support, thank you all for your love. There is life in the old dog yet.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-03-2013, 04:15 PM   #412
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Tryn, I suffer from anxiety & depression. I take prescribed midication for these issues.

When I drank the medication information said do not use with alcohol. Being an alcoholic that did not pertain to me so I drank & took the medication. This is just one more example of how out of control I was.

There is no judging you on the tip of my tongue. You are a alcoholic & alcoholics drink. I'm a recovering alcoholic & I'm trying as hard as I can to stay sober just for today.

I see a lot of I's in your post. I can't stay sober by myself.

I use a support group to help me stay sober. One of those groups is coming in here & just making suggestions to the alcoholics who want help. That is part of my program to stay sober just for today.

Just for today try not to drink. It works.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-03-2013, 05:53 PM   #413
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

Thanks for posting and glad to hear you have your practical issues straightened up.

Tryn, for me it's not about trying hard to stay sober.....it's accepting that I can't drink, because I have no control over alcohol. The struggles we face are only compounded by alcohol use, it flames the fire so to speak. We need to learn to live life on life's terms without using. Yes there are trials and tribulations but there are also good times. These events are all best experienced, lived through, sober.

I've heard it is not uncommon for alcoholics to self medicate themselves for anxiety, depression, etc. Not saying that's the case with you, just something to consider.

Today I was thinking of how well you had been doing a few short weeks ago. Just wanted to ask what your plan is going forward?

Take care and thank you for the update.

Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-03-2013, 06:15 PM   #414
Frankie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 543
Default

Hi Tryn, Had to add something I heard at a meeting from a young Marine. He said don't poll vault over mouse turds. Of course it went right over my head at the time because I new better, I'm not like that, I'm different, I'm better than that,,thats stupid, but it stuck somehow. I still drank of course, but thats exactly what I was doing with most everything in my life.

Frank
Frankie is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-03-2013, 09:37 PM   #415
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Hello tryn, glad you have some of your practical things straightened out -you do sound relieved about that. How about the dr situation? I am hopeful that you will consider asking about medication that can help you-with any other disease one would seek out medical attention and alcoholism is no different. I have never heard of anyone saying they had cancer but were going to beat it with sheer willpower. Seek out a source of treatment that is going to help you-you cannot do it on your own. "New" science shows that brains are altered due to alcoholism and it takes time and support to get back to "normal".

Interestingly, one of the medications, campral, has been used in Europe since the 1980's and was only approved in the US in 2004. So it looks to me as though Europe is ahead of the US in recognizing the necessity of medications to help alcoholics. Won't hurt to ask and do a little research. I always say it takes a strong person to admit that they need help along the way-and I think you are a strong person.

I am glad to hear from you, keep us posted. Best wishes,

nan
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to nan For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-04-2013)
Unread 04-04-2013, 09:32 AM   #416
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Hello everyone, and thank you, thank you, thank you.

Today i feel positive. I have eaten over the last couple of days and made a concerted effort to feel strong. Saint has really hit the nail on the head. For me it is about "self medication". It has been for most of my life. Knowing that however for me does not detract from the fact that i am an alcoholic, my feelings about why at this time, immaterial. I am and i am going to die unless i stop.

Saint i want to chat about to you about "i can't". You see i believe that. But in all my years of therapy and whatnot i was catagorically told that if i thought that way "i stood no chance". I was told that if i said to myself i can't it would never be sustainable. Only if i "wanted too" would i succeed. Consequently each time i say to myself "i can't" instinctively i disregard it, prefering to jump from being extremely ill to total and utter perfection in a heartbeat. I may be being "typical alcoholic" in that i am "finding ways to justify" my drinking, but in my heart, i do truly believe i have a "block" and i feel taking on board i can not drink would be beneficial right now.

I had a therapist once i looked up to in awe. R Lee reminds me very much of him. He would not waver from the facts. We would have furious sessions where i would question everything, almost demand explanations for "me", and of course what came back to me, horrified me. I refused to believe it. Goodness me, this man told me it would kill me!!!!....What nonsense. I will live forever, i am "above" all the nasty things that happen to people.

Hello? >> 20 years later. I hear his words as he was NOW speaking to me. It is why this forum is helping me to save my life. Here, he is all around, truly.

Make no mistake in the last few weeks i have feared for my life. Saint you asked me what my plan of action was, and Nan, R Lee, (since yonks back), it is all about support. Like it not, i mean don;t get me wrong....i really, really, really want to be able to.....but i can not do this on my own, and it is the isolation of my alcoholism, (apart from the bleedin obvious), that is driving me into my grave. But deep inside me is this, ummm, "force", that will not accept that i am incapable of dealing with this. Yet I KNOW IT. It is if as though by "giving in", i've "lost". However, making it to 47 has it's benefits. Others experience has taught me that my last words might be, "see?....i won" I am trying to make 2+1 make 4. It can't happen however much i want it too.

I shall get to a meeting this weekend. Anyone will do.

Thank you everyone, i wish you all really knew how much i mean that.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-04-2013, 09:53 AM   #417
jenm
Senior Member
 
Posts: 976
Default

Hi Tryn!

I'm happy to hear you positive, and that you have eaten. I really get what you're saying. I "self-medicated" the anxiety and depression for a really long time. Many do. I also understand that little voice that says "I'm weak" - when surrendering to this powerful disease. There is no winning in this. I can't tell you how long it took me to realize this, but somewhere along the way, with help, I did.

From everything you have written, I really believe that you want to get better. I believe that you want to live a life without alcohol. In the book it tells us that we can be "happy, joyous, and free". When I first read that, I thought, "Yeah, right! But you don't know ME. I am so much DIFFERENT." Turns out, I'm not.

Sometimes I would look at the clock. I would break down 24 hours. I would set a goal of not drinking until 12 noon. Then I would set another little goal. All of this with help and support of course. All alone gets my mind telling me all kinds of other things. This is why we all need each other!

Take care, don't drink today, eat food, and keep posting. Jenm
jenm is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to jenm For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-05-2013)
Unread 04-04-2013, 10:56 AM   #418
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Tryn, You can't drink because your an alcoholic & you don't know what you will do if you take that 1st drink. You do have to want to get sober & do the things that have been suggested. So both statements make sence to me.
Don't pick up when you have that next urge to drink.
Stay sober through that next urge & keep adding time too it until you can stay sober for 24 hours. Then try the 1 day at a time & ask for help before you pick up.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to R. Lee For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-05-2013)
Unread 04-04-2013, 04:29 PM   #419
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

I have no problem saying I 'can't' drink...... because I 'want' to stay sober, actually I will stay sober. I will do what it takes to stay sober. That is my plan, simple though it may be. If something is not working for me I 'will' try something else. I have been sober for some time now and I am thankful for that. I accept I am powerless over alcohol. While I was drinking I felt weak for letting alcohol control me. I HATED myself for who, what I was. In sobriety I was finally able to forgive myself, learn to LOVE myself for who I am. Love myself inspite of the fact I have no control over alcohol. Today I don't feel weak. I ACCEPT I have not control over alcohol. Doing so has allowed me to regain control of my life. We all know we will die. That we accept, it doesn't mean we are weak. Accepting I am powerless over alcohol has allowed me to regain control over my life, to live my life....without alcohol. I accept that and am at peace with that. I don't struggle with myself about alcohol.

Tryn, yes, yes, yes you are capable of sobriety. I see you fighting with yourself. Acceptance is not giving in, it is not losing... it is about being. Being yourself, forgiving yourself, loving yourself today for who you are. I hope my words make some sort of sense. I feel I am not capable of expressing how peaceful I feel when I say 'I can't drink'. I don't fight it, I accept it. It is after all, part of who I am. Today I love myself despite all my 'faults'.

I wish you peace my friend,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-06-2013), Thank You (04-05-2013)
Unread 04-07-2013, 07:17 AM   #420
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Hello everyone. Jenm, R lee and Saint, as walways, thankl you so much for your motivation support and understanding of me and our illness.

I am positive and have just dropped in to say that i'm off to a meeting this evening. I feel motivated to go. Notthinking about it in terms of building anxiety around it. I just know when the times comes this afternoon i shall make my way.

Hope over despair my friends.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all. (I feel as if i can actually see you all)
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
2 Users Say Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-07-2013), Thank You (04-07-2013)
Unread 04-07-2013, 02:32 PM   #421
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

I hope you make some new friend!. Best of luck Tryn.

Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-07-2013, 05:20 PM   #422
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Tryn, That is great news. Keep doing what your doing.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-08-2013, 10:18 AM   #423
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Thank you sooo much everyone.

You know i have been here before. Because of such i am not going to, (this time), cartwheel around all over the place.

I now know i have another chance. Meeting tonight. I feel good about it. I have started listening. I had no idea what that meant, what value there was in it, the most ironic thing of all, is i have physically big ears!!

Funny ole world!!.

I'm off to go and make some sense of it.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-08-2013, 03:36 PM   #424
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,


I'm happy for you. It takes what it takes. Overly simplistic I very well know but the phrase 'fake it till you make it' comes to mind. Once I got past the denial and moved to acceptance things became sooo much easier for me. As always, my continued best wishes for you Tryn. You got this!

Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-08-2013)
Unread 04-09-2013, 09:13 AM   #425
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

Curious how your meeting went? Hope you're having a good day!

Take care,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-09-2013, 11:48 AM   #426
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Hello tryn, Just checking in to see how things are going. Curious about the meeting and what your plans are for today. Hope all is well.

nan
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-09-2013, 04:30 PM   #427
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Tryn, Keep doing what you are doing.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-11-2013, 10:48 AM   #428
jenm
Senior Member
 
Posts: 976
Default

Hi Tryn!

I'm anxious to know how your meetings went and how you are doing. I'm thinking of you! Jenm
jenm is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-11-2013, 12:46 PM   #429
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

Hope you find yourself doing well today.

Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-11-2013)
Unread 04-15-2013, 09:58 AM   #430
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

Hope all is well with you. Not trying to poke and prod but let us know what you've been up to when you have a moment, how things are with you.

Take care,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-15-2013, 11:15 PM   #431
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Tryn, Lets talk about what is going on.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-16-2013, 09:42 AM   #432
jenm
Senior Member
 
Posts: 976
Default

Hey Tryn -

As you can obviously see, we are all thinking about you and wondering what is going on. Please check in, let us know how you are! Jenm
jenm is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-17-2013, 04:24 PM   #433
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Hello Tryn, Ok, it has been over a week now-time to talk to us. Are you still listening?

nan
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-17-2013, 10:56 PM   #434
Hope1228
Junior Member
 
Posts: 15
Default

Hi there try and try again
Hope1228 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-17-2013, 10:59 PM   #435
Hope1228
Junior Member
 
Posts: 15
Default

Sounds just like me.
Hope1228 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-18-2013, 08:53 PM   #436
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

What scares me is we might never hear from him again.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-19-2013, 12:26 AM   #437
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

We all care for you and want the best for you. Believe in yourself Tryn, you're worth it!

Believe.......

Stay safe my friend,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-19-2013, 01:21 PM   #438
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Hello tryn, I sure hope you haven't given up. Come back when you are ready, we will still be here.

nan
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-22-2013, 05:47 AM   #439
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Hello everyone,

I apologise for dropping off the radar of late. I became incredibly disillusioned with myself. The struggle i have been having recently not something i wish to repeat. I have actually been working so very hard and i have been given a massive lift after winning an appeal against my Government which has been hanging over my head for a year and a half. I have to say that it has taken an enourmous amount of pressure off me. It is fair to say now, that after many months of uncertainty my affairs are now firmly in order.

The elephant is still in place in my living room however. I have not given up, far from it. I really do now have a "clear run" in that i have nothing else to focus on other than my sobriety. I have been guilty of thinking that i could not stop until this had happened or that had happened. Well it has all happened now, it has gone in my favour and yet i feel totally disconnected from myself. I have been spending a great deal of time on my own and i can tell you that it is not a healthy thing to do. My self loathing almost became bigger than me, and for a few days i felt it was critical.

Coming to this forum consistently and "not getting anywhere" was leaving me feeling terribly useless and ashamed. I was embarrassed at my ineptitude. I was concerned that friends here were getting cross and irritated with me. I have been given so much love and support from you all that it was hurting me not to be able to produce the goods worthy of all that love and support. I thought after all this time folk here would give up on me as i have had so much of your time and attention, i just feel, well, terrible about it.

Anyway, i need you all. Time for me to start again from a much better place in terms of my enviroment, and my personal affairs, so here i go again. Please don't give up on me.

As an aside i would like to pass on my condolences and sympathies for the fear and shock that has befallen the USA of late. My heart goes out to you all.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Tryntryagain For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-22-2013)
Unread 04-22-2013, 11:13 AM   #440
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Tryn, Welcome back. So glad to the that your problems with your country came out in favor of you.

Thank you for thinking of the U.S.A. & Boston.

You don't have to be concerned with us here about your drinking. We should not judge. We should offer suggestions.

Simple fact is your an alcoholic & can not take one sip of alcohol or you revert back to where you were.

Simple message think that next urge to drink through. You can stay sober by working a program of one day at a time. I suggest you use a support group. Get phone numbers & call someone before you drink.

My best to you.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-22-2013, 04:50 PM   #441
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Tryn,

Thanks for posting, giving an update. I for one was thinking perhaps you were gone for good or in rehab, which would have been the better alternative. I care and worry for you more when I don't hear an update....

Active alcoholics feel the way do. You're not letting us down. Only you can ultimately help yourself. We are here to give you our advice, suggestions, such as they are based on our experiences. I travelled the road you find yourself on today, share many of the feelings you are experiencing. We understand.

I am happy to hear you have your affairs in order but I must tell you one can always find a reason to justify our drinking. You don't need to have your ducks lined up in a row to stop drinking. You just need to, well do it. But you must want it more than anything else. It needs to be a priority, a mind set, that above all else you will strive to be sober.

Welcome back Tryn!

Peace,
Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Saint For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-23-2013)
Unread 04-22-2013, 05:09 PM   #442
Frankie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 543
Default

Welcome back Tryn and please don't think for a second that anyone here gives up on you when you drink. I played around this forum for two years before I finally pulled the trigger on drinking, but I still have little nasty thoughts that maybe I can have a few beers occasionally, but when I think it all the way through I know it's bs and nothing more. Glad to see you posting.

Frank
Frankie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Frankie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-23-2013)
Unread 04-22-2013, 05:35 PM   #443
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Frank I am so happy for you!

Saint
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-22-2013, 05:36 PM   #444
michaelc232
Senior Member
 
michaelc232's Avatar
 
Posts: 527
Default

Hey there Tryn. I have followed your story on and off for a while now. I think you are a beautiful person who longs to love life, just because its life, without seeing it through the haze of alcohol. I have only been sober for a month now, but in that month there are many things that I have learned. When I first truly took a shot at sobriety it was because I had a near death experience. I had left a party and a guy drunker than I was had the steering wheel. I was too drunk to care at the moment, but when I woke up the next morning the memories of the car swerving in and out of traffic, almost running off the road and nearly killing us flooded my mind. I knew in that moment that I should be dead, but I had been given another chance at life. I stayed sober for almost a month and then relapsed. I relapsed 3 more times before I finally said my last goodbyes to alcohol. The crazy thing was that each time that I relapsed, I got right back up and kept going. That was something I had never done before. I had always relapsed and went on long binges, but this time it was different. Each time that I got back up, I got stronger. Finally I was able to kiss alcohol goodbye. The best lesson that I have learned is that there is Power in Perseverance. Choosing to get back up and keep at it, not letting my past failures define me, moving forward in spite of my downfalls. It's a beautiful thing when you can look failure right in the face and say "I am moving forward regardless of you." Another thing that I learned is that if I am to stay sober, I must stay busy. Before my sobriety my life consisted of doing things that I absolutely had to do (laundry, grocery shopping, work, etc) and drinking. Since sobriety I have become the outreach coordinator at my Church, I now manage our Church coffee shop, and I committed to a new diet (I lost 13 pounds so far!). Anyways, for me, alcohol had to be replaced with things that filled me with joy, peace, and emotional reward. Because of these things I can stay sober. If I choose to isolate and become lazy within myself again, I will drink. That's the hard truth for me. Anyways, I hope that hearing a little bit of my story might help you with yours. You can do this, I believe in you, and you help keep me sober! Blessings!

Michael
michaelc232 is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to michaelc232 For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-23-2013)
Unread 04-22-2013, 09:42 PM   #445
Saint
Senior Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,364
Default

Beautiful and heartfelt post Michael!
Saint is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-22-2013, 10:31 PM   #446
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

Michael way to give back what was so freely given to you.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-23-2013, 03:01 PM   #447
Tryntryagain
Senior Member
 
Posts: 3,249
Default

Hello everyone,

Michael, thank you my friend, thank you so very much for sharing you, with me. As you so elquently already know, i can relate to evry single word you said, what's more, i know where they came from. Thank you. Saint, i have always felt a special connection to you. It is hard to say in the face of all here that have given me life saving support.

"you just need to, well do it", how right you are. Yes, my ducks are all on a row now, at least as much as a row as i am ever going to get them, but as Michael so beautiful said, "i just want to love life", as much as my ducks are in a row, i feel stupid for acknowledging this, but my heart is so very heavy. What i believe i have done is run a race. It was a race between me and alcohol. Throughout this race ihave done my damndist to stay "ahead". To complete the tasks of everyday life, again Michael, to go and drink. I would rush through tasks, to go and drink. All throughout this race i thought so long as i was completeting my chores and tasks adequately, i was winning.

I have run this particular race, it has taken me years, and years and years. Here i am now in my new home, with everything i could possibly need around me. So i won the race.......or so i thought. My heart is heavy, because alcohol was already waiting for me at the finish line. Infact, i have realised that i have lost and could not possibly win.

The rest of the week is important to me. I am going to put my best foot forward and stay dry for a day tomorrow. R Lee is an inspiration of honesty and reality. I just know R Lee, that your advice would be a day at a time, and get support. I will try my friend. Frankie, it gives me strength to know that others have found this as darn confusing as me, so, so, uuuuggg, just......swear, swear, swear....damn it!

I want to stay gentle, and become focussed, compassionate, emotionally capable and divert the strength that i seem to have for other things so i can fight this dragon that has got as close as scorching my eyebrows. I am so frightened of dying.

Thank you all for this support, i really need it right now.

Michael, thank you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
Tryntryagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-23-2013, 07:14 PM   #448
R. Lee
Senior Member
 
Posts: 4,984
Default

You can do it Tyrn.
R. Lee is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-23-2013, 08:07 PM   #449
nan
Senior Member
 
nan's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,398
Default

Hello tryn, So glad you popped back in to let us hear how you are doing! I hear your heavy heart and it makes me so sad. I do wish you had someone there to give you support, in person, as well as accountability. When one isolates it is so much easier to not put changes into place.

I had also put, in a previous post, a terrific book that just might be of some help to you, it is, Healing the Addicted Brain, by Dr. H. Urschel. He speaks of many things, including medications that can assist one during treatment. I do wish that you might consider the possiblity of getting some medications that would help you through this difficult transition. You have a disease that is treatable today with some of the modern medications designed to assist alcoholics. In the "olden days", white knuckling was the only way, not so anymore. Anyhow, this is the last time I will mention this, don't mean to harp on it. I am just in favor of anything that can help a person "get well".

I posted a link to this essay on the other site but was really thinking of you, too, when I posted it. Hope it will bring you some peace. I have complete faith in you to keep on the path and take things just one day at a time!

nan
http://www.thestationessay.com/
nan is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-23-2013, 09:14 PM   #450
Frankie
Senior Member
 
Posts: 543
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saint View Post
Frank I am so happy for you!

Saint
Thanks for the kind words Saint. I just wish I were as happy as you. Ha! I'm basically putting one foot in front of the other knowing that if I picked up it would ruin everything I have worked hard for not to mention waking up the next day knowing it would be a grueling 4 mo. waiting for the urge to leave me. I guess thats called thinking through the first drink huh?

The changes that I see in everyone here is amazing to me. You, me, lee, Michael, Tryn, others, etc. Michael's post sort of set me back on my heels! The growth that most here are going through is unbelievable. Just shows ta go ya that if you want something bad enough you will just do it. Thats all. Glad that you're here Saint.

Frank
Frankie is offline   Reply With Quote
One User Says Thank You to Frankie For This Useful Post:
Thank You (04-23-2013)
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:45 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2014 Addiction Survivors