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Unread 07-25-2016, 03:40 PM   #1301
Millie
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Yep, what they said. Hugs to you.
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Unread 07-26-2016, 10:12 PM   #1302
lostdog
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oh we haven't forgotten you, don't forget yourself, you can get through this. Miss ya!
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Unread 07-26-2016, 10:35 PM   #1303
iamtrying
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Thank you all...

I am Ok... just taking one day at a time...

I am delaying everything for my son's shake...but i am moving along...

i should say...after lot of this time...one day looks good, and one day looks ugly....but i am so strong that i can flip and move along

work is going good...i have hired few interns and coaching...sometimes i laugh and sometimes i cry in the bathroom...looking at my state and here i am coaching these kids....well overall looks good...i have my emotions to hide...and persona to change as needed...i feel under control.

my drinking has come down but not stopped...i am trying hard...i will...the triggers are bad ...all the triggers that come in my mind which i cannot explain...

i love you all...you are there for me...feels so much better...

Thank you from bottom of my heart

- Iamtrying...
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Unread 07-27-2016, 12:44 AM   #1304
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Thanks, Saint. Iam, he speaks the truth. You are no less in our eyes. We are the one group who absolutely understands. Love, Susie
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Unread 07-27-2016, 04:31 AM   #1305
Sam Bailey
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Hey IAm,

Totally sucks to be in the place you're currently in. I wish it were not so, that you live each day with so much darkness. Yet IAm? It is less dark than it once was, don't you agree? I mean, you do sound better. Light still exists in your life. You've just sorta wandered to the outer fringes of it.

Goodness. You have displayed such an impressive character for such a long time. Your reports, often daily, that marked yet one more day of clearheaded sobriety, impressed us all. Not just that, however. More than "just that," you were a living, existing! testament to the reality that one CAN live without booze.

You can be that again, I do believe. And though you may scoff, I think you'll end up being the stronger for it. Stronger, and even better, a more admirable. more impressive example that, as human, we sometimes fall, yet it's in the getting back up that proves one's mettle.

You're still hurting. Now you are. And I so wish I could ease your pain and heartache. I cannot. Only you can end it, but first, I suppose it has to work this way, but first you have to walk through it. As you are now doing.

You are a good man, friend. And a strong man, whether or not you accept this truth right now.

best,

sam b
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Unread 07-27-2016, 06:58 AM   #1306
Tryntryagain
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Good morning dear I Am Trying. Bright blessings to you.

Ok, i know things are really challenging at the moment for you, yet boyy!!....it is soooo good to hear from you. So good.

The biggest thing you have in your favour for me, is that you have done this before. You have done this well before. You can do it dear friend, dear brother, you can do it. Try not to wait to get all your ducks in a row. Do it the other way round. Stop drinking and then your ducks start getting in a row.

You have not gone anywhere. When i was struggling i would look for you each day. From you came the strength i needed. That strength has not "gone", I Am Trying is still I Am Trying, the very same, just having a hard time right now. It will change, it can change, and you are the best person to do it.

You are in my thoughts and in my heart.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest I Am Trying
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Unread 07-27-2016, 11:19 AM   #1307
R. Lee
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When you are ready to stop drinking all together you already have the experience on how to do it. Have a great day iamtrying. I think of you often.
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Unread 07-27-2016, 01:40 PM   #1308
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Great to see you around Iam...keep talking, we are here for you always xx
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Unread 07-27-2016, 02:03 PM   #1309
Millie
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Hey there, Iamtrying. Thank you for checking in.

I'm sorry you're still hurting. Are you seeing a counselor? I feel for you and hope you can continue to find bits of joy where you can.

Peace to you, friend.
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Unread 07-27-2016, 02:26 PM   #1310
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yes, always here for you, take care.....
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Unread 07-27-2016, 08:55 PM   #1311
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Hi iamtrying, just reiterating what has been said, think of you often and we are always here for you.

Nancy
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Unread 07-29-2016, 06:58 AM   #1312
Tryntryagain
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Good morning dearest I Am Trying. Bright blessings to you.

I am simply popping in to say i am thinking of you this morning on a wet and windy summers Blighty Friday morning.

I want you to feel the strength, hugs, positive energy and understanding i have to give.

Have a good day my brother.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest I Am Trying
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Unread 09-01-2016, 01:51 PM   #1313
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Iamtrying,

Just stopped by to say Hi. I hope life is improving for you. Let everyone know how you are when you have a moment.

Every day we have a choice. Make it a positive one.

Regards,
Saint
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Unread 09-16-2016, 07:54 PM   #1314
Millie
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Thinking of you, Iamtrying.

Hope you're okay.
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Unread 09-17-2016, 10:29 AM   #1315
Tryntryagain
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Good afternoon dearest I Am Trying. Bright blessings to you.

Thank you dearest Millie. Often we think of others and wonder, we can also reach that little hand out.

How are you brother?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest I A Trying.
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Unread 12-13-2016, 08:07 PM   #1316
Millie
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I wish we knew that Iamtrying was okay. I miss him.
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Unread 12-13-2016, 10:25 PM   #1317
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Yes I miss him.
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Unread 12-14-2016, 09:10 AM   #1318
R. Lee
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Never give up the dream Iamtrying.
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Unread 12-14-2016, 04:32 PM   #1319
Millie
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I know why this isn't an option, but I wish someone could call him up just to say he's not alone.
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Unread 12-14-2016, 10:59 PM   #1320
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Hi All!

I get it too, Millie, the anonymity thing. Yet there does come a point when I wish that rule could be broken. Such as now.

Moreover, there are so few "regulars" in our forum these days that anonymity is, frankly, not necessary. Probably.

Yes, I know. We really DON'T know who's hanging out, no idea really who it is peeking in. Might be thoroughly good people. Kind and decent. But could also be people who DON'T have our best interests at heart.

Oh, I don't know. It is complicated.

sam
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Unread 12-15-2016, 06:55 AM   #1321
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I wish there was a private messaging part of the site, where we could exchange details with each other (the regulars) if we wanted too...

Iam, hope you are well please drop in when you can xx
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Unread 12-15-2016, 07:09 AM   #1322
R. Lee
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If Iamtrying want to have contact with this site he can. Maybe he is just watching & chooses not to say anything for what ever reason.
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Unread 12-15-2016, 08:25 AM   #1323
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Thank you R. Lee.

Tryn spoke of anonymity so beautifully here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tryntryagain View Post
...This is where i am coming from about the issue of anonymity.

It's a damn shame.....that is what it is. The thing is this family could not be this family without it.

Dearest Nancy i do not see this as "them are da rules".....moreover this is what makes us special. We empower each other so that all of us can find our own solutions.

I wager you all, i know more about you, and you know more about me, than the people in your life?

You all certainly know just about all there is to know about Tryn in dear ole Blighty!

Dearest Nancy has created a dynamic. A magical and empowering dynamic. It is so precious it transcends all else. Should we change the dynamic, then all we are will be lost.

How so is this a "magical" environment?

It is no secret how much i love my dear R Lee. Would i like to meet the guy?.......you betcha. Yet.......

I meet the dear fellow near as damn it every day. I have done for years. You all know i am Andrea....AKA....Andy. You know my history, my circumstances.......you know my interests and ability's, you know my weaknesses, my health and mental health issues.

What you also want to do is help me in anyway you can. My goodness how i know that.

You ARE.

If Tryn sustains sobriety and listens and shares with his brothers and sisters here, i will thrive in whatever circumstances. You all know that. Please, please do not think i do not understand how much it means for you all to suggest these things.......yet i implore you to just think a minute what we have got......and how we were able to get it.

Would i have shared what i have without anonymity? Almost certainly not........and the most important thing?.......what love and wisdom given back to me would not have been possible in a way we share. I shall evidence base that with these words.....

I have been supported and loved over my years here in a way even Tryn can not describe. What is the different dynamic that sets us apart?

10s of thousands of folk have tuned in to my journey. 1000's have given me their individual love. It is "easy to say".

The fact that 1000's have taken time to support me on my way, and sat.....think about it......sat in THEIR environments.......at their computers, and chosen to take time out of their lives, their days, to sit and THINK........to be touched and to touch back. To hold and to be held in return. All through the power of our thought, and our desire to care for others and learn how to care for ourselves.

This letter will have taken me what?......45 minutes to write.....think about.......feel........

If i was to speak to you face to face not only would the dynamic be different, but i would say what i am saying now in 2 minutes, without half the thought and it would not mean as much.

Anonymity for me, provides the best platform for honesty. Simply no one can say that we do not know each other because of anonymity. I believe it means we know each other far, far, far more than should this family's beautifully put together dynamics change in anyway.

I adore you all and "wish" i could meet you all and give you all i have to help you on your ways......really?....anonymity means i can help you, you can help me far more as we can share what we feel we need to, with no fear or favour. We can put aside our sometimes under confidence, as this medium of loving, communicating and sharing is second to none. The meek can speak, the strong can share, and we know we ourselves could be either on any day.

So i want to celebrate the way we do things. I think is is empowering and not restrictive. Quite the opposite. I once called for the idea of "3 yearly conferences".....where we all got together for a conference. I've been on the "gosh i would love to meet you all voyage".

I've been on the voyage and now......

I do. I know you all. I love you all. I know a fair bit about your journeys past and present. I know what pains you, what challenges you have. I know were you are in the world, but most importantly of all, you have all let me into your hearts.

I share wholeheartedly our need to keep what we are.......which is sprinklings of love shaken over foundations of real and lived lifes.......shared in a way only we can.

Thank you everyone for your such kind offers, yet i need no more from you other than your special words, and your sharing of your lives.

If my heart does not starve.......neither will i.

Thank you dearest Nancy.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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Unread 12-16-2016, 06:09 AM   #1324
Tryntryagain
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Good morning dear I Am Trying. Bright blessings to you.

It has just gone 9.30am in my dear ole Blighty. The rather lovely weather lady said on the telly at 6am this morning that "if the clouds break anywhere in dear ole Blighty at any time today....take a picture!"..

As I write, not only have the clouds parted, so the sun is actually coming through my windows. I have the cricket on the radio from India, where England in the context of the series, have already been stuffed. Still my dear brother...you know what they say...."it's the taking part that counts".....talking of which, how are you diddling?

Well my brother, this week for me has been all about hospital. I was supposed to be going again today however having been on Wednesday means something else is needed, not what was going to happen today. Tryn is on a mission to try and "plug up the holes" I have after a lifetime of shooting myself in da foot so he has!

So an unexpected day off, and in all my days, every day, this family means the world to me. Even those that I have not heard from in a while.

So you know you are loved here, you know we are worried, are you worried about yourself?

Back in the day, 9.30am?....hmmmm....I would be on my second can, probably beginning to stop shaking about now, a big fat spliff....and going in and out of "going to faint"....with perhaps on my 13th/14th/15th day without food? Vomiting as normal and usual as most have a cuppa tea, ****ed, living on the great mans floor.

This morning, I have a cuppa, I have my gorgeous Rolo asleep on my foot. Not 1 part of my body works, I am in the most extraordinary debt, and actually yesterday I made my first payment to the debt management company that are overseeing the whole shebang.

My friend, I was always going to be poor.....now I am just "organised poor"! Indeedy.

Do you know what would happen to me if I took a drink now? Everything would start to unravel...yet very, very, very quickly. I would not care anymore. The debt management plan would be the first thing out the window, my relationship with my dear Rolo would go for a burton, and within weeks I would die now.

The family has made no decisions for me, essentially this family has practically done **** all.

So how is it that every day my heart feels for our dear Alexis, our dear Millie who has been really challenged of late, our dear Lost Dog, how she does it...I still do not know? Why do you think in the last week or so I have been wondering/worrying about my dear R Lee as I do not see him as often as I used to?

When my dear, dear Sam talks of his tenants, talks of his knees and love of running. When this cool cat shares from sunny California, how come my eyes and heart open wide like a curious child?

My dear brother Saint, how come when I read his letters, I can hear his breath and the sounds of his souls eating up the tarmac?

I can feel peoples love. I can feel peoples strength. I do because I know how deep my brothers and sisters go to share it. I know by sharing it they grow themselves inside.

I have learnt that infact I have been strong all my life. My personal issues, myself, meant I at first didn't know I had that strength, and when I did, alcohol enabled me to ignore it.

When you were sharing your love with me it was at a time I was really, really struggling with my anger, my temper. You calmed me each day.

Oh, of course you did not know that.....yet you did.

Wherever you are right now, whatever is happening for you, we are with you. Whatever you think you need, you have it inside you. You are in all our thoughts.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest I Am Trying
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Unread 12-16-2016, 11:06 AM   #1325
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Like you Tryn I have to remember what it was like when I was drinking. Life is so much better with out alcohol controlling everything I did.

I feel your love for our family.
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Unread 12-16-2016, 02:39 PM   #1326
Sam Bailey
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Andy!

So many good and thoughtful things you just wrote. And with such clarity!

Tops though, I think, are these words:
Quote:
I have learnt that infact I have been strong all my life. My personal issues, myself, meant I at first didn't know I had that strength, and when I did, alcohol enabled me to ignore it.


Wonderful, Tryn'! And for most of us, maybe all of us, absolutely true.

I hope that you are soon healed. Your physical self sounds tortured, or close to it. I wish that I could hug it out of you, that suffering.

Yet your spiritual self, man Andy---you sound prophetic. Maybe it's angelic. Whatever it is, it is so close to being spiritually healed. On your way, that's for certain---so I believe.

best to you, friend!

sam
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Unread 01-16-2017, 09:13 PM   #1327
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Thank you all for your kind words, encouragement, and support, this means a lot to me. There was not a single day I stopped thinking about my family here...I read but don't respond, million thoughts come to my mind when i try to respond..i am keeping it simple.... Happy New Year though.. may all your wishes come true ....

I am doing Ok. I have become more stronger...but still not out of the clouds. Work is going well...one day at a time.

Love you all and have a great Monday night...

Iamtrying and will never stop.
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Unread 01-16-2017, 10:48 PM   #1328
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Hi iamtrying, so good to hear from you. Wishing you a happy new year and may all of your wishes and dreams come true.

I love that you've become stronger and you'll never stop trying.

Until next time, take good care. Thanks so much for writing!

Nancy
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Unread 01-17-2017, 06:39 AM   #1329
Tryntryagain
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Good morning dearest I Am Trying. Bright blessings to you.

Oh my goodness!.....reading your letter has absolutely made my day. The dear soul that you are. How quite lovely to hear from you.

Growing in strength = Good
Clouds = Will always be there
Work going well = Good
Love in your heart = All you will ever need.

Never forget on your way that I am your friend and brother. Never forget on your journey we are your brothers, sisters and friends. We are always here for you as you were always there for me.

Really look forward to hearing from you soon. You will be in my heart and thoughts all day Mr I Am Trying.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest I Am Trying
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Unread 01-17-2017, 09:04 AM   #1330
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Great to hear from you iamtrying.

You know it works so never stop trying.

Glad to see you are OK. OK is good enough for me.
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Unread 01-17-2017, 09:08 AM   #1331
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Hey Iam great to hear from you. Just knowing you are ok is great. Keep talking if you can we all care for you .

xx
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Unread 01-17-2017, 06:19 PM   #1332
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May the New Year bring you peace and happiness, you deserve the best. Take care and wishing well for you.
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Unread 02-18-2017, 07:11 AM   #1333
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Thinking of you iamtrying. Hope you are well and continue to get stronger each day.

Nancy
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Unread 02-19-2017, 08:28 AM   #1334
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Good morning dearest I Am Trying. Bright blessings to you.

Thank you Big Sis, yes, how are you I Am Trying?

How weird does it sound to say that Tryn is a soul that walks, (wanders and hippety hops mostly) by myself through my journey. I mean you, and all my brothers and sisters know all about me, because i wanted the comfort at first, then the knowledge that makes my jaw drop on a daily basis.

Tryn wiffles and waffles to you, not to no one else though/family. Funnily enough it makes me more capable of being independent when i feel overwhelmed, or life may be becoming to heavy to hold at times.

Pop in and let us know how you're diddling.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest I Am Trying
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Unread 03-13-2017, 06:33 PM   #1335
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Hi All,

Hope things are going fine...i am Ok...I read all my posts from when I started and support from 2014, felt I let myself down and everyone else..I was ashamed ..sorry..Life can be harsh for no reason! i do realize that there are somethings..external factors can affect your being... which you don't have control...here I am again...picking up myself and moving on....I beg your support and love.

well, this is what i am being me...the struggle and the being me...and me a strong me...it's not easy but will be me...because nobody can be me.

https://youtu.be/MHXXktQcd-g this is me and every she who has gone thru my footsteps... in the struggle in a way!

Thank you all for your support ....Love you all for your support. I never forgot you ...all of you were guarding and watching me...that's how I felt.Thank you...dearly!

I took a day off from work to just reflect on what is going on with me...sorry for being me and selfish...i had to retro-inspect.

One day at a time and I am responsible for my actions and their consequences...take it easy and make day worthwhile. Pain in a day is only in that day! next day is a fresh day!

Iamtrying always! will only stop when i take my last breath!

Last edited by iamtrying; 03-13-2017 at 06:51 PM..
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Unread 03-13-2017, 07:06 PM   #1336
iamtrying
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All I wanted to say is my heart goes out to Lostdog. I feel you!

Never feel belittled! you are a good person...you are a brave and beautiful person...

Iamtrying.
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Unread 03-13-2017, 08:58 PM   #1337
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Hi iamtrying, you didn't let us down; and know that you have our support and love. I hope your day of self reflection brought some clarity for you. I don't find that selfish, but something people should try to do every so often.

"One day at a time and I am responsible for my actions and their consequences...take it easy and make day worthwhile. Pain in a day is only in that day! next day is a fresh day!" I like that. A lot.

We're here for you.

Nancy
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Unread 03-13-2017, 09:22 PM   #1338
R. Lee
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Iamtrying. I have missed you worried for you! You back & moving forward with those simple words "One day at a time and I am responsible for my actions and their consequences". Yes I needed to hear that today.

Don't be ashamed in front of us we wont hear that. We are family here to support one another & make suggestions.

Yes you made my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Unread 03-13-2017, 10:05 PM   #1339
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It's good to hear from you! Take care of yourself.

Your mantra is a great one - I should keep it in mind!
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Unread 03-14-2017, 09:19 AM   #1340
soapdish
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It is an excellent, useful and positive message. Thank you!!!
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Unread 03-14-2017, 09:30 AM   #1341
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First of all your not selfish, you are wonderful and missed here always. Second, thanks so much for your kind words to me, it means so much. Take care and bless you each day iamtrying...
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Unread 03-14-2017, 09:34 AM   #1342
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Great to see you back here Iam, stick around, it helps
WIshing you only happiness xx
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Unread 03-14-2017, 09:39 AM   #1343
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Good morning dear, dear I Am Trying. The brightest of blessings to you!

My friend?>>>> since we last spoke i got a dog!!...Rolo.....he knows ALLLLLLLL about ya. He says a very woofy howdy doody.

Ahhh Haaa!!....shame and guilt......the remarkable useless parts of us. Never mind any of that shit.....today is the only day that matters. It is so good to hear you, see you and feel you.

I completely share my dear R Lee's exaltation.....I Am Trying and Secret Tiger......right there.

I feel life to be a terribly naughty mistress. In that as soon as you think you know where you are, you find out you don't. Everything that happens..from 1 minute to the next is "new". The older we get, the more we forget that.

so, so, so good........that's about all i can say right now.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest I Am Trying
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Unread 03-14-2017, 10:23 PM   #1344
R. Lee
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How you doing Iamtrying?
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Unread 03-15-2017, 11:52 AM   #1345
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Before the day gets too far along, how are you doing Iam?
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Unread 03-15-2017, 02:10 PM   #1346
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Hi Iamtrying!

I'm so glad to see you back. I've wondered often how you were. You sound like you're on the upswing, and that is great to see.

I do hope, however, that you don't ever feel like you need to apologize here. There is no judgment.

Hope you're having a good day. Hugs!
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Unread 04-18-2017, 09:13 PM   #1347
iamtrying
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Hello all,

Thank you for your support. I always think of you. I am doing Ok. I am slowly getting off my drinking habits. I go 3 steps ahead and fall 2 steps back, I am not being consistent. I guess I need little more time to reconcile myself....But I am doing Ok. I definitely want to be better than what I am right now. Some of my evenings are filled with drinks and I know that is not good...i am trying and will continue to try....

I remember the beautiful spring last year. I always wish it was like that...

One day at a time...I fall, I pick myself up...

Thank you for your support and kind words...

Love you all
Iamtrying.
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Unread 04-18-2017, 11:48 PM   #1348
lostdog
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so nice to hear from you. Just keep trying, remember that you don't want to drink and then distract yourself with new habits and love for yourself. You deserve it! take care.
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Unread 04-19-2017, 03:30 AM   #1349
Millie
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So nice to see you!!!

Remember we don't know who you are and we don't judge. Stick around and talk. We can help you.
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Unread 04-19-2017, 06:18 AM   #1350
NancyB
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Hi iamtrying, I'm so glad you stopped in and so glad that you continue to try!

We're here for you.

Nancy
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Important disclaimer: Any information in this post is not and does not constitute medical advice under any circumstances. Addiction Survivors, Inc. does not warranty or guarantee the accurateness, completeness, adequacy or currency of the information contained in or linked to the Site. Your use of information on the Site or materials linked to the Site is entirely at your own risk. NEVER take any online advice over that of a qualified healthcare provider. Any information contained on AddictionSurvivors.org should only serve to inspire further investigation with credible, verifiable references sources such as your physician or therapist.
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