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Unread 08-02-2014, 04:50 PM   #1
survivor77
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Posts: 1
Default adult addict living with sibling addict and family

4 years ago I did a stint with The Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation program and while the tools of recovery that I learned that I have with me today are priceless and invaluable they cannot prepare you for everything. My biggest challenge since my step into the world of recovery has been adjusting to living with an adult younger sibling and mother who still practice the enabler/addict relationship. This relationship between them has existed for nearly 30 years. What is completely unexpected is that I am the bad guy and he is the good guy. Complications prevent me from being able to just leave and go out on my own to establish my own life. My mother is in her later years in life and I want nothing more than for her to be at peace with herself and to not have to spend the last few years of her life going without only to provide an addict the means to support his habit. I am looking for qualified short "note" documentation regarding the enabler/addict relationships that can bring light to this particular situation as much as possible. Finding the right things to say and do is often a very big challenge. I am not a huge fan of time invested group therapy and would prefer to do my own reading. I would be interested however in possibly talking online with another addict or two that has or is experiencing a very similar situation in their life.

Thank you so much
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Unread 08-03-2014, 09:11 AM   #2
NancyB
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Posts: 25,466
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Hi survivor77, congratulations on getting your life back!

As far as your mother and brother, I did a little looking around and found a few things that were interesting. It sounds like they also have a codependent relationship along with your mother enabling him.

Codependency:
http://www.clearviewtreatment.com/dr...nt-parent.html
http://www.thehillscenter.com/family...your-children/

Enabling:
http://www.reneweveryday.com/blogs/d...bling-a-child/

Here's a couple of threads from RIX in the Alcohol forum dealing with about the same thing you are:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=28872
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=29003

He hasn't posted in a while, but it might not hurt to post in that Family and Friends forum also - it gets a little more traffic than this one. It doesn't matter the substance, addiction is addiction as are codependency and enabling.

He has recommended the book "Codependent No More' to others.
http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No.../dp/0894864025

Do you think that your mother would at all be receptive to any of this after 30 years?

Most importantly, take care of yourself!

Nancy
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